S03.E13: Final Decision Pt. 1

[zxy556575]

I really would be interested in hearing how the experts determine who is or isn't a good match.

 

It might be an unpopular opinion, but I really enjoy the casting episode and would love more in-depth info on the "instruments" themselves as well as detailed explanations of the matches. "They were both bullied" is such a crock! I think the experts are both ill-prepared and ill-used by the producers, but surely there must be reasons beyond the ridiculous sound bites we're given.

 

If I remember correctly, both Sam and Neil were matched because of their quirkiness and I think also their slightly traditional idea of marriage.

 

Which is ridiculous, right? Neil is a self-contained hipster with a very dry sense of humor while Sam pulls faces and acts the fool. Those are entirely different "quirks."

Edited February 26, 2016 by lordonia

[Aethera]

Hi folks - some seem to have realized it, but just to clarify - this is the Episode thread for only Final Decision Pt. 1. I know Amazon screwed up and posted both halves, but many did not get to see Final Decision Pt. 2 yet, so please be careful not to spoil things. If you can't remember which half something happened in, just don't mention it, or use a spoiler tag.

[Snarklepuss]

This is a short time period, but no Sam apologized before the last day. It is true that they have had only six weeks, but she apologized and was making an effort a couple of weeks before decision day. If you watched the last couple of episodes, Sam has been trying. Sam and Neil moved into a house together and they have been getting along ok. Marriage is a serious commitment and I will not fault Neil if he decides to go back to his solitary life, but I think it is wrong to make Sam into some monster when she is trying to do better.

 

I feel sorry for Sam because she obviously doesn't understand the possible affects her behavior can have on someone.  You don't burn your bridges with people and then expect them to just turn around on a dime when you suddenly get all apologetic.  I don't know about Neil, but I wouldn't trust a guy who did that to me.  I'd be worried he'd suddenly do another "Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde" on me.

[Nffftshewasgone]

I agree they probably weren't a good match. I really would be interested in hearing how the experts determine who is or isn't a good match. I don't think you can match people based on their flaws or on negative things that happen in their lives; you can't build off something negative. It seems like it would make more sense to build off things like shared interest, desire on having or not having kids, religious belief, homebody or person who likes going out a lot. Of course, some people are just not compatable.

In real life, I doubt if I would have ever been matched with my husband of 21 years. We have and had a lot of differences, but somehow it works. This was my first year watching this show and my interest was more in watching people negotiate living with and marrying a complete stranger. I don't have any real investment in the outcomes or labeling people I don't know. I did find myself getting mad at Ashely, but only because I wanted to hear her apologize to David. But I do realize we don't see everything that happens and this is a crazy and unrealistic concept to begin with.

I agree. And I definitely wouldn't have been matched with my husband. We have nothing in common other than being human and walking into a particular pub on a particular night 30 years ago. He says he was impressed because I was drinking pints like a guy and I liked his mischievous grin...the rest is history ;)

But seriously, their soundbites for being matched are really, really lame.

[EverybodyIsACritic]

Poor David was more nervous for Decision Day than his wedding? Uhhh, of course, he didn't know then that his bride was an eye-rolling, mustachioed dream killer. Bless his trying-too-hard heart.

Positively giddy as in done, finished, where do I sign, maybe I can get home before rush hour.

As "excited" as she was to get into that high dollar love shack, I bet she leaves skid marks in the driveway.

[EverybodyIsACritic]

I was so worried that they would crash.. imagine seeing an accident on camera...

I was far more concerned about a blowjob than an accident. Poor Neil, looking down at that wax melts-scented pile of hair and teefs probably would put him in therapy with David.

[moonxyz]

My feelings about Tres are still the same. This is a game show to him.

 

And Vanessa's insecurity is fuelled by Tres's disinterest in her, outside of calculated gestures that will make him look good/ or that are producer driven. Not the other way around. She initiates 90% of the physical contact and that has been going on since the honeymoon.

 

I've wondered why so many were so harsh on Vanessa. I got why Davina was disliked but I'm not seeing what's that bad about Vanessa. IMO she got paired with someone that didn't want to get married in the first place and is being portrayed by the show as an immature cry baby with abandonment issues that are controlling her life.

 

Personally, I think she knows what she wants and is not stupid. She's a woman with dating experience and a woman knows when a man is into you period. And Tres is not into her like that at all.

Edited February 27, 2016 by moonxyz

[Lola16]

Yay more random bashing of the female participants based on their looks!  /s

 

I am not sure that Sam actually moved into the 2nd rental.  Her pets weren't there.  She said she stayed at her place when Neil was away.  Feels like that move was for the show only.

 

eta: Neil spells it with an "i".

Edited February 27, 2016 by Lola16

[BunnySlippers]

Yay more random bashing of the female participants based on their looks!  /s

 

I am not sure that Sam actually moved into the 2nd rental.  Her pets weren't there.  She said she stayed at her place when Neal was away.  Feels like that move was for the show only.

In an interview she said she had asked her friend Sammie to take care of her pets.

[Lola16]

In an interview she said she had asked her friend Sammie to take care of her pets.

She also only packed 1 melt.  I don't believe they really lived there together for the last 2 weeks.  I think it was just for the show.

[Meliss]

Yay more random bashing of the female participants based on their looks! /s

I am not sure that Sam actually moved into the 2nd rental. Her pets weren't there. She said she stayed at her place when Neal was away. Feels like that move was for the show only.

I know we shouldn't do this, but what if we started bashing the men the way that the women are being bashed? Let's find certain unattractive physical characteristics about them & bring those up every time we post about them! It's only fair. Edited February 27, 2016 by Meliss

[Lola16]

lol.  It's tempting.  None of the men were gorgeous.  All had physical flaws and only Neil was in good shape.  So much discussion of the women's weight when none of them were nearly as overweight or out of shape as David and Tres.  Different standards still exist.

 

eta: Neil spells it with an "i".

Edited February 27, 2016 by Lola16

[Meliss]

And unfortunately always will.

[BunnySlippers]

lol.  It's tempting.  None of the men were gorgeous.  All had physical flaws and only Neal was in good shape.  So much discussion of the women's weight when none of them were nearly as overweight or out of shape as David and Tres.  Different standards still exist.

Personally I didn't think any of the women were overweight. Neil is in good shape, though I don't know why he loves to wear those tank tops so much. :D

[Lola16]

Personally I didn't think any of the women were overweight. Neil is in good shape, though I don't know why he loves to wear those tank tops so much. :D

Hotlanta!  Yea, I thought Ashley was in decent shape which we saw a lot of with her outfits.  Again Hotlanta.  Sam's clothes were a little snug around the midsection but that could be due to the bulk of the mic pack.  And again Hotlanta.  Vanessa I thought dressed well for her shape and, probably in person, doesn't look over weight at all.  David & Tres were pudgy especially around the middle - too many dorito nachos and beer I guess!

 

Only critique that I'd give Sam was around her hair - she had the just out of bed unkempt look.  Always.  Probably the humidity wasn't helping, but I'd get weekly blowouts then.

[BunnySlippers]

Hotlanta!  Yea, I thought Ashley was in decent shape which we saw a lot of with her outfits.  Again Hotlanta.  Sam's clothes were a little snug around the midsection but that could be due to the bulk of the mic pack.  And again Hotlanta.  Vanessa I thought dressed well for her shape and, probably in person, doesn't look over weight at all.  David & Tres were pudgy especially around the middle - too many dorito nachos and beer I guess!

 

Only critique that I'd give Sam was around her hair - she had the just out of bed unkempt look.  Always.  Probably the humidity wasn't helping, but I'd get weekly blowouts then.

I do like Vanessa's outfits. I think she's the best dressed out of all the women, and she looks nice in those dresses. And LOL, yes, those nachos and the beer will do that to you! :D

Edited February 27, 2016 by BunnySlippers

[Sienna]

So much discussion of the women's weight when none of them were nearly as overweight or out of shape as David and Tres.  Different standards still exist.

 

Seriously. When I saw Ashley wearing the striped dress, I kept thinking "This chick looks like that in freakin' horizontal stripes, and STILL has people slamming her weight?"

[Snarklepuss]

My feelings about Tres are still the same. This is a game show to him.

 

And Vanessa's insecurity is fuelled by Tres's disinterest in her, outside of calculated gestures that will make him look good/ or that are producer driven. Not the other way around. She initiates 90% of the physical contact and that has been going on since the honeymoon.

 

I've wondered why so many were so harsh on Vanessa. I got why Davina was disliked but I'm not seeing what's that bad about Vanessa. IMO she got paired with someone that didn't want to get married in the first place and is being portrayed by the show as an immature cry baby with abandonment issues that are controlling her life.

 

Personally, I think she knows what she wants and is not stupid. She's a woman with dating experience and a woman knows when a man is into you period. And Tres is not into her like that at all.

 

I wish I could double like your post, ITA!!  I think Tres can be confusing because he's into Vanessa a little bit - Just enough to have fun and sex with her and try her on for size, but not all that much more at this point.  And I think Vanessa knows in her gut that it's no more than that, and probably won't turn into anything more than that for quite some time at best if ever.  I think this is basically because he's just not ready to settle down with anyone, not just her personally.  In order for a relationship to work, both parties have to be ready to settle down at the same time and she's ready but he's not.  The way he is acting has very little to do with Vanessa and more to do with him and where he's at.  I think if Tres were ready Vanessa would know that and we wouldn't see her pouting and acting like she expects too much from him.  She would know in that case that the chances were good that he would be ready to settle down with her.  Plus I think it's extremely unfair to Vanessa to insist she is expecting too much. As a woman, I think a woman should expect that a man be ready to settle down before getting involved with her if that's what she's looking for, and she has a right to be unhappy with a guy who gets involved with her if he's not on that same page.  Otherwise the guy is just taking advantage of the woman's feelings for him to have a fun time.  And the fact that they have a piece of paper that says they're married isn't going to do much to change that, unfortunately.  I think that even if they last past the 6 weeks, they won't make it for the long haul unless somewhere along the line Tres wakes up and really wants to settle down.  It could happen but I'm not holding my breath.  I don't think she should waste too much time seeing which way a his feelings will go.  I can see taking it past the 6 weeks but if in 6 months nothing has changed, that's a bad sign, IMHO.

[Snarklepuss]

lol.  It's tempting.  None of the men were gorgeous.  All had physical flaws and only Neil was in good shape.  So much discussion of the women's weight when none of them were nearly as overweight or out of shape as David and Tres.  Different standards still exist.

 

I know, I had to bite my tongue hearing Ashley described as "plump".  She probably wears single digit junior sizes, so to call her that is just completely unfair.  I never once heard Tres described as overweight but he could stand to lose a few pounds.  I did hear David called out of shape a lot and he actually was and has since slimmed down.

[izabella]

All of the women were normal weight.  The problem with Ashley and Sam is they insisted on wearing tight shirts and tight, very short shorts.  That's not a good look on either of them proportion-wise - it's not flattering and makes them look bulky.  It's like capri pants that cut off at the widest part of the calf - they don't look good on anybody, and make everyone look shorter and dumpier.  They both look much better in dresses because the proportions of the clothes suit them better.  Clothes really do make a difference in how a person looks.

Edited February 27, 2016 by izabella

[ClareWalks]

Yeah, their weight wasn't the problem, it was the ridiculously unflattering outfits (especially Sam, dear Lord). These gals could benefit from an hour with a stylist, or at least a fashion-savvy gay friend or something.

[jamblastx]

I think that the negative comments about appearance have been all reflective on the awful personalities on display.  Sam and Ashley have been mostly despicable since day one so the negativity from this board spills onto their appearance.  If for instance Ashley was a sweetheart, I guarantee you no one would be calling her 'Stachley'...there may be a comment or two to the effect of 'Ashley is such an awesome person and I know I'm nitpicking, but she would look awesome if she took care of her upper lip....but don't get me wrong, she is still very attractive'.  Even Vanessa who at first seemed to be so well put together and mature at first was complemented on her beauty but as her self fulfilling prophecy of abandonment issues have surfaced, she has been getting many more negative comments about her appearance.

 

On the men's side, since for the most part they have been relatively well-liked and have not appeared to be the cast of douchebags like season 2, we have given them a bit of a pass on their appearance but there have been some negative comments about that here and there.  In my bizarro world from the Ashley example above, if David acted like she did on the show this board would be KILLING him on his 'Dad body'.  Neil's unique look has often been criticized and even though it hasn't been brought up that much, hell I'll say it, for someone who claims to be very athletic, Tres is doughy.

[allthelight]

Has Vanessa really received any criticism for her appearance?

 

I think all of them look fine, including Sam. They are not dolled up and they don't have to. Appearance is not the problem anyway. Behaviour is. 

[Neurochick]

My feelings about Tres are still the same. This is a game show to him.

 

And Vanessa's insecurity is fuelled by Tres's disinterest in her, outside of calculated gestures that will make him look good/ or that are producer driven. Not the other way around. She initiates 90% of the physical contact and that has been going on since the honeymoon.

 

I've wondered why so many were so harsh on Vanessa. I got why Davina was disliked but I'm not seeing what's that bad about Vanessa. IMO she got paired with someone that didn't want to get married in the first place and is being portrayed by the show as an immature cry baby with abandonment issues that are controlling her life.

 

Personally, I think she knows what she wants and is not stupid. She's a woman with dating experience and a woman knows when a man is into you period. And Tres is not into her like that at all.

 

I don't see any evidence of this at all.  Vanessa can't even communicate her needs to Tres, so how can he know what she wants.  

 

My issue with Vanessa is that she doesn't know how to communicate.  I also think she has an unrealistic view of life.  No man will be enough for her because she's looking for a romantic fantasy.  Even when she was talking to her sister she couldn't hold her head up and look her in the eye; and what about when Vanessa just left, walked out of the house, WTF?  Why can't she just sit down with Tres and tell him how she feels?  Vanessa's a grown woman, I just don't get it.  

[moonxyz]

I don't see any evidence of this at all.  Vanessa can't even communicate her needs to Tres, so how can he know what she wants.  

 

My issue with Vanessa is that she doesn't know how to communicate.  I also think she has an unrealistic view of life.  No man will be enough for her because she's looking for a romantic fantasy.  Even when she was talking to her sister she couldn't hold her head up and look her in the eye; and what about when Vanessa just left, walked out of the house, WTF?  Why can't she just sit down with Tres and tell him how she feels?  Vanessa's a grown woman, I just don't get it.  

 

I'm not going to judge her because of this particular scene wiht her sister. She has had several scenes with her sister where the communication was not an issue.

 

The emphasis on her communication being problematic is her storyline. The insecure girl with abandonment issues that are going to "drive away" her perfect southern gentleman of a husband.

 

The only time Vanessa was unwilling to communicate was when she was upset about Jenna but acted blamed it on other unimportant shit. However, she did not hesitate to talk to him about:

-his past as a player

-his intentions when going into the show

-his drunken episode

-future plans together i.e. the possibility of moving in

 

Her expectations are not unrealistic in my opinion. Wanting a man that is committed, shows affection, initiates physical contact and is excited about living together is not asking for much.

Edited February 27, 2016 by moonxyz

[allthelight]

Oh please. Vanessa's sister herself has said (I'm not assuming, she said it plainly and openly) that Vanessa is difficult to communicate with. So unless her sister is lying to paint Vanessa in a bad light I choose to believe her, particularly because it fits her behavior on the show. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are it is actually a duck. 

[Neurochick]

Her expectations are not unrealistic in my opinion. Wanting a man that is committed, shows affection, initiates physical contact and is excited about living together is not asking for much.

 

 

My feeling about Vanessa is that she wants Tres to be the way SHE thinks he should be.  She wants a man to be what in her mind is the perfect man.  The problem is that expectations never match up to reality.  

[moonxyz]

@ allthelight I can only go by what I've seen. her communication with her sister what not abnormal. I have the right to my opinion on that.

 

And besides, I'm repeating myself, a part from the Jenna incident, Vanessa has had not problem communicating with Tres. The person in the relationship with the biggest communication issue is Tres. He doesn't have the decency to tell her I don't like you/I would have preferred a white woman/you annoy me/ you're too uptight/I don't really want to be married. At least Vanessa is being truthful here...

My feeling about Vanessa is that she wants Tres to be the way SHE thinks he should be.  She wants a man to be what in her mind is the perfect man.  The problem is that expectations never match up to reality.  

 

Having standards doesn't make her an unrealistic princess. This is not Ashley. Wanting your husband to want you and act like he wants you is not a big ask. Wanting him to slow down on the drinking is not a big ask either. Wondering about your future living situation shouldn't be such a sensitive topic that will annoy your husband, make him deflect and call you at your flaws. 

[Evil Queen]

Do we know if Vanessa and her sister consider themselves close? I know I can say that there is no communication between my sister and I but whatever she says could be another thing to people. We had never been close so there was no way to ever say that honestly if either of us had. Maybe with communication there can be that issue with her family but not friends or others, does that make sense? I know for me it does because of how it is for me. I do see both sides on what is being said about her though. I see points to both that can be true. Such as she has been the one from the get go to be touchy feely like and he doesn't return it when she is. That to me wouldn't sit well and would make me wonder. Yet I also see the parts of her where it looks like she wants a husband to be a certain way that her ideas of have lead her to believe they should be. I think the communication on both ends could use a little work. 

 

 

And as for the way these people look, I think all of them could have something said about them but to me in the end if you are decent looking on the outside it won't be shit if you are a crappy person on the inside. Sam no matter what is a disgusting person and not the best kept up in the way she dresses and looks either. I have to say that I can't stand when men think women need to put make up on to look good because I see to many that over do that and look horrible. I am one of those that could care less about make up and only will use it if I get dressed up. BUT I make sure I look ok otherwise when I am out and about. If Sam has a frizz issue there are products out there for that. I constantly use something for my hair because of where I am and how it can be humid at times. I don't think she is in the best of shape for what she is wearing but she isn't fat and overweight either. She could do with better clothes though for her body type but no matter what that girl was to do she is ugly because of the way she behaves. Once she starts to act up no one would find her attractive no matter how she dressed, how her hair was or the amount of make up on her. I think we have heard about why David had some weight on him and even so he wasn't that bad. Tres wasn't great either when looking at him. Ashley had her issues as well but that was more so her behavior to me as well. Then Vanessa just either is tired or something. I saw that in the beginning that her eyes looked a certain way but otherwise she seemed decent enough. Of course there is Neil and he has big eyes. But that isn't always a creepy bad thing. My daughter has beautiful hazel eyes that are big. She doesn't open all wide eyed like Neil does though but she also has pretty long lashes to go with her's. When he opens them like that it can be a bit off setting. When he is just normal it is fine IMO. I have never had issues with the facial hair. I think it trimmed nicely works for him. My husband has always had facial hair and the few times he shaved it all off I didn't like it. LOL I know others were saying things about those with him. He is skinny but its more because he runs. Its typical body type for a runner. That is what one of my high school boyfriends was like. He was on his track team. Everyone though has there own tastes in who they find an attractive type and like I said in the end for most people that personality can affect it as well. 

[allthelight]

Yes, they are close. She wrote a "I love my sis" (didn't seem sarcastic) and I think she even mentioned on the show itself how close she is to her sister and mother. Hell, the woman (Vanessa) herself has brought up that she has difficulties with communication. I don't really understand why this is hard to believe. The whole "Will he choose marriage or divorce?" situation might help in setting off her insecurities and anxiety, but it only sets of that was lingering there before. When I saw her in the wedding episode, I was stunned why a young, beautiful (even stunning) woman with a good career, a nice demeanor, no obvious baggage and no fame hunger would go on a show like this. Now I know. She was hoping for this perfect human being that would read her perfectly and would avoid anything that could set off her insecurities. The thing is - nobody can be that to anybody, and even less so someone who was chosen for you and who has known you only for five weeks.

 

Tres has his own (normal) insecurities. He might be pondering whether she can be the life of his life, whether he can overcome her walking out on him or whether he thinks she will improve her communication with him. She wants him to read her perfectly and be 100 % reassuring, but how can he? He's trying to give this marriage a real go, but of course the 6-weeks-mark is close and he has to consider whether this marriage is worth the effort or whether continuing it is a waste of everyone's time. It's legitimate, otherwise we wouldn't have the six weeks mark.

 

I say it again: Vanessa expected a perfect Amazon husband package and the show was her shortcut. She didn't expect that this shortcut comes with its own downfalls. That's not on Tres and not on the show - that's on her. 

[Lola16]

 

think that the negative comments about appearance have been all reflective on the awful personalities on display

Seems that it's more based on who the posters liked and the comments weren't objective. I, for one, grew tired of hearing about Ashley's mustache (seriously, it's a shadow, I doubt there was even stubble, the make-up and lighting weren't her friends) and Sam's midsection and comments about their shorts.  It's Atlanta, it's hot, they are all in decent shape.  But since Ashley and Sam were mostly reviled, there were few posts that didn't include pot shots about their looks.  It's akin to name calling in my opinion.  If that's the best you can do...

[princelina]

Yeah, their weight wasn't the problem, it was the ridiculously unflattering outfits (especially Sam, dear Lord). These gals could benefit from an hour with a stylist, or at least a fashion-savvy gay friend or something.

I agree it was the bad outfits, and especially the skimpy shorts which were unflattering - Vanessa always looked cute.  Also, at least with Sam, she always looked in need of a bath and shampoo.  I get that it's hot in Atlanta, and if that's the way she likes to hang out around her house then whatever, but IMO if you want to be on TV, fix yourself up a little!

[MommyToMyCats]

He doesn't have the decency to tell her I don't like you/I would have preferred a white woman/you annoy me/ you're too uptight/I don't really want to be married. At least Vanessa is being truthful here...

I must've missed when Tres said he prefers white women...I don't remember that at all. When did he say that? At the wedding? Seems like something he and the "experts" would have covered ahead of time...smh. Edited February 29, 2016 by Drogo
Quote formatting

[Snarklepuss]

Oh please. Vanessa's sister herself has said (I'm not assuming, she said it plainly and openly) that Vanessa is difficult to communicate with. So unless her sister is lying to paint Vanessa in a bad light I choose to believe her, particularly because it fits her behavior on the show. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, chances are it is actually a duck. 

 

Can you or someone else list specifically how Vanessa's behavior on the show fits with her being labeled as particularly "uncommunicative"?  Because I'm just not seeing that save for the Jenna situation.  I see cuts of her looking sullen and "done" but after she has already said her piece.  To me it looks like the experts and/or production want to instigate her into constantly bringing up her issues with Tres and she won't do that.  I see more evidence of Neil being uncommunicative with Sam and yet nothing has been made of that, so I don't get where Vanessa is all that bad.  And even if she is keeping some things inside I actually don't blame her that much at this point.  She just met the guy a few weeks ago and has hopes of things progressing with him.  She is trying to be as open as she can with him without alienating him totally.  That can be a hard balance to strike in any new relationship.  What should she do, be "in his face" about everything she doesn't like, like Sam did with Neil and potentially totally alienate him?  I don't think so.  When I have been only a few weeks into a relationship I never did that either.  I waited to see where things went first before having a level of trust that if I opened up about something it wouldn't be taken the wrong way or used against me.  Sometimes some of those things are misunderstandings that work themselves out.  Better not to harp on them with the other person and risk wrecking the relationship altogether for nothing.  I think Sam should have taken that approach if you ask me.  Then again I don't see where Vanessa has kept everything inside.  I have seen her telling Tres when something bothers her.

[jamblastx]

Has Vanessa really received any criticism for her appearance?

 

I think all of them look fine, including Sam. They are not dolled up and they don't have to. Appearance is not the problem anyway. Behaviour is. 

 

In the last few episode threads, there have been more than a few comments about her not wearing makeup, always looking sour, not 'dressing' up for Tres, etc.  This did not happen early in the season

[Crazy Bird Lady]

There is nothing new about the double standard criticizing women for physical flaws much more harshly than they do men. In fact, I note that the newly-married women who did not find their just-met husbands attractive have been roundly criticized, whereas there have actually been a few comments 'justifying' Tres for maybe not being all that 'into' Vanessa because she doesn't wear makeup all day long and have her hair immaculately done from dawn to dusk!!

 

It also seems that men who are well-liked get a total 'pass' on that type of criticism. Take Tres, for example... He's carrying a few extra pounds (probably not more than 10--15).He certainly doesn't seem to be concerned about dressing nicely around the house, or even fixing his hair, unless he's actually on his way to work or going out on the town. But how many complaints are there about that??

 

...Anyway, tonight will be the big "reveal". I hope they don't spend most of the episode on "flashbacks" like they did with Part 1!!

 

[tvwatcher104]

I must've missed when Tres said he prefers white women...I don't remember that at all. When did he say that? At the wedding? Seems like something he and the "experts" would have covered ahead of time...smh.

i heard it as well, i *think* it was in the wedding episode when he would have seen Vanessa for the first time or so... he mentioned that his past (dating) was mostly made up of white or light women. his bff is light as well, and i think she is/was his preference in terms of looks.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

i heard it as well, i *think* it was in the wedding episode when he would have seen Vanessa for the first time or so... he mentioned that his past (dating) was mostly made up of white or light women. his bff is light as well, and i think she is/was his preference in terms of looks.

 

I'm still convinced that Tres' bff is a significant ex-.

 

I seem to recall a comment like that by Tres in the first episode, too, but it was just made in passing. He hasn't said much of anything about past romances (at least, not on camera) except for mentioning his 'party' lifestyle. For all that Tres complains about Vanessa keeping things to herself, I've noticed very little discussion about Tres' personal past [other than frequent condemnations of the mother who abandoned him].

[Kareem]

Thought the Tres preferring white women story was online made by someone who claimed to know him before the season started.

None of them talked a lot about their pasts, did they? Neil mentioned midway that Sam had an issue with his ex-. Tres did on their honeymoon and she had a meltdown... And Ashley didn't talk so there's that.

[AJH]

I find it distressing that Ashley signed on for this in the first place. She's a seemingly smart girl who knows herself well enough to say she takes time to warm to someone, that she moves slowly. So why join an intense 6-week marriage experiment? I get that she has needs that must be met and can even respect that she won't jump into bed with a guy after 2 dates, but the whole premise of this show seems the exact opposite of how she needs her relationships to evolve. Ashley was a cold, guarded person throughout the process; there's no other way to interpret her behavior toward David. She never seemed willing to make even many small steps to allow him to, you know, actually know her. So they played kickball? That doesn't make a marriage. Nor does a jog or fun on the ropes course. Ashley barely communicated. She was an unfair "participant" from the get go. We can't fault her for not being attracted to David, but I can - and do - fault her unwillingness to keep looking at him, to keep considering him after first sight.

[AJH]

I think Vanessa and Tres have largely handled the experiment and one another remarkably well. At times I think Vanessa shows her age on the show, but I don't mean to pass too much judgement with that comment. If I remember correctly, she's only 25, and by today's standards (at least where I live in the Northeast) this is still somewhat young to get married. And I give her a lot of credit for knowing what she wants. I also feel her job as a corporate events planner is very telling. Vanessa suffers when she feels she's not in control. And when are we more vulnerable than when we're falling in love?

[Prancey]

Disappointed in Ashley, she wasn't in from day one. Her attitude was that of a spoiled child. Everything had to evolve around her. She a very cold disheartening person to have watched. David may have not Ben perfect, considering what he had to deal with didn't make it easy. Didn't see any feelings at all from her I guess I would have reached out to someone a long time before the Facebook incident besides who wasn't in it. Her pity the person who has to deal with her. She'll never be a happy person or a loving one either.

[tvwatcher104]

I find it distressing that Ashley signed on for this in the first place. She's a seemingly smart girl who knows herself well enough to say she takes time to warm to someone, that she moves slowly. So why join an intense 6-week marriage experiment? I get that she has needs that must be met and can even respect that she won't jump into bed with a guy after 2 dates, but the whole premise of this show seems the exact opposite of how she needs her relationships to evolve. Ashley was a cold, guarded person throughout the process; there's no other way to interpret her behavior toward David. She never seemed willing to make even many small steps to allow him to, you know, actually know her. So they played kickball? That doesn't make a marriage. Nor does a jog or fun on the ropes course. Ashley barely communicated. She was an unfair "participant" from the get go. We can't fault her for not being attracted to David, but I can - and do - fault her unwillingness to keep looking at him, to keep considering him after first sight.

it's not her fault she was ultimately picked, that's on the 'experts' or whomever has the final casting say-so. surely they would have seen her mute-ness during some portion of interviews w/her. maybe she was cast for the exact reason she's getting so much attention .. because they need a villain and someone we will all be talking about and wondering over until the next group comes up. marriage isn't their goal in these programs, it's entertaining us and evoking emotion from us, which is has, obviously :-)

Edited March 4, 2016 by tvwatcher104

[sasha206]

Holy shit, I just got through this season 3.  Sam is a nut.  I don't think she liked Neil until he told her he didn't miss her.  As soon as he wasn't the wimp, and became more unattainable, the more she wanted him.