S05.E03: Old Wounds

[MissMel]

Lots of parents/families indulge younger members and their children. My parents, aunts and uncles would always just give us money just because. This continued until they were no longer with us. And now I do it for the kids in the family.  I can't find fault if Ryan gets money from his mom if that is the case. I am not a Ryan sympathizer, just believe in being fair or at least consider more than one option. He is no better or worse than Maci.

I get this. *Giving* money is one thing, we do that too. It's an adult *asking*, specifically for gas,-not food or rent or utilities- that I side eye.

I still stand by my observation. The shift in Ryan, his parents, his child's interactions just seems to me that something else is going on behind the scenes, so to speak. I apologize for mentioning it though.

[Maharincess]

I get this. *Giving* money is one thing, we do that too. It's an adult *asking*, specifically for gas,-not food or rent or utilities- that I side eye.

I still stand by my observation. The shift in Ryan, his parents, his child's interactions just seems to me that something else is going on behind the scenes, so to speak. I apologize for mentioning it though.

I agree. I have been thinking since the season started that something isn't right. His eyes look just like my brother's eyes after he's been awake for a couple of days.

[GreatKazu]

It seems there is a lot of enabling in the household that Ryan grew up in. It sounds like the dad (what is his name?) is annoyed with it, but not enough to put his foot down with it. It also seems Ryan's mother gives in to Ryan such as giving him money here and there. If Ryan's parents are not on the same page, then nothing will change because Ryan knows which parent will indulge him.

 

I can't make heads or tails with what is going on in Ryan's head. I can't say for sure he does any drugs. I can't say for sure he is lazy since there is not enough footage of him, for me, to give an opinion on. I do feel he doesn't come off too enthusiastic when it comes for his days to be with Bentley, but there have been scenes where he was happy to be around Bentley. I am just confused with the guy.

[PinkSprinkles]

It was mentioned in one of the one-off specials by Maci, I believe, that Ryan has always dealt with insomnia. That's why we see him yawning all the time. 

[MyPeopleAreNordic]

I wonder if Ryan doesn't also suffer from (untreated) clinical depression. With a few guys I know, their depression outwardly manifested as anger. Once they were on antidepressants, their attitudes and anger issues were SO much better and they were much more pleasant to deal with. Depression can also cause sleep issues (like insomnia) as well as making you feel perpetually tired.

[Maharincess]

Sometimes people are just assholes. There's not always a diagnosis of anything. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.

[GreatKazu]

It was mentioned in one of the one-off specials by Maci, I believe, that Ryan has always dealt with insomnia. That's why we see him yawning all the time. 

I wouldn't know that because I never watched any of the Maci specials. Boring.

[RedKoolAide]

Ryan does often look tired and is irritable a lot. Insomnia could be why. But I think one of Ryan's biggest issues is that when he looks at Bentley he sees Maci's mini-me. Bentley is a reminder that he was too stupid to wear a condom and now has to deal with Maci for 13-17 more years. This is why if you don't see a future with a person, always, ALWAYS use protection. Ryan can really only blame himself.

[Darknight]

Ryan does often look tired and is irritable a lot. Insomnia could be why. But I think one of Ryan's biggest issues is that when he looks at Bentley he sees Maci's mini-me. Bentley is a reminder that he was too stupid to wear a condom and now has to deal with Maci for 13-17 more years. This is why if you don't see a future with a person, always, ALWAYS use protection. Ryan can really only blame himself.

Not 13-17 more years, but for life. When you create a child with someone you're with that person for life until you die. So for the rest of his life Ryan is going to have to deal with Maci. I blame Maci as well as Ryan. They both had unprotected sex and were stupid to not consider the outcome

[jacksgirl]

Finally got to watch. First- Tyler do you think that looking at the camera and telling birthparents to carefully pick the "right couple" to adopt their biological baby is a good idea knowing BrandonandTeresa will hear/see this? Second- Maci you are plugged into your cell phone 20 hours a day, you should have texted Ryan and said you were there. That being said, he was a huge jerk for being later and not calling/texting. Third- Amber, I teach kindergarten, we deal with kids who are sleepy all of the time. Gary and Kristina are right, she needs a consistent nightly routine and bedtime. If you can't follow Gary's requests, you don't get Leah on school nights. Last- Sad Panda- What the hell? You give Amber a pass for not going to 12 Step Meetings because people in the midwest are judgemental? You are a bigger fool than I thought. Shame on you for making that incorrect generalization, you should know better. Way to give her an out for not doing what I understand to be vital in maintaining sobriety.

[configdotsys]

Ryan is a pecker gnat.

 

Dear MTV: Please keep the She Hulk with Benefits off my TV. kthxbye

 

Amber is scary. At some point she is really going to blow.

 

So interesting to see the tide turning on Tyler. For a long time he was the golden boy of this show and now he's just a douche. The previews for next week show him fat shaming Catelynn again and that makes him such an asshole.

 

Maci has known Ryan for how long now? And she thinks if they just sit down and "communicate" then things will get better? She's a naive fool. Ryan hasn't changed a bit since the 16 and P episode. She was stupid to wait for him.  His lateness was a kick in the face to her and is consistent with his whole "Whatever it is you want, I am going to do the opposite just to piss you off..." attitude that he has. So what does she do? She waits for him and buys him a pizza. And what does he do? Shows up and acts like a total douche. She should drop Bentley off at the grandparents home whenever the visiting time is and let Ryan pick him up there instead of dealing with this same old bullshit time and again. 

[DangerousMinds]

Not 13-17 more years, but for life. When you create a child with someone you're with that person for life until you die. So for the rest of his life Ryan is going to have to deal with Maci. I blame Maci as well as Ryan. They both had unprotected sex and were stupid to not consider the outcome

I can understand why 16-year old Maci may have been interested and attracted to 20-year old Ryan, but him being stupid enough to go after an underage high school kid? Not cool.

[configdotsys]

Not 13-17 more years, but for life. When you create a child with someone you're with that person for life until you die. So for the rest of his life Ryan is going to have to deal with Maci. I blame Maci as well as Ryan. They both had unprotected sex and were stupid to not consider the outcome

I think when people use the 18 years thing it certainly does not mean that parents are going to disappear. It's more a matter of once the kid is 18, they will be mobile and move from place to place by themselves. Obviously during the early years, drop offs and arrangements have to be made, hence all the contact that's required between people who hate each other and just cannot get along. That dissipates significantly once the kid gets older and is more mobile. At that point, the parents do not have to see each other except at milestone events and they can keep their distance. 

[Darknight]

I can understand why 16-year old Maci may have been interested and attracted to 20-year old Ryan, but him being stupid enough to go after an underage high school kid? Not cool.

It's more common than you think. I'm surprised her parents didn't know she slept with a 20 yo. I don't understand what a 20 yo sees in a 16yo junior/senior/sophomore in high school.

[DoctorWhovian]

I had no idea Ryan was 20 when he and Maci had Bentley! So is he now 25? That makes his behavior even worse!

[NikSac]

Not 13-17 more years, but for life. When you create a child with someone you're with that person for life until you die. So for the rest of his life Ryan is going to have to deal with Maci. I blame Maci as well as Ryan. They both had unprotected sex and were stupid to not consider the outcome

 

This!  I think it's ridiculous how people pretend that it's only until age 18. It's for life. Every freaking holiday/family event for life is going to be difficult after that. Drives me nuts that people pretend that isn't the case. I blame them both as well.

[qtpye]

 

It is funny to watch how bad the edit is for Tyler now. He really got the "aw, shucks" edit of this show and as far as Dads/Boyfriends/Exs went, he was the only one on this version of this show who was always edited to be sweet and golden.Even during that one season where Catelynn said she had hooked up with an ex while she lived in Florida (and this had happened YEARS AND YEARS ago) and he was mean to her, he still got a really good edit. But then that "Being"special happened and it seemed like all bets were off. This show is REALLY going out to show us everything that could make us dislike him. Who did he make angry at MTV? I just can't get over his justification that B&T should have known that their daughter would be on tv because they agreed to do a episode of a tv show with the teenage couple whose baby they were adopting. I mean, like Catelynn said "maybe they didn't know it would be years".. which.. yes. They probably didn't.

 

 

I know these reality show people manipulate there audiences heavily, but it could be just a sad fact that Tyler has changed.   As you said, he was the golden boy of the series for a long time.   Many people put him up on a pedestal and he seems addicted to the fame.   This type of exposure can have profound changes on someone's personality and outlook. 

 

Tyler knew what he was saying made no sense.  He was being selfish in the moment and not considering Carly's well being.  I hope this show gives him a reality check, because he needs to get away from the cameras and concentrate on building a stable life for himself and his young family.

[zenme]

I'm going to venture a guess and say that Maci knew she should've called Ryan when she got to the gas station. It seemed to me that Ryan was ticked off that she didn't call him. They agreed to 1:30 but since Ryan lives next to the gas station maybe Maci usually calls him, and then he comes to get Bentley. How hard is it to call or text to let him know ur there, and then if he doesn't show up you leave? I think Maci purposely didn't call Ryan so the viewing public could be Team Maci.

[Maharincess]

I don't think Maci should have called. How hard is it to walk your lazy ass outside at the already pre arranged time? They agreed on 1:30, when that time came Ryan should have been there like Maci was.

[Granimal]

I can't put this in quotes because it's too many comments. I don't care about what miscommunication happened between Ryan and Maci. I don't care if she's always late. He should never under any circumstances call her names ever. Even if she's dead wrong.

 

THIS. It's not Maci's fault if Ryan calls her names. It's not Maci's fault if Ryan is late. I don't want to go through a long list of assumptions to turn everything into Maci's fault. I am in no-way a Maci fan, but I find this so disturbing. I am sure that both Maci and Ryan make mistakes. In no way is Maci a saint, but there is no justification for speaking to someone the way Ryan spoke to her- particularly in a relatively benign moment! Notice how Ryan's dad asked Bentley if Ryan didn't show up. I'm sure this isn't the first time. Even Bentley said, "He's always late." But I'm sure that Bentley was just told by Maci to say that. And yes, on reality TV no one ever has a phone call off of speakerphone (notice Ryan had her on speaker as well). This us most likely covered in their contracts. 

 

Tyler and Caitlyn have such an unhealthy relationship. I'm sure its much worse than we know.

 

Leah is smart despite the odds. I hate the way she is already hiding her feelings to spare other people. A 5-year-old should not grow up like this.

[GreatKazu]

Ryan has been one to call Maci names since the beginning of this show. She has asked him repeatedly to not do it, but he continues. I appreciate that Maci is in therapy. I am hoping this topic is covered and that something would be done about it. I would hope the therapist would refer them to some kind of counseling on how to parent and how to be respectful to each other as parents. Ryan has to learn that this name-calling is horrible and his son will be affected by it.

[Cosmocrush]

Well if that's what he needs to feel better about his life then he should seriously consider some serious counseling. Again. More counseling! Because he is still a disaster.

All these people could benefit from some counseling (and a job) -  especially Amber.  But  I was glad to see that Maci actually seems to be seeing a therapist from time to time.   

 

Also, what the heck was hot 20 year old Ryan doing with 16 year old Maci? Look, I definitely don't think 4 years is a big age difference in relationships. But someone 29 probably has something more in common with someone who is 25 than a 20 year old working high school grad has in common with 16 year old high school student Maci. Something tells me 20 year old Ryan, hot as he was, couldn't find 20 year old women who would put up with his crap, so he went after the younger Maci.

If I remember correctly from 16 & Pregnant,  they met racing dirt bikes or motorcross or something like that - and it appeared to be something they did like every weekend.

 

I felt so sad when Leah said her favorite part of school is eating. I looked at Jabba the Hut Gary, and I feel really bad for Leah. I doubt they're serving her salad at home. Poor kid. 

In another episode little Leah Lean proudly described herself as an "eater."   I felt bad for her too. 

 

 

Amber is a jerk, but Gary baits her by asking if she can pack her own daughter a lunch for school. He likes to get her worked up, and flirt with her to confuse her and keep her as a backup plan. Gary is a douche. If Leah is getting to bed on time, its because of Gary's girlfriend, if the scenes in the show are anything to go by. How Gary keeps getting a girlfriend is beyond me. Also, I think Gary emphasizing the schedule is more about sticking it to Amber than caring about whether his daughter is getting enough sleep.

Exactly.  He seems to love to stick it to Amber.  And Leah wasn't on a schedule - Kristina was the one to who told Gary that Leah fell asleep in school and suggested a schedule so Gary agreed they should start putting her on one and by they I'm sure he meant Kristina.

 

Amber certainly hasn't been much of a mother to Leah but  I suspect where Leah is concerned it's Gary's mother and girlfriend that do all of the heavy lifting while Gary excuses himself from the table to "go sit my recliner and watch TV".  HOW Gary finds these seemingly decent girlfriends is big mystery to me (does he even have a job?) but for Leah's sake I'm glad he did.

 

If Amber doesn't get into some kind of therapy or 12 Step or both soon though I fear for her sobriety.  Seems like she's just asking for a relapse. 

Edited April 13, 2015 by Cosmocrush

[kira28]

 

Exactly.  He seems to love to stick it to Amber.  And Leah wasn't on a schedule - Kristina was the one to who told Gary that Leah fell asleep in school and suggested a schedule so Gary agreed they should start putting her on one and by they I'm sure he meant Kristina.

I agree that he probably expected Kristina to do most of the work.  However Leah wasn't on a schedule yet because she had JUST started school. she was maybe going for a week before the teacher said she was falling asleep. That is when Gary and Kristina realized she needed  to be on a schedule.  Amber isn't responsible. She wants what she wants when she wants it and that is dangerous for an addict. She should have Leah's best interests at heart. She doesn't work so there is no reason she can't pick Leah up at school twice a week or something and return her home by 6:30 or so.    But its all about Amber and what she wants, not what is best for Leah. And of course Leah wants to see mommy. Mommy doesn't make her do homework,  Amber takes her to the park and to get ice cream, probably lets her stay up as  late as she wants. Amber is the fun parent. Gary (and Kristina) is the one who has to create rules and structure.

[Tatum]

I agree that he probably expected Kristina to do most of the work.  However Leah wasn't on a schedule yet because she had JUST started school. she was maybe going for a week before the teacher said she was falling asleep. That is when Gary and Kristina realized she needed  to be on a schedule.  Amber isn't responsible. She wants what she wants when she wants it and that is dangerous for an addict. She should have Leah's best interests at heart. She doesn't work so there is no reason she can't pick Leah up at school twice a week or something and return her home by 6:30 or so.    But its all about Amber and what she wants, not what is best for Leah. And of course Leah wants to see mommy. Mommy doesn't make her do homework,  Amber takes her to the park and to get ice cream, probably lets her stay up as  late as she wants. Amber is the fun parent. Gary (and Kristina) is the one who has to create rules and structure.

 

Agree so much with this. I was infuriated when Amber was bitching to the producer about how Gary was saying she was a bad mom, when she was in fact, an "amazing" mom. First off, Gary never said she was a bad mom. He might have implied that Amber was unprepared to take Leah overnight and get her to school with everything she needed, but that is not the same as being a "bad" mom. Second, in no circumstances should anyone declare herself (or himself) an amazing parent. I know a lot of amazing moms (and dads) and none of them would have referred to themselves that way. It just irks me. Second, what makes you so "amazing", Amber? The fact that Leah loves to see you? Well, as pointed out above, you pick her up (when it's convenient for you, so you're never tired, stressed, sick, busy trying to work from home/study/make dinner/clean house on Leah's time), you buy her ice cream, you take her to the park, buy her toys, have no real set of rules- of course she loves being with you. You do about 5% of the total parenting, and it's the fun 5%. We would all be awesome parents if we only had to do it a couple hours a few times a week and had no other commitments to juggle.

[ghoulina]

I don't think Maci should have called. How hard is it to walk your lazy ass outside at the already pre arranged time? They agreed on 1:30, when that time came Ryan should have been there like Maci was.

 

Agreed. And I actually bet that Maci avoids contacting Ryan as much as possible,because it never ends well. You can't win with Ryan. If she would have called to let him know they were there, I could just see him saying - "Damn, Maci. I know! I'm on my way right now. Quit nagging me, you're so stupid". 

[GreatKazu]

All these people could benefit from some counseling (and a job) -  especially Amber.  But  I was glad to see that Maci actually seems to be seeing a therapist from time to time.   

 

Exactly.  He seems to love to stick it to Amber.  And Leah wasn't on a schedule - Kristina was the one to who told Gary that Leah fell asleep in school and suggested a schedule so Gary agreed they should start putting her on one and by they I'm sure he meant Kristina.

 

. 

Except school had just started. It wasn't even the first week when it came to the attention of Kristina that Leah was falling asleep in class. That is when the discussion of a schedule came to be.  It was also mentioned Amber had Leah over and kept her up past her regular sleep time. I assume that meant regardless of school, Gary and Kristina have a bed time for Leah. It doesn't seem far-fetched that Amber would keep Leah up late since Amber has nothing else going on in her life. With what little time she has Leah, it could also be that she was enjoying her daughter's company and just looked past the fact it was late.

[jumper sage]

Caitlyn and Tyler - That was some crazy shit on this episode.  Caitlyn "gets" it and is willing to do or not do whatever Carly's parents want to keep a relationship with her.  Tyler has lost his mind.  Since he has moved out of his mother's house his anger is definitely amped up.  His little rant to adoptive parents was kind of scary.  If I was Carly's parents I might even get a restraining order at that point.  I loved that his mother was telling him to go to school to get a job and then looked into the camera and said, "Sorry MTV this aint it".

 

I don't understand why Tyler does not see that social media is horrible, especially for children.  You can bet that open adoption now includes no social media rules.

 

Ryan and Maci - He is a mess and I blame her parents for allowing a grown man to date their teen.  That said, she is a mess.  Whatever man she is with is the way she acts with her son.  I absolutely hate women that do that.  Be your own person Maci.  I still remember when she took Bently into the bathroom to spank him because he wouldn't act like she wanted with HER friends.  Who does that?

[JellyFishQueen]

This seasons reminds me of the last season of the office when they broke the fourth wall having the produces step behind the camera into front. It's werid... I keep on thinking STAY BACK!

[Meghansmom]

 

If Amber doesn't get into some kind of therapy or 12 Step or both soon though I fear for her sobriety.  Seems like she's just asking for a relapse.

Recovering addict here, she is already in relapse mode.  We (addicts) relapse way before we pick up our substance. 

[fliptopbox]

The way Amber's quick to anger anytime she speaks to Gary makes me think that she hasn't changed at all. She might be clean, but she is definitely in the mindset where picking the drugs back up wouldn't be a big deal. By avoiding therapy, NA, or any kind of program she's basically a ticking time bomb. She can't stay holed up in her house forever.

Also she shouldn't be using the MTV crew and filming to keep herself accountable, considering there's no way they are there 24/7/365....cos we know she really doesn't give much of a shit about her image. If she did she'd have given herself a complete personality overhaul in 'jel'.

[FozzyBear]

I've made no secret of how I feel about Ryan. I find him to be:

1) Incredibly physically attractive (tall, lean, dark-eyed & dark-haired guys are my thing...and if they happen to be going prematurely gray silver foxes, even better)

2) A huge douche- a one man Summer's Eve convention

I hope Shelby is practicing super safe sex with him. I mean I hope she's taking birth control pills (correctly) or has an IUD AND he's wearing a condom every single time they have sex. 'Cause I think it's obvious that Ryan doesn't want a kid & that kids cramp his spoiled, laying in bed, driving his fast car or bike, motocross, self-absorbed lifestyle.

Have we ever seen Ryan be sweet or loving with anyone? With Maci? With his parents? With Dalis or Shelby or any other girl?

Also, what the heck was hot 20 year old Ryan doing with 16 year old Maci? Look, I definitely don't think 4 years is a big age difference in relationships. But someone 29 probably has something more in common with someone who is 25 than a 20 year old working high school grad has in common with 16 year old high school student Maci. Something tells me 20 year old Ryan, hot as he was, couldn't find 20 year old women who would put up with his crap, so he went after the younger Maci.

I think Ryan is kind of a looser and always has been. I know that sounds harsh, but I just think he was sort of an unpopular douchbag even when he and Maci hooked up. Possibly because he's really, really dumb. Maci's friends always seemed super sketchy on him. Like he was this lame older guy still living at home and hanging out at high school parties that they used to make fun of and then Maci got knocked up. Not that I think Maci is a prize, but I sort of think that Ryan was a bit of a joke. Some guy you might hook up with between boyfriends because he was sort of hot and there. Not somebody her friends envied at all.

[wrestlesflamingos]

Pretty much anyone on this show is in the running for Loser of the Year. Mostly the kids.

[starfire]

Tatum, on 09 Apr 2015 - 06:52 AM, said:

I finally watched the epsiode last night, and either Ryan is a way bigger asshole that I originally thought, or the editing team is working overtime to make him seem that way. Even before the drop off incident was baffling. Maci calls Ryan and asks where he'd like her to bring Bentley. Ryan says the gas station. Maci says okay. Ryan asks what time, and Maci gives a time. Ryan says okay. Then Ryan turns to Shelby and says, why is she so difficult? WTF? Um, she called to ask you what would be the most convienent way to hand off Bentley. Ryan tells her what he prefers, Maci says okay and tells him what time to meet her. I can't think of anything Maci could have said that would have made her more agreeable than she was on the phone.

I have noticed Ryan do this type of thing in several episodes. He lies to his friends and family about what Maci has said or done in an apparent attempt to make it appear that she is causing trouble or keeping him from Bentley. I guess he thinks that these lies will make people more sympathetic to him. I can't stand him!

[Emmierose]

I'm re-watching this episode right now and honestly, Gary appears to be psychotic.  While Amber certainly has issues, when she and Gary get into it over Leah spending the night, she really does remain relatively calm and calmly states she needs to get off the phone and then hangs up.  Gary however mimics Amber on the phone and then smiles creepily after the phone call ends.  He is beyond strange and the two little spots of hair on his almost bald yet weirdly fat head resemble devil horns.  Someone really needs to bring that creepy, manipulative, passive aggressive, marble mouth back to reality.  Watching him gives me chills and not in a good way.

[msblossom]

I'm re-watching this episode right now and honestly, Gary appears to be psychotic.  While Amber certainly has issues, when she and Gary get into it over Leah spending the night, she really does remain relatively calm and calmly states she needs to get off the phone and then hangs up.  Gary however mimics Amber on the phone and then smiles creepily after the phone call ends.  He is beyond strange and the two little spots of hair on his almost bald yet weirdly fat head resemble devil horns.  Someone really needs to bring that creepy, manipulative, passive aggressive, marble mouth back to reality.  Watching him gives me chills and not in a good way.

He gets his rocks off by trying to unhinge her. I think he wants to push her over the edge. He's a sick person and I hope to God Amber never gets back together with him. I hope he stays with Kristina forever.

[NikSac]

He gets his rocks off by trying to unhinge her. I think he wants to push her over the edge. He's a sick person and I hope to God Amber never gets back together with him. I hope he stays with Kristina forever.

 

What do you have against Kristina?  (I'm asking mostly in jest)  Personally I hope he ends up alone and wondering what the hell happened after MTV disappears.

[ginger90]

Does Gary actually have full legal custody of Leah ?

[msblossom]

What do you have against Kristina?  (I'm asking mostly in jest)  Personally I hope he ends up alone and wondering what the hell happened after MTV disappears.

I don't understand this guy's appeal to any woman, no matter how low their self-esteem may be. Ha! I don't have a thing against Kristina, in fact, she seems pretty nice and level headed (she reminds me quite a bit of Gary's mom, actually). I'm sure they've all sort of created their own little family unit together with her daughter and Leah -- and now another little baby daughter on the way, so I'd sort of hate to see that break up. I can't stand to see Gary treat Kristina like she's not good enough to marry though! But no one is twisting her arm to stay with him, she's there because the loves the big fat jerk. Yeah, I'd kinda like to see Gary all alone when this all over.

[msrbley]

My husband and I adopted our son through Bethany Christian Services and we have an open adoption.  Other than what we've seen on 16 and Pregnant, I can't say what Dawn specifically told Tyler and Caitlyn or Brandon and Theresa, but I can tell you what the counselors at Bethany told us and our birth mother in our presence.  It was made very clear to us that Bethany strongly encouraged open adoptions but they were not legally enforceable (we are in Michigan).  Our birth mother specified the level of openness she wanted and we stated the level of openness we would be comfortable with before we were even matched (matched meaning we voiced an interest in her profile, she reviewed our profile and a book about our family and chose our family based on everything she saw and read).

 

Yes, Bethany does paint a rosy picture of one gigantic happy family where birth mothers visit and even babysit the adopted child in the adoptive family's home.  In some situations that actually works out but as wonderful as this sounds in theory, it's difficult to have two mothers and two fathers.  It is entirely up to the birth parents to set guidelines for contact and to even end contact completely at any point for any reason or no reason at all.  

 

In my experience with Bethany (and there is a lot of things I don't agree with them on politically), no one was taken advantage of.  No one lied to a teenager to get a "blond, white baby" (our baby is neither blond nor white and our birthmother wasn't a teenager).  While we were all in a room together we discussed a plan for openness.  Everyone had a voice.  I'm an attorney and I was very concerned that our birth mother understood what was happening.  One on one I asked her if she understood and if anyone was making her do this or if she felt uncomfortable or had any questions or reservations at all.  

 

Our birth mother simply wanted pictures and a letter with updates once a month for the first year and then periodically after that.  We send twice yearly updates now.  Our birth mother knows our full legal names, our address, our telephone numbers and our email addresses.  She knows our son's full, legal name.  We are not afraid she wants to take him away.  We were lucky.  From what I've seen, if Brandon and Theresa have kept their last name and hometown private from Tyler and Caitlyn, they made a wise decision.  I would have cut Tyler off a long time ago and I wouldn't have felt one bit of guilt.  My number one priority is what is best for my child.  Tyler is a threat to Carly's well-being.

 

So, not every experience with Bethany is exactly the same, but I don't think they are evil.  I think the adoption process is a very emotional time for everyone involved.  This isn't a business and adoptive parents aren't buying babies (as a side note, our birth mother received no monetary assistance at all even though we were told by Bethany we should be prepared to pay rent, buy diapers for other children or buy phone cards, our birth mother wanted nothing).

[Darknight]

My husband and I adopted our son through Bethany Christian Services and we have an open adoption. Other than what we've seen on 16 and Pregnant, I can't say what Dawn specifically told Tyler and Caitlyn or Brandon and Theresa, but I can tell you what the counselors at Bethany told us and our birth mother in our presence. It was made very clear to us that Bethany strongly encouraged open adoptions but they were not legally enforceable (we are in Michigan). Our birth mother specified the level of openness she wanted and we stated the level of openness we would be comfortable with before we were even matched (matched meaning we voiced an interest in her profile, she reviewed our profile and a book about our family and chose our family based on everything she saw and read).

Yes, Bethany does paint a rosy picture of one gigantic happy family where birth mothers visit and even babysit the adopted child in the adoptive family's home. In some situations that actually works out but as wonderful as this sounds in theory, it's difficult to have two mothers and two fathers. It is entirely up to the birth parents to set guidelines for contact and to even end contact completely at any point for any reason or no reason at all.

In my experience with Bethany (and there is a lot of things I don't agree with them on politically), no one was taken advantage of. No one lied to a teenager to get a "blond, white baby" (our baby is neither blond nor white and our birthmother wasn't a teenager). While we were all in a room together we discussed a plan for openness. Everyone had a voice. I'm an attorney and I was very concerned that our birth mother understood what was happening. One on one I asked her if she understood and if anyone was making her do this or if she felt uncomfortable or had any questions or reservations at all.

Our birth mother simply wanted pictures and a letter with updates once a month for the first year and then periodically after that. We send twice yearly updates now. Our birth mother knows our full legal names, our address, our telephone numbers and our email addresses. She knows our son's full, legal name. We are not afraid she wants to take him away. We were lucky. From what I've seen, if Brandon and Theresa have kept their last name and hometown private from Tyler and Caitlyn, they made a wise decision. I would have cut Tyler off a long time ago and I wouldn't have felt one bit of guilt. My number one priority is what is best for my child. Tyler is a threat to Carly's well-being.

So, not every experience with Bethany is exactly the same, but I don't think they are evil. I think the adoption process is a very emotional time for everyone involved. This isn't a business and adoptive parents aren't buying babies (as a side note, our birth mother received no monetary assistance at all even though we were told by Bethany we should be prepared to pay rent, buy diapers for other children or buy phone cards, our birth mother wanted nothing).

Your relationship with the birth parents are strong, healthy and supportive. Tyler and Catelynn however are hot messes that can't handle this type of openness