Faux Life: Things That Happen On TV But Not In Reality

[andromeda331]

They spoofed the Hudson college concept on Psych. An outside chief was hired and was like, "what's wrong with you people? There's been over 100 murders here in the last 4 years?"

 

 

They did? I'll have to find it that sounds funny.

[andromeda331]

This always makes me laugh too.  In Rosewood PA, home of the Pretty Little Liars, the murder/kidnapping/assault rate per captia has to be off the charts.  Why do people continue to live there?  I remember old episodes of Pickett Fences where characters would continue to marvel at all the weird goings on in their quaint little suburb, but I think that was also the point of the show.

 

On a similar note I have never understood how las Vegas of the CSI world is any kind of tourist destination. In reality serial killers (especially sensational ones) are pretty rare to the point where people still talk about oned from decades ago. On CSI a new serial killer like that shows up every year. So why the hell would anyone go to Vegas?

 

Yeah, you'd think people would want to move from Rosewood or stop going to Vegas. It also reminds me of the Closer,

Brenda's parents after hearing that Brenda has to go in for murder and Fritz gets called into a bomb threat at the airport

(although Fritz is making up that part to get out of being stuck with her parents), but her parents remark what a dangerous

city LA is.

[Raja]

  I remember old episodes of Pickett Fences where characters would continue to marvel at all the weird goings on in their quaint little suburb, but I think that was also the point of the show. 

What I remember from Picket Fences was the cameos from CBS This Morning's Harry Smith and the news stories as they sat around the breakfast table about the weird happens "again" in Rome Wisconsin

 

On a similar note I have never understood how las Vegas of the CSI world is any kind of tourist destination. In reality serial killers (especially sensational ones) are pretty rare to the point where people still talk about oned from decades ago. On CSI a new serial killer like that shows up every year. So why the hell would anyone go to Vegas?

I don't know which department has the higher death rate Las Vegas Police Department or HPD of Hawaii 5-0?

[Moose135]

I don't know which department has the higher death rate Las Vegas Police Department or HPD of Hawaii 5-0?

 

I'm not sure - the sheriff in Cabot Cove, Maine sure was busy...

[Kromm]

I'm not sure - the sheriff in Cabot Cove, Maine sure was busy...

Yeah and as a result we saw a few of those.

 

Edited September 11, 2015 by Kromm

[DeLurker]

What I remember from Picket Fences was the cameos from CBS This Morning's Harry Smith and the news stories as they sat around the breakfast table about the weird happens "again" in Rome Wisconsin

 

I don't know which department has the higher death rate Las Vegas Police Department or HPD of Hawaii 5-0?

Don't forget those crazy kids at NCIS: Los Angeles!

[Haleth]

On a similar note I have never understood how las Vegas of the CSI world is any kind of tourist destination. In reality serial killers (especially sensational ones) are pretty rare to the point where people still talk about oned from decades ago. On CSI a new serial killer like that shows up every year. So why the hell would anyone go to Vegas?

There is a similar amount of crime/murders/terrorism in Honolulu too.

I don't know which department has the higher death rate Las Vegas Police Department or HPD of Hawaii 5-0?

 

Raja beat me to it.

[DittyDotDot]

By population, I think Longmire's Absaroka County, Wyoming might have them all beat in the murder/crime department.

[Kel Varnsen]

By population, I think Longmire's Absaroka County, Wyoming might have them all beat in the murder/crime department.

But is Absaroka known as a place where tons of tourists visit? Hawaii is just as bad, although I don't remember too many serial killer in 5-0 at least. Vegas gets at least 1 a year. In the real world guys like Ted Bundy and John Wayne Gacy are still talked about. The guys who show up are batman villains compared to those guys a d yet people still visit Vegas.

[DittyDotDot]

Well, maybe not a tourist trap, I just meant that the number of murders alone in that rather underpopulated county is highly unlikely and something you would only see on TV. 

[andromeda331]

Imagine a tv couple trying to decide where to go on vacation. "Hawaii, its beautiful. The beaches and its Hawaii"

"Nah, there's too many murders there. How about Vegas? Gambling and shows?" "No, there's a new serial killer

their every year. Maybe we should go somewhere safer. Wyoming?" "Nope, too many murders there. How about LA?"

"Are you crazy? There's always a lot of being being murdered, bomb threats and what about that agency NCIS there?

We don't want to be around if their doing their "undercover" stuff." "How about Miami?" "They have murders and things

blowing up all of the time." "They also have Caine." "Is that a plus or minus?" "Maybe its safer to stay home."

Edited September 11, 2015 by andromeda331

[Kel Varnsen]

I am starting to think that national news doesn't exist in tv, especially crime shows. If it did Jax Teller would be more infamous than John Gotti, Tom Selleck's Blue Bloods would be a national hero, courted by both political parties, and no one would ever go to Hawaii or Vegas.

[Demented Daisy]

By population, I think Longmire's Absaroka County, Wyoming might have them all beat in the murder/crime department.

 

What about Haven, Maine?  They have a ridiculous number of suspicious deaths... and gas leaks.

[DittyDotDot]

If I've learned anything from TV it's, Maine is the place to go when you are ready to die. Now that's a place tourists on should avoid.

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv can someone answer the phone and be so fascinated by what the person wants to say to the person the caller asked for that they stand three feet away from them, staring at their face intently until the conversation is over.  I usually go back to what I was doing, then ask "what was that about?".

[ganesh]

Just the fact that people on tv actually use the phone. I can count on one hand how many times I've talked on the phone this year.

[Kromm]

If I've learned anything from TV it's, Maine is the place to go when you are ready to die. Now that's a place tourists on should avoid.

Well that's kind of Stephen King's fault.  TV just followed that (often in stuff that are adaptations of his work).

[Gudzilla]

Just the fact that people on tv actually use the phone. I can count on one hand how many times I've talked on the phone this year.

Careful Ganesh that could turn into another car radio discussion. ;)

[ganesh]

My car radio is off!

Edited September 14, 2015 by ganesh

[andromeda331]

Given all of the murders in so many states, bombs going off, serial killers, terrorists blowing things up including

how many times police stations, crime labs, and federal buildings, you'd think TV world people would be either

scared to leave their house or walking around wearing body armor and carrying Mack 10s for protection.

[Sandman87]

Only on TV is it possible for a DJ to accidentally say something that they didn't want broadcast because they didn't realize that the microphone was live.

In real life the microphone in a DJ booth is only live when the "on air" light is lit, and those suckers are typically so bright, and add such a distinctive red tint to the lighting of the room, that you can't possibly mistake whether they're on or off. Even if your eyes are closed, you can feel the heat from them if you're within 20 feet.

Given all of the murders...you'd think TV world people would be either scared to leave their house or walking around wearing body armor and carrying Mack 10s for protection.

The hell with a Mac-10. I'd be toting a P90, just in case the bad guys have body armor too.

If I've learned anything from TV it's, Maine is the place to go when you are ready to die. Now that's a place tourists on should avoid.

Well that's kind of Stephen King's fault. TV just followed that (often in stuff that are adaptations of his work).

There's psycho killers in the city, haunted houses in the countryside, evil graveyards, monsters in the ocean, and, worst of all, Stephen King lives there.

[DittyDotDot]

There's psycho killers in the city, haunted houses in the countryside, evil graveyards, monsters in the ocean, and, worst of all, Stephen King lives there.

 

Ah, hell, now you've talked me into moving to Maine. ;)

[kassygreene]

About thirty years ago I was listening to my usual morning DJ - he started a song, answered the phone, and didn't switch off the mic.  He talked unintelligibly through almost all of the song (which I was wanting to hear because it was a good one), and then hung up and answered the next call.  You could just hear the caller say your mic is hot and then he finally switched it off.

 

Although my favorite apparently true story was one a co-worker told about a radio incident in the Salt Lake City Area.  The two DJs put on a long song, and apparently closed the blinds to the booth, locked the door, and proceeded to have a quickie, on air since they didn't switch off the mic.  They also apparently ignored the pounding on the door...  I'm told there was an article in the paper about it, how they were each married to other people, how they were both no longer employed by the station, and I think how transmitting a sexual act was in violation of some FCC rules...  It's a trope that does happen in life, but not as often as in fiction.

[andromeda331]

There's psycho killers in the city, haunted houses in the countryside, evil graveyards, monsters in the ocean,

Don't forget in space. Planet Earth is constantly being invaded a million times to be destroyed, enslaved or eaten.

Your luck really wouldn't get any better if you left to go somewhere else.  

worst of all, Stephen King lives there.

LOL! That is the worse!

Edited September 18, 2015 by andromeda331

[King of Birds]

   worst of all, Stephen King lives there.

LOL! That is the worse!

He only lives there part-time now.  He and the wife live in ... FLORIDA the rest of the year!  Maine AND Florida!  No wonder the man keeps writing about freaky characters.

Edited September 19, 2015 by King of Birds

[merylinkid]

You mean he finally realized "Hey wait, I have literally piles of money, I can afford to live somewhere warm instead of being buried in snow 9 months out of the year?"

 

TOPIC:   only on TV can those living in the pioneer days still be amazingly clean with fabulous hair.

[Demented Daisy]

You mean he finally realized "Hey wait, I have literally piles of money, I can afford to live somewhere warm instead of being buried in snow 9 months out of the year?"

 

 

No, after he was hit by that guy, the residual pain was too much for him to bear in the winter months.  

 

On topic: ... uh, I'm sure I could think of something, but I haven't finished my second cup of coffee yet.

[ChromaKelly]

Only on TV, when you  tell a small child to go to their room, run off an play, go see what Grandma has for you, or it's time for bed, they go and do it without complaint. Not "Nooooo!!! I want to stay here with yoooouuu!!! You can't make me!!!!"

[shapeshifter]

Only on TV, when you  tell a small child to go to their room, run off an play, go see what Grandma has for you, or it's time for bed, they go and do it without complaint. Not "Nooooo!!! I want to stay here with yoooouuu!!! You can't make me!!!!"

Or "Whhhyyyyy?"

[Sandman87]

You beat me to it, shapeshifter.

 

You mean he finally realized "Hey wait, I have literally piles of money...

Does that mean he came down with the millionaire's version of hemorrhoids? I wonder what the treatment for that would be? "Here, rub this poor person on them and call me in the morning."

Edited September 19, 2015 by Sandman87

[DeLurker]

Only on TV, when you  tell a small child to go to their room, run off an play, go see what Grandma has for you, or it's time for bed, they go and do it without complaint. Not "Nooooo!!! I want to stay here with yoooouuu!!! You can't make me!!!!"

By some cosmic interference that is unexplainable, both my kids do exactly this. I suspected my first born was switched in the hospital, but the second looks a LOT like the first. To quote Philip Henslow/Shakespeare in Love - It's a mystery.

[shang yiet]

This is more for the movies but if you want to escape an alien attack, don't live in a city with a famous icon like the White House, Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty or  Sydney Harbour Bridge. The aliens go straight to famous tourist attractions every time.

[Haleth]

 

TOPIC:   only on TV can those living in the pioneer days still be amazingly clean with fabulous hair.

Or living in a zombie apocalypse.

[janie jones]

I could be wrong, but I would guess that Stephen King doesn't *literally* have piles of money.  :)

[Shannon L.]

Only on tv do traveling carnivals still have the tents with people like the wolfman or the bearded lady, etc.  I've been to a dozen or more over the years and have never seen such a thing. 

[Tunia]

Only on tv do traveling carnivals still have the tents with people like the wolfman or the bearded lady, etc.  I've been to a dozen or more over the years and have never seen such a thing. 

You haven't lived until you've seen Helga from Hamburg!  :-)

[paulvdb]

Only on TV can a woman have a one-night stand with a man and find out the next morning that he thought she was a hooker when he leaves an envelope with money in her purse. Because apparently hookers never tell you in advance how much you'll have to pay and men won't ask how much they'll have to pay. Or maybe TV hookers use the "pay what you think it's worth" system.

[ganesh]

After you catch a Dramatic Cab, you jump out at the airport/church/circus/large architectural metaphor and pull a wad of bills out your wallet and say "keep it!"

[Kromm]

After you catch a Dramatic Cab, you jump out at the airport/church/circus/large architectural metaphor and pull a wad of bills out your wallet and say "keep it!"

Actually in this scenario you often magically seem to have a Money Clip.

 

Not to mention you encounter the one nice guy cab driver in the big city, who gives you some variation of an "Atta Boy"/"Go get her" as you leave the cab (and may even reject his fare).

[DittyDotDot]

After you catch a Dramatic Cab, you jump out at the airport/church/circus/large architectural metaphor and pull a wad of bills out your wallet and say "keep it!"

 

Ah yes. Kin to the jump-up-in-the-middle-of-your-meal-at-a-restaurant-toss-down-a-random-wad-of-bills-and-rush-out-to-your-emergency. 

[ChromaKelly]

People on TV always seem to have a wad of cash. I guess debit cards haven't hit TV land.

[Joe]

But some of us in real life don't like using cards. I always carry some cash around.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

After you catch a Dramatic Cab, you jump out at the airport/church/circus/large architectural metaphor and pull a wad of bills out your wallet and say "keep it!"

 

Heh. Dramatic Cab.

 

The reason you have to catch a Dramatic Cab is because you always stupidly put off telling the person who is about to leave for Paris/Africa/Mars that you love them until the very last minute.

[shang yiet]

So what happens when you don't board your plane to Paris after realising your true love has been under your nose all along? Do you get the money you paid for your fare back? Don't you have to get your check-in luggage off the plane, resulting in a delay for all the other passengers?

[Raja]

So what happens when you don't board your plane to Paris after realising your true love has been under your nose all along? Do you get the money you paid for your fare back? Don't you have to get your check-in luggage off the plane, resulting in a delay for all the other passengers?

I got stuck at the gate once when a passenger didn't show up. They found her before they had to disembark and search for bombs

[shapeshifter]

I got stuck at the gate once when a passenger didn't show up. They found her before they had to disembark and search for bombs

Did you wonder if she was canoodling with her childhood sweetheart, having abandoned Paris (or Boise, ID, or wherever), oblivious to having wrecked the travel schedules of everyone who was on her flight? Or do you not watch as much TV as I do?

[ChromaKelly]

But some of us in real life don't like using cards. I always carry some cash around.

Then you're all set to catch a Dramatic Cab, dramatically pull out a few bills and slam them on the restaurant table, and peel off some money to bribe someone for information/pay them to go away/ interfere in someone's life.

Edited October 1, 2015 by ChromaKelly

[Rockstar99435]

Only on TV, when you  tell a small child to go to their room, run off an play, go see what Grandma has for you, or it's time for bed, they go and do it without complaint. Not "Nooooo!!! I want to stay here with yoooouuu!!! You can't make me!!!!"

 

Along that same vein, only on TV will students sit in their desks, actively engaged in learning until the bell rings. They never start packing up their stuff, pulling out their phones, or lining up at the door when there is 5-10 minutes left in class because "C'mon miss. Class is almost over." 

[ChromaKelly]

Everyone also has a passport so they can board a Dramatic Plane at the last minute. Plus shitloads of money to buy that last minute ticket to Yemen.

Along that same vein, only on TV will students sit in their desks, actively engaged in learning until the bell rings. They never start packing up their stuff, pulling out their phones, or lining up at the door when there is 5-10 minutes left in class because "C'mon miss. Class is almost over." 

Plus teachers seemingly don't plan their lessons very well. They are in the middle of a discussion or putting the Pythagorean Theorem on the blackboard when the bell rings. I guess after 10 years of teaching the same subject, it comes as a shock that their class is X minutes long.

[paulvdb]

Everyone also has a passport so they can board a Dramatic Plane at the last minute. Plus shitloads of money to buy that last minute ticket to Yemen.

Even teenagers apparently have enough money for those last minute tickets. During the season premiere of the current season of Liv and Maddie I was wondering if Diggie and Maddie had saved up their allowance to pay for their tickets. And it ended up being all for nothing because they decided that going to Australia as a foreign exchange student was such a great opportunity for Diggie that he shouldn't stay in America to be with Maddie.