My job assignment on Monday ticked almost every square on the Judge Judy Bingo card. To quote Stefon from SNL, it had everything! It was a hearing involving complaints made against a contractor and what, if any, repercussions he should face. It was just the last day of testimony, but damn, they were going down the JJ list:
The contractor claimed the client kept wanting to add on extras and swore she'd pay him at the end. Of course, this was never put in writing because he "trusted her." (PUT EVERYTHING IN WRITING, FOOLS.)
He also claimed that she stole the original contract out of his van and modified it, like adding things and crossing things out. He was eager to point out the lines that weren't his handwriting.
However! When presented with the booklet of laws (some of which he was in violation of), he couldn't read from it because he forgot his glasses and simply couldn't read anything. (Despite reading the contract five minutes earlier.)
My personal favorite: When asked about any other documents he had, he answered, "Oh, they're at home in my filing cabinet." It took every ounce of willpower I had not to scream "WHERE DID YOU THINK YOU WERE COMING TODAY?!?" I forget when this case actually started, but I know it goes back to at least August, because that was the last time I did a piece of it. THIS IS YOUR JOB ON THE LINE, MY DUDE. BRING YOUR DOCUMENTS.
He also claims that when he went to collect the rest of the money he felt was owed to him, the client hit him in the face, chipping his tooth. I believe there was actually a police report and an order of protection, but I did not personally see either of them.
The guy's wife was called as a witness as she was there when the hit allegedly happened, and she kept answering with "uh-huh" and no one called her out on it. (All together now: UH-HUH IS NOT AN ANSWER.)
There was some fuckery involving photographs. But at least there were photographs.
The transcript is over 100 pages long and will take me forever to edit (especially since my headers are going wonky and I need to call tech support tomorrow), but at least it was somewhat entertaining.