S05.E08: The Joke

[formerlyfreedom]

The battle for Kattegat begins; as the two armies line up to fight, the Great Heathen Army must decide between a final plea for peace or all-out war; Floki faces discord among the settlers.

[Silverglitter]

Halfdan's hair is just so funny. I just can't help but actually laugh out loud at it.

[magdalene]

Ivar finally lost a fight.  I am sure he'll have the last laugh eventually but for now - yeah!

Edited January 11, 2018 by magdalene

[Silverglitter]

Well, I sense the end of Aethelwulf coming. Why else would they be pulling the "he's not really my daddy, he only cares about Aethelred" crap with Alfred? Ugh!

[nodorothyparker]

The Joke is that they managed to drag this asinine battle out for a full episode.  I must have muttered "dumbasses" fully a dozen times as unnamed Vikings slaughtered other unnamed Vikings when at least a couple of the named characters have larger aspirations beyond who gets to sit in a shitty horned chair.

[magdalene]

Ivar lost his pet bishop to Lagertha.  I still think Heahmund ain't all that for everybody to want him so much.

I see a re-write of the Aethelwulf/Alfred relationship coming to suit upcoming plot - and yes, Aethelwulf is bound to be the loser in it.

Nobody ever gave a damn on this show about Aethelred before - it's so contrived to start now.

[Silverglitter]

11 minutes ago, magdalene said:

Ivar lost his pet bishop to Lagertha.  I still think Heahmund ain't all that for everybody to want him so much.

And it'll be excruciating, cause, let's face it. Katheryn Winnick is a mediocre actor at best, herself.

[PityFree]

Ugh,  i’m really not happy that the bishop isn’t actually dead. I don’t like his character. He’s just really annoying 

[LittleIggy]

I can see Lagertha getting Heahmund all hot and bothered. He’s never met a woman like that before. 

The Sami are pretty awesome guerilla warriors. Too bad Hvitserk didn’t get hit with a dart.

Judith (who has aged even less than Lagertha) should remind Alfred that Ecbert isn’t his grandfather either. Asshole, Aethelwulf raised you instead of smothering you in your crib.

[Stratego]

Now that Kattegat is settled Bjorn can return to the Med--where his destiny awaits!

I have to laugh at these battles--real combatants were generally in very close quarters--like a phalanx or wedges.

The "chiefs" would be surrounded by the best warriors when they fought--which wasn't often! Then there is the proficiency of the women in battle!

[Andromeda]

So glad Ivar got his ass kick. HAHAHAHA. Hate him. I don't even love to hate him, I just hate him. So sick of him. 

I love the glimpse of another people, the Sami. I had never heard of them before, but I could tell by their dress when they were introduced that they were from Lapland. That's something, anyway, lol.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Andromeda

[Ravenya003]

So after all that tension established in the pre-battle talks in which we realize that brother is pitted against brother, friend against friend, lover against lover ... none of those combatants ever come face to face with each other in the fight itself. Sigh.

I enjoyed watching the Sami fight in the forest (pretty sure I saw reindeer balls girl with her war-paint on) and it's a nice continuation of Lagertha pointing out that that particular terrain is their strength.

Not sure why Lagertha was getting pissy with Astrid when she KNOWS she was kidnapped AND sent pertinent information about the coming attack. Anything she says in front of her husband is obviously just to protect herself. (In any case, I bet Hirst is regretting having Astrid screw Bjorn last season, and I'm assuming the complete lack of either party acknowledging this is his way of asking us to forget too).

I like to think that Lagertha spared Heahmund after hearing he was a Saxon priest because he reminds her of Athelstan (and clearly didn't want to share that information with Ubbe). In any case I'm interested to see what they'll make of each other. 

Not hugely interested in Floki's subplot. 

[Stratego]

28 minutes ago, Ravenya003 said:

 

I like to think that Lagertha spared Heahmund after hearing he was a Saxon priest because he reminds her of Athelstan (and clearly didn't want to share that information with Ubbe). In any case I'm interested to see what they'll make of each other. 

 

There has to be a reason why the bishop character was brought to Kattegat--or for that matter in this season at all.  At best Heahmund is a "MacGuffin". One curious point is that everyone who sees Heahmond's sword is in awe of it. I sure hope that this gets explained (and developed) soon.

[The Kings Foot]

1 hour ago, Stratego said:

There has to be a reason why the bishop character was brought to Kattegat--or for that matter in this season at all.  At best Heahmund is a "MacGuffin". One curious point is that everyone who sees Heahmond's sword is in awe of it. I sure hope that this gets explained (and developed) soon.

His sword is probably Damascus steel, which they've never seen before. 

[benteen]

I really wish after he got the drink thrown into his face, Ubbe would have kicked that crutch out from under Ivar.  Ivar really looked like a coward at the end of that battle though, not wanting to get involved.

LOL that now all of a sudden everyone cares about Aethelwulf's real son...what's his name again?

Torvi, don't trust your kids with Ubbe's wife.

I really did like this episode though and the battle.  It was great seeing all of those characters together and playing such a prominent role.  Loved the color banner and especially the pre-war negotiation.   But the battle definitely loses points for not having any of them actually fight one other.  Definitely hurt the battle and the episode.  Harald and Halfdan have a nice interaction though.  I admit, I'm looking forward to see Lagertha interact with Bishop "DON'T CALL ME YOUR GRACE" Heahmund.  Also liked seeing how the Sami fight.

Edited January 11, 2018 by benteen

[The Kings Foot]

One problem I have with the battle is that the previous episode lied to us. As Ivar predicted Team Lagertha did plan an attack on the boats. But they didn't do it here. Why and when they change their plan? 

[Babalooie]

Regarding The Bishop's sword that was given to him by Ivar, it got Lagertha's attention.  I thought it could be this sword, but after reading the description, I guess that Lagertha is still in possession of it.

 

http://vikings.wikia.com/wiki/Sword_of_Kings

[nowornever]

Ivar missed the battle entirely, and then sat by when he heard it going on?  Doesn't seem like him.  He couldn't have known that Lagertha was the one who was going to lead the raid on the boats, and I thought he'd want to hunt her down himself.  

Quote

 I must have muttered "dumbasses" fully a dozen times as unnamed Vikings slaughtered other unnamed Vikings when at least a couple of the named characters have larger aspirations beyond who gets to sit in a shitty horned chair.

Me too.  I also said it about Alfred, who was being a petulant little snowflake.  

Torvi has to have better options for babysitters.  Good Lord.  I was also a little afraid that someone would find Guthrum among the dead.  The Sami fighting style was terrifying.  

[green]

11 hours ago, Stratego said:

Now that Kattegat is settled Bjorn can return to the Med--where his destiny awaits!

I have to laugh at these battles--real combatants were generally in very close quarters--like a phalanx or wedges.

The "chiefs" would be surrounded by the best warriors when they fought--which wasn't often! Then there is the proficiency of the women in battle!

The battle isn't settled.  Only the first fight.  There is still a large army within a day's march of Kattegat and Ivar isn't a quitter.  And there will be plenty of one-on-one main character battle/interactions before the battle is over I am sure.

9 hours ago, Andromeda said:

So glad Ivar got his ass kick. HAHAHAHA. Hate him. I don't even love to hate him, I just hate him. So sick of him. 

I love the glimpse of another people, the Sami. I had never heard of them before, but I could tell by their dress when they were introduced that they were from Lapland. That's something, anyway, lol.

Yes.  Sami was both the ancient and now again preferred name for what the 20th century books always called Laplanders.  They were like Ewoks in this battle.  Fun to see Hvitserk totally lose it over them.

8 hours ago, Stratego said:

There has to be a reason why the bishop character was brought to Kattegat--or for that matter in this season at all.  At best Heahmund is a "MacGuffin". One curious point is that everyone who sees Heahmond's sword is in awe of it. I sure hope that this gets explained (and developed) soon.

Hirst said he read about some warrior priests back in the day and thought cool let us throw this into the storyline.  Templars are big these days and we will get people thinking they are like pre-Templar types.

1 hour ago, Babalooie said:

Regarding The Bishop's sword that was given to him by Ivar, it got Lagertha's attention.  I thought it could be this sword, but after reading the description, I guess that Lagertha is still in possession of it.

 

http://vikings.wikia.com/wiki/Sword_of_Kings

But in this case it was Bishop BadActor's sword.  Ivar took it from him when he was captured then returned it to him for the battle because he said the true owner of the sword can only wield it the best of some sort of crap like that.

Edited January 11, 2018 by green

[Ohwell]

I was wondering who those forest guerrillas were; I'd forgotten all about the Samis.  I'm guessing that Hvitserk shit in his pants.

I loved the killer, crazy-eyed looks that Ubbe and Bjorn were giving to their opponents before the fighting started.  Ubbe, in particular, reminded me of Ragnar when he was getting ready to get off in battle. 

[wlk68]

18 hours ago, Ravenya003 said:

o after all that tension established in the pre-battle talks in which we realize that brother is pitted against brother, friend against friend, lover against lover ... none of those combatants ever come face to face with each other in the fight itself. Sigh.

I enjoyed watching the Sami fight in the forest (pretty sure I saw reindeer balls girl with her war-paint on) and it's a nice continuation of Lagertha pointing out that that particular terrain is their strength.

Not sure why Lagertha was getting pissy with Astrid when she KNOWS she was kidnapped AND sent pertinent information about the coming attack. Anything she says in front of her husband is obviously just to protect herself. (In any case, I bet Hirst is regretting having Astrid screw Bjorn last season, and I'm assuming the complete lack of either party acknowledging this is his way of asking us to forget too).

I like to think that Lagertha spared Heahmund after hearing he was a Saxon priest because he reminds her of Athelstan (and clearly didn't want to share that information with Ubbe). In any case I'm interested to see what they'll make of each other. 

Not hugely interested in Floki's subplot. 

In regards to Heamund, I kept telling the tv screen "He's nothing like Aethelstan, Lagertha. Don't let your guard down".

 

Also not hugely interested in Floki's subplot either. Was kinda pissed that while everyone else is busting their hump trying to creating housing, he's sitting there brooding. Get off your ass and help! After all, this is your big idea! 

Edited January 12, 2018 by wlk68

[Yanks99]

First time poster here!

This season has been very subpar so far which I sort of expected without Ragnar. Last night's episode in particular was a disappointment to me. It's find that Ivar loses, obviously he can't win every battle, but he's been portrayed as this elite strategist and then goes on to get outsmarted incredibly easily last night. And I still don't see the point to the bishop. I was positive he wouldn't die last night because that'd make him even more pointless but I still don't see what the point of him is.

Isn't Lagertha technically a usurper since she killed the rightful queen, Aslaug? And then she went on about how no one would respect Ivar since he would be a usurper if he killed her and was named king. Technically she's a usurper as well. Although it seems like people like Lagertha a lot more than they did Aslaug and do Ivar. 

[Ohwell]

Welcome!

The reason I didn't like Aslaug is that she rode into Kattegat, pregnant after having slept with Ragnar, Lagertha's husband, and took Lagertha completely by surprise, and she decided to leave Kattegat.   (Of course, that hound Ragnar would have preferred to have both women around.)  So basically, as far as I'm concerned, Aslaug was the first usurper and Lagertha was the rightful queen.  

23 minutes ago, Yanks99 said:

Although it seems like people like Lagertha a lot more than they did Aslaug and do Ivar. 

You got that right.

[nodorothyparker]

Considering that the Vikings as shown seem to have fairly flexible standards for what makes a king or queen, including setting yourself up as ruler in whatever stinky little village seems to be handy and bumping off the last person who claimed the title, it's actually kind of amusing that they now want to split hairs at all over who's really the "usurper."  Aslaug seemed to be queen for quite a few years for no other reason than she was married to the king who wandered off and no one during all that time, including the king's one grown son who probably could have made a legitimately regarded claim for it, showed any inclination to take the throne from her.  Once Lagertha shot her in the back though, it's like the regular citizenry of Kattegat collectively shrugged and said "well, I guess she's queen now."

[thuganomics85]

Dammit, Ubbe!  You should have totally just kicked Ivar's crutch out from under him after he threw that drink in your face!  Yeah, yeah, that might not have been noble and all that shit, but it would have been hilarious watching that bastard eat dirt in front of everyone (especially Lagertha.)

So, Team Lagertha takes the first battle thanks to a whole bunch of moving parts, but it basically boils down to Team Ivar (sorry Harald, but we know who is really in charge here) not expecting the Samis, and Ivar more or less moving too many steps ahead, when he could have just stopped after his first few plans.  Oh, Ivar!  You're too smart for your own good, sometimes!  That being said, all this just makes me think even more that Lagertha is doomed, because this was only the warm-up.  Not of the major players even faced off, which I'm sure is bound to happen.  Have a feeling Harald/Halfdan could end up heartbreaking, which is something I never thought I would typed considering those two.

So, Heahmund is now a prisoner of Lagertha, it seems.  The guy is just getting passed around everywhere.  The season's going to end with him somehow on Floki's island at this rate.

Speaking of which, things still seem to be rough over there, and I suspect it's mainly just a set-up for a big Viking Edge vs. Viking Dyson showdown, which I'm so looking forward to!

Why you being a dick now, Alfred?  For all of his flaws, Aethelwulf has done right by you and has tried to be a good father, even though he knows you're Athelstan's blood.  Aethelwulf deserves a better family.

Margrethe holding Torvi's baby really set me on edge.  I would not put anything past her.

Enjoying the budding partnership between Bjorn and Ubbe.

If Valhalla does exist, I really do wonder what Ragnar has to be thinking seeing all of his family being bloodthirsty fools and turning on one another.

[Ohwell]

I did think that the brother to brother talks were kind of sweet (for Vikings), with Harold telling Halfdan, and Bjorn (or was it Ubbe?) telling Hvitserk that they didn't want to have to kill them.  Actually, I'm more concerned about the Harold/Halfdan relationship because those two have kind of grown on me (yeah, I know, they're Vikings, but still...).  I don't care about Hvitserk.  

[Silverglitter]

6 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

I don't care about Hvitserk.  

Who does?

Well, Ubbe, but honestly, dude may be a little too nice/forgiving for his own good.

[nitrofishblue]

My, does Ivar tuck tail and run when the going gets tough. Need to know more about the Sami. Who are they supporting?

[Ohwell]

7 minutes ago, nitrofishblue said:

My, does Ivar tuck tail and run when the going gets tough. Need to know more about the Sami. Who are they supporting?

The Sami are supporting Lagertha.

[Babalooie]

3 hours ago, Yanks99 said:

he's been portrayed as this elite strategist and then goes on to get outsmarted incredibly easily last night.

Welcome, Yanks99.  In an interview, Alex Andersen said that this was just a battle, not a war.  We'll see, I guess.  It's taking forever.

[jackjill89]

My nitpick is with the yellow and blue flags. They were so brightly colored and looked like they were made out of synthetic material. Vikings color guard. I was expecting even more of choreographed movements. Maybe that's what they spend their off time doing in Viking land. It really took me out of what was going on. Was it visually interesting? Sure, but really people. While I'm not up on my Vikings history, it seemed funny to all of a sudden have these two sides have matching, color coded flags. 

I also took issue with the battle as a whole. Have we ever seen them come, drums in hand, marching their armies to battle like this? Aren't they typically stealth attackers? It seemed way too "civilized" for them. Did the armies of the countries they raided rub off on them? Like I said, I don't know about Viking history, so this could have been completely plausible. It certainly was a new twist for the show.

[green]

2 hours ago, thuganomics85 said:

So, Heahmund is now a prisoner of Lagertha, it seems.  The guy is just getting passed around everywhere.  The season's going to end with him somehow on Floki's island at this rate.

Oh please let that happen.  Two religious fundamentalists together on an island in the middle of the ocean.  Perfect. 

(Remember when Aethelwulf was Floki's religious fundamentalist counterpart?  Man, Bishop BadActor makes Aethelwulf look like a mild-mannered Unitarian by comparison).

jackjill89, we posted at the same time.  I'm with you on the blue and orange flags.  It was like some college drill team stuff.  But no the Vikings weren't stealthy usually unless it was a teeny tiny band raiding.  And yes they were absorbing other cultures as the years passed which is one of the major themes of this show I believe.  Two strange cultures meet, usually fight out of the fear of "other" or because one like the Vikings are an aggressor and just likes to raid and kill people in general which gets inter-cultural relations off on a bad foot.  But then over the years they start merging as they eventually learn from one another and marry one another etc etc.  But it takes time and unfortunately blood.  But that is basically History 101 in a nutshell.

Of course that still doesn't explain the blue and orange drill teams.  Saxons weren't into that stuff either and the Vikings hadn't raided the SEC or Big Ten as of yet.

Edited January 12, 2018 by green

[Haleth]

Aside from the color coded flags, I wonder how in these chaotic battles people knew who to fight.  The shields?  Were the shields painted in clan colors or something?  Seems like they'd be just slashing and smashing anything that came close, running the risk of death by friendly fire, especially after shields were dropped.

Hvitserk was remarkably clean after the battle. 

Was that Princess Reindeer Balls in the mask?  

Edited January 12, 2018 by Haleth

[Babalooie]

23 hours ago, jackjill89 said:

My nitpick is with the yellow and blue flags. They were so brightly colored and looked like they were made out of synthetic material. Vikings color guard.

Yep.  I told the hubby that it looked like a high school halftime show.

23 hours ago, green said:

I'm with you on the blue and orange flags. 

They looked blue and gold on my TV.  Being a Gator, I would have perked up at the orange and blue.  Either way, it was a new addition to their battle regalia.

Edited January 12, 2018 by Babalooie

[Son of the Norse]

Son of the Norse's Weekly Recap!!!

...Oops, let me put my loin cloth back on...

 

It's that time again fellow CVFs!  For the moment you have all have been waiting for!

Due to popular demand (via the many private messages you all send me), you have requested first a weekly recap of my adventures and travels prior to my recap of the latest Vikings installment; so here goes!

Today I just returned to the homeland; I have spent the last 5 days in the hills of Bad Tolz, Germany (being an independent world traveler, I like to visit different locations every week).  I was able to watch the show with my helpful GICD (global internet connectivity device) that is always by my side.  The night of the show I was relaxing on the tallest hill of Bad Tolz, without another soul within many miles.  As I lay there in the snow, completely bare except for my bear skin loin cloth, I gazed up at the stars.  I prayed to the Gods for wisdom, and my sincere hope to one day rival the true brilliance of GREEN (my favorite CVF) and his many insightful words of wisdom.  As I waited for the show time to start I had a vision and saw myself as if from above.  I saw myself, as the Gods above would see me.  My sun bronzed body contrasting against the pure white snow.  As I gazed upon myself, I could see why so many people have worshiped me from afar;  Bronzed skin, Piercing ice blue eyes, the torso of Rollo, and the buns of Achilles (as played by Brad Pitt in Troy).  I prayed that if there is such a thing as reincarnation, that I truly wish to come back as myself! LOL  After leaving Barveria, I hopped on a private jet headed the long way home over the Pacific, and stopped off in Apia for a quick Coconut cocktail.... and at last I am home again.  Hope that makes all of my fans happy, now on to the recap of the week!!!

The Joke Recap, in 11 Acts:

1. Lil' Ivar? - 

WTF is up with ItB's hair do?  Next thing you know he will have gold teeth and wear his solid gold Mjolnir pendent that is big as a piece of toast!  Please lose the hairdo!  Boy Band (aka from now on as BB), wants to kill Ub's for fame?  Seriously?  He is not that important yet to garner any fame.  Liked how FH tries to protect his unborn by looking out for SH...the line about; "the Gods choosing SH" made me ill though.  If the Gods chose her, I need to change my faith LOL.  Finally, thanks to GREEN, I will add a new nickname for the Bishop.  BBA (bishop bad actor) is a great handle, thank you o lord of the forum!  The aerial view of Whale-Blubbersville was awesome though!

2. Walkin' like Pimps! - 

Laggy and her posse strutting through K, was awesome.  Not too worried about Blah blah blah baby sitting.  She showed no malice on her face.  Like HtB's response to Bj's question about killing his bro; "sometimes trees have to fall in the forest".

3. Flokiville part 22.5 - 

The Raven on Flok's shoulder was very Odinlike.  FFW continues to stand up for him no matter what (she is going to throw herself at him very soon me thinks).  Don't know why Bitcher Bitchersson calls Edge Flat Nose?  His nose isn't flat to me.  Best line of this act (and maybe the whole show), was Bitchersson's comment; "I think Floki deserves to have his ass licked".  I almost choked on my crystal glass of Courvoisier when he said it LOL! Lastly, it is obvious that peeps are taking side...might we have another civil war on hand?  Where is Tony Stark when you need him.

4. Battle lines - 

The two groups gather at the river, over the hills and valllleeeyyyy.  Bj and HtB meet with FH and BB.  Decide that they shall meet on the morrow; exchange prisoners, but no blows yet.

5. Meanwhile, back at Laggy's camp - 

Drop the Mic moment of this show is when Bjorn says about the Bishop; "He will do well to stay out of MY WAY"! Loved it! Looking at a close up of HtB's hair do, I personally like it.  Very carefree, yet focused on modern Viking style.  Lastly, I enjoyed BBA's prayer this episode, even though he (the actor), still sucks!

6. Bringing our lounge chairs to war -

Ubbe pleads for forgiveness (he's scared). Liked Laggy's idea of combining forces....if they did, the GHA would look like the little Rascals compared to that group. SH continues to gross me out.  You can tell by Bj's words that both sides know that ItB calls the shots for his side of warriors.  Laggy's usurper line seemed awkward. Ragnar crying in Valhalla, I think not...never really showed much love for the kids anyway in mho. Ivar shows true emotion when he talks about regretting killing his snakey eyed bro. When he said; "I can't kill my bro's", I believe on the inside he is truly sincere (at least when it comes to killing them himself).  

7. Pourin' out one for the homies -

FH is pissed off with the meeting of leaders and wastes some perfectly good mead.  When ItB says; "I can't brake my promise!  Of course I'm going to kill her", it gave me goose bumps on my bum.  You notice the fear in Ubbe's eyes? They start to look like they are going to throw down as a group with their pointy HS spirit flags, but it is put off for another day.  You get to see SH looking longingly at her real love; Laggy.  You can tell that she wishes that she was with child with Laggy, more than anything else in her world.  Lastly, HtB deserved to be punched after really hurting FH's feelings of brotherly love.

8. The King and his son (aka; ol' what's his name?) - 

King and son continue to play fight against other peep's that don't want to hurt them.Alfred continues to show his intelligence, and "building ships" is a bright idea.  King saying "My Son", is just  a dagger in Alfred's heart, who is quick to point out; "he's not my father".

9. Stroking the Raven -

Floki continues to stroke, while his future wife continues to worship his every word.

10. The Battle Begins!!! - 

Ivar decides what the battle plans will be for his group.  He is smart staying where he is.  He is like the king in Hnefatafl who wisely sends out his pawns to sacrifice themselves to make room for his victory move.  He sends BB to the woods (did Ivar know what was waiting there..mmmm?).  FH has SH thrown on a horse like a punk.  Both groups "war faces" were fun to look at, even though Bj's early on face was less than intimidating (it got better later on).  No shield wall for either side; just "Attack", did seem out of character.  BBA shows his skills on the battle field, and gets his fill of "heathen blood" for his god's justice.  Was not impressed with the Sami's gorilla/cowards attack.  Do they not wish to go to Valhalla some day?  Everyone else kicked ass as well, including Laggy and specially FIsh Eyes, who was kicking major A!  I wish Ugly son would of got split in two in his first melee, but no such luck.  That one shield maiden who got Shield stomped, was gruesome to behold & the arm falling half off thing was pretty sick as well.  Ivar showed he is still a smart leader when he said it was; "Too late".  He recognizes more than peep's give him credit for.  Did you see how many died on the battle field?  Civil war is such a bad and bloody thing.  You know he is telling the truth when ItB says; "They will regret this day"!

11. The pretty sword -

Laggy likes the sword and saves BBA from death....and the show cuts to credits way too soon....

 

That's all for this week folks! I need to finish my 4 hours of Hot Yoga I started while writing this, then pack my bags for Bolivia!  I plan to travel around South America this coming week and swim in the waters of the Amazon.  Will send all my fans pictures if I get the time.

As a reminder; I am terribly busy.  Please stop private messaging me asking for autographs, or pieces of your under garments to be signed by me... I simply don't have the free time to accommodate you.

Peace and love, peace and love.....SotN!

 

First 5 peeps to reply to this post or like it, will get a special limited edition SotN token!!!! 

Edited January 12, 2018 by Son of the Norse

[Babalooie]

54 minutes ago, Son of the Norse said:

with their pointy HS spirit flags,

The halftime show flags would have clashed with the colors of the shields making up the shield wall.  Let's try not to have them on the battlefield at the same time.

Thanks,

Your Viking Interior/Exterior Decorator

[Son of the Norse]

5 minutes ago, Babalooie said:

The halftime show flags would have clashed with the colors of the shields making up the shield wall.  Let's try not to have them on the battlefield at the same time.

Thanks,

Your Viking Interior/Exterior Decorator

Thank you "Ricky", you have earned the first Token!! :)

[magdalene]

I thought Renaissance Fair when I saw the flags.

[Stratego]

I can't hold back any more...

Those Sami darts have fastest damn poison ever devised! Where did it come from? What is it? I wonder why no one else (oh say for the next 12 centuries) hasn't continued to use it?

Archers were shown when marching out of Kattegat (yes Vikings did have them!) but nobody used them! Normally they are placed like artillery (well behind the front) used in volleys against a massed formation.  Also used against the enemy leaders. Thus, there would be shields used in the attack.

Horses were shown when Lagertha, Bjorn, and Ubbe left the town--but why did they lose them? Mounted knights are really effective (not so good if archers are near though) as shown by the bishop in York.

That battle would have been decisive and the GHA would have withdrawn to the ships. If a second assault is forthcoming, I cry BS! This is not some professional army that trains as an army--they are individuals would fight in packs (local leaders) who have pledged allegiance to someone like Ivar. That allegiance only lasts in victory.

[mcjen]

2 hours ago, magdalene said:

I thought Renaissance Fair when I saw the flags.

And I thought, when did the Vikings adopt Japanese samurai warrior-type flags?  And how does it just happen that the two sides opposed in this fight have perfectly matched flags in opposing colors?  I do love how other posters have likened them to color guard flags.  "And now, taking the field, the Kattegut Drum & Bugle Corps, playing "Let It Go", followed by a medley from "Hamilton"!  Let's give 'em a big hand!"

[alvajon]

Son of the Norse -- I truly enjoy your clever and humorous takes on the show, but honestly I can’t keep up/and/or remember all the acronyms.  It would be nice to post a little legend at the bottom of your weekly posts.  Enjoy the Amazon!

[Son of the Norse]

4 hours ago, alvajon said:

Son of the Norse -- I truly enjoy your clever and humorous takes on the show, but honestly I can’t keep up/and/or remember all the acronyms.  It would be nice to post a little legend at the bottom of your weekly posts.  Enjoy the Amazon!

Good Morning CVF!

Alvajon, I have just read your comments while I was feeling the soothing sensations of overwhelming peace as I strolled through a special "mid night showing" of the beautiful Estuary in San Jose Del Cabo on my lay over to Bolivia; and you are correct!  That is a splendid Idea!  Just a moment....

...sorry, I had to say thank you to my old friend Esteban Del Fucca for opening up the Estuary just for me on this lovely night at 2 am PST.  You see he owed me a special favor from the time he worked in Chile at a very large Salmon Hatchery down there.  It is a heart warming story that I will share now as I  ride with my escort back to the airport.

I was hiking through Chile with my kayak over my head after arriving at Concepcion that morning...I had just spent several days kayaking over 2000 miles from Easter Island where I had spent 3 special days sunbathing nude on an almost isolated beech near a giant Moai statue; while local Rapa Nui hotties fanned my glistening body with woven fans they had made in the honor of my arrival.  Anyway; I heard this scream near the parking lot of a large Salmon hatchery; it turns out that Esteban's wife was visiting him to bring him lunch during his break.  Rosita (his wife), was only 8 months pregnant, but she was having triplets and went into labor right there in the parking lot!  I ran over to see if I could help them and they were both in a panic as Rosita cried out in Spanish; "The babies, they are coming"!  Of course I offered to help the desperate couple.  I poured some sterile water (that I carry always for just such occasions) over my hands and washed them.  Minutes later, 3 healthy boys were cradled in my arms.  I checked them over real quick to make sure they were okay and then sat them all on the mother's bosom so she could start bonding with them.  Esteban, who was in tears, hugged me and said he was going to name all 3 sons in honor of his new friend and savoir.  I checked with him this morning; and his three,  now 12 year old boys (Grim, Tori, and SotN Jr) are all doing great!!!

As for your idea on the legend; here are a few for this weeks post above:

CVF/crazy viking fans, GICD/global internet connectivity device, Green/the poster on here that is called Green, ItB/Ivar the boneless, BB/is boy band aka Hvitserk, Ub's/Ubbe, HtB/Halfdan the Black, Bj/Bjorn, FFF/Floki's future wife, FH/King Harald fine hair, and SK/Skank hair as in Astrid.  That is all I have time for now...I have arrived at the airport and the locals here at the terminal are gathering around me to ask if I can be in their selfies.  See you all later my friends!

Edited January 12, 2018 by Son of the Norse

[Babalooie]

11 hours ago, Son of the Norse said:

Thank you "Ricky", you have earned the first Token!! :)

Not everyone could read into my handle and know it's Ricky.  Props to you, SOTN.  Speaking of Floki  and FFF earlier, he was always my favorite character, but his Iceland adventures are now becoming quite tiresome. We need more action in his story.  I guess he was better feeding off of Ragnar's character in the early episodes.

[Captanne]

Saw the episode last night and enjoyed it!  The banners did stand out to me as kind of overly dramatic but Hirst has been consistently so good at doing his homework, I would like to research that accuracy before I criticize it.  

Bishop BadActor is SO BAD.  What is that voice he's using?  

I do not like Floki or the actor one whit but I am finding this role for him much more challenging and satisfying than merely copying Gollum (and not as well as Serkin did it.)  I really enjoyed pensive, frustrated, angry Floki with the Raven (Ragnar's familiar) on his shoulder.  Of course, I'm a sucker for a good raven (see: personal avatar.)

More often than not, I'm ambivalent to fight scenes but I enjoyed this.  I'm surprised, though, that it was so formal.  Wasn't this originally supposed to be an ambush and Girlfriend got herself gangraped in order to warn Lagertha?  Why wasn't Ivar surprised that Lagertha was there, ready and prepared?

[Ohwell]

10 minutes ago, Captanne said:

Wasn't this originally supposed to be an ambush and Girlfriend got herself gangraped in order to warn Lagertha?  Why wasn't Ivar surprised that Lagertha was there, ready and prepared?

Now that you mention it, I wonder if Harald and Ivar will put their heads together and realize that Lagertha was tipped off.  I think Astrid is in big trouble.

[benteen]

16 hours ago, green said:

Oh please let that happen.  Two religious fundamentalists together on an island in the middle of the ocean.  Perfect. 

It would be very nice to see Floki having to deal with a fundamentalist type on the other side.  One that he wouldn't be able to cut down.

[Captanne]

Just now, benteen said:

One that he wouldn't be able to cut down.

Literally.

[Yanks99]

19 hours ago, Babalooie said:

Welcome, Yanks99.  In an interview, Alex Andersen said that this was just a battle, not a war.  We'll see, I guess.  It's taking forever.

Thanks for the welcome everyone. I understand that and I fully believe that there will be another big battle on the mid-season finale. I also think someone major will probably die in the mid-season finale. Just didn't like how he was so easily outsmarted. But oh well, he has to lose sometime. 

[tennisgurl]

3 hours ago, benteen said:

It would be very nice to see Floki having to deal with a fundamentalist type on the other side.  One that he wouldn't be able to cut down.

That would be awesome, I would totally watch Floki and The Bishop just screaming at each other about whos gods are the big fat fakers while trying to stab each other. 

I admit, I enjoyed seeing Ivar taken down a peg. He really lost hard in this one, and the only thing he can say he won is that his whole army wasn't totally decimated. And he didn't even show up for the fight, even when Astrid wanted to get involved. The battle was pretty cool, but I can never tell how anyone can actually tell who they're actually supposed to be fighting in these kinds of things. Do they all have a color scheme in their war paint or something? Is this just something everyone knew back then? At least in other fights like this, the two sides are wearing different colors or uniforms or something, but here, its a whole bunch of Vikings wearing brown weilding axes. 

Seeing the Sami fight was both awesome and scary. Lagertha made a really good call partnering with them, they make for great warriors who can really take down the Vikings, who have an extremely different fighting style. I always love seeing different cultures on this show, and I hope we get to explore them a bit more beyond Bjorns crush on the Sami princess. Also, I laughed WAY too hard at seeing Hvitserk scampering away like a scared rabbit. Ivar might be a psycho, and Ubbe might be naive, but Hvitserk is my least favorite brother, because he is a schmuck. 

 What was up with Alfred being all "Aethelwulf isn't my real daddy he isn't as good as my real daddy" all of the sudden? Yeah he isn't his biological dad (and if Alfred wants to feel connected with his bio dad, thats fine) but he IS the man who didn't kill him as an infant bastard his wife had with her boyfriend (as many men, let alone kings, of that time would have) and instead raised him with love and acceptance as his son and a prince, and I think that owes a certain amount of loyalty. Poor Aethelwulf. He is the Rodney Dangerfield of the Saxons, he just gets no respect. 

Edited January 12, 2018 by tennisgurl

[green]

Yeah the whole Alfred scene was weird because up until now he has been really close and loving towards Aethelwulf.  They bonded big time on that pilgrimage to Rome and there was a number of sweet scenes between the two later on.  Poor writing there to abruptly put an artificial wedge between the two.

Speaking of that pilgrimage to Rome, when is Alfred going to bust out that cool looking sword the pope gave him back then?  I mean we have the sword of Horick (spelling?) that Ragnar took and Mr Magic Blade that Bishop BadActor wields.  Time for Alfred to join the crowd of mythic blade owners.

Also who does have the Horick/Ragnar blade these days?  I remember Ragnar taunting his grown kids with it when he returned from his multi-year walkabout to wherever doing whatever.  Who of his sons would be man enough to take it from him he was asking in that dusty road scene.  Ivar was crawling around in the dirt hissing like a snake in heat over it I remember.  Did Ragnar finally give it to him or did Hirst just forget about that mythic blade?