S15.E19: Silent All These Years

[Infie]

I thought it was a good episode and that the actor who played Abby was phenomenal.  

All sorts of people fall through the cracks of the system.  Just because white babies usually end up adopted doesn't mean that they all do; if they were then orphanages would never have any white babies in them.  

Michelle Forbes will always be the Admiral of the Pegasus to me.  🙂

[bybrandy]

5 hours ago, Layne said:

What's funny is that that's exactly what Ellis did with Maggie/Richard, and Maggie knows that, and she knows Richard, but instead of building a relationship with him, she's dating his stepson. I wonder how Jo feels about that lol. 

Jolex will probably adopt it. 

They'd have to share a scene or maybe even two for this to happen, so probably not.   

[dvr devotee]

2 hours ago, ams1001 said:

On 3/29/2019 at 3:18 AM, chocolatine said:

I thought it was interesting that when she was telling her birth mother about the life she has now, she said "I have a job that I love, friends who I love, and a husband who loves me" - not "husband who I love".

I noticed that too...

I figured this was meant in opposition to the ex-husband who beat her every chance he got--that, despite all the hardship before, now her life is good and she has a man who loves her, who does not beat her.

[dmc]

7 hours ago, KaveDweller said:

Didn't she talked to Maggie? She talked to someone who made her think it was a good idea, and then Jackson told her how he had a bad experience with his birth father. But she decided to do it anyway. Or maybe she was just listening to Maggie's TV interview?

Until it came up a few episodes ago, I didn't even remember Jo was abandoned as a baby. I remembered that she didn't have family and lived in her car, but I guess I thought her parents had died when she was a kid or something. It does seem pretty unbelievable no one would have adopted her.

I was also surprised Jo was so hostile to her mother. I thought she was looking to connect with her, but I guess when her mother refused to even talk to her, she got pissed off. I would imagine after a lifetime of not knowing your parents, a rejection would hurt more than for others and cause that type of hostility. 

Does anyone else watch Station 19? It featured a plot where a baby was abandoned at the fire station this week. I am assuming that is not a coincidence?

Maggie was helping her with her dna test results.  I just surprised there wasn’t a conversation written by the writers addressing it.  

[dmc]

14 hours ago, bybrandy said:

The woman was in some serious denial.  Obviously, there is no way she could have hid the extent of her surgery or injuries from her husband.  But she wasn't ready to face it so she was living in a world that somehow it would be okay.  That she'd get the surgery and it would be fine.  The fact that he'd have serious questions she'd have to answer was too far ahead for her thought process.  Presumably she might have told him she was in an automobile accident but I think she was making her plans moment to moment not days down the line.  

I don't think Jo came to that meeting intending to be so confrontational.  I think she saw her birth mother who she always expected to be struggling living this picture perfect suburban life and that filled her with the rage that made her so confrontational.   

Honestly not even that made sense to me because plenty of people have struggled financially and pulled their life together at some point.  Jo is one of those people.    

[maddie965]

I understand Jo's anger. She was abandoned. That's reason enough to be angry IMO. Can you ever get over that kind of pain? Not sure.

I loved the line of women. The way I see it, Abby was feeling terrified. At that moment, she needed to feel protected from men, all men. Seeing all those women there made her feel safe. Like they were human shields, protecting and cherishing her. Even I felt safe.

Edited March 31, 2019 by maddie965

[HahYallDoin]

On 3/29/2019 at 12:16 PM, proserpina65 said:

Were safe haven laws around at the time?  Because now, fire stations are among the places you can leave a baby and know that it will be taken care of.

A local reporter in my city, Jodi Brooks, covered numerous stories of babies being thrown out like trash, suffocated, left for passerby’s or death near dumpsters in Mobile, AL in the early and mid 1990’s. She worked alongside our county DA and the hospital I work for to enact the ‘Secret Safe Place For Newborns’ law. 

We began using it in our county in 1998 and it was signed into state law in 2000. Since that time, jurisdictions across the country have followed suit. 

Jo’s mom could have been charged with a crime when she dropped her off at the fire station because 1. There was no law in effect to allow her to leave her baby with no risk of criminal prosecution and 2. The ‘SSPFN’ law only allows a mother to drop off the infant within 72 hours of birth and Jo was five days old  

I remember the feeling of sheer joy we all felt when the first infant was dropped off safely at our hospital. It was a moment where the mom saw firsthand she could simply pass the baby off to the officer stationed outside of the ER and walk away without any fuss and in that moment, we all realized that yes, Jodi’s hard work and dedication was paying off and this was the start of a new chapter in history. 

Edited March 31, 2019 by HahYallDoin
Type: passerby’s not passerny’s

[ams1001]

21 hours ago, dvr devotee said:

I figured this was meant in opposition to the ex-husband who beat her every chance he got--that, despite all the hardship before, now her life is good and she has a man who loves her, who does not beat her.

That makes sense..

[HahYallDoin]

On 3/29/2019 at 3:40 PM, marceline said:

According to Wikipedia the first Safe Haven law was passed in Texas in 1999.

Actually, Secret Safe Place For Newborns was the brain cbild of reporter Jodi Brooks out of Mobile, AL. The law was enacted in Mobile County in 1998 and signed into state law in 2000. It was indeed used in other states before Alabama signed it into statewide law but the first place of record where it was used, quite effectively I might add. is here in Mobile. 

I read an article on Jodi Brooks a year or so ago. She’s out of broadcasting and living in the Midwest but said she still speaks around the country and gets letters on the regular from young people whose lives were saved by her actions. 

She was a Godsend to our community because infant lives were being lost at a sickening rate. To know that her work that started here is used across our nation has to make her know what her purpose on this Earth was/is. 

[bybrandy]

2 hours ago, HahYallDoin said:

2. The ‘SSPFN’ law only allows a mother to drop off the infant within 72 hours of birth and Jo was five days old  

It isn't a federal law so safe haven laws vary by state.  Some only allow a child to be surrendered for 72 hours.  But it depends on the state.  It is a moot point because there is no way Jo was born after 1999, but if she had been born in New York her mother would have had 30 days and could have left her with a responsible adult.  Other states she could have had longer but might have only been allowed to leave the child at a hospital or medical facility.   The laws very much vary.   

And despite the fact that all TV babies are left at fire stations, not all states have safe haven protections at fire stations.  

Edited March 31, 2019 by bybrandy

[PamelaMaeSnap]

I thought this was a great episode and I cried like a baby. Watched it twice. No shame here. I will snark on 99% of the shows I watch but I am Grey's bitch and go into snarkfree zone for it. Loved that they seemed to focus for just that extra moment on Bokhee when they showed the lineup of women in the hall.

Anyway, here is my question which, for whatever reason, occurred to me both times I watched this. I LOVE the relationship that Ben has with Tuck. But does Tuck Sr. have any presence in his son's life anymore? I really liked him ...

[JTM]

On 3/30/2019 at 2:19 AM, Infie said:

All sorts of people fall through the cracks of the system.  Just because white babies usually end up adopted doesn't mean that they all do; if they were then orphanages would never have any white babies in them.  

They don't. Even if there were still orphanages, which in Canada at least there aren't, newborns don't fall through the cracks. If they're not immediately adopted, it's usually because they're being fostered very specifically TOWARD the birth mother being able to parent them.

[Guest]

On 3/29/2019 at 11:30 PM, statsgirl said:

On 3/29/2019 at 1:45 PM, readster said:

A good lawyer would say "she wanted to stick it to her husband and she likes rough sex". I don't blame Abby for not wanting to go through that.

Also, while objectively we can see her injuries were bad enough she would be believed most likely, she lives with the reality daily that it might not be the case and she was in denial about the extent of her injuries. 

[KaveDweller]

20 hours ago, maddie965 said:

I understand Jo's anger. She was abandoned. That's reason enough to be angry IMO. Can you ever get over that kind of pain? Not sure.

I loved the line of women. The way I see it, Abby was feeling terrified. At that moment, she needed to feel protected from men, all men. Seeing all those women there made her feel safe. Like they were human shields, protecting and cherishing her. Even I felt safe.

I understand her anger too, but I was still surprised by it. Everyone reacts to things differently, so I didn't think that was the route things would go with Jo.

[llewis823]

On 3/28/2019 at 10:04 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

my two reactions were (1) who is taking care of all the patients in the hospital if that many of the employees are standing in the hallway? and (2) they could have given Abby a male-free journey to the OR by just emptying the hallway. 

Same here. As someone else posted earlier, I hate when Hollywood tries to tell me how to feel about something. 

[WhosThatGirl]

15 minutes ago, llewis823 said:

Same here. As someone else posted earlier, I hate when Hollywood tries to tell me how to feel about something. 

I’m one of the people who said this. Someone else said it before me though. For me a lot of my feelings about this episode were based on the build up of this episode. And I’m saying sexual assault is not worth the build up but at the same time, the promo made it about Jo and her mother and how came to

be. I think a few of us may Have deduced that Jos mother’s story of how she came to be probably wasn’t going to be magical and probably a few of us could have guessed sexual assault in some way. Also yes the parts with the patient were moving at times. It’s just.. I feel like I can’t explain my issues  with the episode well.

[Shellie]

On 3/29/2019 at 3:38 PM, Joana said:

Also, I found it really strange how unprepared was for the whole thing. Meeting her birth mother was obviously a planned decision, so it's weird that she apparently never talked to anyone who went through something similar (hell, Meredith and Maggie were there and both had useful stories to share) or read about people who had such an experience, so she could be ready for the possibility of the reality not matching her fantasy, as well as devising an appropriate startegy for talking to her mother, instead of simple "Hi, I'm your daughter you abandoned at the fire station decades ago, now tell me why you did it". 

If they wanted to have it played out exactly this way, perhaps it would have been better if Jo had somehow accidentally found out who her mother was, had no time to process it and acted implusively. In that case, her whoel behaviour would have made more sense. 

I agree totally. I guess it makes for better TV, but I had a lot of thoughts about this because two years ago one of my best friends was contacted by her son after giving him up for adoption more than 40 years ago. It was an entirely different situation and she actually had always hoped he would find her and get in touch. She had given up long ago though.  He had always wanted to find her but was understandably hesitant.

He approached her through an intermediary (a social worker, maybe?) and they waited for weeks before actually getting together. In the meantime, she did a lot of reading online about how these meetings tend to go, and was nervous because so many go badly.  In this case, their meeting went exceptionally well and they have been in almost daily contact ever since. If only it could always be that way. 

[BaseOps]

Regarding "who is taking care of all the patients" - the 'wall of women' actually happens in hospitals, just not with all women. Obviously the Greys wall was bigger but... it's TV. It was a metaphor.

[Pallas]

My nephew is the nurse on the left, with his hands on the gurney. 

[PAT613]

I have never posted before, but felt I had to with all the talk about adoption and white girls being adopted easily. 

My mother was adopted out when her mother died in childbirth.  She was NOT adopted out easily - in fact spent years in foster homes going through a living hell.   So please check your assumptions before you make generalizations that may or may not be based in fact.  

And it did damage her, she valued friends above all else, her family was secondary because she never really knew what it was like to have family and to make those bonds.  My mom was my rock and a wonderful person, BUT she did place wedges between my siblings and I and manipulated the situation.  She also stayed in an abusive relationship.  Enough said.

Although I am not the biggest fan of Jo -  I can understand her reaction (in the moment).  Yes, her mother is a victim, but so is Jo.

[Pallas]

7 hours ago, PAT613 said:

And it did damage her, she valued friends above all else, her family was secondary because she never really knew what it was like to have family and to make those bonds.  My mom was my rock and a wonderful person, BUT she did place wedges between my siblings and I and manipulated the situation.  She also stayed in an abusive relationship.  Enough said.

What a powerful and perceptive post. I hope your mother knew that she was, finally, so clearly seen. 

Jo was born well after 1970, with the surge of baby boomers trying to start families, and an inverse decline in available newborns. From a Brookings Institute report: 

"The peak year for adoptions in the United States was 1970, the year of the technology shock.* In the five years following the shock, the number of agency adoptions was halved from 86,000 to 43,000. In 1969, mothers of out-of-wedlock children who had not married after three years kept only 28 percent of those children. In 1984, that rate was 56 percent; by the late 1980s it was 66 percent."

*The technology shock = the first-time, widespread availability of effective, convenient and affordable birth control to women and girls of all ages and marital status, along with access to safe and legal abortion as of January 1972.

[BaseOps]

This is nice: 

RAINN saw a 43% increase in calls to its National Sexual Assault Hotline after the March 28 “Grey’s Anatomy” episode, RAINN representative Erinn Robinson told USA TODAY.

[maasa]

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I understand the trauma and I understand pushing Alex away to a degree, but this all seems excessive and contrived, but with no explanation as to why they are contriving it.  There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it.  Maybe its all building to something, but I have my doubts.

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Given Jo's speech about running, I'm guessing the cliffhanger for Jolex will be Alex coming home and finding Jo has packed up and left. 

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 During her speech about running, I was worried it was foreshadowing her leaving Alex.

I am a fan of Jo and Jolex. I'm happy Jo is getting storyline but her speech in this episode felt like it was carefully constructed just to set up the plot of Jo taking off.  Finding out what happened with her mother being raped would cause her pain & would be something she needs time to process and work through. I can even get Jo not being ready to talk to Alex about it yet. But I won't buy Jo taking off from Alex at this point in her life.

The partner going to a friend to talk to their SO is a go to for this show  but I didn't mind Alex going to Linc to talk to Jo. I like that Alex doesn't feel threatened or jealous of Jo & Linc's friendship. I'd like to see Alex and Linc form a friendship going forward. Its almost always been Jo having to mix with his friends so this is a nice change. 

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I dont have too much comment on jo’s actual spiral cause I couldn’t imagine learning what she learned. If anyone needs to be in therapy it’s her. 

Jo should have gone to therapy years ago! I'd love to see it happen now but it looks like Owen is going and in Grey's world I don't think we'll see 2 characters going at the same time.

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No amount of screen time or Maggie's blessing or Richard's stamp of approval or sudden medical prowess will convince me that he's a leading man. Krista and the writers' obsession with the Italian makes me dislike him. Meredith is better than this, or at least she used to be. 

I'm with you but in EW a couple weeks back Krista declared DeLuca the leading man. So it seems that we'll be seeing way more of this. Guess DeLuca won't be a fun fling but instead probably be her big relationship after Derek. I'm glad I don't care who she ends up with.

[chitowngirl]

Amy Madigan as the hospital therapist should be a full time role with everyone needing therapy!

Edited April 9, 2019 by chitowngirl

[Tallulah7606]

We’re a couple of weeks behind in the UK so I’ve only just seen this episode, but WOW! That one scene with Abby being wheeled to theatre, and all the women lining the corridor, was probably one of the single most powerful pieces of television I have ever seen! When Shonda gets it right, she REALLY gets it right. My heart was breaking and singing in equal measure with all the emotion and compassion in just that one small part of the episode. 

On another note, I’m incredibly disappointed that Jo’s mum walked out of the diner like she did-that was her child, her blood, sat in front of her-and I really didn’t like how they had Jo shut Alex out so coldly. It took him years to turn into a character that I love-I don’t want Jo’s reluctance to talk turning him into the arsehole that he used to be 

[CountryGirl]

I just watched this episode as well and the moment of the women lining the hall was one of the most powerful in the entire series. 

Obviously not everyone agreed and I've seen plenty of side-eyeing about all of the women abandoning their patients to be there for all of sixty seconds at best while Abby was wheeled into the elevator.

And the thought that an empty hallway would or could have had the same effect? 

Nope.

Seeing all of the compassionate faces gave Abby something else to focus on before her surgery. An empty hallway...I can imagine with each second that ticked by, she would have had what felt like a million years to relieve the worst moments of her life.

Huge difference.

Huge. 

[Friendly kitty]

The story of a patient with trauma makes me sad ... Why can no woman in any country be protected from such inadequate men? Why do you need to constantly act with an eye to the fact that this man will be a monster? It's horrible...
And yes, the story of the corridor of women is wonderful! It is fascinating! Of course, in reality this would not have happened, but this is a TV series. And this is an episode that should inspire women to fight.

[Chas411]

Finally saw the episode as in watching on SKy Living and have found this season hard to watch so took a long break. 
 

This episode broke my heart. From the rape victim to Jo’s mother to Jo herself. I had tears in my eyes through it all. It was so emotional. 
 

Camilla Luddington and Michelle Forbes were brilliant in their scenes. While I understand Jo’s mothers reluctance towards her (kind of - I thought her hostility was a bit much given Jo hadn’t actually done anything to her) I can see why Jo would be left traumatised by the whole experience. She was completely rejected. Even if the reasons weren’t understandable How can you not be devastated after that?

The only scene that was overkill was the one with Tuck and Ben about consent. That just seemed inserted to really drag the point across. 
 

My husband pointed out that the key to a decent episode is no Maggie or Owen. I think he has a point.

[Tallulah7606]

1 hour ago, Chas411 said:

My husband pointed out that the key to a decent episode is no Maggie or Owen. I think he has a point.

I quite agree 😂 but prepare yourself to be truly disappointed with the rest of the season then. There’s quite a few Maggie and Owen centric episodes to come.