S03.E01: Instafight

[OnceSane]

Season 3 opens with Stassi returning from New York to discover relationship dynamics have changed. Meanwhile, Jax prepares for plastic surgery; Scheana organizes the quintessential birthday party; and Tom starts a romance with Ariana.

[ExplainItAgain]

That sounds....magical. Bring on the snark!

[turbogirlnyc]

 

Season 3 opens with Stassi returning from New York to discover relationship dynamics have changed. Meanwhile, Jax prepares for plastic surgery; Scheana organizes the quintessential birthday party; and Tom starts a romance with Ariana.

 

 

I thought Tom and Ariana were together during last season's reunion.

[psychoticstate]

That sounds....magical. Bring on the snark!

Truth.  I am giddy with excitement over the return of StASSi, Jax, his Chunky Sweater and Flat Iron.  I'm not sure what that says about me but I will be parked in front of my tv at 9.

[peachmangosteen]

I had no idea this was coming back and saw it on my Tivo today and nearly cried tears of joy!

[sorrynotsorry]

I had no idea this was coming back and saw it on my Tivo today and nearly cried tears of joy!

Me too! I didn`t realize how fun all these assholes are. Rewatching last years reunion. Super fun

[fliptopbox]

I admit it. I am totally psyched for a new season of this cray-cray. I am also loving the repeat of the reunion from last year and Kristin's inability to tolerate FI Tom dating Ariana. If the cameras weren't there she'd have stabbed some bitches.

[helloagain]

It's back!  Yaaaayyyy!!  Oh how I have missed calling Tom Sandoval FI Tom!

[ChickenLatte99]

How much do they get paid?? Jax is driving around in that truck. He seems like a douche that would have a BMW.

[Jennifersdc]

It's the busboy! The busboy!

I'm giddy like a Catholic schoolgirl.....

[Betweenyouandme]

In the opening, Lisa now tosses a scarf.

And, so, Tom shaves his forehead. Tips from Caroline Manzo?

[Jennifersdc]

Why does Stassi look like somebody's mom?

[fliptopbox]

Muhahahahaha FI Tom can still throw down.

 

Living in NYC didn't seem to improve Stassi's fashion sense. What the hell was that white blazer ensemble?

Edited November 4, 2014 by fliptopbox

[Chrissytd]

Busboy is definitely a step down from FI Tom. That new title card threw me for a loop.

[Persnickety1]

Oh good goddess, I caught the last 10 minutes on a break and....

 

WOW.

 

It looks like it's going to be another brilliant season filled with snark and angst and cheating and stalking and betrayal and poor fashion choices and possible herpetic infections all around. 

 

It's like Christmas, Hannukah, my birthday, and Thanksgiving all rolled into one.  

 

So glad this tawdry little gem is back.  Oh, VPR, how I have missed your meaningless existence and the limitless snark you bring.  

 

Thank you, Bravo, thank you...This will almost make me forgive you for foisting Manzo'd with Assholes onto me.

 

*sniffle, sniffle

[portfino]

Busboy is brutal. What a gossipy jerk and worse he's taking precious airtime away from more important people. I hope FI Tom breaks his jaw.

 

Decent start to the season, particularly given that you had to catch up with where everyone is. 

[HunterHunted]

I thought the busboy was really unfortunate looking last season. Now that I've seen him, he's better looking than I thought, but douche enough for Kristen. They are a perfectly matched pair.

I love that Lisa shut down Stassi's idiotic argument that Stassi only hangs out with evolved civilized mature adults. I loved how Lisa was all "your friends still live in the same crappy apartments and have the same crappy jobs and are no different from Kristen."

I love that Jax's new girl was asking him if he cheated recently. No one trusts him not trip and have his dick wind up someplace strange.

[Betweenyouandme]

I thought the busboy was really unfortunate looking last season. Now that I've seen him, he's better looking than I thought, but douche enough for Kristen. They are a perfectly matched pair.

I love that Lisa shut down Stassi's idiotic argument that Stassi only hangs out with evolved civilized mature adults. I loved how Lisa was all "your friends still live in the same crappy apartments and have the same crappy jobs and are no different from Kristen."

I love that Jax's new girl was asking him if he cheated recently. No one trusts him not trip and have his dick wind up someplace strange.

I f'loved it when Lisa said, "have a hobby when you're wealthy. Right now, you need a job." Stassi stopped for a minute but not long enough to be rude to Queen Lisa.

I truly don't enjoy Stassi's personality. If she were talking to anyone but Lisa, Stassi would have started an argument and ended it with her famous, "you need to think about that."

[Ubiquitous]

I thought I had accidentally tuned into a rerun when I saw FI Tom and Kristen bickering about whatever they always bicker and cry about.

[BogoGog24]

I like Jiggy better than all of these people combined.

 

Kristen is officially a sociopath. 

 

That is all.

[fliptopbox]

Ick. I am rewatching this episode and the scene where it's Kristen, Busboy, Scheana, and Shay in a bar and they are talking about FI Tom cheating....Busboy seemed to be enjoying the scandal even more than Kristen was. He was like, leaning forward and his face was all sorts of lit-up in this creepy gleeful way. He's a scary douchebag. No wonder he likes Kristen! Anyone else notice this? Those two are the dream team of sleaze.

[Persnickety1]

I thought I had accidentally tuned into a rerun when I saw FI Tom and Kristen bickering about whatever they always bicker and cry about.

 

I wouldn't be a single bit surprised if they get back together.  They both still have way too much interest in each other's activities.  

 

 

Ick. I am rewatching this episode and the scene where it's Kristen, Busboy, Scheana, and Shay in a bar and they are talking about FI Tom cheating....Busboy seemed to be enjoying the scandal even more than Kristen was. He was like, leaning forward and his face was all sorts of lit-up in this creepy gleeful way. He's a scary douchebag. No wonder he likes Kristen! Anyone else notice this? Those two are the dream team of sleaze.

 

"The Sleaze Team"

 

I can't wait to see what the ratings were like for the premiere.  

[Teddybear]

When did Jax get a lisp?  

 

I'm glad to see Katie dyed her hair back to brown.  

 

If Stassi has a fashion blog, she may want to rethink that "nurse chic" outfit.  

[yourmomiseasy]

Ick. I am rewatching this episode and the scene where it's Kristen, Busboy, Scheana, and Shay in a bar and they are talking about FI Tom cheating....Busboy seemed to be enjoying the scandal even more than Kristen was. He was like, leaning forward and his face was all sorts of lit-up in this creepy gleeful way. He's a scary douchebag. No wonder he likes Kristen! Anyone else notice this? Those two are the dream team of sleaze.

 

It was totally creepy how excited and gleeful they were, especially him. 

 

It's taken me a few seasons to realize it, but Katie's face is really unfortunate and Igor-like.

[ScoobieDoobs]

I kinda luved Lisa's remark to Jax that he'd look like a grandpa next to the bartenders she has in Pump.  So did Jax get a nose job?  Saw an interview with him & he doesn't look different.

 

http://www.etonline.com/tv/153377_vanderpump_rules_star_jax_taylor_talks_explosive_third_season/index.html

 

Looks like he's making an effort to look less greasy.  Nice to see he's still a slimeball.  Is it just me or is Jax lookin' thicker & so much older?  He looked like that college girl's father.  Was she his girlfriend?  Creepy as fuck.  

 

Peter needs to lose that greasy ponytail & fugly peach-fuzz 'stache (like a 14 year old kid has).  He might be an attractive guy with a decent haircut & a clean shave.  But sheesh -- that doofus voice kills it for me.

 

James da busboy is an arrogant, snotty little jerk, ain't he?  Er, btw, how in the fuckety fuck can a 22 year old busboy afford a BMW?  Er, huh???

 

I'm thinkin' Kristen has a type & she's just stickin' to it.  She likes those bisexual boys, eh?  Did Flat Iron Tom & Busboy James get into a fight or were they humping?  I'm thinkin' these 2 are really boyfriends.  Er, Kristen & Ariana might wanna try straight dudes.  Might be an interesting change for Kristen.

 

Wow, no more orange Katie.  Man, Katie is such a fuckin' drunkety drunk loser.  The only thing that maybe -- just maybe -- makes her not a loser is that adorable Tom Schwartz still wants to stick by her.  Why oh why, Tom?  And btw, just what is it you do for a living, Tom?  That seems to be quite a mystery.

 

Stassi was a snooze in this ep.  Me thinks she's just gettin' revved up.  I never believed for a second she was gonna leave this show.  No fuckin' way, baby.  Haven't bothered to look up if Stassi is still with her asshole boyfriend, but he has a horrible rep with women here in NYC.

 

Hate to say it, but Scheana actually looks pretty good.  She's not wearing the kinda ridiculous shit she wore last season.  What up?  We're gonna see a tasteful Scheana now?  Oy.  Suppressing chuckles & giggles.  Ugh, will she be singing?  I think my ears are startin' to bleed just at the mere thought  . . .

Edited November 4, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[Ubiquitous]

Ick. I am rewatching this episode and the scene where it's Kristen, Busboy, Scheana, and Shay in a bar and they are talking about FI Tom cheating....Busboy seemed to be enjoying the scandal even more than Kristen was. He was like, leaning forward and his face was all sorts of lit-up in this creepy gleeful way. He's a scary douchebag. No wonder he likes Kristen! Anyone else notice this? Those two are the dream team of sleaze.

Is the Busboy the guy with the (Aussie?) accent who looked much younger (at least a decade?) than those alleged 20-somethings who was mentioned during last season;s reunion?

 

I wouldn't be a single bit surprised if they get back together.  They both still have way too much interest in each other's activities.  

Oh gawd, that means FI-TOM and the Busboy will start humping, err, get into a fight over Kristen at some point.

[ScoobieDoobs]

Just when I gave up on Bravo cuz I despise Atlanta & Jersey & I hate cooking shit & refuse to watch that boat show with all those morons, this comes back & now I'm hooked again on Bravo.  OMG, I totally hate your guts, Andy Cohen.

 

There's a shot in the previews of FI Tom's hair looking really horrible.  Could Kristen have taken away his flat iron?  Couldn't he just get another one?  So many questions & no answers.  Oh I am so hooked.  I'm in for the season.

 

Btw, luved that shot of Lisa walking like Carol Burnett's Mrs. Wiggins.  Is Lisa about 86 by now or what?

Edited November 4, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[ScoobieDoobs]

The previews really got me.  Stassi spewing tons & tons & tons of hate & vitriol like Linda Blair spittin' up pea soup in The Exorcist?  Love it!  Oh, dat's just another day in the life for me here in NYC.  Gives me a chuckle & warms my heart.  Living here musta had an awesome effect on our gal Stass.

 

Was looking in the previews for the herpes sores on Jax.  Coulda sworn I saw a bazillion crabs jumpin' offa him.

Edited November 4, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[helloagain]

So I am the only one that doesn't buy that James is only 22, huh? I would swear that he was closer to 30. I already do not like him. He definitely was more in to the FI Tom cheating on Ariana convo than Kristen was! It looks to me that he is trying to hard (to be part of the drama for the show so he'll be around for S4).

Katie looks better.

I wonder if Jax still has the Stassi tat.

FI Tom shaving his forehead! The f&ck?

Did anyone notice how many people are now in the group shot in the opening credits? Even Ken is in it!

Somhappy this is back and I'm not even ashamed to say it.

[Rottiemommie]

I wonder if Jax still has the Stassi tat.

 

  No idea but I did notice that he has one that says "Carmen" and until they introduced her I wondered who Carmen was.

 

I think our drinking game for this wonderful show last night should have been to take a shot every time one of those fucktards said "social media".  WTH? I mean, do people really use that term regularly? I would think they would just say Instagram or Facebook or whatever but then again this is VPR so maybe they think saying "social media" is the cool thing to do.

 

And Yay!! to another season of Tom and his flat iron, Katie and her drunken crying, and Kristen who makes me glad my tv doesn't have a smell-o-vision feature.

 

That's all I've got for now until I get home from work and can watch again to see what else I missed.

 

[ExplainItAgain]

I think Jax still has the tattoo - you could see it in his opening when he was working out. He did sound really stuffed up and nasally so I hope at least his nose job makes him feel better. 

 

Katie is soooooo boring. Stassi does look like someone's mother. And bitch, please. Don't be acting all above this group when you clearly came back to LA for the show. Where's her boyfriend? Why isn't she living with him instead of Katie & Tom?

 

Scheana doesn't look too bad when she's not overly made up. But seriously, mink eyelashes?

 

Kristen and James....where oh where do I start. You all are correct that James is waaaaay too into the Tom/Miami story. Gleeful. Me thinks he is just dating Kristen to be on the show, get some DJ gigs, etc. Young and dumb thinking she's his ticket to fame. Kristen is so weirdly obsessed with Tom & Ariana, but I kind of believe her that she doesn't want Tom back. I think she just doesn't want Ariana to have him.

 

And speaking of Ariana, girlfriend should check a mirror. What are those awful braids she's always wearing? She wore them last year too. They look terrible pulled up to her forehead like that. Also, Tom's a cheater and there's no way Ariana should be trusting him.

 

It's like bizarro VR when Jax seems like the voice of reason the whole show.

 

EDIT to say the instagram fight was kinda funny. And it looks like Tom S. was promoted to the show credits.

Edited November 4, 2014 by ExplainItAgain

[Chrissytd]

Re: Jax's nose job. His nose looks wider on the sides. I thought wider noses were considered aesthetically unpleasant. He looks more haggard with it.

On WWHL, Scheana and Kristen said they get Botox regularly. Aren't they in their 20s.?

Edited November 4, 2014 by Chrissytd

[psychoticstate]

Busboy has a BMW?  Clearly I have made the wrong choices in life.

 

So Jax has a deviated septum.  Is there anyone in Hollywood/Bev Hills that doesn't? 

 

StASSi's shorter hair looks good.  Unfortunately her personality is still shitty.

 

I believe that Flat Iron was shown shaving his forehead last season or first season.  I was not surprised. 

 

Ariana needs makeup.  Always.

 

Katie needs to step it up.  You're being outshined by the freaking Busboy, girl.

 

Kristen is straight up delusional.  She and Flat Iron are so getting back together at some point.  Maybe she should consider dating someone that actually doesn't work at SUR.  Just saying.  I still laugh at her being all indignant that Ariana was supposedly screwing around with Flat Iron while FI was Kristen's boyfriend because Kristen conveniently forgets that she was screwing around with Jax and his chunky sweater while FI was her boyfriend.  Bygones!

 

God, I love Tom Schwartz.  He is the cutest.  Clearly there is something wrong with him since he is working at SUR and friends with these fuckwits. 

 

Thank you, Bravo and Baby Jesus for bringing this show back.  My life would be perfect if this aired daily.

[Rottiemommie]

One more thing:  does anyone really believe that Stassi would be staying with Katie and Tom if she has moved back to L.A.? Umm..no.  Princess Stassi would surely have her own place.  Unless she hasn't really moved back and is only there to film the show.  Methinks this is the case.  How much do you want to bet that come the end of the season her boyfriend magically gets "transferred" back to NYC again.

[Betweenyouandme]

Re Scheana's mink lashes, I hate to sound bratty. However, mink lashes are better quality but they are actually thinner. So, people with these would typically look more natural than they would with silk or synthtic. However, she probably adds a lot of mascara and might get the longer ones or more than one glued per eyelash. Point being, I think her wearing mink lashes is actually less ridiculous than other options or aspects of the eyelash situation.

[sugarbaker design]

New to the thread, what does the FI mean in FI Tom?  Fucking idiot?  Friggin' imbecile? 

[Watermelon]

So in what world do you find out your girlfriend is stalking her Ex's hookups on IG and somehow all you care about is the gossip, instead of the fact that your girlfriend is clearly obsessed?

 

Stupid busboy.

[turbogirlnyc]

New to the thread, what does the FI mean in FI Tom?  Fucking idiot?  Friggin' imbecile? 

 

Flat Iron Tom. He flat irons his hair.

[Teddybear]

 

New to the thread, what does the FI mean in FI Tom?  Fucking idiot?  Friggin' imbecile?

While those are indeed excellent choices, FI stands for "flat iron" for his incessant use of the flat iron.  I remember once when he and Kristen got in one of their thousands of fights, she walked out and slammed the door, and he immediately went to the bathroom to flat iron his hair.  

[psychoticstate]

While those are indeed excellent choices, FI stands for "flat iron" for his incessant use of the flat iron.  I remember once when he and Kristen got in one of their thousands of fights, she walked out and slammed the door, and he immediately went to the bathroom to flat iron his hair.  

 

I personally love that Tom's way of dealing with stressful situations is to flat iron his hair.  Unless of course we're talking about banging Jax and then a punch to the forehead is acceptable (and encouraged!)  Oh, and ripping shirts off to fight on the Vegas streets. 

 

God, I love this mess.

[Jennifersdc]

Is it just me or was the sun shining a little brighter and the birds chirping a little more happily when I woke up this morning?

It's just a better world with Vanderpump Rules in it.

[snarts]

Love that Stassi's back.  Can you even imagine how boring it would be without her?  Sounds like she and her BF did relocate from NY so it's likely she was staying with Katie when filming started.  Katie is such a dullard when sober but she does have the hottest BF.

 

Kristin is delusional.  I get bringing the drama, but when it makes you look crazy, it might be time to dial it back a bit.   Love the editing where she describes how happy she is with the busboy then immediately pulls Sheana aside to share all the dirt she dug up on Tom.  Yeah, that looks like happiness to me.

 

Another kudos to the editors, kicking off the season with a shirtless Jax and his douchy workout was a perfect way to welcome us back.  

[Suck It Trebek]

Scheana's phone case was a pic of her and her fiancé. Maybe I'm just to old to "get" that.

[Jennifersdc]

Put me down for the big reveal this season being FI Tom banging the busboy...in Kristen's bed, but with FI Tom's rubbers.

[Ubiquitous]

I think our drinking game for this wonderful show last night should have been to take a shot every time one of those fucktards said "social media".  WTH? I mean, do people really use that term regularly? I would think they would just say Instagram or Facebook or whatever but then again this is VPR so maybe they think saying "social media" is the cool thing to do.

I suspect several reps from the individual "social media" dropped by nd threatened them if this show besmirched their good names.

 

Re Scheana's mink lashes, I hate to sound bratty. However, mink lashes are better quality but they are actually thinner. So, people with these would typically look more natural than they would with silk or synthtic. However, she probably adds a lot of mascara and might get the longer ones or more than one glued per eyelash. Point being, I think her wearing mink lashes is actually less ridiculous than other options or aspects of the eyelash situation.

Hee hee, I keep imagining Schemer walking around and batting her eyes with these little mink stoles on her eyelids.

 

New to the thread, what does the FI mean in FI Tom?  Fucking idiot?  Friggin' imbecile? 

 As was said earlier, Tom Flat-Irons his hair. Obsessively.

Edited November 4, 2014 by Ubiquitous

[BloggerAloud]

I loved how seemingly disappointed Scheana was in Ariana's non-reaction to her gossip, especially since she coupled it with always talking about how Ariana is her best friend but she's dragging her onto camera to talk about this stuff.

[turbogirlnyc]

A post above mentioned Tom S. (Katie's BF) working at Sur. From what I recall of Katie and Lisa's chat, Tom S. was hired to work at Pump. It looks like he's playing a bigger role this season which is awesome! The clip of what's happening this season showed Katie accusing Tom S. of cheating but not the context of their conversation. Perhaps it will never be shown at all knowing the Bravo editing monkeys. Tom S. was a favorite, if not the favorite of mine last season. He came across to me as the "younger" voice of reason.

 

I agree that Ariana's braids do her no favors. That said, I see it as part of her personality. She doesn't seem too concerned about what others think and that's why I like her. It was interesting to hear Scheana say "you know how well FI Tom lies" or something to that affect. I personally think the Ariana and Tom romance is strictly producer driven. On WWHL, Scheana said she picks a side between Ariana and Kristen by the end of the season. Since her and Kristen looked friendly on WWHL, I'm not sure she sided with her BF, Ariana.

 

Stassi's wardrobe choices and hair color make her look older, in my opinion. Maybe that's what she's going for? I'd love to see her NY boyfriend. He's probably older than Stassi and smart enough to avoid Bravo cameras like the plague.

 

On this show Jax is supposedly 33-35. Most men that age go for women in their 20's, right? I wouldn't call the blonde he's dating  Stassi #2 but she's pretty and appears more mature than the other women he's around. I'm not surprised Jax drives an older truck. It seems plastic surgery and tatoos rank higher than vehicles on his list of priorities. I'm no fan of Jax but he has the right to choose what's more important to him. Even if it's illogical.

 

Last night on WWHL, Scheana and Kristen freely admitted they get Botox injections. A caller asked if Kristen had work done since last season and she claimed it was Botox. Andy said, "really?" as in that's it? Andy said her nose looked different (and I agree) and Kristen claimed it was her makeup artists' awesome contouring abilties. Bwahaha! That's what they all say these days.

Edited November 4, 2014 by turbogirlnyc

[ExplainItAgain]

Yeah, Scheana was itching to start a fight. "But look at these selfies..." "I want you to read these texts..." She was really trying to stir everybody up. FI Tom finally had to take it in his hands by approaching Kristen.

[ScoobieDoobs]

It looks to me that he is trying to hard (to be part of the drama for the show so he'll be around for S4).

 

Well, Busboy James has to keep the repo men away from his Beemer, right?  Btw, just what year is dat Beemer?  1984?

 

On this show Jax is supposedly 33-35.

 

When the show first started, both Jax & Stassi said he was 10 years older than her.  Stass is 26, so Jax is 36 -- supposedly.  I wouldn't be surprised if he's at least a year or 2 older than that.  My guess is Jax is now probably around 37 or 38.

 

As was said earlier, Tom Flat-Irons his hair. Obsessively.

 

And he shaves his forehead.  Please lets not forget that.  We luvs him for being the only male on the planet to not only admit to shaving his forehead & flat ironing his hair, but being proud of it.  Sure, FI Tom is a loon, but he's a harmless one.  OK, he's a cheater too.  But kind of a harmless cheater.  He only does it once in a while, and in far away places like Miami or Vegas -- but with skanks tho.  Maybe he thinks it kinda feels better to be cheated on with skanks.  See, FI Tom is a thoughtful cheater.  Hope FI Tom uses condoms with those skanks.

 

Stassi's wardrobe choices and hair color make her look older, in my opinion.

 

Poor Stassi is lookin' now like a suburban mom/grandma.  She's gotta be real angry bout not lookin' young or hot anymore.  YAY!  An angry Stassi is fun!

Edited November 4, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs

[ScoobieDoobs]

A post above mentioned Tom S. (Katie's BF) working at Sur. From what I recall of Katie and Lisa's chat, Tom S. was hired to work at Pump.

 

Really?  I thought he had an interview with Lisa last season & while she liked him (who wouldn't?), she didn't hire him cuz she didn't think it was a good idea to have him around Katie.  Hiring him for Pump is a great idea.  He's so adorable everybody's gonna fall in luv with him as I have.  OK, I admit it, I'm totally in luv with Tom Schwartz.  And he has my permission to cheat on loser Katie like cra-zazy.  I luv the scenes with Jax & Tom Schwartz.  Jax looks so fuckin' old now, he looks like Tom's grandpa.

 

A caller asked if Kristen had work done since last season and she claimed it was Botox. Andy said, "really?" as in that's all it is? Andy said her nose looked different (and I agree) and Kristen claimed it was her makeup artists' contouring. Bwahaha! That's what they all say these days.

 

The funny thing is, I watched WWHL before I saw the show, so I purposely looked at Kristen's schnoz in profile & she had a huge fuckin' hook nose.  So yeah, she def had a nose job.  Makeup profiling?  What a typically lameass thing for her to say.  Ugh, I so fuckin' hate her & her loony smugness.  And Scheana not knowing if she was wearing fake eyelashes -- er, WTF???  How could she not know she's wearing fake eyelashes?  STFU, Scheana.

Edited November 4, 2014 by ScoobieDoobs