Small Talk: The Prayer Closet

[Happyfatchick]

Wow, NYSocial, you have my deepest admiration. The kind I usually reserve for retired career military. My hat is off. You are amazing.

p.s. Thursday is my birthday, so get ready. Don't tell me ahead of time, it won't count. (I'm weird that way). We're having a virtual party based on the motto: it's 5:00 somewhere!!!

Edited August 11, 2015 by Happyfatchick

[JenCarroll]

 

Lately, I've been getting a ton of Duggar stories, and Google says "you've shown interest in Jim Bob Duggar".

 

Now that Google thinks I've "shown interest" in Jim Bob, I have to go bleach my search history.

What unfortunate phrasing! That's hilarious. And sort of horrifying. :D

[Satchels of gold]

Wow, NYSocial, you have my deepest admiration. The kind I usually reserve for retired career military. My hat is off. You are amazing.

p.s. Thursday is my birthday, so get ready. Don't tell me ahead of time, it won't count. (I'm weird that way). We're having a virtual party based on the motto: it's 5:00 somewhere!!!

You are a amazing women, may God bless you

Thank you so very much, your posts made me tear up. I wish I deserved that praise but I'm just a mom who loves her daughter.

[kalamac]

Books. When I was up to date on all my favourite authors and not sure what to read next, I decided to expand my reading zone, and read my way through the library, alphabetically by author first name. It's been 4 years, and even though I read 4 - 8 books a week, more if I'm on holiday, I'm still only on the letter E. (Currently reading the Benni Harper series by Earlene Fowler). I avoid the Harlequin romance type books, and only read the non-fiction if it's a subject that interests me - I'll skip over an author who writes about car repair, but recently read a book about microsurgery.

I've run into plenty of books where I couldn't get through the first few chapters, but also found a bunch I enjoyed, that I maybe wouldn't have picked up based on the cover or where they were shelved, if I was in the library instead of booking them online.

[Liz Tudor]

A rule of thumb I pass on to readers is that if you're not hooked or interested in a book in the first 50 pages, set it aside and read something that does engage you. Seattle Public Library's Nancy Pearl is the origin of that nugget of wisdom. I used to feel guilty for wanting to quit/give up on a book (maybe from years and years of HAVING to plow through, whether I liked it or not), but life is too short to "make" yourself read for pleasure!

[Wok Chop]

There are a lot of intelligent people here who have really enlightened me and whose opinions I value. Soooo, I guess I will put myself out there and ask for your input.

 

In the spring of 2014, I graduated summa cum laude from a paralegal program, but I am have a helluva time finding an employer who will give me a chance. I have been out of the work force for nearly 15 years due to health problems, and my work experience prior to that was low level restaurant management (I was only 27 when my health crashed). For this reason, I performed three internships while in school to help beef up my resume, and I was getting a LOT of job interviews last year--up until the end of last summer; however, now that I am a year out from my last internship, I'm not even getting interviews.

 

I have become extremely depressed about all of this. It's really hard to not take it personally--especially since I've Facebook-stalked former classmates (who were morons, IMO lol), and they are all working in law firms. For several months, I gave up on looking at all; however, having just come back from a restful vacation, I have decided to get back out there.

 

My roadblocks are 1) a lack of work history, 2) introversion and social anxiety, and 3) do not know how to market myself in a way that feels sincere. 

 

I am currently on SSA disability. I am a very honest person, and I feel like I should be up front with potential employers. Is it wrong to disclose that my lack of work history is due to health issues--which I have overcome--and ask them to give me a chance? Also, I am introverted; I feel resentful because my chance of getting a job is hampered by my inability to network. I also feel like I'm horrible with interviews; I hate abstract questions, questions that I feel must be answered in a certain way in order to be answered "correctly," and generalized "tell me about yourself" questions. I like directness--ask me what I can do for you, or let me show you what I can do for you--and let me do it in a way that feels authentic to me.

 

I hope I am making sense. I found an open position with a small firm near me, and I am wanting to write a cover letter. I have a bit of a mental block going on, I guess. When I was going to class/internships, my social skills were more polished. Now that I have been stuck at home for the past year, I'm feeling rather feral. lol I've went back into my shell, and have problems putting myself out there. Plus, my self-confidence has taken a hit, and I am having trouble building myself back up. :P 

 

If you have taken the time to read this, thanks! :D

[Liz Tudor]

Hi, @Wok Chop! Congrats on getting your paralegal certification! I used to write resumes when I was a defense contractor, plus, as a military spouse, I've had to constantly interview for work every time we moved. Some thoughts that randomly came to mind (in no particular order):

You are under no obligation to disclose your health's impact on your work history UP FRONT. I wouldn't volunteer it, but of course, if asked, explain the situation.

If you have a friend/family member who would play along, practice interviewing. I sat in on my husband's transition training before he retired from the Air Force, and they did a LOT of interviewing practice. Like you, he is super introverted and stinks at small talk & weird questions, and would rather just cut to the chase. If you have someone who would play interviewer and then constructively critique your answers, body language, etc., you will get more comfortable with the process. I've seen it in action, and it really does work.

Are you privy to any career development/assistance from your paralegal program? Sometimes, they'll help recent grads.

When on an interview, just be yourself. And remember, this is an opportunity for you to determine if the job/firm is going to be a good fit for you. So, if you have a tendency to be blunt and want to get to the particulars, share that. It will probably be appreciated. I perceive that to be a sign of good communication. Nuances do have their time and place, but I know I like to be direct as well.

I don't know if this is remotely possible for you, but whenever we moved, if I couldn't find a job right away (which was hardly ever), I volunteered in the field. This ALWAYS led to my getting hired either where I was volunteering or another business in the same field that had connections with where I was volunteering. Finding a job relies largely who you know, so after I volunteered 2-3 months, they were happy to refer me or hire me. I got some of my best jobs and references this way.

Are you on Linked In? Having a profile there can get your foot in the door with friends in the field. I know it helped my husband find his first civilian job. It's all about networking. You never know who can help...acquaintences, friends, former classmates, etc. Having a contact who can speak on your behalf to HR can break barriers.

Sorry for the length, but between my experiences and my husband's recent job search/hiring, this is all fresh in my mind. Best of luck to you!

[GeeGolly]

There are a lot of intelligent people here who have really enlightened me and whose opinions I value. Soooo, I guess I will put myself out there and ask for your input.

 

In the spring of 2014, I graduated summa cum laude from a paralegal program, but I am have a helluva time finding an employer who will give me a chance. I have been out of the work force for nearly 15 years due to health problems, and my work experience prior to that was low level restaurant management (I was only 27 when my health crashed). For this reason, I performed three internships while in school to help beef up my resume, and I was getting a LOT of job interviews last year--up until the end of last summer; however, now that I am a year out from my last internship, I'm not even getting interviews.

 

I have become extremely depressed about all of this. It's really hard to not take it personally--especially since I've Facebook-stalked former classmates (who were morons, IMO lol), and they are all working in law firms. For several months, I gave up on looking at all; however, having just come back from a restful vacation, I have decided to get back out there.

 

My roadblocks are 1) a lack of work history, 2) introversion and social anxiety, and 3) do not know how to market myself in a way that feels sincere. 

 

I am currently on SSA disability. I am a very honest person, and I feel like I should be up front with potential employers. Is it wrong to disclose that my lack of work history is due to health issues--which I have overcome--and ask them to give me a chance? Also, I am introverted; I feel resentful because my chance of getting a job is hampered by my inability to network. I also feel like I'm horrible with interviews; I hate abstract questions, questions that I feel must be answered in a certain way in order to be answered "correctly," and generalized "tell me about yourself" questions. I like directness--ask me what I can do for you, or let me show you what I can do for you--and let me do it in a way that feels authentic to me.

 

I hope I am making sense. I found an open position with a small firm near me, and I am wanting to write a cover letter. I have a bit of a mental block going on, I guess. When I was going to class/internships, my social skills were more polished. Now that I have been stuck at home for the past year, I'm feeling rather feral. lol I've went back into my shell, and have problems putting myself out there. Plus, my self-confidence has taken a hit, and I am having trouble building myself back up. :P 

 

If you have taken the time to read this, thanks! :D

First congrats on your graduation!!!!! Second don't see not being hired as personal, plenty of folks don't get hired every day. Thirdly look at each interview individually. Research the company or law firm and then 'research yourself'. Link together your strengths and their needs, direction and mission. Don't assume there is only one correct answer to abstract questions, you may surprise yourself and the interviewer with coming up with the best answer yet! Role play, yehp really, role play with a friend and be open to feedback from them. If you get stuck, use humor, it shows you won't crash under pressure.

 

Don't give up. Your job is out there!

[kokapetl]

There are a lot of intelligent people here who have really enlightened me and whose opinions I value. Soooo, I guess I will put myself out there and ask for your input.

In the spring of 2014, I graduated summa cum laude from a paralegal program, but I am have a helluva time finding an employer who will give me a chance. I have been out of the work force for nearly 15 years due to health problems, and my work experience prior to that was low level restaurant management (I was only 27 when my health crashed). For this reason, I performed three internships while in school to help beef up my resume, and I was getting a LOT of job interviews last year--up until the end of last summer; however, now that I am a year out from my last internship, I'm not even getting interviews.

I have become extremely depressed about all of this. It's really hard to not take it personally--especially since I've Facebook-stalked former classmates (who were morons, IMO lol), and they are all working in law firms. For several months, I gave up on looking at all; however, having just come back from a restful vacation, I have decided to get back out there.

My roadblocks are 1) a lack of work history, 2) introversion and social anxiety, and 3) do not know how to market myself in a way that feels sincere.

I am currently on SSA disability. I am a very honest person, and I feel like I should be up front with potential employers. Is it wrong to disclose that my lack of work history is due to health issues--which I have overcome--and ask them to give me a chance? Also, I am introverted; I feel resentful because my chance of getting a job is hampered by my inability to network. I also feel like I'm horrible with interviews; I hate abstract questions, questions that I feel must be answered in a certain way in order to be answered "correctly," and generalized "tell me about yourself" questions. I like directness--ask me what I can do for you, or let me show you what I can do for you--and let me do it in a way that feels authentic to me.

I hope I am making sense. I found an open position with a small firm near me, and I am wanting to write a cover letter. I have a bit of a mental block going on, I guess. When I was going to class/internships, my social skills were more polished. Now that I have been stuck at home for the past year, I'm feeling rather feral. lol I've went back into my shell, and have problems putting myself out there. Plus, my self-confidence has taken a hit, and I am having trouble building myself back up. :P

If you have taken the time to read this, thanks! :D

This may be out of line and offensive, but if you're a woman, and if anyone asked, you could cite vaguely defined family duties as the reason for the 15 year gap. The family would really just consist of yourself, but technically that could be considered a family, right? Edited August 11, 2015 by Kokapetl

[ChocolateAddict]

Rather mundane question compared to everyone else on here but does anyone have a cure for blocked ears???  I've had a killer cold for the last few days but when I woke up this morning, my ears were blocked too. I'm seeing the doctor but not til tomorrow afternoon (its morning here) and the feeling of having cotton wool in my ears is driving me nuts.  

A lot of the books that I am reading are Australian or young adult so I won't post them.  I'm rereading on of my all time favourite books, All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque.  I'm also reading Leila's Secret by Kooshyar Karimi which is a true story about a doctor who performs abortions on young Iranian women who would otherwise be stoned to death and one of his patients. I'm also reading In The Company of Cowards by Michael Mori who was David Hick's lawyer.  Not to start a massive debate about Guantanamo but it addresses the legal failings in the way inmates were treated, both while in custody and in the courts. Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin is beautiful and a bit of a lighter read!  The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion is very popular here and is a bit of fun.  I like mixing it up between young adult (particularly Australian), autobiographies, historical novels and occasionally some well-written fantasy sci-fi.  A bit of everything :)

[allonsyalice]

Rather mundane question compared to everyone else on here but does anyone have a cure for blocked ears???  I've had a killer cold for the last few days but when I woke up this morning, my ears were blocked too. I'm seeing the doctor but not til tomorrow afternoon (its morning here) and the feeling of having cotton wool in my ears is driving me nuts.  

as a matter of fact, Yes! (My methods, however, are a little different as I am 20 years old with the ears of a 2 year old, they are constantly blocked with wax) you don't want to use water because that can, in most cases lead to an infection, and you can buy a lil thing of olive oil at a drug store. Just a couple of drops in your ear, then making sure you lie on that ear for a bit  that should help.

you can also use hydrogen peroxide before the olive oil, but be careful, but hydrogen peroxide will just turn to water.

and i sometimes use the stuff called Cerumol, but my ENT doesnt really suggest it and also it sucks. I find the olive oil works best.

[Wok Chop]

Liz Tudor, your response was not long--it was appreciated! I performed two internships with the court administration--one of those was for school, and the second was voluntary. They liked me, and wanted me to stay, but at the time, I lived 45 minutes away, had a lot of stuff going on, and I also was a bit pissed because they liked my work when it was free but apparently not enough to pay me (that pissy attitude had a lot to do with how LITTLE some of the actual employees seemed to work compared to my own work ethic and thoroughness). However, now that I am closer to that particular court, I have thought about contacting them and offering to volunteer again. I really miss it. I love law, and I love being in the courthouse because there is always different and interesting stuff going on. 

 

I will have to search around for a good candidate to perform a mock interview. My immediate family members wouldn't cut the mustard for this task.

 

Thanks for weighing in! :D

 

GeeGolly, thanks! I really appreciate your advice and encouragement. I do have a great--albeit strange--sense of humor. And, really, if a potential employer can't appreciate my humor, I don't think I'd want to work for them anyway. :P

 

Kokapetl, I do have an actual family, so it's all good. I raised two beautiful, wonderful, amazing daughters all by myself. I can, and have, used them as my reason for my lack of work history. However, I have this annoying habit of being honest to a fault, and I feel like my health issues--and how I have overcome them--are an important part of who I am and must! be! disclosed! 

 

ETA: ChocolateAddict, I have found that, if they are not super blocked, Debrox seems to help.

Edited August 12, 2015 by Wok Chop

[kokapetl]

Kokapetl, I do have an actual family, so it's all good. I raised two beautiful, wonderful, amazing daughters all by myself. I can, and have, used them as my reason for my lack of work history. However, I have this annoying habit of being honest to a fault, and I feel like my health issues--and how I have overcome them--are an important part of who I am and must! be! disclosed!

I think health issues are relevant if your employer needs to know for the safety of their employees or the general public, for example, could your health issues lead to you flying an Airbus into the side of a mountain, otherwise I'd not mention it. Every job applicant is expected to put their best foot forward, few employers, and certainly not a law firm, expect the unvarnished truth. My personal experience of disclosing anxiety/depression to an employer, an Australian state government department, mainly just caused HR people to instantly attribute any dysfunction or conflict in the workplace to me and my health issues. Edited August 12, 2015 by Kokapetl

[GeeGolly]

ChocoAddict, squeeze your nose shut and blow to pop your ears open. Or try Benedryl, and maybe even chewing gum. You might be experiencing pressure, or fluid in your ears.

[Wok Chop]

My health has been stable for several years now. What issues I am left with are manageable and would not affect my ability to perform the type of job I'm seeking.

 

On the other hand, I also suffer from depression/anxiety but would not disclose that to an employer for the exact reasons you stated. Mental illness is not well understood by most people, and I would not feel safe disclosing any mental health issues to an employer. 

 

I once worked with a woman who flipped out when she found out another co-worker was on Prozac. She ranted and raved about how that should have been disclosed to all of us for our own safety. Whaaaat? Lady, trust me--someone who is seeking help, and being treated, for mental health is a good thing! Ugh. 

[Liz Tudor]

Kokopetl, in the U.S., prospective employers CANNOT ask questions about interviewees' health, disabilities, etc., per the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Things change once someone is hired and becomes an employee, but there are still rules to follow as to how those questions can be couched.

[Absolom]

For the blocked ears from a cold, I use olive oil with some cotton loosely placed in the ear and with the head lying on the opposite side from the affected one and I also take Sudafed.  It has to be the behind the counter one you ask for.  Only use it if you don't have heart or blood pressure problems. 

[latetotheparty]

Wow, NYSocial, you have my deepest admiration. The kind I usually reserve for retired career military. My hat is off. You are amazing.

p.s. Thursday is my birthday, so get ready. Don't tell me ahead of time, it won't count. (I'm weird that way). We're having a virtual party based on the motto: it's 5:00 somewhere!!!

 

August babies represent!

[kokapetl]

My health has been stable for several years now. What issues I am left with are manageable and would not affect my ability to perform the type of job I'm seeking.

I say if it won't affect your ability to do the job, then they don't need to know, so don't tell em.

[Wellfleet]

Wellfleet - Thanks for those recommendations. I think I will go to my local library and check them out. I love David McCullough and have read many of his books. I also thought of buying the new book by Harper Lee but, decided not to. Even though I know this was written before TKM, I just felt it was better to leave well enough alone so to speak.  And, I love watching Lidia cook. I will have to check out that cook book.

 

I know a LOT of people who are saying "no thanks" to the new Harper Lee book. In my case, it's because I'm not convinced she really wanted it published. There's a good chance she's being manipulated by various people who could profit from the book - she might not even know it's being published.

[kokapetl]

Rather mundane question compared to everyone else on here but does anyone have a cure for blocked ears??? I've had a killer cold for the last few days but when I woke up this morning, my ears were blocked too. I'm seeing the doctor but not til tomorrow afternoon (its morning here) and the feeling of having cotton wool in my ears is driving me nuts.

A lot of the books that I am reading are Australian or young adult so I won't post them. I'm rereading on of my all time favourite books, All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque. I'm also reading Leila's Secret by Kooshyar Karimi which is a true story about a doctor who performs abortions on young Iranian women who would otherwise be stoned to death and one of his patients. I'm also reading In The Company of Cowards by Michael Mori who was David Hick's lawyer. Not to start a massive debate about Guantanamo but it addresses the legal failings in the way inmates were treated, both while in custody and in the courts. Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin is beautiful and a bit of a lighter read! The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion is very popular here and is a bit of fun. I like mixing it up between young adult (particularly Australian), autobiographies, historical novels and occasionally some well-written fantasy sci-fi. A bit of everything :)

You should try the original meth precursor version of sudafed, the pseudo-ephedrine will restrict the blood flow to the mucous membranes and soft tissue in your head and shrink them (temporarily of course), it'll create more space for the snot. It'll make it easier to pop your ears too, but see what the GP says. Edited August 12, 2015 by Kokapetl

[Wellfleet]

Thank you so very much, your posts made me tear up. I wish I deserved that praise but I'm just a mom who loves her daughter.

 

Nope. Sorry but you are much, MUCH more than that. I've never heard of anyone being that purely unselfish and generous. To be financially-supporting the biological parent of their adoptive child, and in a foreign country to boot. Wow... and just - WOW. 

[Satchels of gold]

Wok chok

Good luck with your interview. Be prepared to answer what your best/ worst character traits are and where you see yourself in 5 years. I agree that you should not disclose your medical history. You don't want to give them any reason not to hire you.

[Wellfleet]

Rather mundane question compared to everyone else on here but does anyone have a cure for blocked ears???  I've had a killer cold for the last few days but when I woke up this morning, my ears were blocked too. I'm seeing the doctor but not til tomorrow afternoon (its morning here) and the feeling of having cotton wool in my ears is driving me nuts.  

A lot of the books that I am reading are Australian or young adult so I won't post them.  I'm rereading on of my all time favourite books, All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque.  I'm also reading Leila's Secret by Kooshyar Karimi which is a true story about a doctor who performs abortions on young Iranian women who would otherwise be stoned to death and one of his patients. I'm also reading In The Company of Cowards by Michael Mori who was David Hick's lawyer.  Not to start a massive debate about Guantanamo but it addresses the legal failings in the way inmates were treated, both while in custody and in the courts. Mao's Last Dancer by Li Cunxin is beautiful and a bit of a lighter read!  The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion is very popular here and is a bit of fun.  I like mixing it up between young adult (particularly Australian), autobiographies, historical novels and occasionally some well-written fantasy sci-fi.  A bit of everything :)

 

Chocolate - I have blocked ears several times a year. Pediatrician told my Mom I had "tiny ears" and lots of wax. What works really well for me is Debrox - a kit you get OTC at the drugstore. First you use their ear drops and hold your head to one side for 10 or so min. Then flush with warm water. It's gross, but I've had some serious chunkage fall out afterward and then everything is unbelievably loud. As I said, apparently I have a lot of wax - yuck.  Hope it works for you.

Edited August 12, 2015 by Wellfleet

[springtime]

Wok Chop- I am an employment coordinator- I help people with disabilities find employment. Been doing it for 18 years!

Have you used employment services? Your state should have a program that would be a good fit for you.

(State drop in employment centers open to all residents are helpful too)

An employment search is not something that you do everyday-  Let someone else's expertise help you!

 

Services are individualized (helping folks that need a lot of assistance and others that are completely independent that we help behind the scenes)

We know employers, positions and the area (we do the networking for you!), the latest trends in job searching and how to address gaps in employment (health issues or assisting family members are both fine)

(Don't feel you have to list everything in your resume) Focus on your paralegal schooling and related internships.

Employers tend to focus on the upper half of the resume

 

Keep your cover letter brief (they are actually becoming a thing of the past as many ads are replied to electronically on sites like Indeed.com)

As for interviewing- There is lots of information on line on how to answer those annoying questions. 

Do your research on the employer (know why you want to work for them and tell them!

and always come up with a question to ask (they always ask if you have one!) 

 

I would avoid asking employers to "give me a chance" (employers don't like to hear any version of "I need a job,"  Let your experience- your education and internships inform them that you would be an asset to their firm.

 

A final thought- Since you were getting responses to your resume/cover letter and went on interviews-  focus on those interviewing skills!

[Happyfatchick]

Wok Chop, I almost always post tongue in cheek, or outright trying to be funny (I have a personality disorder that Strongly prefers that everyone "lighten up!!!"). I'm saying that because I'm about to be serious, and this is a serious matter. Before I withdrew from the corporate world to do my own thang, my career was HR. If I had to look for a "real" job tomorrow, that's exactly where I would go; it's what I know. I'll try to be brief, but you brought up so many things, it's going to be hard!

1) don't disclose your health issues. Don't do it. Any time you disclose an issue (I have a daughter with Downs Syndrome, or I've just had a miraculous recovery from stage 4 cancer for example), you invite the interviewer to zoom lens that particular bit. I hear you, that your honesty compels you to unload. Don't. Not only does it make the interviewer see you in a different light, it also makes them think of you (subconsciously) as a weak link. They can't ask about your health, or your home life, or your number of children for a reason: ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. 2) good for you, pursuing what you wanted and graduating with honors. Get that tattooed on your forehead. That needs to be your main talking point. I wanted it, and I DID it. I am so excited about this, I LOVE law, and I can't WAIT to be useful in this field. Push it. 3). Don't be shy. I know it goes against everything you are inside, but don't be shy!!! I'm saying that the old adage about 90% of an interview being non-verbal - it's true. We ASK that ridiculous fluff question because we want to see what you DO with it. Do you squirm? Turn red? Get pissy? Laugh and ask for clarification? Or say (and some of my favorite answers were exactly this!), "I'm sorry, what does that have to do with the position???" 4) try to answer a question not in your favor by circling around to the back. If they ask, for example, "are you familiar with the XYZ system?" And you are most certainly NOT, you say, "I am not familiar with that particular program. I AM, however, the QUEEN of excel, Power Point and Quickbooks, so obviously I am capable of learning new things quickly."

Wear your best smile. Wear clothing that fits well, tugging on clothing is distracting in an interview. Smile a whole lot, but not to the point you look lost. Shake hands firmly, and be confident. Answer everything honestly without giving up the farm. You will be asked directly why you were out of the work force for so long. USE the family, but don't identify as a mother (because they'll read that as you have needy, demanding children). "Yes, circumstances within our FAMILY made it impossible for me to work for several years. Those are resolved, and I have my education and I'm so ready to be back in the workforce!" Get good rest, practice that smile. Be confident. Don't be shy. Don't be afraid to say what you've accomplished. They can't read your mind, it's up to YOU to sell yourself. Under-confidence (and reserved posture) tends to "tell" an interviewer that you have to be pushed. Nobody wants to hire someone they have to push to get a job done. Be friendly. If the interview is interrupted, smile at the visitor openly. Be approachable. Make them WANT you on the team.

Job skills and education are fabulous, don't read me wrong. Everybody wants to have the most skilled people on their team. But hand in hand with that are ambition and likeability. Everybody wants to get along with their co-workers. SHOW them that you are a team player. Truthfully, I used to say that I could train ANYBODY to do anything, as long as their heart was in the right place. I've had only 2 employees in 15 years that never were able to perform a given job (that really WANTED to). Most of the time, you can do ANYTHING as long as you really WANT to do it.

You've already said you WANT this. You love law, you want to be there. SAY that!!! But be belieavable. You won't be noticed if you say "I love law" with your head between your knees. Use gestures. Hand on your heart. "I worked so HARD for this because I want it so badly. I am so excited to be at this point in my life!"

I knew I couldn't do a short answer...hehe!!!

[Happyfatchick]

Seashell, good luck-I think you're doing the right thing and you're being a great grandma and guardian to those kiddos.

 

So I have to share something you'll all appreciate. I have an Android phone and use Google Now quite often. One of the features is that it aggregates stories from around the web that you might find interesting, and sometimes it tells you in italics why it thought you'd like it. Lately, I've been getting a ton of Duggar stories, and Google says "you've shown interest in Jim Bob Duggar".

 

Now that Google thinks I've "shown interest" in Jim Bob, I have to go bleach my search history.

Pass that search beach on over when you're done - I'm still getting the ads for the HORRIFYINGLY UGLY partay rings from Penneys.

[Barb23]

Pass that search beach on over when you're done - I'm still getting the ads for the HORRIFYINGLY UGLY partay rings from Penneys.

I'm getting the Penney's ads too. I even roamed the Tiffany's site hoping it would change, but no luck. All the job & interview advice has been great. My son is in the process of looking for a new job & I will pass on the tips.

Thought I'd add this funny story: When we were in high school, one of my friends was applying for a retail job. She was asked what she would do if she saw one of her friends shoplifting. She answered that none of her friends would do that. She got the job.

[Happyfatchick]

I'm getting the Penney's ads too. I even roamed the Tiffany's site hoping it would change, but no luck. All the job & interview advice has been great. My son is in the process of looking for a new job & I will pass on the tips.

. Ah, now you got me going again, and I was done!!! For the younger generation (and I hope to high heaven this is not true of your son) now interviewing, there is a layer of "I-don't-care" that pervades almost every one of them. That monotone "crack voice" that they've all adopted over the last few years is the MOST irritating thing in an interview. The VOICE says "I don't care" loud and clear. I coached and coached my nephew, who is REALLY a good kid, but has that CRACK VOICE going on... To no avail. He says (in his monotone) "I can't help how my voice comes out".

Ah, but YES, you can. I've researched it, it's called "vocal fry". It really IS a thing, and it's totally affected. The "norm" now is not to show energy. To relax into a chair so that it looks as if your bones are made of rubber. Don't raise your voice, use a complete monotone. I KNOW it's affected, I've known this kid since he was 10 minutes old!!! The problem with this crack voice and rubber-bones thing is that the INTERVIEWER is closer to MY age than his, in all likelihood. People over that particular generation do not understand the "front" they present. Almost as if to say, "you're not gonna like me anyway, so why bother?" We don't understand that. I want to see ENERGY and GUMPTION when I interview someone. I don't believe my nephew is as worthless as he presents (I LOVE this kid!!). I KNOW he cares more than he projects. But...if I'm interviewing him, I'm thinking, "I'm going to be spending every day ALLLLL day pushing this kid to move. Yaaa, no thanks". He was dumbfounded when I pointed out his demeanor and his true worth don't match. You only get one shot at a first interview; make it count.

If your son really wants a job, tell him I said this: wear a tie. If it's a casual workplace he's applied to, WEAR A TIE. he can wear khaki's and a button down, but tuck it in and wear a TIE. DONT SPEAK IN A MONOTONE. Sit tall in the chair, relaxed, with elbows on the arms of the chair and lean slightly forward. ENGAGE with the person asking questions. Act like the questions are interesting, and that he's interested in giving the answer. If his experience is not that much, SELL them on the idea he is CAPABLE of performing and/or learning new tasks. Firm handshakes. (Far far more than one person never got a callback, based largely on a dead fish handshake). Tell him to act like he works there already. Relaxed, calm, ready. Smile. If a question seems goofy, he's allowed to give facial response that says so. Not disrespect, but, "oh, wow. Didn't see THAT one coming!" It's also acceptable to say, "give me a minute to think about that". (Because we LOVE tricky trippy questions. Good interviewers ask them routinely, and are perfectly happy to wait in silence until there's an answer).

"What do you like to do in your spare time?" I ALWAYS asked that question, because dutiful parents say EVERY time, "I play with my kids" or "we like to take the kids to the park". Not a NEGATIVE response, by any stretch. But you just identified that you have children. And that's not relevant to the job. Try to tell your son (work with him, if he'll let you) to turn right at those questions. "What do you like to do in your spare time?" might be countered with "do you mean my hobbies? I like to read and go fishing, I play a little golf..." It's not TERRIBLE to identify as a parent, but it's better to keep the focus on himself. Imagine Jim Bob Duggar tripping over that question in an interview. "I like to spend time with my wife and kids". Now, he's self identified and most interviewers will catch that fly and follow with, "how many children do you have?" One is good. Two is cute. Three is a handful. Anything more makes an interviewer start to calculate how much time off he'll need because of sick kids. (We don't mean to, and it's technically a mortal sin - but we all do it). I have a great mental picture of MY face if someone said they had NINETEEN KIDS.

Also, because I assume he's young and may be low on experience, tell him to take with him ANY documentation that might be helpful. Any certifications, any awards, even PICTURES of him volunteering. (We LOVE people who volunteer, by the way).

My youngest son just applied for an upward position in his company. He's a Marine Reservist, but most companies appreciate that and make exceptions for the down-time it requires. But going into the interview, I was texting him constantly. Smile. Firm handshake. Sit up straight, but be relaxed. Be confident, but not cocky. Bring your Marine certifications. Don't be afraid to tell them you know 100 computer programs backward and forward, but also tell them you loaded trucks in balance and learned how to drive a hummer with the steering wheel on the wrong side. They need to know you aren't afraid to dig in and get dirty.

And for my son...no coaching on the vocal fry. I'm pretty sure not many Marines have issues with that. One of my texts to my son: "Don't use your Marine voice. Use your inside voice".

He got the job :)))

[Muffyn]

Wok Chop, welcome back to the workforce.  As a person with a disability, you do not need to disclose anything unless you are requesting an accommodation.  During an interview, you should not bring it up.  Kokapeti makes an excellent suggestion.  You can say you took time off to help family members.  Then be clear to say that those issues are now resolved.  (For example, I changed from working on the road to working from home for a few years because my brother was ill.  I will be citing family issues when I look for work).  I have a hidden disability and I never give them any ideas.  I too can have a hard time going for non-disclosure, but it very important that you control what you do and do not present to a potential employer.

 

In terms of getting some relevant work experience, look for local legal aid societies or other non-profits that do legal type work; for example, renters alliances, immigrant support groups, small business associations.  Many of these organizations are always looking for help.  You could use your volunteer experience to fill out your resume.  Maybe you can find some of these closer to your home.

 

For help interviewing, you can find sample questions and answers on line, but the biggest thing is practice.  As many have suggested, see if a friend or relative can help you practice.  You want to learn how to be comfortable putting a positive perspective on what you can offer an employer without slipping into the negative.  From your prior work, you have experience working in a fast-paced environment in which you needed to be adaptable.  You also bring a level of maturity that they may not see in recent grads.  So you bring a mature perspective and better understanding of commitment to your employer for a newbie’s pay rate. 

Since you have experience being on SSA, you could also look into applying for paralegal work in social service agencies.  Then your experience would be an asset. 

 

And big plusses to everything Springtime and HappFatChick said.

[ChocolateAddict]

Thanks everyone for the suggestions! I've been off to the chemist getting some of the stuff that you all suggested.  I'm going to try those and the other hints.  I'll let you know how it goes :)

You guys are the best!

[Barb23]

Thanks Happy & others for all your advice. My husband is adamant about the wearing a tie thing. My son doesn't have the voice/slouch thing going on but he is a very fast talker so i'll have him slow it down. My son is looking for a job in the architectural field. He got a job last year at a small firm but was let go because of lack of work. He was lucky & was hired at that interview. At least he can add a years worth of architectural experience as well as his Master's degree to his resume. He was able to finish school while working last year. He has interview in 2 weeks at a larger firm. He was told its a long interview, he's scheduled for 2 hours cuz the president lady likes to go in detail about things & does a grand tour of office. Besides his portfolio, he was told to bring any "hobby" drawings, sketches, etc. he may work on, the prez lady likes that. His hobby is playing an on line Star Wars game but he said he'll bring something. He also volunteered for Habitat for humanity so I'll have him bring that up. He has learned about turning questions around - "I don't know much about that program but have extensive knowledge of this one." Luckily the firm's website tells history of firm & the schools the employees went to (not SOTDRT) so he can read up on that, another thing my husband is adamant about. My son is an easy going guy, nothing seems to bother him unlike his mother who worries about everything. So I'll be a nutcase by the time interview comes around.

I have used "a personal problem" instead of saying health problem as an answer to an interview question regarding why I left a previous job. I assured them problem was resolved (it was) & I ended up getting job.

I can't imagine trying to interview Jim Bob, MEchelle or any of the kids. Boob would just be gloating about producing 19 kids & the kids wouldn't be able to put a decent sentence together. MEchelle would just stare out in space & be wearing her not business-like outfit - Jean skirt, lime green blouse, dark hose & clodhopper shoes.

[Readalot]

HFC, excellent advice and insight, thank you! As a former hiring manager I'd advise just being honest. As in "thank you for this opportunity, I'm excited to be here." "I love doing xyz" "this opportunity sounds like a great fit, can I have the job?" "Please Excuse my delay in answering, I have to admit I'm a bit nervous". Even though I NEVER asked the "what are your strengths/weaknesses" questions be prepared. Practice your answers in front of a mirror until your responses seem natural. I was a good interviewer, I always made sure my interviewees were relaxed by doing small talk until I read from their body language that they were comfortable. - on a side note thank you all for the doggy mess advice. Life has been crazy for us right now, I can't see straight. I have yet to get to Home Depot to try out the lime. And unfortunately because of the rocky uphill terrain and our health situations only my teen can climb up to clean up. And she is working full time right now and can't do it in the dark. Ugh. Happy thoughts and hugs to all that need one!

[emma675]

Wok Chop, I'll hammer it home, too, do NOT reveal any health details, mental or physical. I have two autoimmune diseases, but I'll be damned if I'll bring them up in an interview and an interviewer would never be able to tell just looking at me. I've worked hard (and pushed myself way too far sometimes) to be able to keep working because I am just as capable as a normal healthy person. You're not being any less honest by not revealing them in an interview--when you think about it, I'll bet all of the other candidates are saying much worse to give themselves an advantage over you, lol!

 

I'm an introvert, too, and whenever I have to interview, I channel my mom. She's a bright, sassy, personable, chatty Southern lady who can charm anyone. It's like I'm playing a part, in a way, but I don't feel like I'm lying because my personality is a small part of any actual work that needs to be done and in the end, that's all employers really care about.

[Wok Chop]

To all of you wonderful people who took the time to offer advice, encouragement, and expertise: thank you so much! I was not expecting so many thoughtful replies, and I am filled with gratitude. I have read each of your responses, and I truly appreciate the advice and support. 

 

springtime, my state has rehabilitation services, but I've been hesitant...because the thought of dealing with another government entity makes me shudder. However, I just looked it up, and it appears there is an online orientation I can do. I think I will go ahead and check it out. :)

 

Also, to whomever mentioned employment services through my school, I totally forgot about that! I believe I can meet with someone who will help me with my resume, cover letters, and interviewing skills. I was planning on going that route last year, but everything got crazy in my life, and I set aside my full-time job hunt.

 

As for ways around my lack of work history, I am not concerned about having to lie. I did have small children to raise, and I did decide to go back to school once my youngest started high school. Now my girls are adults (19 and 24), so it will be easy enough to say I took a break to raise them...and it wouldn't be a lie. :D

 

Okay, now I think I should go through all of this great advice, and turn it into bullet points. Maybe a PowerPoint presentation? lol

 

Thanks again!

[Julia]

Yeah, I agree. She's definitely Emma, to the extent that she's any of them...

 

Honestly, I have trouble mapping anyone in Austen to this mob, with the exception of possibly Jim Bob / Mr. Elton, although as much of a pig as he was, Mr. Elton seems to have grasped that it wouldn't be seen as a triumph for him to have married his wife if he announced that his wife wasn't worth all that much.

Also, I love Elizabeth. I think there's a lot of emotional truth to Pride and Prejudice. I also think that when faced with a book where all the fortune that comes to the young woman who is the focus comes as a result of her

first defying her mother, and

then recognizing that her father is a bad husband because he bred daughters off of a wife he didn't respect while infantilizing her,

if he had any idea what he was reading they'd be pulling shards of Jim Bob's skull out of passersby with really, really small tweezers.

Edited August 12, 2015 by Julia

[Happyfatchick]

Putting on my left blinker for a moment: my Amish Aunt Susie died this afternoon. My family RULES in the sarcasm field, and deaths are equal opportunity. Please don't be offended by the following - I received this text from my brother:

Aunt Susie died this afternoon. She was 784 as near as we can tell.

[A few minutes later, this text followed:]

Correction: I've been informed she was 783 at the time of death.

God bless her, she a very good woman and a wonderful mother. Her children are good people, extremely well read and well rounded (considering the Amish). Still, she's been O.L.D. since I can remember. I'm pretty sure she skipped middle age altogether.

Back to the convo: I read P&P and the other Jane books a million years ago, but they didn't have the lasting impact for me that they have for you guys. I asked for reading materials the other day, but now I think I have to go back there and read those again. I want in this club!!!

[Julia]

Aunt Susie died this afternoon. She was 784 as near as we can tell.

[A few minutes later, this text followed:]

Correction: I've been informed she was 783 at the time of death.

Hey, HFC. I wish you peace and the strength to deal with the loss of your aunt, who you don't even have to mourn in a way a bunch of strangers on the intarwebz approve of.

Yeah, I may have issues. I still wish you peace.

[Readalot]

HFC (((hugs)))

[NEGirl]

HappyFatChick - so sorry for the loss of your Aunt.

[Love2dance]

HAPPYFATCHICK....may fond memories of your aunt comfort all the members of your family.

[Happyfatchick]

Thank y'all for the warm wishes.  Aunt Susie (Susan) was the wife of my father's brother, Uncle Jake.  [Total aside:  Daddy and Jake looked SOOOO similar - all my life, I looked at Jake and "saw" what Daddy would have looked like as an Amish man!]  Daddy was shunned for many years after leaving the Amish.  Jake has been gone many years now, and since I'm older - I wish I could tell him how I appreciated his "stand" concerning my Daddy.  Jake's was the house we were always welcomed, always greeted warmly.  Aunt Susie was the one aunt who tried to make my mother more comfortable in that environment.  I have two pieces of memorabilia Jake made for my father:  An ink pen carved from wood, and a walking cane shaped like a saw.  (The cane was with Daddy on his last trip to the hospital).  Aunt Susie was quiet and mousy - the less she was noticed, the happier she was.  Between them, they raised some fine children (some stayed Amish, some did not).  Their children are older than me, but continue to be close to my brother.  (I'm closer to a whole different cousin set my age.  Let me tell you, Rumspringa was BIG entertainment for a Baptist kid from Georgia!  I have one cousin who's 47 and says he's still going through Rumspringa).  Jake's children followed their father's example, and have always been amazingly welcoming, warm and supportive.  Wonderfully "tolerant" and generous people.  Jake loved my daddy and led his family to do the same.  Behind Jake's doors, there was no shunning.  Some day I'm going to tell him I remember that. 

[Almost 3000]

HFC, excellent advice and insight, thank you! As a former hiring manager I'd advise just being honest. As in "thank you for this opportunity, I'm excited to be here." "I love doing xyz" "this opportunity sounds like a great fit, can I have the job?" "Please Excuse my delay in answering, I have to admit I'm a bit nervous". Even though I NEVER asked the "what are your strengths/weaknesses" questions be prepared. Practice your answers in front of a mirror until your responses seem natural. I was a good interviewer, I always made sure my interviewees were relaxed by doing small talk until I read from their body language that they were comfortable. - on a side note thank you all for the doggy mess advice. Life has been crazy for us right now, I can't see straight. I have yet to get to Home Depot to try out the lime. And unfortunately because of the rocky uphill terrain and our health situations only my teen can climb up to clean up. And she is working full time right now and can't do it in the dark. Ugh. Happy thoughts and hugs to all that need one!

re the lime (lye?) use to deter the dog, I'd research that more. Isn't that what they toss into graves and mass burial pits. Sounds corrosive.

[Happyfatchick]

re the lime (lye?) use to deter the dog, I'd research that more. Isn't that what they toss into graves and mass burial pits. Sounds corrosive.

Is lime and lye the same thing?  I didn't think so, but I'll look.  Honestly, the only thing I really know about lime is that we put it in yards in Georgia to help balance the pH from the pine trees (so I've heard, that's just what I was told and I never actually "looked"!).  And also (seriously), my Amish relatives kept big brown bags of lime in the outhouses.  (We currently have a brown bag of lime in an outhouse at some property my husband's family owns on a river!)   They (we) kept a little plastic cup in the bag.  You dumped a cup of lime in the hole after you went.  (Yuck!!)  I know that if I get lime on my hands, it doesn't frighten me (or harm me), it's a very fine white powder.  Seems to be benign, and not corrosive.  I'll say this - in outhouses with any age on them, it doesn't really help the smell much!

 

From wiki:

Agricultural lime, also called aglime, Biolime, agricultural limestone, garden lime or liming, is a soil additive made from pulverized limestone or chalk. The primary active component is calcium carbonate. Additional chemicals vary depending on the mineral source and may include calcium oxide, magnesium oxide and magnesium carbonate.

A lye is a liquid obtained by leaching ashes (containing largely potassium carbonate or "potash"), or a strong alkali which is highly soluble in water producing caustic basic solutions. "Lye" is commonly the alternative name of sodium hydroxide (NaOH) or historically potassium hydroxide (KOH).

 

So apparently, lime and lye are not one-and-the-same.  I don't know that I've ever seen "lye" but I remember my mother talking about lye soap.  I gathered it was some seriously strong stuff.  But thanks for making me look, I should have checked before recommending!

[Almost 3000]

Thanks for checking HFC. It just sounded odd to me. But its use in an out house makes sense for that suggestion.

Edited August 13, 2015 by Almost 3000

[Love2dance]

p.s. Thursday is my birthday, so get ready. Don't tell me ahead of time, it won't count. (I'm weird that way). We're having a virtual party based on the motto: it's 5:00 somewhere!!!

 

Happy Birthday, HAPPYFATCHICK. Hope you have an amazing day and year.  Toasting you with a virtual frozen margarita with salt.

[Micks Picks]

Was almost everybody born from the 11th to the 15th of August?  Ug, one on the 22nd.  My family and friends are all Leos.  Have to deliver a card to my so-called sister's house Thursday the 13th.  Couldn't bring myself to do it earlier and get it in the mail, which would have been easier, but it's like the thought of her burns me.  Also have a call to make to a friend, and took care of my 12th duties on the day.  Funny how things go like that.  Here's hoping Mrs Poison person wont' be home and I can slip in under the mat.  Happy birthday to all the rest of you.

[amitville]

Happy Birthday Happyfatchick ,  hoping all your birthday wishes come true. You are an amazing poster and bring a smile to everyone  To all the Lefties out there Happy Left Hand Day.

Edited August 13, 2015 by amitville

[NEGirl]

HappyFatChick - Happy Birthday ! Have a wonderful day!

[Barb23]

Happy  birthday, HFC!

 

Wok Chop, I swear this is true: I have now three times started writing a post about your interview, and managed to somehow fumble-finger the keyboard so that the screen flipped to another page and I lost the draft. No kidding. In the meantime, others have given you great tips and insights. Much better stuff than I could have ever said. I'm marching with the "Don't Tell Them About Your Past Medical Stuff" band here. I'm wishing you all the best!

I'm glad to learn I'm not the only one who loses posts by hitting the wrong button on my tablet.

HFC- Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day!