S03.E13: Miami Vices

[yourmomiseasy]

We have not seen any other employees get up in their manager's face and scream to suck a dick, on or off the clock.

[panthergirl13]

I still dont see Kristen's end game in this. You want the cheater back with the 4 inch penis, why?

I really and truly want Arianna to say this very thing to Kristen. And how is this "evidence", anyway? Kristen can easily give that Miami Lice chick every physical detail of FL Tom's body to 'prove' she fucked him. 

 

I think what I love most is watching Kristen (AKA "I never screwed around with Jax! Never! How could you say such a thing! Oh wait, you found incontrovertible proof? Well maybe I did...") stand on the moral high ground about any of this stuff... She is TV gold.

[Persnickety1]

So much snark and so little time.

 

Dayum, Miami Girl is just tore up from the floor up, isn't she?

 

Besides the obvious work, the lighting in the bar was extremely unkind with regard to what looks to be a horrifically overdone nose job.  

 

Looks the same surgeon who carved Michael Jackson and perhaps even Joyce from RHOBH got ahold of her beak and seriously overdid it.

 

Schwartz even uttering the word "premed" just about made me aspirate on my prosecco.  I could have sat through the entire hour just watching him gallivanting around in front of the camera.  Epic shit, right there.

 

Does anyone know when this season winds down?  I'm sort of looking for Lisa to "fire" Kristen if it's close to the season's end but then rehire her for the upcoming season.  That psychotic bitch and her obsession with FI Tom is ratings gold and Lisa knows that.  Seems that firing her permanently would be akin to shooting herself in the proverbial foot.  Maybe she'll just put her on an extra-long suspension.

 

I want to know more about Jax hi-Jaxing Miami Girl's laptop.  Did he ever return it?  Did he keep it?  Why would he even take it?  To fap to nudies of FI Tom that Miami Girl may or may not have on said laptop?  So many questions but getting a straight answer out of FI Tom is pretty much impossible.

 

Oh, Scheana.  We've seen the previews.  Just be thankful that if Kristen lets her batshit crazy flag fly high at your wedding that it might take the attention off of your tacky looking dress.  Your wedding is a Bravo event.  You wanted it, you got it.  Bravo events normally turn into a free-for-all brawl, of which you are well aware.  Keep your Flintstone feet out of the line of fire and hope for the best.  Weddings are a total snoozefest for me, so I'm personally hoping for one of your cohorts to keep me entertained during that reception.  

 

How about those previews next week when Jax oh-so-conveniently lets Cigarette Sally sneak a peek at text messages which apparently incriminate Schwartz in yet another sex scandal?

 

Yes, Jax, the truth usually does come out sooner or later....Especially when your orchestrate the truth being revealed by sharing private text messages with a psychotic bitch like Kristen, who's goal this season is all about exposing cheaters, which is just all sorts of glorious irony, and she's going to run like Seabiscuit to share what she read in these texts with her sidekicks.  Which, of course, Jax knows.  He might be dumb as a rock, but he's a shit-stirrer extraordinaire.  

 

And I really don't need to see any more painful looking PDAs between FI Tom and Ariana.  There's more chemistry between Schwartz and Jax than there is between these two.  I think they're trying way too hard to ignite when they can't even generate a spark.  

 

Okay, counting down for next week...  

Edited January 27, 2015 by Persnickety1

[chlban]

So much snark and so little time.

 

Dayum, Miami Girl is just tore up from the floor up, isn't she?

 

Besides the obvious work, the lighting in the bar was extremely unkind with regard to what looks to be a horrifically overdone nose job.  

 

Looks the same surgeon who carved Michael Jackson and perhaps even Joyce from RHOBH got ahold of her beak and seriously overdid it.

 

Schwartz even uttering the word "premed" just about made me aspirate on my prosecco.  I could have sat through the entire hour just watching him gallivanting around in front of the camera.  Epic shit, right there.

 

Does anyone know when this season winds down?  I'm sort of looking for Lisa to "fire" Kristen if it's close to the season's end but then rehire her for the upcoming season.  That psychotic bitch and her obsession with FI Tom is ratings gold and Lisa knows that.  Seems that firing her permanently would be akin to shooting herself in the proverbial foot.  Maybe she'll just put her on an extra-long suspension.

 

I want to know more about Jax hi-Jaxing Miami Girl's laptop.  Did he ever return it?  Did he keep it?  Why would he even take it?  To fap to nudies of FI Tom that Miami Girl may or may not have on said laptop?  So many questions but getting a straight answer out of FI Tom is pretty much impossible.

 

Oh, Scheana.  We've seen the previews.  Just be thankful that if Kristen lets her batshit crazy flag fly high at your wedding that it might take the attention off of your tacky looking dress.  Your wedding is a Bravo event.  You wanted it, you got it.  Bravo events normally turn into a free-for-all brawl, of which you are well aware.  Keep your Flintstone feet out of the line of fire and hope for the best.  Weddings are a total snoozefest for me, so I'm personally hoping for one of your cohorts to keep me entertained during that reception.  

 

How about those previews next week when Jax oh-so-conveniently lets Cigarette Sally sneak a peek at text messages which apparently incriminate Schwartz in yet another sex scandal?

 

Yes, Jax, the truth usually does come out sooner or later....Especially when your orchestrate the truth being revealed by sharing private text messages with a psychotic bitch like Kristen, who's goal this season is all about exposing cheaters, which is just all sorts of glorious irony, and she's going to run like Seabiscuit to share what she read in these texts with her sidekicks.  Which, of course, Jax knows.  He might be dumb as a rock, but he's a shit-stirrer extraordinaire.  

 

And I really don't need to see any more painful looking PDAs between FI Tom and Ariana.  There's more chemistry between Schwartz and Jax than there is between these two.  I think they're trying way too hard to ignite when they can't even generate a spark.  

 

Okay, counting down for next week...  

Perfection. ITA with all of it.

[OnceSane]

I want to see Schwartz leaping everywhere he goes.

[bichonblitz]

I wonder if Lisa will actually fire either of them? I would imagine that even though Lisa would deny it, she has to run all of this stuff by Bravo, right? I would imagine she gave up the right to actually fire someone for being a shitty employee when she started taking the Bravo checks.  Anyone know how this actually works? I know they work for Bravo, and assume SUR, but does one trump the other? 

 

 

Lisa is not going to fire Scheana. She already summoned her to her office/table last night to scold her and Scheana apologized. That was the extent of it. 

Actually, Lisa chewed everybody's ass except Kristin. 

[Persnickety1]

Lisa is not going to fire Scheana. She already summoned her to her office/table last night to scold her and Scheana apologized. That was the extent of it. 

Actually, Lisa chewed everybody's ass except Kristin. 

 

I think we get to see that next week.  If I recall correctly, it was in the previews, with Kristen retorting to Lisa's chastisement with her usual psychobabble.  

 

Damn, it's only Tuesday and I'm already counting down to see that next week and Jax leaking Schwartz's apparently incriminating texts.

 

I don't know what I'll do with my Monday nights when this gem wraps up the season.

 

Full disclosure:  I have every single episode of this gem on the DVR.  Who am I kidding...I'll just cue up an episode, any episode at all, and relive the series in all of its splendor and glory.  

Edited January 27, 2015 by Persnickety1

[charmed1]

Considering the way Jax is all about ratting out his friends' behavior the first chance he gets, I have to ask -- why are ANY of those idiots giving this knuckle-dragging over-the-hill douchenozzle the time of day?

I couldn't understand why or how Katie could pick him up and drive him around. As soon as he opened the car door, I would be like "Woah, woah what do you think you're doing Snarf? You're not getting your sweaty stinking ass in this car, even if it is a rental." After he talked all kinds of shit about her. Said he wished her man would cheat on her. No freaking way would I be chauffeuring that douche around.

[ScoobieDoobs]

I think Ken called her a "manageress". It's English English. And, yeah, it sounds insulting, although I don't believe he meant it to be. Although he's a terrible snob.

 

 

Oh, I thought Ken was referring to her as a mini manager or assistant manager.  I don't pay much attention to Ken cuz he usually seems so senile & out of it, whether on here or Beverly Hills.  And when he does seem coherent, he's mostly nasty & cranky as fuck.  Man, he's such an unpleasant character. 

 

So Peter was there when Miami Loon was there.  Wonder if Peter is a manager & Diana is an assistant manager or if they're both managers.  Sheesh, the way Kristen spoke to Diana was just nuts.  In any place of business anywhere, that would get ya fired.  Ah, but not workin for Lisa.  You can scream your guts out in front of customers, like Scheana did, or leave your job without telling anyone as Ari & FI did & it''s just A-OK with Lisa.  Hey, chucklefucks everywhere, go work for Lisa.  She got a job for life for ya.

 

I thought James was a lady at first glance when I saw him in the wool cap. He looked like Lucille Ball.

 

 

Wait, I just was watching some Doris Day thing on TCM & Doris was wearing a hat just like Muppet James & she had her hair styled just so, with bangs curled over the hat -- just like Muppet.  Congrats Muppet, ya look like Doris Day!  Oh, Kristen, hun, ya went from a flat ironing guy with a 4 inch dick to dating Doris Day.  Now maybe I can see why you want FI the 4-incher back so badly.

 

Jax - "Girls can be broken". He's just so gross. I hope some girl breaks his legs.

 

 

So is Carmen back with him?  WTF?

[bichonblitz]

So are going to be subjected to Scheana's dream wedding?  Please, no. 

[ghoulina]

Actually, Lisa chewed everybody's ass except Kristin.

 

I think that's probably because she was the only one not at work that night and hasn't had to BE at work since the incident. When she comes back, though...watch out! Lisa will yell and threaten....and then probably do nothing. Or maybe she WILL fire her, and then Kristen will write a note and get her job back. Wait, doesn't Lisa own three different restaurants? Can't she split these people up better?

 

So is Carmen back with him?  WTF?

 

I don't think she is....yet. But he's working on it. He likes the "title", dontcha know? 

[BogoGog24]

I heard there are 18 episodes this season, so if that's true we have 3 episodes left plus 2 reunion episodes.

[OnceSane]

So are going to be subjected to Scheana's dream wedding?  Please, no.

Please yes! The tackiness will be delicious.

[The Mighty Peanut]

I loved the "wait, what?" On Kristen's face as she began to comprehend that Miami Girl confronting Tom was a direct attack on...Scheana (according to Scheana at any rate).

[goofygirl]

The BEST part of this ep??  NO FRICKIN' STASSI!!!!! Woohoo.  Is she off my teevee for good now??

[Phei]

For anyone who cares this is Anne-Marie's tweet about the whole thing :

 

@viva_la_ameryy  ·  17h 17 hours ago

@ShelLovesHello she did not. I'll say this.. I went to California in the summer & was contacted while I was out there. Not by Kristen.

 

(Seems like it was producer driven.. big shock there)

 

And this is her instagram (alot of selfies and food.. yawn)

 

http://instagram.com/annemariekunkel/

Edited January 27, 2015 by Phei

[Carolina Girl]

I couldn't understand why or how Katie could pick him up and drive him around. As soon as he opened the car door, I would be like "Woah, woah what do you think you're doing Snarf? You're not getting your sweaty stinking ass in this car, even if it is a rental." After he talked all kinds of shit about her. Said he wished her man would cheat on her. No freaking way would I be chauffeuring that douche around.

Yea, it appeared to me that Katie made quite the stinkface when she saw Jax getting in, like she was smelling bad shrimp.

[Duke2801]

For anyone who cares this is Anne-Marie's tweet about the whole thing :

 

@viva_la_ameryy  ·  17h 17 hours ago

@ShelLovesHello she did not. I'll say this.. I went to California in the summer & was contacted while I was out there. Not by Kristen.

 

(Seems like it was producer driven.. big shock there)

 

And this is her instagram (alot of selfies and food.. yawn)

 

http://instagram.com/annemariekunkel/

 

And lots of stupid "quotes" that are supposed to be deep or inspirational, but are mostly just stupid and annoying.

 

It does looks like she had a (young-ish) brother who passed away relatively recently though.  That is sad. 

[BloggerAloud]

I just love how Jax is always called a pathological liar UNTIL people need him to backup some story or shed light on something. Suddenly he's the most reliable of sources.

[Persnickety1]

So are going to be subjected to Scheana's dream wedding?  Please, no. 

 

Oh, indeed we are.

 

It was featured in the season preview when the season first started.

 

Considering how ugly things have turned at her past 2 birthday parties, I can only imagine the hell that shall break loose during the drunken reception.

 

And I can't wait.  

[ScoobieDoobs]

Hasn't she "threatened" it's gonna be a "dry" wedding?  We'll see bout that . . .

Edited January 27, 2015 by ScoobieDoobs

[ghoulina]

I'm looking forward to seeing the attire chosen for Scheana and her bridal party. I'm picturing Madonna circa "Like a Virgin". 

[chlban]

Oh, indeed we are.

 

It was featured in the season preview when the season first started.

 

Considering how ugly things have turned at her past 2 birthday parties, I can only imagine the hell that shall break loose during the drunken reception.

 

And I can't wait.  

I generally find these weddings such a snoozefest I don't watch. But trying to make a limited series out of them is just too much. The more I think about a VP wedding though. With Scheana's version of elegant and classy. That alone will be a hoot. Is she wearing hot pants? The purple eyelashes? 

 

Then add Kristen to the mix,  along with copious amounts of alcohol. The very best would be seeing smug Ariana dressed like an 80's version of Madonna.......  

 

Oh yeah. I'm there.

[Ubiquitous]

If I ever went to SUR it would absolutely be for the sideshow, not the food and drink.

Lisa Vanderbuck's claim about customers not wanting to see dramatic at her restaurant is laughable.

 

I need to pay attention to the gawkers in the background the next time this is on.

[FozzyBear]

Oh. My. God. This is the best show in the history of TV. Every week is better than the last. Kristen is taking away my mid-winter blues and replacing them with red hot crazy. Damn, girl is off the rails! I need a thousand memes of Kristen, Miami stalker girl, and random other Sur girl running through the SUR ally in their finest party dresses and high heels, clutching cocktails, and screaming at Tom and Ari to come back! The SUR alley is becoming my favorite place on earth. Shit goes down in the alley. And Tom ran away! Bwahahahaha! TOM RAN AWAY! I just....I can't...they're all so...I love this show.

[JenE4]

The SUR alley is becoming my favorite place on earth. Shit goes down in the alley.

So true! Why pay for overpriced goat cheese balls just to catch a glimpse of these chucklefucks when you can just brown bag it and hang out in the alley?

[FancySchmancy]

Just google "scheana wedding" and you can see ALL of the pics in ALL of their glory.  She wore a crop-top gown.  As you do.

[LoLo]

I have to keep telling myself this is scripted because I could never believe people of their age would act like moronic buffoons time & time again...

 

If Tom S. did sleep with Annamarie, I don't understand why she's obsessed with him admitting it. I would never degrade myself like that & tell the world that I had sex with a stranger & he denies it. Talk about pathetic. Kristen did tell her to go to the SUR but she's not the one that started yelling in front of customers. That was Scheana. I'm just being fair. Yes, Kristen is psycho, obsessed & a terrible employee but Scheana didn't have to start right then & there. It's work, Tom & Ariana left so save it for after work. 

 

Scheana doesn't seem to really like James either but she needs him for his tracks. So she puts up with Kristen to use James. I feel bad for James even if he's a bit creepy to me. He's young & he could do better than to be with someone who goes on tv & tells the world show she wants to be with her ex all the time.

[psychoticstate]

I remember when this show first aired I was sorely disappointed that it was about some stupid group of employees of Lisa's and not about Lisa's closet and her shoes and her life.  Now I can't imagine my Monday nights without said stupid group.  I can already feel the chucklefuck withdrawal beginning . . .

 

So, this episode was brought to you by the lips of FI and Nugget.  Thank Baby Jesus they kissed every time it was insinuated that FI cheated or had a sorrowfully small peen or crazy Kristen and/or Miami Annemarie showed up because clearly we would never believe that those two are SO. IN . LOVE. 4EVER. otherwise.  I don't know whether FI cheated or not but I'm suspecting that he did.  Something clearly went down because he ran off like a Lohan hearing of an open bar.  An innocent person wouldn't do that.  And even if Annemarie was a crazy stalker, why not call security over or another employee and then go get security?  Absolutely no sense.  Maybe FI's flat iron is zapping his precious few brain cells.

 

Like the poster above (I'm too lazy to scroll up to get a name, apologies), I give zero fucks about the Nugget.  No sympathy from me.  She knows FI is a cheater and she probably knows he's cheated on her (what a shocker.)  Her attempted takedown of Annemarie was painful.  She needs to go home and research on the internet how to appropriately read someone.  The best thing she could have done was to tell Annemarie that FI had already told her about it all and she didn't care.  That would deflate Annemarie's and Kristen's balloons. 

 

Yeah, sure . . . Annemarie's in her twenties.  Like a hundred and twenty?  Or she's in her twenties for the second time?  She's like the freaking cryptkeeper.  I hate to say it because I generally like Lisa but throw Annemarie into a purple dress, plot her into the opening credits and she could be Lisa (only because I don't think the opening credits do Lisa any favors.)

 

Dr. Evil could take some lessons from Kristen.  She is devious and I fucking love it.  Given that she's ride or die over FI's alleged four incher, what does that say about Jax?  He did say he only had one good nut.  She's certainly not fighting to get him so clearly he is even lamer than FI might be.  Or Kristen doesn't like Chunky Sweaters.

 

Baby Muppet in his wool hat had me laughing and laughing.  Almost as hard as Scheana being horribly incensed that Kristen could dare to set FI up ON THE WEEK SHE WAS GETTING MARRIED!!  The nerve of some people.  Scheana's indignation was priceless. 

 

Schwartz was awesome during his modeling shoot.  Tequila Katie was tolerable.  Carmen is a fucking moron and proof that stupidity rubs off.  No one seemed to address FI's comment that Jax was getting busy with Annemarie's friend on the beach - - wouldn't that mean that Jax was cheating on Carmen or Tiffany or somebody? 

 

Thanks to FI and the Nugget I had a breakfast burrito first thing this morning.

 

I watched this twice last night and will watch it again tonight.  It never gets old.   

[MaxAccess]

Oh. My. God. This is the best show in the history of TV. Every week is better than the last. Kristen is taking away my mid-winter blues and replacing them with red hot crazy. Damn, girl is off the rails! I need a thousand memes of Kristen, Miami stalker girl, and random other Sur girl running through the SUR ally in their finest party dresses and high heels, clutching cocktails, and screaming at Tom and Ari to come back! The SUR alley is becoming my favorite place on earth. Shit goes down in the alley. And Tom ran away! Bwahahahaha! TOM RAN AWAY! I just....I can't...they're all so...I love this show.

Right there with you Fozzy. I loved every minute of it. Bootleg MG, disappearing FI and Nugget (not to mention their try too hard kissing), crazy ass Kristen (tv gold), Schemer's delusions of wedding grandeur...it was all a gift. The comparison has been mentioned several times around here, but I have to add that I haven't been this happy since the heyday of Melrose Place: "Mondays are a bitch" and I second the poster who said losing Kristen would be akin to losing Kimmie on that show. It was never the same. Love the show and I love this damn board. Best on ptv.

[psychoticstate]

Right there with you Fozzy. I loved every minute of it. Bootleg MG, disappearing FI and Nugget (not to mention their try too hard kissing), crazy ass Kristen (tv gold), Schemer's delusions of wedding grandeur...it was all a gift. The comparison has been mentioned several times around here, but I have to add that I haven't been this happy since the heyday of Melrose Place: "Mondays are a bitch" and I second the poster who said losing Kristen would be akin to losing Kimmie on that show. It was never the same. Love the show and I love this damn board. Best on ptv.

 

I remember Melrose and its "Mondays are a bitch" ads.  Really smart and classic.

 

Although with this group, it would be more like "Mondays are an itch."

[MaxAccess]

I remember Melrose and its "Mondays are a bitch" ads. Really smart and classic.

Although with this group, it would be more like "Mondays are an itch."

Well played psychotic state. Well played.

[eringogreen]

Manager Diana looks like the spitting image of Cynthia Watros (Libby from Lost). I'm not entirely convinced that a role on Vanderpump Rules isn't just Cynthia's new gig.

 

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0914475/

[Teddybear]

 

Dayum, Miami Girl is just tore up from the floor up, isn't she?

Seriously.  FI Tom is in no position calling Jax's chick bootleg.  

[Phei]

For those of you who might not have heard about this podcast, I strongly suggest it,

 

http://www.pumpedpodcast.com/episodes/

 

The host Lara who is a best selling author and a somewhat obsessed fan of the show does this weekly podcast where has lately invited cast members to talk, there's definetly some interesting tidbits in there.

 

Like her date with Peter and her spat with James.

Edited January 28, 2015 by Phei

[The Mighty Peanut]

I love that everyone on this fucking shitshow how reacts with total hysteria 100% of the time. Does Tom look at Miami Girl with pity and say "OK Crazy, we had sex. Now go with the nice man." NO! He runs away in terror! Does Scheana wait for an appropriate moment to tell Kristen she feels betrayed? NO! She screams at her while balancing a serving tray and somehow makes it about her wedding! Does Kristen let Scheana dig her own grave? NO! She tells the manager to eat a dick! I'm going to make sure the cable bill is in my name so I can hoard this in my DVR forever without worrying about about a future ex trying to take it back.

Edited January 28, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[FozzyBear]

I love that everyone on this fucking shitshow how reacts with total hysteria 100% of the time. Does Tom look at Miami Girl with pity and say "OK Crazy, we had sex. Now go with the nice man." NO! He runs away in terror! Does Scheana wait for an appropriate moment to tell Kristen she feels betrayed? NO! She screams at her while balancing a serving tray and somehow makes it about her wedding! Does Kristen let Scheana dig her own grave? NO! She tells the manager to eat a dick! I'm going to make sure the cable bill is in my name so I can hoard this in my DVR forever without worrying about about a future ex trying to take it back.

Word. These people never look innocent, they always overreact like they have major skeletons in the closet (which I'm sure they do). Tom can't just walk up to crazy Miami wax statue of a girl and say "oh hi. What can I get you to drink? Nothing? The bar is for customers, you'll have to order or leave. How about a crazy nut job on the rocks?". Sheana can't just text Kristen after her shift with a "that was not a cool move. We need to talk." Kristen can't...oh fuck where do I even start with Kristen? She sets a dozen evil plans into motion before she's even finished her coffee in the morning. I love her and I hope she never changes.

Edited January 28, 2015 by FozzyBear

[Phei]

And lots of stupid "quotes" that are supposed to be deep or inspirational, but are mostly just stupid and annoying.

 

It does looks like she had a (young-ish) brother who passed away relatively recently though.  That is sad. 

What's funny is Kristen is very keen on those quotes as well, she keeps tweeting them and i think her shirt line is based on some as well. I didn't even read about her brother passing, I just saw a ton of selfies and immediately lost interest. Very sad.

[The Mighty Peanut]

I was expecting Miami Girl to have a better description of Tom's man bits, like it leans to one direction and he has a mole on his left ball. Instead it's pretty much just a confirmation that a penis exists and Tom is indeed a biological male on the smaller end of average. Not a glowing recommendation but hardly uncommon.

Edited January 28, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[yourmomiseasy]

 TOM RAN AWAY! 

 

"I didn't run.  I walked." -- FI Tom

 

Scheana doesn't seem to really like James either but she needs him for his tracks. So she puts up with Kristen to use James. I feel bad for James even if he's a bit creepy to me. He's young & he could do better than to be with someone who goes on tv & tells the world show she wants to be with her ex all the time.

 

I know right?  I'm not just feeling sorry for him, I'm starting to like him.

 

Thanks to FI and the Nugget I had a breakfast burrito first thing this morning.

 

 

Me too.  I planned my morning around it.  Now it's 8pm and I'm still not hungry due to my chorizo and egg gut bomb. 

 

I love that everyone on this fucking shitshow how reacts with total hysteria 100% of the time. Does Tom look at Miami Girl with pity and say "OK Crazy, we had sex. Now go with the nice man." NO! He runs away in terror! Does Scheana wait for an appropriate moment to tell Kristen she feels betrayed? NO! She screams at her while balancing a serving tray and somehow makes it about her wedding! Does Kristen let Scheana dig her own grave? NO! She tells the manager to eat a dick! I'm going to make sure the cable bill is in my name so I can hoard this in my DVR forever without worrying about about a future ex trying to take it back.

 

I would possibly even go so far as to buy the DVD set for extras.  They better release one.

[charmed1]

Manager Diana looks like the spitting image of Cynthia Watros (Libby from Lost). I'm not entirely convinced that a role on Vanderpump Rules isn't just Cynthia's new gig.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0914475/

I never watched Lost, but I was a faithful watcher of The Guiding Light, and Cynthia played Crazy Annie. A woman who knowingly carried a dead fetus around in her womb to keep her husband and then faked being assaulted by her romantic rival in order to pin the baby's death on her. That's a perfect plot for Kristin.

[Ubiquitous]

Word. These people never look innocent, they always overreact like they have major skeletons in the closet (which I'm sure they do). Tom can't just walk up to crazy Miami wax statue of a girl and say "oh hi. What can I get you to drink? Nothing? The bar is for customers, you'll have to order or leave. How about a crazy nut job on the rocks?". Sheana can't just text Kristen after her shift with a "that was not a cool move. We need to talk." Kristen can't...oh fuck where do I even start with Kristen? She sets a dozen evil plans into motion before she's even finished her coffee in the morning. I love her and I hope she never changes.

I get the distinct feeling these people are emotionally stunted. Edited January 28, 2015 by OnceSane
removed inappropriate word

[runforcover]

Dear Gawd! THIS SHOW IS CRAZY GOOD.  I'm obsessed.  I mean I am watching a woman waste precious moments chasing down some other lunatic who is also wasting precious moments - This show is an unabashed epic waste! LOVE.

 

 

[runforcover]

Did anyone catch the conversation between Jax and Schwartz?  Did Jax refer to "Schwartz and Katie" in the past-tense?

[JenE4]

Did anyone catch the conversation between Jax and Schwartz? Did Jax refer to "Schwartz and Katie" in the past-tense?

I wouldn't analyze Jax's grammar for any deep meaning. I'm still amazed that the neanderthal can string together words beyond grunts. I thought the funniest Jax line was when he was in Katie's car, talking about why James would put up with Kristin and Jax said, "Have some self-respect!" I laughed and laughed because his M.O. is finding women with no self-respect, wearing down Carmen so she'll overlook that he dumped her for another woman (who had enough self-respect to dump Jax after he banged a bootleg chick).

I'm hoping one of you has the timeline on this Miami trip.* Tom--or maybe it was Annemarie--mentioned this trip occurred in February. Does anyone know when Tom and Kristin broke up and he started dating Ariana? Annemarie said that Tom was talking about his long-term girlfriend that she thinks he was still in love with. (Don't feed the obsessed ex!) But no mention of Ariana, so maybe they weren't in a committed relationship yet. But, I suppose if they weren't Tom would have just said so.

More Schwartz and his jaunty modeling jumps! I remember season 1 we had a lot more macting clips like this. I'm presuming they're not getting as many macting gigs after being associated with this show.

*ETA: Thank goodness that Scheana's made this ALL about her so we know that Miami girl visited SUR on or about July 20, 2014--one week before her wedding. So this trip to Miami was 5 or 5.5 months prior. Anyone know how long Tom and Ariana have been dating at this point in the show?

Edited January 28, 2015 by JenE4

[bblancobrnx]

I want to see Schwartz leaping everywhere he goes.

So do i!!!!

Now maybe I can see why you want FI the 4-incher back so badly

Maybe it is 4 inches thick? Edited January 28, 2015 by bblancobrnx

[Ubiquitous]

More Schwartz and his jaunty modeling jumps! I remember season 1 we had a lot more macting clips like this. I'm presuming they're not getting as many macting gigs after being associated with this show.

I finally remembered what Schwartz's jaunty jetes reminded me of!

 

There's this ad for some sort of gravity boots ("Harris Tweeters"?) with this old man who proclaims "...and I feel GREAT!", followed by the lamest attempt at jumping I have ever seen!

[chlban]

Just google "scheana wedding" and you can see ALL of the pics in ALL of their glory.  She wore a crop-top gown.  As you do.

OMG. I love it. Crop Top wedding gown.

 

The bridesmaids dresses look amazingly normal though. Dammit, I wanted Ariana, the smug bitch, to suffer.

 

I love this show. 

[ghoulina]

I'm going to make sure the cable bill is in my name so I can hoard this in my DVR forever without worrying about about a future ex trying to take it back.

 

But then he wouldn't have a reason to dress in a three piece suit and come by your apartment every other week.

 

Oh wait, that's not normal?

 

 

 

 

OMG. I love it. Crop Top wedding gown.

 

Haha, not as tacky as I was hoping for, but still....no. Just no.

 

I actually kind of like Shay's white jacket, but the pants just fit him horribly and what in the fresh hell are on his feet???

Edited January 28, 2015 by ghoulina

[psychoticstate]

I would possibly even go so far as to buy the DVD set for extras.  They better release one.

 

 

There is no "possibly" about it for me.  I will go on record now that I have zero taste and will buy this thing on DVD as soon as it's released.  The thought of extras brings joy to my existence.

 

I wouldn't analyze Jax's grammar for any deep meaning.

 

 

I wouldn't analyze anything Jax says, does or thinks for deep meaning.  I don't think Jax and deep meaning have met and likely never will.   They are strangers in the way that Kristen and logic are.

Edited January 28, 2015 by psychoticstate