Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[Quof]

15 minutes ago, PRgal said:

official photos are already out there, on show websites, etc..... so people can copy them regardless.  

Sure they can.   Albums/songs are already "out there", so people can copy those too, but it's still a violation of the artist's copyright. 

[backformore]

19 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

 

 

They don't have water fountains at the courthouse?

Nope.  At least not in the juror area, which is where you have to stay until called. Vending machines only.

[Quof]

Word to the wise - never drink from the fountain in the courthouse.

[Bastet]

I don't give a tinker's damn if people set off reasonably contained backyard fireworks for an hour or so on July 4th, even though it is prohibited here, but fireworks for hours late into the night and for days before and after the holiday do bother me, along with those that are landing in someone else's yard.  It's excessive, and at that point, quite rude. 

[Mindthinkr]

21 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I don't give a tinker's damn if people set off reasonably contained backyard fireworks for an hour or so on July 4th, even though it is prohibited here, but fireworks for hours late into the night and for days before and after the holiday do bother me, along with those that are landing in someone else's yard.  It's excessive, and at that point, quite rude. 

Oh I wholeheartedly agree. In my last place people didn’t have good aim or the fireworks went awry and they’d land on my roof; no matter what hour they wanted to shoot them off I had to stay up and be vigilant with the water hose at the ready. It’s just plain inconsiderate. 

[StatisticalOutlier]

32 minutes ago, Quof said:

Word to the wise - never drink from the fountain in the courthouse.

Uh oh.  I'm rabidly anti-bottled water and drink from fountains everywhere.  Every once in a while, like in a public park, I have a fleeting mental image of some guy rubbing his wiener on it or something, but just add it to the millions of other germ episodes that happen to me that I don't know about.

[bilgistic]

I fully acknowledge that this is the pettiest pet peeve ever: I really wish my downstairs neighbors would stop slamming their front door every time they enter or exit. The slamming literally shakes my whole apartment.

And if they could do something about their dogs barking and whining all the goddamned time, that'd be great.

[riley702]

Neither sounds petty to me!

[AgentRXS]

Ok I am in near tears and shaking because I am so angry right now.

I've dealt with the asshole next door to me following me outside and blowing his cigarette smoke my way.  I've dealt with his TV being so loud that I can hear it in the middle of my living room during the day.

This? Is the last fucking straw. I've spoke to him many times about his flood light and he had it turned off for a few months. Tonight he decided to put in on for no fucking reason. He's not outside to be aggravated by it, but did it to aggravate me as the night time is the only time I get to enjoy my patio with him constantly opening the door and following me outside.I cannot walk to my car and back with out being blinded by this light. We all have overhead lights (mine is the dimmer one on the right) so this is completely unnecessary.

I texted this photograph to my landlord and will be speaking with her tomorrow. She said she will talk to him. I know he is disabled and on a lease (I'm month-to-month) but I should have the right to enjoy the patio I rent from her just as much as he enjoys his patio time.

[TattleTeeny]

What a fucking jerk. I hope your landlord straightens his ass right out.

[bilgistic]

I want to know how it was okay for him to install permanent lighting (a floodlight!) in/on a rental unit.

[AgentRXS]

Its not a permanent fixture; its on a lamp.  I kindly asked her to ask him to use a dimmer light but I plan on anonymously contacting Code Enforcement anyway on Monday because I doubt he will listen and I doubt she will really enforce anything.

Here's what it is:

 

Edited July 8, 2018 by AgentRXS

[Bastet]

Holy shit, that's practically movie premiere searchlight level of light output.  Okay, hyperbole, but that's ridiculously bright -- there's no cause for something like that in that application, so I hope your landlord does right by you.

[GHScorpiosRule]

7 hours ago, Bastet said:

I don't give a tinker's damn if people set off reasonably contained backyard fireworks for an hour or so on July 4th, even though it is prohibited here, but fireworks for hours late into the night and for days before and after the holiday do bother me, along with those that are landing in someone else's yard.  It's excessive, and at that point, quite rude. 

I agree. Well, here in the States, that is. I think I mentioned this before, that should you ever find yourself wanting to visit India, don't go during Diwali, because well, we do have the fireworks, sparklers, firecrackers days before Diwali and a few days after. So it's like a week of them. And I'm okay with that when I'm there. And it's very odd, that this year, I didn't hear any fireworks a day or two before or after like I have in years past. Heck, I didn't even hear them ON the Fourth. I was exhausted and couldn't bring myself to drive to the park then walk to where the good "seats" on the lawn were. So I just chilled at home. But it was close enough to home that I should have heard them.

[bilgistic]

1 hour ago, AgentRXS said:

Its not a permanent fixture; its on a lamp.  I kindly asked her to ask him to use a dimmer light but I plan on anonymously contacting Code Enforcement anyway on Monday because I doubt he will listen and I doubt she will really enforce anything.

Here's what it is:

 

 

Well, he's preposterous in any case. I can understand having a motion-sensor light if it's really dark beyond the patio and he's scared of prowlers or alligators or raccoons or ghosts, but a motion-sensor light automatically turns off after a few minutes, and the light from a standard light bulb works just fine as a crime deterrent. Having a floodlight turned on constantly on a patio just isn't necessary.

People suck.

Speaking of which, people were still shooting off fireworks tonight, three days after the holiday. Idiots.

Edited July 8, 2018 by bilgistic

[StatisticalOutlier]

As I've mentioned, I live in an RV traveling around.  For the rest of the summer we're staying in the dirt/gravel truck yard of a truck driving school in an industrial area.  It's pretty squalid, as you can imagine, plus we're on limited electricity, and I have to run 150 feet of hose to get water, and we have to drive 10 miles every three weeks or so to dump the waste tanks.  But it's actually wonderful because we're here all by ourselves after 5:00, and even before that, it's just a few semi-trailer trucks going in and out or practicing backing up, which can be entertaining.

I used to joke that I would live in a landfill if it were quiet, but I don't think it's a joke any more.  My sincere sympathies to those with bothersome neighbors.  That's actually one reason we hit the road--chick with little kids moved into the unit across from me, in a condo complex that was a de facto retirement community.  Well, until she got there.  Ran me right out of my home of 15 years. 

And one of the biggest annoyances?  The god damn slamming door.

[Sun-Bun]

21 hours ago, AgentRXS said:

Its not a permanent fixture; its on a lamp.  I kindly asked her to ask him to use a dimmer light but I plan on anonymously contacting Code Enforcement anyway on Monday because I doubt he will listen and I doubt she will really enforce anything.

Here's what it is:

 

 

Awwww, @AgentRXS, I’m so sorry you’re having to with petty passive-aggressiveness courtesy of  such an asshole neighbor. Some people really need to learn how to live peacefully around other humans or otherwise just go do the rest of the community a favor and go live alone in a house somewhere like the creepy inner-hermits they truly are. Good for you going over your lazy landlady’s head and demanding your rights! No one should feel uncomfortable and terrorized in their own home—-much luck to you going forward.

 

I feel your pain a bit since I’ve lived the past ten years in my loft building—-it *still* astounds me how rude and oblivious some people can be about living in a shared building, especially a creaky/echoey older historic building like this one! These rules should be posted in every single shared building out there:

 

Don't slam your doors.

Learn to walk softly and not stomp like elephants.

Don’t wear your loudest shoes around inside when you don’t have to.

If you keep strange earlier/later hours, make a point to be quieter than usual during those hours: running your vacuum/blender during these hours is unacceptable. 

Don’t smoke/cook weird shit in your place that’ll stink up an entire floor for a week.

Don’t smoke on your terrace/patio exactly when you damned well know your non-smoking neighbors will also be out on their terrace/patios having to smell it too. Smoking is gross and so are you.

Pick up/clean up your shit from the hallways when you make a mess!

Learn to use an inside voice—-if I can hear your conversations/yelling from inside my own walls, you need to shut your loud ass up and quit straining your voice so goddamned much.

If you scream when you have sex, have some class and scream into a pillow or something; trust me, most of us don’t wanna hear anyone’s porn star fantasies from down the hallway.

Don’t blare your music: invest in some good headphones if you’re hellbent on regularly torturing your own eardrums. 

Learn how to keep your yappy dogs from yapping at all hours—-maybe research that shit before you move into a condo community with a yappy dog. 

And I don’t care whether you’re age 8 or 88: please don’t jump around, bounce balls and regularly spill stuff on your uncarpeted floors.

—Sincerely, Someone Who Actually Knows How to Be a Thoughtful and Considerate Neighbor

Edited July 9, 2018 by Sun-Bun
Get off my lawn.

[riley702]

@AgentRXS, what about his personal (I'd say sexual) harassment of you? Can that be pursued?

[AgentRXS]

Update: She made him remove the floodlight and put in a regular lightbulb. It's still kind of extra bright but not glaring like yesterday. I have to tread carefully with complaints as I am month to month and he is on a lease. She treads carefully with him because he is disabled and she is afraid of an ADA lawsuit. I love my place otherwise so I brought a face mask for the smoking and earplugs for the noise. I think part of the reason I'm paying $850/mo for an apartment now worth over $1200 is for tolerating this jackass. However, the minute he puts his floodlight in again,  I will be going to Code Enforcement.

Edited July 9, 2018 by AgentRXS

[Quof]

Quote

personal (I'd say sexual) harassment of you? Can that be pursued?

People are allowed to be assholes.  Unless someone is in a position of power over you, such as an employer, they can say anything they want until it reaches the level of a threat.  Notwithstanding what contestants, er, litigants, on Judge Judy think, there is practically no legal recourse for "harassment". 

[riley702]

I have serious problems with someone running out to try and and interact with her every chance they get. And then get pissy when she wants nothing to do with him.

[bilgistic]

2 hours ago, riley702 said:

I have serious problems with someone running out to try and and interact with her every chance they get. And then get pissy when she wants nothing to do with him.

Yeah, that's pretty much the definition of "harassment" and is a step in escalating male violence (see "Using Intimidation" in the top right of the wheel below). I'm proud of @AgentRXS for taking his actions seriously and for reporting him.

[SunnyBeBe]

21 minutes ago, bilgistic said:

Yeah, that's pretty much the definition of "harassment" and is a step in escalating male violence (see "Using Intimidation" in the top right of the wheel below). I'm proud of @AgentRXS for taking his actions seriously and for reporting him.

That's an interesting chart.  I've seen stuff like that before.  Thankfully, it's been a long time ago.  I wonder where the abuser gets it from. I mean, who would have the time to sit around and think of all those ways to terrorize and manipulate someone, especially, if they didn't grow up around that kind of thing.  I always wondered if it just comes naturally to some people.   

[bilgistic]

My father is an abusive narcissist (my parents split when I was five) and has done almost every one of the things in that chart. As a result, I'm highly attuned to pick up on abusive behavior when I witness it. There's a lot that goes into the pathology; I'm not a psychologist, so I can only give my somewhat educated and anecdotal opinion.

Our culture is steeped in toxic masculine behavior, which reinforces abuse. "Little" offenses are tolerated until it's full-on assault or murder, and then it's too late. One of the recent school shooters carried out his massacre because a girl rebuffed his advances.

Our culture teaches girls and women to be fearful and how to deal with harassment and abuse from men, but we don't teach boys and men not to harass and abuse.

I guess I should stop here before I get dinged for being "too political".

[PRgal]

1 hour ago, bilgistic said:

Yeah, that's pretty much the definition of "harassment" and is a step in escalating male violence (see "Using Intimidation" in the top right of the wheel below). I'm proud of @AgentRXS for taking his actions seriously and for reporting him.

The only problem with the chart is that it's heterocentric.  A woman can treat her wife/girlfriend "like a servant," make all the major decisions on her own and act like the "master" of the castle.  She can also define HER roles in the home that are different from her partner's.  And it also assumes the victim is female.  I actually feel badly for men in heterosexual relationships who are abused by their wives/girlfriends (it's more likely to be emotional than physical from what I understand.  Probably because of size difference) - they have very, very few services.  Usually, ones for men are for gay men. 

[AgentRXS]

There is no sexual element to my neighbor's harassment as he is firmly gay. He is abusive to everyone around him because he never got therapy for his own self-hate. From the phone conversations I've had no choice but to overhear as he has all his calls on speaker, he is a staunch Catholic that hates his own homosexuality. He also has health issues and is homebound, so the going-ons of his neighbors is his only source of entertainment. Did I also mention that he is a racist?  When I first moved in, he loved the fact that we are both from Italian descent and was very kind and neighborly. Once he found out most of my inner circle consists of people of color, all the BS started. He is just a rotten apple, through and through.

Edited July 10, 2018 by AgentRXS

[SunnyBeBe]

That's a good point.  I suppose that anyone can be the target of domestic violence and it does happen to men.  I've seen men who actually have gotten restraining orders from their wives and/or girlfriends. 

I do still find it curious when a male is VERY abusive in most every way, when he grew up in a home where violence and disrespect for others was not condoned, practiced or tolerated.  It really boggles the mind. I had known the man's parents, grandparents and sibling, since we were kids, so, I think I had a pretty good picture of what he was exposed to.  He did have an abusive uncle though, he was not allowed in their home, when drinking or acting out.   He never lived with the uncle, but, the uncle was abusive to his wife and kids.  I often wondered if it was somehow genetic.  

[PRgal]

25 minutes ago, AgentRXS said:

There is no sexual element to my neighbor's harassment as he is firmly gay. He is abusive to everyone around him because he never got therapy for his own self-hate. From the phone conversations I've had no choice but to overhear as he has all his calls on speaker, he is a staunch Catholic that hates his own homosexuality. He also has health issues and is homebound, so the going-ons of his neighbors is his only source of entertainment. Did I also mention that he is a racist?  When I first moved in, he loved the fact that we are both from Italian descent and was very kind and neighborly. Once he found out my most of my inner circle consists of people of color, all the BS started. He is just a rotten apple, through and through.

On the Italian part:  If he's immigrant, he could be one of those very into ethnic/cultural superiority.  First/immigrant gens often are.  Most are more subtle about it, but some, well, they're crazy - especially those from cultures which have had some sort of dominancy some time in history (e.g. Chinese, Indian, Italian (going back to the Roman Empire), Greek).  

[bilgistic]

32 minutes ago, PRgal said:

The only problem with the chart is that it's heterocentric.  A woman can treat her wife/girlfriend "like a servant," make all the major decisions on her own and act like the "master" of the castle.  She can also define HER roles in the home that are different from her partner's.  And it also assumes the victim is female.  I actually feel badly for men in heterosexual relationships who are abused by their wives/girlfriends (it's more likely to be emotional than physical from what I understand.  Probably because of size difference) - they have very, very few services.  Usually, ones for men are for gay men. 

The website (noted on the graphic) from which the graphic is sourced addresses the gender specifics on this page. Here is a snippet:

Quote

Why isn’t the Power and Control Wheel gender neutral?

The Power and Control Wheel represents the lived experience of women who live with a man who beats them. It does not attempt to give a broad understanding of all violence in the home or community but instead offers a more precise explanation of the tactics men use to batter women. We keep our focus on women’s experience because the battering of women by men continues to be a significant social problem–men commit 86 to 97 percent of all criminal assaults and women are killed 3.5 times more often than men in domestic homicides.

[peacheslatour]

2 hours ago, bilgistic said:

My father is an abusive narcissist (my parents split when I was five) and has done almost every one of the things in that chart. As a result, I'm highly attuned to pick up on abusive behavior when I witness it. There's a lot that goes into the pathology; I'm not a psychologist, so I can only give my somewhat educated and anecdotal opinion.

Our culture is steeped in toxic masculine behavior, which reinforces abuse. "Little" offenses are tolerated until it's full-on assault or murder, and then it's too late. One of the recent school shooters carried out his massacre because a girl rebuffed his advances.

Our culture teaches girls and women to be fearful and how to deal with harassment and abuse from men, but we don't teach boys and men not to harass and abuse.

I guess I should stop here before I get dinged for being "too political".

It's very telling in our culture that the "little offences" you cite are things that women deal with because we are taught to "be ladylike" and "don't make a scene". We've got to get over our ingrained politeness, it could save our lives.

[bilgistic]

The offenses are technically called "microaggressions". Things like, "You're too sensitive", "Why can't you just let it go?", making "jokes" at another's expense (sometimes with friends helping), deliberate attempts to annoy or sabotage a person at home or work...each of those things taken individually don't seem to be a big deal. But the more it goes on, the more it escalates and eats at you. That's what makes the behavior so insidious. It's "innocent" (to the aggressor) because it's not physical abuse. It's all just "in good fun" for the aggressor and the target is "overreacting".

[riley702]

3 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

It's very telling in our culture that the "little offences" you cite are things that women deal with because we are taught to "be ladylike" and "don't make a scene". We've got to get over our ingrained politeness, it could save our lives.

 

1 hour ago, bilgistic said:

The offenses are technically called "microaggressions". Things like, "You're too sensitive", "Why can't you just let it go?", making "jokes" at another's expense (sometimes with friends helping), deliberate attempts to annoy or sabotage a person at home or work...each of those things taken individually don't seem to be a big deal. But the more it goes on, the more it escalates and eats at you. That's what makes the behavior so insidious. It's "innocent" (to the aggressor) because it's not physical abuse. It's all just "in good fun" for the aggressor and the target is "overreacting".

Nailed it. I had a neighbor when I was in my 20s who was constantly out on his patio (that I had to pass to get to and from the parking lot) who would constantly ask where I was going, would run to try to physically grab my groceries "to do me a favor" and try to get into my apartment. I finally yelled at him, "You want to help me? Stop blocking the sidewalk!" and got told I was too proud, and no man would ever want me for not letting them help me. Thank God he moved out several months later.

Edited July 10, 2018 by riley702

[Guest]

12 hours ago, Quof said:

People are allowed to be assholes.  Unless someone is in a position of power over you, such as an employer, they can say anything they want until it reaches the level of a threat.  Notwithstanding what contestants, er, litigants, on Judge Judy think, there is practically no legal recourse for "harassment". 

I ended up watching a marathon of that true crime show "fear thy neighbor" the other day.  There are a lot of horrifying things about it, but among them is that in almost every episode they interview the cops who had been visiting the homes when someone would call them over harassment or disturbances and the cops explained how there was nothing they could do. In a lot of instances it felt like the cops were blaming the ultimate victim for failing to disengage.  I came away with a general feeling that its a bad idea to poke at crazy even if you are righteous in your position.  Unfortunately, by the time you know your are dealing with crazy its often too late to disengage in any other way than moving.

In my experience, people who don't have common courtesy for their neighbors aren't going to suddenly develop it because someone confronts them about it.

[Katy M]

To lighten the discussion a bit, I've found I have a new pet peeve.  Bathroom stall doors that close all the way when nobody is in them.  It's fine if there's a line, but when you walk in and you can tell the bathroom isn't empty (i.e. general noise, people at the sink, or whatever), you don't really want to have to check for feet under stalls to know which ones are empty and which are occupied.

[JTMacc99]

When the stall is locked, I like to try a couple more times just to be sure. 

[SunnyBeBe]

I'm peeved when there is no soap in the rest rooms.  I've noticed that those soap dispensers must not work that well, because, often there is a bottle of soap on the sink and none in the dispenser.  Not sure if they don't function well or maintenance doesn't fill them, so the employees get fed up and put their own bottle of soap out. I've notice that happening a lot lately at all different kinds of places.  

[EighteenTwelve]

One of my useless superpowers is trying to use the one soap dispenser in any given restroom that's out of soap at the moment.

My current pet peeve is the weather, which is arranging for my chorus rehearsal days to be shoot-me-now humid.  I don't WANNA wait for public transportation for at least fifteen minutes on both ends of a two and a half hour rehearsal in shoot-me-now humid!

[SunnyBeBe]

It is rough to wait outside when it's super humid and close to 100 degrees. Uhhhh..brutal.  I'm pleased to say that we had a very LOW temp in our area last night and it is SO NICE!  It went down into the 50s!  It's only 83 now! 

[Guest]

Today's peeve is the special snowflake in the white BMW who turns left on yellow and then sits in the intersection blocking traffic for the entire light.

[backformore]

9 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I'm peeved when there is no soap in the rest rooms.  I've noticed that those soap dispensers must not work that well, because, often there is a bottle of soap on the sink and none in the dispenser.  Not sure if they don't function well or maintenance doesn't fill them, so the employees get fed up and put their own bottle of soap out. I've notice that happening a lot lately at all different kinds of places.  

Yeah, and I'm peeved when a restaurant restroom has that sign saying employees must wash their hands, and there's no soap AND the sink is one of those automatic ones that shoots 3 seconds of cold water before it shuts off.   But they have a SIGN,  so they followed the law.

[PRgal]

I've had it up to *HERE* with younger millennials whose idea of being politically correct and open-minded means they aren't open to hearing different perspectives or people who are just curious about things.  Instead, they criticize, yell and call you ignorant.  At a gossip/celeb-related social FB group I'm on, one girl asked how she should handle another (white) girl who started using the n-word.  Said girl does not speak English as her primary/first language and is not super-familiar with American culture/history.  She said she heard people use it in music and thought it was okay.  So here I thought:  teachable moment.  Talk to her about history.  Sure, that works.  However, I also asked why we rarely hear other ethnic groups use slurs amongst themselves - especially slurs they did not "invent" themselves (e.g. ch!nk for Chinese/East Asians.  I have NEVER heard it used amongst other Asians within their own groups).  Rather than giving me a straight answer, they went on and on about history.  I know the history, but I just wanted to know why it's okay for some communities, but seen as wrong by others (c-word is seen as wrong in East Asian communities, even amongst themselves.  It's just not done, period).  No one bothered to give me a straight answer, and just thought I was stupid.  I think they're a few years younger than me, and I've found that that segment REALLY likes the "my way or the high way" philosophy. 

[Popples]

On 7/10/2018 at 6:59 AM, Katy M said:

To lighten the discussion a bit, I've found I have a new pet peeve.  Bathroom stall doors that close all the way when nobody is in them.  It's fine if there's a line, but when you walk in and you can tell the bathroom isn't empty (i.e. general noise, people at the sink, or whatever), you don't really want to have to check for feet under stalls to know which ones are empty and which are occupied.

I once went to a charity function at a hotel that had bathroom stall doors that not only closed all the way when vacant, the doors went from ceiling to floor so it wasn't possible to even look for feet to see if someone was in there. Sure enough, the first one I tried the person inside had to yell "Occupied!" and I was so embarrassed and apologized profusely.

[Quof]

Why? Did the door open?  And if it did, they should have locked it properly.  Nothing for you to be embarrassed about. 

[Blergh]

5 minutes ago, Quof said:

Why? Did the door open?  And if it did, they should have locked it properly.  Nothing for you to be embarrassed about. 

That's one of my pet peeves right there- folks who do NOT bother to lock single-occupancy restroom doors then get upset when another person tells them 'next time LOCK the door'!

[JTMacc99]

1 hour ago, Blergh said:

That's one of my pet peeves right there- folks who do NOT bother to lock single-occupancy restroom doors then get upset when another person tells them 'next time LOCK the door'!

Jeez, if you don't lock the stall of a public restroom stall, you should be prepared to meet some people who didn't want to meet you.

[riley702]

On 7/10/2018 at 9:01 AM, JTMacc99 said:

When the stall is locked, I like to try a couple more times just to be sure. 

LOL. I just now got this. Slow morning yesterday.

Also, what about doors that don't lock? I've run into those semi-frequently. I'd be beyond peeved if I couldn't wait for a locking stall, had someone try to barge in and then yell at me to lock a non-lockable door.

Edited July 11, 2018 by riley702
had to look up "I've ran" vs "I've run"

[JTMacc99]

It's okay @riley702. A great deal of the stuff I say is just to crack myself up, but I'm always happy when someone else comes along with me, even a day late.

And the idea of me jiggling the handle of a locked stall multiple times "just to be sure" definitely cracked me up. What kind of monster would do that?

[Katy M]

Actually, I was using the bathroom at the pool to change yesterday (they don't have separate changing rooms), and the door opened just as I was about to leave. I actually thought I had locked the door.  No harm done, but we were all apologizing to each other.

[riley702]

2 minutes ago, JTMacc99 said:

And the idea of me jiggling the handle of a locked stall multiple times "just to be sure" definitely cracked me up. What kind of monster would do that?

Someone annoyed by the occupant not having the decency to say "Occupied!" or something, instead of remaining silent? Silent seems rude, and someone might assume the door is blocked and try harder to open it. Hee hee.

[Wiendish Fitch]

Yeah, public bathrooms can be like any variation of Russian Roulette. What I do, if a door is closed but I'm not sure if someone's in there, I ever so gingerly press the door with my finger. If it gives and no one's in there, great. If it doesn't, then someone's in there, and I walk away, dignity intact for everyone concerned.