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NinjaPenguins

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  1. If Finn once did the deed with Poppy, you’d think things would be more awkward between them. He never had a weird reaction to her name being mentioned by Li or Luna. Plus, ew. What is the big hairy deal about Brooke and Ridge approving of Hope and Thomas? These people spend way too much time mulling over the sex lives of their family members. And did Hope say Thomas was great with the kids, like kids plural? Meaning Beth? That’s a non-starter for me. I don’t care how much work that suffocating asshole claims he’s done. I notice too that Mr. “No Pressure” is proposing again. He’s got no chill at all.
  2. I’ll get on board with them. If they’re on the Hindenburg or Titanic.
  3. I’d almost think Poppy and Zende were going to get together if he wasn’t so hung up on Luna. Their obsession with Luna not telling the truth is bizarre. Get a grip, you assholes. Speaking of assholes, Thomas keeps love bombing Hope and getting sweet fuck all in return. Buy a clue, buddy. Also, wtf with Ridge’s murderous children?
  4. Ridge: Bringing a lawyer with me will make Steffy look guilty. It’s much better to barge in alone and start flinging commands and decrees around like an imperious ogre. Finn, if you got your smile from Sheila, Steffy would have run screaming the other way the first time you met. Steffy is just surrounded by heroes, what with Liam fluffing her off for pizza and Finn fleeing the beach house when he heard sirens. Top notch fellows, right there. I hope Li excoriates her idiot son with the same zest she typically unloads on Poppy with. That birth mom shit is going to go over real well. I’ve learned many valuable lessons from B&B, especially this week. DNA takes precedence over silly little things like putting a bullet in your chest and then deliberately shooting your wife. Losing your shit and throwing away your marriage over an egg donor who ignored you until you married into the family she’s obsessed with is totally a thing that makes sense. Lessons like that. Very enlightening.
  5. I… I just can’t. I’m sorry. I loathe Summer and pretty much everything she does annoys me, but her parenting Harrison bothers me not at all. I can’t even explain it. We never see Harrison, so wolves could be raising him for all I care. I’m still hoping he belongs to oily Theo.
  6. Nothing beats writing a Dear Buttbiscuit column that magically disappears into the ether. If only Josh Griffith’s scripts would wink out of existence as mysteriously. I guarantee that I put more in effort, and that’s not bragging. It’s a comment on how dumb and lazy JG’s writing is. Nick’s post-wipe Charmin squares have more coherence. I will say, though, that Devon’s icy contempt for Billy is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Why dafuq should Devon cc the new, zero-experience guy on all his executive decisions? Maybe he should pass along all high level corporate directives to the mailroom for approval too. Imagine the sheer relief of CW employees when they realize Flat Ass won’t be blowing out his sinuses with a Neti pot in the break room for a few days. Then our amazing Buttbiscuit, having secured Adam’s grudging approval to join them, doesn’t comprehend that it’s a perfect time to pipe down. I know it’s difficult for Billy to remove his capacious nostrils from where they don’t belong, as their size makes them well nigh omnipresent. Still, shut your word dispenser. Adam also needs to chill and stop acting like OCD is so horrifying and shameful that he’ll doctor shop until he finds some asshole willing to tell him what he wants to hear. He sounded a lot like Victor, and I was just waiting for him to ask if Connor would have to go to the loony bin. Personally, I wouldn’t mind if Chelz, Adam and Buttbiscuit all rode together and had wacky adventures culminating in Billy left at a rest stop with the address to the Abbott mansion written in Sharpie on his forehead. Another lesser light of the Abbott family, Kyle, wasted Mariah’s time with his self-absorbed whining. What a tool. Oh noes, he’s so devoted to the art of humility that he’s sacrificed his own ambitions and happiness! He acknowledged being an ass, but I’m not entirely sure he comprehends what a knob he is. Mariah’s advice to take a look in the mirror for the source of the problem would be well taken by someone not already glued to a mirror as he sculpted his hair into a tsunami topiary. I must politely disagree with some of my fellow posters - do NOT free Tara. The less I have to think about Kyle’s MILF hunting back east and the dull sludge that was the Locke storylines, the better. Speaking of sludge, Victor seems worse than ever with the unvarnished arrogance and need to control his family. He could not understand why Victoria would have misgivings about letting him use Claire as bait and seemed to take it personally. Even Victoria reluctantly agreeing to his plan wasn’t good enough; that she had worries and conditions was intolerable to him. She couldn’t possibly genuinely care for Claire. No, her doubts had to stem from being pissy about the CEO position. Victor’s behavior is not heroic, show. It’s abusive malignant narcissism. And don’t tell me a mighty billionaire could not easily set up an adequate security force anywhere he wished. Are we to believe that Victoria isn’t wealthy enough to hire her own small mercenary army? Such a lame excuse for Victor to keep Victoria and Claire directly under his control.
  7. Am I the only coldhearted asshole who laughed until I almost cried at Finn melodramatically placing his hand in the blood, slowly lifting it and then drearily declaring “My mom’s blood is on my hands… and yours, Steffy.” I know I’m absolutely hyped to hear Finn reply to every question or end every conversation with “you killed my mother.” from now until the show is canceled. Fucking knob. I hate it when they do this with Finn. Yes, Sheila gave you temporary housing for nine months. She also shot you and your wife point blank and nearly took you away from your kids. Oh, and she almost killed the woman who raised you, the woman you called your mother all your life. Don’t act brand new. All that being said, Ridge is so uncouth. Don’t be the more annoying character in scenes with Thomas, yo.
  8. Imagine the weeks, nay! Imagine the months of Sheila repeating the same threats, justifications and monologues while Liam stands around with that dopey expression on his face. Bell could stretch this out for at least a year by padding episodes with flashbacks!
  9. We saw one of Thomas’ therapy session, and his mother sat in on it. Other than that, we only have him, Steffy, Taylor, Ridge and now Hope stating he’s changed. That doesn’t cut any ice with me as a viewer, but I certainly don’t begrudge anyone their enjoyment of Thomas as a character. Maybe Deacon gets hurt trying to intervene and the lightbulb finally goes on.
  10. I did wonder if Hope could hear herself talk about pathological assholes while she was putting her hands all over the evil string bean. I can’t even look at the screen when Hope and Thomas are on manhandling each other, they repulse me so much. Listening to Thomas simper and gush and basically love bomb Hope makes my skin crawl. If somehow Liam shows up and saves Steffy from Sheila, I will take a loooong ass break from this show. I don’t want to find out how much more insufferable he can be.
  11. No, no. The show made sure to tell us today that Tucker is the narcissist. Victor is a loving gwampa ready to welcome Claire into the family until she no longer serves a purpose.
  12. One of my frequent complaints about Bold & Beautiful is that it seems to be written by aliens who have observed humans for maybe a day and are awkwardly trying to imitate them. Or to be blunt, none of these scriptwriting motherfuckers have the slightest acquaintance with human nature. Characters do and say shit that no actual person, in any circumstance, would ever do or say. I think Josh Griffith must be writing from the same isolated cave Brad Bell is living in. People know what OCD is, okay? Maybe if you’ve been cut off from common knowledge, popular culture and any medical information, you wouldn’t. Even if you don’t know the in-depth details, most people have a basic idea of what it is and that it’s actually not as bad as being diagnosed with ebola. As Skarzero points out, Connor isn’t even onscreen! We’re not seeing any of the OCD behaviors; it’s all tell and no show. Meanwhile, Adam and Chelsea act like he’s been stricken with some rare, exotic malady that Sharon needs to explain. Then you have Victor curing his wife’s addiction by holding her prisoner in her home and paying Lauren to be her warden. Oddly enough, being essentially grounded like a naughty teenager makes Nikki want to drink more. Who knew? I sure hope we have several more weeks of watching her pace the floor and stare at where the liquor used to be kept. What the fuck is even happening with Seth and Jordan? Seth has devolved into a hot mess after appearing out of nowhere as Nikki’s sponsor. Sitting in a dive bar under a stupid wig and messing with an addict’s head does not a compelling villain make. Seth and Jordan talking about Nikki’s friendship like it can heal the sick is bizarre, even though Jordan is only doing it to manipulate. Their conversations are weird and desperate and off-putting. I wish someone would give Nick a laxative. That uptight, self-righteous prig pontificating on Adam’s dark side is to laugh. Adam pursued Sally throughout your nasty sexcapades? Reflect upon why you ever got together with her in the first place, idiot. Nick’s sulky, douchebro, moralizing, clenched jaw phase is not his best. Chloe may be right about not working for Newman, but I just don’t want to hear it from her. Is that so wrong?
  13. Liam, shut your fucking caveman blowhole. I don’t remember Steffy asking you for a goddamned thing, including that laughable white knight routine of yours. Bill, shut your chompers too. You’re proud of Liam? Proud of a pathetic, obsessed douche who moons over his ex with a dumb expression on his face and flaps his gums non-stop about protecting her, as if that’s any more useful than a fart in a mitten? I guess Bill has extremely low standards for taking pride in his kids. Hey, Liam, you have another daughter that could be spending time with a psychopath; maybe spare a thought in that direction. I’m not too proud to beg: please, show. Please stop with the Liam/Steffy flashbacks. They were repulsive enough the first time.
  14. I saw Stiff-Legged Power Butt Strut open for the Kinks in Copenhagen. Great show. Perhaps it was her marriage to fake ass Chancellor son, the Aussie vampire and original bleached skeever, Cane.
  15. At first, I was kind of bitter getting stuck with another day of work and missing my soaps. I can’t do the job out of a cafe or jazz lounge, and I am sure as hell not in the mood to watch after a day among the local buttbiscuits (nostril sizes vary). I can’t begin to tell you how grateful I am that I was able to see Chelz jump on that bleached numbskull on cliffhanger Friday. I can’t tell you because I’m not. WTF, show? Victor’s attitude sucks just like his security sucks. Why are we still pretending the Newmans employee a badass team of bodyguards when their security gets pantsed every single time? Stop it already. When I think high stakes corporate intrigue, I definitely imagine an internal fight over the company name. My bitterness is somewhat eased. Now if only I wasn’t working with a Diet Phyllis, everything would be rainbows and lollipops.
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