Judge Judy Speaks: Quotes

[zillabreeze]

Auto correct is NOT my friend either!

[Rick Kitchen]

JJ: Do you take medication?

Litigant: No.

JJ: Maybe you should.

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

One of my favorites is "I had a verbal conversation with the defendant". As opposed to a telepathic conversation? a physical conversation? a spiritual conversation? 

[zillabreeze]

Until watching JJ, everyone I knew drove a car, a truck, or a jeep. The only people I knew that used the term "vehicle" were cops.

Note to morons: more syllables do not make you sound more intelligent.

[designing1]

...and no one just does XYZ, they all "proceed to" do XYZ.

[DoctorK]

and nothing ever happened, it "transpired"

[Rick Kitchen]

Somebody said the other day that they "proceeded to exit their vehicle."  I had to laugh that they sounded like a cop.

[Trini]

One of my favorites is "I had a verbal conversation with the defendant". As opposed to a telepathic conversation? a physical conversation? a spiritual conversation? 

 

I swear in one of the episodes last week a litigant mentioned not only having a "verbal conversation", but also (not?) having "financial money". Whaaa??

[AngelaHunter]

Quote

Somebody said the other day that they "proceeded to exit their vehicle."  I had to laugh that they sounded like a cop.

 

Yes, all the people who can't get out one coherent sentence can trot out those legal terms with ease. "Physical/verbal altercation" "restraining order", "taken into custody", and always "Proceeded to....". I guess those are things they're so used to hearing it's second nature for them.

 

ETA: I forgot about an important one: Incarcerated. They all use that one.

Edited September 28, 2014 by AngelaHunter

[DebbieW]

On or about (insert date of incident here)

[Quof]

I've never heard a litigant say "on or about", however we lawyer folk do say it all the time. The reason?  Because our clients are generally stupid and we can't rely on them to remember the date accurately, so we have to hedge our bets.

[augmentedfourth]

I've never heard a litigant say "on or about", however we lawyer folk do say it all the time. The reason?  Because our clients are generally stupid and we can't rely on them to remember the date accurately, so we have to hedge our bets.

Court reporter/stenographer over here. "On or about" is said so often in legal proceedings (most likely for the reason you mentioned :D), it has its own single-stroke abbreviation - NORB.

 

We joke that "vehicle" is used so often, instead of car, truck, Jeep, etc., that someone mentioned upthread, because you lawyer folk don't want to keep track of whether it was a car, truck, Jeep, etc. that was involved in whatever incident, likely the 12th car accident/personal injury case of your day. ;) (And it also has its own single-stroke abbreviation, which roughly translates to VEEK.)

[AngelaHunter]

Vehicle: On this show, the only pronunciation we hear is "Vee-HICK-le."

Edited September 28, 2014 by AngelaHunter

[how55]

If memory serves, the same one who had a "verbal conversation" and "financial money" also "verbally spoke".

[QuelleC]

The insurance industry often uses the word vehicle too, and if a description is needed when talking to a body shop, insured, claimant, etc it's the year, make and model.   

Edited September 29, 2014 by QuelleC

[WaitForMe]

"I DON'T CARE! "WHO CARES!" Sometimes it irritates me when she screams that out, but most of the time it's warranted.

[Rick Kitchen]

"You know when a teenager is lying?  Their lips move."

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

"You know when a teenager is lying?  Their lips move."

My daughter and son-in-law have three foster children right now and I admit I've told them this multiple times recently. 

 

LMAO at "financial money". Perhaps they live in a "virtual money" world that many JJ litigants do i.e. trading babysitting for a car, letting somebody declare their kid on somebody else's tax return in exchange for rent, co-signing for a car/insurance for a friend in exchange for rides, using IRAs/tax refunds/school loan money to pay somebody else's bail. . . . 

[JBC344]

Seems to me in her experience the "adults" are the liars.  The teenagers don't seem to be any worse.  In some cases they are a lot more truthful and forthcoming than their adult counterparts.

[MrsEVH]

"Did you memorialize it in writing?"

 

"I'm not going to entertain your lawsuit" 

[Linnee]

There's just one attitude in this room, and it's mine.

[BubblingKettle]

JJ:  "How are these texts on paper?  How are they printing these texts?"

 

Byrd:  "HmThey just do."

 

Brilliant, Byrd.

[BubblingKettle]

Litigant: (in a "woe is me" tone) I'm a single mom, and.....

 

JJ: (interrupts) I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE A SINGLE MOM OR A DOUBLE MOM.

[MrsEVH]

I'll now do the Readers Digest version

[QuelleC]

If I had a better body I wouldn't be sitting here I'd be a Playboy model.

[SandyToes]

"She has children?!?!"   (Crystal, the bat-wielding visitor)

 

Would be funnier if not so horrifyingly true.

[khyber]

I was driving down the street and on the radio someone said something about "being a single mom" , I immediately yelled out "I don't care if you're a double mom"!

Its always nice to be able to use my favorite Judy Judyism.

[lovesnark]

"Are you an idiot?!?!" is the go to around here.

[SRTouch]

Ran across this tonight when I had nothing better to do

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=judge+judy+meme+case&client=tablet-android-samsung&prmd=sivn&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&fir=F35nD9RJW4j-sM%3A%2CxOJ6_2F_LFzyPM%2C_%3B8SdWgmXeG-TYnM%3A%2CgCqBn-hsxp8uRM%2C_%3BcdRKEi1tAnIV2M%3A%2CEMOeaqgHPnwZ0M%2C_%3BKK5ahiuYAdBZYM%3A%2Cp2KgV6Q4_z1dMM%2C_%3BSMS0zCs1R7qRhM%3A%2Cdfhdy6dpal_kBM%2C_%3B9BqSWZ6ZMT7I5M%3A%2Cb-2S60mUeKPNMM%2C_%3Be1b_tGmsR3erOM%3A%2CxOJ6_2F_LFzyPM%2C_%3B63cyFtHX1AbdsM%3A%2C-AFbppeybQlYHM%2C_%3BSd_mpl7bPO_MTM%3A%2CBrI2z3mBwzyLwM%2C_%3BVle5bnfYATuY2M%3A%2CCJmqPW04ZRSriM%2C_&usg=__PQHKmTwDwa644sugzMEZMxvVakE%3D&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjrvK_6-szaAhWKPN8KHWc-DggQ7AkINA&biw=1024&bih=768#imgrc=5Y1cCcEhmabgAM:

[iwasish]

On 2/13/2016 at 12:56 AM, lovesnark said:

"Are you an idiot?!?!" is the go to around here.

Or more to the point, “ you sir/madam, are an idiot”

[ChrisInMI80]

Apologies for reviving a dead thread but I just joined and just found this via a Google search.

Some of my all time favorites: 

"You're a moron! In addition to being a thief, you're also a moron!"

"I guarantee you, ON BYRD'S LIFE, that you never gave them any money!" (cue mock outraged look from Byrd) 

"Is that a hard question? I've asked it now three times. My four-year-old grandson could give me an answer to that question, madam!"

"You tell me one bubbe meise, I find everything else you say to me suspect!"

"What a sad story. That's the saddest story I've heard since 'Bambi.'" 

"That's not happening." (informing a litigant that part or all of the case will be dismissed, often after seeing it for the first time)

"In my American educational system, children who are disrupting the class should be plucked out and put in a special school for disruptive children, That's my Blueberry Rule." 

"Don't say stupid things to me. If you say stupid things to me, it presupposes that I am stupid. I don't want anyone to think I'm stupid. Old, maybe; stupid, never."

(Almost singing) "YOU'RE GETTING THE HONDA!!! ... And then I'm going to go do something that I find interesting, because this is not it." 

"I don't care if he drives the car on the property or if he drives the car ON PLUTO!" 

[ChrisInMI80]

"Not 'basically'. It's a filler word. I don't want to hear you say 'basically' again." 

"Stay in school." (after reading a teenager's Email or text message full of grammatical errors and misspellings - in one I recall, the writer had spelled the word "baby" as "babey") 

"You say NO, I say YES. I win. I'm the judge." 

"Your property wasn't 'tooken.' It was TAKEN. There's no such word as 'tooken.'" 

(In one case in which the plaintiff's witness, a teenage girl, claimed to have scored an 89% in her English class but didn't know what "conduct," as in "behavior," meant) "Ohhh, America's lost. America's lost." 

[AngelaHunter]

Welcome, ChrisInMI80! No apologies needed. Threads never die here. :)

 

Not real, but I would pay a lot of money to hear it just once:

 

[Alaska Girl]

" Don't get all your panties in a twist"  I just snorted my drink!

[bumface]

Not the Judge herself, but a plaintiff in a post-case hallterview:

"She [the defendant] would have never known my pants had fallen off had her dog been on a leash."

Actually better without context, I believe.

Edited September 25, 2018 by bumface

[sharifa70]

Judge Judy to plaintiff: “You met him in December and in *February* you opened a joint checking account with him?”

“Yes, Your Honor.”

JJ: “How old are you?”

“27.”

JJ: “I’ve had this program for a very long time. Don’t you ever watch it?”

[AwesomO4000]

I don't think I've seen these yet, but apologize if they are a repeat...

One of my favorites: "Do you see 'stupid' written across my forehead."

(paraphrase) "They don't have me up here because I'm beautiful."

"Put on your listening ears!"

And one of my favorite exchanges ever... It happened when one defendant with a debt to pay was complaining about how he'd tried and tried but couldn't find a job. Somehow soon after, Judge Judy called the defendant's witness (the defendant's friend) and asked him what he did for a living. He worked at a manufacturing plant in the town. Judge Judy asked him if it had been difficult to get that job, and he pretty much answered truthfully (and without a hint of remorse) "No, there are jobs there for anyone who wants one." The smile that came across Judge Judy's face was priceless, and she said in the best way "I love you!" (It was in the delivery).  Even better, the guy replied: "I love you, too, Judge Judy."

Needless to say, "Judgement for the plaintiff," came swiftly after that.

[Claire Voyant]

I'M SPEAKING!!!!

[aqusdealer]

“conversating is not a word”

another time she inferred that a litigant was giving her a headache, but she used what I think is a Yiddish expression. I couldn’t begin to guess a spelling but phonetically it sounded like “Zhuh-shah” like saying zoo followed by shah (like shah of Iran) . Ring any bells Yiddish speakers? 🙂

[One Tough Cookie]

I remember a litigant, for whatever reason came up to the {almighty} desk.  "You are a very attractive said ", in a very soft voice  she said. Go back you already won the case"!

Edited August 30, 2020 by One Tough Cookie

[sharifa70]

“Look at me. Look at me! LOOK AT ME! I don’t CARE! About your eyelashes!”

[One Tough Cookie]

"

l know this an old  thread but she had a cl;assic the other day while  dealing with someone who-was gaming the system"

Head shake--This is Not the America I want to Live in {with the usual head shake}

Edited July 11, 2021 by One Tough Cookie

[One Tough Cookie]

The other day there was a litigant who was about 28 with 4 babies with four different mothers. She said--Next time think with her your other head'. i died.

Edited October 30, 2021 by One Tough Cookie

[catlover79]

For me, nothing tops...

BALONEY!!!