All Episodes Talk: All Rise

[AngelaHunter]

OMG, Nylon-Wigged Smother Mother? Hated! The perma-smirk,  The Gollum-like obsequiousness, the sick living through an 8-year old (and she looked too old to have a kid that age) her revolting "witness" who I was hoping would open her big trap again so Byrd could throw her out) and the fact that she wanted her child there to hear the fight over money foolishly spent on children? Ugh. I guess her husband wanted no part of this disgusting display or maybe he was ordered to keep out of it.

However, "Valencia" who is 20 and disabled and tried to palm off her friend's carelessly spawned baby on her own mother so she and friends could live it up in her "pre-paid" apartment (?) WAY topped Greasy Wig's case. Mom, who looked about 13 years older than Valencia, seemed to think this was all funny and occupied herself with playing with and pulling on HER wig to the point I feared it might fall off, already has a two -year old herself and had the gall to want something official before taking in a baby. Valencia found that pretty outrageous - I mean, just take this kid.  It's a nuisance! Gee, Valencia probably does nothing all day so she could have earned a few bucks under the table caring for it while the baby's mom works. Oh, right. Never mind. Silly me. Unbelievable. When I was doing animal rescue, we didn't give away kittens so thoughtlessly. OMG. Mandatory sterilization - I believe in it more than ever. Or maybe just chastisty belts would do.

[stephinmn]

What was the concert the kids went to? I never got that part.

[basiltherat]

The above mentioned "I was a government official for 15 years; I don't tell lies" made me laugh out loud, and I was alone.  She looked so much like Annie Wilkes I was scared what she was doing with an indoor/outdoor cat (at least it wasn't a pig named Misery).

13 year old Mace sprayer was a future women's pen resident -- and her mom was the same, just like Greazy Wig Mom!

[Mondrianyone]

1 hour ago, stephinmn said:

What was the concert the kids went to? I never got that part.

Jason Sartorius, who I've never even heard of.  Sounds like a Roman centurion.

Greasy Wig Mom's hair apparatus made me think that someone's found a new use for recycled plastic shopping bags and old truck tires.  Mind you, I'm not making fun of her if she has alopecia or some other form of hair loss.  But if that was me, before I'd go renting limos and buying expensive concert tickets for an eight-year-old (who looked a lot older to me in the brief glimpse we got of her), I'd be addressing my hair-replacement options with that money.  And not going on TV till I got that sorted out.  And even then.

[Brattinella]

Dear God, the mace-sprayer!  And her MOM!  Both amoral, disgusting, shameless repugnant people.  And the lies!  How do you go on TV and behave that way??

[NYGirl]

Holy crap that cat woman today!!  My cat did nothing wrong!  I disagree with you.  Me:  rolling my eyes.

[califred]

The cat woman who thinks no leash law means she she's not responsible for her cat.  Oh and she'd never give the wrong phone number.

[Brattinella]

The "incorrect" phone number was pretty funny.  Terrible person.

[AZChristian]

As soon as they compared the last 4 digits and the wrong number ended with 4321, it screamed FAKE. Being a government employee doesn't make you truthful.

[shksabelle]

"I was a government official for 15 years. I don't tell lies."

BWAAAHAAAAAHAAAAA

Best laugh I've had all month. 

[popcornchicken]

4 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

Jason Sartorius, who I've never even heard of.  Sounds like a Roman centurion.

Ah, Jacob Satorius. I guess he’s some sort of famous internet person.

I don’t follow any of this, just leave me be with my jazz records!

[Guest]

8 hours ago, basiltherat said:

13 year old Mace sprayer was a future women's pen resident

"I'm carrying this mace to defend myself against a woman who's having a pedicure and minding her own business." Sounds legit! Even in worst case scenarios, I think those "Stand Your Ground" laws only apply to moments of immediate danger -- not dangers that may (or may not, in this case) have occurred years ago.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

1 hour ago, Giant Misfit said:

"I'm carrying this mace to defend myself against a woman who's having a pedicure and minding her own business."

The best part is that the little delinquent asked, "Do you remember me?" as if the plaintiff was responsible for something horrible that happened to her. Like one of those old Clint Eastwood movies where he's seeking revenge on the band of outlaws who tried to kill him. Nice home training there.

[BusyOctober]

I missed the beginning of L'il Miss Mace-in-the-Face case.  What was her "reason" for spraying the woman in the pedicure chair?  Did the pedi-lady take the last bottle of OPI's newest nail color? How did a grown woman, sitting down with bare feet in mid polish pose an imminent threat to a 13 yo?

[basiltherat]

And L'il Miss Mace WALKED INTO the salon where the woman was, which indicates not fear but belligerence.  And she took extra pains to explain that her usual nail salon was too busy, so she went to this other, and presumably LESSER salon where, of course, PediWoman would go, as she is not nearly as klassy as Lil!  Wonder who is paying for missy's salon services?

[SRTouch]

5 hours ago, Cobalt Stargazer said:

The best part is that the little delinquent asked, "Do you remember me?" as if the plaintiff was responsible for something horrible that happened to her. Like one of those old Clint Eastwood movies where he's seeking revenge on the band of outlaws who tried to kill him. Nice home training there.

Yep, and mommy still doesn't believe her little princess did anything wrong. Heck, just daughter's own testimony has her confronting the woman, and continuing the confrontation after the seated adult said that no she didn't recognize her.

Couple things that I thought of during this case. One, those two daughters sure don't look like 13 year olds. Two, good grief, this 13yo seems to spend way to much time (and money) in salons. Usually goes to some other salon for her nails and comes here for her eye brows, but has had her nails done 4-5 at this place. Third, which I suppose dates me, at 13 I was still calling adults Mister, Miss, and Mrs. It wasn't until I started working part time that I started calling adults by their first name - at work, never socially - and I guarentee not if I was in court standing next to Mom... and BTW, when I think of my parents friends today most of them are still Mr and Mrs So and So. Finally, I think mom and daughter have way too much faith in the stopping power of a little can of pepper spray. A determined attacker is NOT going to stop their attack.... hmmm, maybe she realizes that, and is why she waited a year to attack while the woman was staying with her feet up getting her toes painted.

[patty1h]

I give the victim in the mace spraying case a lot of credit, cause I would have decked that bitch and she would still be walking funny to this day.  Okay, it's a 13 year old kid but if they have enough balls to spray ME with some mace, then they are old enough to take the ass kicking I would throw her.  That may be the Brooklyn in me talking.

Edited September 20, 2017 by patty1h

[Mondrianyone]

The Brooklyn in me hears you.  And I'd add that the victim was twice that kid's size.  Mace-y would not have walked out of that salon on her own power if that had happened to most people I can think of.

[AuntiePam]

JJ didn't like the plaintiff in the mace case either.  The woman had no medical bills to present (her insurance paid everything?) and then she sees an attorney a week later, who refers her to a chiropractor?   No question that there was an injury -- the photo showed a swollen eye -- lucky for her.

[kacesq]

I am scared for our future if our 13-year old perp is emblematic of today's youth.  She had no shame, no remorse - obviously her amazing mom did a great job with her - "She was carrying mace to defend herself!" - not only did the 13-year old storm in and go "do you remember me?" when Plaintiff said no, perp said "I moved my hair and said 'are you sure you don't remember me?'"  At 13.  Yikes.

Going back to greasy wig mom - do these people think they look good when they pick out their attire and styling for JJ?  National tv, people, and as JJ herself would say "being seen by 10 million people"... So I'm totally going to wear some eggplant colored nylon on my head! Winner!

[Brattinella]

5 hours ago, BusyOctober said:

I missed the beginning of L'il Miss Mace-in-the-Face case.  What was her "reason" for spraying the woman in the pedicure chair?  Did the pedi-lady take the last bottle of OPI's newest nail color? How did a grown woman, sitting down with bare feet in mid polish pose an imminent threat to a 13 yo?

There had been some sort of altercation 2 years prior between plaintiff and def, which resulted in a PERM restraining order ON the 13 yr old!  Not allowed within 500 yards (I think) of the plaintiff.  So, I guess Mace-girl simmered for 2 years and then deliberately broke her OWN restraining order to go into the salon where the plaintiff was cornered in one of those huge pedicure chairs.  Yep, FINE parenting there by Mace-Mom!  I weep for our future.

[BusyOctober]

Thanks, Brattinella.   Wow...so she was 11 and had a restraining order against her?!?  Or she was 13 then and now 15?  Either way, quite the resume this future inmate has going for her.  I wonder if she'll be back in front of JJ in 3-4 years with titty-tats and piercings & suing her over indulgent mother for not letting her abandon her kid at her momma's Section 8 housing every weekend so she can relax and "conversate" with her frendz 'bout her man conversatin' wit other females.

[stephinmn]

15 hours ago, popcornchicken said:

Ah, Jacob Satorius. I guess he’s some sort of famous internet person.

I don’t follow any of this, just leave me be with my jazz records!

Never heard of him, so I wiki' d him. He's 14 years old! LOL. 

[Angeltoes]

Quote

Wonder who is paying for missy's salon services?

We the People (but especially Byrd) in some form or fashion.

[Schnickelfritz]

37 minutes ago, stewedsquash said:

Okay I have spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to visualize which way would be upside down...

Let's all enjoy it... No imagination needed

Edited September 20, 2017 by Schnickelfritz

[Silver Raven]

1 hour ago, stephinmn said:

Never heard of him, so I wiki' d him. He's 14 years old! LOL. 

Believe it or not, Jacob Sartorius became famous for lip syncing.

[Jamoche]

Teen mom is cute enough, in a kewpie doll sort of way. Looks-wise, her baby daddy came straight out of central casting for "slack-jawed yokel". Brains-wise - no clue, because he never needs to talk, but momma sure did - JJ just lets her and her mother keep digging deeper and deeper. Absent any sort of custody agreement, Daddy has just as much right as Mommy to take the baby, but neither of the teen mommas (if grandma is even twice her daughter's age, I'll be shocked) seem to get it.

[NYGirl]

I don't think that was her mama.  I think it was her 17 year old friend's mama who took her in and are supporting her and Oliver.  Wow..those 2 were so young to have a baby..immaturity!!  That poor baby.

[Jamoche]

1 minute ago, NYGirl said:

I don't think that was her mama.  I think it was her 17 year old friend's mama who took her in and are supporting her and Oliver.  Wow..those 2 were so young to have a baby..immaturity!!  That poor baby.

OK, I knew there was a grandma involved at some point, but I didn't envy JJ trying to get a coherent story out of them. If I were her, I wouldn't be telling that idiot to get her life together for the kid - I'd be telling her to find an adoption agency. Babies are not like dollies where you can go crying to the grownups when someone takes it away.

[SRTouch]

17 minutes ago, Jamoche said:

Teen mom is cute enough, in a kewpie doll sort of way. Looks-wise, her baby daddy came straight out of central casting for "slack-jawed yokel". Brains-wise - no clue, because he never needs to talk, but momma sure did - JJ just lets her and her mother keep digging deeper and deeper. Absent any sort of custody agreement, Daddy has just as much right as Mommy to take the baby, but neither of the teen mommas (if grandma is even twice her daughter's age, I'll be shocked) seem to get it.

Hmmm, can't imagine why teen mommy isn't still living at home. Ok, pretty harsh of her dad to kick her out at 18, but I can see parents trying tough love - telling her she needs to get a job and contribute towards this child she and dufus made or move out... and a couple weeks working at part time at a fast food place barely pays child care. Oh, and if this is a tough love situation, her parents probably not happy with plaintiff's witness (as noted above, she looks pretty young to have a 17yo daughter, wouldn't surprise me to learn she was a teen mom herself a few years ago). At least it sounds like dufus has a full time job. Again in fast food, but he's stuck with it awhile - with the high turn over in the fast food industry, he could actually become a manager and make a living if he doesn't end up spending all his money on lawyers - oh and his parents are absent, too... he's living at granny's.

Also, as noted above, dufus didn't need to say anything, plaintiff and her witness said enough to lose all on their own... and probably still haven't grasped what JJ was telling them.

[basiltherat]

Teen Mom looked like a young Geena  Davis, only way, way stoopider.  Speaking of stupid, the friend's mom who took her and baby in is also stupid and in for a whole world of pain and expense.  I bet you anything her husband separated himself from her because he wanted no part of Geena and baby.  And its a bad example to the young friend who may decide its kewl to have a baby that Mom will take care of, too.

The car wrapping case sounded like it was one of those internet schemes where you cash this "company" check and give them one  of yours.  And the company's check will of course bouncy bouncy bounce.  It's some sort of money laundering scheme.  Mr. Peck was a simmering jerk, but plaintiff was a nasty piece of work who admitted to vandalizing girlfriend's car while she was in jail.  

So many Judy check-the-boxes today.  And Byrd was feelin' frisky!

[jilliannatalia]

8 hours ago, Silver Raven said:

Believe it or not, Jacob Sartorius became famous for lip syncing.

With celebrities like the Kardashians and the various Real Housewives, I should not be surprised that anyone is famous for lip-syncing.  I am surprised, but I shouldn't be.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Jamoche said:

If I were her, I wouldn't be telling that idiot to get her life together for the kid - I'd be telling her to find an adoption agency.

OMG yes! And she should have also told the both of those fools -- in no uncertain terms -- that they need to use birth control before the make and ruin another child's life. Because we all know, the two of them are gonna be knocking out gifts kids with their every other subsequent boyfriend/girlfriend. 

Byrd better hit the gym. He's gonna need to live to 200 to pay for all of them.

[QuinnM]

What?  No one commenting on Bert making fun of JJ for writing checks?  Making all the people in line at the grocery store wait while she writes a check?  

[AZChristian]

44 minutes ago, QuinnM said:

What?  No one commenting on Bert making fun of JJ for writing checks?  Making all the people in line at the grocery store wait while she writes a check?  

Didn't JJ seem surprised that people don't pay cash at the grocery store????

Here's what happens with check writers in our community at the grocery store (senior adults):

• Stand still doing nothing while cashier rings up items.
• Wait for cashier to announce the amount owed.
• Slowly open cavernous purse and dig out checkbook.
• Dig through purse to look for pen.
• Ask cashier if she has a pen.
• Take pen from cashier and look at it as though you've never seen a pen before.  If there's printing on the barrel of the pen, stop to read it.
• S-l-o-w-l-y take off multiple rubber bands that are wrapped around the checkbook.
• Ask cashier again what the total is.
• Even more s-l-o-w-l-y, write check and hand to cashier.
• Watch cashier review check for accuracy.
• Wait until cashier asks for ID.
• Dig through purse to look for wallet.
• S-l-o-w-l-y take off multiple rubber bands that are wrapped around the wallet.
• Upon getting receipt, s-l-o-w-l-y put receipt, wallet and checkbook back into purse.
• Stand in same spot and dig out car keys.
• Glare at people behind in line who are yelling for them to hurry up and get out of the way.

Just for the record, I'm a self-checkout kind of person.  I've even started using Scan & Go at Sam's Club.  If we're not buying wine, we don't even have to go through a checkout.

[QuinnM]

Quote

Here's what happens with check writers in our community at the grocery store (senior adults)

You forgot when they slowly write the amount of the check in the check register.

Perform careful math on the subtraction.

Look quizzically at the amount.

Balance previous checks written in register to determine the exact point where they missed $0.04.

[khyber]

32 minutes ago, AZChristian said:

Here's what happens with check writers in our community at the grocery store (senior adults):

• Stand still doing nothing while cashier rings up items.

That's the part that chaps my ass.  In the few instances (many years ago) when I wrote a check at the grocery store I had everything except the amount filled in while the scanning was taking place.

[basiltherat]

Hey, at least the senior check-writers don't experience credit card fraud.  And it's still better than granny taking cash out of her cleavage!

[AZChristian]

54 minutes ago, QuinnM said:

You forgot when they slowly write the amount of the check in the check register.

Perform careful math on the subtraction.

Look quizzically at the amount.

Balance previous checks written in register to determine the exact point where they missed $0.04.

We are obviously neighbors and don't know it.

[Sarcastico]

Quote

Mr. Peck was a simmering jerk, but plaintiff was a nasty piece of work who admitted to vandalizing girlfriend's car while she was in jail.  

But that car was not in her (the girlfriend's) name!!! So it doesn't count!!!

[lovesnark]

I was very happy to see JJ give the smackdown to that teenage mother. It infuriates me when stupid, little girls have babies and then think the father is only allowed to be involved when she needs free childcare so she can go out and play or she wants money. That girl should thank her lucky stars that the baby's father has a job and WANTS to be a father to his child. I sure hope he is somehow able to hire an attorney and that he gets 50/50 custody and doesn't have to pay child support to that little brat. She can get off her ass and get a job. In my fantasy world, JJ contacts litigants who need legal representation after the show and gives them the contact info for one of her attorney friends that will represent them for free or JJ will pay the bill.

 Does anyone remember the grandma from a year or so ago that had mortgaged her home to pay legal fees to try to get custody of her grandson after her daughter died? The boy was living with his father and paternal grandmother and grandma was a real witch. The boy hadn't been to school for months and grandma was trying to collect disability for the kid because he was 'sick'. I was really, really hoping JJ helped that woman out with a good attorney after the show was over. JJ was livid at witch grandma.

[Silver Raven]

Our supermarket takes an unsigned, un-filled-in check and runs it through a reader and treats it like a debit card.

[popcornchicken]

4:00 show

Mermaid Mural Madam and her pile of papers sues for her work done for a yogurt shop. Judge Judy was confused about the premise of mermaids and other mythical creatures consuming froyo. So am I. Two yogurts.

Homeless Hairdo: The judge calls the neck and titty tatted defendant useless and hopeless. The defendant quips “you too.” Surprised JJ didn’t pick up on that. At the end she attempts to throw down her papers (and they come down ever so slightly) and she storms out.

 

4:30 show:

High Flying Flim-Flam: Man sells plane. Man delays actually paying for said plane but takes possession of it anyway. Man who buys plane openly admits to hiring “illegals.” In front of 10 million people.

Edited September 21, 2017 by popcornchicken
Typo

[pagooey]

Quote

Didn't JJ seem surprised that people don't pay cash at the grocery store????

If JJ's seen the inside of a grocery store since she was paying cash in a Brooklyn bodega, I'll...I'll...uh, I'll write a check at the grocery store! 

I did laugh and laugh at that whole exchange she had with Byrd, though. My late Grammy--a tiny ringer for JJ herself!--both walked to our local supermarket almost daily, AND wrote a check every. single. one. of those times. For $5 over the total, so she could have a smidgen of pocket cash. ATMs and debit cards were on the long list of technological gizmos she didn't trust for a second. Luckily, all the checkers and staff at the market knew her after years and years of these interactions, and indulged her. One lady traded stacks of romance novels with her for years (nothing too smutty, Grammy wasn't down with THAT!), and wept openly when we had to return the last batch to her after Grammy passed. 

ETA that Teen Dad Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel broke my entire heart when he sobbed over his baby in the hallterview. Those poor dumb kids--all three of them. Teen Mom rather less so, though.

Edited September 21, 2017 by pagooey
had some more thots

[califred]

Stewedsquash I agree about the teacher selling dog.

 

omg just seeing sketch one from Mermaid Mural lady would keep me from hiring her.

[Brattinella]

23 minutes ago, stewedsquash said:

Stylist booth rental case: Whoa, the attitude on that defendant! She is going to go far with it, I'm sure. Keep that chip on your shoulder, it suits you. Blame JJ and the salon owner for making money as the reason that you aren't making money, mmmm hhhmmm.  

Dammit, I wanted JJ to really land on that def!  Her "You, too" comment should have done it. 

[Toaster Strudel]

I really enjoyed the case of the 'artist' that had the audacity to sue for $5000 for 'breach of contract.'

First of all, let me begin with a rant to express my profound disgust and disappointment with that insipid, unimaginative, incompetent assortment of mismatched colors on the yogurt shop wall. It would take me one day to paint something this amateurish and I could pull it off without a plan. To the credit of the substitute teacher and non-artist, she only charged $325 to deface their walls, devalue their business, and put off any customers with good taste from entering the premises. If the owners had bought random leftover paint colors, gone to the closest  high school and asked for volunteers, they would have had way better results for free, and also in a day. The sad sack had the skills  and anatomical awareness of an average 12 yr old - but with less innate color sense.  This abomination took her *gasp* TWO HUNDRED HOURS!!! Oh my she's a regular Michaelangelo - she sure fancied herself that way.. The extra help that the shop owners brought in was almost as bad. Two flat, expressionless  mermaids eating from tiny blobulous cups on a basketball shaped rock in the company of a seagull. For all I know, the mermaids were eating seagull droppings, it would make more sense than yogurt. And that boat! OMG don't get me started on the boat... she probably plagiarized the homework of a first grader.

I was going to cheer and applaud the shop owners expecting them to explain to JJ how bad they thought the juvenile mural looked. But no! That wasn't the problem, they liked it. What?  It took her from July to January to partially paint all this amateurish rubbish, and the owner had to call in an extra 'artist' to add some more stupidity to that hot mess.

The substitute teacher non-artist was in tears that they painted over her graffiti because it was TWO HUNDRED HOURS, claiming the repainting was done in retaliation, LOL.  The world's gain is MOBA's loss - MOBA is the Museum of Bad Art where they display their art above and below a genuine, functional sewer pipe that runs along the museum walls.

The hallterview was delicious. She had many reasons why it took her so long, it was never her fault. She was getting compliments (polite ones? condescending ones? damning with faint praise?)! It was, for the 8 months she was there, the fault of the owner for not being cooperative, not giving her what she wanted, blah blah blah TWO HUNDRED HOURS.

[basiltherat]

Just Plane Crazy == Why would some idiot want to BUY an airplane when they can't even qualify for a loan to buy it, let along pay for its maintenance?  Answer:  because he's scamming the dopey owner for free rides.  Dopey owner didn't need to blame Wyoming for being a plane fool.

Hair Today, Bitch Tomorrow == Hairdressin' def had a bad attitude that may have caused her customers to flee.  I was sorry JJ missed the "you too" rejoinder when she called def an idiot.

Her case brings up a general question I have:  If you are "living" in your car, what is your mailing address to get your lawsuit papers, welfare checks and Byrd's money?  My add-ress is third hoopty from the second row of the Piggly Wiggly?

[Cobalt Stargazer]

21 minutes ago, basiltherat said:

Her case brings up a general question I have:  If you are "living" in your car, what is your mailing address to get your lawsuit papers, welfare checks and Byrd's money?  My add-ress is third hoopty from the second row of the Piggly Wiggly?

Some cities have public assistance centers where social workers and such help you fill out forms, offer job training and laundry services, eyc. They also have mailboxes so you can list the center as your mailing address, pick up letters and all that.

[bad things are bad]

Quote

No one commenting on Bert making fun of JJ for writing checks?  Making all the people in line at the grocery store wait while she writes a check?  

OMG, I got behind that lady yesterday at Kroger. Shortest line, she didn't have too many items...and godDAMN if she didn't wait until the order was rung up to whip out the checkbook, even recording the transaction in her registry while I was waiting. Those people should have signs on their back :)

And I thought of the many JJ "nurses" when I read this appalling story:

http://heavy.com/news/2017/09/allyson-jeanette-thompson-joanie-barrett-fender-jacksonville-navy-nurses-corpsman-baby-video-facebook-photos/

If you read the story you'll find they're not really nurses, just assistants. Scary stuff.