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S01.E03: The Dinner


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(edited)

No episode description, but this was the first episode that totally clicked for me.  The show has very strong performers (I have a girlcrush on June Diane Raphael, and she's the best of the kids), but it seemed to be missing something until now.  I think this was the first time the writing nailed both the pathos and the uncomfortable comedy of the situation.

 

It doesn't really have the binge-watch draw of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but it's good enough that I think I'll finish the season.

 

I have found myself wondering what the show would be like if they'd had Fonda and Tomlin switch roles and play against type, but they're both good at their respective type, so that's not a terrible thing.

Edited by starri
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It doesn't really have the binge-watch draw of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but it's good enough that I think I'll finish the season.

 

 

I am the exact opposite.  I didn't really care for Kimmy Schmdt.  I found it awkward and unfunny at parts but Grace and Frankie clicked for me from the start.  I loved this episode because it brought up the very real question of how the kids on both sides would have reacted with the fathers had left the mothers for women instead of each other.  The kids felt they had to reacted in a certain way because they were gay. 

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To me, the difference is that this seems (and its pedigree suggests its lineage) like a traditional four-camera sitcom without the laugh track, or maybe also a bit like a dramedy like Sex and the City.  That's not a bad thing, but Kimmy Schmidt's more surrealist take on things hits the "binge" center of my brain much easier than this.

 

Grace and Frankie is well-made, beautifully shot, and has a great cast.  It's just not laugh-out-loud funny to me.  At least until the awkward dinner.

 

Also, there's the fact that while Sol and Robert did a horrible thing to their wives, they are kind of adorable as a squabbling couple.  I expect that will be my husband and myself in 30 years.

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The kids are starting to become real people, which will help. June's great and I hope she gets lots of screen time. There was a lot of humanity in this one, especially Sol's heroic efforts to try to cover all bases (and the obvious one they missed). I thought putting the cake on the beach house table was a nice touch. As was Brianna's leaving the room to rendezvous with a glass of wine--that one rang so true and universal.

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I'm just over traditional sitcoms, so the more obvious jokes or scenes don't click for me, so I think the show just won't be my thing, but I do agree June is the best.

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And, it took 3 episodes in for Jane Fonda to get all hysterical like a banshee....;-)p

 

I kind of enjoyed that, because honestly, it's hard for people outside the target demographic to get attention on TV if they aren't breaking shit.

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And, it took 3 episodes in for Jane Fonda to get all hysterical like a banshee....;-)p

But that was the entire set up. No one even looked at her or Frankie until she caused a scene. The old people super power joke. Can't stop me if they don't see me joke. .

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I kind of enjoyed that, because honestly, it's hard for people outside the target demographic to get attention on TV if they aren't breaking shit.

 

 

But that was the entire set up. No one even looked at her or Frankie until she caused a scene. The old people super power joke. Can't stop me if they don't see me joke. .

 

I probably should have said more than just that one sentence.... I made that comment in a loving way.... A lot of times, I think it's hilarious when Jane Fonda goes batshit because I've seen her do that in her earlier movies when she was in her 20s-30s....And, I like to think that this show is not just geared towards middle-aged crowd because I am in my 30s + somewhat enjoy it....

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I've BEEN the invisible woman, so I loved that. I didn't do what Fonda did, though. I complained to corporate. And I got names, times, etc. and the higher ups were not happy.

It really hits the  spot, when the kids said if you'd been having an affair with a GIRL for 20 years we wouldn't be sitting here having cake but because you're GAY it's somehow magically OKAY? That's good.

 

And it still pisses me off that they just. Don't. GET how much damage their cheating has done. They keep saying I'm so sorry I HURT YOU. HURT ME? REALLY ROBER & SOL? They DESTROYED them. Completely, utterly, destroyed them. Hurt. Pssh...

GREAT series. It's really interesting to see this from the inside out.

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And, I like to think that this show is not just geared towards middle-aged crowd because I am in my 30s + somewhat enjoy it....

Yeah, I keep getting baffled as to why so many critics are heralding it only as a show for senior citizens. My friends and I are all 30s/40s and are watching the crap out of it. Guess what, studios? The Olds aren't the only people who can find The Olds compelling to watch! (Although of course we are The Olds to a lot of people.)

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Mid 30s and enjoyed it.  It isn't a great show.  But the actors are great.  The acting?  The ages of the actors?  They are so so so not the problem with this show.   And I'm really enjoying Grace and Frankie Sol and Robert more than the second generation.  Although, honestly all the kids minus Brooklyn Decker are growing on me.

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(edited)

I've BEEN the invisible woman, so I loved that. I didn't do what Fonda did, though. I complained to corporate. And I got names, times, etc. and the higher ups were not happy.

It really hits the  spot, when the kids said if you'd been having an affair with a GIRL for 20 years we wouldn't be sitting here having cake but because you're GAY it's somehow magically OKAY? That's good.

 

And it still pisses me off that they just. Don't. GET how much damage their cheating has done. They keep saying I'm so sorry I HURT YOU. HURT ME? REALLY ROBER & SOL? They DESTROYED them. Completely, utterly, destroyed them. Hurt. Pssh...

GREAT series. It's really interesting to see this from the inside out.

 

While I haven't watched the whole season yet, I think Sol has some idea of how much pain he's caused. It's just that...what can he possibly say? "I'm sorry I destroyed you?"

 

I think that, as hurt as Grace and Frankie are, they understand why their husbands did what they did. In the mid-90's, coming out of the closet would have been incredibly difficult for two 50-year-olds in a conservative profession, who have been married to women for decades, and are raising children. And denying themselves genuine love and rewarding sex right after discovering they exist would have been brutally difficult, too.

 

The ideal thing would have been for them to be honest as soon as they realized the situation they were in. But very, very few people would have had the courage to do that, and I think Frankie and Grace get that.

Edited by Blakeston
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I think that, as hurt as Grace and Frankie are, they understand why their husbands did what they did. In the mid-90's, coming out of the closet would have been incredibly difficult for two 50-year-olds in a conservatie profession, who have been married to women for decades, and are raising children. And denying themselves genuine love and rewarding sex right after discovering they exist would have been brutally difficult, too.

 

 

This point is touched upon from the beginning and I think it is something that makes the show brilliant.  Robert and Sol didn't just steal the woman's perfect life and perfect marriages they stole the high road.  Grace and Frankie can't be anything other then supportive otherwise they come off as homophobic.  If the men ran off with women they could be harpy shrews from hell and everyone would be understanding but because they are gay men coming out their wives have to be understanding.  They have no choice.  

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What the hell happened to Ethan Embry? He looks so rough and old. Can't he get some hair plugs like Joel McHale did? Look what those implants did for Joel's career.

He lost that hair a long time ago. Even back in Can't Hardly Wait, you could tell that his hairline wasn't in it for the long haul.

 

IIRC, he was quite a bit heavier a few years ago. I was actually surprised by how young and cute he looked here.

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Yeah, I think it is just the contrast of seeing him from child/young adult actor to "older man" now.  I do agree this is the thinnest he has ever been.  Ethan Embry was always a little chubby throughout his life.  In future episodes he actually looks really toned.  Anyway, good to see him working on something interesting.

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(edited)

I'm 43 and just starting to have that invisible feeling, so the invisibility plot line rang true. Nice touch that Grace's face is literally being erased from the company she created. But why Frankie wanted to get a job teaching art at a nursing home when she already has a job teaching art at a prison was a little confusing. It's dropped details like that that make the writing seem a bit sloppy.

 

"That's out superpower. If they can't see us, they can't stop us" is the best line of the series so far.

 

Wow, Coyote's rock bottom moment was  . . . not that bad.

Edited by Sesquipedalia
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I'm really enjoying this show. The comedy is great, and while Grace and Frankie are bot a bit extreme, the show has managed to avoid the all too common mistake of making them cartoonish or one dimensional.

This episode did a great job of highlighting the many layers of feelings all these characters are going through. Robert and Saul are feeling freed, and looking forward to being together, really together, for the first time after all those years. This is something they've wanted for two decades, and their dreams are finally being realized. The wives must be feeling shocked, and sad, and rejected. I can't even imagine how it must feel to find out that for twenty years, you'd been sharing your bed with someone whose heart wasn't there. And as mentioned above, they have to at least try to be supportive, although, if either man left his wife for a woman and had the audacity already be planning a wedding, the wife would be the one getting all the support from friends and family. At the same time,the wives and kidswantth r guys to be happy because they love them, even though they are shocked and confused and angry. It's such a mess.

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I'm really enjoying this show. The comedy is great, and while Grace and Frankie are bot a bit extreme, the show has managed to avoid the all too common mistake of making them cartoonish or one dimensional.

This episode did a great job of highlighting the many layers of feelings all these characters are going through. Robert and Saul are feeling freed, and looking forward to being together, really together, for the first time after all those years. This is something they've wanted for two decades, and their dreams are finally being realized. The wives must be feeling shocked, and sad, and rejected. I can't even imagine how it must feel to find out that for twenty years, you'd been sharing your bed with someone whose heart wasn't there. And as mentioned above, they have to at least try to be supportive, although, if either man left his wife for a woman and had the audacity already be planning a wedding, the wife would be the one getting all the support from friends and family. At the same time,the wives and kidswantth r guys to be happy because they love them, even though they are shocked and confused and angry. It's such a mess.

I agree about Grace and Frankie not being one dimensional.  The early premise sort of leads into an "Odd Couple" scenario, but as the episodes go by you realize that the characters aren't all that different.  Yeah, they are two different personalities, but considering their age and styles of life you realize that they have a lot more in common and can relate to one another a lot more than they may have initially thought.

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One silly question: why are they sharing the beach house? It looks like Sol has moved in with Robert. What's wrong with Frankie's house? As cool as that beach house is, and it is beautiful, I don't know that I would want to live in my ex-husband's love nest over the home I raised my children in.

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One silly question: why are they sharing the beach house? It looks like Sol has moved in with Robert. What's wrong with Frankie's house? As cool as that beach house is, and it is beautiful, I don't know that I would want to live in my ex-husband's love nest over the home I raised my children in.

I don't think either of them are ready to be on their own. You could sense that in the first couple episodes. I would also think a person in that situation might see the family home as a place that constantly reminds them of what the last 20 years really were. As a bonus, that beach house is likely worth at least twice what the other 2 places were put together. Financially, they undoubtedly got the better deal.

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One silly question: why are they sharing the beach house? It looks like Sol has moved in with Robert. What's wrong with Frankie's house? As cool as that beach house is, and it is beautiful, I don't know that I would want to live in my ex-husband's love nest over the home I raised my children in.

 

I think it's too painful for Frankie to be in her house, surrounded by memories of her life with Sol. 

 

And while the beach house may have been partially bought for the affair, Grace and Frankie clearly put their own stamp on the place over the years (Frankie even has an art studio) and feel comfortable there.

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There's also that their houses were the sort of formal places hard-charging lawyers could entertain in, and neither Frankie nor Grace strike me as really feeling the need to keep up the same social life they had, even if they could.

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Both couples owned the beach house jointly.  Robert has to buy out Sol if he is got give it to Grace.  Frankie likes the beach house better than her own hippie house with the Yurt in the backyard.

 

I loved the cake that said, "We love our moms" too.

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Speaking as a 49 year old lesbian, who grew up in a conservative town but with enough exposure to the LGBT community that I always knew there was a world to belong to outside the rejecting conservative mainstream, I find this show really speaks to me from all sides of its central conflict.

 

The unimaginable betrayal of being lied to so deeply for 20 years is just... it's crushing. So my sympathies are with Frankie and Grace. Profoundly so.

 

At the same time, I 100% get why Robert and Sol were not up to the task of coming out 20 years ago, and why they would make the choices they made along the way. And why now, when the tide has turned so dramatically and they could actually GET MARRIED and live fairly openly they would find that pull of that irresistible and gleefully freeing. So I profoundly identify with them, too, even while I find their behavior devastating and horrible from the other point of view.

 

And then the kids-- they are dealing with drama from their parents, are being asked to celebrate and support their dads while simultaneously sympathizing with and supporting their moms, and are completely caught up in a situation that leaves them no guidelines and no clean options. And because they are adults, the parents are not trying to shield them from the details or help them deal with it but are in fact leaning on them and not really making any attempt to consider their feelings. There's no one for the kids to complain to or seek support from except each other, but the kids also have their own weird transition to make into being step-siblings and none of them really have a clue how to handle the mess, so it's just... messy and baffling. I can sympathize with them, as well, and I think there is a lot of potential for them to be interesting if the show decides to give them more development over time.

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I really also appreciate the kids relationships to one another.  I like that we are shown that they have grown up as friends and even have a "cousins" relationship with one another.  Even more so as we later find out. 

 

It definitely helps their journey and transition that they have each other as well. 

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I loved when the kids stood up for themselves, starting with Coyote's "This is Mom's favorite." And Mallory telling the dads that they (the dads) don't get to tell them how to feel and act.

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I really also appreciate the kids relationships to one another.  I like that we are shown that they have grown up as friends and even have a "cousins" relationship with one another.  Even more so as we later find out. 

 

The whole idea of Coyote being in love with someone who's basically his cousin was kind of disturbing to me.

 

As was the revelation that he'd apparently gotten her pregnant.

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The whole idea of Coyote being in love with someone who's basically his cousin was kind of disturbing to me.

 

As was the revelation that he'd apparently gotten her pregnant.

Well to be fair, the kids may have had a crush on each other since they met.  We know that Robert and Sol have been business partners (and more) for at least twenty years but we don't how much longer than that.  Also the kids are all over thirty. 

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And too, we know that neither Grace nor Frankie was thrilled to have to share a house with each other, which makes me wonder how much time they really spent together before they got the house.

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Well to be fair, the kids may have had a crush on each other since they met.  We know that Robert and Sol have been business partners (and more) for at least twenty years but we don't how much longer than that.  Also the kids are all over thirty. 

Do we know for sure the kids are all over 30? I got that impression from the timeframe, but it was never clear to me how old any of them are.

 

I'm pretty sure they've known each other since they were quite little. Brianna said that the first time she threw up somewhere other than her home was in the back seat of Frankie's car, which made it sound like she was probably a small child at the time. And she's presumably older than Mallory and Coyote are.

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Do we know for sure the kids are all over 30? I got that impression from the timeframe, but it was never clear to me how old any of them are.

 

I'm pretty sure they've known each other since they were quite little. Brianna said that the first time she threw up somewhere other than her home was in the back seat of Frankie's car, which made it sound like she was probably a small child at the time. And she's presumably older than Mallory and Coyote are.

Your right that we don't know for sure how old the kids are.  I was actually going by the actors ages.  Brooklyn Decker is in her late 20's but all the other "kids" are in their mid to late 30's.  Usually I would hand wave age away but considering this particular show I am guessing that the characters are supposed to be of similar age to the actor's portraying them.  If both couples have been married for 40 years, I think it would be unusual if most of the kids weren't over thirty. 

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Your right that we don't know for sure how old the kids are.  I was actually going by the actors ages.  Brooklyn Decker is in her late 20's but all the other "kids" are in their mid to late 30's.  Usually I would hand wave age away but considering this particular show I am guessing that the characters are supposed to be of similar age to the actor's portraying them.  If both couples have been married for 40 years, I think it would be unusual if most of the kids weren't over thirty. 

 

My guess is that Brianna and Bud are supposed to be in their late 30s, and Coyote and Mallory are supposed to be in their early-to-mid thirties.

 

It's confusing, because IMO Baron Vaughn looks younger than Ethan Embry, and Ethan Embry looks at least 9 years older than Brooklyn Decker (which is their age difference in real life.)

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(edited)

My guess is that Brianna and Bud are supposed to be in their late 30s, and Coyote and Mallory are supposed to be in their early-to-mid thirties.

 

It's confusing, because IMO Baron Vaughn looks younger than Ethan Embry, and Ethan Embry looks at least 9 years older than Brooklyn Decker (which is their age difference in real life.)

I think your pretty spot on.  My guess is that Ethan, June and Baron are playing some variation of their actual ages somewhere in the mid 30's, while Brooklyn Decker is playing a little older  to match the other actors, and bring her closer to Coyote's age.

Edited by JBC344
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Grace's moment in the grocery store surprised and moved me. And it actually stayed with me -- I found myself thinking about it a day later. 

 

The show is sweet and silly, but every once in awhile it really does hit these resonant moments -- from Grace removing her 'face tightener' in the pilot, to her freakout in the grocery line because the young grocery checker was ignoring them.

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Yeah, I keep getting baffled as to why so many critics are heralding it only as a show for senior citizens. My friends and I are all 30s/40s and are watching the crap out of it. Guess what, studios? The Olds aren't the only people who can find The Olds compelling to watch! (Although of course we are The Olds to a lot of people.)

 

Right??  My bestie and I are in our 30s and we're loving this show!!

 

I am the exact opposite.  I didn't really care for Kimmy Schmdt.  I found it awkward and unfunny at parts but Grace and Frankie clicked for me from the start.  I loved this episode because it brought up the very real question of how the kids on both sides would have reacted with the fathers had left the mothers for women instead of each other.  The kids felt they had to reacted in a certain way because they were gay. 

 

No episode description, but this was the first episode that totally clicked for me.  The show has very strong performers (I have a girlcrush on June Diane Raphael, and she's the best of the kids), but it seemed to be missing something until now.  I think this was the first time the writing nailed both the pathos and the uncomfortable comedy of the situation.

 

It doesn't really have the binge-watch draw of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but it's good enough that I think I'll finish the season.

 

I have found myself wondering what the show would be like if they'd had Fonda and Tomlin switch roles and play against type, but they're both good at their respective type, so that's not a terrible thing.

 

 

Ha- I loved and binged on Kimmy Schmidt....  and now I'm loving and binging on this show. They are definitely different shows, to be clear, but I enjoy both of them immensely. Kimmy is just good, silly, wacky fun.  This show is funny, but it also has real emotional substance.  It has heart. 

 

He lost that hair a long time ago. Even back in Can't Hardly Wait, you could tell that his hairline wasn't in it for the long haul.

 

IIRC, he was quite a bit heavier a few years ago. I was actually surprised by how young and cute he looked here.

 

YES last time I remember seeing a picture of him, he was balding and somewhat fat. I had such a crush on him in Can't Hardly Wait, so I was a little bummed out.  I was very pleased to see him looking so much healthier here in this role.  My crush is back!  

 

One silly question: why are they sharing the beach house? It looks like Sol has moved in with Robert. What's wrong with Frankie's house? As cool as that beach house is, and it is beautiful, I don't know that I would want to live in my ex-husband's love nest over the home I raised my children in.

 

I was wondering the same thing. Wasn't it just the last episode that they made a point of moving Frankie back into her old house and setting her up with food and whatnot?  I thought maybe I'd missed a scene where they explained why she was back at the beach house.  Not that I'm complaining--I love the 2 of them in their "Odd Couple" setup!

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I was wondering the same thing. Wasn't it just the last episode that they made a point of moving Frankie back into her old house and setting her up with food and whatnot?  I thought maybe I'd missed a scene where they explained why she was back at the beach house.  Not that I'm complaining--I love the 2 of them in their "Odd Couple" setup!

That confused me, too. Upon rewatching, it looks like we're supposed to assume that after Grace brought Frankie over to the house she lived in with Sol (this was the second episode), and Frankie was depressed by the reminders of her old life, Grace ended up deciding to invite her back to the beach house.

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Yeah, it is sort of implied that Grace invited her back to the beach house.  After Grace saw how unhinged Frankie was, the implication is that she didn't want to leave her alone.

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Oh sure, Frankie doesn't need to be invited.  Frankie is just in a different place than Grace.  For Grace, the beach house is the only place that she can really go, while Frankie actually still has her house to live in.  At this point both women aren't the best of friends so I don't think it is unreasonable that they share a living space unless it is something both of them agree to. 

  • Love 3
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Considering how the credit card thing worked out, I doubt Sol would have even tried to take the beach house away from Frankie, no matter how badly Grace wanted it to happen.

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Well, I don't know if it comes down to an "invitation" - Sol and Frankie own 50% of the house, whether Grace likes it or not.  Frankie has every right to be there.

The implication, though, was that Grace gave Frankie her blessing to stay there, despite the agreement they'd worked out. When Frankie was struggling with all her memories at her old place, they showed the expression on Grace's face, who appeared to be thinking, "Damn it, I have to ask her if she wants to live in the beach house with me, don't I?"

  • Love 4
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(edited)

I'm re-watching the first season now that I've finished the second, and this is still one of my favorite episodes.

The "can't stop me if they don't see me" joke may be old, but I don't find it played out, and in fact think it's important to keep talking about - and showing - the way older women are dismissed and ignored.  It was a nice moment in general, and specifically as a bonding moment for these two women who are so different.

And the dinner with the kids, oh I love it so.  From beginning to end.  With Brianna rejecting Mallory's scolding that she can no longer just walk in the house and having her "WTF?" reaction to the formal, "Welcome/We're so happy you could come" greeting, it was off to a great start, and then it only got better when everyone arrived: 

-"It's like we have flashed forward five years into the future and everybody's cool with this. ... Would you be cool with it if they'd been cheating with women for the past 20 years? ... Please!  There wouldn't be cake, there'd be blood. Or bullets.  Or something.  For sure, we wouldn't be talking about the chicken."
-Bud talking about all the things he's losing - Jewish Christmas Eve, picketing Wal-Mart, camping - and Brianna saying, "I forgot you all liked each other."
-"I remember my mom - she used to live here."
-Mallory's greatest moment thus far: "I'm sorry, is there some sort of manual that we didn't get that tells us how to act in this situation, because you two seem to be the only ones who know the rules."
-Coyote's response to Sol's admonition the kids should have been honest: "I'm sorry, are you trying to be ironic?"  And Bud's to Sol's declaration that lying makes things worse, as Grace and Frankie have been through enough: "Because of you!  ... And I'm not even allowed to be mad, because you're gay.  If you'd been fucking around with women for the last 20 years, we wouldn't even be here eating cake!"  (Followed by Brianna's, "You say it in there [the kitchen], it comes out here [the dining room]."

"I knew we forgot something - we forgot it was too soon."  Yeah, dumbasses. 

This episode was just what the series needed at the time, but it also holds up as a shining moment out of two seasons' worth.

Edited by Bastet
  • Love 7
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(edited)

I'm going to rewatch this episode based on your brilliant post! Love your moniker too @Bastet. One of my favorite goddesses. 

Edited by AuntieMame
Fat fingered typing.
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2 hours ago, AuntieMame said:

Love your moniker too @Bastet. One of my favorite goddesses. 

Likewise. My rescue cat is a Bombay who was called Venus by her former human (based on the condition she was in and the things she's scared of, I would very much like to have a pointed conversation with her former human) and I thought goddess-wise she looked more like a Bast. So we live with one...

  • Love 2
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I'm a rescuer of cats too @Julia. There are several folks on this earth that I would like to have a pointed conversation with about their treatment of pets. So, I know how you feel. I have two traumatized cats and it has taken years of patient love. There is a house two doors down that seems to be cursed in terms of tenants abandoning animals. More cats than I can count over the years and a dog left in a cage, no food, no water, ankle deep in its own waste. I noticed only because I was chasing one of our cats who was out on an unauthorized mosey. When I approached she wagged and licked my hand. It broke my heart and I'm a little afraid of dogs usually. I found her a good home after I got her well. Sorry, tmi, your post just reminded me of people I would like to have a chat with....possibly with pointed objects.

  • Love 5
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Seven seasons later, and this is still one of my favorite episodes.  The kids' comments at dinner about how it's like they've flashed forward five years where everyone is fine with Robert and Sol, while they'd never be expected to respond that way if the dads been fucking around with women for 20 years, was so necessary and really great to get in the third episode.

Grace and Frankie feeling old and irrelevant, and outright invisible at the grocery store, was very well done.

I crack up at the opening scene, where we just hear Grace's side of a phone call, yet can totally imagine how Marge is responding:

Listen, I can't do the silent auction.
Because it's being sponsored by the law firm.
Well, because Robert is divorcing me.
Because he is a homosexual.
With Sol.
Yes, that Sol.
Yeah, you better go ahead and get that.
Okay, bye Marge.

  • Love 3
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