Season 17 Live Feed Discussion: Watch People Sleep All Day!

[AndreaK1041]

There was also discussion between Liztin last night that they would be famous and loved like Brenchell. To the first (famous) definitely no and to the second (loved) overwhelming no. I wouldn't even call Brenchell universally popular by any means, and I would bet that Liztin are approximately going to stand the test of time in the Mcranda category, which is to say gross and then solidly forgettable.

I am so annoyed at how much John sucks. I like him, and every decision he makes I am disappointed in. Steve is playing scared and stupid but John is almost playing reverse Big Brother wherein he is both irrelevant and strategically moronic to the point of guaranteeing a loss. It's quite spectacular.

I hope James wins, but if not him at least a woman winning head to head against a man. It's never happened and this group of men is too embarrassing to win.

Edited August 18, 2015 by AndreaK1041

[blixie]

James and Meg were being really cute on the feeds yesterday, and it did make remind me he's been a lot more likable, and I wouldn't mind him sticking around. But then he made a dildo out of aluminium foil and remind what a skeezer he is about women/sex, and then I heard he's buying into a ridiculous and dumb Final 5 deal with Austwins and I was right back to being annoyed with him winning head to head with Vanessa OR Liz or Julia, which he totally would. My only real concern with taking Liz out now is that leaves Austin/John/James/Steve to bro down and vote and the women out which they will do in a heart beat. UGH I kind of want Shelli back in the game really badly, gunning for Liz and still locked in with Vanessa.Those two to the end while they picked off all the damn dudes!

[Eolivet]

Steve pushing John to work with Austin. Blergh!

 

The Bro Alliance beast always finds a way...

 

I'm crossing my fingers for Vanessa to stay safe because my husband guaranteed that by not backdooring Austin, Vanessa would leave before Austin and I said no because of the strong relationships Jason had with Clay and Shelli, etc., and I'm so irritated that my husband is likely going to be proved right.

 

I probably can't even root for Austin to lose in F2 to Liz or Julia (and make BB history!). All the dudes on the jury will just vote for him anyway, because: bros, man. I know that's technically not enough, but I still feel like he'd find a way to pull out a win and that cannot happen, so.

Edited August 18, 2015 by Eolivet

[Hanahope]

Has anyone discussed one possible reason for keeping Vanessa, at least until near the very end, is the potential damage she could do to the jury members, bullying them into voting how she wants?

[mooses]

I think Austin and James have a good chance of beating anyone in F2, even Vanessa or the twins.

Austin will use the "I had to protect two women and myself" angle, and James is just more likeable.

Steve could even have a chance starting with if he is able to save Vanessa this upcoming week. He is going to use the "I let you think I was week, but I've been playing you" angle.

The best chance of a woman winner is to be against another female or John at the moment.

Edited August 18, 2015 by mooses

[blixie]

Steve is the only dude Liz/Julia/Vanessa could beat, I wish Becky didn't A)bore the shit out of me, and B) that she could put emotion aside and work with Vanessa in an alliance,  cause that is the only reason I'd want her saved, to contribute to either an all girl F4 or a three quarters girl F4, plus I think the jury vote could be really interesting I feel like it's either always unanimous, or 8-1. I want people to struggle to think about who really played the best.

For purely game reasons I want Becky to stay, for oh god I don't want to kill myself listening to her be literally one of THE most personality free people to ever walk the house, and for her flawed game mindset that Vanessa is the biggest problem I want her gone. Talk about wah wah wah wah wah. UGH.

[Ceeg]

Hmm, I'm not sure, I think Vanessa would probably beat any guy who makes it to the Final 2 with her. Even Austin, since he would only be sitting there because she decided not to put him up. Literally everyone is obsessed with Vanessa being the Mastermind behind every single move in the house (which is unjustified, but that's their perception), so I don't see how they wouldn't give her the money. Even Becky, who hates Vanessa, told John she'd vote for her if she makes it to the end.

 

It's moot, because Vanessa won't be getting there, but I do think she'd win pretty easily against anyone left in the house. That said, I still think a twin will win.

Edited August 18, 2015 by Ceeg

[Petunia13]

I think after Audrey didn't pan out due to her personality and gameplay the powers that be want a twin vs twin final 2 or Vanessa vs returning Shelli final 2. They are due a female winner and wanted Audrey (I think if she was cunning and less um kooky and good at the game as a winner she could have gotten BB in that spot on US Weekly that they hold for Bachelor/Bachelorette stars. Which the producers would have loved). That was a bust so now will busy out the coup de ville and reset for something else that would be ratings "gold".

I was pretty pissed off and annoyed with Steve and Johnny Mac's talk last night. It seemed like Steve the servile little rat he is was wanting Johnny to get off the pot and Johnny was being really cagey or blind to his leading questions.

I seriously would not eat a damn bite of anything Austin touched. He is perpetually shirtless. Showers without soap or shampoo. "Washes" his hands without soap. And is always grubbing his paws on his hair, his sweaty muscles, Liz's anatomy.

[ByaNose]

I do think BB wants a female winner. I'm not sure the twins would be the ideal Final 2 though. Either way, they win. There's no fun in that, right? I guess Liz beating Austin would be funny but he'll think he had won if she wins. Ugh! I would like Johny Mac to win but that's just because I like him & not for great gameplay. I'm all over the map because we still have to deal with one of the HG returning, too. So much drama. LOL!!!!

[peachmangosteen]

I don't really think Production is interested in anyone enough to pull out any of their patented hardcore rigging. Maybe John, because he's the fan fave, but he's not exactly running away with popularity so I doubt they'll bother. 

 

I also highly doubt they care about having a female winner. This show is and always has been sexist as hell so I would find it hard to believe they would give a shit if a woman won.

 

If I had to hazard a guess about the winner right now I think it's gonna be Austin. Hopefully not though! And there is a lot of time left. I could see a lot of these people winning actually. The only people left I'd be truly shocked to see win are Julia, Meg, and Becky.

Edited August 18, 2015 by peachmangosteen

[Petunia13]

Yea you make good points.

But my comments about last nights convo and cooking comp I'm standing by!! ; P

[mooses]

I don't really think Production is interested in anyone enough to pull out any of their patented hardcore rigging. Maybe John, because he's the fan fave, but he's not exactly running away with popularity so I doubt they'll bother.

The thing that makes me think they're invested in John is Austin's conversations. He thinks DR is implying he should work with John and has guessed he's the favorite from their attitudes and his amount of time in DR. And it wouldn't be Big Brother without a blatant attempt to help a white guy.

Right now, I still think Austin will beat anyone but James. He's made a late game push with a strategy similar to Vanessa's deals, but with better social game. Still lots of time for it to blow up, though.

Edited August 18, 2015 by mooses

[tinderbox]

I, too, was very disappointed with jmac's talk with Steve. They were like the blind leading the blind with their oddness and poor conversational skills. WTH is up with those two? Neither one of them deserves to win this game and I hope they don't.

Regarding the food... I wouldn't have eaten one single bite that was put in front of me. Blech. The hair in the food was just the frosting on the cake. Those meals were tainted with, hair, blood, dirt, spit, and God knows what else. I about puked when I saw Austin crushing the blueberries with his knuckles!

Right now I'm rooting for a James or Jackie (if she comes back) win.

Edited August 18, 2015 by tinderbox

[njbarmaid]

Julia was telling Liz/Austin that after finding out about sex occurring in previous seasons, that she shouldn't be so upset about a hickey or too.

 

 

Wait til she finds out the #fingergate is now trending on twitter with the most amazing memes/gifs.

 

eta: today's #fingergate is about bb, previous were about Jimmy Fallon hand injury, just didn't want to blow out of proportion.

Edited August 18, 2015 by njbarmaid

[blixie]

Haha God I love Julia, she was roused for g-d picture time, and was not happy.

 

HG (Johnny Mac I think): Are your ready for beach day?!

Julia: FUCK BEACH DAY. (said with an Ice Cube held tilt)

 

I love it. But seriously while I love that no one is super racist/sexist and hateable, these are seriously some of THE most boring HG they have every chosen, they just aren't very...fun, I mean I used to watch the Season 2 smokers...smoke and they were entertaining as shit. BB10 had that great sock puppet thing early and then Keesha/Renny/Dan/Memphis were a very fun foursome on the feeds. I got NOTHING with this group when they aren't talking game, which is why I will peace out when/if Vanessa goes.

Edited August 18, 2015 by blixie

[Skittl1321]

Anyone who wants a final 5 or final 4 with the Austwins deserves to lose this game.

 

Heck, anyone who wants a final 6 should be seriously questioned.

[Eolivet]

I also highly doubt they care about having a female winner. This show is and always has been sexist as hell so I would find it hard to believe they would give a shit if a woman won.

 

Oh, I know they don't care, but the women in that house absolutely should. If they care about the winner being one of them, they need to vote. out. all. the. men. Is this because the show recruits women and gets male superfans? At least Audrey knew what was up with her all-girl alliance.

 

(Actually, as others have noted...I feel like they cast this season to counteract the bro alliance beast, with fewer "Alpha males" who'd be more likely to band together and "bro out." But I feel like if the recent feeds are any indication, all the dudes are still bonding and nearly all the women who aren't related to each other or Vanessa are all "Yes! Take out all the other women! Good plan!")

 

I swear, if I have to watch one more season of one woman in an all-dude alliance deriving some gross pleasure at voting out other women and then taking some bizarre pride at being "the last girl standing," I don't even know what. I don't know how that started, but it's a recent trend that's really disturbing and I really hope it stops this year.

[blixie]

You guys, Becky just said one of her favorite bands is Train.

 

 

I'm dying.

[mooses]

(Actually, as others have noted...I feel like they cast this season to counteract the bro alliance beast, with fewer "Alpha males" who'd be more likely to band together and "bro out." But I feel like if the recent feeds are any indication, all the dudes are still bonding and nearly all the women who aren't related to each other or Vanessa are all "Yes! Take out all the other women! Good plan!")

 

I remember reading pre-season that Robyn Kass said they did it purposefully - cast men who would be less likely to team up so we wouldn't get the snorefest of last season. 

A couple weeks ago, Becky was talking about how all women are catty and that's why they never work in their own bro-lliance. I was like...well, with that attitude, it's no wonder it never works.

 

ETA: I know she's not the only one who thinks like that, but it's just the example that stuck with me.

Edited August 18, 2015 by mooses

[Ceeg]

A couple weeks ago, Becky was talking about how all women are catty and that's why they never work in their own bro-lliance. I was like...well, with that attitude, it's no wonder it never works.

LOL Becky also put up two women for eviction when she was HOH. 

I just really need Vanessa or Julia to win HOH tomorrow, because they could potentially put up the most interesting noms. Otherwise, it'll be another week of Operation Evict Vanessa Part Deux, with Steve or Meg as pawns. But I have a feeling HOH will be Austin, James, or John. Because that's how my viewing experience always works.

[peachmangosteen]

I feel like there's been very little, if any, "All the men should stick together," or "Women suck so I, as a woman, am gonna work with men and be happy to be the last women standing!" this season. It's probably a big reason why I like this season.

 

Even now I don't feel there's any underlying sexist reasons why Becky will go this week or why Vanessa is the biggest target. 

 

I don't really want Julia to win HOH, but it actually might be very interesting. She has really been nothing more than a Vanessa minion to this point, but Liz/Austin, her two main allies, are now against Vanessa. But ultimately I feel pretty sure Julia would just nom some combo of James/Meg/John and it'd be boring.

Edited August 18, 2015 by peachmangosteen

[Ceeg]

I don't really want Julia to win HOH, but it actually might be very interesting. She has really been nothing more than a Vanessa minion to this point, but Liz/Austin, her two main allies, are now against Vanessa. But ultimately I feel pretty sure Julia would just nom some combo of James/Meg/John and it'd be boring.

Yeah, but Julia winning HOH would expose the Austwins and force them to break their word to someone. Right now, they have deals with literally every single person in the house. Julia winning would blow that shit up quick, which is why Lizten want her to throw it.

[RedheadZombie]

I read several interesting things on Joker's.

Meg and James discussed how sick they are of Becky, and will be relieved when she goes. So even Becky's alliance doesn't like her.

James attempted to wash the dishes in the pool.

There was more discussion of Irish Spring. They seem to talk about this a lot. Are they really discussing soap or is it code?

[ByaNose]

All of Becky's talking & know it all conversations have worn James & Meg down. Of course, I don't know what does to their game from Thursday on but they might get some quiet time. Wait! There's still Vanessa. Oh, well. LOL!!!!

[pennben]

 

James attempted to wash the dishes in the pool.

 

I am becoming less concerned with how much adderall the DR gives and more concerned with the proper shots and preventative antibiotics the houseguests are getting from the DR.

 

 

There was more discussion of Irish Spring. They seem to talk about this a lot. Are they really discussing soap or is it code?

 

Perhaps it is code for: "maybe if we talk enough about soap, Austin will become curious enough to use it"?;)

Edited August 18, 2015 by pennben

[Kris117]

All this muppet talk is reminding me of the sock puppets from a few years back.  Was that BB10?  Suddenly, I want nothing more than an all muppet episode of Big Brother.  Or at least a comp of some sort.  Instead of Zingbot they could be made fun of by muppet versions of themselves.  Hee.

  

I would be willing to contribute to a Kickstarter to make that happen.

John/Steve are finalizing their plan to align with Austwins; apparently James/Meg have already decided they like their final five with Austwins.  Everyone is quite pleased with their plans of taking out Vanessa next week and waiting for someone else to target Austin or Liz or Julia.  Every freaking person thinks they are in an alliance with those three!!!  Who is this mythical house guest that will target one of them??!!

  

At this point I think Julia is the best to get Austin out of the house. Not gonna happen this week, though, no matter how much I want to see that. Honestly, houseguests, he's the only one who hasn't been nominated. That's the perfect excuse for the old, "I really didn't want to put you up, but I had to pick somebody, and you're the only one who hasn't been on the block yet," speech.

Perhaps [irish Spring] is code for: "maybe if we talk enough about soap, Austin will become curious enough to use it"?;)

We can only hope. He certainly didn't take the hint given by his comic.

Now, I hope you will all sit down, because I'm about to say something nice about Austin: he has a pleasant voice. If I close my eyes so that I don't have to watch him as he speaks, he is much more tolerable. Except in the DR, where closing my eyes doesn't work.

[RedheadZombie]

Watching Austin with Liz almost triggers a panic attack.  I'm claustrophobic with a larger than average personal space.  If I were Liz, Austin would be getting a taste of this:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdmqn9JIuzc

[pennben]

 

James attempted to wash the dishes in the pool.

 

Okay, I have to go back to this.  Did anyone scream "what the fuck is wrong with you?"......or something smiilar when this happened?  This one, it boggles in a lingering sort of way.

[mooses]

I don't really get how no one is on to Steve. He always asks questions and never gives straight answers. Is it because he's so strange all the time that it's not as obvious how awkward he's being when he talks game? Or just that no one cares?

There was more discussion of Irish Spring. They seem to talk about this a lot. Are they really discussing soap or is it code?

I think it's their ongoing joke that Austin has beat over the head about sponsored content for CBS.

[RedheadZombie]

Okay, I have to go back to this. Did anyone scream "what the fuck is wrong with you?"......or something smiilar when this happened? This one, it boggles in a lingering sort of way.

I believe the automated DR voice told him to stop.

Edited August 19, 2015 by RedheadZombie

[Petunia13]

Steve has some nerve saying to Vanessa he should have never been put in the BB house when he has disparaged so many former HG personalities and gameplay.

He doesn't even make any damn sense.

[Deputy Deputy CoS]

Behind Steve's social awkwardness is a condescending asshole. Nevermind Vanessa and her trillion deals, Steve is playing the dirtiest game in the house.

I want him gone right after Austin

.

Speaking of him, his finger is not satisfying or the orgasm is short lived. Or Liz is unsatiated.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Deputy Deputy CoS

[Donny Ketchum]

I don't really get how no one is on to Steve.

Someone is on to Steve -- Becky.  That's why he wants her out.

[RedheadZombie]

I read that Becky's talking about the bat again. I couldn't watch it since I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to log onto the live feeds for six hours. Since I'm also having difficulties with my IPhone, cable, DVR, and Kindle, I've been having fits of rage. Every noun is preceded by the "F" word. I hate this fucking computer, and fucking AT&T u-verse. And I hate fucking Steve Jobs and fucking Amazon.

[Lady Calypso]

I don't like Steve. He's very odd and he gives me the creeps. I don't think that it's fair for Big Brother to cast someone like him. I would not be comfortable living with someone who behaves the way that he does. He asks the women to hug him. They do it because they want to win the money. It's not right for the producers to put the women in that position. In my opinion he is sickening.

 

I get the feeling, I do. But I'm very similar to Steve. Maybe not in that creepy sense, but he has said that he doesn't get social cues, and it's implied he has social anxiety. It's not really the game for him at all, but I think he really wanted to give it a try, and he does actually seem like a really nice guy. He's stood up to some of the guys when they've treated the girls wrong (Liz, in particular. It's hilarious to watch him with Liz in front of Austin), and he always tries to make sure he isn't saying anything offensive and when he does realize it, he corrects himself and feels bad. I think the whole asking the women to hug him is more just asking for their permission, in case they aren't comfortable with it. But obviously, that type of behaviour doesn't sit well with people. He's odd, for sure, but overall the nicer of the guys. I'd rather live with a Steve than with an Austin or a Caleb/Beast Mode Cowboy, in all honesty. 

[Petunia13]

He sounds like a lunatic when he talks to himself to the cameras.

[Nashville]

Who doesn't?  Me, I sound like a lunatic when I talk to the lunatics on my TV screen.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Nashville

[Lady Calypso]

He sounds like a lunatic when he talks to himself to the cameras.

 

Yeah, maybe, but who doesn't? I mean, he's talking to cameras, for goodness sake. And that's because nobody else talks to him much. Though, I'll admit, I've missed most of his camera talking segments, so I'll step out of this discussion carefully.

[Katesus7]

If ever I had a lobotomy and decided to go on this show, I would absolutely find some chunk of time where everyone else was asleep and talk to the Internet. To Jokers (which I read), to Hamstertime (which I read), and to all you good folks. Hell, I'd probably talk to Peach on a daily basis. I think there's definitely creepy aspects to Steve's personality, but I always kind of love it and get it when people want to talk to the cameras. Because it's usually people who have been on the other side. Like....well...me!

[pennben]

Speaking of him, his finger [                   ].

 

And that right there is where I had temporary blindness.

 

I couldn't watch it since I've been trying (unsuccessfully) to log onto the live feeds for six hours.....Every noun is preceded by the "F" word. I hate this fucking computer, and fucking AT&T u-verse. And I hate fucking Steve Jobs and fucking Amazon.

 

I just logged onto the feeds, I know, fuck me!:)  However, it appears as though they are going to have some sort of mock trial involving Meg.  Vanessa was rehearsing with John (yes, they were talking amicably).  She was discussing how her arguments must be like in OJ's trial:  "if the glove fits, you must acquit".   Ohhh, so close!!   This seems like it could be amusing.  I'll report back, and no, no game talk anytime soon, as far as I can tell.

[pennben]

Okay, this whole thing has been ridiculous, but somewhat amusing.  Meg (Grandma) was the injured party, she crutched out to the backyard using a swiffer mop of some sort.  Vanessa is her attorney.  James is the one accused of hurting Grandma by pelting chocolates at Grandma in the heat of the moment after a pot ball game.  Austin is James' attorney.  Becky is the judge (so no favorable rulings for Vanessa or I guess Austin, biased against both, but equally so.......also, no closing arguments from Becky, whew!).  Somehow Liz/Julia/John are going to be witnesses.  Steve is the sole juror (I hope we can get a unanimous decision, although I'm not sure that is a foregone conclusion:)!).  

 

For whatever reason, this has amused me (although now it's running quite long).  What was the America's Team challenge last year where they decided to do a skit?  I was part of the "Overwhelming No" there.  If this were put up to a vote, I'd say "sure, why not".  It's better than I expected on the feeds prior to Thursday.   

 

ETA:  James was found "guilty" in this civil trial, but Steve, the sole juror, talked about a compromise that "we, the jury" made that essentially allowed everyone to pelt James with chocolate.  Thank god this wasn't a two-part episode!

Edited August 19, 2015 by pennben

[pennben]

Apologies, I'm chatty tonight watching feeds:

 

1.  Becky was just sitting on a barstool with her foot propped on the seat at the kitchen counter. She was discussing how she is sure her toe is infected and just wants to stab it to relieve it of the pressure (some might say pus) built up under the toenail.  She talked about how she and DR discussed antibiotics and then we got fishes.  I swear to god, this house should be treated like a plague-infested country determining medicinal precautions that should be taken before entering.

 

       1.a.  Liz/Julia/Austin are speculating that Becky is faking pus-filled toe, perhaps she even broke it herself to make her seem less threatening. I think they've moved off these theories.

 

2.  Both before the mock trial and after, Vanessa has had really pleasant conversations with John, Becky and others.  I'm sure that not being under pressure this week helps, but I also think her switching her brain to prepare for the "trial", rather than the sole focus of the game was good for her.  She seems like someone who can't shut her mind off, often to her own detriment.  Having an outlet to engage her, other than the game, actually has helped her for a bit tonight. It was nice to see from all involved.   

 

3.  Julia-HOH couch; Liz/Austin, HOH bed:  they are discussing what they want to do tonight, Austin/Liz, yawning; Julia:  "Why are you guys tired, I thought you napped all afternoon?".  Me....recurring temporary blindness. 

 

4.  Meg now up to strategize with the three:  a) she's convinced Steve hates Vanessa, is concerned that John only tells Austin he's targeting Vanessa, not rest of house....here I thought she was trying to campaign for Becky, until what comes later: b) tells them that Steve won't fight for HOH, James will put up Steve/John with intent to BD Vanessa, if she wins veto, he'll take out Steve (of course, V gets a say in that); c) they are all appalled, I tell you, appalled, and confused that Becky is telling everyone she is the target.  They can't figure out why she would say something as silly as that (even though she's the target).  Now they are trying to figure out how to break it to Becky, who has known this for days, that she is the target. They are going to try to present it in a way that she will spill dirt on John, as though she wouldn't have already if she had any.

 

Okay, I'm out for the night, before I see something that can't be unseen!  

Edited August 19, 2015 by pennben

[loki567]

 

They are going to try to present it in a way that she will spill dirt on John, as though she wouldn't have already if she had any.

 

I guess they've all learned from the feet of Vanessa so they need a "reason," besides, "it's good for my game."

[Sara2009]

Tbh, I feel bad for Steve. He's definitely awkward, so I get why people are put off by him, but I truly don't think he means any harm.

[le bordel chaud]

Eww eww at the things Austin is doing to Liz with his digits.

[Zahdii]

Eww eww at the things Austin is doing to Liz with his digits.

 

Please don't tell me he's got his hands down her pants.

 

But if she's OK with that, she should take him into the shower and they can rub each other up under a hot shower and use soap as lube.  At least he'd get clean.

[njbarmaid]

Do the HG ever wash the bedding?  

[Cutty]

Steve is probably one of the kindest HGs of the season, but he has no business being on this gameshow. Then again neither does Meg.

 

Haven't watched the feeds much this week but JMac has no clue how close Steve is with the Austwins. JMac is lucky Meg is still in the house or he would run away with most clueless HG of the season. Fan fave though!

Edited August 19, 2015 by Cutty

[peachmangosteen]

If ever I had a lobotomy and decided to go on this show, I would absolutely find some chunk of time where everyone else was asleep and talk to the Internet. To Jokers (which I read), to Hamstertime (which I read), and to all you good folks. Hell, I'd probably talk to Peach on a daily basis. I think there's definitely creepy aspects to Steve's personality, but I always kind of love it and get it when people want to talk to the cameras. Because it's usually people who have been on the other side. Like....well...me!

 

First of all, LMAO at "If I ever had a lobotomy ..." Also, I too would be talking to the cameras if I ever ended up on BB. I wouldn't be able to stop myself from talking about everything because I'm so used to talking about it on here every season!

 

Do the HG ever wash the bedding?  

 

LOL. I rarely see it. But I think it was last week I saw Vanessa and someone else (I don't remember who) washing all the bedding in the comic room. I think/hope Production washes the HOH bedding every week.

 

JMac is lucky Meg is still in the house or he would run away with most clueless HG of the season. Fan fave though!

 

LOL really though. He's also lucky he's a white man or he would be getting the Victoria treatment online.

[Nashville]

ETA:  James was found "guilty" in this civil trial, but Steve, the sole juror, talked about a compromise that "we, the jury" made that essentially allowed everyone to pelt James with chocolate.  

  

Actually, Steve was corrected to say, "I, the Jury".

Mickey Spillane's estate lawyers should have their copyright infringement lawsuit filed by this afternoon.

But if she's OK with that, she should take him into the shower and they can rub each other up under a hot shower and use soap as lube.  At least he'd get clean.

So long as they use the Irish Spring™ !