NFL Thread

[King of Birds]

Cleveland Browns QB is the new Spinal Tap drummer.

I wonder if they have insurance if Cody spontaneously explodes?

Edited September 20, 2016 by King of Birds

[voiceover]

Monday Football Hangover.  For a game that could've been worse, that one was still pretty bad.

Looks like I'll have to retire the "Houston is Our Bitch" tee.  At least for now.

[mojoween]

I don't generally care about the Bears, I rooted for them last night only because who they were playing, but I've decided I've come around to the point of getting tired of the shit piled on Jay Cutler.

It's getting annoying listening to all of these former players tell him how to feel and how injured he is by looking at him.  I love Ryan Clark, but he's not a QB, so how does he know what a hurt thumb feels like to a quarterback? He and Golic were back in the caveman mentality this morning.

Look, I get it, Jay brought some of this on himself with his demeanor.  But that's his FACE.  He can't help it.  And in the end he's got the money, pretty wife and cute kids so he'll be ok.  I'm just getting tired of hearing it.

[merylinkid]

I don't get the Cutler hate either.   Is he a GREAT QB?   No.   But, if his O-Line actually wasn't porous as  a fishing net, maybe he would have time to stay upright and make some plays.   He would get hurt less too.   

Saw a very interesting stat last night -- the last time a QB for the Browns completed all 16 games was Tim Crouch in 2001.   The same year Brady took over for the Pats.   Maybe the Browns should stop looking for a superstar QB and just find a durable one.   And fix the o-line (see above re Bears) so they don't get hurt all the time.

[BitterApple]

I agree about Cutler. Is he on the level of Brady or Manning? No, but he certainly isn't a Jamarcus Russell or Ryan Leaf either. 

[MargeGunderson]

Or a Mark Sanchez

[stealinghome]

Better than a Trent Dilfer, probably. ;)

More seriously, I do feel like Cutler falls into that category of average QB--not terrible or a bust, but never going to be on the Brady/Peyton/Rodgers/Brees level--that is almost as bad as being terrible, because the NFL is so starved for good QB play that anyone who's not amazing is considered "a disappointment" because they're average and people constantly talk about how they're a disappointment for being average instead of a Hall of Fame talent. It's like fans forget that most QBs are, in fact, quite average (by definition!).

Edited September 21, 2016 by stealinghome

[ElDosEquis]

Hey ya Football Hay Zeus,

Thanks for helping me out last week, but I was cool with your CFB performance.

Not looking for any particular outcomes to the games this week, keep them close and keep fucking politics out of my only refuge on Sundays.

I'll light a candle and some other stuff.

We will talk later on.

Amen.

[BitterApple]

24 minutes ago, ElDosEquis said:

 

Not looking for any particular outcomes to the games this week, keep them close and keep fucking politics out of my only refuge on Sundays.

This x a million. I'd be willing to sacrifice my Tom Brady for the rest of the season if it means not having to hear about Colin fucking Kaepernick every two seconds. Please, Football Jesus, make it happen.

[ElDosEquis]

On ‎9‎/‎17‎/‎2016 at 11:17 PM, Mountainair said:

Speaking of having to pee...... 

Last season I'm caught a Jacksonville (?) game on tv and noticed they had a friggin "pool" in the stands! Really it looked like a small holding tank that was probably filled with urine as everyone in it was holding beers and having a grand old time. Gross! 

When your team sucks I guess that's a small perk to be a stadium filler. 

During Super Bowl 21, My brother and I were at a friends house watching the game.

Someone had a pool going and we bought some boxes and settled in to party

RIGHT BEFORE halftime my brother's box hit  for 100 dollars - he started to talk smack, stood up and went into the head to take a leak.

I told him not to be a wise ass, his money wasn't guaranteed...there was still time on the clock until halftime.

He goes in and the Broncos kick off.

Toast Patterson - of the Giants- takes the ball on the three or four yard line and starts up field......10, 20, 40 he crosses midfield and the room starts to scream.......He runs the ball back 90+ yards for a score and my brother, oblivious to the screaming opens the door and stumbles out of the room grabbing at his crotch, trying to get himself zippered up....the bathroom was behind and to the side of the TV set , so everyone was looking at him, laughing.

He was screaming, "What HAPPENED?????" and when he found out that he has lost his C-note he was pissed.

I told him that the run back was almost a dollar a yard.

The ultimate 'burn' was when the Raiders picked Patterson up and I'd laugh and point him out during the warmups to my brother.

He'd laugh and say "Fucker cost me".............. 

[xaxat]

That Houston returner hanging on to his towel for dear life in one hand while fumbling the ball in his other gave me a good laugh.

[MargeGunderson]

I am pleasantly surprised by the Pats tonight. I thought it would be more competitive. Houston doesn't look like they're on their game tonight. No Brady, no Gronk, no Garappalo, no problem. (Yes, I know Gronk is in but he hasn't been a factor).

Anyone else think that Gronk was planning on being out until Brady came back, assuming that the Pats would lose so why bother? Just me?

[scriggle]

I think it just goes to show that no other coach can game plan like Belichek.

[stealinghome]

The Pats MVP tonight was probably the Houston kick returner. Goodness, special teams were brutal for the Texans. I think the Pats are in the Texans' heads at this point. The Texans aren't THIS unready for primetime...at least I don't think.

Hats off to Jacoby Brissett for tonight. That's a HARD situation to be stepping into and he played with incredible poise. Stayed calm and collected, stayed within himself, executed the game plan. The Pats just needed him not to lose the game and he more than delivered on that. Hats off! And hats off to the Pats D. After an utterly putrid second half last week, they made a statement tonight. They definitely wanted redemption.

This was the epitome of a team win for the Pats.

Edited September 23, 2016 by stealinghome

[voiceover]

I need a Valium the size of my head.  We lost to *these guys*??? *facepalm*

[Jx223]

Tonight was a very good win for the Patriots. They gave a very strong team effort and we're well prepared. Jacoby did a nice job filling in tonight in the QB position. He made some nice plays and didn't have any turnovers. I am happy that he got his first win tonight.

Blount also did a very good job, along with the defense, punter Ryan Allen and others. It looks like the Patriots may very well go 4-0 while Tom is out.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Jx223

[ganesh]

I heard the backup QB for the Pats was going to be That Guy In Row 12 When He's Done With His Pretzel. 

Really though, if you're giving up 2 obvious pass interference calls in the end zone on the same series, you're just not doing well.

How come they didn't wear their Lettermen's jackets?!

[twoods]

I swear Belichek has a deal with the devil- 4-0 without Brady? Are you fucking kidding me?  I know they haven't played the Bills yet, but they should be able to handle that trainwreck just fine. The anger, it burns.

[mojoween]

I hate this.  Belichick was the Giants first and so I liked him then, I hate him now.  I hate all of this and can only hope that somehow, some way the Browns can win that game.

Also, the NFL has the worst rules for coaches, in that the former Niners coach got fined for wanting to wear a suit and Belichick is within league rules to wear a sweatshirt with sleeves that look like they were ripped off and wrinkly old khakis.  He looks ridiculous.

[merylinkid]

The 49ers coach was almost fined not for wanting to wear a suit but because Nike doesn't make suits and you have to wear Nike.   Belicheck is the master of following the rules, right up to the line.

The Texans are a mess.   Osweiler didn't even look that good when he filled in for Manning last year but the Texans ignored that fact, just saw the Ws and overpaid for him.   

Even if they lose to the Bills, the Pats are 3-1 and Brady comes back the next week.     For a minute there it looked like Brissett was hurt and i was wondering what Edelman time would look like.   

[FuriousStyles]

6 minutes ago, merylinkid said:

The 49ers coach was almost fined not for wanting to wear a suit but because Nike doesn't make suits and you have to wear Nike.   Belicheck is the master of following the rules, right up to the line.

Right.  Until he actually crosses it. 

I actually picked Houston to win this game and I don't want to believe I did so *just* because I loathe everything about the Patriots.  Because really, if you're a team poised to go deep into the playoffs then you should be able to beat a team who's using their THIRD string QB, and with a couple other key pieces not healthy or even starting. At the very least the game should be competitive.  The fact that it wasn't speaks more on Houston (and Arizona in Game 1).  The Pats are in the other teams heads. The whole league is choking!  I guess maybe I should be hoping for another undefeated season by the Pats so they can lose in the Superbowl again.   That would be really nice.

[DrSpaceman73]

What a pathetic showing by Houston. 

 

NE is now 14-5 under BB without Tom Brady.  And those QBs in that time were Jacoby Brissett, Jimmy Garoppolo and Matt Cassel.  None of them had any NFL experience as a starter prior to their first games with the Patriots. 

[MarkHB]

2 hours ago, mojoween said:

Also, the NFL has the worst rules for coaches, in that the former Niners coach got fined for wanting to wear a suit and Belichick is within league rules to wear a sweatshirt with sleeves that look like they were ripped off and wrinkly old khakis.  He looks ridiculous.

 

52 minutes ago, merylinkid said:

The 49ers coach was almost fined not for wanting to wear a suit but because Nike doesn't make suits and you have to wear Nike.   Belicheck is the master of following the rules, right up to the line.

So far as we know up here, Belichick thinks the "coaches have to wear the official apparel line" business is ridiculous (what would Tom Landry have said?), so he deliberately picked the worst thing in the catalog and then tore the sleeves off.

So far as the actual game goes, it warmed my heart to hear that the TD rush by Brissett was the longest by a Pats QB since Grogan in 1978.  And if Bledsoe was a rookie in 1993, that means that the Pats have gone 23 years with only two regular starting quarterbacks.  Damned if I could tell you who any of their QB's were between Grogan and Eason leaving and Bledsoe coming on board.

[ganesh]

Didn't Plunkett end his career with the Pats? Was that after Eason? I don't even know and I grew up in New England. 

[scriggle]

I looked it up. Plunkett started his career with the Pats (1971-1975), then the 49ers '76-'77, and last the Raiders '78-'86.

[Moose135]

3 hours ago, mojoween said:

I hate this.  Belichick was the Giants first and so I liked him then, I hate him now.

I don't mind him so much - every time the Giants play his team in the Super Bowl, they beat him.

[AimingforYoko]

Uncle, No Mas, I give up. I admit it, the Hoodie's a genius. Probably the second greatest coach in my (football) lifetime behind Bill Walsh.

[Fukui San]

Maybe Belichick will let Edelman QB the Pats against the Bills for funsies.

[NinjaPenguins]

The Patriots could play an orange traffic cone at QB and beat the Bills. 

Dear CBS, I don't need a cliched pre-game package about how football unites the disparate cultures of New England and Texas narrated by Dennis Quaid. Get over yourselves. 

[mojoween]

The pregame packages are apparently a permanent thing because we had one last week featuring the Namath and Kelly families.  I kinda like 'em.

The only solace I have is that the Pats played last night so after LeBatard today I don't have to hear about them for ten days.

[NinjaPenguins]

Oh, thanks for reminding me to turn that on, mojo!

I feel your pain about excessive coverage of one team, even though I love the Patriots and gobble up coverage like Pez. I find myself loathing the Chicago Cubs. The Cubs, for pete's sake! 

[stealinghome]

56 minutes ago, NinjaPenguins said:

The Patriots could play an orange traffic cone at QB and beat the Bills. 

Dear CBS, I don't need a cliched pre-game package about how football unites the disparate cultures of New England and Texas narrated by Dennis Quaid. Get over yourselves. 

Anyone who thinks the cultures of New England and Texas could be united by ANYTHING has never been to one or both places.

I can't lie, I am more nervous for the Bills than I was for the Texans last night. On paper the Texans are better, but they're mentally soft and they never bring their A game when playing the Pats. The Bills and Rex Ryan, otoh, usually manage to play the Pats tough even when on paper they should lose, and Rex always has a few wrinkles that dismay Belichick/the Pats. I'm just hoping that Buffalo is such a disaster by Week 4 that the players aren't focused, lol.

[BitterApple]

I'm from Boston and laughed my ass off when they did the puff piece about "united cultures". Um, yeah, sorry but Mass. and Texas might as well be on different planets.

I have to admit I'm feeling smug about the win. All week people were saying the Texans were going to thrash the Pats, and not only did it fail to happen, but they got humiliated on national TV by a third string rookie QB. Once the Patriots neutralized Watt, there was nobody on the defense who could hurt them. Clowney has failed to live up to the hype. The only bright spot for the Texans was Hopkins making some amazing catches. He's a talented guy.

[Fukui San]

Now it's just comical. Jacoby Brissette has a torn ligament in his thumb and will need surgery. 

[King of Birds]

1 minute ago, Fukui San said:

Now it's just comical. Jacoby Brissette has a torn ligament in his thumb and will need surgery. 

No Fucking Way!  Oh, they should just let Tom come back.

[Fukui San]

1 minute ago, King of Birds said:

No Fucking Way!  Oh, they should just let Tom come back.

Oh, come on. Where's the challenge in that? 

If the Pats sign a TJ Yates off the street and beat the Bills it would break football.

[King of Birds]

FAVRE coming back and beating the Bills.  Or, YA Tittle. That'll break the internet.

[BitterApple]

Who's next man up, Uncle Rico or Harambe's corpse?

This is so off the wall insane, you can't even make this shit up.

[Moose135]

I'll bet he who shall remain nameless must be kicking himself that he signed that minor league deal with the Mets when he did...

Edited September 23, 2016 by Moose135

[scriggle]

9 minutes ago, Fukui San said:

Now it's just comical. Jacoby Brissette has a torn ligament in his thumb and will need surgery. 

Fucking unbelievable! They'll have to sign someone now. Please don't let it be Tebow.

[merylinkid]

Belicheck is gonna go "eh, we got Edelman, let's go."   After all they got 10 days to get him ready.   They only had 4 with Brissett and look what happened.   

I swear the Pats are doing this just to mess with Goodell.

[Fukui San]

There are now conflicting reports saying it's not that bad. I don't know what to think.

I'm sure Belichick will hold a press conference to clear things right up.

[ganesh]

I don't know if they are winning to just mess with Goodell, since it's in their best interests to win. I do think there is an extra motivation factor there. The Pats typically can't play up the "us against the world", but last night's game was definitely easy for them to get into that thinking.

[MargeGunderson]

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry, this is so absurd.

[stealinghome]

I'd be surprised if Brissett misses the next game, tbh. If he finished last night's game, it can't be that bad. All he has to do is make it through one more week and then he can have surgery if necessary the next day (and really, all they need him to do is hand off to Blount, the way he's running, anyway). Jimmy G might also be back for the Bills game.

I do wonder if this changes the Pats' thinking on not bringing in a veteran off the street, though.

[Magog]

Is it wrong that I'm hoping that Josh Norman will fall flat on his face today & that the Washington Redskins will lose today, so that they will be 0-3 and we won't have to hear from Josh Norman for the rest of the season? 

[Ohwell]

1 hour ago, Magog said:

Is it wrong that I'm hoping that Josh Norman will fall flat on his face today & that the Washington Redskins will lose today, so that they will be 0-3 and we won't have to hear from Josh Norman for the rest of the season? 

I'm a Redskins fan, and even I want them to lose because I just can't stand Josh Norman.  I mean, it's not like we were going to the Superbowl anyway so being 0-3 really doesn't matter. 

[mojoween]

I'm surprised FOX sent the A team to New York but I suppose it's because they are hoping OBJ and Norman kill each other and want their best broadcast team on the case.  This way Joe can bring out his very best righteous indignation voice.

[stealinghome]

The Bills ate their Wheaties today, goodness. I wonder if the wheels are starting to come off in Arizona.

[mojoween]

Eli Manning makes me want to hurl.

McAdoo needs to do something about this godforsaken team's inability to hold onto the fucking football.