S05.E16: Tell All Part 1

[AZChristian]

10 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

His voice is so.....creepy.  He thinks it is calm and soothing but it just stalker-ish to me.  I can hear him talking calmly to his girlfriend victim as he ties her up and loads her into his white van to dump her body somewhere.

It puts the lotion on its skin . . . 

[Mrs. Hanson]

10 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

It puts the lotion on its skin . . . 

PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!

[Persnickety1]

Colt is like that really weird co-worker, the big awkward creeper whose polyester pants rub together at the thighs and you can hear him approaching your cubicle to say hello....

So you quickly hop up and head to the restroom to avoid any unwanted social interaction with him.

Reminds me of that dude from Spiral.  😳

Edited October 1, 2020 by Persnickety1

[magemaud]

I get a Norman Bates vibe from Colt. If we never saw both him and Debbie together...

[Mrs. Hanson]

47 minutes ago, Persnickety1 said:

Colt is like that really weird co-worker, the big awkward creeper whose polyester pants rub together at the thighs and you can hear him approaching your cubicle to say hello....

Yes, and he will interject himself into a conversation in a really awkwards way........

Oh, Coltee.....

[1011101010001]

13 minutes ago, magemaud said:

I get a Norman Bates vibe from Colt. If we never saw both him and Debbie together...

If those cats start showing up as taxidermy.  Come to think of it that time when the police broke down the door Larissa was locked in the shower.

[RealReality]

4 hours ago, Persnickety1 said:

Colt is like that really weird co-worker, the big awkward creeper whose polyester pants rub together at the thighs and you can hear him approaching your cubicle to say hello....

So you quickly hop up and head to the restroom to avoid any unwanted social interaction with him.

Reminds me of that dude from Spiral.  😳

Nice try, but he's the type to catch you on the way out.  

[RealReality]

3 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Yes, and he will interject himself into a conversation in a really awkwards way........

Oh, Coltee.....

Ha ha, we had a guy at my job who was a total conversation killer.

There would be like three or four of us talking and laughing, and he'd always interject to tell us how whatever we were talking about, he did it better.  If you were talking about a cake you baked this weekend, he would launch into a story about how he once baked the best cake ever, and it won a contest, and it was so delicious and it cured someone's gangrene and everyone asks for the recipe and someone once told him he should open a bakery and just sell his cake because he could make millions.

Any subject, ANY SUBJECT.  Are you talking about watching Derrick Fisher sink an awesome three pointer against the Bucks?  Oh, thats nothing, he once made a shot from full court, it was amazing, and it was at the end of the game, and he played phenomenally during the entire game, and it was like he was the only guy on the court, but he was so good at basketball he beat out five other guys.  He was so great that someone told him he should have been on a professional team but he was only 5'10, and that was so unfair, because he was so talented.  

Anytime he rounded the corner, all conversation would immediately stop.

[magemaud]

4 hours ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Yes, and he will interject himself into a conversation in a really awkwards way........

He sounds like an Energy Vampire like Colin on "What We Do in the Shadows" 

[RealReality]

On 9/30/2020 at 2:05 PM, Kid said:

I don’t get it.  She was so pretty and had a nice body.  She destroyed what she had.

I don't think she looks terrible, I just think she looks manufactured.  

The giant fake breasts, the thinned out nose....its all such a generic beauty standard that the look is a dime a dozen due to the rise of plastic surgery.

Her natural beauty was much more unique.

 

 

[magemaud]

6 hours ago, RealReality said:

Her natural beauty was much more unique.

I agree, but she doesn’t want to look “you-nee-key”, she wants to look like Kylie Jenner. 

[Neurochick]

Here is what I thought was hysterical.  Larissa saying that Colt has no morals?  Larissa said that Colt has no morals for sending "dick pics," well, what exactly is Larissa doing to make money?  And how long will it be until she's giving bj's to guys on the strip.  

I laugh at Kalani's family complaining about Asuelu, what I wanted to say to them is, "And Kalani married him PERIOD."  Can't blame Asuelu for that, it's not like he held a gun to her head.  Kalani wanted him and now she has to deal with him, PERIOD.  Both families need to STOP being so co-dependent, PERIOD.

I think that Kalani's family is resentful that Kalani didn't marry a white man and they're taking it out on Asuelu.  I mean that's what Kalani's dad said from day one.  

And I think Shaun was too much on Angela's side.  Really?  Angela is trash, she knew damn well that Michael wanted a child and she was 54 and that ship has sailed for her.  Angela just wants an actual slave to boss around in America;

Spoiler

kind of like in "Antebellum"  

 

Edited October 2, 2020 by Neurochick

[Rt66vintage]

On 9/28/2020 at 5:12 AM, RealReality said:

 

Would Colt be a "bear" since he lost all the weight?

I think "bears" are quite hairy, but idk for sure. 

On 10/1/2020 at 11:24 AM, Persnickety1 said:

Colt is like that really weird co-worker, the big awkward creeper whose polyester pants rub together at the thighs and you can hear him approaching your cubicle to say hello....

So you quickly hop up and head to the restroom to avoid any unwanted social interaction with him.

Reminds me of that dude from Spiral.  😳

Also the polyester man wears shirts that are two sizes too small with the buttons straining to burst. Oh wait, we've actually seen that look on Colt in past Tell-Alls.

[magemaud]

Poor Sister Jenn, not only did Chuck not pay for her wedding, he also didn’t pay for her to get braces or surgery for her wonky eye. I wonder if that was part of the missing child support payments. 

[magemaud]

What the hell is he doing? 

[RealReality]

@magemaud -- oh shit!  That eye is lazier than Asuelu!

[StatisticalOutlier]

On 10/2/2020 at 10:31 AM, Neurochick said:

I think that Kalani's family is resentful that Kalani didn't marry a white man and they're taking it out on Asuelu.  I mean that's what Kalani's dad said from day one.  

From what I've seen, I get the feeling that Kalani's dad meant "white man" as a synonym for non-Samoan.

ETA:  I like to think Low might be grokking to some of the more unsavory aspects of Samoan culture.  My recollection is that he wanted to give Asuelu an ass whipping, and didn't only because his wife stopped him.  And now we've seen how Tammy wants to beat up everyone in sight.  And Kalani didn't exactly say, "No, Tammy, that's not how we settle disputes."  No, she was going to kick Tammy's ass. 

I like to think Low is thinking this tendency toward violence maybe isn't a great thing, and he would like it if his daughters marry men whose first instinct is not to beat people up.  Which would lead to a preference for non-Samoans, a/k/a white men.

Edited October 3, 2020 by StatisticalOutlier

[Neurochick]

27 minutes ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

I like to think Low is thinking this tendency toward violence maybe isn't a great thing, and he would like it if his daughters marry men whose first instinct is not to beat people up.  Which would lead to a preference for non-Samoans, a/k/a white men.

I think Low just wants his daughters to marry a white man; I mean he married a white woman, no?

[lilmarysunshine]

On 9/27/2020 at 11:28 PM, hippydoo said:

Thank you. I absolutely despise the breast feeding disgust when they're probably drinking and eating things daily from cow udders. The double standard of Kalani using breasts for their intended purpose being abhorrent and Larissa having her giant fake t*ts out on display being  overlooked is super gross. Moving on... 

You can breastfeed and not have them hanging out all of the time. lol I think Kalani’s look better than Larissa’s because Larissa looks like a blow-up doll. But Kalani does not need them on display to breastfeed. (At least I never did.) 

[Pepper Mostly]

On 9/30/2020 at 12:44 PM, Colfrmb said:

Giving props to Shawn for looking beautiful and sexy without having half her body exposed - and being able to convey a message without lacing it with bad grammar, swear words or screeching.  Take a lesson here, Darcy, Jess, Larissa, Tania, Kalani, Angela, etc.  

Now if only Shawn could learn to rein in her guests and direct the conversation, she'd have a shot at being good at her job. You know, as a television host. She sits there and says "wow" and "what just happened?" with a slightly stunned look. She is gorgeous and ladylike but she sucks at her job. 

[magemaud]

I’ve been on the fence about Shawn as a host, and I’m sure she was told to say this, but when she told Angela she looked “stunning” in her wedding gown, she totally lost credibility with me 

[Boo Boo]

On 9/30/2020 at 5:05 PM, Kid said:

I don’t get it.  She was so pretty and had a nice body.  She destroyed what she had.

I agree. I thought she was very pretty before.  Now she's a blow up doll.  Sadly, there's a market for that.

[Jax7917]

Why is no one at the reunion calling Asuelu’s mom out after she said she doesn’t care about the grandkids , she just wants money . 
Man , I thought I had it bad with my in laws . That family and Libby’s family makes me appreciate the hell out of them . 

Also , Jen’s house looked really nice . That extreme Botox , not so much . 

[Mrs. Hanson]

1 hour ago, Jaclyn88 said:

Also , Jen’s house looked really nice

I agree.  Chuck's kids are the worst kind of offspring:  Sitting around wondering what he has spent on each kid and keeping score. That is so unattractive.  I want Chuck to cut them all off then have a nice dinner for all of them and announce he made his will and everything is going to a charity.  That ought to shake things up!  Not to defend Asuelu, but I travel inside the US with my passprt.  It is just easier to me.  Just a preference, I guess!

[AZChristian]

59 minutes ago, Mrs. Hanson said:

Not to defend Asuelu, but I travel inside the US with my passport.  It is just easier to me.  Just a preference, I guess!

When they made changes in the "what constitutes acceptable ID for travel," Arizona realized that their drivers licenses and state-issued ID cards wouldn't qualify when the changes went into effect.  They have since adapted their licenses - so we all had to get new ones - but I've also been in the habit of using my passport, even for domestic travel.

[1011101010001]

1 hour ago, AZChristian said:

When they made changes in the "what constitutes acceptable ID for travel," Arizona realized that their drivers licenses and state-issued ID cards wouldn't qualify when the changes went into effect.  They have since adapted their licenses - so we all had to get new ones - but I've also been in the habit of using my passport, even for domestic travel.

In Illinois you have the option of getting the Real ID which will allow plane travel or the regular driver’s license if you either have a passport or never need to fly.

[Kath94]

1 hour ago, MrBuhBye said:

In Illinois you have the option of getting the Real ID which will allow plane travel or the regular driver’s license if you either have a passport or never need to fly.

California is the same.  And then they went and screwed up on the documentation required to get a "Real ID" and had to request a secondary ID check by mail.

[Kdawg82]

On 9/28/2020 at 8:14 AM, Grifter Lives said:

One of Kalani's children was tugging at her leg (off-camera) in the opening scene, when she's in the bathroom, getting ready.  She asks him to wait or let Mommy finish.  He may have wanted to be fed.  

Hahaha. I have 3 kids. My son BF'd for just over his first 2 yrs. He's four now and he still comes up to me and wants to touch my armpit. It's just his thing. It's a comfort thing. If he sees me getting changed for bed he'll say "boobies!!!" And want to snuggle into my chest lol While some may be disturbed by it, I guess you have to be a soft mom like me to get it.  He's a tough boy normally but he likes to snuggle in. If I dressed like Kalani, not only would husband be thrilled but little boy might bug me more than usual. I'll say though, he stretches out all my shirts so glad I don't wear expensive stuff lmao

[Johannah]

On 10/5/2020 at 10:08 AM, Mrs. Hanson said:

I agree.  Chuck's kids are the worst kind of offspring:  Sitting around wondering what he has spent on each kid and keeping score. That is so unattractive.  I want Chuck to cut them all off then have a nice dinner for all of them and announce he made his will and everything is going to a charity.  That ought to shake things up!  Not to defend Asuelu, but I travel inside the US with my passprt.  It is just easier to me.  Just a preference, I guess!

I like to picture that same dinner and Chuck telling his kids that he is leaving all his money to his new, best bud and business partner, Andreei.

[Mothra]

Well, it's happened.  I am defeated.  I concede.  I have been a faithful viewer of all the iterations of this show, recording every damn one of them and watching 75% of them.  They have grown so fucking repetitive, showing the same material over and over, now with comments, now with pillow talk and contents, and all about couples I either don't care about or find so repellent that were it not for the repetitions I would hate-watch, that I can no longer watch this show.  I have taken it off my DVR schedule (you think I'm going to watch commercials for Family Chantel?) and I might give it another shot when/if we ever get new casts. 

I won't say I'll miss all of you because I see you all in forums for other shows!

[2dogmom]

I don't know what I watched last night.  a recap of a recap? asuelo and tits were getting along.  is this a repeat? I am so confused, they are commenting on theselves but I don't know if it is recent.  I thought she was done with him and they were divorcing. 

[Baltimore Betty]

1 hour ago, 2dogmom said:

I don't know what I watched last night.  a recap of a recap? asuelo and tits were getting along.  is this a repeat? I am so confused, they are commenting on theselves but I don't know if it is recent.  I thought she was done with him and they were divorcing. 

I was confused as well, she led us to believe she was going to drive him out to a farm in the country and let him out of the car then drive away but nope, she is on the couch with him looking happy.