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Favorite Quotes: "What the hell goes on at night in this house?!"

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Rose:  My mother always used to say 'the older you get, the better you get--unless you're a banana'.


Blanche:  'She was listening to her car radio, Big Band, not all talk.  There was a contest. Something about a little voice, a lucky number and a dime in a door handle.  Then, Bim Bam Boosh, won the tickets!'

Dorothy: 'Take a lesson, Rose.  That's how you tell a story'.

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Blanche: "My whole life is an open book."


Sophia: "Your whole life is an open blouse."


This made me think of this:


Blanche: "I treat my body like a temple."

Sophia: "Yeah, open to everyone, day or night."

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Blanche:  'I'll give you anything.  I'll give you one of my sons.'

Dorothy:  'Blanche...'

Blanche: 'I've given this a lot of thought.  I've had 4 kids. I've never had a Mercedes.  So, which one do you want?  Biff, Doug, Skippy?  No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma'.


Sophia:  'My hiney's asleep'.

Dorothy:  'Fine, we'll keep our voices down'.

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Rose:  I'm making Kirstin's favorite "maple syrup honey brown sugar molasses rice krispies log"  - The recipe calls for flour but I think that makes it too heavy.

Dorothy:  "Rose, let me ask you, do any of your kids still have their own teeth?"

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Rose (when asked what she was making for breakfast): Chocolate chip pancakes. Made with brown sugar, honey, whipped cream and maple syrup.

Sophia: Rose, if God had meant man to eat like that, he would've handed him his teeth in a baggie!

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Dorothy:  I'd kill Gloria if she wrote a book about my sexual life.

Sophia:  You'd kill your sister over a pamphlet?


Blanche:  Tell me something, girls.  Am I competent in what I do?

Rose:  Based on the sounds from your bedroom, I'd say you're damn near spectacular.

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Dorothy: "Rose, you are feeling sorry for yourself. Sure, you're five years older. So am I, so is Blanche. You have a few more wrinkles. So do I, so does Blanche. Sure, you're a little thicker around the middle. So is Blanche!"


The way Rue keeps ramping up the annoyance in Blanche's expression is awesome. I love the ep Job Hunting.

Edited by Cobalt Stargazer
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Blanche: “What will I wear? I don’t have a thing that doesn’t call attention to my bosom!”

Sophia: “Try not wearing make-up.”


Sophia: “In the old days, we didn’t need psychiatrists. You had a problem, you fought, you drank, you got a little on the side…you dealt with it!”


Sophia: “This morning I forgot my cat’s been dead for 20 years; which makes me wonder, who’s using the kitty litter?”


Sophia (on weight loss): “I prefer the Italian diet. You drink a bottle of wine, make a smart remark, then get your jaw wired!”


Rose (to Blanche): “I forgive you for being a moral-less, emotionally-needy man-leach with an airbag in her headboard!”


Dorothy (after she and Sophia insult each other in public): “We’re from before bonding and quality time.”

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Posted this in the least favorite/worse episode thread and thought it was appropriate here. I always crack up at this exchange from The Commitments episode when Dorothy got involved with the guy in the Beatlemania show:

Dorothy: "I'm stunned…I'm just stunned. What can you say about a show by an ex-fake Beatle that began with "I've Gotta Be Me" and ended with "Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting. What the hell was that man doing up there?"

Rose: "Was it that bad?"

Dorothy: "Had it been a fight they would have stopped it."

Rose: "Did he do any of his own material?"

Dorothy: "Oh yes…A Tribute to Dorothy. Dot…dot, what a girl I got. The last words I heard as I sprinted to my car was "when we shower together we don't have to turn on hot."

Edited by truthaboutluv
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"His klingenschpritzer's showing!"

Big Daddy Hollingsworth: Do my eyes deceive me or do I see Sophia Petrillo standing here before me? Or did y'all get Sophia Loren as your new roommate?

Sophia: Get out the boots -- he's back!

Blanche: Roger! Edgar! Burt! Leonard! Well, what are they all doin' here?

Rose: I invited everyone in your address book.

Blanche: The little red one by my nightstand?

Rose: No, the the little black one by your hot body-oil dispenser.

"Blanche, I could get herpes listening to this story! At what point in the evening did you finally meet George?"

Rose: The Men of Blanche's Boudoir...

Blanche: It's a calendar. Each month has the picture of a man who's brought some special joy into my life.

Dorpthy: Oh Blanche...oh honey, this is so thoughtful....woooooo!

Blanche: September?

Dorothy: Yep!

Sophia: I'm surprised you were able to walk in October!

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Every so often, I visit this forum to enjoy some good chuckles. What a great show this was.


What I thought of just now as I read some of these posts was that in most cases, you don't even have to identify the speaker. There's a game to be created based on the lines and who made them.

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Blanche: "I have great news...my mother-in-law died."


Dorothy: "I take it the period of mourning is over."


Blanche: "I loathed Mama Devereaux and she felt the same about me. 'Til the day George died, she always introduced me as his first wife. I just hope the ol' witch went slowly."


The way Blanche says slowly always cracks me up. I also love how after she says this and says she forgot to share her really good news, Dorothy goes, "better than the dead mother-in-law?"

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I quote this one a lot from Sophia: "Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked."


and because I'm thinking of Sophia, this randomly just popped in my head: "Silly Rabbi, tricks are for kids."

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"Right, elephant dolls. Until finally one night they got so sick and tired of Rose annoying them that they went off to sleep someplace else, and two big ol’ escaped convicts snuck in through the window and MURDERED ROSE IN HER SLEEP!!!"

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"As it turns out, it wasn't such a bad idea after all. The stuff tasted great, so Salvatore decided to market it. At first it didn't do so well. Linguine with ear salve on a menu doesn't sound too appetizing. But once he changed the name to pesto sauce, it moved like hotcakes."

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Rose: Who was known as the world's fastest human being?

Sophia: Dominic Tanzi.

Rose: It says Jesse Owens.

Sophia: Trust me, it was Dominic Tanzi. He got four women pregnant in one night. Two in New York, two in New Jersey.

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As she is dumping out Dorothy's watch she just pounded to bits with a hammer- Sophia: "This watch is broken!" 


Don't know why, but I love her delivery on that line. 

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Blanche: I just need some cucumbers to put on my eyes.

Dorothy: You'll have trouble seeing, Blanche.

Blanche: It's very good. It reduces puffiness.

Rose: Does it work on thighs?

Blanche: I don't know, honey. I don't need it on my thighs.

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