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Quotes, GIFs, JPGs, and more: "There's a binder? Why didn't you lead with that, you idiot?"


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Rosa: Where were you? This is chaos! Gina's been filing evidence by perp hotness.

Boyle: It's my ex-wife Eleanor's engagement party. I can't go alone - I'm worried it might seem a little pathetic.

Rosa: Yeah. If only you could've gone with your sister.

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Boyle: It's my ex-wife Eleanor's engagement party. I can't go alone - I'm worried it might seem a little pathetic.

Rosa: Yeah. If only you could've gone with your sister.

Rosa is the only character I dislike (she reminds me of Nelson/The Simpsons), but this line made me laugh.
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The initial vasectomy conversation.

Terry: "Thanks, guys, that's enough, I don't need any more input."

Rosa: "Neither does your wife, I guess." [she and Jake high-five.]

Jake: "Look, you guys, if the sergeant wants to chop off his penis, that is his choice."

Terry: "That's not what a vasectomy is! If you guys don't get back to work, I'm gonna start firing detectives."

Amy [from across the room]: "And blanks! ... sorry, I just never think of jokes."

Terry: "Anybody else? This is your last chance."

Gina: "God, no need to be so testes."

Rosa: "Guess you won't be manning the tip line."

Boyle: "Sergeant, is this gonna go on your spermanent record?"

Jake: "Now playing: Scrotal Recall!"

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As with most comedies with stellar casts, it's all in the delivery, but I was just rewatching Unsolvable and somehow love when Jake's like "Cool motive! Still murder..." 

 

I also love:

 

Boyle: “I know. But Vivian needs to make this move for her career. And I’m excited to go. I mean, suburban Ottawa’s great. It was everything Brooklyn does.”
Peralta: “Really?”
Boyle: “Yes. Other than my job and my friends and my family, you, interesting people, museums, restaurants and every other reason that I have to live.”

 

Holt: “A real leader doesn’t zap people when they mess up. They teach them how to fix the problem. I think you’re a leader. So act like one.”

Diaz: “I’ll try. I’m sorry.”
Holt: “Please, Diaz. No need to make a scene.” 

 

...and, you know, pretty much everything Holt says and does and nearly everything Amy says and does and... :) 

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Gina:  "No, Charles, just because we have SECRET, SHAMEFUL sex, does not mean we are friends."

 

Boyle:  "Forget friends. let's go as bone bros."

 

Gina:  "Ewww" *slap* "I didn't strike you when you said 'knocking boots' but bone bros? I cannot abide."

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Jake: I don't have feelings for Amy any more, so. Time for me to get out there and spread my wings...

Boyle: ...legs

Jake: Get out there and spread my legs?

Boyle: Well, either way...

Jake: No! Not either way. Only wings.

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Peralta: Three hours with no Holt or Terry? Do you know what that means?

Boyle: Makeovers?

 

Gina (to Boyle): I'll see you tonight at my place? God, I hate you. Don't be late.

Edited by DXD526
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Jake giving out code names: ...Amy, the Hall Monitor.

Amy: Yeeeeeaaaaah. Suck it!

Jake: Scully and Hitchcock, I'm just going to call you your real name so you don't get confused.

Hitchcock: Smart.

Scully: What?

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Jake: You know how I'm kind of a sexy bad boy who rides motorcycles into work and is always breaking rules in the name of justice?

Amy: I don't like where this is going.

Holt: Is that a promise or just another lollipop no one's ever going to lick?

Jake: Let's see. Terry wants to send his twins to private school but on his salary that's difficult.

Holt: Mm.

Jake: Plus, with twins one of them is always evil. So. It's Cagney.

Holt: I've heard enough! Please return your guest pajamas, your guest toothbrush, and guest slippers and get out of here.

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From S02.E09: The Road Trip -- A very "New York" joke... 

 

Diaz is sick but doesn't want to acknowledge it.  Terry takes it upon himself to do something.

 

Terry: "At least let me buy you some Matzo Ball soup.  It's very soothing... you know what, I'm gonna go to the Deli anyway.  Terry loves Kreplach!"

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From Beach House -

 

Six drink Amy: So, Gina, you saw your sasquatch. Was it everything you dreamt it would be?

Gina: Oh, Six Drink Amy, it's what dreamts are made of.

 

I may not have gotten the exact wording, but I missed Gina's line the first time I watched the episode. When I rewatched, it cracked me up.

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Holt: Both of you requested to have this Saturday off but I need one of you to work.
Scully: Oh, I can take that shift.
Holt: The last time you worked a Saturday, you watched cartoons the entire time.
Scully: Well that's when they're on.

Gina: I hate the ocean. That's where that stuck up bitch Rose let Leo die. There was plenty of room on that door.

Holt: On your personality test, you said your favorite shape was a square and yet now when you're given a choice between round cookies and square blondies, you opt for the cookie. You opt for the circle.
Gina: Yes, but it's not about shapes. I'm choosing a cookie over a blondie. I'm whimsical but I'm not a lunatic.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade
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Holt: Are your bosoms… tender?

Rosa: I'm going to pretend you didn't ask me that.

Holt: Are your senses… heightened?

Rosa: I said I think I'm pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider.

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Not new, but I just remembered it today:

 

Diaz (to Santiago): Why so excited?

Gina: Did you make the cover of Hair-Pulled-Back Magazine?

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Holt: Amy says we should start dinner without her. Then she writes whatevs colon hyphen close parentheses.

 

Any time Holt uses his cellphone it's awesome.

 

Holt: I don't always understand Peralta's texts. He says they're still waiting on the lab and 'its allz good,' allz with a z, then a box with a question mark inside, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, and yet another box with a question mark, then a box with a question mark. What does that mean?

 

Terry: It means you don't have emojis on your phone.

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(edited)

Boyle: I know you don't like anyone wishing you a happy birthday so crappy day to you.
Rosa: Still too much.
Boyle: I assume you're not doing anything to celebrate tonight.
Rosa: Anyone over the age of six celebrating a birthday should go to hell.

Holt: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
Wuntch: Calling me the devil? How original, Raymond.
Holt: Actually I was calling you a goat, you goat.

Rosa: I'm still super mad at you.
Boyle: Like how you're still super mad at Gilmore Girls for how the finale went down?
Rosa: I just want to see Lorelei happy.

Boyle: Happy bday, Ro Ro!

Wuntch: I'm going to ship [Peralta] off to Staten Island. Hope he likes breaking up tanning salon fistfights.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
Fixed wonky spacing after forum upgrade
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Rosa: I just want to see Lorelei happy.

I'm still reeling from the revelation that Rosa watched Gilmore Girls.

 

"This is a work function!" has become the funniest thing I can think of, which no one would understand out of context.

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Any time Holt uses his cellphone it's awesome.

 

Holt: I don't always understand Peralta's texts. He says they're still waiting on the lab and 'its allz good,' allz with a z, then a box with a question mark inside, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, another box with a question mark, and yet another box with a question mark, then a box with a question mark. What does that mean?

 

Terry: It means you don't have emojis on your phone.

 

I really hope someone writes a thesis someday on why this joke is perfect.

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