MommyToMyCats

I don't remember hearing either Jennifer or Bill saying that the show is negatively affecting them. Was this something mentioned in an episode at some point, in an interview, or somewhere else? I'd be very interested to hear what they said was bad about it and why. Personally, from watching the show and from what information is publicly available about them, I've thus far observed nothing negative in their lives that could be attributed to filming. However, given that obviously we only see the tiniest sliver of what their lives are really like, I'm the first to admit this is an opinion only, as I don't have anywhere close to enough information to do anything other than speculate. Thus, why I'm interested in hearing what Jennifer and Bill themselves have said about it. Thanks in advance for pointing me in the right direction!

Just a thought, but I wonder if what Bill is really "over" is filming the show? Or at minimum, filming yet another Q&A episode with the same questions as all the previous ones...

Vanessa and Tres: First, it seemed to me as though the couples received less support from the "experts" this season than did the couples from both of the previous seasons. I also didn't get the sense that the couples got much, if any, help after the fact, from either the "experts" from the show or otherwise. This makes me sad for V and T, because I think they might've had a chance had they gotten real counseling from a real counselor. I truly find that to be unfortunate. As far as whether Tres ever had romantic feelings for Vanessa...neither of them clarified, so it's impossible to be sure. However, trying to piece together what they both said and what we saw this season, my theory is that Tres was beginning to develop those kinds of feelings for Vanessa, but that her repeated reiteration to Tres that he wasn't living up to her standards eventually killed whatever feelings were initially there. Once Tres started to resent Vanessa for her criticism and lukewarm attitude towards him, he no longer wanted to be sexually intimate with her. As we've said all season, sexual attraction can grow - or diminish - dramatically based on someone's personality, completely independent of outside beauty. And once Tres stopped wanting physical intimacy with Vanessa, her insecurities, doubts, and suspicions must have spiraled out of control, causing Tres to withdraw from her even more, and so on. At that point, I think they would've needed some serious intervention to get their relationship back on the rails, and again, it appears they got nothing. In summary, I honestly don't think either of them is a bad person or had insincere motives for being on the show. While Tres might not have been actively pursuing marriage at the time the show recruited him, I really do believe that he was open to falling for Vanessa and staying married. After everything we've seen/heard, still Team Tres here. Sam and David: Not real thoughts about either one. Eh, whatevs on these two. Neil: So happy for him that he managed not to get sucked back in by Sam. I would have been very disappointed for him if they were together as a couple. I also thought it was interesting that Sam was throwing around the "L" word to Dr. Pepper, but Neil told Dr. Pepper that he was hearing the word "love" for the first time when Dr. Pepper asked him the question. Ashley: Not only was she the super bitch from hell tonight, she also had some serious attitude going. She acted so damn smug the whole time she was talking to Dr. Pepper, but I can't for the life of me figure out what she thinks she has about which to be smug. Was so weird to me. The "Experts": Goodbye and good riddance to Dr. Joseph and everyone's favorite sexologist. I would kill to know if they left voluntarily or if the show let them go. I've always thought Dr. Pepper to be the most sensible and helpful of any of them, in addition to being the only one who truly seems to give a damn about any of the participants.

If being completely honest, after what we've seen of Sam, who here would really have told Sam alone, beforehand, that you wanted a divorce? If, and this is a big if, she didn't just kill you outright and stuff you in a deep freeze, can you imagine what the remainder of the time would've been like with her after that? Hell, I wouldn't have wanted to spend two seconds alone with her after delivering that news. You can bet the verbal abuse would have rocketed to levels beyond one's ability to even imagine. My point is this...it's easy to sit at our keyboards and judge Neil for not telling her beforehand, but I'm pretty sure most of us would've done the same thing if actually faced with that situation. Add to this the fact that Neil doesn't appear to be the most assertive person in the world under the best of circumstances, and I think it's a freaking miracle he was able to say no to her at all. So yeah, Neil isn't someone who I think I'd be interested in personally, but I can't help but cut the guy some slack on waiting to tell Sam "buh-bye" until he was safely surrounded by other people who could, at minimum, tell the police where to find the body, and at best, to have someone else to help deal with Sam's crazy.

I must've missed when Tres said he prefers white women...I don't remember that at all. When did he say that? At the wedding? Seems like something he and the "experts" would have covered ahead of time...smh.

Becki - It sounds cool amd sophisticated to say how over one is of the batblog (or whatever...). I've seen this on other blogs...it seems to be cyclical. Someone will say it, other people like the way it sounds, and jump on the bandwagon of acting like only someone pathetic would still care about that stupid drivel. After a while, everybody's talking about it again and having some harmless fun. Repeat, repeat, .... Or, maybe the person really is over it, but I've never understood why that requires a big, public announcement. You're over it? Great! Scroll through those posts and read the ones that interest you.In my opinion, you owe no one an explanation and shouldn't feel shamed for still reading. I have what I consider to be an awesome, full life, have an "important" job, whatever, and I check the batblog every night after I go to bed. My job is so stressful I need a little mindless distraction to relax and sleep...and Jackie provides that in spades. Don't care what anybody thinks about it, either. (-: So I say post away. (-: ETA....I'm really sorry for quoting the referenced post 3 times. When I go to edit, it only shows it once, so not sure how to fix either. My first attempt at quoting text...a marginal success lol.

Love this!! Totally agree. #teamtres

It would never occur to me, personally, to negatively judge anyone for not being into someone, even if said someone really is indisputably the nicest, most awesome person to ever grace planet earth. I haven't been in the dating game for the last 8 years or so since meeting my hubby, so I also wasn't aware that women are now regularly judged harshly for not falling for guys who society deems nice. Just didn't realize that was even a thing, I guess. For me, I have developed a negative opinion of Ashley, as she's been depicted on the show and from her personal tweets, for two reasons. One, I think that if you sign up for MAFS, you should give your match a chance, even if you're not initially into him - not because he's a great guy and you're therefore obligated to fall for him, but because you agreed to be on a show where being open to developing a relationship with someone you might not be initially into is kind of one of the major premises of the "experiment." Two, as many others have said, regardless of whether you have any romantic inclinations toward someone at all, you can still treat the other person with respect, kindness, and basic human decency...all while still being clear about your intentions and not leading the person on. I suppose it's possible, but doesn't seem probable, that David, or any of the participants for that matter, would be truly incapable of understanding the statement, "You seem like a great person, but you're never going to be a great match for me, and even though I kind of agreed to do so when I signed up for the show, I really am just not willing to stay open to the possibility that I might change my mind about this. We're in this together for the next 6 weeks, however, so let's be friends and make the best of it. Deal?" I'm other words, as has been repeated ad nauseum, you can't control who you're attracted to. But, you CAN control being open to the possibility of attraction developing. And even if you aren't willing to do that, you certainly nonetheless can still control how you treat someone. From what we've been shown on the show and what I've seen of Ashley's tweets, it appears to me she never even considered the possibility an attraction to David could develop, and even worse, she appears to think he's scum and treats him as such, without ever really articulating any reason why, other than he's not attractive because he doesn't have dark features. So yeah...that's why she comes across as being a bitch to me. ***ETA...I realize editing plays some role in what we see, as only a very limited amount of footage can be aired, and it would be naive to think the footage is chosen to give us the most accurate picture of the situation. This show is for entertainment, and therefore it only stands to reason the editing will be done not so much with the intention of being true to actual reality, but with the intention of creating something entertaining. However, what we're shown is what we have to go off of in forming opinions about the participants, and to me that's pretty much an implicit disclaimer to any discussion we have about them. It also seems like it would be obvious to the participants that what's shown of them on tv might not be true to life...but it seems like participants on all reality shows are regularly shocked when the footage is chosen to maximize entertainment value. Finally, the only way to avoid editing biases would be to have 24/7 unedited footage of the couples. But one, who would agree to that, as it's only really feasible if the people stay locked up in a house Big Brother style? Two, even if participants would agree, staying locked in a house would lose the contrived "reality of being married" situations created by the producers. And three, who the hell would watch hours of unedited footage of people doing mostly absolutely nothing of any interest??

A few observations... More so than the 2 prior seasons, this season seems practically bereft of true (reliable) spoilers. All I've read are unsubstantiated rumors, gossip, and speculation. The alleged spoilers have no indicia of reliability, e.g. no mention of the source, no earlier spoilers which haven proven true to make it seem likely the current spoilers might also be true, no definitive verification of any of the allegations being presented as fact. One also gets the sense some of the supposed spoilers are being planted not to truly spoil anything, but because the people who claim to have the info are just enjoying the attention. Oh well, guess we'll just have to wait until the end to find out what happens! As fun as spoilers can be, suspense can be kind of fun, too. (-: Two, regarding the location of Ashley and David's honeymoon being support for a criminal history of some sort....the US Virgin Islands, where the other two couples went, is a US territory. No passport required, no different than traveling to another state. Thus, if David was able to leave GA for AZ, he could have left GA for the USVI. Three, the tweet warning Ashley about David's arrest and "conviction" doesn't ring true because, well, even assuming the AZ court record is for "our" David, he wasn't convicted...and therefore, the tweet is not in fact true. A conviction occurs only when one pleads not guilty and after trial is found to be guilty. Whomever is referenced in the court records appears to have entered what we would call a "no contest" please in my state and agreed to fulfill certain conditions in exchange for same. This is FAR different from a conviction. Four, I have no idea how the production company could prove that Ashley, or Jamie, or anyone for that matter, participated in the show in bad faith such that they could meet the required burden of proof for breach of contract. The only person who knows my true intentions is me, and it would be damn near impossible for anyone to prove otherwise. I had a boyfriend who I now want to make jealous...yeah, never going to be able to prove that. I wasn't really ready for marriage? Can't prove that either. This, of course, assuming their contracts actually require these things. (I personally haven't seen a MAFS contract to confirm what is/isn't included). Five, I keep seeing people saying they're saving screen shots of things on social media, but I can't figure out for what purpose. Sincerely curious...what would you ever do with them? The only thing I can think of is maybe to send them to the show participants to point out inaccuracies is what they've said, but that seems over the top and kind of pointless, as I have a difficult time imagining any of them responding, "Hey, thanks for showing me those. You're right...I AM a total hypocrite." Lol Finally, a quick look at the different twitter accounts of the participants is a bit disturbing, honestly. There are so many people who seem obsessed with them, in a way that just seems out of proportion with reality. They obviously don't actually know any of them...and at the end of the day, first and foremost, this is just a TV show...

I have a difficult time faulting Tres for not wanting to give up their respective apartments quite yet. After all, while the 6 week mark is their first opportunity to divorce, it's not as though they can't later make that decision...e.g. Jacklyn and Basement Ryan and Jessica and Ryan. Let's face it...6 weeks, with cameras, etc, is not much on which to base a permanent decision about staying married. Thus, I really don't see it as Tres not being all in, but more as Tres being realistic and pragmatic. Plus, we only saw a couple minutes of what was probably a lengthy conversation. Then again, as I've said before, I like Tres, a lot, in spite of myself. (-:

Regarding changing jobs....interesting topic and was just discussing this with my husband a few nights ago. I've always thought changing jobs frequently to be a negative, for many reasons. Both my parents have worked for the same companies since before I was born, as have most of my other close older relatives/family friends. So I guess I just thought that was how it was to be done, and I'd also heard plenty of advice about not job-hopping. Fast forward to the present...I'm a 38 year old attorney and in the 15 years I've been practicing, I've had 7 jobs....which kind of horrifies me. That seems like about 5 too many in my estimation. But, when you look at why.... my first job was with Americorps and was only a 2 year position regardless. I also got married and moved halfway across the country, necessitating a job change obviously (and another bar admission, which sucked). One company decided to close all their Texas offices...so again, another new job was necessary. Anyway, short story long is that all but 2 of my job changes have been dictated by unavoidable circumstances, not by an inability on my part to keep a job. I've also increased my salary and responsibilities with each move. However, there's still part of me that keeps thinking that while that's all well and good, must. keep. current. job. no. matter. what. (A little over 3 years there, and still love it....but not a ton of opportunities for advancement). My husband, a computer engineer for a huge company, is in management and does lots of hiring. He contends that moving companies is almost always the best way to advance and is now so common that when they get a CV from someone who's been in one place forever, they wonder about the person's ambition, if he/she will be a go-getter or is just complacent, etc. Personally, I find his views on the matter to be pretty surprising, but at the same time, I have to acknowledge that he's much more in the know about this kind of thing than I am by virtue of being management in a company that dominates that particular industry world-wide. All of that to say, I'm willing to at least consider that frequent job changes don't necessarily mean anything negative, as I've always thought. And in fact, can apparently indicate the exact opposite. (-:

Whatever the truth behind "textgate," it somewhat restores my faith in mankind that people aren't willing to buy the bullsh*t Ashley's trying to sell us, regardless. Not sure what I'd have to find out David has done to poor little Ashley to actually feel any sympathy for her, but I know said text didn't even make me blink. Regarding David's graveside scene....honestly, men who are super dramatic and sob and whatnot (often) are off-putting to me. Right or wrong, they just are. Not that I'm looking for some emotionless brute, such as Sam's dream guy (per her own descriptions in the first few episodes )...but neither am I looking for someone who acts like my 15 yr. old niece... Neil is also definitely not my cup of tea, but I can't help but give the guy a *ton* of credit for his self restraint in dealing with Sam's eff'd up ass. Not only would I have lost my sh*t about 45 times by now, I'd consider it lucky if I hadn't completely snapped. I most likely wouldn't have needed a new house for the next 2 weeks...the local psych hospital would've worked just fine. (-; Finally, I like Vanessa just fine and am still charmed by Tres. Just because he isn't all over Vanessa constantly doesn't mean he isn't into her or committed, IMHO. I think Tres is just too easy-going to be that all over anything. Hoping that's true, at least. Rooting for V and Tres, as I think they both have the potential to make great spouses.

My personal opinion is that Meri did have some doubts as to the authenticity of "Sam's" claims, but that said doubts were squelched for two reasons. One, I believe Meri had a desperate desire for Sam to be real, such that she probably spent much more mental energy trying to overlook or justify why the things Sam said were real, vs. spending any real effort trying to discredit/disprove them. She simply didn't want Sam to be a fraud, so she did all sorts of mental gymnastics to convince herself that he wasn't. As they say, "denial" isn't just a river in Egypt.... Two, I also think Meri in fact did question Sam on a few of his most outrageous claims. Sam has said so himself, actually, at some point on the batblog....although I can't remember exactly when. However, I believe that when Meri would challenge Sam about some part of his story, she was quickly punished by Sam. The texts, the voice-mails, and Sam's own blog all support the fact that Sam would first shame Meri for her doubts with over-the-top displays of righteous anger and hurt. Sam would then drive the point home that he wasn't to be questioned by refusing to interact with Meri for a period of time. Further, I suspect Meri is treated generally the same way by Kody any time she tries to stand up for herself. First shame, then the withholding of love/time. So, I think this is a pattern with which she's quite familiar, and she's well aware that the solution (meaning, the way to keep from being rejected) is to stop questioning anything and instead to just declare her undying love, admiration, and so on for said individual instead.... Finally, I think Meri knew she'd been duped for a while before cutting ties with Sam completely, because I'm sure she knew she was in deep by that point. I'm absolutely convinced she knew that when she ended her faux relationship with faux Sam, he was going to expose her to everyone....and she was right. So my guess is there was some period of time at the end where Meri knew the truth but was still playing along because she was in way over her head and couldn't figure out how to extricate herself from the situation without the world finding out she'd been having an emotional affair, with a woman nonetheless. To me, this helps to explain why a woman of seemingly otherwise average intelligence fell for Sam's stories in the first place, and then took so long to admit to herself (and then others) that her rich batman superhero is really just a pathetic, broke, mean-ass batgirl.

A few observations... 1. After this episode, it's official. I'm kind of crushing on Tres, and he's absolutely not my "type." (I know, I'm sick of that word by now too lol). He started to kind of draw me in during the conversation about sharing a bathroom when he was teasing Vanessa about passing gas in her sleep. I love truly good-natured teasing...and that cracked me up. Then, this episode, I actually found myself open to the possibility he was being sincere about wanting to be a good husband to V when they were talking after their fight. I heard an honest concern about not losing himself in the relationship and her expectations of him, but also what could be a real desire to meet her needs as best he can while still maintaining a healthy sense of autonomy. Taking him at face value, he might actually be that easy-going, personable, and sweet. In fact, I think it was the last that I was picking up on the most this week...just a sweetness. And I'm a sucker for innocent, guileless, sweetness. ***As others have mentioned, however, I also am wary of people whose livelihood depends on being smooth talkers. (Being an attorney, I'm quite familiar with this particular brand of individual lol...) Having said that, there are exceptions to every rule, and Tres just might be one. 2. Everyone keeps calling out all the participants as not being ready for marriage, and I would like to offer the opinion that while some might be *more* ready than others, it's impossible to be 100% ready for marriage. I waited until I was 33 to marry, had done years of therapy, months of pre-marital counseling with our pastor, etc...and 6 years later, it's still a learn - and grow - as you go process. 3. I know for a fact it's entirely possible for a man and woman to be completely platonic friends, because me and my (male) best friend are yet another example. We've been besties since 1st grade, have never so much as held hands, and can't imagine ever doing so. Both of our spouses get this and have zero issues with us hanging alone. My husband also has a few single female friends with whom he occasionally hangs out alone. Personally, if I couldn't trust my husband to be out of my sight, I wouldn't have married him. If someone wants to be unfaithful, he/she will be...and why would you want to hold on to someone like that anyway? Not saying husbands/wives shouldn't conduct themselves in a way that is respectful to the other, but I don't think that means categorically and arbitrarily excluding all friendships with members of the opposite sex. 5. People seem shocked as to why the "experts" chose Ashley (and Sam) for the show, as both seem unlikely to easily form quick, healthy matches with others. However, this assumes that the "experts" are making their selections with the goal of creating healthy matches. In my opinion, most participants are chosen for their potential for drama and keeping viewers talking, with a match being a bonus. 5. Based on what's been shown to us so far on tv and her social media, I cannot stand Ashley. 6. Ditto for Sam. That is all. (-: