19 Parodies and Counting: The Goofy Thread

[Happyfatchick]

@xls I wasn't able to open that video when first posted, so I only just saw it tonight. That is HILLARIOUS!!!

[becca3891]

Stolen from the Pickles and Hairspray FB page, who got it from someone's Instagram (and the originator said to freely copy):

 

 

And I'm not even going to take myself to the prayer closet.

I love this!!! I haven't kept up with their social media profiles; have any of the Duggars, and that of course includes Bin, had any woeful posts yet about the Supreme Court ruling?

[Happyfatchick]

On the Instagram where jessa's latest baby bump is posted, there's yet another argument between commenters regarding naming Josh's actions "mistake" v/s grievous misconduct (my wording, certainly not theirs - can ANY of their followers spell??). It came to me suddenly: a mistake is an unplanned pregnancy. Grievous misconduct would be JB/M planning and carrying out 19 pregnancies. Boom!

[dillpickles]

On the Instagram where jessa's latest baby bump is posted, there's yet another argument between commenters regarding naming Josh's actions "mistake" v/s grievous misconduct (my wording, certainly not theirs - can ANY of their followers spell??). It came to me suddenly: a mistake is an unplanned pregnancy. Grievous misconduct would be JB/M planning and carrying out 19 pregnancies. Boom!

But the initial contact only lasted about five seconds, so none of those pregnancies count, right?

[Happyfatchick]

So I did the math. According to your "research", Dill, all those years together and all those children gave them 1.58 minutes of total defrauded pleasure. They sure bring it up and talk about it a lot for such a minuscule bit of time.

I never really thought about it exactly like that until I typed it. Seriously, why was it such a BIG DEAL to THEM, that they flaunted their sex and discussed it constantly...but when josh did it, it was just minor, and no big deal at all???

[Micks Picks]

Well Josh didn't exactly "do it".  What he did was worse than front hugs vs side hugs, or holding hands and kissing and all that.  But they  JB and MEchelle, considered the molestation less sinful or inappropriate than the holding hands.  That seems to me to be the real screwed up thing.

[dillpickles]

Well Josh didn't exactly "do it". What he did was worse than front hugs vs side hugs, or holding hands and kissing and all that. But they JB and MEchelle, considered the molestation less sinful or inappropriate than the holding hands. That seems to me to be the real screwed up thing.

I guess its sinful when a woman consents outside of marriage.

So I did the math. According to your "research", Dill, all those years together and all those children gave them 1.58 minutes of total defrauded pleasure. They sure bring it up and talk about it a lot for such a minuscule bit of time.

I never really thought about it exactly like that until I typed it. Seriously, why was it such a BIG DEAL to THEM, that they flaunted their sex and discussed it constantly...but when josh did it, it was just minor, and no big deal at all???

You call mating with Jim Bob pleasure? He's probably the type to jackhammer than run out of steam 3 seconds later... and then ask "did you like that huk huk?" And poor MEchelle can't say no because he's her headship.

[Happyfatchick]

Ewww

[JoanArc]

Josh Duggar Inspired Makeup Tutorial, I laughed!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ_QtEJr5pY

[kokapetl]

Josh Duggar Inspired Makeup Tutorial, I laughed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ_QtEJr5pY

I was a little disappointed she didn't show us how to do unhealthy pallor, sweaty sheen and huge dark circles. Also, Josh's eyebrows always seemed plucked to me, y u no provide tips on that?

[What In The]

My turn! A lovely fantasy about Smuggar that I cooked up.

Setting: September 2015, due to the shame of having his dirty laundry aired for the planet to read about, Boob has kicked Joshie to the curb. Desperate, he and Anna are living with her sister in Houston where Joshie has found work....at Kroger.

Joshie: Hello mamm. Paper or plastic?

Customer: Plastic please!

Josh begins to bag. Unfortunately, he puts the Lysol with the tomatoes. The customer is not pleased.

Customer: WHAT THE F DID U DO? Do I look like I eat amonia flavored salad? WHERE IS YOUR MANAGER?

The manager comes, calms the customer, then sentences Josh to parking lot duty for the rest of his eight hour shift. What in the is asked to tell him what to do. But before she does, she secretly locks each cart before pushing them in all directions. Some fly left, some fly right.

What In The: Okay, Smuggar, I mean Josh. Heres what you do, just gather every cart and push them inside.

Josh: what? Umm, I don't know if you remember who I am, I'm JOSH DUGGAR. Head of the FRC? That's a major organization in....

What in the: Yeah, yeah, bye!

Josh: Don't you have to do this too.

What in the: No! That's manly work. I stay inside in the air conditioning and tell YOU how to do it.

Josh goes to the first cluster of carts. What in the takes an early break and grabs a Lime a rita from the beer section. She returns outside and sits on the display lawn furniture.

What in the: Push Josh PUSH!

Josh: I can't the wheels are stuck! Help me!

What In Thr: Wheels? Stuck? I dunno what youre talking about.

Josh: I'm tired!

Three hours pass, Smuggar comes inside pouring sweat. Unfortunately for Josh, the key to unlock the wheels remains hidden and he is fired for screwing up the lot.

[ChocolateAddict]

I found the fanfic that was referenced over in the Dillard thread.  I don't mean to be a bitch but I couldn't stop laughing as I read it, lol. This is the Jana one (as yet uncompleted!)

 

Chapter 1
Jana
"Hi mom and dad!" I say as I give my parents a hug. I haven't seen them since the day of Logan and I's wedding, three months ago. I walk into the house and see Jill holding Israel with Derick by her side. Pretty soon I'll be holding a baby of my own.
"Jana! It feels like I haven't seen you in ages!" Jill says and walks over to give me a hug. "How was the honeymoon?" She asks. "It was so wonderful! Australia was great. So many sights to see." I tell her. She hands me Israel and I hold him in my arms. Logan walks over to talk to Derick. "Any news?" Jill asks me with a smile and a wink. "You'll have to wait and see." I say with a grin. I walk over to the house phone speaker and announce "Please, everyone come into the living room right away!"

 

Chapter 2
Jana
Everyone gathers into the living room. Including Jessa, Ben, and their baby girl. "Jana and I have some great news!" Logan tells everyone. "We're expecting!" I announce. Everyone jumps for joy and chatter fills the room. "We are so excited for you Jana!" My dad tells me. "Another little grand baby on its way! So exciting!" My mom says. All my sisters get up to give me a hug and my brothers congratulate Logan and I. "God just keeps on giving! Jessa and Anna just had their babies, Marjorie and Josiah are planning their wedding, and now your expecting!" Joy says.
(2 months later)
Logan gives me a kiss good morning and I give him one in return. "How's our little miracle doing?" He asks while rubbing my stomach. "Great." I say.
 

Chapter 3
Jana
"Are you ready to find out the gender of our baby?" Logan asks me as we sit down for breakfast. "Of course! But remember, Amy is coming with us and is going to receive a note with the gender of the baby. We won't know the gender until the reveal party." I tell him. "Got it." He replies.
(2 hours later)
We walk into the hospital with Amy and see the doctor. We do an ultrasound and the doctor finally finds out the gender. "Are you ready to know what gender your baby will be?" The doctor asks us. "Amy will be finding out for us and is going to throw us a gender reveal party. So if you could write it down and give it to her that would be great." I tell him. "Sure thing." He says.

 

Chapter 4
Amy
I walk into the Duggar home and see Michelle baking in the kitchen. I walk over to her. "Hey Michelle! I found out Jana's gender of her baby." I say. "That's great Amy!" Michelle says. "I need your help planning the gender reveal party. I was thinking a slumber party theme. Everyone wears their pajamas and we eat a ton of snacks! Then to reveal the gender of the baby we could drop down pillow feathers from the ceiling that are either pink or blue!" I tell Michelle. "Sounds like you didn't need my help after all. Thats a great idea!" She tells me. I smile. I did it! I actually planned the party all by myself! Except there is one flaw... "But Michelle there's a problem." I say. "What is it Amy?" Michelle asks. "How am I supposed to tell her there's two babies?" I say. Then I grin as I see Michelle's face light up.

 

Chapter 5
Amy
"Oh my goodness! This is so exciting!" Michelle says. She stops baking and gives me a hug. "I know! But how am I supposed to drop feathers from the ceiling and let her know she's having twins?" I ask. "Well it depends if they're the same gender or not." Michelle tells me. "I got an idea! If it's a girl and boy I'll drop both colors from the ceiling! (And I'm not saying that's what it is.) And then if it's the same gender I'll drop the color from the ceiling, wait a few seconds, and drop some more feathers of the same color!" I say to Michelle with a huge smile. "Wow! Looks like you really didn't need my help after all!" Michelle says. I gather everyone into the living room and assign them each a specific job. We've got some work to do!

 

Chapter 6
Amy
"The party starts tomorrow at 5pm. I will come over at 11am to start preparing. Our good friend Sierra is coming over to help." I tell the whole family. I hear the little girls shout "yay" because I know they love her! "Also, everyone needs to be in their pajamas by 4:30pm just in case Jana comes early."
Jana
"This baby is kicking!" I say to myself with a smile. I feel so blessed. Hopefully all my midwifery paid off! (Next day)
"Logan, it's time to go! We're going to be late to our own party." I say to my husband who is putting on his shoes. "I'm coming sweetie." He says. He stands up, gives me a kiss, and we walk out the door. The drive doesn't take long, since we only live a few minutes down the rode. "I think it was such a clever idea of wearing pajamas to this! Amy said it was so I'm comfortable the whole time." I tell Logan. We walk in the door and I see everyone looking back at me. I see a ton of snacks all over the counter; popcorn, candy, etc. I also see Christian movies on the table and pillows all over the floor. Then, I realize something. "It's a slumber party theme!" I announce to everyone. "We knew you'd catch on quick!" Amy says and gives me a hug. "Thank you so much!" I tell her and the entire family.
 

Chapter 7 

Jana
"Are you ready to find out the gender of your baby?" Amy asks me. "Couldn't be more ready than I am right now!" I say. Amy smiles at me. "The way this works is feathers will drop from the ceiling. Pink is a girl and blue is a boy." Amy explains. "Got it!" I tell her. Logan holds my hand and I squeeze it. "Ready?" My mom asks me. "Ready!" I look up at the ceiling and wait for feathers to drop. I hear a count down. "5..." "4..." "3..." "2..." "1..." I see pink feathers drop from the ceiling. "It's a girl!" I shout and hug Logan. I start crying happy tears and watch the last of the feathers fall from the ceiling. A few seconds later I see more pink feathers drop from the ceiling. "Was there supposed to be a gap between drops?" I ask Amy. She winks at me. "Wait..." I start to talk but no words come out of my mouth.
I'm having twin girls!!

[Yolapukka]

That was fan-fic, not parody?

*snort*

 

Wow?

[Sew Sumi]

Find the Joy stuff! It was mind-blowingly horrible! Her husband got in a car accident, but she never went to the hospital, even when he was in really bad shape. I think she was also knocked up. I think Jana was also involved, but I can't remember if she was also married. 

 

I'm pretty sure this is the same person. The horrible grammar and sentence structure ring a very loud bell of recognition. 

 

Mechelle baking! Focus on the FICTION! LMAO

Edited July 3, 2015 by Sew Sumi

[kalamac]

Hahahahaha Michelle baking.

 

And here I thought the ultrasound tech would tell you if you were expecting twins, instead of leaving it up to the person you've chosen to reveal the gender. I guess I've learned nothing from working in hospital with both an imaging department and a fertility lab.

 

That was horrible. As a fanfic writer myself, I like to encourage other people with their writing, because I know as soon as I post my stuff, I'm convinced it sucks...but this is just terrible.

[ChocolateAddict]

I'm looking for the Joy one :) I found a really long one on Jinger with two parts - her wedding to Lawson Bates and their honeymoon in Kenya.  I'll post the first few chapters complete with terrible, terrible grammar and spelling.  

 

Chapter 1
I looked at him so amazed. I felt so lucky to be sitting here right now waiting for my Wedding Rehersal to start! I'm the third Duggar daughter to get married (The last one was Jessa and Bens In November of 2014) Tommorow July 25th I am going to Marry Lawson Bates. The bates have been family friends of ours for as long as I could remember and I have always liked Lawson but never said anything Until last year when our family's had been spending a lot of time together. He asked me to start Courting him And I said Yes (obviously) I looked at my watch.. Our Rehersal is starting in 6 more minutes! Right now we are all Getting in our spots so that we can do a full Run Through Of what will go down tommorow morning! My Maid of Honour Jessa and Ben went down First, Then Jill and Derick, Next comes Jana and John David, Next Joy Anna And Jeremiah, Fifth Whitney Bates and Lawson's Brother Zach, Next my Soon to be sister in law Erin with her husband Chad, Then Alyssa Bates with her husband John, Next Comes Michaella Bates with her husband Brandon! Those are the groomsmen and Brides maids! Our Parents Will walk Down Next and Then finally My dad and I! I have a really big wedding party Just like my older sister Jessa Did! I glanced down at my Watch.. "Get in your Places Guys were starting." I said! My dad Jim Bob ran to my side.. "Are you sure you want to do this tommorow? You know it's not too late to run Jinger!" He said it with a laugh! I looked up at him Smiled and Said "No I'm sure"

Chapter 2

The run through of the wedding went perfect! Josh and Anna Came half way through. Josh is a groomsmen too and Anna is a bridesmaid! Just like for Jessa's Wedding Josh had a thing for work and Anna didn't want to travel alone with her 4 kids, Mackynzie Michael Marcus and Michelle! So Anna came down at the same time! We were so happy to see them because they were missed terribly. Our Ring bearers are Bradley Bates, Marcus, Israel, Andrew (Jessa and Bens son) And Carson ( Erin and Chads Boy!) Our Flower girls are Michelle, Allie Jane, Josie and Mackynzie! We are now at the Rehersal Dinner where all our siblings and Parents Said they're Good Bye Speeches. Jill went first "Jinger I love you so much. You are such an amazing Sister who continues to amaze and Inspire me every single day! You will be an amazing wife and mother some day! You and Lawson are a perfect couple and Derick Israel and I wish you the best of luck with married life!" I ran up and gave her a Big Hug! Next was Zach Which is Lawson's Best Man "Lawson Whitney Bradley And I want to say a huge congratulations! We love you and Jinger so much and I am so proud of the young man you have become! You are a great Brother! We love you.. God Bless!" Lawson and I ran up and have him a big hug too! Joy and Jana said their speech Together " Our dearest Jinger we love you so much, you are a great sister and we couldn't be happier for you! You will be a great Wife and Lawson is such a lucky man! All our Love!" I gave them a hug as well and whispered "I love y'all so much" After the rest of our wedding party Siblings and Our parents said their Wishes and speeches I was almost in tears! Last but defiantly not least was Jessa and I knew I would need Tissues for this one!!

 

Chapter 3

Jessa walked up with the microphone in hand and said "Jinger I don't even know where to start..." I know where I started... Crying! Jessa Continued "You are my best friend and The best sister anyone can ask for, Since the day you were born I always knew we would have a special Bond and Now 22 years later we are getting ready for you're wedding tommorow! Isn't that Crazy?! I am so truly honoured to be you're maid of Honour! I know it's not easy to choose because You have tons of other options but Thank you so much for choosing me. Words can't describe how much you mean to me and how much I love you! I am so truly Excited to see what the future brings for you and Lawson! I am blessed beyond measure to have the best sister in the world!!" Then Jessa Stuck her pinky, Thumb and pointer finger up to make a rock and roll gesture with her hand that actually Means I love you in Sign Language! I started crying so hard now and I ran up to Jessa and Gave her the biggest and longest hug Possible! Jessa is My best friend and I love her so much! After I stopped crying we had Dinner or as Jason Called it 'The last meal as a Duggar' We had Tater Tot casserole, Caesar salad and Ice Cream for dessert! I was ready for tommorow and I was So excited to marry Lawson! Just while we were finishing Our meal Josie ran up to me and Said in her cute little voice "Jinger Jinger Tommorow is you're wedding day!" "That's right Josie.. I'm gonna be a bride!" I responded. "You're going to be so pretty!" She added. "Aw thanks Jose!!" I picked her up and gave her a hug! I have the best family in the world! And Tommorow my family will get bigger and Better!

Chapter 4

I drove home with Jana when we were all finished! We had Bible time where the family said a special prayer for my big day tommorow, and I headed to bed early so I wouldn't be a bridezilla tommorow! Right when I finished getting my pyjamas on and brushing my teeth Mom came in! "I just wanted to say Good Night Jinger, We love you and we are so proud of the young lady you have become!" "Thanks Mom.. I'm going to miss you guys but I promise we will visit when ever we can! Who could stay away from you're cooking!?" She laughed! I hugged her one last time and then I climbed into my bed! Mom shut the lights off and headed downstairs. I layed there in the dark for a few minutes thinking about the cool name I will get tommorow... Jinger Nicole Bates!

 

There are another 12 chapters if you guys want me to post them, hahahaha.  Or maybe you have all reached the limit of how many wrongly capitalised words and strangely structured sentences you can take.  I was just dying to tell the writer that "tomorrow" only has one m!

Edited July 3, 2015 by ChocolateAddict

[What In The]

Mine sucked but hey its a nice thought....Josh doing manual labor.

[Love2dance]

I probably shouldn't say this, but those fan-fic chapters reminded me of the level of writing in "Fifty Shades of Grey."

Edited July 3, 2015 by Love2dance

[kalamac]

The overuse of exclamation points and underuse of commas hurts me. And what's with the random capitalization of words? Arrrggghhhhhh.

[What In The]

"This damn well better work." Michelle clipped in the last bit of her hair pieces and slipped on her shoes. "You ready"? Jim Bob waited coldly by the bedroom door. Hand in hand they walked downstairs. "Call the children down." She told him. After about five minutes all sixteen were in the family room followed by their married sisters and in laws sans Jill and Derrick. Jimbob forced a smile.

"Well, guys. Mama and I have some important news. Michelle...." She smiled and blushed. "We're expecting!" Mouths dropped in unison. Finally, after a long silence Jana spoke. "But how?" Michelle shrugged. "The Lord works in mysterious ways. We thought that we'd never have another little one to hold again. This is a miracle! No one said a single word. Finally, Michelle excused herself and picked up the closest cell phone. Almost immediately, Sierra answered.

"So, are we still on?" Michelle whispered. Sierra responded with an excited "Of course".

"I haven't called People or NBC's people back yet. I didn't want to until I was sure. So you had the ultrasound and everything's good?"

"Yes. You WILL be paying me what we agreed on as soon as it's over right? I pop the little brat, you miraculously deliver, then I get fifty grand?"

"Yeah, if you keep your fucking mouth shut! My show is on the line thanks to Josh's sin in the camp and I am NOT goin' back to the two bath, three bed shit house! And stay out of the kids' sights those little suckers will blow our cover for sure."

"Fine".

Michelle hung up and went back to the family. Jim Bob gave her a nervous look. She winked at him. "All systems are a go!"

[Julia]

People are seriously writing Duggarpreg RPF?

[Churchhoney]

Chapter 6

Amy

"The party starts tomorrow at 5pm. I will come over at 11am to start preparing. Our good friend Sierra is coming over to help." I tell the whole family. I hear the little girls shout "yay" because I know they love her! "Also, everyone needs to be in their pajamas by 4:30pm just in case Jana comes early."

Jana

"This baby is kicking!" I say to myself with a smile. I feel so blessed. Hopefully all my midwifery paid off! (Next day)

"Logan, it's time to go! We're going to be late to our own party." I say to my husband who is putting on his shoes. "I'm coming sweetie." He says. He stands up, gives me a kiss, and we walk out the door. The drive doesn't take long, since we only live a few minutes down the rode. "I think it was such a clever idea of wearing pajamas to this! Amy said it was so I'm comfortable the whole time." I tell Logan. We walk in the door and I see everyone looking back at me. I see a ton of snacks all over the counter; popcorn, candy, etc. I also see Christian movies on the table and pillows all over the floor. Then, I realize something. "It's a slumber party theme!" I announce to everyone. "We knew you'd catch on quick!" Amy says and gives me a hug. "Thank you so much!" I tell her and the entire family.

 

Chapter 7 

Jana

"Are you ready to find out the gender of your baby?" Amy asks me. "Couldn't be more ready than I am right now!" I say. Amy smiles at me. "The way this works is feathers will drop from the ceiling. Pink is a girl and blue is a boy." Amy explains. "Got it!" I tell her. Logan holds my hand and I squeeze it. "Ready?" My mom asks me. "Ready!" I look up at the ceiling and wait for feathers to drop. I hear a count down. "5..." "4..." "3..." "2..." "1..." I see pink feathers drop from the ceiling. "It's a girl!" I shout and hug Logan. I start crying happy tears and watch the last of the feathers fall from the ceiling. A few seconds later I see more pink feathers drop from the ceiling. "Was there supposed to be a gap between drops?" I ask Amy. She winks at me. "Wait..." I start to talk but no words come out of my mouth.

I'm having twin girls!!

 

How special. Jana gets to start her mega-brood with not one but two JSlaves of her very own! I love happy endings.

[Churchhoney]

I drove home with Jana when we were all finished! We had Bible time where the family said a special prayer for my big day tommorow, and I headed to bed early so I wouldn't be a bridezilla tommorow! Right when I finished getting my pyjamas on and brushing my teeth Mom came in! "I just wanted to say Good Night Jinger, We love you and we are so proud of the young lady you have become!" "Thanks Mom.. I'm going to miss you guys but I promise we will visit when ever we can! Who could stay away from you're cooking!?" She laughed! I hugged her one last time and then I climbed into my bed! Mom shut the lights off and headed downstairs. I layed there in the dark for a few minutes thinking about the cool name I will get tommorow... Jinger Nicole Bates!

 

There are another 12 chapters if you guys want me to post them, hahahaha.  Or maybe you have all reached the limit of how many wrongly capitalised words and strangely structured sentences you can take.  I was just dying to tell the writer that "tomorrow" only has one m!

 

I wanna hear more about Michelle's cooking.

The overuse of exclamation points and underuse of commas hurts me. And what's with the random capitalization of words? Arrrggghhhhhh.

 

The capitalization is my favorite part.

[Bella]

On a completely different note, I saw this on Facebook and thought of this thread. Can't imagine why, though!

 

[NextIteration]

Ha!  Questionable use of the word "crap" though.

[Churchhoney]

Ha!  Questionable use of the word "crap" though.

 

 

Yep. But, you know, it all starts to feel like crap at a certain point.

[kokapetl]

On a completely different note, I saw this on Facebook and thought of this thread. Can't imagine why, though!

I love how the address was hand written afterwards, almost like how a Duggar would do things. Edited July 3, 2015 by Kokapetl

[kokapetl]

FWIW I found this interesting, and I promise it contains no incest. I'm not a fiction reader. If I've bought your book, (please don't be offended), it's because I was drunk.

[kokapetl]

I found the fanfic that was referenced over in the Dillard thread. I don't mean to be a bitch but I couldn't stop laughing as I read it, lol. This is the Jana one (as yet uncompleted!)

Chapter Jana

"Hi mom and dad!" I say as I give my parents a hug. I haven't seen them since the day of Logan and ...

latest part

{Chapter 8}

Jana's POV

I start to cry even harder because I'm so happy. Logan holds me tight and everyone cheers. My mom and dad come hug me and I start to laugh. "This is so incredible!" I say. "How about we eat some snacks out of celebration!" Sierra suggest. I nod my head and the whole family fills their plates with sweets. We all sit down in the living room. "Congratulations Jana!" Jinger tells me. "I can't wait to babysit my nieces!" Joy says. "I'm going to have more friends to play with!" Josie yells. "Thank you all for this great night. I couldn't have asked for any better." I announce. "You deserve it." Amy says.

(2 months later)

"How about this crib?" I ask my mom and sisters. We are shopping for the nursery and I brought Jill, Jessa, Joy, and my mom along to help. I wish Jinger could've come, but she wanted to help babysit the little ones. "It's so adorable! I love it!" Jill says. "I don't know if they should have the same crib style or if they should be different." I tell them. "Maybe do the same so it looks better and then give them different pillows and blankets to put in the crib." My mom informs me. "Great idea! I couldn't have done this without any of you!"

Edited July 3, 2015 by Kokapetl

[JoanArc]

Ugh, what a horrible story. Next up: Jana frets over a selective reduction, Sierra doesn't know what kind of party to throw for one.

[Sew Sumi]

The selective reduction explains why she's only getting one crib! LOL

Edited July 3, 2015 by Sew Sumi

[ChocolateAddict]

For the record - I'm on uni break so I can afford to spend time looking for badly written Duggar fanfic, hahaha.  

This one just killed me, especially the part that I put in italics. I deliberately left all the spelling and grammar errors in for your enjoyment!  

 

Chapter 1
Johannah 
I was playing outside alone.We had the gates opened because we knew Jessa and Jill along with Ben and Derick were on there way.I saw a vehicle that looked like Jessa's,but it wasn't Jessa's.
The vehicle came through the gate and I thought it was Jessa's.It wasn't.I was in the middle of the yard by the time I realized it wasn't.I tried to run into the house,but the vehicle caught up to me.The man in the vehicle kidnapped me.
Michelle
I knew she went outside by herself since she asked me.I needed her to do her chores.I went outside to go get her,but she wasn't there.I just thought she went inside,so I called her name on the intercom.2 minutes later,I was worried.She always came down right away.I went upstairs to see if she was there.She wasn't.I called all the kids and Jim Bob to tell them to search all the house and outside the house.No one found her.Jim Bob called the police to report her missing.

 

Chapter 2
Kidnapper
I found this little girl outside,and I decided to kidnap her.I'm taking her to my hometown,Columbus,Ohio.I'm not sure what I will do with her yet.
Johannah
I'm really scared.I keep on asking him where are we going,but he tells me to shut up .Then we finally stopped.I knew we were in Columbus,Ohio because of a sign.He told me to get out and he left.
Kidnapper
This was my first time kidnapping someone and I didn't have a heart to do anything else.So I dropped her off on the side of the road.
Johannah
What do I do now?I don't have any money or a phone.I guess I need to try to walk back.I won't walk all the way back.I know somewhere I can go.

 

Chapter 3
Johannah
I am planning on going to Tennessee to the Bates house.They will help me.I hope I can walk through Ohio,Kentucky,and Tennessee.As I was walking,cars would stop and ask if I needed a ride.I told them no thanks,I can walk.I was wondering what my family was thinking.
Michelle
I wonder where my baby is.I should have never let her go outside by herself.This is all my fault.I will never forgive myself.

 

Chapter 4
*3 days later*
Johannah
I have finally reached the Bates house.I'm about to knock on the door.
* after knocking on door*
Carlin opened the door.She asked me why I was here.I told her they I got kidnapped and the man drove me to Ohio and just left me on the side of the road,so I walked.Carlin let me in and told her parents the whole story.
Kelley Bates 
I was shocked to have Johannah at my door.I called Michelle and she along with the family are on their way.
Michelle
I'm so happy my baby was ok.I can't wait to see her. 

 

WHO COMES UP WITH THIS????

Edited July 4, 2015 by ChocolateAddict

[Sew Sumi]

Okay, now that's downright scary. 

[Bella]

I read that out loud to DH. I'm not sure he'll ever recover.

[Sew Sumi]

Bella, I liked that because of your courage and DH's fortitude. I can't imagine how that reads aloud. 

[kalamac]

Okay, here's my foray into Duggar fantasy fic:

Jinger and Joy started loading Johannah, Jenny and Josie into one of the many Duggar SUVs, while Jana searched the house for Jordyn.

"Have you seen Jordyn?" she asked Jim-Bob and Michelle. "We're taking the girls out for ice cream."

Michelle blinked slowly, before turning her adoring gaze to Jim-Bob. "We have a Jordyn?" Her confused, high-pitched voice set off dogs barking in the distance.

"Don't worry, I'll find her." Jana walked away, wishing she could stomp, but knowing she needed to stay sweet, so as not to arouse her parents suspicion. Finding Jordyn sitting under the kitchen table, sadly poking a spoon into an empty food can, Jana pulled her out, and hustled her to the garage, where Jinger was waiting with the rest of the girls.

They drove away, and never came back.

*Apologies for using the word arouse in a story about the Duggars.

Edited, because I forgot Joy.

Edited July 4, 2015 by kalamac

[What In The]

Continuing where I left off.

Later on that week. Jinger and Joy wait by the door in the "goodbye room". After a while Jana comes in carrying a tiny bottle wrapped in butcher paper.

Joy: Did you get it?

Jana: Of course I got it! Let's go inside but BE QUIET! Mama and daddy are still upstairs teaching Josie her routine.

Jinger: Puh freaking lease! Josie ain't going to win any pageant that doesn't involve eating her snot on oreos!

Jana: That is disgusting! Hurry up, let's do this.

All of them go to the industrial kitchen where Jana takes a tiny bottle of pills out of her pound of ground beef. She takes one out, crushes it, and puts it in a Starbucks cup heavy with foam. From upstairs, Jimbob can be heard taking Josie downstairs and out the door.

Jinger: Cool, he's gone! Now what is this thing supposed to do?

Jana: that guy Dylan in the meat place says it's a, um, Ruthie? Roofie? Anyway, mama takes a sip and the truth comes out! If she's loopy enough she'll say whatever we want her to. I overheard every word her and See air head Sierra were saying. Baby number twenty two is a lie! She takes a sip, you hide with the tape recorder, get the whole thing, and we have our blackmail plan set in stone! Mama can either let us be free from this baby puke hole or..well...you know.

[ChocolateAddict]

Because I know that you have all been waiting for these updates :)

 

Chapter 9
Jana
We finally pick out a crib for the nursery! So far we have picked out the wallpaper, crib, high chairs, and some decorations. "This rocking chair is so cute!" Jill says and points to a plain wooden rocking chair. "It's so old fashioned." I say. I love it! "Logan told me he wants the baby changing station to be blue. He says there has to be something manly looking in the room." I tell all the girls. We all laugh. "Oh yes, blue is very manly." My mom says sarcastically. "You know, your father said the exact same thing when you were born, Jana. I was picking out a ton of girly pink stuff for you and he reminded me we had to have some blue for John David." We all laugh again.
"I want to get a letter to put above each one of their cribs. The first letter of their name." I tell everyone. "You haven't told us what your naming them yet!" Joy says. "I know! I want it to be a surprise. I'll just tell you that their names begin with..."

 

Chapter 10
Jana
"You haven't told us what your naming them yet!" Joy says. "I know! I want it to be a surprise. I'll just tell you that their names begin with the letters A and B." I say. "Not the same letter? Cool! That's what I'm doing too." Jill says. "I want the A to be pink and the B to be purple." I say. "How about we buy the wooden letters and we can get all the little girls to paint them! We could paint the base colors and then they could paint anything on top." My mom suggest. "That's a great idea!" The little girls will love doing that. I'm so excited now! I'm so glad my family came shopping with me.
(Week later)
"Okay girls. Josie and Jennifer will paint the letter A with purple paint. The base color is pink. Jordyn, Johannah, and Mackynzie will paint the letter B with pink paint. The base color is purple. Any questions ladies?" I ask the young ones. They shake their heads and begin painting. "Keep the paint on the letters!" I remind them. They are over at my house. It's girls night! Plus Logan. After we are done painting they are going to go swimming in the pool and we'll eat dinner. "Jana when are you having your baby boy?" Josie asks me. "No Josie, I'm having a baby girls. They're twins. And I don't know when they're coming. But I do know that they are due August 13, I have four more months left of my pregnancy." "That's close to my birthday!" Jennifer tells me. "I know! Your birthday is August 2." I say. "Are yall ready to meet your nieces?" Logan asks the girls. They all scream "yeah!" except Mackynzie. "And Mackynzie are you ready to meet your cousin?" Logan asks her. Then she screams "yeah!" too. They finish painting and then get in their bathing suits to swim.

 

Stay tuned for more chapters of "Jana's Miracle" !!

[kokapetl]

I don't think Logan's opinions on color gives the reader enough details about his personality.

[JoanArc]

 

"Logan told me he wants the baby changing station to be blue. He says there has to be something manly looking in the room." I tell all the girls. We all laugh. "Oh yes, blue is very manly." My mom says sarcastically. "You know, your father said the exact same thing when you were born, Jana. I was picking out a ton of girly pink stuff for you and he reminded me we had to have some blue for John David."

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/when-did-girls-start-wearing-pink-1370097/?no-ist

 

For people who want us to go back in time gender role-wise I always have a good laugh at the pink/blue thing.

 

 

“The generally accepted rule is pink for the boys, and blue for the girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.”

Edited July 6, 2015 by JoanArc

[Sew Sumi]

I don't think Logan's opinions on color gives the reader enough details about his personality.

Color is wimmenz work! Are you suggesting that Logan may have TFDW tendencies???

[Happyfatchick]

I don't think Logan's opinions on color gives the reader enough details about his personality.

. I've only skimmed through this garbage, I cannot deliberately make myself read something with the grammar, mistakes, general creepiness factor... I'm afraid something will jump off the screen and get on me. And whatever THAT is, I don't want it.

I'm going to say (probably unfairly since I just admitted I haven't "read" it, but I think Logan's color choices may not be the top of the food chain as far as problems with this script go...

[questionfear]

I can't explain why, but I am oddly sucked into this fanfic. It makes me realize the character depth and development is quite good in the "Berenstein Bears" picture books I read my son. 

[frenchtoast]

Those big blocks of fanfic aren't against any guidelines, but as a matter of aesthetics, could it be linked to instead? Pasting a few choice sentences or paragraph or two is fine. It's just....that's a lot of text. 

 

It's a request, it's not a requirement. But we'd appreciate it :)

[ChocolateAddict]

Sure thing frenchtoast :)

[Fabricationary]

Many years ago, when I had free time, I was playing the Sims and paired up two J-named parents who both wanted tons of kids.  Through "God's plan" (aka doing "try for baby" as soon as J-mom gestated her latest blessing), the J-parents welcomed 10 kids within a span of a few dozen Sim-days.  Just to be creative with naming, all children were named starting with "Ja-."  I revisited my game recently to find:

 

(from oldest to youngest:)

Jayden (female; graduated from Sim University, married, and had only two kids.  Mostly focused on her career.)

Jacob (male; also graduated from Sim U.  In a rather unconventional lifestyle choice, he became pregnant with twins through a game hack while his wife became the family breadwinner)

Jamie (male; turned blue from frostbite as a child due to lack of proper insulation and heating in the J-home.  Currently toiling away at Sim U.  I hate that expansion pack - it's so tedious)

Janet (female; also toiling away at Sim U)

Jared (male; so desperate to escape the J-prison he moved in with his teenaged girlfriend across town)

Jacqueline (female; once she became a teen, she also needed to escape the J-compound, and she moved in with her sane older sister Jayden)

Jasmine (female; she hooked up with the maid and moved to college with her)

Jamelia (female; still a kid stuck in the J-home)

Jack (male; toddler still at home)

Jardenia (female, baby; still at home)

 

Unlike their J-pseudonamesakes, the J-parents here are anxious to have their kids move out as soon as they become teens.  That way there is room for more J-babies in their 3-bedroom home (1 parental bedroom, 1 nursery, and 1 communal sleeping space for the others).  Unlike in the real world, there is a maximum to how many Sims can live in a single lot at once, and if a Sim family is over the limit, no new little blessings can be made.

 

For future J'babies, I was considering such lovely names as:
- Jaeger

- Jarvis

- Jarmaine

- Jacinta

- Jael

- Janiyah

- Jaslene

[Bella]

I miss the Sims! When my niece was a preteen, she and I would set up a week-long session over the holidays. Sometimes we'd play together, sometimes we'd alternate. She taught me the money cheats and I taught her how to do career, baby, and friend cheats. We set up a little girl with a robot, married her parents off to other people in other homes, and tried to see if we could get another adult to move in and be her adoptive parent. That never quite worked, though we came close. And we had an agreement not to kill off anyone unilaterally. Imagine a 12-y.o. girl yelling up from her grandmother's basement "Aunt Bella? I hate Nelson. Is it okay if I kill him?" Yeah - good times!

 

Now I probably spend 1-2 days every couple of years playing Sims. I wonder if I could do a house full of J-kids with no parents....

[roamyn]

I wonder if I could do a house full of J-kids with no parents....

And then the creators of On Our Own could file a Sim injunction! LOL

[Fabricationary]

 I wonder if I could do a house full of J-kids with no parents....

 

Yep!  I stopped playing after Sims 2 (I think now they're on 4 or 5), but in Sims 2, you could create-a-family with at least 1 adult and then as many kids as the household upper limit (which I think is 8) allows, and you can assign all the kids as the children of the adult sim(s) in the family.  The only caveat is at least 1 of the kids must be a teenager.  Then move the family into a lot, and have the adult move away using the computer function ("find my own place").  The teen can now be the "adult" of the household, but you still need to use nanny services if the teen needs to leave home (for school/work) while toddlers/kids are at home.  

 

If you use game cheats (the tombstone of life and death was my favorite), you can do other scenarios.  The tombstone can spawn new babies/children/teens that can be added to the household, or it can be used to make existing household members pregnant or alien pregnant (even teens - though I think you might need the inteeminator cheat for that).  Or you could do something creative like have the 2 parents in one household, constantly making babies, and then have them visit their kids' lot bringing along the new kids, and use the tombstone to "add to family->[new kid's name]."  Sort of like the actually Duggar setup, where kids essentially get handed off to their teenaged caretakers after J'chelle weans them.

[kokapetl]

I did a Sims (the original Sims) with the cast of Passions (I miss that show). Theresa had a real sparkly dress.