Favorite Quotes: "What the hell goes on at night in this house?!"

[Charlie Baker]

"Lesbian? Lesbian. LESBIAN!"

[OSM Mom]

"Isn't that where one woman and another....."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"We know what it is, Blanche!"

[ATWTer76]

"A man has so much more to offer, Dorothy, ya know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I found that out in the third grade when Mark Perper was running for class president."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"Well, his campaign slogan was 'Vote for me and I'll show you my wee-wee.' He won by a landslide!"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Salvatore, if you wanna fool around, take off your T shirt. You're gonna get linguine all over me!"

[ATWTer76]

"Ma, it's just me, Dorothy."

"Get the hell out of my bed!"

[Melgaypet]

"I've got three days to live."

 

"Fine, Ma. I'll scratch the Ben-Gay off the grocery list."

[OSM Mom]

"I'm as jumpy as a virgin at a prison rodeo.."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Blanche, please! I am in no mood to hear about the endless parade of sexual encounters you have had up and down the Florida coastline, with nothing but this towel between your hot flesh and the cold, wet sand!"

[OSM Mom]

"I brought my son Skippy home from the hospital in this towel, Dorothy."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"You're lying, Blanche."

 

"Damn, you're good."

[OSM Mom]

"For God's sake, Rose! Eisenhower used less chalk planning D-day!!"

[ATWTer76]

"I walk into the living room and there's a toilet in front of the television set. It's an old lady's dream come true!"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"It's so hot outside the old lady next door is running through the sprinkler in her underwear."

 

"There's no old lady next door...Maaaaa!"

[Blakeston]

"Blanche, please! I am in no mood to hear about the endless parade of sexual encounters you have had up and down the Florida coastline, with nothing but this towel between your hot flesh and the cold, wet sand!"

 

This reminds me of:

 

Dorothy: "Okay, Blanche, but remember, I’m very vulnerable now, and in no mood to hear a story about you and some yahoo cracker with four first names pawing at each other under a magnolia tree!"

 

Blanche: "Well, sorry, Dorothy. We can’t all come from places as socially acceptable as Brooklyn."

Edited June 28, 2014 by Blakeston

[Cobalt Stargazer]

It's the way she sneers the word 'Brooklyn' that sells it.

[ATWTer76]

Loved the way Rue/Blanche delivered her lines. Especially when Blanche got all hot and bothered over something.

Rose: Oh, there's nothing like Christmas in Minnesota.

Dorothy: Unless it's Christmas in New York. A light snow falling over Fifth Avenue...ice skaters at Rockefeller Center...Santas on every street corner...

Blanche w/eyes bugging out: Really?

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Mrs. Devereaux, please. Do you want it fast or do you want it good?"

 

"Before you answer, Blanche, remember...he's talking about a guest room."

[Charlie Baker]

"You're wasting your time, Stanley.  I'm familiar with the big gun."

 

LATER:

 

"How did this start? Cole Porter?"

 

"Gershwin."

 

"Thank God I got here in time."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

 

"You're wasting your time, Stanley.  I'm familiar with the big gun."

*Stanley is giggling*

 

"Stanley, if you're doing what I think you're doing, you're in big trouble."

[Bastet]

"You're not getting into this bed."

"Then where am I supposed to sleep?"

"On the floor, like any dog."

[OSM Mom]

"Hey, Stan Zbornack doesn't have to beg women to get into bed with him. Women come to me!"

Dorothy:"Right after they get the approval number of your Mastercard."

Edited June 28, 2014 by OSM Mom

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"I don't look right in American clothes. I have a more European body."

 

"Oh, do they all have big butts in Europe to?"

[Blakeston]

Dorothy: "I don't think I ever heard anyone called Mammy before."
Rose: "What about Mrs. Eisenhower?"
Dorothy: "Mammy Eisenhower...I think only the Nixon kids got to call her that."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

*much later, after the moment has long passed*

 

"Oh, wait...it's *Mamie*!"

 

"Just under the buzzer, Rose."

[Melgaypet]

"Officers, shoot these people!"

 

"Sorry, lady. We can only shoot looters."

 

"I understand. Stanley, pick up the television on your way out."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"A plane isn't that thin or that bright!"

 

"Neither is Oprah Winfrey, that doesn't make her a UFO."

[ATWTer76]

Oh, Rose Nylund, I cain't wait to whup your butt!

Blanche: Now I know why Hemingway killed himself. Oh girls, I have writer's block – it's the worst feeling in the world!

Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.

Blanche: You just sit there, hour after hour after hour...

Sophia: Tell me about it.

Edited June 29, 2014 by ATWTer76

[truthaboutluv]

Blanche: "Why do you know what horrible thing the people from my neck of the woods did one day when I was a young'un?"

 

Dorothy: "You mean beside use words like "neck of the woods" and "young'un"?

Edited June 29, 2014 by truthaboutluv

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"God, here it comes! The honeysuckle, mint juleps, three-legged dogs, you and Opie and Floyd at the barbershop..."

[OSM Mom]

"Don't you ever get a nosebleed from always taking the high road?"

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Dorothy, you're making a fool out of yourself. Mr. Ha Ha's lookin' at you!"

[ATWTer76]

"Don't prolong this, Ha Ha. I know what car you drive."

[Melgaypet]

"Afternoon, Dorothy. My, don't you look lovely today."

 

"Why, thank you. Oh, and don't you look beautiful, vivacious, exquisite, and, uh...let's see...breathtaking?"

 

"Dorothy, at some point I'm going to have to start questioning your sincerity. When we get to that point, I'll let you know."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

“Well, sometimes you get yourself a really good looking salesman and you try to pretend you don’t notice his hands caressing your calf as he tries to keep his mind on shoes but all the time he’s thinking ‘Dare I peek?  Dare I look more?  Dare I look where no eyes have looked before?’ Then as he kneels there before you, little beads of perspiration breaking out on his forehead, his breath coming shorter and quicker he ever so gently slips the supple leather . . . on your quivering foot . . . and you achieve a perfect fit.  COME ON OLD WOMAN, WE NEED SHOES NOW!!!”

Edited June 30, 2014 by Cobalt Stargazer

[BMGepinniw]

My God.  You're Mr. Burt Reynolds.

I sure hope so.  If not, I've got the wrong underwear on.

Edited July 1, 2014 by BMGepinniw

[MrMattyMatt]

Dorothy and Sophia playing Scrabble:

 

Dorothy:  Ma, that's not a word!  Use it in a sentence...

Sophia:  You're no good at disdamn game.

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Clayton and Blanche aren't getting married, you airhead! Clayton and *Doug* are!"

 

"Oh. OH. Oh?"

[OSM Mom]

Blanche on maybe marrying her brother in law, Jamie: "I wouldn't be surprised if Mrs Blanche Devereux became Mrs Blanche Devereux."

[wanderingstar]

Dorothy: Wooooooooo!

 

 

I always did love the way Bea said this.

 

One of my all-time favorite quotes from this show:

 

"Rose, it doesn't matter what you do, you're never gonna please your parents. They're just gonna nag you and nag you and nag you until you wanna choke them, but you don't because you're in a hospital with resuscitating equipment!"

[Bastet]

Reference to Bea's wonderful way of saying things and a quote containing "it doesn't matter" took me immediately to this:

 

"And, he's still interested."

"In what?"

"Rose, if you have to ask, it does not matter anymore."

[ATWTer76]

Dorothy: I'm so glad my date with Barry is tomorrow. The fat won't have time to show. It always takes a few days.

Rose: Where does it go in the meantime?

Dorothy: To Connecticut! How should I know where it goes?

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Dorothy: Rose, I am not in denial.

 

Rose: Yes, you are. You're just denying you're in denial.

 

Dorothy: Rose, honey, I am not denying I'm in denial.

 

Rose: If you're not denying you're in denial, then you're in denial.

 

Dorothy: Look, fluffhead. Why should I deny being in denial? I never said I was in denial, YOU are the one who said I was in denial, and don't you deny it.
 

[ATWTer76]

Black?! Benjamin wasn't black! He was from New Jersey! I WENT TO MY SENIOR PROM WITH A YANKEE!

[OSM Mom]

Jane Goodall once taught an ape to rhumba. *That's* impressive.

[OSM Mom]

Sophia speaking about Dorothy: "Maybe you know her by her Indian name. Dances With No One."

[Cobalt Stargazer]

Blanche: "But he wants me. I can feel it."

 

Dorothy: "Let someone else feel it."

 

Blanche: "But we were meant for each other. I'm a woman and he's a man."

 

Dorothy: "And what am I, Little Richard?"

[ShadowSixx]

Blanche: "Good luck and try not to overdo it."

Dorothy: "Blanche, what is that suppose to mean?"
Blanche: "Oh nothing, it's just that these things can be a little strenuous for a woman of your years."

Dorothy: "Who am I, Mamie Eisenhower? I can last just as long as you."

Blanche: "Dorothy please, I think I have a little more endurance than you."

Dorothy: "Blanche, we're not dancing on our backs."

Blanche: "You take that back."

Dorothy: "I will not! You just implied I was an old lady."

Blanche: "Well honey I didn't mean to imply, I meant to say it flat out."

 

Dorothy: "Listen, Daisy. I don't like being intimidated, I don't like being threatened, and frankly, kid, I don't like you! I'm not going to buy you anything, and I'm going to call your folks and let them know what you're doing. Then I'm going to call the School for Bad Girls, and they will come and pick you up, and put you in a sack, and take you away, and you will never eat ice cream or play jump rope again!"

Daisy: "Get real grandma!"

 

Daisy: "You see this water pistol, it's loaded with red ink!"

 

Rose: "I can't believe we're going to know the true age of Blanche Deveraux." [looks at document] "Deleted by authority of the governor."

 

Dorothy: "Marguerite we have to tell you something."

Blanche: "But before we do I just like to let you know that Tootie was my favorite on The Facts of Life."

 

Blanche: "Rose, what was your first impression of me?"

Rose: "I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. [Gets her things] "But I was wrong you don't wear too much makeup."

 

Blanche: "It's when you use a phrase to mean something else. Like when I say men are blinded by my beauty, they're not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two."

 

Blanche: "Barbara, I picked up your first novel the other day."

Barbara: "Ah yes, 'So Dark the Waves on Biscayne Bay'. I've grown so much as a writer since then."

Blanche: "I should hope so."

Dorothy: "Blanche."

Barbara: "No it's alright. Did you have a problem with my book dear?"

Blanche: "Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves. Big waves, little waves, rolling in, page after page. I had to take a dramamine to get through chapter three."

 

Dorothy to Barbara: "Let me spell it out for you. Go to Hell."

 

Blanche: "He told me his wife died years ago."

Woman: "Oh he did." [talks to her husband behind hospital curtain] "You louse! You crumb! This is who you're cheating with now?! A woman in her sixties!"

 

Dorothy: "Rose, what about that guy you dated last Summer? The one who played Goofy at Disney World."

Rose: "I remember the passion, yes."

Dorothy: "Do you know why it didn't work out?"

Rose: "It just didn't."

Dorothy: "Yea, but do you remember why?"

Rose: "I don't wanna talk about it."

Blanche: "Rose, we're all adults, there's nothing to be ashamed of."

Rose: "He took off the Goofy head."

Dorothy: "He took off the Goofy head. See, that's not so bad." [Dorothy looks at Blanche and crosses her eyes]

 

Madam Zelda: "Move in this house and you'll die an agonizing death."

 

Blanche & Rose want to see the dress Dorothy purchased.

Dorothy: "Okay, but I'll warn you it's very simple. [Dorothy shows them the dress] "What do you think?"

Blanche: "I think I'm your best friend, so let's change the subject."

Rose: "It's perfect, it's exactly what I would have brought."

Dorothy: "That settles it, it goes back tomorrow."

 

Rose: "Cooking?"

Dorothy: "No Rose, I'm developing pictures from the Magellan Space Program."

Edited July 2, 2014 by ShadowSixx

[Cobalt Stargazer]

"Don't speak to me, Rose, what you did was terrible! I have never been so embarrassed!"

 

"That's not true! What about the time you got caught with the Orkin man?"

[LucyEth]

Blanche to Sophia, "Excuse me I thought because you looked like Yoda you were also wise like him"