S04.E13: Emily

[Primetimer]

But this one has a real thing for wounded sea lions, so Brandon has to convince her to forsake him and follow her marine-biological dreams.

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[Primetimer]

While Brenda gives new meaning to the phrase 'a tale told by an idiot,' her twin twees all over San Francisco.

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[STOPSHOUTING]

What is with this show and fucking France? It's like the Island of Misfit Toys. They do know "France" isn't a fictional realm, correct?

This may be the worst episode I've heard to date. It's funny because I remember 90210 being such a big part of my teen years, and yet I never saw this one and we're, what, barely 1/3 the way through the series run? I think I must have stopped watching after the end of season three (and didn't begin until the first summer run).

Seriously, the acting is THE WORST. Well, OK, maybe it's the writing that's THE WORSTEST. Ohndra's college, liberal RA BF turns bizarrely openly racist, to facilitate a quick dumping. (Because he couldn't marry the real-life-knocked-up Carteris why? I can't imagine that actor was in high demand elsewhere. Was Nana jealous of how much better his hair was?)

The reunion of Dylan and Kelly that makes zero sense and seems wildly anticlimactic, given they're one of the "core couples" of the show. Oh and, PS, the goddamn Greeks were always in the Student Union at my college; a good reason to avoid it whenever possible.

Then, there's the retconning of Emily Valentine as Brandon's one true love not three episodes after he endearingly referred to her as "that psycho". What. The. Fuck. It's gotta be because they were a real-life couple and she needed the work and Priestly had the pull (gag-inducing pun), right? I mean, it certainly wasn't their dynamite onscreen chemistry. They said I love you, endlessly, with the passion and intensity of two lampposts who happened to be in the same general vicinity of one another.

And the listing of Brandon's "women" was the grossest grossness that ever grossed. Shut up, Brandon!

Though I admit that, in my imagination, when Emily makes the "thing for wounded birds" comment, there's a smash cut to Brandon standing by a window with feathers hanging out of his mouth and guilty look on his face. Maybe some Yakkity Sax in the background. 

So, to sum up, is it too late to fill the writer's room with bees? Of course, since said enclave was clearly three chimpanzees and a typewriter, based on the plotting and dialogue, not sure that would even be effective.

Edited June 2, 2016 by STOPSHOUTING

[STOPSHOUTING]

PS: Currently, the visual aids link just goes back to this story page. 

Edited June 2, 2016 by STOPSHOUTING

[CicelyAlaska]

I'm siding with Pablo on nakedgate. Brenda agreed, and then onstage, fucks of the lines and the play, and then expects forgiveness because "I thought it was funny?" If she wasn't gonna do it, quit the play. I am sure there are other shitty theater majors writing crap she can star in.

These assholes.

[AndySmith]

Quote

Because he couldn't marry the real-life-knocked-up Carteris why? I can't imagine that actor was in high demand elsewhere. Personality conflict with Nana?

Carteris and/or the writers didn't want Andrea to get knocked up and end up marrying the first guy she had sex with. Of course, it was ok for her to do that with the second guy she had sex with...

[Uncle JUICE]

It sounds skeevy to say, but that's absolutely right: she agreed to be in a play that had nudity in it. She has plenty of chances to quit, instead, she takes THE LEAST professional route you can take, and fucks over how many people involved in the production in the process? Because as I recall, that was a show that was going to go on for more than one showing, right? Basically now they'd have to suspend production while they find another lead. What an asshole indeed. 

Also, no fucking Stuart at this big play? Did they break up alreadY?

[Earmuffs Mom]

34 minutes ago, STOPSHOUTING said:

What is with this show and fucking France? It's like the Island of Misfit Toys.

I just choked on my sandwich!  What an apt description! 

Although I think Emily looks decent during this story arc, France really does a hack job on her hair when she shows up next season while Kelly's getting cooked in that fire.  Good God, those tiny cropped bangs did her long face no favors!

[Nanna]

I really hope JP sounded more sincere when he said "I love you" off screen, cause here - he sounds mostly like he only says it to get laid and then sneak out the door with an excuse that he's gotta go back to school so bye, I'll call you! Anyway, to me Emily doesn't really seem to be quite well yet. Perhaps it's just because I almost always find stories of people who looooves each other after 5 minutes together stupid (I'm looking at you, Titanic), but to me she seems fragile, clinging, and needy in a nonhealthy way.

[Tooch]

1 hour ago, Earmuffs Mom said:

Good God, those tiny cropped bangs did her long face no favors!

Oh, those BANGS. The wooooooorst. And I also think Brandon was only saying ILY to get laid, because I stand by my theory that this is his first time since Cheryl. They established in the episode with Rosie O'Donnell that he didn't sleep with Nicki, and I don't think he had sex with any of the other chicks he's canoodled with--at least not that they showed on-screen.

As for Andrea's forthcoming pregnancy, ditto on the stupidity of writing Dan out so horribly, though I can't disagree that having her get pregnant from her first sexual relationship would have been shitty. But the bigger question is why they had her get pregnant at all. Just block her the right way and ignore it, or have some sort of dumb storyline about the freshman 15. Having her married with a baby only highlighted the fact that this actress was quite clearly in her 30's playing a college freshman, and was a VERY stupid writing decision. In season 2 when she has an affair and there's all this marital strife bullshit going on, I remember being like "she's supposed to be like 19 or 20, right? Good god." 

[maxineofarc]

I literally flipped off the screen when Brandon started quoting Casablanca, and I couldn't even see his stupid face.

[maxineofarc]

She thought it was funny? That's nice, Bren, but this awful play clearly isn't a comedy.

[Tara Ariano]

2 hours ago, STOPSHOUTING said:

PS: Currently, the visual aids link just goes back to this story page. 

Fixed.

[Judi Sunshine]

I just watched the one with the girl with the baby -- it's the pizza girl from "Friends"/Batista's girlfriend! But I didn't like her on "90210," and will need reminders about who the others are. Nikki was definitely my favorite Brandon girlfriend, then Emily. And I really loved the San Francisco story back in the day, but was still pissed about Brandon saying at the Senior Breakfast that no one ever meant more to him than freaking Gabrielle Anwar. Then three months later he's all ditching poor Cindy and Casa Walsh to find love of his life Emily? Whatever, Brandon!

[FozzyBear]

Am I crazy or do they completely drop the Brandon/Emily true love plot until she shows up at the end of the next season? Like not even a passing mention of Brandon being into Emily? 

[AndySmith]

You're not crazy. Though I think she does come back somewhat earlier than the end of the next season...somewhere in the mid-point? It's when Kelly is in the fire, which happens before the Kelly-joins-a-cult story.

[ZeroDiscipline]

For all the goofing on Ohndrea that we all do, so far she is the only one of the girls who can interest boys from outside their group. Her boyfriends Jay the Republican and Jordan Bonner were both total catches.

[AndySmith]

Not quite. Brenda had Rick. And even though Stuart was arranged by the parents, he did seem to genuinely like her. And Tony tried as well.

And Kelly did have Spin-off Jake.

Edited June 2, 2016 by AndySmith

[Picture It. Sicily]

In real life, Brenda would have been fired and gotten a rep in the theatre department for being unprofessional. Ironic.

Ps, did anyone else notice the tattoo on Doherty's right ankle?

[Sarah D. Bunting]

And Colin Blow.

[Pyewacket]

Ana's niece was waaaay too good for Brandon and therefore destined to be a one-off, but in a Bizarro World version of 90210 I think it would have been hilarious for him to butt heads again and again with someone who was not his usual type of adversary (automatically evil for disagreeing with him) but instead simply smarter, more thoughtful, and better educated in the practicalities of socio-economic issues.

[SoupThrower]

And that dude who wanted some scholarship. 

Donna dated out of the group with Ray and that short quarterback. Oh and that fireman who was better for her than David. Actually shorty quarterback was better. 

Anyway everyone dated out of the group. I guess you could count Clare for David at that time, so I guess?

Also to be fair on Brandon, I assume did he write because he said to Emily when she comes back that she never wrote back or something. 

Edited June 3, 2016 by SoupThrower

[SoupThrower]

Why was Dylan making that face. YOU'VE SEEN HER NAKED. David's face was great, not like he gets any action anyway. 

The play sucked. 

[Princess Sparkle]

15 hours ago, Picture It. Sicily said:

In real life, Brenda would have been fired and gotten a rep in the theatre department for being unprofessional. Ironic.

Ps, did anyone else notice the tattoo on Doherty's right ankle?

That was the first thing I noticed, because it's rather sizable and dark, and her skin is so pale.  Like...spend 5 minutes slapping some makeup on it people.  Or at least give us some kind of storyline where Brenda rebels and gets a tattoo.

[CurlyATX]

I think this show does an interesting job of having these "teens" make a big deal out of their "relationships" which never included any sex.  Both Ohnndrea and Brandon seem to imply that they have a lot of experience when in reality it's just a bunch of dates or flirting.  I find it even weirder that the people who did have a lot of sex (Dylan and Kelly) don't seem to talk much about it. 

Anyone else get a strange deja vu regarding Brandon running away from LA and screwing Emily to Dylan running away from LA to screw horse-lady?

[ZeroDiscipline]

I'm saying at this point in the series, Ohndrea was routinely getting the D from outside the group. Brenda did have some takers, but they usually had a major character flaw. Rick was such a dorky beauhunk who was exactly like her father!

[AndySmith]

Hmm. I always assumed Brenda and Stuart did The Sex, but I guess I remembered it wrong.

[MissEwa]

No I'm pretty sure they did - maybe while staying in that hotel? I feel like we should remember this because it was maybe two weeks ago in podcast time but St'rt has vanished so completely it's like we're not sure if he was ever there at all. 
 

1 hour ago, CurlyATX said:

I find it even weirder that the people who did have a lot of sex (Dylan and Kelly) don't seem to talk much about it. 

TBH this is a thing I found quite realistic to my own late teens/early 20s - the people who seemed to bring sex into every single conversation weren't the ones who were having it.

[Petunia13]

The season feels like the writers didn't know what the hell they were doing. The stories seem so aimless and a little boring. 

[Tara Ariano]

2 hours ago, MissEwa said:

No I'm pretty sure they did - maybe while staying in that hotel? I feel like we should remember this because it was maybe two weeks ago in podcast time but St'rt has vanished so completely it's like we're not sure if he was ever there at all. 

When the Roy (or Rory) Randolph controversy comes up, Brenda says she's only slept with tw guys: Dylan and Stuart.

[CurlyATX]

Yes... Brenda and Stewy did The Sex.  I just meant that in this episode where Ohndrea talks about dating a black guy, a republican, and others it makes her seem way more experienced than she really is.  I'm surprised she didn't toss in the drama teacher or Gil.

And Brandon's tale of girls really made it seem like he screwed them all. 

Since I've labeled myself the perv who is analyzing the sex-capades of the Gang, did Kelly sleep with John Sears in her first go-around in HS?  

[Tara Ariano]

14 minutes ago, CurlyATX said:

Since I've labeled myself the perv who is analyzing the sex-capades of the Gang, did Kelly sleep with John Sears in her first go-around in HS?  

I'm pretty sure she said he boned her once and then ignored her forever after? I think that's why, when she doesn't want to fuck him again this season, he sneers at what he calls her "Snow White act."

[AndySmith]

I'm surprised they didn't make John Sears be Mr. No Blanket.

[ZeroDiscipline]

The season feels like the writers didn't know what the hell they were doing. The stories seem so aimless and a little boring. 

It was the beginning of a very long end. I like the finale for this season a lot, but the leadup is so terrible. And then there is some good stuff briefly when Valerie arrives, the momentum of which is killed when Kelly gets stuck in that fire and becomes sooooo laaaaaaaame. And it was kind of good again when they got some new people like Colin Blow and Humorless Susan and Ray Pruit with one T cuz his momma couldn't afford another the following year. But this show is pretty much over once Kelly and Colin Blow break up for good and she goes to rehab. There was no coming back from that Single White Female subplot.

[ZeroDiscipline]

I'm surprised they didn't make John Sears be Mr. No Blanket.

I feel like that was the original intent, but someone smarter than the other writers said "But wasn't he a rapist then? Are we really going to say that Kelly is going to forgive and maybe even get back together with her rapist? Instead, we are supposed to assume that because of Mr. No Blanket, Kelly became slutty and John Sears was just one of many guys she slept with because she decided to be slutty. This is all pretty horrifying, and would have been handled a lot differently nowadays. Kelly and Val get back at Mr. No Blanket at the 5 year reunion, but it's still really stupid. That reminds me-- are you really going to watch and podcast all of those horrible post-college episodes? I mean, I will definitely listen, but that sounds like such torture. If you need an out, I would say you could shut it down after the 5 year reunion episode.

[AndySmith]

Well, I don't know if Kelly's experience with Mr. No Blanket was rape...it was more like he was a dick who just said what she wanted to hear, had sex with her, then dumped her the day after. Of course, either way, Kelly hooking up with him again - whether John Sears or someone else - wouldn't look good for Kelly unless Joh initially tried to sell her on the "I'm more mature now, I'm not the same person I was back in high school, give me another chance, etc" routine, and then Kelly finds out that he isn't the same guy from high school, he's worse, so she ends it with him  this, but on her terms, not his.

[Nanna]

That's another timeline question: when did Kelly sleep around and got her slut reputation? In the slumberparty episode, she says that Steve was her first. Then she is forced to tell the Mr No Blanket story, and we're later supposed to believe that it's that episode that makes her "slutty". But in the beginning of S1 she just broke up with Steve. So is it Mr No Blanket, lots of dudes, then Steve? Wouldn't everybody except new girl Brenda have known at the slumber party that she had slept around and that Steve wasn't the first then? Or is it: Mr No Blanket, then dating Steve and sleeping with him, then sleeping around, then dating Steve again, then season 1? It just doesn't add up. Which is of course because nobody knew that Kelly was going to have the slut rep storyline, and the writers obviously didn't care to make continuity. But really, it's very confusing.

[STOPSHOUTING]

Drew Barrymore's got nothing on the Bev Niners and their nonsensical, pre-Sophomore year, ancient history of debauchery. I hear the scene at the Chuck E Cheese on Melrose could get pretty rough and don't even get me started on the shit that went down at Donna's 6th grade sleepover.

Edited June 4, 2016 by STOPSHOUTING

[Tooch]

55 minutes ago, STOPSHOUTING said:

Drew Barrymore's got nothing on the Bev Niners and their nonsensical, pre-Sophomore year, ancient history of debauchery. I hear the scene at the Chuck E Cheese on Melrose could get pretty rough and don't even get me started on the shit that went down at Donna's 6th grade sleepover.

Right? Dylan and his "scene". (snort) The absolute best was having him somehow know Frank Padilla the 30-something drag racer and drug dealer who mowed down Andrea. What the fuck was this kid up to when he was 13 is what I want to know. (This is also true on Dawson's with "Jen the Bad Girl with a Past"--we met her when she was only 15 but she had a "past"?! At least the show addresses it when they send her to therapy and she talks about losing her virginity when she was 12 and getting into drugs. So I guess it's possible. But Jen was way cooler than fucking Dylan.

As for Kellye's retconned bad rep, I suppose it's possible she was a BJ queen or something. My bff in high school had a rep for being "easy" even though she graduated a virgin, because she had fooled around with a bunch of different guys and blown a couple of them. It doesn't have to be full sex at that age for people to think you're slutty. Teens are the worst.

[Jessie monster]

FYI Mark D. Espinoza joins Gabrielle Carteris as people that look way better now then they did on the show.

http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3778653440/nm0261078?ref_=nmmi_mi_all_pbl_10

[CurlyATX]

My take is this...Mr. No-Blanket (frosh year) , then Steve (officially sanctioned First Guy), break up with Steve (missing soph year), then lots of sluttiness (maybe off screen?  She takes Brandon to the spring dance because she's already dated everyone, and had the moves down to try to seduce gal Kyle).

In some episode later on, Kelly and Steve is retconned to just a fling and he admits to telling everyone about how slutty she is, even after the Spring Fling. 

Cool-Kelly seemed fine with sex and had protection.  Then, she turned into the Slut with a heart and seemed to do it because she was living up to a reputation. 

I agree that the sluttiness most likely was BJs.  Actual sex seemed rare in HS.  I had a friend who sadly was nicknamed BJ (took me forever to figure out what that meant!) because she sort of followed the mindset like in Clerks-- lots of BJs but rarely had actual sex.  

[heshy]

Christine Elise is such a terrible actress. Nothing makes that more clear than the clips, with her mush-mouthed line reads and her failure to inject any emotion into the words.

Maybe no one visited you in the hospital because no one could understand where you were going.

[purist]

What was the racial slur that Ohhhhndrea's RA boyfriend used? I don't think I've heard it before (I'm not from the USA).

[DonitsYum]

Don't get up, I'll kill myself...T-SHIRT!!

[psychoticstate]

I'm rewatching these episodes while I re-listen to the AGT podcasts (yes, they are THAT awesome, thank you, @Sarah D. Bunting and @Tara Ariano!)  and maybe because I'm a squeef or something, I noticed that when Ohhhhhhndrea gave Jesse her addy she said her dorm room was 4-something.  Now we see that it's 233.  Minor detail, but it bugs.

Also, I hate how Dan turns out to be a stage 5 clinger and racist.  Why?  Why, show?  Could they not just say that Ohhhhhhhhndrea wanted to turn in her v-card, she was attracted to Dan, it was the first time she was living away from home, she got a little wild but she never fell for the guy?  What's wrong with that?  After all, braying Brandon gets down with Lucinda a few episodes later and there is clearly no love there.  So it's okay for the guys but not the girls?  Come on, show. 

I also think writing the pregnancy in was a mistake, given how the show handled it.  The first problem is the totally obvious one - - by the time it became a storyline GC was likely a good 7 months pregnant and it was totally obvious.  How the fuck could a pre-med student (as we're reminded eleventy billion times during the season) not realize she's knocked up?  I mean, the maternity wear is kind of a giveaway?  Regardless, the show had Ohhhhhhndrea and Jesse living in an apartment that was nicer than the one I had as a working professional.  You never really saw them dealing with paying bills, maybe not being able to pay the electricity bill, or forgetting, or having to survive on peanut butter sandwiches. Where was the Top Ramen?  And to go back to the whole married thing - - why was everyone, INCLUDING Ohhhhhhndrea, so horrified that Brenda was going to marry Stuart but they were overjoyed at Ohhhhhhndrea marrying Jesse?  Yeah, sure, Brenda and Stewart had only been dating for something like 3 or 4 weeks by the time the Vegas non-elopement happened but Ohhhhhndrea had a VW in the oven when she married so which is more concerning?   And why do I care? 

But I digress.  I think the show, if they were so insistent on having Ohhhhhhndrea get pregnant, should have had her had the baby as a single mother, realize how difficult it was, period, much less as a college freshman and then give the baby up.  That could have given her a storyline in the coming season where she's improbably working at the only hospital in LA in the lab and sees her baby there or something.  Oh well, again.  Why do I care? 

I care because @Sarah D. Bunting and @Tara Ariano care and give the best recaps out there, bar none. Thank you, ladies.  You make my daily southern Cali commute so much more bearable!

[CeeBeeGee]

Okay, so the subplot of Brinda in the naked play is completely preposterous. Anyone at a university, much less one who was casting with undergrads, would absolutely have to have notified the actors at the audition that nudity might be required--full disclosure beforehand is a matter of ethics and theater professionalism. You can't just spring it on your cast like that--aside from everything else, you risk half the cast walking out. Plus there's the incredibly skeevy aspect of dealing with very young actors (some may well have been under 18--I was my first year in college) in an educational setting, pressuring them in effect to go along with the program and take off their clothes--I can't imagine the theater department would've allowed this. Also generally the posters advertising the play would've included a notice that nudity will be featured in this production because not everyone wants to see that (conversely, that can also act to drive up ticket sales 😉 ). So honestly I have no problem with Brinda improvising like that because the whole thing was ridiculous.

In addition to all of that, I would think a theater department in a big school like CU would have a pecking order--freshmen aren't cast, they make their bones doing gruntwork. Even my tiny school did it that way--freshmen did props, hung lights, swept the stage. They did not get cast in leads no matter how good they were--heck, we had a girl come in who had a film resume and was told "great, we're making you ASM [assistant stage manager] for The House of Blue Leaves." No way would even a student production cast little old Miss First Semester Freshman in the lead. LA being an industry town, I imagine CU's theater department is huge and extremely competitive. Brinda wouldn't have a chance.

 

[Scarlett45]

On 10/18/2020 at 6:41 PM, CeeBeeGee said:

Okay, so the subplot of Brinda in the naked play is completely preposterous. Anyone at a university, much less one who was casting with undergrads, would absolutely have to have notified the actors at the audition that nudity might be required--full disclosure beforehand is a matter of ethics and theater professionalism. You can't just spring it on your cast like that--aside from everything else, you risk half the cast walking out. Plus there's the incredibly skeevy aspect of dealing with very young actors (some may well have been under 18--I was my first year in college) in an educational setting, pressuring them in effect to go along with the program and take off their clothes--I can't imagine the theater department would've allowed this. Also generally the posters advertising the play would've included a notice that nudity will be featured in this production because not everyone wants to see that (conversely, that can also act to drive up ticket sales 😉 ). So honestly I have no problem with Brinda improvising like that because the whole thing was ridiculous.

In addition to all of that, I would think a theater department in a big school like CU would have a pecking order--freshmen aren't cast, they make their bones doing gruntwork. Even my tiny school did it that way--freshmen did props, hung lights, swept the stage. They did not get cast in leads no matter how good they were--heck, we had a girl come in who had a film resume and was told "great, we're making you ASM [assistant stage manager] for The House of Blue Leaves." No way would even a student production cast little old Miss First Semester Freshman in the lead. LA being an industry town, I imagine CU's theater department is huge and extremely competitive. Brinda wouldn't have a chance.

 

Yes. Nudity disclosure would've been required- especially since some kids would've been minors (I was as well when I started college), and you would have to have a disclosure to ensure no minors in the audience. I found in my theatre department actors and crew hung out a lot but there wasnt much cross over, so freshmen performers wouldnt have been on crew (outside of a mandatory credit) but would've been "townsperson number 4" as required.