Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[zoomama]

hello friends, i spent last week enjoying thanksgiving and birthday time (theirs) with my grandkids and their parents in texas. it was a nice visit, very low key. rainy weather kept us inside for most of the time. i was thrilled to be able to spend more time with my son as he had taken a few days off work. got home and was exhausted so slept part of sunday afternoon, and early to bed that night. 

woke up to find out we had a family death overnight (on husbands side) so we had a long drive/late night  yesterday. today was spent at church sewing clothes for an orphanage and finally napping briefly. i am thinking its gonna be an early night again around here. 

[CalicoKitty]

My tree this year.  I always put cat-proof ornaments on the lower 1/4 of the tree, and the top 3/4 is all vintage and antique ornaments.  I have a lot of family ornaments that are over 100 years old.  So far, my cats have paid no attention to the tree.  A quick sniff when I first put the bare tree up, and then no interest at all.  I have found that leaving the tree bare for a day satisfies their curiosity.  This is a new tree this year, and it can be controlled by voice through Alexa.  It is very convenient to be able tell it to turn off or on.  It will change colors and light pattens by voice, too.

[BetyBee]

I'm impressed by all of your pretty trees. We usually put ours up on the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I threw my back out on Friday and it's still killing me. I didn't go put the guest rooms back to normal until yesterday and it made my improving back flare up again. I'm so frustrated by the pain. It hurts to get in and out of chairs, but walking is ok. Speaking of cats, mine puked near his bowl last night (apparently) and I slipped on it first thing  this morning. I really can't wait to feel better! Thank goodness for my sleep number bed. I can get comfy there, so I sleep ok. 

I just found out one of my cousins is on a ventilator. He and his medically fragile wife have had a bad bout of Covid. Yet she's being discharged and he's still on the vent. 😔 I sure hope he recovers. 

[CalicoKitty]

@BetyBee, I hope you are feeling better soon.  Back pain is terrible.  Thumbs up for the Sleep Number bed.  I absolutely love mine (and so do my cats!). It is so nice go be able to adjust how hard or soft it is.  And they last so long.  I replaced my 20-year-old Sleep Number mattress a couple of years ago, but only because some part was lost in my move.

Wishing a good recovery for your cousin.

[SunnyBeBe]

13 hours ago, BetyBee said:

I'm impressed by all of your pretty trees. We usually put ours up on the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I threw my back out on Friday and it's still killing me. I didn't go put the guest rooms back to normal until yesterday and it made my improving back flare up again. I'm so frustrated by the pain. It hurts to get in and out of chairs, but walking is ok. Speaking of cats, mine puked near his bowl last night (apparently) and I slipped on it first thing  this morning. I really can't wait to feel better! Thank goodness for my sleep number bed. I can get comfy there, so I sleep ok. 

I just found out one of my cousins is on a ventilator. He and his medically fragile wife have had a bad bout of Covid. Yet she's being discharged and he's still on the vent. 😔 I sure hope he recovers. 

Hope your back pain improves.  I’ve only had it a couple of times.  It affects everything.  Well wishes to your cousin too. Hopefully, they’ll both improve.  

[BetyBee]

Thank you, @CalicoKitty & @SunnyBeBe & to all the Small Talkers for the hugs!  My back is doing much better tonight. No word today on my cousin.

Edited December 1, 2022 by BetyBee

[oliviabenson]

https://www.instagram.com/reel/ClkT_d0OH65/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
 

if you need a laugh watch that . Basically that’s the poor Rod kids but for Rod it’s their real life 

[SunnyBeBe]

I know there are a lot of Dolly Parton fans around here.  Her special is on tonight at 8 on NBC, in case you’re interested.  

[Scarlett45]

I know the holiday season is upon us, and for those that have little ones in your life who celebrate Christmas, I wanted to share the NORAD Santa Tracker- the team at NORAD plots Santa’s route in real time. It’s free to watch and a great way to start teaching the little ones about geography, time zones etc.

I fully admit as a grown ass woman I pop in on Xmas Eve and see where Santa is, GPS for Santa! I’ve found there’s no need to believe in the myth of Santa to think this is cool, kids that know Santa is a fictional creation still get a kick of of the fact that it’s different times in other parts of the globe and the graphics are nice. 

[GeeGolly]

4 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I know the holiday season is upon us, and for those that have little ones in your life who celebrate Christmas, I wanted to share the NORAD Santa Tracker- the team at NORAD plots Santa’s route in real time. It’s free to watch and a great way to start teaching the little ones about geography, time zones etc.

I fully admit as a grown ass woman I pop in on Xmas Eve and see where Santa is, GPS for Santa! I’ve found there’s no need to believe in the myth of Santa to think this is cool, kids that know Santa is a fictional creation still get a kick of of the fact that it’s different times in other parts of the globe and the graphics are nice. 

Santa isn't real? 😲🎅🏽

[crazy8s]

2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Santa isn't real? 😲🎅🏽

Santa is always real for those who truly believe...🎅

Other holiday things to ponder. Yesterday my mom brought up the whole "cancelling christmas" nonsense, use of Xmas, etc. I asked her how is it that Christians, who view advent as a sacred time of waiting, are ok with the shilling and buying of advent calendars with 24 for days of little doors with everything from candy and toys, to bourbon, to cat food. like is it ok because they are still called Advent Calendars?? She had no answer....

Edited December 2, 2022 by crazy8s

[sagittarius sue]

4 hours ago, crazy8s said:

Santa is always real for those who truly believe...🎅

Other holiday things to ponder. Yesterday my mom brought up the whole "cancelling christmas" nonsense, use of Xmas, etc. I asked her how is it that Christians, who view advent as a sacred time of waiting, are ok with the shilling and buying of advent calendars with 24 for days of little doors with everything from candy and toys, to bourbon, to cat food. like is it ok because they are still called Advent Calendars?? She had no answer....

Yes, in olden times Advent was a period of fasting so that when Christmas came, it was time to party hardy.  I do like my Advent calendar with German chocolates and truffles, which I prefer over one with spirits.

[SunnyBeBe]

I have plenty of Christmas trees, decor and decorations, but STILL have purchased 3 Christmas trees so far!  😆 (One for myself and two for my mom.) I knew I would do it.  I saw this slim, white, six foot tree and had the perfect spot for it before Thanksgiving.  Last weekend, I went back and got it.  My mom loved it and wanted two of them!  I got her one, but they only had one left, so, I got her a shorter one as well.  It’s all coming together.  Love, love my Christmas lights, colors and Nativity.  

[jcbrown]

12 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I know the holiday season is upon us, and for those that have little ones in your life who celebrate Christmas, I wanted to share the NORAD Santa Tracker- the team at NORAD plots Santa’s route in real time. It’s free to watch and a great way to start teaching the little ones about geography, time zones etc.

I fully admit as a grown ass woman I pop in on Xmas Eve and see where Santa is, GPS for Santa! I’ve found there’s no need to believe in the myth of Santa to think this is cool, kids that know Santa is a fictional creation still get a kick of of the fact that it’s different times in other parts of the globe and the graphics are nice. 

I usually have the NORAD Santa tracker open in one browser tab and the Google Santa tracker open in another one, so I can compare. I don't ever remember believing in Santa--my mom was a pragmatist who loved to read so I think we were taught that it was a beloved story to enjoy.

3 hours ago, sagittarius sue said:

Yes, in olden times Advent was a period of fasting so that when Christmas came, it was time to party hardy.  I do like my Advent calendar with German chocolates and truffles, which I prefer over one with spirits.

I have a See's chocolates advent calendar (and sent one to my sister); my sister sent me a jigsaw puzzle one that has twelve 80-piece puzzles; and I bought spirits ones for us, my sister, and our other friend who is coming for Christmas. And I'm an atheist! (But still part Christmas elf...)

[CalicoKitty]

My brother and his new Whippet puppy.  Her name is Scarlet, and she has much a lighter coat than I thought from previous pictures.  I thought she would be black with some gray pattern.    I love her big black nose.  They will have a 7 hour drive home tomorrow, which should be fun.  She is a lucky dog.  She will get so much love and attention in her new family.

[Lisa418722]

17 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

My brother and his new Whippet puppy.  Her name is Scarlet, and she has much a lighter coat than I thought from previous pictures.  I thought she would be black with some gray pattern.    I love her big black nose.  They will have a 7 hour drive home tomorrow, which should be fun.  She is a lucky dog.  She will get so much love and attention in her new family.

  I think Scarlet is a beautiful puppy (looks like she's posing) and your brother looks so happy with her.  

[Suzn]

58 minutes ago, CalicoKitty said:

My brother and his new Whippet puppy.  Her name is Scarlet, and she has much a lighter coat than I thought from previous pictures.  I thought she would be black with some gray pattern.    I love her big black nose.  They will have a 7 hour drive home tomorrow, which should be fun.  She is a lucky dog.  She will get so much love and attention in her new family.

She's a beautiful girl and lucky to get a loving home.  

[lookeyloo]

Here is our grand dog.  He is just the nicest fellow.  He loves everyone, isn't destructive, rarely asks to go out but never has accidents, and just generally a lot of fun to be around.

[SunnyBeBe]

Omg, love those dogs. Gorgeous!  

[BetyBee]

I have tried to put down in words what has been bugging me about my sister-in-law of 45 years. It always turns into tl;dr, so I'll sum up what I'm feeling. I'm mad at me for encouraging Mr. BetyBee to spend time with his sister when he doesn't enjoy spending time with her. She's an egotiscal know it all and I'd rather spend time with friends than with this relative! She went too far recently and when we declined to do as she wished us to do, she got mad and insisted she never asked that of us. I have the texts to prove it!

I prefer to spend time with people who are kind and caring towards me. To that end, I'm local Christmas shopping with my oldest daughter today and attending a friendsgiving with actual friends tomorrow. I won't let sil turn me into a bah! humbug! person!

ETA: @lookeyloo - what a beautiful granddog!

Edited December 3, 2022 by BetyBee

[Suzn]

3 hours ago, lookeyloo said:

Here is our grand dog.  He is just the nicest fellow.  He loves everyone, isn't destructive, rarely asks to go out but never has accidents, and just generally a lot of fun to be around.

What a beautiful sweet dog!

I love it when people share pictures of their cats and dogs.

[jcbrown]

tl;dr

I had to break up with a good friend recently and that has been a lot. The short version is she turned out to be someone who is very manipulative and not emotionally honest. She told me she owed me a "massive apology" recently and then decided to Zoom-bomb a friend gathering and act like nothing was wrong rather than giving the apology that she absolutely did owe me. She has been going through a lot of shit and I have been very supportive of her and she takes takes takes. I sent her an email telling her (nicely) I was surprised that she showed up in our Zoom without apologizing first, when she was the one who brought up the fact that she knew she should, and that I was hurt and it made me feel like she was discounting my feelings. We had a couple of back and forths, then she tried to get me to talk shit about another friend and I declined and then she lashed out at me. This is not the first time this pattern has happened. I am done. I have never deliberately cut someone off like this and it feels weird but I absolutely think it was the right thing, particularly as she sent some nastiness by email since, as well. Understanding where her behaviour is coming from and seeing that she is in pain does not excuse it.

It's just hard. I am a very caring person but a huge introvert. When I let people in I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt, perhaps for too long in this case. I feel more at peace without her drama but it's still sad.

Anyway, thanks for reading if you stuck with me this long.

[BetyBee]

Hugs, @jcbrown! Ending a friendship is so hard. You probably won't get closure from her, but I'm glad you're finding peace with the situation on your own. 

[sixlets]

There needs to be a class on how to make friends and how to end friendships as adults.  As a kid, it's easy.  Your parents can handle it for you, and that's that.  It's even harder when the relationship is with a family member.  Chances on, you're going to be seeing said family members at certain points, and making a scene is not an option when grandma passes away.  I went through a few issues with my mom and Mr. Six at Thanksgiving.  He doesn't understand why I don't want to go back to our hometown, and I don't expect him to.  After I lost my dad, something changed in me, and being there is just a slap in the face.  My in-laws are both still living, so he hasn't dealt with that type of death/loss yet.  My mom, in turn, tried to make the TG holiday hers.  We opted to just stay one night, instead of the two we used to, and we chose to stay in a hotel.  You would have thought I bought her an animal and then ran it over.  My health is not the best, and I need to be around my hubby the most since he knows what's going on .without me saying a word.  We spent the actual holiday with his side of the family, who I love to pieces.  But, I know I was not myself, and I can only hope I hid it well enough.  

For fuck's sake, this post was not supposed to be my emotional baggage dump.  Right now, only 6 people know about what's really going on and my full diagnosis.  But, I keep most of it to myself.  I just can't bring myself to open up, even though I know I will have amazing support from friends and family.  Adulting is just hard some times...

@lookeyloo-your grand dog is adorable!  Thanks for sharing his picture!

[GeeGolly]

I have done many groups on boundaries. I find the easiest way to look at is as a bull's eye. Center circle, you and only you. Next circle a half dozen or less of trusted, loving family and friends. Next circle is family and friends you like and/or love, but they don't know all your secrets. Next circle depending on your age might include clergy, teachers, mentors, coaches, some co-workers/friends and some family. The last circle is acquaintances; anyone from a regular mail person, maybe a boss, folks you only see at weddings and funerals, etc.

The trick is to figure out what to share with whom, knowing when to keep a boundary fluid, meaning some friends/family might move farther out for a bit, but then come back closer, and when to firm up a boundary.

One of the hardest things to do is knowing how to move someone out. Obviously honest communication is best, but many find continually being busy/unavailable works well too.

None of it is easy, buts its helpful to get a clear picture of your personal bull's eye to see where you're at. Maybe you have too many in your inner circle, maybe you sharing things with folks in an outer circle, that on second thought isn't the best idea. Maybe your circles are too fluid, or too firm.

Sometimes when it becomes less abstract it becomes easier to manage.

[BetyBee]

That is wise advice, @GeeGolly! My takeaway is that if you clearly see where the person who is bothering you really fits in on your bull's eye concentric, then it becomes easier to "let it go" when someone not in your inner circle does something to bug you. Like I could look at my sil's behavior and think, "Oh well. We aren't all that close, so it's understandable that we aren't on the same wavelength on this issue. Then I can shrug it off and focus on myself and my inner circle peeps!

[Porkchop]

Suki and me! She is my daughter's dog, but she loves a lap and often finds mine! My daughter has a cat too, but Miskit is not interested in me at all.

Edited December 4, 2022 by Porkchop

[Scarlett45]

@jcbrown- friend breakups are always hard, even if you know it’s for the best. It sucks, but you have a right to put your own well-being first and set boundaries. @GeeGolly gave you excellent advice up thread and I won’t repeat it, because it was so eloquent. 
 

Sorry your Thanksgiving was hard @sixlets, you have every right to have a peaceful holiday with individuals you enjoy that won’t make a difficult situation with your health harder. (((Hugs)))

[SunnyBeBe]

8 hours ago, Porkchop said:

Suki and me! She is my daughter's dog, but she loves a lap and often finds mine! My daughter has a cat too, but Miskit is not interested in me at all.

So cute!   I went to visit my niece’s dog today!  I helped care for him over most of this year and got so attached.  He was so excited and so was I.  I forgot to take a photo.  Maybe next time with our Christmas sweaters on,  

JCBrown, I know what you mean about feeling odd over the ending of the friendship. I’ve had to do it before. Once, it was a clique of ladies that were very tight.  We had some great times, but through a series of events and circumstances….I had to walk away.  I was always taught to listen to that little voice in your head that tells you what’s right.  I can’t go wrong if I listen.  So, I knew I did the right thing.  Still, it was awkward and sad.  I hope you’re feeling better about it before long.  Time does help though.  
 

[Scarlett45]

I’m trying to get pet photos for my holiday card, and I wanted to share my not great progress. 

[jcbrown]

On 12/6/2022 at 5:54 PM, Scarlett45 said:

I’m trying to get pet photos for my holiday card, and I wanted to share my not great progress. 

Pixie posed with her catnip candy cane just last night.

[Jynnan tonnix]

I'll jump in here as well with recent photos of Emrys. Don't know whether anyone remembers the photo of the fluffy little kitten I posted around June or July. He's about eight months old now, and getting enormous! Obviously a lot of Russian Blue in him, but I think also some Maine Coon you can see in his face and ears.

[Suzn]

14 hours ago, jcbrown said:

Pixie posed with her catnip candy cane just last night.

I have a brown tabby, too.  It looks like Pixie has what I consider as brown tabby attitude.😄

2 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I'll jump in here as well with recent photos of Emrys. Don't know whether anyone remembers the photo of the fluffy little kitten I posted around June or July. He's about eight months old now, and getting enormous! Obviously a lot of Russian Blue in him, but I think also some Maine Coon you can see in his face and ears.

He is so gorgeous!

[SunnyBeBe]

Omg!  He looks so much like my Russian Blue, Levi.  Great memories from the 90’s.  😍

[Scarlett45]

17 hours ago, jcbrown said:

Pixie posed with her catnip candy cane just last night.

I need your skills!

5 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

I'll jump in here as well with recent photos of Emrys. Don't know whether anyone remembers the photo of the fluffy little kitten I posted around June or July. He's about eight months old now, and getting enormous! Obviously a lot of Russian Blue in him, but I think also some Maine Coon you can see in his face and ears.

So majestic!!!!

[jcbrown]

7 hours ago, Suzn said:

I have a brown tabby, too.  It looks like Pixie has what I consider as brown tabby attitude.😄

Pixie is mostly attitude and will. She is a total sweetie who likes to snuggle... when it's her idea. When we took our girls to the vet recently, the techs brought Lucy back out to the parking lot (they don't let humans in with their animals since COVID) and just raved about what a great cat she was. Pixie, they brought out in her carrier essentially at arm's length like she was a bomb or something and said they would have to give us a sedative dose for her next time. Without us in the room, she simply refused to let them do what they needed to do. Pixe does not appreciate things that are Not Pixie's Idea.

[andromeda331]

Pixie and Emerys are so adorable!

[BetyBee]

I woke up to a beautiful snowfall. It's still coming down. I'd take a pic, but then I'd have to disturb my cat and put down my coffee and go outside in my pajamas! Trust me, it's beautiful!

[Scarlett45]

2 hours ago, BetyBee said:

I woke up to a beautiful snowfall. It's still coming down. I'd take a pic, but then I'd have to disturb my cat and put down my coffee and go outside in my pajamas! Trust me, it's beautiful!

This morning on our walk Cosmo and I watched the rain turn to snow, it looked pretty but it wasn't sticking. Youre in Chicagoland too right BetyBee? (I know @ChiCricket is my neighbor)

[Mindthinkr]

I’m so happy! I haven’t had a holiday where I’ve been able to see my whole family in over decade. My brother and his wife are coming for Christmas Eve dinner and my daughter (with grandkids) are coming Christmas Day. They don’t get along so I can’t just do one big party, but I’m excited to be able to see everyone. 

[BetyBee]

3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

This morning on our walk Cosmo and I watched the rain turn to snow, it looked pretty but it wasn't sticking. Youre in Chicagoland too right BetyBee? (I know @ChiCricket is my neighbor)

Yes! We're in the NW suburbs. It's sticking here. It is mushy though. I hope we get plowed before it freezes!

[Turquoise]

19 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

Yes! We're in the NW suburbs. It's sticking here. It is mushy though. I hope we get plowed before it freezes!

Meanwhile in the southern part of the state it is 63 and sunny after two rainy, gloomy days. But since I am in Illinois, I must be near Chicago, right*?? 🤣 
(*The attitude of anyone not actually from Illinois)

[Suzn]

19 hours ago, jcbrown said:

Pixie is mostly attitude and will. She is a total sweetie who likes to snuggle... when it's her idea. When we took our girls to the vet recently, the techs brought Lucy back out to the parking lot (they don't let humans in with their animals since COVID) and just raved about what a great cat she was. Pixie, they brought out in her carrier essentially at arm's length like she was a bomb or something and said they would have to give us a sedative dose for her next time. Without us in the room, she simply refused to let them do what they needed to do. Pixe does not appreciate things that are Not Pixie's Idea.

Yep.  That's brown tabby attitude (catitude).

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, BetyBee said:

Yes! We're in the NW suburbs. It's sticking here. It is mushy though. I hope we get plowed before it freezes!

Not sticking in the city- it’s like a cold slush. Photo of Cosmo back from afternoon walk in the stairwell. 

[lookeyloo]

2 hours ago, Turquoise said:

Meanwhile in the southern part of the state it is 63 and sunny after two rainy, gloomy days. But since I am in Illinois, I must be near Chicago, right*?? 🤣 
(*The attitude of anyone not actually from Illinois)

so true.  We lived in Baton Rouge a long time.  How many people thought New Orleans as if they are sister cities.  Son lives in a suburb south of  Tacoma.  But we fly into SeaTac.  People always ask me how things are in Seattle.  Fine I guess.  Don't go there.

[BetyBee]

I just wrote a long rant against technology and deleted it. You can thank me later! Suffice to say that we have new phones and I'm frustrated! And in a bad mood.

[Turquoise]

This is pretty accurate...

[jcbrown]

Here is Pixie's contribution to my efforts today. Fun fact: the glass-break sensor for this floor is on the wall below the Chat Noir poster, next to all the glass trees the cat is tippy-toeing through.

[CalicoKitty]

I hope everyone from Washington to Fresno in CA is doing ok in this storm.  I am just on the other side of the mountains, and there is no way I could possibly get to California right now.  I was awakened about 5:00 this morning by the noise of the wind.  We get strong wind here, but I have never heard it blow like it is now.   It is very cloudy--in fact it looks like it is about 6:00 PM  right now, and it is not even 1:00 in the afternoon.  We are getting rain, and we had rain earlier this week, and we have had wet snow, so I'm thrilled to see the water levels rise.  We really need the water.  But I could sure live without this hard wind.  People are tough around here, though.  One town north of me is still planning on having their Christmas parade tonight.  I hope no one gets blown over.  I  am not going anywhere except my chair by the fire today.  I will probably not move for several days.  It is not supposed to get above 35 all next week.   

[zoomama]

22 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

I hope everyone from Washington to Fresno in CA is doing ok in this storm.  I am just on the other side of the mountains, and there is no way I could possibly get to California right now.  I was awakened about 5:00 this morning by the noise of the wind.  We get strong wind here, but I have never heard it blow like it is now.   It is very cloudy--in fact it looks like it is about 6:00 PM  right now, and it is not even 1:00 in the afternoon.  We are getting rain, and we had rain earlier this week, and we have had wet snow, so I'm thrilled to see the water levels rise.  We really need the water.  But I could sure live without this hard wind.  People are tough around here, though.  One town north of me is still planning on having their Christmas parade tonight.  I hope no one gets blown over.  I  am not going anywhere except my chair by the fire today.  I will probably not move for several days.  It is not supposed to get above 35 all next week.   

hmmm, never even knew there was a washington, california! learned something new today. we are in so-cal so we have wind and rain but nothing too terrible. you are so right -- we NEED rain so bad.