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Favorite Quotes: "What the hell goes on at night in this house?!"

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Dorothy: "You know ma, it'd be really nice if you were a little supportive."

Sophia: "Please, I've always been supportive. Didn't I support you when you wanted to run away to Canada to escape the draft?"

Dorothy: "Ma, that wasn't me, that was my brother Phil."

Sophia: "Oh right, I got confused, he was wearing your dress. Okay how about when you were unmarried and pregnant?"

Dorothy: "Ah yes, I remember your exact words - get out of my house, you are dead to me, I have no daughter named Dorothy."

Sophia: "Sure, in that tone of voice it sounds bad. How about now, didn't I come to live with you in your twilight years?"

Dorothy: "Ma, these are your twilight years."

Sophia: "Are you kidding, I should be dead, these are your twilight years."

Edited by truthaboutluv
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"You know, Reverend, it's always puzzled me...why didn't Mary and Joseph call ahead for hotel reservations?" *Dorothy throws down ladle*


I'm convinced that's the single dumbest thing Rose said over the course of the entire series.

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I'm not sure about that, @Blakeston. In the episode where Rebecca gets artificially inseminated (ewwwwwwwwwww.....) Rose starts to tell this story about a woman from St. Olaf whose husband went away to fight in a war, and she got pregnant while he was gone. "Everyone said she was fooling around, but she told me that his sperm must have swum across the ocean, and somehow ended up in St. Olaf." Blanche, who's sitting next to her, says,"And what did you think, Rose?" in this voice that says that no matter what Rose says she'll believe it because it couldn't be any more ridiculous than anything else she's ever said.

Edited by Cobalt Stargazer
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Two of my favorite moments:


From the episode when Dorothy finds out Sophia has been hoarding money and threatens to cut her off - 


Sophia: "You can't do that Dorothy. That money is for my old age."


Dorothy: "Old age. You don't even leave fingerprints anymore."


My sister actually used that one on an older guy at her office who was teasing her on her birthday when she turned 30. I cracked up when she told me the story.


Other favorite is from the pregnant Mary episode which I know is not a lot of people's favorite but it did give us Merill and Blanche and this exchange:


Dorothy: "Ma what does Fred's dog have to do with this?"


Sophia: "Because it's a known fact that animals take after the traits of their master."


Dorothy: "Oh come on Ma, that's a myth."


Sophia: "Oh yea, then why does your brother Phil's dog like to run around on it's hind legs wearing a pink tutu?"


Dorothy: "Oh come on Ma, Phil would look pretty stupid doing that himself."

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Blanche: It's just two little words, but they are the hardest two little words in all the whole world for me to say.

Rose: Not tonight.


Rose: Tell her Clayton.

Clayton: I will Rose.

Blanche: Tell me what?

Clayton: Well, I ran into Rose at the park...and uh

Blanche: And?

Clayton: And we had a long talk, and uh..

Blanche: And?

Clayton: And...we slept together tonight.

Rose's face was the best facial expression she gave throughout the whole series. The look of absolute horror on her face.


Blanche: Dorothy, guess what I have under my robe?

Dorothy: That guy from the circus?

Blanche: No Dorothy, my new swimsuit. I'm wearing it to entice the muscular young men who are coming over to install my hot tub. Would you like to see it?

Dorothy: Is it a two piece?

Blanche: Yes.

Dorothy: No.


Dorothy: Oh Rose, how can I look at that face and lie...it's mine.


Blanche: I don't know what to expect of myself with this thing in me. I just keep remembering how you're not suppose to overload electrical outlets.

Rose: Maybe you shouldn't make love when you're wet.


Blanche: That child over there is trying to steal my daddy. She ain't nothing but a tick on a slow moving hound dog.


Sophia: Your such a good daughter, take a lesson pussycat.

Nurse Defarge: Your pussycat too?

Dorothy: No I'm pussycat one, you are pussycat two.


Nurse Defarge: Ah good morning ladies.

Rose: Not for your nursey-nurse-nurse-nurse.


Rose: And you call yourself a teacher. It's people like you that are responsible for all the evil going on on this planet.

Dorothy: I guess I had that coming.


Blanche: Alright Dorothy, fire her.

Dorothy: Why should I fire her?

Blanche: You're the meanest.

Rose: That's not true Blanche. Dorothy just looks the meanest. We hired Marguerite together, we fire her together.

Dorothy: Thank you Rose and by the way you look the dumbest.


Dorothy: What would you say about me?

Blanche: Oh Dorothy come on.

Dorothy: I told you, you could tell me.

Blanche: Oh alright. I would say, I always felt safe, having you in the house. And I would say I always enjoyed talking to you whenever I came home from one of my numerous dates. And I would say I always looked up to you, like an older sister.

Dorothy: Thank you Blanche. Oh and I forgot one thing, I would also say you're fat.


Sophia is continuously coughing

Rose: Dorothy should I get Sophia a glass of water?

Dorothy: No Rose, you should sit there and watch her hack herself to death.

Rose: Are you sure?

Dorothy: Get the water!


Dorothy orders Rose to get out of the kitchen and Rose accidentally hits Sophia in the nose.

Sophia: Oh my nose.

Rose: Oh Sophia, I'm sorry.

Sophia: Great I always wanted to have a nose like Joe Frasier. 

Dorothy: Ma, how long were you listening at the door?

Sophia: I wasn't listening at the door.

Dorothy: Yea, then why was your face pressed against the crack?

Rose: That's what the crow said.

Dorothy: GET OUT!!!


Dorothy: If I'm not mistaken, all the waiters were whistling at me.

Blanche: Maybe they never saw anyone eat a steak that fast.


Dorothy, Sophia, and Rose are sitting at the table and Blanche comes in the doorway behind Rose.

Blanche: I'm nothing but a cheap, tawdry, slut.

Rose: Don't tell me, is it Blanche?

The audience laughing and Dorothy's expression is what made it so funny.


Rose has a towel over her face and Blanche is ready to show Rose how "Blanche's beauty treatment" is gonna make her feel like a new woman. Dorothy comes in the kitchen and stands behind Rose. Rose takes the towel off and Blanche holds up a mirror.

Rose: Oh my god, I look horrible! Oh Dorothy it's you.


Rose: Blanche, call the police, I just saw a big ugly man with a limp walk by my bedroom window. He was wearing Dorothy's coat...[realizing it's Dorothy]...and it was dark outside and I tend to over dramatize.


Blanche: You too?!

Dorothy: He asked me last Thursday.

Blanche: Well I am stunned.

Rose: I'm relieved.

Blanche: Relieved?

Rose: Yea, the woman you saw in those horrible drawings must have been Dorothy. 

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This line from Rose in "What a Difference a Date Makes" is one of the lines from this show that makes me laugh just in anticipation.


Rose (to Dorothy): You said you were gonna make him suffer. Don't you have to date a man to do that?


Cracks me up. Every. Time.

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Rose: Why does it say that the explosion was so great that it shattered windows in the building next door?

Dorothy: Rose, that's about an earthquake in Guatemala!


Girl Scout: You said we get to pee in the woods!

Blanche: Get away from that couch.


Rose: You flirted with him.

Blanche: I'm from the south. Flirting is part of my heritage.

Rose: What do you mean?

Dorothy: Her mother was a slut too.


Blanche: I felt like I was when I was a virgin.

Sophia: Oh you mean the feeling isn't gonna last long.

Blanche: Are you implying that I lost my virginity at an early age?

Sophia: I'm just saying you're thankful Jack & Jill Magazine didn't have a gossip column.

Dorothy: Ma!

Sophia: Please Dorothy, I'm on a roll here.

Blanche: I'm sorry Sophia, but I'm not gonna let your skepticism ruin my entire evening. Mel and I were meant to be together.

Sophia: I wish I could say the same for your thighs. Gosh I'm hot tonight.

Blanche: I'm not gonna stand for this.

Sophia: Take it Dorothy.

Dorothy: But I'll bet ya you'll lay down for it.

Sophia: Well that was just plain rude.

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Blanche: Just as thick as Louisiana blackstrap molasses on a stack of johnny cakes as high as en elephant's knees...

Dortothy: On a riverboat floating down the Mississippi delta, finish the damn story Blanche!


Blanche: You know, growing up in the south..

Dorothy: Oh God, here it comes! Honeysuckle, mint juleps, three legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd and the barber shop.

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Blanche: Just as thick as Louisiana blackstrap molasses on a stack of johnny cakes as high as en elephant's knees...

Dortothy: On a riverboat floating down the Mississippi delta, finish the damn story Blanche!


Blanche: You know, growing up in the south..

Dorothy: Oh God, here it comes! Honeysuckle, mint juleps, three legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd and the barber shop.

"Why is everyone suddenly talking like Burl Ives?"

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Blanche, Rose, Dorothy: A. Yes A, definitely. 

Sophia: You can't pick men and you can't pick pizza!


Blanche: He put his big masculine arms, around my tiny little waist. 

Dorothy: I don't believe you.

Blanche: What?

Dorothy: I don't believe he put his big masculine arms around your alleged tiny little waist.


Blanche: Well to hell with you and your oversexed boyfriend Dorothy Zbornak! I'm just glad that little Mei Ling's coming out party was ruined!

Dorothy: Who?

Blanche: And, I'm glad Elliott is bonging every woman at your country club!

Dorothy: What the hell are you talking about?

Blanche: Ask the towel lady!


Dorothy: You know until I met you Rose, I didn't know that people actually talked back to their Rice Krispies. 


Blanche: So you ever think about getting a face lift? For your...how do I say this delicately...turkey waddle or what?


Blanche: My backside is spread all across the front page! How could they do that?

Sophia: They probably used a wide angled lens.


Rose: You know Blanche at a truck stop in Tuscaloosa, there's an egg dish named after you.

Blanche: Really? How are they prepared?

Sophia: Over easy.

Edited by ShadowSixx
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"Charlie and I waited two whole years before we got married."


"I was married almost before my father finished the sentence."


"You married your father?!"


Don't ever change, Rose.


Dorothy (to Blanche): How long did you wait until after George died?

Sophia: Until the paramedics came!

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Blanche: "The last time I was audited I even got money back from the government."

Sophia:  "Blanche, it's not a refund when the auditor leaves two twenties on your nightstand."


Rose:  "He makes me feel foolish.  I don't even feel comfortable telling him St. Olaf stories."

Dorothy:  "I want to know exactly what he said to make you feel that way."


Rose:  "Ned was sort of the town idiot."

Sophia:  "When, on your days off?"

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From The Bloom Is Off the Rose


Early in the episode when Rose is talking about going skydiving

Miles: Rose, couldn't I just run towards you yelling "Moo"?


End of the episode

Rose: You don't realize how much you care for a man until you see him streaking through the sky grabbing for a bird...

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"Well, you know I want to spend time with Oreo....."

"Aurora, Mama, Aurora."

"Aurora I don't know why you didn't name her something more musical, more Southern."

"Sorry, Blanche."

Love the way she says Blanche. Lol I was thinking about this the other day, that Oreo would be about 28 now. Lol

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Rose: Thankfully he knew some knock knock jokes and that seemed to do the trick.

Dorothy: Knock knock.

Rose: Who's there?

Dorothy: Oh shut up Rose!


Tommy: Cindy Lou Peoples?

Dorothy: Tommy Lunt?

Tommy & Dorothy: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!


Blanche: I can't believe anyone wants to become a nun. I mean nun, the word says it.

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Speaking of Johnny Cash...

Dorothy and Sophia come in all dressed in black.... Rose: "Did you come from a funeral?" Dorothy: "No. We were singing backup for Johnny Cash."

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Dorothy: You were quite the little porker back then, weren't you?

Blanche: I was a little chunky, that's all.

Dorothy: Blanche, the horse's eyes are crossed. You were fat!

Blanche: Every little girl goes through that ugly stage.

Dorothy: Ugly yes, but you were ugly and fat.

Blanche: All right! You seem to be getting a little bit too much pleasure out of all this.

Dorothy: I'm sorry, Blanche. It's just that you've always described yourself as being a great beauty, and it's interesting to see that you were..

Blanche: Plump.

Dorothy: Fat.

Blanche: Enough.

Dorothy: I'm sorry...fat fat water rat, 50 bullets in your hat.


Rose: Can I ask a dumb question?

Dorothy: Better than anyone I know.

Rose: What color is black people's dandruff?

Dorothy: Rose, black people don't have dandruff. God figures they've been through enough already.


Dorothy: No Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of coke.


Dorothy: I'm sorry Rose, I left my flame thrower in my other purse.


Dorothy: Rose, can you excuse us?

Rose: Sure, where you going?

Dorothy: No where, get out!


Rose: Did I ever tell you about my cousin, Adolph Frickin?

Dorothy: Rose please, I don't wanna hear about your frickin' cousin.

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Dorothy: Girls who will take their money. Do you know what he thinks we are?!

Rose: Waitresses!!


Rose: It's always a man with you, isn't it Blanche? Men and sex, sex and men!

Hooker: Hey! There's nothing wrong with being career-oriented!


Dorothy: Me and my girls are totally innocent.

Hookers: I'm innocent too. We're all innocent.

Blanche: Quiet you trash.


Blanche: Yeah well I heard you've been sleeping with the Japanese guy that blows the leaves out of your driveway!

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Rose to Dorothy: Well, who's the dummy now?

Dorothy to Rose: You're still the reigning champ.


Sophia: Jean likes girls instead of boys, some people prefer cats instead of dogs.  Me, I'd rather live with a lesbian than a cat.  Unless the lesbian sheds, that I don't know.

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The best line Rue ever uttered wasn't on the Golden Girls, it was on Maude.  Maude and Vivian thought Aunt
Tinkie died in a plane crash and Vivian says "Why don't we all hold hands and sing "Feelings"?"  The look on her face was priceless and it's a line I still use.

Damn, I miss those women!

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Shady pines, ma!!

Rose to Dorothy when they are reading about an earthquake in the episode where they accuse Blanche of having the affair with Gil Kessler...

"Then why does it say the explosion was so loud it broke the windows in the building next door?

Rose, that's not about Blanche, it's about an earthquake in Guatemala!!! "

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but cement pays homage to tradition- Sophia

From the episode where blanches convict friend Meryl comes to visit and Blanche, rose and Mary come back from shopping and Blanche goes over to see him and Dorothy tells her it's Meryl and at first she tries to seduce him, but the she goes

MERYL!!! No there's no telling when Blanche will be back, it could be hours, weeks, days... And then they talk about her, Meryl leaves, and Blanche has just got done saying how gorgeous she is and she adds...

And stupid. Stupid. Stupid stupid....

More random quotes:

Uh Blanche, lover boy is here!!

Ah mr.gordon...Dorothy used to have a huge embarrassing crush on him...

I have a date to play... With a man? Uh no Blanche, a Venus fly trap

She's mopey, dopey and full of crap, roses sister!

She'll get over it, and if she doesn't, who cares? Were going to see mr.burt reynolds!!!

Ah, the must be the motto of the saint Olaf telephone company- uniting 2 idiots at a time!

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And stupid. Stupid. Stupid stupid....


It's all in the delivery on that one.


They all - but Rue and Bea, especially - were so adept at elevating sharp writing to the next level, making this a highly quotable show.

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