All Episodes Talk: All Rise

[lovesnark]

Some local coverage on the Horse Rape case. I'm curious about the gelding who will never be the same....isn't that an altered male horse? Randy the Stallion violated the gelding, too? What, was he just out of prison or something?

Randy the stallion probably beat the crap out of the gelding. They can be brutal and can do some major damage or even kill with their teeth and hooves. 1000 pounds of raging hormones is dangerous.

[Toaster Strudel]

With horses, it's always rape.  Neigh means nay.

[6 MeowMeowBeenz]

if I never hear the word pony again it will be too soon.

 

C'mon, who doesn't love a pony? Who doesn't love a kid with a pony?

 

With horses, it's always rape.  Neigh means nay.

 

Beyond LOL ! That's hysterical!

 

Some serious anthropomorphizing with these folks

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

 

April, the stallion's owner and k d lang wannabe, couldn't stop smirking.  I wanted to smack her.

Yeah, "the stallion raped my horses, repeatedly!" is an odd way to describe a natural act between consenting animals, but it wasn't funny.  That poor pony.

April the Smirker with her J.Bieber hair had some serious smirk face going on, didn't she? 

And yes, the plaintiff had "retired vet" under her name. I wonder if she was a small animal vet or a big old horsy country vet.

 

 

You all have never met me in person (to my knowledge), but I was wondering if one or several of you could send me some money.

 

Teebax, all you had to do was axe me. I would be glad to give you some money but if we break up you're going to have to pay me back plus pain and suffering. Actually I don't have any actual cash but I do have a couple of checks I got as a mystery shopper - if you would so kindly deposit them to your account, you can keep $500 for your trouble and give me the other couple of grand.  

 

Plus you can declare my grandkids on your tax return this year, but only if you get to the tax place before their baby mama gets to HR Block. It's all about the timing. 

[barbedwire]

Remember, if I borrow to yous, any of yous, money it will always be in cash.  And it is just understood that it is a loan.  I don't have to say it and I don't have to have proof of the money withdrawl.

[teebax]

With horses, it's always rape.  Neigh means nay.

Don't be a neigh-sayer.

[Sarcastico]

Teebax, I have some money for you.  It seems that I just won the Indonesian lottery.  I didn't even know I was entered in the Indonesian lottery, but whatever, I won $30 million!  The only problem is that I don't have a bank account.  Can we deposit the check in yours?

 

Speaking of horsing around, there's a graphic thoroughbred-breeding scene in the early pages of Tom Wolfe's A Man in Full.  Apparently stallions, like humans, have a tendency to pop out during the act and someone has to hold onto the horse's willy to prevent it, because horses are too stupid to know how to re-insert and may freak out and kick to death every living thing around them. Yes, people actually get paid to hold onto a horse's johnson while he's making baby horses.

[Brattinella]

Teebax, I have some money for you.  It seems that I just won the Indonesian lottery.  I didn't even know I was entered in the Indonesian lottery, but whatever, I won $30 million!  The only problem is that I don't have a bank account.  Can we deposit the check in yours?

 

Speaking of horsing around, there's a graphic thoroughbred-breeding scene in the early pages of Tom Wolfe's A Man in Full.  Apparently stallions, like humans, have a tendency to pop out during the act and someone has to hold onto the horse's willy to prevent it, because horses are too stupid to know how to re-insert and may freak out and kick to death every living thing around them. Yes, people actually get paid to hold onto a horse's johnson while he's making baby horses.

 

GAAAAAHHHHH!!  Way too much info!

[iwasish]

GAAAAAHHHHH!!  Way too much info!

Amazing they've survived all these years with our help to procreate! 

 

Were those mares actually pregnant and need to  have abortions or did the vet just give them a morning after type pill or shot to prevent any pregnancy? The vet bills weren't all that much for 4/5 abortions. 

 

I'm just surprised that if the plaintiff was truly a retired vet she didn't know that having a stallion that close by with merely a fence between him and 5 mares any one of which could go into heat at anytime wasn't a disaster waiting to happen.  I haven't ever owned a horse, but as a teen, I had a female cat that went into heat before we were able to have her spayed and she cried and yowled and slunk around the screen porch on her belly while a big ole tom cat sat calmly on the driveway washing his face and balls in full view of us and damn the first chance she had to get out that door (thank you Mr. Fed Ex) she was gone in a flash and within  minutes was getting busy in the driveway much to the amusement of the neighborhood kids. She disappeared for a few days and then reappeared on the steps happy as a clam. Two months later 4 little kittens arrived and mommy cat went off to the vet soon as they were weaned.  

[BubblingKettle]

"I don't think my services are no longer needed." Judge Judy's correction of this sentence from a pseudo-wedding planner was the most interesting part of the case. The rest was tedious; both parties seemed a bit simple.

 

I'm hoping that the episode teased for tomorrow makes up for it....it's some kind of hair disaster in a salon, and the clip showed the defendant saying, "Chile, that's the work of Mother Nature. That's not MY work."

[khyber]

 

if the plaintiff was truly a retired vet

Its probably like the "nurses" who are actually aides or the "teachers" who are actually aides. 

[Brattinella]

iwasish:

 

 

I had a female cat that went into heat before we were able to have her spayed and she cried and yowled and slunk around the screen porch on her belly while a big ole tom cat sat calmly on the driveway washing his face and balls in full view of us and damn the first chance she had to get out that door (thank you Mr. Fed Ex) she was gone in a flash and within  minutes was getting busy in the driveway much to the amusement of the neighborhood kids.

 

Oh God, laughing so hard here!  My female cat did the very same thing!  We didn't get to see the big ole tom until the deed was in progress, though.

[Quof]

Poor unhappy bride couldn't open her mouth more than 1/4 inch.  Bet that limited the wedding night fun.

I'll see myself out.

Edited October 15, 2015 by Quof

[Arjay]

Unfortunately I'm a bit short on cash, but perhaps I could furniture your house once I receive my disability check or my baby's child support.  

OMG, I love furniture as a verb!

[AuntiePam]

I hope today's couple took JJ's lessons to heart -- get it in writing and check references. 

 

But yeah, what a boring case.  Made me miss Bridezillas.

[SandyToes]

Oh, ladies and germs you are in fine form today!  Good to see some of our more irregular(!) posters jumping into the fray!

 

teebax, there are not enough words. I don't have any money, but I got my sister's FEMA check here I could borrow you, I guess.  Great way to recap the entire week in one post, too!   I have learned far more about horses than I ever needed to know.  Heading to Kentucky Derby country this weekend, so it's good that I have all this new info so I can really conversate with the locals, now.

 

Can't believe I sat through the entire wedding planner case.  Blech. And because my system STILL only shows the same two ep. descriptions (even though at different times on different stations), it only recorded 2 of today's 4 episodes. Even after I go back in and set it to "record anyway, dammit!"  And one of them was the wedding mess? The old ones I get are usually ones I haven't seen, but have no idea when they originally aired, since the descriptions don't match.  Grrrrr.

[iwasish]

iwasish:

Oh God, laughing so hard here! My female cat did the very same thing! We didn't get to see the big ole tom until the deed was in progress, though.

The smug self satisfied look on her face when she returned was priceless. She lay in the sun sprawled out and exhausted. I was embarrassed for her!!! No shame, no shame at all!!

[SandyToes]

Redemption!  Case with two near-teens about a drunken skateboarding ex-boyfriend.  Yes, he's responsible for damage to her car, and JJ suggested sweet girl NOT go through her insurance since her rates might go up, so stuck him with entire repair bill.  Woo hoo! Every once in a while we see a very compassionate judge.  Well-played.

 

Seriously bummed it wasn't the afore-mentioned Rocco case!

[Eliza422]

Omg, I'm just watching the horse rape case now....who ever heard of anyone spaying a mare?????? And rape and abortions for horses??? I'm feel like I'm taking crazy pills!!!

[iwasish]

Why not have little baby horses? Did she ever explain why she didn't want a foal or 4.

[Brattinella]

Does a mare who gets impregnated 'keep' the DNA of the stallion?  Is it mandatory to abort it if it wasn't planned with that specific horse?  I knew  a woman who had a purebred dog that was impregnated by the neighbor's mutt, and she drowned all the resulting pups. :(((

[ZoloftBlob]

Horses cost money. Four baby horses become four adult horses you have to train and keep alive for at least four years on your own dime until you can sell them, and they're a luxury item these days so you don't make money on breeding them. The pony in particular may not have been capable of bearing a large male horse's baby. There's a HUGE cost in time and money breeding animals.

 

Eta - although if horses can rape then maybe horses should be allowed to choose life? Baby horses are alive at the moment of conception? We need to get some anti-horse-abortion people on this to educate the pony on how she should have chosen life!

Edited October 16, 2015 by ZoloftBlob

[27bored]

Poor unhappy bride couldn't open her mouth more than 1/4 inch.  Bet that limited the wedding night fun.

I'll see myself out.

 

Yeah, you really need to take a few seats because that was just disrespectful talking about her mouth being half-cocked and fully-loaded. That was just disrespectful. In fact, that's probably the most disrespectful thing I've heard since last week when AngelaHunter called Tina DeLeon Mount Everest and said the only way climbers can make it to the top is if they go up the easy side.

 

What is wrong with y'all in this thread?! Cats on the stroll for hot cock, horses Bill Cosbying each other, begging for money and saying you just won the lottery in Jakarta but you don't have a bank account, and wanting someone to borrow you some money so you can furniture your apartment. I mean, I'm not here for all of that this week!

 

As for today's cases:

 

The case with the young couple and the unpaid rent. The dude looked like Peter Griffin. Kinda talked like him too.

 

The case with the bogus wedding planner...I felt bad for them, but JJ was right. They should've done their homework. The Defendant looked like she has a rap to her. She probably wooed them with all her connections and shit, and then they realized she was just on some side-gig-for-extra-money type shit. And, she looked like Madea.

 

The husband kept wanting to talk about the hairdresser and I was like, "dude, did she say she was going to give you some finger waves and didn't?" The fuck? JJ already said she wasn't hearing that bullshit.

 

The case with the two ladies and the jacked up car...okay. The Plaintiff's name was Shaquitta, which isn't her fault, but she did name her daughter Champagne. Because, you know, life isn't hard enough as it is. Sidebar: did anybody hear about Raven-Symone saying she wouldn't hire someone named Watermelondrea because it's ghetto? That's so Raven. First of all, bitch, I wouldn't hire someone who used to wear long ass coats to hide her ever-expanding ass on her Disney Channel show like you did. I used to wonder if she was on Disney Channel or if she was in the damn Matrix. And second, how are you going to talk about ghetto when you're on national TV with a red mohawk that makes you look like the Chik-Fil-A logo. You can keep your opinion and get me a 4ct. Chikin Mini combo. That's what you can do for me, Raven. How the hell are you going to talk about ghetto when you're on TV looking like Beelzebub? Bye Felicia.

 

Anyway...yeah that case was tough. I don't know who to believe, because the Defendant did say she was upset and it's obvious she was and she could've misspoken.

Edited October 16, 2015 by 27bored

[Quof]

bwa ha ha ha ha

 

Y'all have got to stop now.

 

Really. Stop it, I'm gonna pee.

[Guest]

I'm hoping that the episode teased for tomorrow makes up for it....it's some kind of hair disaster in a salon, and the clip showed the defendant saying, "Chile, that's the work of Mother Nature. That's not MY work."

The preview was the only thing interesting about that episode. I wish it was sushi day on the lot. JJ would have made quicker work of what should have been, at best, a 1/3 segment of an episode.

Eta - although if horses can rape then maybe horses should be allowed to choose life? Baby horses are alive at the moment of conception? We need to get some anti-horse-abortion people on this to educate the pony on how she should have chosen life!

No one will care until footage from Planned Marehood surfaces with images of a live, aborted foal having its brains sucked out and shipped to a research lab. I dare you all to watch it! I daaaaaaarrreeee yoooooouuu!

Full disclosure: I am not Carly Fiorina. Or maybe I am!

Edited October 16, 2015 by Guest

[AngelaHunter]

Quote

AngelaHunter called Tina DeLeon Mount Everest

 

I'm suing you for slander. I called her "Mount Tina". Everest was never mentioned!

 

Two  words I never want to hear again after today: Hair. Nails. Never, ever again. As irksome as the defendant was, I'm sure she was dead right saying the plaintiffs wanted a "Cinderella wedding on a Goldilocks budget". 

 

As for the bride's ittybitty piehole ruining the wedding night? I doubt it. I think the groom probably just wanted to talk. About hair and nails.

 

We need to add "extortion" and "duress" to the list of words (harassment, slander, libel, coercion, emotional distress,etc) and their definitions that should be passed out to all JJ litigants before they appear, since none of them seem to know. They've been watching too many courtroom melodramas.

 

ETA:

Laughing so hard here I missed this:

 

The Plaintiff's name was Shaquitta, which isn't her fault, but she did name her daughter Champagne.

 

You forgot about the sister, Delicesha.

Edited October 16, 2015 by AngelaHunter

[EtheltoTillie]

Everyone in fine form today a about that boring wedding case!

[Guest]

Missed this earlier, but:

The case with the two ladies and the jacked up car...okay. The Plaintiff's name was Shaquitta, which isn't her fault, but she did name her daughter Champagne. Because, you know, life isn't hard enough as it is. Sidebar: did anybody hear about Raven-Symone saying she wouldn't hire someone named Watermelondrea because it's ghetto? That's so Raven. First of all, bitch, I wouldn't hire someone who used to wear long ass coats to hide her ever-expanding ass on her Disney Channel show like you did. I used to wonder if she was on Disney Channel or if she was in the damn Matrix. And second, how are you going to talk about ghetto when you're on national TV with a red mohawk that makes you look like the Chik-Fil-A logo. You can keep your opinion and get me a 4ct. Chikin Mini combo. That's what you can do for me, Raven. How the hell are you going to talk about ghetto when you're on TV looking like Beelzebub? Bye Felicia.

This is some masterwork shit! And "horses 'Bill Cosby-ing' each other"! I feel like I should be paying someone to enjoy this content.

[AngelaHunter]

There's a HUGE cost in time and money breeding animals.

 

If you do it properly, yes. I've never seen any "breeder" on this show who expends a penny beyond what it takes to keep their money-makers alive enough to squeeze out profits. Genetic testing? What's that?

[AZChristian]

I think the groom probably just wanted to talk. About hair and nails.

 

 

 

I get your meaning.  And totally agree.

[teebax]

"Horses Cosbying each other" might be the funniest thing I've ever read on this board, and I'm absolutely going to find a way to work that into my conversation tonight when I'm out with my girlfriends. It'll go something like, "Did y'all see that Judge Judy case about horses Cosbying each other?" And, sorry 27 bored, but like a JJ litigant with her child's social security number, I'm stealing all the credit.

[AngelaHunter]

"Did y'all see that Judge Judy case about horses Cosbying each other?"

 

The problem is that no one hasn't watched this show believes that it's real. My brother sneers when I mention it, muttering about "fake" cases. I told him that no one, not even the best fiction writers, could make this shit up!

[Toaster Strudel]

The most amazing thing about the wedding planner is finding out that people are willing to shell out $2000 for help finding a wedding venue and picking bridesmaids dresses.

[AngelaHunter]

The most amazing thing about the wedding planner is finding out that people are willing to shell out $2000 for help finding a wedding venue and picking bridesmaids dresses.

Maybe they think telling people they have a "wedding planner" sounds posh? I wonder now how I managed to put my own wedding together without someone choosing the dresses for me and tasting the cake.

[Mindymoo]

Maybe they think telling people they have a "wedding planner" sounds posh? I wonder now how I managed to put my own wedding together without someone choosing the dresses for me and tasting the cake.

Yeah, I'm putting my wedding together now with my lady since marriage equality is finally legal, and I don't get what exactly is so hard about putting a wedding together. I know the venue, I know what we're eating, I know the music, we still need the cake and photographer, but what is there to get?

 

Also, now that we have marriage equality, I wonder if JJ is going to start reaming out gay couples about being "almost marrieds" the way she does straight couples, or if it will take a couple years still.

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

Two  words I never want to hear again after today: Hair. Nails. Never, ever again. As irksome as the defendant was, I'm sure she was dead right saying the plaintiffs wanted a "Cinderella wedding on a Goldilocks budget".

 

Does that imply that the bridesmaids look like the Three Bears? Did they need a good waxing along with hair and nails? 

 

27 bored, my supervisor is standing outside my office talking to somebody and I'm silently crying while trying to not snort out my nose. Chick-Fil-A hairdo,  bwahahaha! (mmmm, I'll take a 4 count too)

 

 

Maybe they think telling people they have a "wedding planner" sounds posh?

I have a daughter in the wedding industry and have had two daughters get married. They planned everything themselves and ran their own weddings. Its possible if the bride isn't a brat and she keeps the rest of her wedding party under control (hint - don't pick slackers or weirdos or prima donnas to be in your wedding party). When D2 got married, D1 found their bridesmaids dresses in the clearance section of some online clothing store - $40 instead of hundreds for a dress nobody will wear again. We bought 6 identical dresses for $240 plus $10 shipping and the bridesmaids were out maybe $43. (my mother of the bride dress was $69 on clearance) Plus I made hair ornaments for everybody. The flower girl dresses were on clearance from Sears, $25 a pop for four dresses. I made these flower balls for all the flower girls that are all the rage with artificial flowers (about $20 a pop) We all went to a beauty salon near the venue on the way to the wedding and got our hair did (about $30 apiece). It's possible to do it on the cheap and not LOOK cheap but it's a quest. 

[WhoaWhoKnew]

Also, now that we have marriage equality, I wonder if JJ is going to start reaming out gay couples about being "almost marrieds" the way she does straight couples, or if it will take a couple years still.

She did this in a case last season. Two gals were arguing over bills. JJ made a point of saying that same sex marriage was legal where they live, therefore she had no time for this case because "we don't have courts for this!!"

Edited October 16, 2015 by WhoaWhoKnew

[6 MeowMeowBeenz]

like a JJ litigant with her child's social security number, I'm stealing all the credit.

 

Teebax, you win! That's GOLD (disclaimer: I am not now or have I ever been offering you gold for this phrase. It's just puffery)

[BubblingKettle]

The plaintiff in the first case blamed a hairstylist of 30 years for her alopecia and wanted $5000. However, she didn't call the stylist or seek medical advice for sores on her head and hair loss until three weeks after her hair appointment.

 

The second case involved two former friends (one of whom should have never plucked out all of her eyebrows) fighting about expenses for a dog named Sugar. This was a snoozefest.

 

I can't say I'm interested in Monday's case - it looks like it reaches a level of tragedy that I'd rather not see on JJ. A man's adult son committed suicide, and he is suing the son's widow.

[AuntiePam]

I think JJ and the hair stylist were right -- the woman colored her own hair shortly after the relaxer treatment.  If the relaxer was the cause of her sores, wouldn't the sores show up right away?  That's how it's worked with me, when I've had a perm (don't judge me!) or color -- you feel a tingling or burning right away.

 

The dog case -- a sign that the show is running short on litigants.  Nobody dog-sits for three years. 

[Brattinella]

Thermuthis is dumb as a sack of rocks.

[AngelaHunter]

Thermuthis is dumb as a sack of rocks.

 

That must be a recent rerun. There can't be two people on the planet named "Thermuthis", right?

[khyber]

 

it looks like it reaches a level of tragedy that I'd rather not see on JJ. A man's adult son committed suicide, and he is suing the son's widow

Reminds me of the jockey who O.D.ed and the mother was suing the wife (or maybe ex-wife) for a second funeral the mother held in some other state. I think the wife got some insurance money that the mother wanted.

[Intocats]

Great bailiffing action today featuring our one and only Byrd! Repeat episode, wherein the dentally challenged Mr. Minor was suing his estranged wife and new BF over some coins, silver plate and WWII memorabilia he alleged they removed from his house while he was in jail. Mrs. Minor alleged that her hotheaded ex destroyed her underwear.

Mr. Minor glared menacingly at the defendants (and a camera operator to boot) and Byrd strolled over to stand behind him for the remainder of the case.

[27bored]

I'm suing you for slander. I called her "Mount Tina". Everest was never mentioned!

 

Angela, we can all go back and read what you wrote. You said verbatim that she looked like Mount Rushmore, and every time she turns to the right it looks like Lincoln is winking at you. All I'm saying is that was mean and stuff.

 

"Horses Cosbying each other" might be the funniest thing I've ever read on this board, and I'm absolutely going to find a way to work that into my conversation tonight when I'm out with my girlfriends. It'll go something like, "Did y'all see that Judge Judy case about horses Cosbying each other?" And, sorry 27 bored, but like a JJ litigant with her child's social security number, I'm stealing all the credit.

 

LOL, damn. You know it's real out here when people tell you they're gonna gank you for your shit. Too bad there isn't a copyright for ratchetness!

 

I felt kinda bad for the lady with the bad hairdo. She shouldn't have gone to the Damn Bitch What The Fuck salon with Claude who's been out, I mean doing hair, since Taylor Swift. I believed her story. I don't think she had been trying to color her hair just because she had in the past. It's possible he just fucked up her hair. And she was saying she didn't call him the next day. What was Claude gonna do besides throw shade at her? Alopecia is just mother nature taking it's course, girrrrl. JJ sucks sometimes.

[Spunkygal]

Great bailiffing action today featuring our one and only Byrd! Repeat episode, wherein the dentally challenged Mr. Minor was suing his estranged wife and new BF over some coins, silver plate and WWII memorabilia he alleged they removed from his house while he was in jail. Mrs. Minor alleged that her hotheaded ex destroyed her underwear.

Mr. Minor glared menacingly at the defendants (and a camera operator to boot) and Byrd strolled over to stand behind him for the remainder of the case.

YES! our lovable Byrd read that situation from the get-go and moved over behind the dentally challenged plaintiff and then moved between plaintiff and lover boy defendant to prevent an altercation. How about the no chin, slack jawed, mouth agape Mrs Minor still married to the plaintiff. The entire episode she drove me crazy as she stood there mouth agape the whole time. I was so thrilled when JJ shouted "close your mouth!"

[AngelaHunter]

wherein the dentally challenged Mr. Minor

 

Dentally AND mentally challenged. JJ kindly spent so much time trying to explain the law to him in five different ways, but not a word penetrated the thick bone surrounding his wee brain. But, after watching the charming Mrs. Minor, I did feel sorry for him. "Close your mouth," JJ had to tell her, as it was hanging open moronically.

 

You said verbatim that she looked like Mount Rushmore, and every time she turns to the right it looks like Lincoln is winking at you.

 

I'm fairly sure that was you. XD

[teebax]

If you scratch your scalp before get a relaxer, it's going to burn and cause scabs. I learned that the hard way years ago. I'm sure happy nappy is back. (Not nappy, but natural, and I'm loving it!)

[SoapDoc]

Also, the plaintiff said that she asked the stylist to leave the relaxer on a little longer so that it would straighten her hair. If she had scratched, she would burn but also if he did some vigorous working of her roots and injured her scalp, she could burn.  If she had burns that were that large, she should have known before she left the salon.

 

That being said, I don't believe she tried to color her hair that night. Not the night that she had paid someone $100 to style her hair. She would want to ride the hairstyle for a few days since she paid for it.

 

 

I'm sure happy nappy is back. (Not nappy, but natural, and I'm loving it!)

Me too!  I don't miss the relaxer game and I am trying to keep my daughter out of it!

[augmentedfourth]

The plaintiff in the first case blamed a hairstylist of 30 years for her alopecia and wanted $5000. However, she didn't call the stylist or seek medical advice for sores on her head and hair loss until three weeks after her hair appointment.

 

 

I would bet a large chunk of that $5000 that she thinks alopecia is a contagious disease she caught in the guy's salon. (Though that's not really a fair bet since she even said near the end that she doesn't even know what it is.)

 

I couldn't keep track of the timeline of this story or whose version of events sounded more plausible, but the one thing I did believe was when the plaintiff said it took her forever to get an appointment with the dermatologist, because I have the same problem. The practice I see isn't even all that good and only makes me think of the "Pimple Popper, MD" joke from Seinfeld since they barely DO anything, but I still have to wait a month to have someone look at me for 30 seconds.