Sweet Fellowship: Duggars and Friends (aka the Bates Family and Other Featured Families Thread)

[SaharaTea]

I don't see it with Chad either.  He is soft-spoken, but that doesn't mean he's gay.  He seems genuinely head over heels for Erin.

[MrMattyMatt]

David is definitelty effeminate, that cannot be missed.  I was born gay and my gaydar is pretty good, I'd have to actually meet him to be 100% sure.  Over the years I have met several married men (married to women), who by their mannerism, one would think they are flaming queens.  Yet they have families and when talking or interacting with them, my gaydar doesn't ping.   They live a straight life but are just extremely effeminate.  What baffles me, is that is David is truely gay, I have no idea how he actually is able to impregante his wife.  For me at least, it would take a devine miracle if you know what I mean without TMI.

[Sundaymorning]

Well, if he is indeed gay, he wouldn't be the first man to be married and to have children. I suppose he has been brainwashed so much that he isn't even daring to think that he is gay, but he is trying to convince himself that he is attracted to his wife.

[MrMattyMatt]

Well, if he is indeed gay, he wouldn't be the first man to be married and to have children. I suppose he has been brainwashed so much that he isn't even daring to think that he is gay, but he is trying to convince himself that he is attracted to his wife.

True, true...  sexuality and attraction works like a spectrum.   What's scary is that the whole idea is warfare for those who preach that homosexuality is a choice and/or a learned behaviour.

[Literata]

 

What baffles me, is that is David is truly gay, I have no idea how he actually is able to impregnate his wife.

Without getting too far off-topic or offering TMI, I have a gay male friend who slept with women in college. To your point, he said attraction is on a spectrum, and he was attracted enough to them to do the deed. But after he allowed himself to start sleeping with men, he realized that, for him, there was no comparison. (Yep, I was curious, so I asked.) 

 

And maybe the fabulous David IS just effeminate. For Priscilla's sake, I hope that's true. 

[Readalot]

During a bout of insomnia the other night, I watched part of the David-Priscilla wedding on YouTube, and I too noticed Grandma sitting next to a mystery man. But most of all, I noticed the fabulous David Waller. Come ON. I realize the young women in those families are full of naivete, but does no one, even in the extended circle, have functional gaydar?

Maybe they do but it is one of those "maybe if we ignore it, it doesn't exist" situations. Not the case here but I grew up in the JW religion (I never got baptized) and there was a guy in his early 20's that got married that I always suspected was gay. Later his wife told me she knew a JW that was gay and had a child. But as long as he didnt submit to his homosexual tendencies he was not sinning. Basically it was his cross to bear. Since they had a young daughter with no plans for more I always suspected she was talking about her husband!

[mbutterfly]

True, true...  sexuality and attraction works like a spectrum.   What's scary is that the whole idea is warfare for those who preach that homosexuality is a choice and/or a learned behaviour.

I surely agree about the "choice-preaching." The sad thing has been so common in the past that gay men and women entered traditional marriage because they wanted, among other things, to have families.

And, also, personal happiness is important. 

Edited July 10, 2014 by mbutterfly

[Fuzzysox]

I've known plenty of gay people that got married because it was expected of them. When they finally couldn't lie to themselves or their families anymore they came out divorced, etc. Sad way to have to live.

 

As for the TFDW I bet all his life he has been told that being gay is bad so he spent his time "praying away the gay" if he is indeed gay!? Getting married calmed the whispers.

 

I feel sorry for David and Pricilla really. He is a nice guy but there is something not right with Prissy. 

Edited July 10, 2014 by Fuzzysox

[Ljohnson1987]

I wonder how much jealously J'Chelle has about ABC filming Alyssa's wedding for Nightline. That's one step up from TLC. 

[PecanSandie]

I wonder how the Bates upcoming wedding will be portrayed?

[Literata]

Interesting feature on the Bateses leading up to tomorrow's "Nightline" episode.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/family-21-throws-wedding/story?id=24508676

 

Among the highlights:

1. Kelly has taken progesterone to help sustain her last few pregnancies.

2. Gil turned away a suitor for Michael when Michael was 16 because the guy didn't share the family's values.

3. Lawson is basically a second source of support for the family, having paid Erin's college tuition and Zach's truck. Safe to say Lawson is never leaving home.

[Absolom]

Zach said it was $1000 toward the truck and a couple thousand for tuition and that they were loans and being paid back.  I don't like it that they use him as a bank, but it isn't like it was demanded he fund his sister's entire college education.  :) 

[Sundaymorning]

Zach said it was $1000 toward the truck and a couple thousand for tuition and that they were loans and being paid back.  I don't like it that they use him as a bank, but it isn't like it was demanded he fund his sister's entire college education.  :) 

Isn't it a rule in their cult to live debt-free? Or maybe it doesn't count if you loan from family members?

 

Anyway, I'm glad Erin could get a college education that way. It gives her a bit of independence.

[cereality]

I'm kind of surprised that Lawson's lawn business is so successful that he is able to provide loans to his family seemingly regularly, but then I guess I'm not because he lives at home rent free. He's had the business for a while so all the equipment is paid for, he lives at home and has no school loans or food bills; at most he's paying car insurance, cell phone bills, and some clothing for himself. Makes sense that he'd be able to help the rest of his family.

[Literata]

It seems odd to me. To each his or her own, but providing for other family members to that degree seems like an awful lot of responsibility for a young adult. Of course it's nice of him, but I hope he's able to save for his own future.

[BestestAuntEver]

IIRC, Lawson, buys the groceries for the Bates' household. At one point, he even took over the responsibility of grocery shopping every month. I don't know if he's still doing it though.

[mbutterfly]

So is this where we're discussing Nighttime Prime?

[Lukeysboat]

The plural of "Bates" is "Bateses." One can say, "The Bates family went to Big Sandy" or "The Bateses went to Big Sandy." If one says, "The Bates went to Big Sandy" then I'm wondering which single Bates family member went.

This error drives me absolutely crazy when I see it in print or on the Duggars' show, but when a professional reporter on ABC makes this mistake it's just too much. Why is it so hard to say it correctly?!?! Argh!!!

[Marigny]

Interesting feature on the Bateses leading up to tomorrow's "Nightline" episode.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/family-21-throws-wedding/story?id=24508676

 

Among the highlights:

1. Kelly has taken progesterone to help sustain her last few pregnancies.

2. Gil turned away a suitor for Michael when Michael was 16 because the guy didn't share the family's values.

3. Lawson is basically a second source of support for the family, having paid Erin's college tuition and Zach's truck. Safe to say Lawson is never leaving home.

Sounds like Lawson is the Jana of the family. 

[cereality]

Hopefully I'm not going to ruin it for any west coast folks who haven't watched yet -- though the segment on Nightline was pretty much previewed word for word in the ABC article. I know they believe in a lot of the same stuff as the Duggars -- religion; as many kids as you can possibly have; homeschooling; buddy system; always late for everything etc. -- but they are so much more likeable and genuine than the Duggars.

 

Mom and Dad seem so engaged with the family, and the family seems real. The kids have buddies, but I got the sense that Gil and Kelly also know every child. The siblings seem genuinely close to each other; I know some of the Duggars are too but it seems more real and going beyond just "I love them because they're my siblings." Before Erin's wedding, we saw tears from Carlin and now at Alyssa's rehearsal and on the visit to Fl., there were genuine tears from Josie. The side hugging must be a Duggar thing -- as John Webster hugged Josie normally when she was crying at the rehearsal. Also cute that John and Alyssa were so nervous before the wedding and said their vows in a whisper.

[Literata]

I too was really surprised that Nightline referred to them as "The Bates." It's just not that hard. One Bates is a Bates. More are Bateses.

 

That said... 

 

1. Alyssa talks like a Kardashian. Not the things she says, obviously, but her vocal inflections. 

 

2. I'm so glad to hear she doesn't think she can handle 19 kids.

 

3. I don't have any illusions that the Bateses are somehow more normal than the Duggars, but I've always liked them better. Kelly seems close to her kids, and although I think she's insane to want more babies, she does seem to be more hands-on with the raising of her family.

Edited July 13, 2014 by Literata

[PecanSandie]

The drawback to the Bates family is there stamp of approval on Bill Gothard. Gil Bates is on the board of directors.

[Fostersmom]

ABC has been following them for 3 years and that's what they pieced together? And hot damn, they are even worse with time than the Duggars. They were on the road for 10 hours and went 300 miles. Holy crap. Is it a Fundy thing to think it's super cute to be late and on your own time? First Duggar Time and now Late Bates. Awesome lack of respect for others there.

 

 

1. Alyssa talks like a Kardashian. Not the things she says, obviously, but her vocal infections.

 

Oh, Alyssa has nothing on Erin. Erin makes you want to gouge your ears out. I heard a bit of it in Kelly's voice too. 

 

When (and why) did the Bates decide to put their name on their roof. It certainly wasn't like that when Jim Bob decided to basically rebuild their whole house as a surprise. 

[cereality]

I'm not sure if the Bates name is actually on the roof or if it was super imposed by ABC's graphics department -- the same way the Duggars bus said "Duggar" on the side. We've seen pictures of that bus and I don't think it has a name on it.

 

By no means am I saying they're perfect. They are fundie through and through, but they just seem more likeable and like they do care about the army of kids that they have. It was sweet to hear Gil say that they were going through empty nest syndrome because they only have 16 of 19 home -- I don't think JB or Michelle would feel that way because their views towards kids - esp Michelle - appears to be, there's more where that one came from.

 

I do think Alyssa was really honest about things. She did say that she loves the family but having 21 people around there's no privacy - she didn't sugar coat it. She also made their views really clear when asked if she doesn't want a career -- that she thinks kids will come before a career could get started -- i.e. she'll be having kids ASAP. Nice to know that she wants "only" 6-8 and could have up to 10. I think we'll see a lot of Duggars and Bates end up in that range; that's about the number of kids that you see in faiths that don't use BC and just rely on natural fertility. It's the Duggars and Bates constant trying in every cycle that has resulted in 19.

[OpieTaylor]

Gil say that they were going through empty nest syndrome because they only have 16 of 19 home

I haven't seen the show yet because I'm on the west coast, but the above sentiment sounds pretty ridiculous. He probably just means that they love all of their kids, but come on! Be happy for your older kids and focus on your younger ones.

[Lillybee]

I wonder how pissed Mullet and Boob are because their kids weddings are on a small cable channel and the Bateses wedding is on a real broadcast channel.

[OpieTaylor]

OK, now I watched the show and Gil's comment about "empty nest" was kind of a joke and the whole family does seem close and loving; they are pretty likeable.

[EtheltoTillie]

I wonder how pissed Mullet and Boob are because their kids weddings are on a small cable channel and the Bateses wedding is on a real broadcast channel.

Maybe not pissed at all.  I bet that ABC does not pay for appearances on a news show like Nightline, but the Duggars get paid for their show on TLC.

[Micks Picks]

I like that Lawson lends out money.  I gave it out.  For years.

 

My mother and sister needed the money and nobody ever mentioned paying me back.  I often bought things for them that they needed so they could use the cash for food.  Over the years, televisions, a refrigerator, washer and dryer, money for school functions, etc. came from me.  It really wasn't a problem.  It was family.  And yes I was married and my husband never said a word.  He did free fix-it jobs for them.  Did it make them like me any better?  No.  I was not the favorite child, and my sister is often as nasty as hell to me.  But I did what I felt comfortable doing.  It wasn't right for them to be so worried.

[Fuzzysox]

Did anyone else thing that piece was all over the place and sloppily put together? ABC could have done a much better segment on the family. I would have loved to see more of Alyssa's wedding.

 

Note to Boob and Bitchelle frontal hugs are normal! 

[bigskygirl]

I have a problem when two selfish parents have nineteen kids and expects one of their children to hand over money to help take care of their children. The son did not have a choice in the matter of his parents having numerous children they cannot support. Plus the answer the mother gave when it came to taking drugs to make sure she did not miscarried. If God had a say so in the number of children, they should have left it to God to decide if pregnancy was a risk to take. Bringing a child into the world because the parents wanted to push the envelope in the developmental and physical health needs of the child is narcissism. Plus, who paid for the drugs since they cannot afford insurance. Did they ask the son for the money?

 

The oldest son reminds me of Smuggar in looks. I see JimBoob and Mullet were shown at the wedding, but not the kids and grandchildren aka the investments that brought the fame into their lives for these two famewhores. Why am I not surprise.

 

I thought it was interesting the newly married daughter said about not having privacy. I think she misses her family but does not miss being around them 24/7. I also wonder if she would really have a career since the girls are told they are only good at having babies and serving their husbands.

[Fostersmom]

Alyssa wasn't ever considering a career IMO. The day she got engaged, she dropped out of school. She had been attending some classes, but the second the ring was on her finger, she was done. Wonder who paid for that one. At least Erin finished her music degree.

[floridamom]

Yes, but sadly Erin's music degree is from a non-accredited college. She can't do a thing in the real world with it. THAT, my friends, is truly a waste of time and someone's money.

[RedheadZombie]

I think it's pretty funny that Gil thinks getting a bank loan is somehow wrong, but using your child's money is no big deal. I bet the real reason they don't have a loan is because they have a bad credit report.

[Absolom]

Erin can continue to give private music lessons and she can also do music and music education at a church.  She could even teach music at a church school.  It's limited in its use, but not totally useless.

[Fostersmom]

I think Alyssa's classes were also at Crown College, so it's not like hers were going to be any more valid. I have no idea what she was studying. 

[PecanSandie]

The thing about Erin's music degree: in the circles she moves in it is of much value. Any Christian school in the area would love to have her on staff. Or even out of the area. A Christian school in my area just hired two Crown College graduates. I'm about 600 miles from Knoxville.

But I'm guessing that she may see her CD's as a better option for right now, as far as making money goes. And then there is also a church pianist job.

[DangerousMinds]

I think any education is better than none. Is it true Kelly had no health of surname through all of those pregnancies? How did she get proper prenatal care? I understand going to the ER for the actual birth and emergencies, but what about all the standard stuff?

[trimthatfat]

My only issue with Lawson lending out money is that I'm sorry, if you choose to bring 19 children into the world, you damn sure better be able to afford what comes with it (college tuition, house renovations, clothes, food, etc.). I get the nagging feeling that the family just goes to Lawson, says 'I need money for xyz', and he hands it over, not because he truly wants to, but because he feels he has to. I'm sure the money used for Kelly's fertility treatments could have been better allocated for the family.

 

After seeing Erin's wedding and being completely confused by her cartoon voice and child-like demeanor, I was prepared to see the same personality in Alyssa. Alyssa is actually quite mature. I appreciated that she was upfront and said she liked living with her husband and not having a ton of siblings around. She seems to love it in Florida based on what I've seen on her instagram.

 

Did anyone else thing that piece was all over the place and sloppily put together? ABC could have done a much better segment on the family. I would have loved to see more of Alyssa's wedding.

 

Note to Boob and Bitchelle frontal hugs are normal! 

I agree. I actually thought the special was going to solely be about the wedding, so the fluff portion about their road trip or whatever was so boring. I personally feel like it was a waste of time to watch.

Edited July 13, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Absolom]

I think any education is better than none. Is it true Kelly had no health of surname through all of those pregnancies? How did she get proper prenatal care? I understand going to the ER for the actual birth and emergencies, but what about all the standard stuff?

 

Victim of autocorrect?  I don't know what health of surname is.  Kelly went to a Christian clinic for pre-natal care at least for the last several pregnancies.  They seem to provide care on a sliding scale according to ability to pay. 

 

Kelly didn't have fertility treatments.  That is to help one conceive.  She received hormone supplement (progesterone) to stabilize an existing pregnancy.

[trimthatfat]

I think health of surmane = health insurance.

 

And okay, so Kelly had hormone therapy. I stand corrected. I thought she used IVF or another treatment to conceive. Regardless, while relatively cheaper than other treatment options for conception and pregnancy, hormone therapy still isn't free. IMO, that money and the money spent on hospital stays after the births (since they appear to be uninsured) could have better spent when you have children who are interested in attending college, particularly when the women are discouraged from working. IMO, Gill and Kelly shouldn't get a pass in this case. Unlike the Duggars, they don't have a steady stream of money from personal businesses, television shows, and speaking engagements.

 

I like this family because the parents at least seem interested in their children, but I also think in a lot of ways, they are no different than the Duggars when it comes to questionable decisions.

Edited July 13, 2014 by trimthatfat

[Absolom]

No doubt about it that I question their judgment in trying to conceive as many pregnancies as possible and continuing even after needing help to maintain them while having so many other priorities.  They aren't self-sufficient by using the ER and the hospital and then having it written off or settling for pennies on the dollar.  I was answering a question and trying to keep things accurate. 

[Ljohnson1987]

How could Chad let Erin paint their room like that? It looks like a little girl's room. I guess that shows how immature Erin really us. 

[PecanSandie]

Does anyone know if Gil Bates is paid to serve on the board of directors at IBLP/ATI (Bill Gothard.)

[bigskygirl]

Maybe he is thinking he is going to get some action that he does not care what the room looks like. *whistles*

[cereality]

A Crown College degree isn't a Harvard degree, but I think it's still better than nothing. She can teach music at a Christian school or be a music director at a church; I'm not sure if she has a teaching certificate, but she could get one and also teach music at public schools esp. in the more rural areas where they live, where I'm guessing they're not getting a lot of Univ of Tennessee grads and even the public schools probably think a Crown College degree is ok.

 

As for Alyssa, she had zero interest in a career and Kelly has been honest about that; the moment she got a ring, she quit college and I think may have quit her florist job as well. It varies by kid even in these families -- Erin didn't quit after proposal or even after the wedding. I think that was probably her choice, I doubt the son of a Congressman is SO opposed to education that he made her quit.

 

As for loans from Lawson -- it's probably easier than going to a bank every time you need $1000 here or there; not to mention -- I highly doubt they are paying Lawson interest. Most regular Americans would float those costs on credit card, but I'm not sure if these families have credit cards and then you're looking at 20+% interest. Good for Lawson for starting his own business -- I guess he's now able to marry whenever he finds a girl to court. Ben should take note -- as it seems like he started courting first and is now scrambling to figure out what to do; same with JD and Joseph -- they need to figure something out if they want some girl's hand in marriage in a few years. I wonder what Nathan is doing? I know it's been said he preaches, but does that actually pay?

[bigskygirl]

I highly doubt they are paying Lawson back at all. Instead of running to your son to help pay for the other children, they should be finding ways to support their numerous children. Selfish nitwits.

[BestestAuntEver]

A Crown College degree isn't a Harvard degree, but I think it's still better than nothing. She can teach music at a Christian school or be a music director at a church; I'm not sure if she has a teaching certificate, but she could get one and also teach music at public schools esp. in the more rural areas where they live, where I'm guessing they're not getting a lot of Univ of Tennessee grads and even the public schools probably think a Crown College degree is ok.

She wouldn't be able to work in any of the public schools or many of the private/christian schools in TN. Tennesse requires graduateing from an accredited schools, passing certification & passing PRAXIS scores for teachers.

I can see Erin, tutoring & giving kids lessons, teaching other home schoolers music etc.

The Bateses definitely have better harmony than the Duggars.

[PecanSandie]

In regards to Erin teaching in a Christian school, I'm pretty sure the state board of education in Tenn. Is legally prohibited from forcing the Christian schools to follow their accreditation rules. http://www.tacs1.org/assets/Files/49.50.801.pdf

[Ljohnson1987]

http://abcnews.go.com/nightline

 

Alyssa's wedding piece is here.