Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[BetyBee]

14 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

I agree with @Suzn.  People just don't know what to say.  I am still experiencing that after the loss of Sweet Son.  I now just say "fine" even though I am not fine but no one really wants to know that.  Or sometimes I say "coping" or "managing".  

Thank you so much, @lookeyloo and all of you with your wise input. It helps to know that a detailed response isn't expected (or wanted in some cases). I guess the question bothers me because it's like people expect grieving to move along some imaginary timeline where one day you are "over it" which doesn't happen. The truth is that it's a life sentence to live without a loved one and the pain varies. Very few want to hear about that! We're private people and while I appreciate that people are acknowledging the loss, I really don't want to respond in depth. I have a few people in my life who are also experiencing the loss of a loved one and they get it. I'm also not comfortable talking about my husband's pain to others, especially those who don't know him well. In those situations, I will stick to simple, standard responses going forward. ♥️

[GeeGolly]

Sending out safe vibes to all of you in the CA area. 🌧️🌈

[Salacious Kitty]

11 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Sending out safe vibes to all of you in the CA area. 🌧️🌈

The spigot is off for the time being. We expect more tonight through Wednesday. 

eta Just checked the long-term forecast, and there's a more than 50% chance of rain every day between tomorrow and the 20th. Yikes!

Edited January 8, 2023 by Salacious Kitty

[lookeyloo]

9 hours ago, BetyBee said:

Thank you so much, @lookeyloo and all of you with your wise input. It helps to know that a detailed response isn't expected (or wanted in some cases). I guess the question bothers me because it's like people expect grieving to move along some imaginary timeline where one day you are "over it" which doesn't happen. The truth is that it's a life sentence to live without a loved one and the pain varies. Very few want to hear about that! We're private people and while I appreciate that people are acknowledging the loss, I really don't want to respond in depth. I have a few people in my life who are also experiencing the loss of a loved one and they get it. I'm also not comfortable talking about my husband's pain to others, especially those who don't know him well. In those situations, I will stick to simple, standard responses going forward. ♥️

Very well said and I agree.

[jcbrown]

On 1/8/2023 at 4:31 AM, BetyBee said:

I guess the question bothers me because it's like people expect grieving to move along some imaginary timeline where one day you are "over it" which doesn't happen. The truth is that it's a life sentence to live without a loved one and the pain varies. Very few want to hear about that! 

Absolutely true. When my mom was dying and we were sitting with her 24/7 at the nursing home for a week, one of my parents' church friends wanted to know "have you grieved this loss?" I don't even remember how I responded. Yes, lady, I have grieved for years due to Mom's dementia and will continue to grieve for the foreseeable future, is that what you want to hear? I know she meant well and she and her husband were really good to Dad (even though she never stopped driving him a wee bit nuts) when he was dying a decade later but jiminy christopher, take one second to think before you ask such a question of someone whose loved one is in the process of dying. (I'm admonishing her, not you guys.)

[lookeyloo]

It is perplexing to me what people think to say to someone who is grieving or who has had a significant loss and the specific feelings that go along with it. One woman told me after Sweet Son died that I needed to "get over the anger". What?  Why did she assume I was angry. Maybe she would have been. I wasn't and am not. Someone else who is a close friend said she thought I would have moved on after a few months. Almost 2 years later she seems to have changed her tune. We don't communicate much.  And even though I know what I don't want to hear I couldn't say what I do want to hear. I still struggle to say something appropriate and comforting to people I know who are in the same boat. I know it hurts but how they process and what would be the right words to them from me remains mystery. I try and say something short. I do appreciate when I know the folks are sincere even if the words don't sound like it. So complicated. 

[Absolom]

I stick with I'm sorry for your loss.  I do not inquire, judge, or offer opinion.  If people want to open up, I listen.  

It's been working for me as far as I can tell.  It's the one thing people can say to me that seems honest, I can respond with a simple thank you, and we can all move on.  Very few people grieve like I do and the only other person I've found now has dementia and is definitely on borrowed time so there goes that connection.  

[ginger90]

Free Covid test order form:

https://special.usps.com/testkits

[Turquoise]

I think "I'm sorry" always works. 

I think generally people mean well. My brother committed suicide almost 10 years ago, and there were (are) a couple things people say that get to me. I was shocked at the amount of people who feel entitled to know which method he used (they aren't). If you weren't close to him and aren't close to me, the fact that he felt desperate enough to end his life is quite enough. The other one is people to this day still ask couldn't we see something was wrong. I had cancer 5 years ago. Not one person approached my parents and asked why they couldn't see ahead of time I had cancer. Illness is illness. Trust me, we all went over every interaction with a fine-tooth comb looking for something we missed. 

Concern is great and much appreciated, satisfying your curiosity is not. I will always be protective of my little brother.

[lookeyloo]

1 hour ago, Turquoise said:

I think "I'm sorry" always works. 

I think generally people mean well. My brother committed suicide almost 10 years ago, and there were (are) a couple things people say that get to me. I was shocked at the amount of people who feel entitled to know which method he used (they aren't). If you weren't close to him and aren't close to me, the fact that he felt desperate enough to end his life is quite enough. The other one is people to this day still ask couldn't we see something was wrong. I had cancer 5 years ago. Not one person approached my parents and asked why they couldn't see ahead of time I had cancer. Illness is illness. Trust me, we all went over every interaction with a fine-tooth comb looking for something we missed. 

Concern is great and much appreciated, satisfying your curiosity is not. I will always be protective of my little brother.

My brother did the same in 2002. And yes same for me. Sometimes people say "I'm sorry" in such a way that I want to slap them. I give them the benefit of the doubt as far as intentions for comfort or pity or fishing 

[CalicoKitty]

Yesterday was actually a "good" weather day--we only had hard rain with a lot of flooded roads.  The snow just started again right now.  We are supposed to get a "break" for a couple of days, and then another storm is rolling in Saturday for I don't know how many days.  The forecast looks like at least a week.  I had an appointment yesterday, and it was interesting driving in the rain while dodging the snow mounds left by the snow plow.  I had a huge lake in my side yard yesterday, but it had all drained in a couple of hours.  I did have an appointment out of town today, but I rescheduled for later in the month.  Who knows, we may have 6 feet of snow by then (gosh, I hope not).  I'm beginning to think it was a good thing I renewed my flood insurance.  Our rainfall is not as bad as what I have read about in California.  All their rain will certainly bring on lots of thick fog, which is so dangerous.  At least all the lakes will be nice and full this spring (I need to find at least one positive.)

Everyone, stay safe, warm, and stock up on batteries and flashlights.  (Has anyone who has Acorn TV watched "The Other One"?  It is really funny.

[zoomama]

on the topic of the rain - it is coming down here heavily! but the low cloud cover is amazing. i was driving home just a bit ago and could not even see the hills right in front of me less than a mile away -- hint: they should have been visible. on the news this morning i was watching the flooding in northern cali and it is so overwhelming. a two story house was literally flooded to the 2nd level!!! i love the rain but not at the expense of others losing everything.

[Salacious Kitty]

We just had some big ass boomers rumble through here. That NEVER happens. 

[SMama]

39 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

We just had some big ass boomers rumble through here. That NEVER happens. 

I read that as bloomers and was confused for a few seconds. 😂

[skatelady]

45 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

We just had some big ass boomers rumble through here. That NEVER happens. 

I'm a boomer. I have a big ass. But it wasn't me! I try to step lightly!

[Absolom]

We're having some winter thunderstorms also.  It's very strange.  I've heard thunder a few times in the last hour.

[sagittarius sue]

4 hours ago, skatelady said:

I'm a boomer. I have a big ass. But it wasn't me! I try to step lightly!

As a fellow boomer I was thinking the same thing myself!  Even though it's been mentioned, I don't think we've had any thunder snow yet, and I'm disappointed.

[AstridM]

5 hours ago, Salacious Kitty said:

We just had some big ass boomers rumble through here. That NEVER happens. 

That is unusual! When I lived in the Bay Area I really missed thunderstorms.

[MrsKravitz]

@CalicoKitty I watched The Other One on hoopla. Have you watched both seasons/series? Something different, and I like watching Inspector Lewis’s boss be silly. 

[Scarlett45]

@lookeyloo, @Absolom, @Turquoise I wish I could say I was shocked at the insensitivity of human beings, but I am not. How dare anyone say such things to you in your grief. "I am sorry for your loss." is plenty, and if you know the person well and are actually willing to offer practical assistance (caregiving, errands, meal prep etc- do that) but if you cannot say something kind, keep your mouth shut and gossip in your own house. 

These days have been hectic, my sister is THIRTY FIVE years old today, yup 35, and with my Mom's illness and hospital stay, pulling off her birthday celebrations Sunday were a bit more hectic (I got no good photos, and I asked my Mom to take a photo but she looked at me like I had two heads), but I sent out her Amazon Wishlist and she got so many gifts! (she has had an amazon wishlist for years, but it was for my organization, I never thought to send it out to people, I guess because in my head she is so easy to buy for, and I didn't think people were interested). But I told her Sunday "we are going to celebrate your birthday this afternoon with Mommy", and I swear she understood me and just started giggling! Her weekend caregiver bought her a gift on Saturday (how generous) and M her weekday caregiver said she was going to save her gifts for today.  My friend (the one whose husband helped me with the tv on New Year's) found the Peter Pan and Bambi lithographs at Goodwill, what a treat! Those are NICE!!!

It has been our family traditions that the celebration of her bday marks the end of the holiday season, and the Christmas decorations came down. After she blew out her candle, she walked to the living room and unplugged all the Christmas lights and pointed, no she did not help, that was just a cue for me to do it. But yeah, I felt a difference with my Mom being down for the count, and having to take care of both of them. I understand that this is the natural order of things, but I do feel it. I accept it, but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel it.

My Mom is getting stronger, her personality is coming back and she is eating (she is making her OWN breakfast this morning)- I told her she has to get stronger as we have a busy spring! We have SOCIAL PLANS! (two trips and a college graduation!)

[lookeyloo]

52 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

@lookeyloo, @Absolom, @Turquoise I wish I could say I was shocked at the insensitivity of human beings, but I am not. How dare anyone say such things to you in your grief. "I am sorry for your loss." is plenty, and if you know the person well and are actually willing to offer practical assistance (caregiving, errands, meal prep etc- do that) but if you cannot say something kind, keep your mouth shut and gossip in your own house. 

These days have been hectic, my sister is THIRTY FIVE years old today, yup 35, and with my Mom's illness and hospital stay, pulling off her birthday celebrations Sunday were a bit more hectic (I got no good photos, and I asked my Mom to take a photo but she looked at me like I had two heads), but I sent out her Amazon Wishlist and she got so many gifts! (she has had an amazon wishlist for years, but it was for my organization, I never thought to send it out to people, I guess because in my head she is so easy to buy for, and I didn't think people were interested). But I told her Sunday "we are going to celebrate your birthday this afternoon with Mommy", and I swear she understood me and just started giggling! Her weekend caregiver bought her a gift on Saturday (how generous) and M her weekday caregiver said she was going to save her gifts for today.  My friend (the one whose husband helped me with the tv on New Year's) found the Peter Pan and Bambi lithographs at Goodwill, what a treat! Those are NICE!!!

It has been our family traditions that the celebration of her bday marks the end of the holiday season, and the Christmas decorations came down. After she blew out her candle, she walked to the living room and unplugged all the Christmas lights and pointed, no she did not help, that was just a cue for me to do it. But yeah, I felt a difference with my Mom being down for the count, and having to take care of both of them. I understand that this is the natural order of things, but I do feel it. I accept it, but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel it.

My Mom is getting stronger, her personality is coming back and she is eating (she is making her OWN breakfast this morning)- I told her she has to get stronger as we have a busy spring! We have SOCIAL PLANS! (two trips and a college graduation!)

Thank you @Scarlett45.  I'm glad your mom is getting better and that your sister will have "festivities".

Last night we went to a play at the Fox with Son in law and one of his neighbors.  I couldn't remember ever meeting this neighbor although Son in law said I did.  But, after the play we got back to our respective cars, and the neighbor said "It was nice meeting you too, and I wanted to tell you that your son was a very special person."  Which, to me was beautiful and heartfelt.  Of course he knew Sweet Son. So I wept on the way home.  

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, lookeyloo said:

Last night we went to a play at the Fox with Son in law and one of his neighbors.  I couldn't remember ever meeting this neighbor although Son in law said I did.  But, after the play we got back to our respective cars, and the neighbor said "It was nice meeting you too, and I wanted to tell you that your son was a very special person."  Which, to me was beautiful and heartfelt.  Of course he knew Sweet Son. So I wept on the way home.  

That was so kind. Your tears were tears of love. I hope it brings you comfort that your son touched so many.

As I was climbed on my step stool to scrub my mantle clean (to prepare for the new tv I am going to buy myself as soon as handle some other responsibilities), I found a 2018 Christmas card from my Godmother, Cosmo's old Mom. In the card she thanks me for my kindness and support all year, in 2018 she lost her last cat Patches. must've fallen behind the tv Xmas 2018 and I never noticed. Cosmo will have been with me two years next week, I went to pick him up January 19, 2021. Seeing her handwriting was like "woah". Grief is a bitch.

[CalicoKitty]

11 hours ago, MrsKravitz said:

@CalicoKitty I watched The Other One on hoopla. Have you watched both seasons/series? Something different, and I like watching Inspector Lewis’s boss be silly. 

I have watched both seasons, and I have read that there will be a 3rd one.  I love Inspector Lewis and Morse.  PBS has a program called "Mrs Wilson" that is a true story about a man with surprise multiple families.  I found it very interesting.

[BetyBee]

@lookeyloo- I'm so glad the kind neighbor made a point of telling you how much he liked your sweet son! Your story brought tears to my eyes too! What a lovely example of someone saying just the right thing!

@Scarlett45- your story about Godmother's card was so touching. Sometimes I think we see something or speak to someone at just the right time to touch our heart with a sweet memory of our dear loved one!

[SunnyBeBe]

Does anyone recall the Willis family thread?  I thought there was one, but I can’t locate it.  A story about them is on Inside Edition tonight.  I read they were to appear back in Dec. 2022, so…I’m not sure if it’s new or not.  

Edited January 12, 2023 by SunnyBeBe

[ginger90]

14 minutes ago, SunnyBeBe said:

Does anyone recall the Willis family thread?  I thought there was one, but I can’t locate it.  A story about them is on Inside Edition tonight.  I read they were to appear back in Dec. 2022, so…I’m not sure if it’s new or not.  

It’s under Other Candid Reality Shows, way down the list. 

[SMama]

SGirl returned to school Tuesday, and man, that first day after three weeks at home is just brutal. When she is on break, Girl loves to stay up late and wake up late. She is good at self regulating. On Saturday she went to bed at 9:00, her regular bedtime. She was well rested Tuesday but still had that I hate Mondays mood. Last weekend we gave her the option to go to Big Bear and play in the snow, Knott's, or Universal. She requested to cook as a family and watch movies in bed, and of course wear pajamas all day. I was a bit surprised because we had cooked a lot during the break, but it did not include SBaba. 

We made chicken with dumplings Saturday, and kabobs Sunday. We tried a new recipe on Saturday and the result was delicious, better than we had made before. SBaba and SGirl ate like they had not been fed in a month. There were no leftovers for freezing.

While in the kitchen we talked about SGirl's progression as my sous chef. Standing on a stool next to me at 16 months, me including her in measuring, prepping, stirring, mixing, etc. Then her gaining more independence and doing those tasks unassisted. SGirl remembers the many sets of red, plastic measuring cups we had (thank you Dollar Tree). I think at a point we had about ten sets for her. If we needed a cup of flour I would ask SGirl how many of the smaller cups made a cup. She really enjoyed picking two 1/2 cups. Then we moved on to more complicated concepts. When fractions were introduced in second grade SGirl plowed through the units.  Her teacher was surprised at how easy it came to her. Well, not really, we spent time "playing" while cooking. Girl practiced reading by telling me what I needed. It was also an opportunity to work on her Spanish. Looking back it's a miracle I managed to get food on the table because I sure dilly dallied a lot. 

SGirl is fifteen and that means three more years with her at home full time. We are grateful that as a teen she wants to be in the same room with us. She is beginning to think about her life at college more often. Her main worry is not being able to cook. We have made it clear that her freshman year (at the universities we have visited so far) she will have a meal plan and be in a dorm without a kitchen.  The little devil is scheming about sneaking an air fryer, mini waffle maker, mini toaster, and mini grill. She really cracks us up with her determination to find a way to cook. 

Sorry to ramble on but this past weekend was really special. We really didn't expect our daughter to go on a trip down memory lane. SGirl is obviously thinking about her future. We are pleased that college is a when and not an if. We somehow managed not to turn her into a serial killer and that is quite a task when it comes to us.  Funny thing is I never thought I could be a SAHM. I loved my job, and the more complicated a case the more I enjoyed it. We returned home from China on July 21, 2008. The plan was for me to stay home for 6 months, then SBaba was going to take six months off. We felt that after one year of bonding SBaby would transition into day care. By October it was obvious that while she came to us physically intact, emotionally she was shattered into a million pieces. It would have been irresponsible, down right cruel not to make sure that she learned to trust, to feel loved. It was difficult and not everything was rainbows and puppies. We had some serious dark times when whatever happened before we met would haunt our daughter and we had no clue what demon she was fighting. There are vestiges here and there of those difficult times. But we never thought we would be where we are now in terms of progress. We hit the lottery when SBaby was assigned to us. She arrived just in time to save me. I am certain I would not be here today had she not come home when she did. I am a bit scared about what's next for me. Actually, I'm scared out of my mind. Maybe that is why I'm posting. First time to give serious thought as to what's next.

SBaba wants me to go back to school and take all the classes that sounded interesting but were not part of my majors. Under water basket weaving? Raising a child with attachment and abandonment issues with zero background information is beyond challenging. Yet I feel like I have nothing to offer in terms of returning to work. I'm at an age when people start thinking what they will do after retirement. As my baby girl looks forward to the future Ii find myself at a loss. Sorry for this sappy post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Love2dance]

What amazing parents you must be, @SMamaand SBaba, for a teen to choose a “stay at home and cook weekend” over Knotts Berry Farm, Universal or Big Bear! Wow, I’m so impressed and happy for you. I hope SGirl will love college.

 

Edited January 13, 2023 by Love2dance

[SMama]

31 minutes ago, Love2dance said:

What amazing parents you must be, @SMamaand SBaba, for a teen to choose a “stay at home and cook weekend” over Knotts Berry Farm, Universal or Big Bear! Wow, I’m so impressed and happy for you. I hope SGirl will love college.

 

To be honest we are average on our best day. We try and sometimes get it right. We have also had some spectacular failures. But our bottom line has always been to do our best to meet SGirl’s needs. After all the kid is going to choose the assisted living facility where we will spend our last days. 😝

The cooking? Like I said, SGirl was by my side from day one. Just like Mami had me by her side as soon as I was able to walk. We are lucky she associates cooking with positive experiences. It could have as easily blown up on my face and SGirl could have vowed to only eat frozen meals and junk food for the rest of her life. We lucked out and we are grateful. 

 

[Love2dance]

It seems like you are the very definition of the sandwich generation, @Scarlett45, except you are between your parent and a special needs sibling. You are doing a great job!  I’m so glad your sister had a good birthday and your mom is doing better.

[Scarlett45]

6 hours ago, Love2dance said:

It seems like you are the very definition of the sandwich generation, @Scarlett45, except you are between your parent and a special needs sibling. You are doing a great job!  I’m so glad your sister had a good birthday and your mom is doing better.

In the disability world we call ourselves “Generation club sandwich” because most people have kids too! (My only kids have fur) You’re so sweet thank you. I remember when my grandfather was alive, how difficult it was for my Mom, my grandfather was blind (glaucoma) and ill for many years, but his dementia began as my sister was going through puberty. I have to say THAT was the hardest time of MY life, I’m sure it was for my Mom too- it could be worse!

 

Edited to add- I know how lucky I am to still have my mother. So many of my peers don’t, and given how old my parents were when they had me I’m lucky. Even when she works my last nerve she’s still my favorite human, and I know I’m her favorite human (I’m her favorite but my sister is her BABY)- gotta treasure love while you have it. Feels so much more real these days. 

[Scarlett45]

@SMama- it’s hard when baby chicks leave the nest, especially given the circumstances you became SGirl’s parent. But of course you have things to offer- you are AMAZING. Do you have a heart for assisting other families going through the adoption process or advocating for babies/kids in a similar situation to Sgirl? I understand if you don’t, people are often surprised I don’t work in the disability space- ummm I don’t want my professional life and home life to be identical, I have other interests!

Is there anything you wanted to learn more about but just didn’t have a chance? If you have the time and interest- GO FOR IT. I have to say, I am jealous that my Mom has loved her job so much, I like my job, but I couldn’t see my Mom loving anything (besides her kids) as much as she loved being an Ob/Gyn and now doing her mentorship program “I have to get better to go talk to the residents.” (No lie) That type of joy in one’s profession is rare. 

[SMama]

2 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

@SMama- it’s hard when baby chicks leave the nest, especially given the circumstances you became SGirl’s parent. But of course you have things to offer- you are AMAZING. Do you have a heart for assisting other families going through the adoption process or advocating for babies/kids in a similar situation to Sgirl? I understand if you don’t, people are often surprised I don’t work in the disability space- ummm I don’t want my professional life and home life to be identical, I have other interests!

Is there anything you wanted to learn more about but just didn’t have a chance? If you have the time and interest- GO FOR IT. I have to say, I am jealous that my Mom has loved her job so much, I like my job, but I couldn’t see my Mom loving anything (besides her kids) as much as she loved being an Ob/Gyn and now doing her mentorship program “I have to get better to go talk to the residents.” (No lie) That type of joy in one’s profession is rare. 

Thank you for your kind words. I was very active on the parents waiting for and post adoption from China online groups. One thing that blew me away was how unprepared highly skilled professionals were for adoption. I remember one mom who was upper echelon on a Fortune 100 company freaking out because she was two weeks away from traveling to meet her daughter and had not told her employer about the adoption.
 

There were many parents gobsmacked by perfectly normal behavior. A big pitfall in adoption is romanticizing the process, then reality doesn’t measure up.

 I reached out to parents who were struggling and to this day not only do I keep in touch with those parents, those parents have connected other struggling adoptive parents with me. For the record, we have, do at times, and will struggle as well. Thankfully my years as a SW have helped us cope. 

While I loved my job once SGirl’s trauma was obvious there’s no way I could return to take care of someone else’s kids and ignore mine. I don’t think I have it in me to return to CPS now. But I do continue to volunteer to those who reach out. I would not rule out volunteer work in real life as well. The thing is how do I go about it. 

There are so many things I’d love to learn. My grandparents instilled a love for learning in me, best gift only second to their unconditional love. Left to my own devices I could become Diane from Cheers (or Derick Dillard), an eternal student.  

 

[Mindthinkr]

I am questioning myself and hope that y’all can tell me the truth. My daughter hurt her knee roller skating Thursday and thinks she damaged her ACL. So yesterday my granddaughter came home from staying at her other Grandmother’s house with a 103 fever. Daughter took her to Urgent Care where she tested positive for both Covid and the flu. Obviously I told her that I’d be happy to shop and drop off food or meals (she lives over a hour away). My friend came over to get her mail (she has got a new place in January, but only now did a change of address). She admonished me for not offering to go pick my granddaughter up, bring her to my house and take care of her until she is well again. 
   The reason I didn’t offer is that I have had 4 surgeries since September and have been on antibiotics a lot. I was advised against getting the booster for Covid until I healed (their rationale was that I needed my immunity system to get me healed and healthy again). I’m just now starting to feel well, but still losing weight. I ate 4 meals yesterday and weighed in at 79 lbs today. I’m scared that the flu could kill me. Same for Covid as I have lung issues as well. Am I being selfish not going up and bringing her down here to take care of? 

[Absolom]

No.  Grandmothers who are not the primary caregiver already have no business being around someone with either COVID or flu much less both.  Do you want that child to have the guilt of killing grandma should the worst happen?  I wouldn't do it and my kids would yell at me to stay home by myself should I remotely hint at such a thing as knowingly exposing myself to either virus.  

With someone an hour away it's gracious to offer to take food.  

[lookeyloo]

9 minutes ago, Absolom said:

No.  Grandmothers who are not the primary caregiver already have no business being around someone with either COVID or flu much less both.  Do you want that child to have the guilt of killing grandma should the worst happen?  I wouldn't do it and my kids would yell at me to stay home by myself should I remotely hint at such a thing as knowingly exposing myself to either virus.  

With someone an hour away it's gracious to offer to take food.  

totally agree with this!!  

[wilsie]

1 hour ago, Absolom said:

No.  Grandmothers who are not the primary caregiver already have no business being around someone with either COVID or flu much less both.  Do you want that child to have the guilt of killing grandma should the worst happen?  I wouldn't do it and my kids would yell at me to stay home by myself should I remotely hint at such a thing as knowingly exposing myself to either virus.  

With someone an hour away it's gracious to offer to take food.  

So much truth here! No one who loves you wants to take a chance on losing you.  You are being a great help with shopping and meals.

[Salacious Kitty]

Why can't she get groceries delivered? 

[Notabug]

On 1/11/2023 at 11:40 AM, lookeyloo said:

Thank you @Scarlett45.  I'm glad your mom is getting better and that your sister will have "festivities".

Last night we went to a play at the Fox with Son in law and one of his neighbors.  I couldn't remember ever meeting this neighbor although Son in law said I did.  But, after the play we got back to our respective cars, and the neighbor said "It was nice meeting you too, and I wanted to tell you that your son was a very special person."  Which, to me was beautiful and heartfelt.  Of course he knew Sweet Son. So I wept on the way home.  

I think those are the kinds of things that are always appreciated.  If you knew the person who died and have something nice to say, a nice memory to share, do that.  Telling someone that their sister's beautiful smile lit up a room, that their father changed a flat tire for them, that their mother was always first to volunteer for the church bake sale; are always appreciated and remind the grieving person that they are not alone in their grief.  Or a funny memory, 'I remember that ridiculous costume your brother wore that Halloween' or 'I have to laugh when I think of that time we...".

Part of grief is the thought that no one will remember our loved one or that their specialness was not appreciated by others.  I know I have found comfort in hearing about how my loved ones were loved by others and even found out a few things I didn't know.

When my 5 year old nephew died, his pre-school teacher took a piece of paper and wrote down about half a dozen things my nephew said or did at pre-school, just little things, stuff kids do.  My sister cherished that letter and revered that teacher for the rest of her life.

[Mindthinkr]

36 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

Why can't she get groceries delivered? 

She lives in a farming area and it’s not available. My grandson is 18, drives and can pick up anything needed. I offered so she’d understand that I was willing to help, but not in a way that could potentially make me sick. Also what’s better than Mom’s homemade chicken soup when everything else is going wrong? 

[BetyBee]

@Mindthinkr- I think you did just the right thing in offering to help in a way that doesn't get you sick. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself!

@Notabug- I love your story about your nephew's thoughtful teacher's actions. It does help to hear how much others cared about a loved one who has passed, to know that they're not forgotten. 

When my youngest was in pre-school. I'd chat every day with all the Moms as we waited to pick up our kids. They all knew that I was anxiously awaiting the birth of my sister's first child. They grieved with me when I sadly shared that she had had a full-term stillbirth. The one person who never said a word of condolence was the pre-school teacher. I thought it was a bit odd, but she was so great in every way that I let it go. A couple of months later, she & I drove together on a field trip. She shared with me that her first child had been born with a heart defect and passed away a few days after birth. She said that she couldn't bear to talk about my sister's situation as her own tragedy came back to her and she just couldn't find the words. Sometimes people can't do the expected thing because of their own pain. I so appreciated when she shared her story with me. 

[Minivanessa]

20 hours ago, BetyBee said:

@Mindthinkr- I think you did just the right thing in offering to help in a way that doesn't get you sick. I'm glad you are taking care of yourself!

@Notabug- I love your story about your nephew's thoughtful teacher's actions. It does help to hear how much others cared about a loved one who has passed, to know that they're not forgotten. 

^^Me too on both those subjects. Well said.

I'm catching up here after a few days away. I got a bonus round of COVID - the infamous Paxlovid rebound episode. I've been fever free for four days, but this is the first day I'm feeling anything like normal and energetic enough to get out and about. For once I'm not feeling slightly dizzy/off-kilter from sinus congestion. Thank goodness!

All told it's been a no-fun 17 day saga, with a few days between the first and second rounds where I was feeling okay. So it's not like I was dreadfully ill for all that time. And I was never so ill that I got scared that I might need to go to the hospital, or had trouble breathing, or anything. Still, fever, aches, and congestion, when they go on for day after day, are not good. I began to feel like I was in a hellish Groundhog Day thing. Was just so happy when I made 24 hours with no fever, it was kind of pathetic.

So, hi again to everyone. I'm gonna totter out of the house (masked up, I ran all this through the CDC's online calculator tool and I'm okay to go out in public, masking recommended) to Costco and the grocery store. No doubt blinded by the sunshine but I'll wear my sunglasses.

Over in the Sweet Fellowship topic, I saw a reference to the Yeggy "girls" who will appear at JillR's ladies' retreat. I wondered if they sing, and then my sick little brain went to this blast from the fashions of the past, showing a level of hairspray use probably not matched until JB Duggar hit adulthood:

You're welcome. Heh.

[BetyBee]

@Jeeves - I wish we could pick two reactions. In addition to a hug, I'd have also given you a laugh. That pic and your comment on it were so funny!

[sagittarius sue]

4 hours ago, Jeeves said:

^^Me too on both those subjects. Well said.

I'm catching up here after a few days away. I got a bonus round of COVID - the infamous Paxlovid rebound episode. I've been fever free for four days, but this is the first day I'm feeling anything like normal and energetic enough to get out and about. For once I'm not feeling slightly dizzy/off-kilter from sinus congestion. Thank goodness!

All told it's been a no-fun 17 day saga, with a few days between the first and second rounds where I was feeling okay. So it's not like I was dreadfully ill for all that time. And I was never so ill that I got scared that I might need to go to the hospital, or had trouble breathing, or anything. Still, fever, aches, and congestion, when they go on for day after day, are not good. I began to feel like I was in a hellish Groundhog Day thing. Was just so happy when I made 24 hours with no fever, it was kind of pathetic.

So, hi again to everyone. I'm gonna totter out of the house (masked up, I ran all this through the CDC's online calculator tool and I'm okay to go out in public, masking recommended) to Costco and the grocery store. No doubt blinded by the sunshine but I'll wear my sunglasses.

Over in the Sweet Fellowship topic, I saw a reference to the Yeggy "girls" who will appear at JillR's ladies' retreat. I wondered if they sing, and then my sick little brain went to this blast from the fashions of the past, showing a level of hairspray use probably not matched until JB Duggar hit adulthood:

You're welcome. Heh.

Argh, the hairstyles of the 60s!  Back then I resembled the style and glasses of the girl on the right, with no teasing, but my face more like the one in the middle.  That poor girl on the left has way too much hair for such a small face.

[Salacious Kitty]

I am grateful that the beehive has never made a comeback. Also grateful that I missed the first go-round. 😀

[oliviabenson]

The hair looks like it’s painted on! 

[oliviabenson]

On 1/16/2023 at 11:15 AM, Jeeves said:

^^Me too on both those subjects. Well said.

I'm catching up here after a few days away. I got a bonus round of COVID - the infamous Paxlovid rebound episode. I've been fever free for four days, but this is the first day I'm feeling anything like normal and energetic enough to get out and about. For once I'm not feeling slightly dizzy/off-kilter from sinus congestion. Thank goodness!

All told it's been a no-fun 17 day saga, with a few days between the first and second rounds where I was feeling okay. So it's not like I was dreadfully ill for all that time. And I was never so ill that I got scared that I might need to go to the hospital, or had trouble breathing, or anything. Still, fever, aches, and congestion, when they go on for day after day, are not good. I began to feel like I was in a hellish Groundhog Day thing. Was just so happy when I made 24 hours with no fever, it was kind of pathetic.

So, hi again to everyone. I'm gonna totter out of the house (masked up, I ran all this through the CDC's online calculator tool and I'm okay to go out in public, masking recommended) to Costco and the grocery store. No doubt blinded by the sunshine but I'll wear my sunglasses.

Over in the Sweet Fellowship topic, I saw a reference to the Yeggy "girls" who will appear at JillR's ladies' retreat. I wondered if they sing, and then my sick little brain went to this blast from the fashions of the past, showing a level of hairspray use probably not matched until JB Duggar hit adulthood:

You're welcome. Heh.

Get well soon!

[Minivanessa]

1 hour ago, ginger90 said:

Wish I knew how to post a shorter link! 🤦‍♀️

Jinger Duggar Vuolo on Growing Up Under 'Cult-Like' Religious Beliefs: 'I Was Terrified of the Outside World'

https://people.com/tv/jinger-duggar-vuolo-on-growing-up-following-cult-like-religious-beliefs/?utm_campaign=peoplemagazine&utm_content=manual&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_term=63c7fbd10604430001ebb422&fbclid=IwAR3WQntdYTMK1uoZIAM1H-7Uoq0BappRYf9osDzLzuQTmg3g1DR65yHhr1k&mibextid=Zxz2cZ

You can do it for free at bitly.com.  I've had a free account there for years and love it. I hadn't visited lately until just now. The site looks updated and now you can also create QR codes.

I pasted in that long link, and got this shortened one that should work: http://bit.ly/3iNgNJ3

[Salacious Kitty]

1 hour ago, Jeeves said:

You can do it for free at bitly.com.  I've had a free account there for years and love it. I hadn't visited lately until just now. The site looks updated and now you can also create QR codes.

I pasted in that long link, and got this shortened one that should work: http://bit.ly/3iNgNJ3

You can also use the paperclip icon in the posting box. You copy the link and post it in the URL box. In the second box, type some text like "People article," or whatever you want. I use this all the time.

Edited January 18, 2023 by Salacious Kitty

[Minivanessa]

12 minutes ago, Salacious Kitty said:

You can also use the paperclip icon in the posting box. You copy the link and post it in the URL box. In the second box, type some text like "People article," or whatever you want. I use this all the time.

I do too. Unless I'm posting from my phone or otherwise feeling lazy. 🤣

Edited January 18, 2023 by Jeeves