S03.E04: Home / S03.E05: A Hostile Witness

[Tara Ariano]

A tip received by the FBI may scuttle Mark, Kyle and Daisy's plan to go after Ryan, but a snag during an important trial causes the agency to muster its forces to track a missing person. With the team broken up, Ryan turns to a former enemy to help battle a greater foe.

[TheRabbi]

I really don't think I can take 2 hours of this.

[Snookums]

You can and you will.

[paigow]

I really don't think I can take 2 hours of this.

Damn Gotham hiatus....

[mythoughtis]

I keep thinking that this season will eventually make sense. There seems to be a never ending supply of young couples who can't have sex unless they kill people.

Edited March 24, 2015 by mythoughtis

[TheRabbi]

I just finished the first episode.  There really is too much stupid to even discuss.

 

I refuse to believe that the FBI in this day and age can't trace a cell phone call when they have the tracer set up beforehand, and they had them on the line for a soiid 2-3 minutes in the beginning.  Yet they somehow had the technology to pick up Daisy and Kyle by some miracle chance leaving Mark's house in a random search of some kind.  I guess whatever moves the plot forward.  I also remember an exact same scenario that played out in a similar fashion last season.

 

The firehouse scene.  The firefighter with Daisy is telling a story to the black firefighter, and then suddenly stops.  The black man says "hey, don't leave me hanging."  Naturally we assume that the storyteller has been offed.  But a little bit later someone else is dying and then the storyteller is still talking with Daisy after, before ultimately meeting his end.  Wtf?  Maybe I missed some crucial element of this scene.

 

I know this is The Following's incredibly inept version of the FBI, but they did have Mark surrounded in his home, and all of a sudden Mark is seen walking a block away, with no explanation as to how he evaded the feds.  Come on show.  Ditto for Daisy and Kyle being able to escape the college at the end.  Where the hell is the damn FBI?

 

And there's just the stupid contrivances, which is basically the entire Max/Mike/BF whose name I can't recall.  Of course he'll have a chance to spare or save Mike at the end, and of course he'll get to see Max and Mike doing the big nasty.

 

I haven't decided if I want to a) torture myself and watch the next hour right now.  b) regroup and watch the second hour later this week, or c) dump the show.  James Purefoy's name is still in the credits, which means Joe has to come back at some point, right?  That's pretty much the only reason I'm still in at this point  That Joe can sure chew some scenery, and he seems to know how ridiculous everything is.

Edited March 24, 2015 by TheRabbi

[Such A Flirt]

Joe Poe! Finally! That last line was... wow. The HoYay is still strong with this one.

 

That double episode was actually pretty good by this show's standards. I guess they couldn't get the actress who played Carrie again? And buh bye Silas, I hope Daisy will be joining you soon.

[opus]

I probably laughed at the boyfriend sitting down to watch the Max/Mike video more than at most sitcoms.

[TV Anonymous]

I have a bruised forehead. That is because I kept slapping it every 15 seconds during this 2-hour back-to-back special.

[thuganomics85]

I honestly feel like I should get a gold medal for surviving two back-to-back episodes.  Or, at least a cookie.

 

I'm getting to the point where I've moved past merely laughing at the incompetent FBI, and actually hating them now.  OK, fine, they did manage to kill Kyle, but they pretty much had Daisy, Strauss, AND Mark just a few feet away from them, but they all got away, thanks to various bullshit reasons.  This is really not a competition.  The FBI on this show just have their heads so far up their asses, that the bad guys just need to not trip over their feet.  Thank goodness these knuckleheads only are dealing with domestic issues.  If Ryan and crew had to handle terrorist threats, the U.S. would already be a war zone.

 

So, basically, Strauss is now free because the FBI can't do their jobs, so this all leading to the big reveal: Ryan is willing to work with Joe to bring him down.  This show really wants to be Hannibal.  Good luck with that.

 

Max and Mike reunite, and Tom/boyfriend sees it all on the bad guy's camera.  But, hilariously, instead of being normal and confronting her/breaking up with her, he's just keeping the laptop, and continuing to spy on her like a creepier.  I guess that's one way to make me not fully hate the cheaters.  Cheaters>Creepier, I guess.

 

Did love the parade of recognizable faces in useless roles.  Robin Weigert (oh, Deadwood) as the judge.  Hannah Marks (Necessary Roughness) as her daughter.  Michael Michele (from the last and worst season of Homicide: Life on the Street) as the prosecutor.  How they get suckered into this is beyond me.  And, starting next week, Michael Ealy is going to be in this stinker.  Poor dude.  Almost Human may have had its issues, but it was high quality sci-fi compared to this.

 

Gwen practically pleading with Ryan to tell her what's going on means she is totally a baddie. 

[mertensia]

That trial had me rolling my eyes like crazy.

Congrats on deciding to be Gregg Henry's sex slave there, Daisy. You do realize you're dead as soon as he gets tired of you? Speaking of Gregg Henry: and to think I questioned why you guest starred on an episode of CSI:Miami .

[numbersix]

How does Michael Michele keep getting work? She is literally the worst actress I've seen in non-children's programming.

[sjohnson]

Something's gone terribly wrong...I was disappointed that Max wasn't dead and I was pleased Mark got away. And the Ryan/Joe ending is getting in the way of Ryan/Mike. Boo, hiss!

[kfree9]

 

The firehouse scene.  The firefighter with Daisy is telling a story to the black firefighter, and then suddenly stops.  The black man says "hey, don't leave me hanging."  Naturally we assume that the storyteller has been offed.  But a little bit later someone else is dying and then the storyteller is still talking with Daisy after, before ultimately meeting his end.  Wtf?  Maybe I missed some crucial element of this scene.

 

Those were two different firemen.

[Sparger Springs]

I can't believe they dismissed the case because a witness was an hour late. Why didn't the witness have federal protection instead of  private security? Why do I keep watching this mess? The prosecution couldn't call someone else. Wasn't the judge the mother of the girl they tried to kill? Seems like an extension would've been in order given the judges personal problems. 

[ZoloftBlob]

Well, I don't think we're even trying for believability at this point. I mean really, no, a judge is not going to dismiss the entire case over a witness in protective custody magically disappearing over an *hour* delay when the defendant in question is a known associate of a group of murderous psychos who OFTEN murder  witnesses and are known for infiltrating police investigations. The email that makes Hardy look like a liar would have needed serious investigation - introducing it on the fly that way might have scored a mistrial but not a dismissal

[Sarah D. Bunting]

That dismissal was on the level of the brain transplant in Soapdish -- it's so goddamn stupid it's almost a parody of itself. I hate this show.

[Primetimer]

After two interminable hours of The Following, Poe Head got girl-drink drunk. Don't worry, Sarah confiscated the trampoline.

Read the story

[TV Anonymous]

Now I know that in American legal system a confession made under duress, right before one is brutally killed, is an acceptable argument to attack one's credibility. As well as random statements made by known criminal, made in the act of brutal violence, are also acceptable.

[Etta Place]

Well, I don't think we're even trying for believability at this point. I mean really, no, a judge is not going to dismiss the entire case over a witness in protective custody magically disappearing over an *hour* delay when the defendant in question is a known associate of a group of murderous psychos who OFTEN murder  witnesses and are known for infiltrating police investigations. The email that makes Hardy look like a liar would have needed serious investigation - introducing it on the fly that way might have scored a mistrial but not a dismissal

Yeah. My husband and I started down the rabbit hole of "well, if you let them say that X would happen, then maybe I can come up with a couple of ways to explain that away, but there is seriously no way that Y would happen ..." and then we just looked at each other and said "why would we try to apply logic to The Following?!"

[kfree9]

The story that bugs me the most is that Tom, an FBI agent, was so bothered by his girlfriend cheating on him that he stole evidence (and busted it out in the oh so private locker room at work) and contemplated letting another agent die.  I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?  Dump her and get on with your life, man.

[ZoloftBlob]

Yeah. My husband and I started down the rabbit hole of "well, if you let them say that X would happen, then maybe I can come up with a couple of ways to explain that away, but there is seriously no way that Y would happen ..." and then we just looked at each other and said "why would we try to apply logic to The Following?!"

 

Exacty - I mean really, the FBI can prove that kinda that the judge's daughter was almost executed (and the daughter's boyfriend WAS executed) as part of the plot  to remove this judge from the case. In a logical world the judge would have removed from the trial for the suspicion alone, especially since this is a high profile case involving major mass killings and well publicized murders. At the very least, the media would be calling for the judge's *head* over letting this guy go *because the witness was murdered by his co-conspirators*.

 

The story that bugs me the most is that Tom, an FBI agent, was so bothered by his girlfriend cheating on him that he stole evidence (and busted it out in the oh so private locker room at work) and contemplated letting another agent die.  I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?  Dump her and get on with your life, man.

I could see being really mad in the heat of the moment in that its a shocking way to find out but yet again, really is the FBI this incompetent? Do these agents not remember all the other dead agents from the last two years?

Edited March 24, 2015 by ZoloftBlob

[Dowel Jones]

The story that bugs me the most is that Tom, an FBI agent, was so bothered by his girlfriend cheating on him that he stole evidence

 

Thank you for that.  I was thinking that he was a Follower the whole time, which made absolutely no sense.  Well, except within the confines of this trainwreck. 

 

Show, I know that the theme is that the bad guys, no matter how inexperienced, have to evade the LE at every turn (as you so have ably shown over the past several episodes), but couldn't you just once give the law enforcement agencies and the justice system just a wee bit more competence?  As TV Anonymous noted, I too bought a family size bottle of ibuprofen for the wrist and forehead pain. 

 

Speaking of the laptop, just how far do those cameras broadcast?

 

The paralegal definitely gets the I'm As Smart As Martha award. 

 

Hey, Max, next time you're hanging off a wall, try grabbing the pole with BOTH HANDS.  You might acually be able to pull your own dumb ass up. 

 

Wouldn't it have made sense for someone to, you know, watch the camera on the brownstone after the couple left?  Just to see if someone else came in or out?

And maybe secure the entire dormitory during the search?  By the way, campus police are fully trained law enforcement officers.  It might have been more expedient to inform them ahead of time so they could intervene, instead of waiting for the Three Amigos and a SWAT team.  Just a thought. 

 

I thought it cute that they used the exact same prison sally port that Joe used way back when.  And when Ryan waxes so eloquently on board the ship about how Mark is going to spend the rest of his life in a cell, I actually said "Uh, better think that one through again, boy."

 

Regarding the fireman, if Chris grabbed him, there would have been a struggle, with noise.  If he stabbed him  right beside the bed, there would be death noises.  Yet it was somehow possible to accomplish both without even a peep from the fourth unlucky fireman.  By the way, since the access door was locked and required release from the inside, how did the other two get in, since the door obviously closed after the girl came in?

 

I guess nowadays shipping companies just dock their cargo ships and walk away for the night.  And gunfire must be a rather common occurence.

[MrPissyPuppy]

Only four firemen on duty?  WTF.  More than that come into grocery stores to buy the food they're going to cook.  Maybe the others were on a grocery run.  

 

This show is so stupid, I am hate watching it and only sticking with it since Joe is back to add some snark and Michael Ealy is coming on.  I wish they'd cancelled this show and left Almost Human alone.  At some points, I was rooting for the psychos to kill the FBI people or at least one or two of them.  Ugh. 

[opus]

 

Gwen practically pleading with Ryan to tell her what's going on means she is totally a baddie. 

Gwens Ryans girlfriend? Yeah, currently way too small a part for a regular in the credits.

[sjohnson]

Perhaps Gwen is secretly related to the guy Hardy murdered in his youth, the one who killed his father in a robbery. Cycle of revenge is like the circle of life, a joyous affirmation!

[jjj]

I never saw this before last night, and barely have heard of the show, but the channel was on from a previous show, and I said, "hey, it's Kevin Bacon!"  Then went down the rabbit hole.  I had no idea who was who, but was admiring the Jennifer Garner/"Alias"-quality wigs on Daisy.  But perplexed that Daisy sometimes was standing outside the car going "what will we do, where will we live?" with her lips quivering, and at other moments, was the slickest SpyGirl ever, like with the security guard at the hotel. 

 

But overall, the takeaways from this one-time viewer were:  Ugh, so much killing -- and *ironing* someone to death?  And ugh, after the security guard was already unconscious, plunging an icepick into his head?  And what terrible shots these FBI agents are.  And the awful slurpy macking over various victims. 

[ZoloftBlob]

The irony I suppose is that the violence is really really toned down from the first season.

[Snookums]

Oh, my fucking GOD, you guys.

 

Every week, every week I say this shit cannot get stupider, and every week I am proved wrong! Seriously, what fucking universe does this show take place in? Because I can no longer even pinpoint the beginning of the idiocy--it is as dark matter and dark energy, no beginning and no end. There was no Big Bang in The Following's universe--only the idiocy, and an angry God.

 

Sigh...I can't promise how long this crap's going to take, because it was a fucking DOUBLE SHOT for no good reason. But as was the case with Sisyphus, I am given no respite and must soldier that boulder up Mt. Shit. 

 

Okay. So. Last Week on...highlights the total clusterfuck of time and space until now, and we're in on...

 

Cityscape pan and giggles, and we see a young smoochy couple saying goodnight--the girl heads up to her dorm (this is apparently a college) and the boy strolls off. This would be sweet except for Bewigged Daisy and Watch Cap Kyle (I just adore how Kyle is not even trying with the disguise thing) watching them and clearly plotting something involving maiming and death. Usual squelchy bog of saccharine dialogue between these two--I honestly cannot tell if the show wants us to hate them more every time we see them or if the writers actually considered this shitfest character arcs--and they apparently follow Boy.

 

They catch up to the poor guy and do the "Hey, you're Reggie, right?" thing, flanking him on either side and doing a not that bad version of the "familiar face" lure--they go on about how Marisol (the girl) "talks about him all the time" and generally give the impression that they know her and hey, trust these two strangers that just wandered up to you! Reggie, being a polite lad who apparently doesn't realize his version of reality is filled with nothing but random violence and unfair pain, goes along with these two friendly seeming strangers who are apparently buddies with his gal. Things take a dark turn when Kyle announces that he got high behind metal shop every day and Daisy "honey-trapped" her teachers into giving her As. Okay, not only ICK but keep this shit in mind because it's going to be very important later when I lose my fucking mind.

 

Anyhoo, Reggie is all Uh, what? and Daisy says hey, you seem cool but we're under orders to make this look like an accident, and once again The Following proves that any forces in the great beyond are firmly on the side of the butchers, here, because this: Kyle bump-tosses Reggie in front of a car that ever so handily was driving by at that precise moment! There hasn't been a lick of traffic on this quiet street until now, but hey, just put your shit out into the great Cosmic Whatever and you get what you need the most! 

 

Reggie gets whomped, and Kyle and Daisy stroll away, clearly enjoying the glow of a job well done. Nobody stops them--not the driver of the car or anybody--nobody takes their picture with a cell phone, and they don't check to see if Robbie is, you know, actually dead as we fade into the title card. Everything just works out for these two and their little murder plottings and schemings and naming their Goddamn dogs after characters on Friends. GARH, RAGH! 

 

We fade into Ryan Hardy's White Apartment of Regret But Hopeful Cohabitation Beginnings. He's swinging in with a cardboard box and the many replicas of said box all over his living room say that Gwen has indeed moved in! NIce, now Ryan has somebody around to not talk to all the time, plus all those boxes will come in really handy for storing his heaps of obsessive evidence, pushpins, and string.

 

Gwen jokes that he's lucky she put most of her stuff in storage (GIANT FLAG) and starts unpacking while Ryan derisively checks out her food choices. Mmmm, raw crunchy kale. Apparently it says those exact words on the package, but Ryan is cut short from whatever shit he was going to spew by Gwen pulling giant bottles of BOOZE outta that box! (A FESTOONERY OF FLAGS. Could the writers make it any fucking clearer that Gwen is a Goddamn plant?)

 

"Sorry," says Gwen, "I really wasn't thinking when I was packing." Oh, I think you were. Ryan says it's cool and he hasn't had a drink in two years and this is her home too and all the right words but come. on. This is about as subtle as one of Daisy and Kyle's meet 'n greets. 

 

Gwen smooches him, announces that she wants to redo the bedroom (maybe more oatmeal and ecru, it's too bright in there) and Ryan tucks the bottles onto a convenient shelf. Isn't that one vodka? Shouldn't that go into the fridge? Oh, well, I don't really care, the important part is that the Booze Gun is over the mantle, so to speak.

 

Cut to Max waking up. Is this the same day? Man, either Ryan and Gwen must have started moving in at like three a.m. or she's snoozing the day away. Tom's on the bed, saying that she looked so peaceful he didn't want to wake her. Um, why were you perched next to her like a hungry vampire, then? He tells her coffee's on the stove and he's got to get home and change (not down with the walk of shame at work, Tom?) Max gets up and kisses him goodbye, sending him out (you'd think, by the by, that somebody who's been dealing with shit on the level that Max has been would have better locks on her door) and slomps off to get her coffee. 

 

She does the "spill, move pile of stuff and find a picture" thing--I thought at first Daisy and Kyle left it, but it's a Polaroid of team at the wedding? I think? (Which makes NO SENSE, because Mike is in the photo, but he got there late, after the ceremony, but Gina's in the shot and her dress is clearly not blood-spattered. When was this taken???) Anyway, Max's pensive morning gazes are being watched, of course...

 

By Daisy, who's doing her favorite thing of lounging around in a trampy lingerie set and watching Max on the cameras she and Kyle installed. Kyle's doing pushups as Daisy says Max seems troubled, and Kyle smirks to just wait until tonight; "She's gonna be devastated." I already watched this pile of shit through once and still can't remember what Kyle's referencing here. Blah. 

 

Back and forth about how Max is pretty and does Kyle think that her body's better then Daisy's? Cripes, these two really are in the ninth grade. Smoochy smoochy smoochy as we cut to

 

MARK, outside listening and clearly hearing every single thing in there. Even Head Luke is disgusted by his lack of clue-in because he's not shoving him around and yelling at him about this. Kyle swings the door open out of nowhere (why?) and Mark's all hey, just checking in, big night tonight! Kyle smarms that he doesn't get why Mark is coming in the first damn place, since he and Daisy have been handling things just fine so far. Mark gets his wibble on and Daisy swings over to soothe the troubled waters. This shit is getting more and more tiring/boring to watch. These two have different agendas, Mark is a coocoo pants, WE GET IT. 

 

Mark (who is wearing a perfectly adorkable little apron) backs off and says he's off to make the cookies. Okay. Daisy says she'll be down to help and Mark hilariously scoots off stage right. I rag this show endlessly but Sam Underwood does a great job with Mark's skittery little mouse body language. Kyle swings the door closed again and why did he open it in the first place??? and says Mark's onto them. Daisy, back over on the "stick around" team for the nonce, says maybe but after tomorrow, it won't matter. Smooch smooch smooch. I am really weary of watching these two suck face.

 

Over to Nameless Federal Building of Losers. Mike is entering Gina's office (whoa! She's got a whole office! Maybe she can put in some inflatable palm trees and flamingos and shit and bring her bride over to play honeymoon sometime). He's there so Gina can "talk" to him since she hasn't had a chance to check in with him since he's been back. You know, what with the resumption of all the murders and shit. She says his reports from the field shows he's not fine--um, DUH-- and Mike does the standard issue bluster "you can't expect me to check in when I'm hunting a maniac, I can't be tied down, man!" thing. Gina hysterically claims that they're under a microscope and she can't afford to have him crossing the line. Really? Since when? Like, when the UNITED STATES CONGRESS cleared you of wrongdoing? When you got blood dumped all over you at your wedding but weren't pulled off this case? When Ryan and Mike caught Andrew, a huge, high profile collar that should have upped your cred considerably???? We have yet to meet ONE higher up who seems to give a shit about these day to day operations at all. Where is this microscope?

 

Mike brings exactly none of this up, merely stating that he's got a personal stake in catching Mark but he won't let it interfere with the job. Mike's dictionary must be a three page pamphlet held together with twine with "INTERFERE :To do whatever the hell I want" written in it over and over in crayon. His eyes are really strikingly blue in this scene, though, so Gina seems disposed to just go with the bullshit of the day.

 

They're interrupted by Ryan coming in with a possible clue! Man, Ryan's superpower must be timing his entrances for either the best or worst moment possible but he doesn't get to pick which. A tip has come in on the sketches: Kyle and Daisy Locke from Ohio. Mike exposits that the burner phone was purchased in Ohio and Ryan says the pair flew in three weeks ago, then dropped off the grid. Gina, over that whole "dangerously unstable man with a gun who could ruin this case/my career" thing, says "take the jet" (THEY HAVE A JET! I wonder if it's made of tinkertoys or Legos?) and to go check out the couple's home, that if they are Mark's Followers (NO) see if there's any clue as to what they're doing and/or why. Um, it would be a heckuva lot faster and more efficient for Ohio field agents to do that but hey, whatever. Remember The Following's motto--only two, three max agents on any dangerous, time sensitive, super high profile case.

 

Oh, and speaking of Max, Gina pulls her professional rep back from the brink by telling Mike that he's staying. Ryan, take Max. Aw, I guess those baby blues didn't quite do the trick after all. You've still got a job, though, Mike, so count this as a win.

 

Onward to Broadview Heights, Ohio, which must be thrilled to bits to be getting this kind of publicity. Ryan and Max are outside Kyle and Daisy's incredibly fabulous home (again, NO OTHER POLICE PRESENCE. AT ALL.) ringing the doorbell and paying a limp rag of service to the idea of the First Amendment by hollering that they have a warrant. I wonder which judge issued it--probably not the one in the Strauss trial! Oops, getting ahead of myself!

 

Vastly annoying bit with Max asking to kick the door because "I never get to kick it"--ugh, this damn show is never at its best with humor, and it sticks out even more then usual here; what's with this trying to make Max the quippy one?--and BOOM, they're inside. They swing around, checking out a very nice, huge, well furnished home for two high school sweethearts who apparently didn't have steady jobs to afford (in a genuine good touch, there's tons of pictures of Kyle/Daisy hanging on the walls, all of them kissing and cuddling.) They check the place, but there's no trace of--well, anything. Max points this out, that the place is too perfect, like a show house. It really does read like Kyle and Daisy bought literal show setups at the furniture store and just rigged them around this GIANT house. 

 

Ryan insta-shrinks that they were leading a double life, that they wouldn't want to keep evidence of their crazy in their home. Makes sense, that place is as white as Ryan's apartment. Be a bitch to scrub up all the blood and stuff. 

 

Ryan scans, then says "but they would want it close." He kicks a muddy pair of shoes--

 

And we are out in the humongo backyard of this six figure even for Ohio property. How in the sweet hell were Daisy and Kyle affording this? Why on earth would they bail on it to go hand hold Mark, even with the promise of lots of sweet, sweet murder? They clearly (and it will become even more clear in a sec) had a perfectly workable arrangement going here! THIS SHIT MAKES NO SENSE.

 

ANYway, Ryan and Max search about, then find a gate out in to a verdant and unspoiled woods (WAT) and naturally, only twenty feet into said sylvan glen is a barely covered ground door leading into what is clearly nothing good. I guess nobody else runs their dogs through here or Daisy and Kyle's little setup would get rooted out right quick.

 

Still calling NO ONE, Max and Ryan descend into the earth. They quickly find what is clearly K&D's murder/party/display of our fuck-uppedenss room, filled with mannequins wearing outfits that show big bloodstains. Delightful. Boy, there's a helluva lotta evidence in here, maybe we should call the CSI team? Or the local PD to check missing persons? Or the field office to check building contractors to see who installed this little Slaughter Cave? Or something? 

 

Which I am sure was going to be the very next thing they did, had not a rustling alerted them that they aren't alone! They quickly chase Whoever above ground, yelling FBI! and show me your hands! and the usual, until it's revealed that this is a high school aged girl who is both the Lockes' dogsitter and inexplicably wandered through their house and out back right to the hidey hole of murder and decided to poke around in there. (Say, where are these mythical beasts, anyway? Emily there clearly didn't have them with her and they weren't in the house.) 

 

Emily throws her hands up and says hey, just the dogsitter, are Kyle and Daisy in trouble? Ryan shoots Max a classic side eye and we cut to

 

Daisy and Kyle! Slim Jimming open a car. For some reason. I really don't get why they're breaking into this car. I guess it's for their "job" tonight but is there any particular reason they picked this car in a busy lot on an equally busy public street with probable CCTV cameras all over it? Well, if it leads to their grisly deaths more quickly I ain't gonna complain.

 

Their deeply deeply boring twittering about how Mark better not screw them up tonight/don't worry, I can control him bullshit is thankfully interrupted by the ringing of the burner phone. Say, now that the FBI knows where they bought that thing, shouldn't it be possible to get the manufacturer's stats and I dunno, track it or something???? 

 

I guess not, if the following shenanigans are anything to go by. Daisy answers, saying it's Emily. It is indeed. She's saying Rachel (BARF) got hit by a car! Oh, no, what will happen to the doggy wedding! It was set up for sweeps week! 

 

Eh, no worries; this call is being orchestrated by Ryan and Max! Who have still checked in with/summoned exactly NOBODY! Good thing Max downloaded that "trace a cellphone call incredibly slowly" app, so they should be okay. This should work perfectly.

 

Emily fumbles her way through the call, saying Rachel's hurt and she doesn't know this and that, or where she is, or who the vet is. Daisy's so distraught that at first she doesn't catch the clue bus, but manages to swing up onto the rear door when it's clear Em's winging it. Kyle takes the phone and asks where she is, and using more brains then I frankly would give him credit for, twigs that she's being coached. "Is the FBI there?" he queries coldly.

 

Ryan knows the jig is up and grabs Em's cell, trying to keep Kyle on the line (because no matter what the technological advancement, calls are untraceable for however many minutes more then a law enforcement officer can keep a perp on the line. IT IS FOLLOWING LAW.) saying how much he loves their house and too bad they won't ever see it again. Kyle and Daisy get all mooshy-eyed at each other, yuck. 

 

Ryan agrees with me, saying that's sweet but you do know that Fed prisons aren't co-ed? And that more probably the two of you are gonna end up worm food? Kyle slips back into his usual level of intellectual prowess by asking if Ryan's threatening them. NO, guy, he's basically just telling you the damn truth, as Ryan helpfully points out. Saying that he's trying to help Kyle do right by his wife and the only way to protect her is turn themselves in.

 

Kyle is understandably not wild about that idea and says it's not happening (OKAY, gotta call time here; they have been on the damn phone plenty long enough for a damn trace) and while Ryan's standing in his living room, he and Daisy are gearing up to hit him where he lives, and Max too. Okay, Kyle, see, that was a threat. Against a police officer. See how that works? 

 

Kyle hangs up--or rather, tears the phone into bits and stomps on them, which works just as well--and Gina and Mike (all right, so they were trying to trace the call too, which means Ryan and Max clued them in at some point, fair enough. This also means that two separate teams were tracing that call, one of them in the same area as the phone, and neither found it! Yay! That's The Following I know and love!), plus Max and Ryan, grimace with frustration. 

 

Daisy is flipping the fuck out, asking what are they going to do? Kyle, taking his turn as the sane one of this fucked up twosome, says anywhere they want, they'll start a new life, but they have to "finish this." Can she do that for him? Daisy calms herself and they take care of the situation the way they do most things; tonsil hockey. Awww. 

 

Ryan and Max are racing out of the Ohio murder manse, Ryan babbling about getting agents on Gwen, and, in an astounding moment during which the continuity guy presumably awoke from his monthlong tequila bender and stumbled forth, terrifying everybody in the writers' room--his sister in Florida. Remember her? And oh, hey, check it out, the State Police meandered up at some point! There's a car out front and some cop guy guarding the door! And hopefully taking Emily in for questioning at some point while counseling her that a minor assisting in tracing two horrifically dangerous people with no permission from a parent or guardian is A-Okay! 

 

Anyway, Max and Ryan pile into their rental and presumably off to the airport/private landing strip to storm back to New York for a fresh round of craziness and intelligence-blistering crapfests as we go to commercial. 

 

Whew. That is it for this first bit--coming up; Firemen, the stabbed heart of the city.

Edited March 25, 2015 by Snookums

[MizStaken]

This show is getting lamer by the minute, but as I am one of the 10 people who stuck thru the entirety of Glee, I'll see this to the bitter end too.

I knew as soon as mike ran off chasing Mark, that something bad was going to happen. What a lame idea. I keep thinking that these are some of the most inept agents ever. How can the bad guys just slip thru their fingers so easily and often?

Iron to the face, not a fun way to go.

Just curious but does anyone have an idea about the body count of this show so far? It's got to be over or near 100 by now. New drinking game, anytime someone dies on this show , take a drink. Might make the show better to boot.

Oh Joe, how I have missed you.

[Snookums]

Not a bad idea, MizStaken, but I have yet to meet the liver that could take the bodycount/shot ratio of this show.

 

Ohhhhkay. we're back from break, and a firehouse is about to host a field trip. But not the fun kind where you get plastic helmets and your picture taken driving the truck.

 

Daisy, in her latest wig, shows up at the door of Firehouse Whatever (the number doesn't get mentioned until later) and buzzes for admittance. A handsome young fellow who isn't destined for a long life pushes on the bar of the door (remember this) to admit her, saying "hey, you're back!" So Days here has been laying down the ol' honeypot trail for a few days, at least. She grins yep, and she brought cookies! These must be the cookies Mark was so super keen on making earlier. Although I don't know what they're for, exactly; they aren't poisoned or anything, since the luckless denizens of this house are soon to be dispatched via axe/switchblade and other sharp edged objects, and Handsome Firefighter clearly was expecting Daisy to show up. She didn't need to bring these props at all, is what I'm saying. Oh, Following. Forever setting up scenarios that lead nowhere.

 

Anyway, a bit more flirt-chat and Daisy saunters in, not touching any part of the door or frame, as HF pulls said door firmly shut behind him. I'm obsessing on this because of what's coming up right now: Mark and Kyle swinging up to that presumably locked door and popping it right open! They don't break in or jimmy it, they just open it! I rewound this crap to double check and the door does have an apparent doorknob, so what was with that "Handsome Firefighter pushed down on a bar to open the door" that I saw a literal four seconds ago????? Daisy doesn't double back to let them in, nothing! There was no reason they couldn't all just stroll on in without a care and take care of murder business that way! There's no earthly reason for Daisy's flirt recon, the lure of baked goods, none of it! All this fucking show does is mess with what should be perfectly simple setups and promise desserts that lead to nothing!

 

ANY.WAY. Mark and Kyle toddle on in, Mark flicking out his switchblade and Kyle grabbing a fire ax off the wall. This bodes no good. Go ahead and care if you want, I'm still pissed about this whole door thing 

 

Cut to a useless crap scene made even more so by the previous bit, with Daisy doing the whole "You must have lots of girls wanting in them there suspender pants, huh?" while her top slides off her shoulder routine. HF responds in like cliche by saying none of them are as pretty as her. Or as stabby, I bet.

 

Cut to upstairs, where the other two of the FOUR firefighters on shift (in a major metropolitan area, yep, that's a thing that happens) and one guy is telling another guy who is clearly trying to sleep some pointless story about some buddy's new place. Sleeping firefighter is trying to indicate that perhaps this vignette could wait 'til morning but the guy goes on--then stops midsentence. Not a peep. Not, say a gurgle, or a gasp, or a "FUCK I'VE BEEN STABBED" or anything.

 

Sleepy firefighter, having been drawn in, turns over to demand an end to the anecdote. He'll be waiting on that for a while, since Mark is going to finish it up with a mime show of "slashing you to death." He's still working on the invisible knife part.

 

A little something for the ladies! Firefighter Four's fresh out of the shower! Whoo hoo! He heads over to the mirror, wipes it down--and sees a guy coming at him with an ax! CHOP.

 

The sound of F4 collapsing into his own blood distracts HF, and he looks up with the classic "what the hell was that?" But The Following is nothing if not modern and instead of having to walk into his death Daisy's right there to speed things up! She STABS SLASHES STABS at the guy but he's not going down quite so easily. He grapples with her and actually gets her knife hand pointed away from him and towards her neck! Hooray! Daisy struggles but the guy's got a good fifty pounds on her. Closer, closer, closer...

 

And Mark arrives to ruin everything for me, again. He stabs HF in the back until he finally goes down and then they do this weird little bit where he reaches out automatically for Daisy's hand before remembering he's touch-phobic or whatever the hell that bullshit's about. Daisy breathlessly thanks him and he tugs her past poor HF, who just was looking for some late night kitchen sex and a spot of cookie afterwards. He can commiserate with Little Mandy in that big Following Victims Tiki Bar in the Sky, I guess.

 

Cut to Daisy doing some bizarre dabbling on the wall with a rag (she's writing the latest RYAN HARDY SUX AND IS LAME message, I think) while Kyle paws through some big chunky file folders, clearly after something specific. It's just the best how none of them are wearing gloves and cheerfully tracking blood everywhere. If this were any other version of reality they'd have been caught weeks ago. Kyle grabs up whatever he's after and we cut to Daisy telling Mark it's time to bail, but Mark's in one of his little trances and tells them to go on without him. Sure, okay, that's totally fine. I mean, it's not, it's completely stupid but Daisy has established that she's the one who supports Mark in his whims and fancies, so she just heads out with Kyle, having clocked that Mark's staring at a specific picture on the wall.

 

Mark, now alone, puts his hand in the blood of a dead firefighter (and for the life of me, I cannot figure which one it is: two were killed upstairs, one in the shower, and HF in the kitchen, right? So who's this guy in the hall? I mean, if this was any other show I'd just posit that they dragged HF out there but it's not and I hate it.) 

 

Hand dripping blood and fingerprint evidence, Mark swings back to the pic that so enthralled him. It's Max, Ryan, and another guy, smiling, arm in arm. Oh, dear, didn't Ryan's brother/Max's dad used to be a firefighter? WOW, this was a dick move even by this show's standards. That's, like, 8.5 dicks on a regular show. 

 

Mark's zone is violated by the alarm going off and a recorded voice telling the firefighters of Company 360 to move out and off he goes. I'm assuming K and D called in the alarm to get people out there to investigate why nobody's responding and the bodies/ latest little message will be discovered. I guess I should count myself lucky they didn't actually start a fire. (Oh, and one shot confirms that it is HF who's the lucky blood donor so I guess they did pull him out there. Still pissed though.)

 

Cut to driveway of Firehouse 360 filled with police cars and ambulances and other gear that they wheel out for the background of these scenes. And a throng of reporters, who are there to capture the reactions of Ryan and Max! Who have just arrived! From Ohio! I know they had a private jet but even for these guys that's a helluva long day, and it's about to get longer because OF COURSE this is Ryan's brother/Max's dad's firehouse and everything is horrible and awful. 

 

Heartbeat sounds on the soundtrack as they enter and Mike/Gina move towards them, saying nothing because the blood message on the wall pretty much sums it up: HEROS DIE WHILE YOU LIE. (Apropos of nothing, Daisy has very nice bloodsmanship, there. Nice block printing.) After a moment Ryan asks how many dead and Gina confirms four. Well, lovely.

 

Max moves past them, to the wall of photos, seeing the bloody handprint on top of her and Ryan and her dad's smiling faces. There's another picture right next to it, a closeup/memorial shot of her father, and I would guess that's Kevin Bacon's real life brother because he is just the spitting image. Max shudders with growing horror and disgust. 

 

Mike comes up, asks if she's okay, and Max says she spent her childhood here. Voice increasingly shaky, she goes on that Dad let her come there after school every day, she hasn't been back since he died (In 9/11, if I recall) and it's clear that this is just an unspeakable violation, an atrocity. Jessica Stroup does a nice job in this scene and God knows on this show you've go to take good bits as you find them. Ryan scoops her up, says he's taking her home and they move out into the swarm of cameras as Mike points out to Gina that firefighters are the heart of New York, and this is going to hit the whole city. "They're gonna want to know why," Gina confirms grimly. They watch as Max and Ryan move off.

 

A radio announcer covering the story carries us into the next scene, with Juliana, looking more worried/freaked then is her wont, sitting and listening in her car. Daisy and Kyle swing their butts inside. She tries to be Ice Queen, though, saying the firehouse went well so why is she sitting here? Um, yeah, why? This seems really risky for all concerned. 

 

Daisy does have a point, though, when she points out that their lives just blew up and everybody on the planet knows who they are and what they look like. Juliana does the "take a deep breath" routine and says she understands they're upset but they'll be taken care of as long as they hold up their end of the deal. What the hell is this deal, exactly? I've never been able to figure out what Kyle and Daisy are getting out of all this hoo ha, and now that we've seen their apparently quite nice life in Ohio, a life they clearly planned to return to, it makes less sense with every passing minute.

 

Kyle says the deal just changed and they need money and passports and tickets to Antarctica, "or he can get someone else to do his dirty work." So whatever the deal was before, it didn't involve an around the world cruise. Or money, apparently. Juliana wearily reconfirms that yes, whiny pantses, you'll get your piles of filthy lucre after we're finished. "Remember," she concludes, "it has to look like a suicide." We're being set up here, I think, to believe that Max is the target, that she's going to be murder suicided in apparent grief for the firehouse scenario, but that doesn't explain the whole cameras in her apartment thing (NOTHING explains the cameras in her apartment thing, come to think of it.) That is, of course, not the case, because that might make the barest modicum of fucking sense. Oh, no, what Juliana's talking about is roughly ten times more "fucking WHAT?" than that.

 

Kyle and Daisy bail and head out, leaving Juliana to gaze at nothing with that worried look back on her face. Aw, honey, what's wrong? It's almost like being involved with multiple crazy ass murderers isn't the funfest you thought it was!

 

Off and back to Ryan's White Apartment Of Long Fucking Day Even For Him With A Side Of Unlooked For Solacing. He tosses his keys in the little bowl beside the door, looking like he's carrying logs on each shoulder, then tosses his coat and takes his gun out of the holster and--sets it on the counter?? Why? That seems like poor gun safety to me, plus if I were Ryan I'd basically just go around with an automatic duct-taped to each hand as a matter of course. He rubs his eyes, he slumps into the kitchen for a glass--and is greeted by those bottles of sweet, sweet likker, just waiting to take the pain away. Yes, Gwen had no ulterior motive at all in the world for that little move, nope.

 

Speaking of! It's not time for the Booze Gun to go off yet, since said Gwen is swinging in to see how Ryan's doing. Pretty shitty would be my guess. He says he's fine and he hopes that having a bevy of FBI agents showing up at her work didn't freak her out too badly. Or cause her to lose her hospital privileges due to being an enormous security risk, or anything. But nah, Gwen's a Cool Girlfriend and is all hey, ain't no thing, Gina called and explained that there was probably nothing to worry about, that I and my colleagues and patients were in hardly any danger at all from a bunch of crazy murderers roaming at large through town. 

 

She commiserates as Ryan says he's worried about Max, Gwen says she's worried about him, blah blah blah, and then she not very subtly steers the convo over to "Gina's worried that you're not telling the truth about what happened." Smooth as a tap dancing moose on skates, there, Gwennie. Ryan may be exhausted but he picks up on that, and his "She said that?" gets a prompt dropped eyes/bitten lip oh no no no she didn't have to from Gwen. Ryan flat out asks if there's something she wants to ask him and she's all no no no of course not, not trolling for info in the slightest but hey, you can tell me anything. Really, anything. I can handle it. Totally. So if there's any sensitive top secret life/career ruining information you wanna share I am totally down with that for no reason at all except I am super duper supportive and love you to bits, honest. 

 

Ryan's well known reluctance to discuss anything comes to his rescue once again and he says don't worry, if there's anything I need to tell you I will, little kiss to seal it? Gwen accepts but her facial expression as Ryan heads off for another Pity Shower is a mixed bag of worried/frustrated.  Gah, Gwen, I know you pulled the short straw in the latest Elaborate Setup Of Ryan Hardy but you've gotta up your game. You can't always get in the shower with your clothes on or he's going to know something's up.

 

Cut to Max, having a pretty sucktacular night of it, when she hears a knocking. Wiping away tears, she checks her peephole (thank you God for that one moment of smarts) and opens the door to : Mike. Oh. Okay. She thanks him for coming and asks if he wants a drink. Mike, trying to feel out what he's supposed to do here, decides no harm can come of adding alcohol to a volatile mix of grief, rage and vulnerability and says sure. He hesitantly says he's kind of surprised she called him. I'm not; you two are in a pretty uniquely ethically challenged situation and the less you discuss it with outsiders, the better.

 

That's not quite what Max had in mind, though; "Tom wouldn't understand what this feels like," she says, gazing up at him with pain filled eyes. "You're angry," says Mike quietly and Max agrees--she is so angry, it scares her. 

 

This would be a really touching scene if I weren't watching the next part of it on Daisy's laptop! Gross. So gross is her delighted gaze as we hear Mike's voice telling Max he wishes he could tell her it gets easier and Kyle breaks open that pouch he stole earlier, pulling out various items that will probably be important tortured-plot-wise later and throwing them onto the bed in plain sight. Given Mark's penchant for bursting into their room at all hours/hovering outside their door eavesdropping, nothing in this scene seems wise. 

 

Kyle says something about how it's all there, but Daisy's too busy watching her Reality TV show starring Max to care: she says to hush, this is getting good! Kyle plops onto the bed to watch as we cut back to the impromptu counseling session, with Max saying she was too quick to judge Mike's vendetta of justice and back and forth, how she thinks what he did was wrong but she should have been there to help him through it, and one quiet "I miss you" from Mike later and KAZINGA, they're going at it like weasels on spring break! This would be hot except that by watching it, the show's putting us on the same plane as Daisy and Kyle,who start in on their kissyface routine AGAIN as Max and Mike desperately try to lose the horrible reality of their lives in each others' arms. I do not wish to be on the same plane as Daisy and Kyle on anything, let alone this.

 

Okay, that's the next commercial break and the end of this chunk. Next up; stealing evidence is okay if it's your lady cheating on you.

Edited March 25, 2015 by Snookums

[TV Anonymous]

I also learn that apparently the FBI does not learn from past experience and does not have repository of known MO, even after two seasons. Cases in point:

 

1. They still do not know how to make perimeter and how to block all entrance / exit point of a property / location before making a raid.

2. They are still not aware that there are other FBI offices, local law enforcement agencies and the National Guard at their disposal to apprehend their suspects.

3. As well, they are also unaware that they have the NSA, arguably the top electronic surveillance agency in the world, at their disposal for electronic counter measures.

4. After all this time, they are still unable to freeze and to prevent access to the assets of their suspects even if one of their suspect is in maximum security prison.

[Snookums]

Comcast and its "no fast forward on new shows" policy can eat a bag of dicks. As can my head cold.

 

So I'm FINALLY at where I left off (seriously, Comcast. Bag. Of. Dicks.) Cityscape, then we come in on Grey Gardens Mansion, where Mark is beside himself with impish glee as he watches a news broadcast about the firehouse murders. In come Kyle and Daisy, clearly hoping to move on through, but Mark must share his happiness about how "it's working, they're starting to question Ryan Hardy." Mark is literally six years old.

 

Noting that his very bestest friends in all the world are wearing coats (and Daisy her latest wig) he asks where they're going. They're all oh, just for some air and coffee and totally not off to stage an elaborately ridiculous suicide that we didn't clue you in on! Mark thinks this is a bad idea, and in a time and space warping shudder, I have to say he's right: as he points out, their pictures are EVERYWHERE, and even the New Yorkers in this version of the universe can't remain totally blind, deaf and clueless forever. 

 

Kyle does not reassure Mark with his "we'll be fine, nobody's looking for a redhead and a Boston fan!" while swinging a cap onto his head. Kyle's version of disguise is right up there with kids who buy Marx glasses and mustaches for Halloween. And anyway, won't a Bostons cap earn him random beatings all by itself?

 

Mark continues to reiterate that they shouldn't head out into the big bad world, but both halves of the dastardly duo are determined. Daisy's all we'll bring you back a treat while Kyle hilariously and deliberately keeps punching touchaphobic Mark on the shoulder. Off they go with no intention of coming back, as Head Luke finally shows up to point out! Where you been, brah? Was it two for one shots in the hippocampus or something?

 

Head Luke warns Mark that they're up to something, that he knows Mark wants a family "but they aren't it." A few seconds of this has Mark pelting upstairs to search Kyle and Daisy's room. 

 

Meanwhile, Replacement Female Day Player Agent is outlining how she's been spending her day: searching the traffic cams around the area where the fake fire call came from (well, looky here at the actual police work! I do believe I have the vapors!) but such competency is interrupted by Gina, whose entire damn job nowadays seems to be freaking out over what the press is reporting. She goes on about how the mayor wants an investigation and blah blah blah and Ryan couldn't give less of a shit. He says that he can't do anything about that or anything else except focus on finding the killers, and he's right, Gina. Maybe if you told your bosses to quit tying their delicate girlish undergarments into knots and instead focus on rallying interagency support you might have something to distract the press with, like an arrest or three! Speaking of...

 

 Female Day Player agent may have something, and BOOM, there's Kyle and Daisy coming out of Mark's house, clear as day! Your wig and Boston hat have betrayed you, Kyle and Daisy! An Akron Rubberducks hat would never have broken your trust. "That's them," breathes Ryan and rushes off to mess things up while Gina organizes a raid and does not rein him in in any way. Arrrgh, Gina, we went over this SO MANY TIMES. You're his BOSS. Put your actual foot on his actual neck if you have to! 

 

Meanwhile, Mark has located the Laptop of Secrets and Lies, which means that I guess K/D were planning on coming back after all. That seems like a pretty important thing to leave behind, given how much trouble they went to to set up the cameras and shit on behest of Mysterious Benefactor Guy (and again, what the hell for??? Why is Strauss (we all know it, let's quit pretending) so focused on this focusing, so to speak? What is he hoping Max will say or do that Ryan or Mike wouldn't? And why do K/D still have the laptop that the cameras are streaming to if it's so important to watch Max's place in real time 24/7?)

 

Well, DUH, it's so the plot can drag itself forward by its bleeding stumps of fingernails, you sillies! In this case, so Mark can sit there and watch as Max stares at the ceiling while Iceman snoozles beside her (and why aren't these two AT WORK? Ryan's at work! I was under the impression that FBI field agents aren't allowed to just doddle on in to the office whenever, especially when they're in the middle of an epic manhunt. I mean, I might write Max off due to trauma on any other show, but this is a reality where a woman can't go on her HONEYMOON because of an execution scheduled for a month from now, so no.)

 

Anyway. Max is doing the "stare into space while trying to pretend this isn't as bad as it is" thing, then glances over at her favorite mistake as he awakens and reaches out for her. He asks if she's okay, and Max sits up and does this very very awkward thing of holding the sheets up over her boobs while struggling into her robe. They try to play it as her feeling terrible about this encounter but it's much more "cannot show the ladybits on TV" and I don't know why they didn't just shoot this from her back. Max says no, she's not okay, really, flailing her arms into her sleeves, and that this isn't her.

 

Ex-lover awkward convo continues as Mark continues to stare at the laptop screen (blerch) with Mike trying to convince Max that this happened for a reason while Max would like to forget it ever happened at all. Mike keeps trying for a lighthearted vibe but the way Max is chucking his clothes at him from across the room says it's falling flat. 

 

Max finally says out loud what's really eating her; "Tom deserves better than this." When Mike suggests that she tell him the truth Max openly rolls her eyes. "The truth? The truth is in a moment of weakness I slept with you and I really shouldn't have." Ouch. Mike keeps pushing it, saying it wasn't a mistake, and DUDE, that doesn't matter right now! She feels bad and the more you insist the more she's going to blame it on you! 

 

Back to Mark staring raptly, like this is his favorite soap or something but luckily I am saved from barfing up my toenails by Max's cell ringing! Max echos my relief as she lunges for it and of course it is Tom, oooooh. Even Mike has the grace to look down in a moment of shame.

 

And now we take a sharp lunge to the left into CRAZYVILLE because Tom is calling from the van in which he and his fellow SWAT team members are heading to Mark's address! Even the extras around him cannot believe this. Get your head in the game, man! But of course, all this is imperative to the plot, which requires Mark to be watching/listening to Max and Mike who are not already at work on a purloined laptop that was left running (hella battery life on that thing) and showing Max's apartment in REAL TIME so he can hear that the combined forces of the FBI and the NYPD are descending on him so he can get away! I swear to God, this damn show is written by Snoopy using the cast off drafts of his "It was a dark and stormy night" novel. 

 

Mark, hearing Mike announce his full address from a text Mike just got from Ryan or whoever, flips out, as is his wont, tosses the laptop and charges out of the room to the sound of sirens. Okay, that means this giant swarm of police/etc. is maybe three blocks away at most and presumably coming in from all sides! So there is no way in hell Mark can possibly escape! No way! None! 

 

Sure enough, hordes of cops, SWAT team members, etc, surround the entire place and froth through every door, Ryan in the lead (of course) as they tear the place apart. There is NO WAY a regular human being could possibly escape this kind of dragnet! No way! None!

 

Ryan gets a few shots of checking things out, but that's not important right now, because here's Tom! Coming into K/D's bedroom, where he immediately spots the open, running laptop set up neatly on the bed! (Not lying on the floor with broken hinge, which is where Mark left it.) This supposed professional hunting a serial killer promptly drops everything (he lets go of his grip on his gun, he doesn't check the room, nothing) when he recognizes what's on screen, and with one click of a random button BOOM  there is his girlfriend gettin' it on with her ex! I cannot BEGIN to outline the layers of What The Sweet Hellfire Is This that this sequence is composed of.

 

And it gets better! Tom's trance is broken by hearing his team members (the ones doing their damn jobs) yelling "Clear!" and he snaps to enough to do the same, then stick the laptop under his vest and abscond with it. Evidence? Bah! Evidence in a highly dangerous manhunt is a luxury for when you haven't just found out in the most epically bullshit way possible that your gal's not over her former flame, right guys? 

 

Back to Ryan. blissfully unaware that he's, temporarily at least, no longer King Of The Screwups. He's just found Mark's Mirror On A Crash Test Dummy setup, which creeps even him out. But hey, at least they're about to catch Mark! Because there is NO WAY he could have possibly escaped! No way! None!

 

 EXCEPT THERE IS, BECAUSE WHAT AM I SEEING? None other than Mark, go bag in hand, strolling down the street! Even for this show, with its history of ludicrous to the point of real physical pain escapes, this is just too damn much. Even if I bought that he somehow got out of the house (which I don't), how in God's name is not the entire neighborhood being shut down by every cop in the tristate area? There should be a flock of the show's beloved black helicopters swarming above, there should be house to house checks, on the street stop and frisks, the works! But no, not only is Mark clean away, the street he's walking down is almost completely deserted! This makes Joe's escape from The Exploding Boathouse look like Citizen Kane level writing!

 

Pardon me, I must use this next commercial break to do my velociraptor impression and relieve my feelings. RAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGG!

 

Okay, I'm fine. And we're back with everybody's favorite couple, Kyle and Daisy, watching the erstwhile girlfriend of Robbie the Recently Splatted sobbing at a memorial that's gone up. Good thing nobody here has apparently heard of the ginormous raid going down maybe two miles away. I guess the press just decided to bag out on this huge breaking story and not report any of it since nobody's talking about it at all, or showing each other footage on their cells, or anything.

 

Kyle and Daisy have their usual deeply enervating back and forth about how they're gonna start a new life and on and on and on and ON and the only bit of new information we get is that they apparently lost a baby at some point. Again, is the show seriously trying to get me to feel bad for these two? Because honestly the only reaction I had to that bit of backstory was "Good" while I made my face look like Grumpy Cat's. 

 

This little lovefest is thankfully punctured by Mark calling Daisy, but they don't have time for that right now because their sobbing target has moved off and they've got to get going on the last part of their murder assignment. Yay. 

 

Mark, meantime, is cursing at his phone and having little alter-ego flipouts right there on the street, luckily for him nowhere near anybody else--except that one woman walking right by him, but I don't really blame her because if you didn't know Mark was Mark he just looks like a standard issue looney toon having a convo with his invisible friends. The only thing that comes out of this scene is Head Luke pointing out that K/D probably dropped the dime on him (which they didn't but it's not an illogical conclusion) and Mark freaking out at the idea that his best buddies would do such a thing. I really need Lily to rise from the grave here and backhand Mark across the face.

 

Back to Erstwhile Manse of Grey, with Gina strolling in to check out Mirror Head and say dryly "that's disturbing." Yep. Ryan's dimestore psych eval is interrupted by Tom, Sneaker of Evidence, to say that they found the bodies of Warren and Production Assistant in the basement. Wow, plot threads getting wrapped up left and right here! Of course, the actual tape that Mark made is neither found, seen, or mentioned. At all. So that whole thing was a waste of time as well!

 

Speaking of wasted time, Max and Mike just strolled in. Hey, where you two been? Doing it? And here we get the Exchange of Guilty Glances between them and Tom as Gina orders the house to be searched top to bottom (they're just now getting around to that???) and look for deeds, etc. that might give a clue where they're going. I'm starting to suspect that Mark got away while strolling right by the entire SWAT team, high fiving each one. Or not, since he's all No Touchy.

 

Back and forth between Max and Tom and OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY? You want me to care about this crap, show?  With the horrible timing and the wretched plot twisting and the UPGRADING VELOCIRAPTOR IMPRESSION.

 

Back to Girlfriend (hell with it, her name's Marisol) using her keycard to enter her dorm. K and D are close behind her, using a similar card (the one they absconded with from the firehouse) to traipse inside. Poor Marisol, about to learn that she's in a universe where there is no bottom to the crappiness of the day you can have.

 

Time to head back to Plundered Castle Grey and a lovely/not annoying at all Morning After convo with Max and Mike! He's outlining the evidence he found on the firehouse attack, but Max's eye is caught the plastic sleeve that until recently was holding the stuff K/D stole. She recognizes it for what it is--part of a Go Box, containing things a first responder would need to enter a structure. Ya don't say? A few more pieces fall into place and they realize that Townsend College is for some reason the next target.

 

Marisol's sitting on her bed sniffling when in come Kyle and Daisy! That's never a good thing, as they proceed to prove. Marisol's confused, asking how they got in and what are they doing here? Oh, friends of Reggie's, says Kyle, as Daisy tells her they were with him when he died. That piece of info will very soon become important to Marisol, for all the worst reasons.

 

Whoa Nellie, finally at the next commercial!  Last chunk of cootie catchers, hanging from one hand off a railing, and deep level plot bullshittery coming up in the last bit for this ep!

Edited March 25, 2015 by Snookums

[Snookums]

OKAY. Damn, this cold is kicking my ass. I am wrapping this ep come hell or high water.

 

We're with Max and Ryan and she's on her phone gathering info on possible murder targets. She says the only one with the initials MM is Marisol Masters, and her bfriend was hit an killed by a car yesterday. "That can't be a coincidence", pipes in Mike from the backseat (these cars they drive. They seriously have way backs and way way WAY backs or something because you cannot see a passenger in the back unless they're looking right at the camera.) Ryan says to alert campus police (HOORAY) and get the phone and address from the registrar.

 

Everybody better hurry because Daisy's practicing her creative writing skills on Marisol's faked suicide note! She reads off some pretento-garbage that Kyle says is "pure poetry babe" and English major Marisol sobs at, probably both in terror of her situation and the idea that anybody would think she wrote that crap. Daisy looks at her crying tied up self and says she knows how she feels--"life without my man? Wouldn't be worth living." Riiiiight. We'll see about that, won't we?

 

Meantime, the Big Three are cruising towards the college while Mike reports that Marisol's not answering her cell. He goes for her dorm address as Ryan tries to figure out what the hell's going on--this whole "shove in front of a car" and then targeting Marisol the next day is hardly Daisy and Kyle's MO. 

 

Daisy, meanwhile, has posted her little boo-hoo note onto Facebook and is telling Marisol that she's sure her family will understand her decision to "end her pain." Apropos of nothing actually going on in this scene, I do have to note that they've bound Marisol's hands over her sweater sleeves, which is smart if you don't want any telltale restraint marks. I'm pretty sure that gag is going to leave fiber traces, though. 

 

And now we are at the most God-Awful, annoying part of this scene--Kyle's producing of a cootie catcher (or as some call it, a fortune teller) and Daisy's telling Marisol to pick a color! Good sweet Lord above, this poor young woman is just not going to be given a shred of dignity, is she? Kyle says not to be a spoilsport but Marisol's not taking one more second of this and starts shrieking around her gag. Kyle quickly muffles her against his torso and Daisy rolls her eyes and gets up to pick a color herself. There's always one of those girls at every slumber party, isn't there?
 

She picks Pink and Kyle does the one two three four, then the number three and says "I really hope it's hanging!" Why oh why am I being subjected to so much of this girl? She makes Emma look like a Rhodes scholar. 

 

Well, it turns out to be "Jump off the roof," which gets D & K all happy but that's really stupid. It gives Marisol dozens of chances to get away or at least signal somebody and it's not like this is a deserted warehouse--it's a dorm filled with people! And wouldn't the roof doors to a dorm be locked or alarm wired, due to shit just like this? (I mean, kids getting drunk up there and falling or jumping, not being kidnapped by psycho murderers.) But of COURSE the reason for this is the show has to stall for enough time to get the Big Three there and in position to stop poor Marisol from being launched like a seventh grade science fair rocket. 

 

Speaking of, said three have just zoomed up to the dorm, where a bunch of cops and cop cars are--waiting around for them, I guess. Because time isn't a factor here, it's not like the damn campus police couldn't have fucking caught Daisy/Kyle by now and rescued this terrified young woman, or anything! VELOCIRAPTOR IMPRESSION PART THREE COMMENCING.

 

Blah blah blah they run around, up and down, until finally Ryan spots a propped open door and signals Mike: "Stairway." Finally, stairways get a chance at redemption after all the shit they went through at Casa De Grey! Mike takes one and Ryan the other. Get a move on, guys! Mike calls for assistance but that's only to set up the next bit of plot barfing.

 

Up on the roof and Ryan's scanning past a ton of bright blue tarps. Mike does the same. This is a really complicated roof, man. My dorm just had, you know, a flat roof. The two of them pace around, apparently not hearing a young woman's muffled, frenzied shrieks for her life, until we get why we're really here--MIKE TAKING A BIG OL' PIPE TO THE FACE! He's knocked down and Daisy, wielder of said pipe, whales on his ass until--classic--he's hanging from a railing with one hand over the edge of the roof! Okay, not Marisol but Daisy's got the right idea, at least. She takes off while Mike yells for help.

 

Ryan, who apparently didn't hear any of that, is still searching until lo and behold, it's Kyle dragging poor Marisol to the edge! Ryan yells for him to let her go and that it's over, be smart, etc.

 

Meanwhile, all this setup is about to payoff in glorious techicolor bullshittery. Tom, who apparently has forty hour shifts and never goes home, appears on the roof! Not him and other team members or campus police or anything, just good ol' "technology is not my friend" Tom. He does a sweep but is interrupted by that annoying voice bellowing for help. He runs over to do so--and sees Mike, flailing one handed and yelling for assistance. And Tom--freezes. OKAY WHAT THE HELL EVER.

 

Luckily Max appears right then and I guess Tom figures he won't hold the moral high ground for long if he actually lets Mike plunge to his death, and between the two of them they haul him up and over. But still! I get that it would be pretty damn upsetting to watch the woman you love cheat on you in real time, I get that, but honestly, these are supposed to be professional law enforcement officers in a high risk situation and it's playing like a B roll of Melrose Place. Whoever does the psych evaluations at the Bureau should be fired tout de suite.

 

Meanwhile there's been very little progression of events over on Ryan's side of the roof. He's still yelling the cop cliches of Don't do it and what have you and Kyle, apparently suddenly fed up with it all, stabs poor Marisol (that fucker!) flees, and is promptly shot by Ryan (HOORAY!) and hit in the shoulder! Unfortunately for the viewing audience he does not collapse or fall over the side of the building but manages to hurl himself down a super hand garbage chute that just happened to be in that precise spot. See, THIS is why I do not buy that the doors to the roof would not be padlocked at the very least--there's no way drunken kids wouldn't be sliding down that thing every weekend.

 

Ryan is prevented from going after him but for a good reason, for once: Marisol has collapsed and he rushes to her side. Boy howdy, the rest of that SWAT team would come in handy right about now! Too bad they're apparently playing "The Ants Go Marching One By One", or one of them could be shooting the fleeing Kyle pretty damn easily.

 

Ryan does radio for personnel to head to the south side of the building but HAH. The bad guys on this damn show apparently all have personal teleportation devices because is there the slightest doubt in anybody's mind that Kyle is going to get away, again? Even while in pain and leaving a blood trail? Of course not, because that would make a shred of Goddamn sense!

 

Back from break and in the stolen car with Daisy and Kyle, and I take what comfort I can in the fact that he's bleeding out and Daisy's hysterical. HA HA HA, I REVEL IN THEIR PAIN. Kyle tries to reassure her, but his grunts of pain and quick slip into unconsciousness do little to soothe Daisy, and she reaches for her phone in a panic to call for help. Unfortunately, Juliana's machine informs her she's unavailable. "DAMMIT!" cries Daisy, and, left with no choice, calls Mark. (Remember, she doesn't want him to know they've been working an outside angle, while Mark has been convinced by Head Luke that K&D ratted him out.)

 

Trust, Mark hasn't forgotten that version of events, as his expression when he looks at his own phone shows (has he just been roaming around for hours talking to himself? Great plan B there, buddy.) He hustles over to an apparent public bathroom and ducks in, whine-hissing "I've been calling you all day!" Daisy says she tried to reach him but there's cops all over the brownstone and Mark's all UH, YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU CALLED THEM YOU LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE. Daisy asks if he's completely lost his mind (an easily answered query) and points out that they boxed up Jeff--they're hardly going to get a sweet deal with that on the table. 

 

Mark demands to know how the cops knew about the brownstone, then (and in an ironical twist that he will never know about, it was Daisy and Kyle's fault--they left the brownstone that morning and got spotted by Female Day Player Agent on the traffic cam! Ahhh, life's rich tapestry) and Daisy's all I don't KNOW, Mark, but I'm more concerned right now with the fact that Kyle's been shot and I need your help to get him somewhere safe. 

 

"Don't do it," says Head Luke in the bathroom mirror as Daisy sobs and pleads, reminding him that he saved her life, she's got no one else... "Don't do it," Head Luke warns again, but Mark is nothing if not a a soft touch at heart. He gives in and says he'll text her an address. Head Luke peaces out in disgust. 

 

Back to school, where Mike's announcing that the campus is on lockdown with no sign of Daisy or Kyle (of fucking course.) With nothing else to do at the moment, the two of them get back to puzzling their puzzlers over what the goal was in Marisol and Robbie's attacks. Ryan points out that the firehouse hit was designed to look like another of the emotional kneecappings against the three of them but it was really a cover to get the stuff in the go bag, and Marisol must be important for some reason. What could it be?

 

Max runs up with the product placement and shows the fake suicide note, with Ryan figuring that's what the whole "jump off the roof" thing was about. Mike frustratedly points out that none of this fits K & D's M.O. Ryan, meanwhile, is swiping through the page's photos when he stops on a shot of Marisol with an older woman. "Wait," he says, "I know this woman." 

 

And who does said woman turn out to be? Yes, The Following has hit a new apex of WTFINGF? 

 

Said woman is none other then Judge Wallace, both Marisol's mother and the trial judge who is hearing the case of Dr. Strauss, which is starting tomorrow!!!

 

Yes, we have hit full-throttle, no holds barred, pedal to the metal batshit crazy here, people! Over shots of prim high heels clicking down a familiar white prison corridor, we hear Ryan's voice over outlining the above, and Mike's asking what Mark would have to do with all that. We watch Juliana enter the visiting room as Ryan says "Nothing. Or everything." 

 

He keeps putting it together--the tableau murders, Clark's confession, the firehouse... "what if this wasn't about Mark's revenge?" The three of them go on to figure out that whoever's behind this has been trying to discredit the FBI so that no judge or jury would believe what they had to say (OKAY WHAT) and that the attack on Marisol was to either try and control her mother or get a more sympathetic jurist while said grieving judge takes leave (OMG I AM TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE). 

 

"This is about Strauss," concludes Ryan, as Juliana sits down before that very august gentleman. He's got his smirk on but it falls away as her hesitant report: "We've had a setback." Oh, really? That's how you're describing this shitshow as we fade to the closing card?

 

Guys, I really cannot. This crap is the kind of thing that Days of Our Lives would refuse to do on the grounds that it was too farfetched. The most lurid paperback thriller novelist would refuse to work from this outline. Not ONLY are we being asked to care about a guy we have barely seen until now, the idea that he could orchestrate any of this is so vastly, bewilderingly beyond the reach of any kind of reality as to warp into its own pocket dimensional universe. If this show would have more fun with itself, let the audience in on the joke that is this ridiculous mishmash of a plot, that'd be one thing. But to ask the audience to take this Noah's Ark of Stupid at face value? As if none of us have ever lived in the world or even seen a TV show before? It's insulting. 

 

But be that as it may, that is finally IT for this episode. Join me as I organize a velociraptor herd to storm the writer's room!

[morgankobi]

Wow, prosecutor lady, both "fruit of the poisonous tree" and "I can't un-ring that bell" in one speech. That's some good lawyering!

 

Silly Carrie. You can't have a quasi-relationship with Ryan and expect to escape unscathed.

 

"Oh, wow lady, are you slow?" Bwahahaha

Edited March 26, 2015 by morgankobi

[Texasmom1970]

Wow this episode really does a wonderful job at making lawyers and FBI agents stupid!

Still not liking doctor/girlfriend she is pushing for too much information. She is either a follower or clingy girlfriend. Not sure which is worse.

Okay Max's boyfriend?, not sure if they are just dating, the laptop thing that is just creepy.

[Johnny Dollar]

Snookums - thank you for your incredibly detailed and snark-filled recaps, but I worry for your sanity. I'd hate for you to have to be subjected to a "Look at the pretty flowers, Snookums" kind of intervention. Save yourself for Under the Dome. It'll be back before you know it.

[luckyroll3]

I still am completely dumbfounded that the boyfriend, Tom(?), is more concerned about Max cheating and continuing to spy on her, than the fact that a couple of MURDEROUS PSYCHOPATHS have wired her apartment for surveillance!!  The hell?!?!  Priorities dude.  Maybe you should tell her or you know, your bosses, that the suspects are actually planning something else involving Max.  I guess everyone on this show is actually an idiot.

[morgankobi]

Has he even looked for anything else important on the computer of two serial killers? 

[Etta Place]

What could possibly be more important than seeing if Max and Mike continue to sneak around?!

[Snookums]

Snookums - thank you for your incredibly detailed and snark-filled recaps, but I worry for your sanity.

 

 

Tee hee. I don't blame you. In fact, I'm thinking I may have to do a much shorter recap/rant for Episode 5. There's only so much stupid I can take, but I can't let that ridiculous crap cyclone off the hook either. 

[Desperately Random]

Tee hee. I don't blame you. In fact, I'm thinking I may have to do a much shorter recap/rant for Episode 5. There's only so much stupid I can take, but I can't let that ridiculous crap cyclone off the hook either. 

Your recaps are the best Snookums.  You know, I thought they had finally hit the bottom of the stupid pool but darned if episode 5 didn't prove me wrong. Again. The Following keeps showing me that I have to stop saying that this show can't get any dumber because it will inevitably prove me wrong. The latest plot twist that almost broke me was when the attorney told Ryan that the judge dismissed all the charges because a witness (Carrie) was an hour late to court. I don't even have words for how absolutely mind boggling, unbelievably STUPID that plot development was. That makes me want to grab the writers and ask in what court would that ever happen. UGH. This show. And yet I keep watching. Hey, at least Joe is back and I have to say that James Purefoy looked damn good.

Edited March 26, 2015 by Desperately Random

[Snookums]

Okay, guys, I'm sorry but I can't do a detailed recap of 5. One, it will take too long, and my husband already complains about me commandeering the living room for hours on end while I watch, pause, rewind, rewind too far, curse, and rewatch, and two, I just don't think I can take it. The stupidity mountain that is this show could beat up K2 and Everest for their lunch money by now. Plus, all of you, plus Sarah and Poe head, have covered the ridiculousness of this crap pretty thoroughly already. So I'm just going to hit some highlights and sloughs that really stood out.

 

 THAT FUCKING "TRIAL." Or rather that unrecognizable slithering God-blighted mutation clump of random 'legal' procedures that had nothing to do with each other, actual, real-life criminal justice, or any pertinent reality. The way the judge was openly targeted in the most roundabout, pathetically Rube Goldbergian way possible, in a plan that didn't even work the way it was supposed to but still should have done the job in pulling the original judge off the case, but didn't? And the fact that even if it HAD worked all it would have done is delay Strauss' trial, NOT magically release him???? And the fact that said Strauss apparently has access to eighty kazillion dollars that he uses to pay off subordinates/hire ex-students (MUCH more on that later)/ assist in the purchase of fully functional electric chairs and on and on and on? 

 

And the trial itself! Introductions of email evidence that wouldn't pass the sniff test on the old Mayberry show, let alone real life! The world's worst prosecutor who doesn't point out shit like hey, judge, your damn daughter was almost killed by two people that she can positively identify as the same two WHO PUT AN FBI AGENT IN A BOX and this is clearly criminal conspiracy! The idea that Strauss is facing charges ONLY for the episode with Ryan and Carrie, and not the other hundreds of murders he's committed and carefully recorded over the years, as was proven when this show still cared about Joe Carroll! The fact that nobody on Strauss's criminal team (hey, Juliana) was apparently ever vetted! 

 

And OF COURSE, a missing witness garners you one hour to find her or else ALL CHARGES GET DISMISSED. Ha. Hahahahahahaha NO. That is not how this shit works. You're granted a continuance or at the very most, a mistrial might be declared, but even with the last minute script patch Cliche' O' Matic kit (fruit of the poisonous tree and I can't unring that bell? There must have been a two for one sale!) there is no way someone like Strauss would be allowed to swing on down the courthouse steps and on to sweet, sweet freedom. It's like nobody who writes/produces The Following will acknowledge that Law & Order has been on the air for twenty fucking years. No audience member with an IQ higher than a box turtle's is going to believe this shit for one minute.

 

And speaking of that there witness, did you know that witnesses for huge, gigantic Federal trials for insanely dangerous individual get protection from private companies that are too cheap to put cameras in the actual hotel rooms? Or bother to question anybody who shows up looking like a low rent Halloween costumed Dana Scully saying she's there to escort the witness to court by herself? Or a man can get shot in the head in a hallway and not leave a drop of blood anywhere?

Or hey! My favorite: When Ryan and Co show up at said hotel room, they can look at the red rug, do the touch and sniff thing, and declare "bleach?" Yep, bleach. On a red rug. That apparently is magical bleach because it doesn't do what most bleach does, which is bleach things.

 

It'd be one thing if Ryan said "cleaning fluid," but apparently one intern watched six minutes of CSI one night, picked up the whole "bleach destroys DNA" thing and just flung it on into the script without a moment's thought. Because it's clear that they have never done a load of darks in their entire life. Every part of that hotel room and the hallway outside should have been covered with big white patches plus reeked like the inside of an industrial laundry.

 

And the best for last! Remember when I was bitching a while ago about losing my fucking mind? Well, here it is!

 

Okay, one thing this blighted curse of a show has been doing is establishing that Daisy and Kyle are high school sweeties who have never left their bucolic murder grounds of Where Ever, Ohio until they took this assignment for some ridiculous reason. They've said it several times, and at the end, when Strauss is preparing to flee the country with his briefcase of fugitive props on a Ukrainian freighter (and why is he fleeing in the rat infested belly of said Ukrainian freighter when ALL CHARGES AGAINST HIM WERE DISMISSED, you ask? Answer: Shut Up) and Daisy finds him and is all boo hoo hoo I can't live without Kyle sob sob sob but let's not get crazy, here, okay, Ukrainian freighter it is? He asks her if she's ever traveled by boat and she specifically says she's never been out of Ohio until three weeks ago.

 

All of which would be fine except for the fact that she and Kyle were apparently students of Strauss's.

 

Which. Is. Bullshit. Strauss taught exclusively at Lightford Academy, which is apparently somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard, but fucking definitely NOT IN OHIO. How, exactly, did "get high behind the metal shop" and "bone 'n blackmail teachers for As" ever meet, or even hear about this guy??? Did they Skype-audit his extra curricular murder classes? Did he do a TED talk on pulling out eyeballs? This show wants us to believe that the whole reason Kyle and Daisy did this at all was, at least initially, out of some twisted loyalty to their mentor but there is no no no no damn way he could have possibly mentored them in the first damn place. 

 

At least the idea of using Andrew, who has been established as a former student, to track them down using nefarious dark connections and hiring them and having them report to Juliana would make SOME kind of sense, but this makes none. Why did none of the three ever mention Strauss's name, even out of Mark's hearing? What is the connection between Strauss, Andrew's apparent loyalty to Lily to the point where he rescued Mark, and the whole benighted slaughter of the innocents crap that's been going on? I get that Strauss's plan was to use the murders that Mark wanted to commit as a piggyback to frame the FBI/ set that whole absurd "fake suicide" thing in place, but did Strauss know Lily or what? Were they rivals? WHAT THE HELL? 

 

Look, I can take internal flappings and spinnings on a show if they serve the internal logic of that show. But these maneuvers do no such thing--all any plot point is good for is to shove, tug, and drag the show to the next plot point, and any kind of sense-making be damned. Like Mark's bizarre insistence on taping his "interview," which had no purpose other then filler for one episode. Or the fact that the entire staged "suicide" was ONLY to get Kyle shot, which could have happened any one of dozen ways that were more organic to the story. Or the idea that Carrie Cooke is a hugely valuable witness against Strauss but was apparently running around unprotected for over a year, appearing on national television, and could have been dispatched much more easily and far less stupidly at any point in this timeline, especially if you're not even going to bother having the actress show up to reprise the role. 

 

Or the fact that said brutal murder, leading directly to the shooting of one of the co-conspirators, wouldn't have a hornet's nest of furious beyond words law enforcement basically carpet bombing that harbor. Or that giant ships are basically abandoned playgrounds with nobody on board as soon as they dock and it's a swell place for cat and mouse chases leading to a plunge overboard of the most annoying murderer so we get to look forward to his crazy ass resurfacing at some point to ruin future episodes. Or the bargain basement ripoff of Hannibal with Strauss and his blonde companion fleeing to Europe or wherever the hell they're going. Or...

 

But you get the idea. This damn show. And yes, I'll keep watching, if for no other reason than to see if there is a bottom to this barrel.

 

Oh, and the fact that JOE CARROLL IS FINALLY BACK! YES. James Purefoy alone among the cast knows how to don the magnificent, sweeping Cloak of Absurdity and strut and preen among the smoldering ashes that logic/continuity/sanity have been reduced to, bellowing random Bible verses, Poe quotations and looking like he's about to full on french Ryan at any moment. He'll make this mess worth it, wait and see.

Edited March 27, 2015 by Snookums

[morgankobi]

Snookums, I fully support you (and your husband's) bid for sanity!

[Chas411]

Did they just not want to bring the actress playing Carrie Cooke back? Considering how big her role was last season it seemed really weird that all we got were flashbacks and her apparent arm burning in a car..

[Desperately Random]

I read somewhere (can't remember where now) that the actress was due to have a baby or had recently given birth and so was unavailable to reprise the role.

[Chas411]

Thanks for that. I guess that explains it.

Also did they state in the episode why Kyle and Daisy were doing what Strauss wanted? Was he blackmailing them?

[thuganomics85]

 

Also did they state in the episode why Kyle and Daisy were doing what Strauss wanted? Was he blackmailing them?

I think they said that Kyle and Daisy had been other "students" of Strauss.  I'm pretty sure it was mentioned last season that Joe wasn't the only one Strauss trained to be a killer, so I'm guessing they came after.  And, I suspect, there will be more to come.

[ZoloftBlob]

Which. Is. Bullshit. Strauss taught exclusively at Lightford Academy, which is apparently somewhere on the Eastern Seaboard, but fucking definitely NOT IN OHIO. How, exactly, did "get high behind the metal shop" and "bone 'n blackmail teachers for As" ever meet, or even hear about this guy???

 

Further, I was under the impression that Lightford Academy was an all male private school. I could be wrong but.....

[MDKNIGHT]

"bellowing random Bible verses, Poe quotations and looking like he's about to full on french Ryan at any moment. He'll make this mess worth it, wait and see." Sorry the quotes function doesn't work for me from these computers,)

Back at TWOP during the first eps of season one I floated that Joe Carrol was way more interested in Ryan than in getting his ex wife back and I shocked more than a few people, but the show has proved me right over and over. That greeting at the end of the ep was definitely that of an ex hoping to start up again. It is one of the few consistently entertaining things about this show.

BTW while we can all agree that the court room stuff was a farce I wanted to point out that the Firemen murders don't make medical sense either. I've laughed at some of the murders in the past being physically impossible before and that hasn't changed. While I can believe 2 scrawny male and one tiny female wackos can murder 4 buff firemen, I can't believe they could have done it THIS way. Unless the girl stabbed that guy EVER JUST SO with THAT small knife he would have had enough strength to kill her before Mark came to her aid. In fact he'd probably have been so enraged in pain that he'd have been able to stab her multiple times before Mark showed up. How the heck did whichever Mark or the other guy (didn't see which) kill somebody COMPLETELY silently before Black Fireman can wake up? Even if he had been able to and believe me that was impossible, at the VERY least BF would have heard the carcass of his teammate hitting the ground, why would the murderer be able to kill BF? He had an axe or a knife. None of the firemen were out of shape 50 year olds with asthma. They were all in good shape. I renew my frequent request for some of these knuckleheads to run into a fit would be victim who knows how to fight and cleans their clock AT LEAST ONCE. At the very least the murder crew should have sustained heavy damage if they went against firemen hand to hand even if the plot dictate they win.

It is a good thing I had no respect for Daisy to begin with because going from telling poor judge's daughter the pawn that there was no way she could live without her man to saying "Whelp he's dead. Onward with my teacher and outward to Europe as his girlfriend," within a few hours would have ruined any I had. In a way though I'm glad the show showed she's that shallow and that everything she said before about her and the boyfriend was a pack of lies. One of the few things that made sense to me because that kind of person is narcissistic and they believe their love is THE best love ever, but they actually don't love at all. It's like when Carrol heard Mandy (BTW nice turn as Ursula the young mermaid on Once Upon a Time) being murdered over the phone and was not even tempted to trade himself for her despite making it seem like he loved her like a daughter and how he was pretty over it right away.