S04.E11: Steven & Samm

[Tara Ariano]

A young man plans to move to California after high-school graduation to be near his online love. His mother is skeptical of the situation, however, and asks Nev and Max to investigate.

[Judois]

Oof. The old "I like you as a friend". On national TV. Thanks,mom.

[GaT]

So we finally get someone who turns out to be exactly who they say they are & they look exactly like their pictures, & they friendzone the person. So is that the lesson? Only liars will want to be your romantic partner?

 

Having your mom on Catfish, yikes.

 

edited because find & finally are not the same thing.

Edited May 7, 2015 by GaT

[marny]

The lesson is: if all you do is text back and forth, it's not an actual relationship.  I was impressed that someone on this show (Samm) understood that.

[EDTV]

Felt bad for the guy but he came on wayyyy too strong. It was as if he had never seen a pretty girl before. He seemed normal and handsome and athletic, kind of odd that he was also so desperate at such a young age.

 

Samm was right, he seemed to want a marriage commitment right after meeting her...lol. But those are the nice guys that many of these pretty girls will be wishing for later on in life... but when they have them they push them away. 

 

and yea the whole mama's boy thing probably didn't help his chances...

Edited May 7, 2015 by EDTV

[leighdear]

We don't really know how much they talked about their future together.  Steven seemed to take it for granted, but Samm didn't seem like she was aware of his "Move to California, move IN with her and take care of her forever" plan.  She said straight off that she planned to wrestle in college.  To me, that didn't indicate any desire to instantly shack-up and start pumping out little wrestling babies. 

 

Steven seemed very unfocused and directionless.  I really did like his mom, Aurora. She seemed to realize his crush was a fairly juvenile fantasy & was just going to let it run it's course.

 

I missed the post-show wrap up.  Did it say if they're still in contact?

[poeticlicensed]

That was the most boring Catfish episode ever. Boy meets girl online. Mom is concerned, calls the catfish detectives, Nev and Max. Investigation yields..not much. Boy meets girl. Girl is exactly who she said she was. Girl immediately places boy in the friend zone. Snore...I didn't even bother with the after show. It was likely more of the same.

[EDTV]

That was the most boring Catfish episode ever. Boy meets girl online. Mom is concerned, calls the catfish detectives, Nev and Max. Investigation yields..not much. Boy meets girl. Girl is exactly who she said she was. Girl immediately places boy in the friend zone. Snore...I didn't even bother with the after show. It was likely more of the same.

i actually thought it was one of the more interesting episodes .

 

Two normal, seemingly compatible people both wrestlers (what are the odds), but when they met she didn't feel the same toward him... it explored another side of it instead of the usual fat girl pretending to be a pretty girl.

[Racj82]

That was the most boring Catfish episode ever. Boy meets girl online. Mom is concerned, calls the catfish detectives, Nev and Max. Investigation yields..not much. Boy meets girl. Girl is exactly who she said she was. Girl immediately places boy in the friend zone. Snore...I didn't even bother with the after show. It was likely more of the same.

I don't agree with what you said but I'll add that Charlemagne the God was hilarious on Chatfish.

 

No matter what's going on, I always hate to see someone get friendzoned. It's not always malicious. I have more of a problem who throw the just friends line you and then slowly (or abruptly) just stop talking to you. I've been friendzoned many times before (being a nice guy does suck in many ways) but what always hurt me if the girl/woman not even really meaning that. It's just their standard go to "let em down easy" quote. It's liked getting rejected twice in those cases. At least Samm seemed to genuinely mean what she said because they are still friends and talk everyday.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Racj82

[LoneHaranguer]

What was it about Samm's name the guys didn't like? I presume her given name is Samantha, but she doesn't want to be that formal, or as informal as Sammi(e).

[truebluesmoky]

I think it's that Samantha normally shortens to Sam, not Samm.

[Primetimer]

Steven's mother is concerned that he's pinning all his romantic hopes on a girl he's never met, so she's written in to Catfish on his behalf. And you thought yours was embarrassing when she wrote little notes on your lunch bag!

Read the story

[LoneHaranguer]

 

I think it's that Samantha normally shortens to Sam, not Samm.

Since some people are going to assume that a wrestler named Sam is male, it shouldn't be remarkable than she's using the less common, but more gender-specific, variation (even if the guy's hadn't seen it before).

[OrientalAmish]

Aurora = Helicopter parent

I can understand why it may seem a little fucked up for Samm to not tell Steven about seeing someone IRL, but @ the same time, they were just "talking" via text/online.... She should have @ least told Steven about it....It seems like he probably still might decide to text her after the fact....

 

EDITED because I changed my opinion about thinking that Samm mostly didn't want a relationship with Steven because it was mostly his looks.... I can see now that it was because he came on strong, but his looks didn't really help that much.... 

Edited May 7, 2015 by OrientalAmish

[OrientalAmish]

Two normal, seemingly compatible people both wrestlers (what are the odds), but when they met she didn't feel the same toward him... it explored another side of it instead of the usual fat girl pretending to be a pretty girl.

 

Another lesson to be learned, just because you are both wrestlers, it doesn't guarantee true love....

[EDTV]

Aurora = Helicopter parent

I can understand why it may seem a little fucked up for Samm to not tell Steven about seeing someone IRL, but @ the same time, they were just "talking" via text/online.... She should have @ least told Steven about it....It seems like he probably still might decide to text her after the fact....

 

EDITED because I changed my opinion about thinking that Samm mostly didn't want a relationship with Steven because it was mostly his looks.... I can see now that it was because he came on strong, but his looks didn't really help that much.... 

i dont think it was looks, he wasn't a bad looking guy unless she's just extremely picky, but he looked like his pictures and that was good enough for her apparently to want to meet him.

 

I think he came on way too strong and the whole mama's boy thing was probably a turn off. Also the fact that he had planned out their life before they even met probably freaked her out.

 

Also I read that she was the one that contacted Catfish, and judging from her attention seeking pictures online, part of me thinks she just went on Catfish for fame.

Edited May 7, 2015 by EDTV

[thefog]

That was the most boring Catfish episode ever. Boy meets girl online. Mom is concerned, calls the catfish detectives, Nev and Max. Investigation yields..not much. Boy meets girl. Girl is exactly who she said she was. Girl immediately places boy in the friend zone. Snore...I didn't even bother with the after show. It was likely more of the same.

I actually saw this as one of the more interesting episodes.  The twist was that there was no twist.  It's rare that anyone on the show has turned out to be who they claim.  It also shows that in person chemistry is often different than on-line chemistry.

[jmonkey]

I really liked this episode. Steven's mom is cool and he's a nice kid, but he seemed slightly delusional, immature, and naive to me. He was so gung ho and ready to move to California and wife Samm up and take care of her without even meeting her first. Samm seemed more interested in wrestling than any kind of relationship. I didn't understand why he wasn't more cautious given that he had been "catfished" previously. There's no doubt that he fell hard for Samm, and I'm really glad for him that she turned out to be real and not a dude or a hideous girl, fat girl, or a chick with a penis. He would've cried like a baby into his mother's arms if that would've happened. However, I think Steven would've been fine if the girl would've been Jasmine (the girl Samm shared a phone with) instead. She was beautiful just like Samm, and deceit is fine on Catfish as long as the one who is lying or withholding information is hot. BTW it's incredibly sad the negative way some girls talk about themselves on social media.

 

I liked Samm. I think she looks like a future porn star, and I mean that as a compliment. It seems like Steven, while sweet, suffocated Samm, and I can understand her not wanting to tell Steven that she was seeing other guys because she knew he would be hurt given that he had already planned out a life together. But IMO, at 18, people should feel free to date a bunch of people simultaneously and get to know what they like and don't like in potential partners. Samm is attractive, so, of course, she's going to go out with other guys and she has every right to do that without worrying about an online relationship. The problem is it's so easy to be there for someone else online and virtual feelings can escalate so quickly that it can feel real and get to the point of no return. One of the people can take the words more seriously than the other person who might just be playing along. I don't think online relationships should ever substitute real life experiences, and you need to be in the physical presence of someone to detect true feelings and chemistry.

 

Based on the update at the end that revealed that Samm was going to visit Steven for 6 days, I wouldn't close the book on a relationship between them despite the initial lack of chemistry Samm felt for Steven during their first meeting. While he got "friendzoned," if Steven just relaxes and plays it cool, Samm could eventually fall for him too. They already share a common interest in wrestling, and Steven could eventually grow on her. I think anybody on this show is a famewhore, so I wouldn't hold that against Samm or anyone else. Nev and Max are cool guys. I don't blame anyone for wanting to hang out with them. The fact that Samm and Steven still talk all the time and have plans to see each other suggest that this is an actual friendship and a rare happy ending for this craptacular show.

Edited May 7, 2015 by jmonkey

[possibilities]

I can't really fault an 18 year old for not wanting to make a lifetime commitment, especially to someone she only met in person the very minute he asked her. I think it's a little shady that he apparently ASKED her if there were other guys when they were texting, and she said no, when that wasn't the case. But she came clean without being caught first, and while she was still apparently interested in him romantically, so again: teenagers and LDR-via-text-- I can get over it. I actually thought she was really grounded and sensible to say she wanted to go to college, and pursue her career. Steven was facing the loss of his wresting dream due to an injury caused by an impulsive act of punching a locker after failing a class... he has some things to work on (anger management, academics, career goals), and maybe Samm was the one thing in his life that was fun, easy, and made him feel good, so he was putting too much focus on that.

 

I thought in Chatfish, he was kind of right when he said he'd never really been in love with Samm-- he didn't know her, he was in love with an idea he had. He may have said it to save face, but it's also possible he had some insight into his issues and was not quite glib enough to express it well under pressure, with Charlemagne in particular chasing his ass to get him to confess a humiliating on-going unrequited crush.

 

When they asked Aurora if she had a man in her life and she said she couldn't say, I wondered if she also had online relationships, or maybe she's seeing a woman (they did specifically ask about a man) and didn't want to come out on TV.

 

I liked that Nev answered yes to an audience question about being surprised that people were "still getting catfished" when "it's so easy" to verify identity.

[Cosmic Muffin]

Hey, both of these people turned out to be who they said they were (although one of them needs to get some distance from his mother), and there was no random baby getting mysteriously passed around. And no one got kidnapped! Or, "kidnapped". And there was Charlemagne. So, a good episode I think.

[Neurochick]

So we finally get someone who turns out to be exactly who they say they are & they look exactly like their pictures, & they friendzone the person. So is that the lesson? Only liars will want to be your romantic partner?

Having your mom on Catfish, yikes.

edited because find & finally are not the same thing.

I think it means that sane, healthy people don't just fall head over heels in love with someone they don't know.

[AlliMo]

Ugh. The only people who even use the term "friend zoned" with any seriousness are the kind of people who pretend to be someone's friend just so they can get in their pants. Nobody owes you a relationship just because they carry on a conversation with you. It's a red flag of immaturity.

[cheatincheetos]

Aurora = Helicopter parent

Yes. It felt like one of the Simpsons episodes where Marge hovers in Bart's life a little too much.

[DiabLOL]

I'm surprised to find that this is the only "real" Catfish I've ever seen. This is the only episode I've seen where they were who they said they were and looked the way they did in their photos and not the usual messed up liars and willing victims. The way Samm described how different it was to actually be in front of Steven and how they were actually strangers even though they'd been texting daily for months really felt profoundly accurate to me. 

 

Having said that, man, Aurora needs to back off. She's obviously helicoptering because of Steven's issues. The broken rage punch induced hand, the depression and who knows what other problems got her so worried. HOWEVER you don't go along on the meetup and micromanage what his emotional process should be! He's 18 not 8! He's going to have to learn on his own and get hurt along the way and yes it's great if he comes to you for advice and an ear and all that but come on. If I'd been Samm I would have gone screaming into the night about the Momma's boy trying to fast track our relationship in my garage. On TV.

 

I really liked and respected Samm a lot. She had so much composure and self-awareness and knew exactly what she should be doing and the feelings get messy and she DID cry so she's not some sociopath but he was way pushy and it really really aggravated me that all that he could say to her over and over was how hot she was. Shut up dude.  How about learn to talk to a hot chick like she's an actual human being instead of constantly tripping over your tongue? It's not the same as when you know a person inside and out and think wow they're beautiful. Plus, I think due to some of the things she's angsted about online about her appearance and the extreme cosmetics she uses, she probably does have issues about her appearance so maybe it grated on her that he was so focussed on just that. He sounded dumb and superficial. 

 

Also, sometimes a woman will try to let a guy down nicely because they don't want to hurt his feelings and other times, they're afraid they'll get killed or injured or stalked. I'm not saying it's effective in all cases. I happen to believe in the rip the bandage off quickly technique myself (hard earned opinion btw)

[shady lane]

Steven is the second young guy we've seen this season who is planning to establish a life/marriage/family around a girl he's been chatting to online (Felipe being the other). Steven wants to move to CA, get a job and support Samm through college, while Felipe was planning to move Jasmine to his town so he could build a family home on that plot of land.  I don't know if this is a regional thing - both guys are from Texas - but honestly they need to sort out their own education and job situations before running after every hottie with a Twitter account.

 

Had I met a guy like that when I was 18, I would have RUN FOR THE HILLS! Samm is a pretty, talented girl planning to play sports in college. Why would she settle down to be someone's wifey before she even graduates from high school? Good for her being honest, and shame on Steven for his reaction with Nev and Max trying to make it seem that she just totally blew him off - "She said she doesn't need me at all" um no she didn't.

[leighdear]

I don't think Aurora was a complete helicopter parent.  Steven was barely 18 and had just graduated from High School.  I don't know many parents of kids that age that would be cool with their kid just flying off to California with 2 older guys to check out some random girl from the Internet.  Steven was barely a legal adult.  It's not like he was some 26 year-old slacker that refused to leave home without mommy.  I think Aurora was right to go. 

[Neurochick]

I was upset with Max and Nev.  I wanted them to tell Steven that most people don't see someone across a crowded room and instantly fall in love.  That many relationships begin with people being friends, that Steven really didn't know Samm.  A relationship on Twitter isn't a real relationship IMO.  

 

About twenty years ago, I had an email pen pal who lived on the other side of the world.  We emailed each other every day.  This was before Facebook and Twitter and Skype, so we never knew what the other person looked like.  Eventually we met in the winter of 1995.  We did like each other, but he looked older than I'd imagined and I looked younger than he'd imagined.  We did sort of hit it off, but I knew that he didn't want to get married again, he was divorced with two children  and he knew I wasn't willing to quit my job and live with him on the other side of the world, with no marriage .  We hung out for a bit and then went our separate ways, we sort of kept in touch with each other, but never saw each other again, as he died last year.  

 

My point is, when you actually meet, reality sets in and a lot of times things don't work out because, well that's life.  

[EDTV]

I do think Samm was a bit stand-offish though.

 

As soon as she met him she seemed distant and immediately started saying she didn't want a relationship... completely different from her online vibe. Sure she was right that they didn't REALLY know each other and shouldn't rush it, but it just seemed odd that she would say that within minutes of meeting him... maybe she didn't like his looks, but he did look like his pix so... idk?

 

I think she just wanted the publicity and never had any real intention to try a relationship with him. She kinda led him on, even in the after show she kept talking about "you never know what can happen"... dangling the carrot in front of a guy who clearly wants more than a friendship.

 

and my god, did she really have to be half naked at the diner when she "friend zoned" him?...lol...poor guy!

[LoneHaranguer]

 

I'm surprised to find that this is the only "real" Catfish I've ever seen.

The first time they did this it was back in S2, but the episode has been rerun so much I'm surprised not everyone has seen it (although I could see the ad for it turning people off).

[DiabLOL]

I was SO annoyed when (I think) Nev told Samm to hug Steven because he was nervous and shaking. So wrong. 

[kitten59]

The thing that bugged me about Samm was the fact that she is the one who contacted the show...then, shows up looking like a blowup doll with 50 pounds of makeup on. Who does that!? Oh yeah, someone looking for their pathetic 15 minutes of fame.

[Cosmic Muffin]

I thought Steven's mom contacted the show?

[deSchenke]

I thought Steven's mom contacted the show?

Not according to this.

[Cosmic Muffin]

Not according to this.

Thanks, deSchenke, for clarifying. That does change things. :)

[Kromm]

Yeah, the show totally revised the truth just.... well... just because.  

[gunderda]

I don't believe for a minute that he thought they were "just friends" no matter what she says in these off-show interviews.  I think at that age it's really hard for any person to want to be that close to someone but only as a friend and not in a romantic way.  Unless you grew up with that person. He's probably still wishing and hoping that at some point she'll finally want to put a label on them.  

[marylennox]

Felt bad for the guy but he came on wayyyy too strong. It was as if he had never seen a pretty girl before. He seemed normal and handsome and athletic, kind of odd that he was also so desperate at such a young age.

 

Samm was right, he seemed to want a marriage commitment right after meeting her...lol. But those are the nice guys that many of these pretty girls will be wishing for later on in life... but when they have them they push them away. 

 

and yea the whole mama's boy thing probably didn't help his chances...

 

*tips Nice Guy Fedora*

[BubblingKettle]

Steven seemed like a frail young man....with lots of red flags that indicated he needs some professional counseling.  At 18, he had no goals of his own. The mention of enlisting in the Navy was hopeful -- but, he ditched that idea to pine over a girl on Twitter.  Hopefully, his mom encourages him to get behavioral health, because playing around with Nev and Max wasn't a solution to that young man's struggles.

 

Samm seemed to have a bit more balance in her life; she spoke of going to college and hopes of a coaching career. I still think the "Jasmine" facet of the story (shared phone, possibly linked Twitter account) is fishy.  When they were all standing in her garage and Max asked about "Jasmine," she didn't give much of an answer.

[ghoulina]

As soon as she met him she seemed distant and immediately started saying she didn't want a relationship... completely different from her online vibe. Sure she was right that they didn't REALLY know each other and shouldn't rush it, but it just seemed odd that she would say that within minutes of meeting him... maybe she didn't like his looks, but he did look like his pix so... idk?

I think she just wanted the publicity and never had any real intention to try a relationship with him. She kinda led him on, even in the after show she kept talking about "you never know what can happen"... dangling the carrot in front of a guy who clearly wants more than a friendship.

 

I do think you're probably right about the publicity. Also, Samm just struck me as one of those girls who loves to be flattered and given attention by guys, but doesn't necessarily want anything concrete. The fact that she was posting all kinds of "poor, pitiful me" things on her Twitter AND talking to several other guys led me to believe this. I don't think she would have EVER wanted to meet Steven if it weren't going to get her mug on camera.