Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[DittyDotDot]

15 minutes ago, ganesh said:

I can't be the only person that had a fairly normal high school? Most attended our 20 year reunion too. No drama and a lot of fun. 

On tv, it's like the 7th circle of hell everytime. 

Wait, you attended your reunion? Did someone(s) die a horrible death while the once-loser-turned-winner show up to prove the once-winners had grown up to become the loser...and a killer, too?

Edited June 17, 2016 by DittyDotDot

[ABay]

I can't be the only person that had a fairly normal high school? ... On tv, it's like the 7th circle of hell everytime.

That's because a normal high school is the 7th circle of hell. That's one trope that is definitely not Only on TV.

[atomationage]

There is or was an excellent Australian show called Winners and Losers, which started off with a 10 year reunion where 4 unpopular girls buy a lottery ticket and win the lottery.      The series follows their adventures in life and love after that. 

[ganesh]

53 minutes ago, DittyDotDot said:

Wait, you attended your reunion? Did someone(s) die a horrible death while the once-loser-turned-winner show up to prove the once-winners had grown up to become the loser...and a killer, too?

The big jock QB was married to a fat woman and she caught him and his ex head cheerleader gf getting it on in the cloak room and wrapped a wine bottle around his head. Then she had a miscarriage. The valedictorian was caught shooting up in the ladies room.

Seriously though, a few of the local women booked a room in a nice bar with some food provided for about $30. Everyone had a great time and they had a slideshow of pics running. (Which is *really hard* in the days before cell phone pics). 

I'm not being like "I'm so great" but there's got to be some people who had a drama free HS.

[kiddo82]

You're not the only one.  I actually liked high school.  My existence was pretty nondescript in the grand scheme of things but I had my circle of friends and we had a good time.  Of course there were the "haves" and the "have nots" but the spectrum wasn't nearly as vast as it's portrayed on TV.  I went to my ten year a few years ago and crazy enough no one was murdered or got into a fight.  But we did have the pounchy kid who came back JACKED.

Edited June 18, 2016 by kiddo82

[DittyDotDot]

19 minutes ago, ganesh said:

The big jock QB was married to a fat woman and she caught him and his ex head cheerleader gf getting it on in the cloak room and wrapped a wine bottle around his head. Then she had a miscarriage. The valedictorian was caught shooting up in the ladies room.

Seriously though, a few of the local women booked a room in a nice bar with some food provided for about $30. Everyone had a great time and they had a slideshow of pics running. (Which is *really hard* in the days before cell phone pics). 

I'm not being like "I'm so great" but there's got to be some people who had a drama free HS.

Oh yeah, my high school days were pretty drama-free, even though I didn't think they were at the time. Teenagers are such drama queens!. Sure, I would've preferred to skip it at the time, but looking back it was a fine time. I had a lot of freedom without grown up responsibilities. I didn't go to my reunion simply because I wasn't able at the time. 

[ganesh]

We were small, so the band geeks (me) were also the jocks (me), or you played basketball and were in drama, etc. I was in at least one class every year with a friend from literally nursery school to senior year. I was a loudmouth just to screw around, but I can't really remember anyone getting bullied. I guess it was difficult for the gay people because you couldn't be out then, but no one cared once FB came around and we found out about them either. 

[ganesh]

3 minutes ago, DittyDotDot said:

I didn't go to my reunion simply because I wasn't able at the time. 

Likely story. Everyone heard you were the one who never turned off your car radio. "We can't have that Dot coming to the reunion! Do you remember frenching behind the bushes and she started the car and Bon Jovi started blaring?! I totally got on groundation for the weekend! And I was going to the drive in with Donnie! Hell to the no."

[DittyDotDot]

Just now, ganesh said:

Likely story. Everyone heard you were the one who never turned off your car radio. "We can't have that Dot coming to the reunion! Do you remember frenching behind the bushes and she started the car and Bon Jovi started blaring?! I totally got on groundation for the weekend! And I was going to the drive in with Donnie! Hell to the no."

Well, since you asked...you're right, I wasn't invited. Instead, I crashed the event, tied up the former prom queen, pulled out a knife and proceeded to eat an apple with it. All the while, I monologued about my many plans for getting retribution. Then the prom king showed up and told me he was sorry for not inviting me and we all got into my car--radio blaring--and drove off into the sunset. 

Or something far more mundane happened like I had to work three states away. ;)

[Rick Kitchen]

The only interesting thing I remember from our 10-year prom was that the former head cheer leader made sure everybody knew that she was married to a doctor.

I hated high school, mainly because it was easy for me and I developed bad study habits and got bored easily.  Those bad habits bit me in the butt when I got into college.

[Haleth]

Only on TV will a cough always be a sign you are going to die, as evidenced by the blood on your palm.

[Popples]

1 hour ago, Haleth said:

Only on TV will a cough always be a sign you are going to die, as evidenced by the blood on your palm.

Ah, yes, the incurable cough of death.

Warning: TV Tropes will ruin your life.

[kiddo82]

Either you or someone in your group will buy a bar despite having no experience in the business or service industries.  Bonus points if it's the bar you regularly (exclusively) hang out at.  Double bonus points if you or your friend purchased it to prevent it from being turned into a Jamba Juice or something.  

[Sandman87]

But sometimes instead of a bar, you'll buy a restaurant for the same reasons. Hilarity will ensue, patrons will be exceptionally demanding, there will be food mix-ups, and there is roughly a 75% chance of a disastrous kitchen fire.

[janie jones]

On 6/17/2016 at 3:45 PM, ganesh said:

I can't be the only person that had a fairly normal high school? Most attended our 20 year reunion too. No drama and a lot of fun. 

On tv, it's like the 7th circle of hell everytime. 

Yeah, high schools on TV might as well take place in a foreign country they're so different from my high school experience.  However, a friend of mine who transferred from another high school remarked on how not clique-y it was, which led me to believe that maybe my school was unusual.  And also, my husband recently told me that his high school got 20 minutes for passing time, which led me to believe that maybe high school kids just milling around in the hall between classes on TV is actually pretty accurate for some schools.

[kiddo82]

2 hours ago, Sandman87 said:

But sometimes instead of a bar, you'll buy a restaurant for the same reasons. Hilarity will ensue, patrons will be exceptionally demanding, there will be food mix-ups, and there is roughly a 75% chance of a disastrous kitchen fire.

Oh yeah.  Your famous last words will be some variation of "How hard could it be?  I'm here all the time anyway". Everyone who undertakes these endeavors seems to think that owning the business will involve the same level of commitment as patronizing it.

[shapeshifter]

Regarding baguettes: In the opening shots of a season 8 (1991) episode of Murder, She Wrote, Jessica Fletcher is carrying a brown grocery bag with a baguette and a celery bunch sticking out at the top.

[ethalfrida]

On 6/17/2016 at 5:45 PM, ganesh said:

I can't be the only person that had a fairly normal high school? Most attended our 20 year reunion too. No drama and a lot of fun. 

On tv, it's like the 7th circle of hell everytime. 

 

I tried to quote on the high school post but it never showed up.

Anyway, our graduating class was around 1500. All the high schools in this city were pretty much the same environment. There were/are 5  My high school years were great. My class president dated Condeleesa Rice and if you remember the Super Bowl that showed Pres. Bush sitting with his wife, Condeleesa and Condeleesa's date well that was him. Not only did we party we partied with the other high schools. But, don't get me wrong we had our rivalries. But we had a ball, received great educations, kept in touch with our teachers and admins. 

Demographically African Americans were third with Latinos a little higher and Caucasians in the greater. And it was the same with Middle schools. Elementary schools were more reflective of neighborhood s since bussing didn't exist and little kids had to walk mostly.

Edited June 27, 2016 by ethalfrida
Cannot input text on quoted post.

[Moose135]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

Regarding baguettes: In the opening shots of a season 8 (1991) episode of Murder, She Wrote, Jessica Fletcher is carrying a brown grocery bag with a baguette and a celery bunch sticking out at the top.

I think they had an episode that season where a baguette was used as the murder weapon...

[ChromaKelly]

On 6/17/2016 at 7:00 PM, DittyDotDot said:

Wait, you attended your reunion? Did someone(s) die a horrible death while the once-loser-turned-winner show up to prove the once-winners had grown up to become the loser...and a killer, too?

And the reunion was at the high school gym. As are all proms.

[Rick Kitchen]

My favorite high school prom in a gym was from It's a Wonderful Life.  Actually filmed in the Hollywood High School gym, which really did have the swimming pool under the gym floor.

[paulvdb]

Only on TV will your adopted or foster child be brought to your house and turn out to be a teenager instead of the baby that you expected. Because apparently on TV you don't get any information in advance about your adopted or foster child.

[paulvdb]

And another foster child related thing that probably only happens on TV: in your line of work you meet a child (usually a teenager) and bring him or her home with you without discussing it with your spouse and other family members. For example Callie on The Fosters or Kyle on Kyle XY.

[atomationage]

9 hours ago, paulvdb said:

in your line of work you meet a child (usually a teenager) and bring him or her home with you without discussing it with your spouse and other family members. For example Callie on The Fosters or Kyle on Kyle XY.

Or Ryan on The OC.

[Quof]

Quote

Only on TV will your adopted or foster child be brought to your house and turn out to be a teenager instead of the baby that you expected. Because apparently on TV you don't get any information in advance about your adopted or foster child.

Or Anne of Green Gables. 

[merylinkid]

Well sure you can't find out in advance.   How else can wacky hijinks ensue when the teenager sees the room decorated in pink bunnies with a crib.   The teen will never learn they were "truly wanted" if the room were age appropriate in advance.   

[Sandman87]

Only on TV (and movies): Any Special Training that you get or any Fascinating Trivia that you learn in the first half of an episode or movie, no matter how esoteric, will end up being useful by the end. If you just learned how to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, you know that someone is going to start drowning. That fascinating discussion you had about different types of swallows will help you deal with the pesky old bridge-keeper's riddle. The crochet class that you're taking will turn out to be invaluable when you need to climb down from a third floor window and all you have to work with are some crochet hooks and a big ball of yarn.

[paulvdb]

In my earlier post I mentioned two ways you can unexpectedly end up becoming the parent of a teenager. There are of course other ways that only happen on tv or at least more often than they would happen in real life. First: the death of a couple in your family. At the reading of their will you find out that they left their children to you. Second: remember that girl you had sex with in high school or that woman you had a one night stand with? She got pregnant but never told you and raised the child as a single mother. And now your teenage child will show up at your house looking for his or her father. And related to this: your high school girlfriend gave the baby up for adaption but something went wrong and the kid ended up in a bad foster care situation. When (s)he became a teenager (s)he started looking for his/her birth parents. So now you and your high school girlfriend will have to parent the child together.

Edited July 6, 2016 by paulvdb

[St. Claire]

9 hours ago, Sandman87 said:

The crochet class that you're taking will turn out to be invaluable when you need to climb down from a third floor window and all you have to work with are some crochet hooks and a big ball of yarn.

I just want to point out that my knitting and crocheting are not just a hobby; they are post apocalyptic life skills. No one on TV knows the difference between the two, though- at some point when a character says he or she is learning to knit, the finished product (if recognizable as anything) will invariably be crocheted.

[DittyDotDot]

25 minutes ago, St. Claire said:

I just want to point out that my knitting and crocheting are not just a hobby; they are post apocalyptic life skills. 

Yeah, that's how I justify my paper and soap making habits...just getting ready for the end of the world. ;)

[proserpina65]

On ‎06‎/‎17‎/‎2016 at 6:45 PM, ganesh said:

I can't be the only person that had a fairly normal high school? Most attended our 20 year reunion too. No drama and a lot of fun. 

On tv, it's like the 7th circle of hell everytime. 

I was fat as a teenager, so school wasn't always great, but I had my own circle of friends and we had a great time at our 30 year reunion.  No hell involved by then.

Edited to note that by not always great, I mean the 7th circle of hell about half the time.

Edited July 6, 2016 by proserpina65

[proserpina65]

On ‎06‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 11:43 AM, ChromaKelly said:

And the reunion was at the high school gym. As are all proms.

The proms at my school were always in the gym, up until about 2000 or so.  People could afford to go to them without having to take out a loan back then.  (Yes, I am old.)  Our reunion, on the other hand, was at the Odd Fellows hall because someone's husband was a member and we could get it for free.

[CoderLady]

3 hours ago, St. Claire said:

I just want to point out that my knitting and crocheting are not just a hobby; they are post apocalyptic life skills. No one on TV knows the difference between the two, though- at some point when a character says he or she is learning to knit, the finished product (if recognizable as anything) will invariably be crocheted.

I wonder sometimes if it isn't an actual job -- starting prop knitting or crochet projects that an actor can hold and pretend to work on during a scene because there's always just enough done to look like the actor is working on it but not something huge like a sweater back or an afghan. If so, I'd like that job, please.

[zxy556575]

There are an awful lot of TV detectives who stumble on a breakthrough in their cases during their off time. They're flummoxed so far, then they see a knitting (or crochet!) needle, hear a car horn, eat pasta, almost trip over a toy left in the driveway and EUREKA!!! That's the solution!

It's all terribly convenient.

[ganesh]

There was one where the detective started his car and the radio was on and he knew who did it!

[Moose135]

18 minutes ago, ganesh said:

There was one where the detective started his car and the radio was on and he knew who did it!

It's a good thing he didn't turn off the radio when he parked the car!

[shapeshifter]

6 minutes ago, Moose135 said:

 

25 minutes ago, ganesh said:

There was one where the detective started his car and the radio was on and he knew who did it!

It's a good thing he didn't turn off the radio when he parked the car!

And I'm imagining it was the perp who left the radio on when he borrowed the car for the getaway, thus tipping off Detective Ganesh.

[ganesh]

I give you Season 3 of True Detective. 

[shapeshifter]

Only On TV (specifically on a Law & Order rerun) can someone stab someone else with a Sharpie so that it is considered assault. In case any of you don't know (as the L&O writers clearly did not), a Sharpie has a soft felt tip. I wasn't paying too much attention, so maybe it was attempted murder by tickling to death?

[St. Claire]

21 hours ago, CoderLady said:

I wonder sometimes if it isn't an actual job -- starting prop knitting or crochet projects that an actor can hold and pretend to work on during a scene because there's always just enough done to look like the actor is working on it but not something huge like a sweater back or an afghan. If so, I'd like that job, please.

I actually did that for a school play- the girls playing the parts in Little Women were, for the most part, not accomplished knitters but the director wanted them to be knitting. So, I did up a few pieces to be large enough to be visible from the audience, and the girls only had to do a stitch or two at a time while on stage.

[Shannon L.]

Speaking of police work:  Only on tv can you lift a fingerprint off of any surface.  Something that was confirmed not true by the woman taking fingerprints in our house after we were broken into.  We had a fun talk about CSI.  Also, my kids (in grade school at the time) were convinced that they'd have to come home early from school, while she was there, to give her their fingerprints so they could tell which fingerprints belonged to family members. They were disappointed that it didn't happen (that was mixture of both not being finger printed and not being able to get out of school early :)

[DittyDotDot]

49 minutes ago, Shannon L. said:

Speaking of police work:  Only on tv can you lift a fingerprint off of any surface.  Something that was confirmed not true by the woman taking fingerprints in our house after we were broken into.  We had a fun talk about CSI.  Also, my kids (in grade school at the time) were convinced that they'd have to come home early from school, while she was there, to give her their fingerprints so they could tell which fingerprints belonged to family members. They were disappointed that it didn't happen (that was mixture of both not being finger printed and not being able to get out of school early :)

Years ago, my workplace was broken into and one of my fellow employees was quite disappointed they didn't take any fingerprints off the safe and/or fingerprint all of us to rule us out. He was even more disappointed we didn't get a robbery detective coming in asking us all questions and grilling us for weeks on end. ;)

[Quof]

I had a break in, and the police dusted for prints on things like the handles on bureau drawers that had been ransacked.  I told them I had painted throughout very recently, so if they got prints from the walls, we could easily narrow it down based on the few people who might have touched my walls since the painting.  They said "You don't want us to do that.   This stuff doesn't come off, so we only dust walls if there's been a murder."

[meep.meep]

On 7/6/2016 at 4:37 AM, paulvdb said:

In my earlier post I mentioned two ways you can unexpectedly end up becoming the parent of a teenager. .......And now your teenage child will show up at your house looking for his or her father. And related to this: your high school girlfriend gave the baby up for adaption but something went wrong and the kid ended up in a bad foster care situation. When (s)he became a teenager (s)he started looking for his/her birth parents. 

Only on TV is it always raining when these teenagers show up.

 

All you potential theatrical knitters - I once did props for a production of The Music Man.  One of my jobs became unfolding the laundry from a scene where Marian and her mother fold and sing.  There was apparently an awkward episode in one performance where they had to take out the neatly folded pillowcases, shake them out, and then refold them.

[MargeGunderson]

3 hours ago, Quof said:

I had a break in, and the police dusted for prints on things like the handles on bureau drawers that had been ransacked.  I told them I had painted throughout very recently, so if they got prints from the walls, we could easily narrow it down based on the few people who might have touched my walls since the painting.  They said "You don't want us to do that.   This stuff doesn't come off, so we only dust walls if there's been a murder."

They aren't lying. I still have fingerprints on a window sill after it was dusted for prints 5 years ago.

[merylinkid]

On 7/6/2016 at 2:52 PM, lordonia said:

There are an awful lot of TV detectives who stumble on a breakthrough in their cases during their off time. They're flummoxed so far, then they see a knitting (or crochet!) needle, hear a car horn, eat pasta, almost trip over a toy left in the driveway and EUREKA!!! That's the solution!

It's all terribly convenient.

Actually I can see that happening.   The facts are all there in their mind but not coalescing so you go too something else and let your mind percolate on its own.   Then it's EUREKA.    I have the best ideas for cases while driving because my mind is not thinking about cases then.   Still working on a way to record them WHILE I have them instead of hoping I remember until I come to a stop somewhere.

[kiddo82]

Thought of this one while out for my run tonight:

Only on TV (or more likely on TV) are people murdered right there on the courthouse steps.  The defendant has just gotten off on a technicality or due to some crafty defense work and is smirking his way down the steps of the courthouse to freedom when BLAMO!  Shot fired.  Always a single shot and always a kill shot with no collateral damage because only on TV is everyone Annie Oakley.  Anywho, the defendant drops.  Blood splatters across the ADA's face.  The defense attorney stands motionless and aghast.  The cops scramble to control the situation while one of them fruitlessly administers CPR and simultaneously radioes for medical assistance.  Bystanders take cover.  All except one.  The shooter.  As the crowd parts we see the shooter slowly lower the smoking gun.  It's revealed to be the accuser/relative of the accuser/a previous accuser.  He or she is actively weeping as the cops rush to disarm him or her.  Fade to black on an overhead shot of all the chaos while nothing is heard on the soundtrack except the screams from the crowd and the police bellowing orders or wanting know where the damn ambulance is.  

Yeah.  I think I've seen that exact scene once or twice.  

[Quof]

Quote

The defendant has just gotten off on a technicality

This expression makes me crazy.  The law is both procedural and substantive.   "Technicalities" are procedural protections to which every defendant is entitled (the right to a fair and speedy trial, rights against self-incrimination), and if they are not upheld, a defendant is entitled to be acquitted. It's the law, not a technicality.

[merylinkid]

2 hours ago, Quof said:

This expression makes me crazy.  The law is both procedural and substantive.   "Technicalities" are procedural protections to which every defendant is entitled (the right to a fair and speedy trial, rights against self-incrimination), and if they are not upheld, a defendant is entitled to be acquitted. It's the law, not a technicality.

It's a technicality unless it affects you personally.   I so hate when they say "a technicality" because the search warrant wasn't obtained properly.   Okay fine, the cops can just come into your house any time they want then.

These "technicalities" stem from the basic premise of "innocent until proven guilty in a court of law."   So the cops have to do their jobs right.   The prosecution has the burden of proving the case beyond a reasonably doubt.  The Defendant does not have to prove innocence.   If the cops screw up or the prosecution does not carry their burden, the person is INNOCENT.   Not freed on a technicality.

[Sandman87]

A technicality seems to be defined the same as a loophole; whatever the speaker doesn't like about the law.