Interfamily Relationships: Bates Style

[Ilovemylabs]

One thing I noticed is that Kellie said they are usually running late, but she didn't brag about it the way the Duggars seem to do.  This family seems so much more normal to me than the Duggars--relaxed, truly loving, and fun loving as well.

[againstthewind]

Carlin was getting a little lippy towards her sister. I liked how they treated each other like normal siblings do.

[maraleia]

Talk about the ways that the Bateses relate to each other. Comparisons to the Duggars are allowed in this thread.

[Steff]

I like that the Bates kids have personalities and opinions and they are allowed to develop & express both.  With the Duggar kids there is very little individuality & the only opinion is the party line. The Bates kids are happy, laughing and interacting like siblings normally do. I also noticed that when Gil preaches, you know that is what he's doing, unlike JimBob who throws out random "preachy" nonsense when it isn't relevant.  I can't see the Duggars ever having so much fun on a canoe ride, with all the teasing, chasing each other, and dumping of canoes. 

 

Lawson is still way too cute & I can't believe that Nathan has actually grown into his ears.  He doesn't look nearly as goofy as he used to.  He's right on the line between goofy & good looking. 

[Hero]

I like that the Bates kids have personalities and opinions and they are allowed to develop & express both.  With the Duggar kids there is very little individuality & the only opinion is the party line. The Bates kids are happy, laughing and interacting like siblings normally do. I also noticed that when Gil preaches, you know that is what he's doing, unlike JimBob who throws out random "preachy" nonsense when it isn't relevant.  I can't see the Duggars ever having so much fun on a canoe ride, with all the teasing, chasing each other, and dumping of canoes. 

 

Lawson is still way too cute & I can't believe that Nathan has actually grown into his ears.  He doesn't look nearly as goofy as he used to.  He's right on the line between goofy & good looking. 

Lawson is a cutie and Nathan looks so different since I watched their so on TLC. He is getting more handsome. 

[Steff]

In tonight's episode, Kelley does something I don't think I've ever seen J'chelle do...she PARENTED her kids!!!!!!!!!  We got to see the "talking to" BEFORE hitting a store & being out of control.  We saw her take over watching the littlest one to keep him under control, she didn't just laugh at the camera & then ignore it while another kid dealt with it.  And then, when Jeb was starting to throw a fit being put into the van, she stops & talks to him & deals with the fit.  ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No adult daughter needed to handle it, no stupid giggle fits while someone else takes care of the problem. 

[andromeda331]

In tonight's episode, Kelley does something I don't think I've ever seen J'chelle do...she PARENTED her kids!!!!!!!!!  We got to see the "talking to" BEFORE hitting a store & being out of control.  We saw her take over watching the littlest one to keep him under control, she didn't just laugh at the camera & then ignore it while another kid dealt with it.  And then, when Jeb was starting to throw a fit being put into the van, she stops & talks to him & deals with the fit.  ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!  No adult daughter needed to handle it, no stupid giggle fits while someone else takes care of the problem.

 

I noticed that too. Kelly parented. She didn't act as if it was cute and my favorite part was her saying how the shops would look at them when they came after being bad. I've often wondered if shops think that when they see the Duggars coming into their shop. She also shopped for her younger kids instead of making her older daughters do that. And kept reminding Jeb (sp?) not to touch things.   

[winsomeone]

When they visited Kelly's family, was her one sister black? I thought she introduced her as a sister, and then I wasn't sure.

[Brown eyed girl]

When they visited Kelly's family, was her one sister black? I thought she introduced her as a sister, and then I wasn't sure.

Yes , one of Kelly's sisters is black. Kelly said her sister was adopted and lived with her Mom.

[Carolyn15]

One thing I noticed is that Kellie said they are usually running late, but she didn't brag about it the way the Duggars seem to do.  This family seems so much more normal to me than the Duggars--relaxed, truly loving, and fun loving as well.

Gosh I so agree with you.. They seem like a " normal loving family"  .. 

[absolutelyido]

I really like this family too, from what I have seen of them. Does anyone know if the Bates have any sort of "buddy" system like the Duggars do? I'm curious as I don't believe they have heard it mentioned and, as discussed above, it seems like Kelly & Gil actually parent their own children.

[anstar]

Kelly has specifically said, on camera, that parenting the children is the job of the parents, that they were the ones who chose to have all those children.  I really loved that she said that.  (And I believe it was in response to a "buddy system" question.)

They expect all of their children to pitch in and help each other out, but they haven't abdicated their responsibility to the older daughters.

Edited June 1, 2015 by anstar

[Misslindsey]

Didn't Gil say in one episode after the Zach and Whitney kiss before marriage was discussed something that once the kids were out of their house they could live by their own set of rules? It's is similar to what a lot of parents say, but I liked hearing that from him, since I have a hard time believing that Jim Bob and Michelle would be feel the same way.

 

I also like that a lot of the older kids, both the girls and boys, have jobs or are in college (yeah it is Crown College, but I will take it). I assume it will change for the girls after they get married, but it is something.

[lookeyloo]

I thought I remember them saying that the Whitney/Zach kiss was a "slip up" of sorts and Whitney and Zack confessed to Gil and Kelly about it.  Does anyone remember that?

[gunderda]

Didn't Gil say in one episode after the Zach and Whitney kiss before marriage was discussed something that once the kids were out of their house they could live by their own set of rules? It's is similar to what a lot of parents say, but I liked hearing that from him, since I have a hard time believing that Jim Bob and Michelle would be feel the same way.

 

I also like that a lot of the older kids, both the girls and boys, have jobs or are in college (yeah it is Crown College, but I will take it). I assume it will change for the girls after they get married, but it is something.

 

Jim Bob and michelle have said their kids can do what they want when they leave.... they can do what they want during their courtships.... but it's pretty obvious it's heavily ingrained in them to do as jim bob and michelle have taught. 

[JessDVD]

Both the Bateses and the Duggars have trotted out the "Our adult kids make their own decisions!" line, but when every Duggar kid does exactly what the parents' party line is, and there are variations among the Bates kids (Alyssa's maternity shoot in jeans, Zach & Whitney kissing ["mistake" or not], etc), it's easy to believe the Bateses actually mean it, and less easy to believe the Duggars do. Without getting too OT into the Duggars, Michelle's sanctimonious response to Jill & Derrick front hugging in the airport suggests exactly what the response would be to anything further than that. I feel like I recall Gil & Kelly getting a little high & mighty over Z & W's kissing, but ultimately accepting it was their decision and not being obnoxious about it.

[flyingdi]

I haven't watched this family much so I'm not clear on who's who but one of those teen girls needs some Ritalin. It's either Tori or Carlin. I think it's Tori. Every time she talks she gets louder and louder till I expect on of her siblings to shout, "Calm down, Tori!"

At least these kids have personalities though.

[BitterApple]

I haven't watched this family much so I'm not clear on who's who but one of those teen girls needs some Ritalin. It's either Tori or Carlin. I think it's Tori. Every time she talks she gets louder and louder till I expect on of her siblings to shout, "Calm down, Tori!"

At least these kids have personalities though.

They're both pretty hyper, lol.

[zenme]

I think tonight's episode really featured some of the relationships between the kids, and I thought that Zach's concern for Erin was really sweet.  He genuinely seems concerned about her pregnancy and the complications.  I also thought it was a sweet thing for him to mention how nice it is to see his sisters mature from girls to women in their marriages, and how well they're doing in their new roles.  I also like the way he seems to be a good father to Bradley.  Zach Bates and Josh Duggar as first-born sons of large Gothard families, couldn't be more different!

[IndianPaintbrush]

If Erin truly enjoys staying at home and cooking meals while Chad works, then good for her.  But it still irks me that a girl who disliked cooking and housework had to conform into someone else's idea of what a good wife is.  

[BitterApple]

I think tonight's episode really featured some of the relationships between the kids, and I thought that Zach's concern for Erin was really sweet. He genuinely seems concerned about her pregnancy and the complications. I also thought it was a sweet thing for him to mention how nice it is to see his sisters mature from girls to women in their marriages, and how well they're doing in their new roles. I also like the way he seems to be a good father to Bradley. Zach Bates and Josh Duggar as first-born sons of large Gothard families, couldn't be more different!

I think the older boys are much more active within the household, it isn't just the girls doing all the work. On one episode Gil and Kelly were getting ready to leave and Jeb was fussing and the only sibling he would go to was Trace. If that had been the Duggars, the kid would have been dumped on a Sister-Mom while Michelle strolled out the door without a backward glance.

[MMLEsq]

If Erin truly enjoys staying at home and cooking meals while Chad works, then good for her.  But it still irks me that a girl who disliked cooking and housework had to conform into someone else's idea of what a good wife is.  

But, just to play devil's advocate here, she might view it differently now that it's her own house and her own "family."  

[KarmaG]

If Erin truly enjoys staying at home and cooking meals while Chad works, then good for her.  But it still irks me that a girl who disliked cooking and housework had to conform into someone else's idea of what a good wife is.  

 

I don't think she had to. I get the feeling it became a "want to" once it was her husband, her family. Like MML said above me. Cooking and cleaning for two is much different than for 20+

[BetyBee]

I watched quite a few episodes this weekend and the Bates family is charming compared to the Duggars!  I love that the kids have personalities and true sibling interactions.  I love that Kelly tries to foster relationships (not duties) between the ones who are years apart.  I think it's hilarious that Jeb is so spoiled.  So is Josie, but Jeb is spoiled with love, I think, not due to lazy parenting.  I love how Gil and Kelly love their grandchildren and are able to see their children as individuals.  

 

Because I like this family, I worry that it is so large.  It's really hard to keep track of that many children.  I expect the tunnel to collapse.  I expect the swingset to roll down the hill (full of swinging kids).  I expect one to get left behind somewhere.  I expect a tumble off the balcony at the cabin, or for one or two to get stuck in the elevator for hours.  I could never be responsible for so many!

[ghoulina]

I like them as well. I just watched a few re-runs that were on over the weekend. One of them focused on homeschooling, which interests me as a homeschooler. The Duggars have always driven me mad, with the lack of education and options they give their children. I liked that Kelly Bates stressed being able to cater to the different children's different needs as one of the reasons they homeschool. I also like how involved she, personally, seems to be. I'm sure those older kids do help out plenty, but Kelly always seems to be right in the thick of it as well. She hasn't passed the little ones off to her older daughters to be raised. And I like that she places importance on college. I'm not even a huge believer that everyone should go to college, but she actually said something along the lines of simply never wanting the kids to stop learning. That's so important, a life long love of learning! She told one of her daughters to just take a few classes and see if she likes it. 

 

I think the biggest difference for me is just watching the kids. They seem real. They seem happy and well adjusted. We see a lot of true emotion out of them - the way Carlin and Tory laugh on the couch, that's not fake "haha, we're supposed to laugh now and act like we get along" BS. They're actually having fun together! And the kids appear to be able to think for themselves. Erin was going to have a hospital birth and she was going to get her an epidural, no questions asked. And I applaud that, as a woman who is HUGELY supportive of home birth and going "natural". Why? Because it appeared to be HER choice. 

 

The kids all seem to be choosing different paths and I think that's cool. It's not all, "Missionary, midwife, missionary, blah". I really like watching their family, I find them authentic and relatable.

[farmgal4]

I like the Bateses. I hate Gothardism and think that it's a totally ridiculous way of life. However, the Bates family shows that it doesn't have to be as dysfunctional as the Duggars have made it. It appears that it is possible to raise a happy family in spite of this bizarre cult. I think a lot of the Duggar dysfunction is uniquely a Jim Bob and Michelle problem.

IMO, JimBoob and MEchelle are the root cause of ALL Duggar dysfunction.

[Sew Sumi]

In all fairness, I believe Erin HAD to have a hospital birth due to her clotting condition. From there, she certainly gravitated toward having the epidural. If there's a next time for her, I hope she gets one; she certainly deserves it after he horrific first labor experience. 

[Misslindsey]

When Whitney had Bradley, didn't she get an epidural and Kelly was telling her it was perfectly fine to do so? I could be misremembering the whole thing.

[Absolom]

She did indeed.  At least the Bates family doesn't seem allergic to medical care for pregnancy and birth.

[Micks Picks]

Indeed, the other fundy family matriarch, Michelle, also got doctor care prenatal and during and after birth for all of her babies except for 2. One of the 2 exceptions had a doctor and nurse at home with her, while the other had only a nurse. I presume she must have had prenatal care to get that kind of medical care at her home. Odd that her daughters are on an at home, do it yourself binge, along with many of their friends.

Among the child bearing group I currently know, the mantra is no drugs, no nothing, but yes get all the testing and prenatal care. Woe to those who end up with a C section for any reason. They didn't do it right. Even worse is not breast feeding for any reason. Women do like to tear each other to pieces.

[BitterApple]

I was going to say, I think home birthing with fake midwives is likely a trend for Fundie women and conveniently masks the fact that most of them probably have no insurance.

[flyingdi]

Is it just me or do Brandon and Lawson look somewhat similar to each other?

[answerphone]

I've always wondered how all those girls can live together 24/7 and stay compatible. Teenage girls can be such a challenge. Even the good ones! They bicker, tease, borrow clothing, makeup, shoes... Maybe that's one reason Alyssa likes her peace and quiet. ?