Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[peacheslatour]

5 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

And, for every person telling you/us to "get tough!" there's someone else telling us "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" (which, although I know what it's supposed to mean, never made sense to me). 
And, undoubtedly, if you choose the "get tough" approach, 9 times out of 10 it will turn out you should have played it more sweet and sympathetic, whereas the opposite is also true. 
As Mom used to say: "Can't win for losing."

If you don't mind sharing, what's up with the car?

As women, we have the watch out for the dreaded "Karen" appellation too.

[TattleTeeny]

It keeps draining batteries. I have used up my AAA service for the entire year in the course of just 2 months, have brought it to 3 mechanics (including the dealer), and replaced the battery. No one can find the problem.  

EDIT: I should add that I have never before had a single problem (other than the normal maintenance stuff) with this car, ever. Also, I have received excellent service from this dealer always (except once, when they forgot to call me that a part had come in).

Edited November 9, 2021 by TattleTeeny

[Mondrianyone]

Do you have a Twitter account? If not, it might be time to open one. I've seen it happen more than once that when someone has gone through all the "proper" channels the way you have, with no satisfaction, a single tweet aimed at the corporate office gets results. They don't like getting called out where everyone can see.

[peacheslatour]

7 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

It keeps draining batteries. I have used up my AAA service for the entire year in the course of just 2 months, have brought it to 3 mechanics (including the dealer), and replaced the battery. No one can find the problem.  

EDIT: I should add that I have never before had a single problem (other than the normal maintenance stuff) with this car, ever. Also, I have received excellent service from this dealer always (except once, when they forgot to call me that a part had come in).

That happened to my beloved Camry. My husband is a professional auto mechanic and he couldn't find out why it kept stalling. So he took it all over town. Nobody could figure it out, not ever the guys at the Jag shop. We still have it because my husband is sure, someday the solution will magically come to him. Car guys. 

[TattleTeeny]

Maybe I will -- but I'd rather not, partly because they still have my car!

[shapeshifter]

8 minutes ago, TattleTeeny said:

It keeps draining batteries. I have used up my AAA service for the entire year in the course of just 2 months, have brought it to 3 mechanics (including the dealer), and replaced the battery. No one can find the problem.  

EDIT: I should add that I have never before had a single problem (other than the normal maintenance stuff) with this car, ever. Also, I have received excellent service from this dealer always (except once, when they forgot to call me that a part had come in).

I don't know if this is still a thing, but back in the old days, a car that kept draining the battery had an alternator problem or a starter problem or both. Maybe you could ask if they've check those parts?

 

1 minute ago, Mondrianyone said:

Do you have a Twitter account? If not, it might be time to open one. I've seen it happen more than once that when someone has gone through all the "proper" channels the way you have, with no satisfaction, a single tweet aimed at the corporate office gets results. They don't like getting called out where everyone can see.

That actually helped a tiny bit with AT&T, but ultimately the solution was to drop AT&T and join my daughter's family plan with Verizon.

[TattleTeeny]

They checked all the "usual suspects" (as did the other 2 mechanics). What the dealer did not do, apparently, was a "parasitic draw" test -- which I knew about only because my uncle (also a mechanic -- and guilty of "be tough!") told me to call them back and ask. Turns out that, even though they had my car for an entire week, they didn't do that. Which seems stupid, considering what the car's problem is.

[Mindthinkr]

1 hour ago, TattleTeeny said:

was a "parasitic draw" test -

I don’t even have a clue what that is. It’s not like cars can get worms! 

[TattleTeeny]

Just that something undetectable to the naked eye is pulling power from the stupid battery, even if you're not leaving something on. Apparently, it could be the Sirius XM antenna or possibly a remote starter (which I don't have) or even the key fob thing. Per a not super-in-depth Googling on my part, it's not that out of the ordinary for my type of car, ugh.

Edited November 9, 2021 by TattleTeeny

[EtheltoTillie]

6 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

Do you have a Twitter account? If not, it might be time to open one. I've seen it happen more than once that when someone has gone through all the "proper" channels the way you have, with no satisfaction, a single tweet aimed at the corporate office gets results. They don't like getting called out where everyone can see.

This is really true.  I co-sign this.  I rarely use Twitter, but I do use it this way from time to time. 

[Mondrianyone]

I've been accumulating peeves all week, and today was a particularly crappy, peevish day. And then, strangely, an image of Carol Burnett popped into my mind, singing a song. I couldn't remember the title, couldn't remember the name of the person she was singing about, but I knew it would cheer me up. So I Googled and found a clip. Maybe it will make someone else laugh, too.

Then again, I may be the only person here with the vaguest idea of who John Foster Dulles was.

 

[EtheltoTillie]

38 minutes ago, Mondrianyone said:

I've been accumulating peeves all week, and today was a particularly crappy, peevish day. And then, strangely, an image of Carol Burnett popped into my mind, singing a song. I couldn't remember the title, couldn't remember the name of the person she was singing about, but I knew it would cheer me up. So I Googled and found a clip. Maybe it will make someone else laugh, too.

Then again, I may be the only person here with the vaguest idea of who John Foster Dulles was.

 

What an enormous talent. I really enjoyed reading her autobiography that came out in the late 80s. Also I’m another oldster who knows about John Foster Dulles. 

Edited November 10, 2021 by GussieK

[peacheslatour]

40 minutes ago, GussieK said:

What an enormous talent. I really enjoyed reading her autobiography that came out in the late 80s. Also I’m another oldster who knows about John Foster Dulles. 

 

The airport guy, right?

 

 

[Calvada]

On 11/6/2021 at 6:01 PM, theredhead77 said:

I didn't get my degree untilI was nearly 30. I did a bunch of CC classes, and worked, but looking back I can see that my aimlessness and basically "wasting" my 20s negatively impacted my earning potential, and retirement savings. I wish I had been encouraged to persue a trade or alternate education path instead of being encouraged to work as a receptionist or clerical clerk. Not that there is anything wrong with administrative positions but my career path wasn't to be the next Donna Moss, or Donna Paulsen.

Donna Moss did become the Chief of Staff to the First Lady of the United States.  This happens in real life, not just on my TV, right?

My parents and their friends were huge proponents of getting a college education, mostly because they didn't have that opportunity and they wanted more for their children.  The son of really good friends of my family devastated his parents when he didn't go to college; instead he apprenticed himself to a plumber.  From his parents' reaction, you would have thought he announced he was going into heroin dealing.  Of course, 20 years later he had his own business employing about 50 people and he could buy and sell all of us college graduates.

[Mondrianyone]

13 hours ago, GussieK said:

What an enormous talent. I really enjoyed reading her autobiography that came out in the late 80s. Also I’m another oldster who knows about John Foster Dulles. 

I prefer to think of myself as knowledgeable and well educated, thank you very much.

[theredhead77]

13 hours ago, Calvada said:

Donna Moss did become the Chief of Staff to the First Lady of the United States.  This happens in real life, not just on my TV, right?

Totally. It just wasn't my career path if I stayed on that path.

[shapeshifter]

Also didn't graduate from college until later in life, but I am going to interrupt the discussion for one of my regular rants, this time...

When I moved into the condo I purchased that I should not have, the former owner had taken the washer and dryer.
I bought new ones that were delivered yesterday, with the washer being a problem. 
The delivery people did not follow any of the prescribed protocols, so I may have some recourse.
Anyway, here's my review that I posted about the product (LG WT7100CW 4.5 cu. ft. Top Load Washer):

• Do not buy if you are under 5'9".
  Tub is 27" deep. Distance from my armpit to longest fingertip is 24". Not suitable for average height women or short men. Sales people don't know this.
  No exchanges permitted. 

Thank you for letting me rant.

ETA: It seems all top loading impeller washing machines are all showing 27" deep or more?? 
I'm curious. 
Anyone care to post the distance from your armpit to longest finger's tip? 

And now back to the discussion.

 

Edited November 10, 2021 by shapeshifter

[Mindthinkr]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

Anyone care to post the distance from your armpit to longest finger's tip? 

I have the same issue so I measured. 19”

I’m very petite and almost have to dive into my washer to get that one last thing that stays behind when I am emptying it. 

[shapeshifter]

11 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

I have the same issue so I measured. 19”

I’m very petite and almost have to dive into my washer to get that one last thing that stays behind when I am emptying it. 

Thank you for sharing. It confirms what I thought. I'm only 5'1", but my shortness is mostly my really short torso. My arms, legs, fingers, toes, neck and nose are all average.

ETA: On the very outside chance that they are willing to exchange, does anyone have anything good to say about front loaders?

Edited November 10, 2021 by shapeshifter

[peacheslatour]

Okay, since we're all measuring our arms, from pit to fingertip is 26". My top loader is 22" deep. It's a Maytag. I'm 5'2".

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, peacheslatour said:

Okay, since we're all measuring our arms, from pit to fingertip is 26". My top loader is 22" deep. It's a Maytag. I'm 5'2".

Is your top loader an "impeller," meaning it has no agitator?
I thought the impeller would be great for washing coverlets, blankets, puffy coats, and other big items here where it's cold much of the year. And I was able to wash the giant coverlet I got from my daughter. But removing the agitator makes them much deeper. 
I just tried looking for "apartment size impeller washer" and found one that is 3 cu. ft. instead of the enormous 4.5 cu. ft. that I purchased, and thought: That sounds perfect! 
But.
I guess apartments size means tall and skinny? 
It's frickin' 39" tall! I'd need a ladder to get my socks out of the bottom of the tub!
Or at least one of those shark grabbers. Which I might get anyway.

[peacheslatour]

13 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

Is your top loader an "impeller," meaning it has no agitator?
I thought the impeller would be great for washing coverlets, blankets, puffy coats, and other big items here where it's cold much of the year. And I was able to wash the giant coverlet I got from my daughter. But removing the agitator makes them much deeper. 
I just tried looking for "apartment size impeller washer" and found one that is 3 cu. ft. instead of the enormous 4.5 cu. ft. that I purchased, and thought: That sounds perfect! 
But.
I guess apartments size means tall and skinny? 
It's frickin' 39" tall! I'd need a ladder to get my socks out of the bottom of the tub!
Or at least one of those shark grabbers. Which I might get anyway.

Mine is 35" tall. No wonder you can't get your arm down there. Everyone I know who has one of those shark grabbers just loves theirs.

 

And now for an advertising Peeve. I just saw a commercial for Motrin. Apparently it helps with "uncomfortable" period pain. Uncomfortable? Like spending 24 agonizing hours flat on my back in bed every month "uncomfortable"? Every month from the time I was 11 years old until I was in my late teens "uncomfortable". That kind of "uncomfortable", you fucking twits?

[Nicmar]

On 10/30/2021 at 10:41 PM, Gramto6 said:

My 7 yard tigers (all gray tiger cats) are all ferrals, in case of fire/emergency I think they would be long gone before I even got out the door!  These cats climb trees, go onto the roof of my garage, over the fence into the neighbor's yard, etc..  I would be incredibly sad to lose any of them, but I think they can really fend for themselves if need be for a while. They know this is home and where they will be fed 3X a day so they will come back. 

My heart was broken a couple years ago when I lost my sweet rescue Baby Boo and I really just can't bring 7 cats into my house. They are well fed and watered and I am making a shelter for the Winter for them. Fire season is done for us here it is just the cold of Winter...they do huddle together to keep warm under the deck...

I love your description of your cats. 😃🐱

[Lady Whistleup]

I am really tired of the term "you're soft." It's the kind of generalized term that I absolutely hate, and a certain type of asshole loves to use it. 

[shapeshifter]

1 hour ago, Lady Whistleup said:

I am really tired of the term "you're soft." It's the kind of generalized term that I absolutely hate, and a certain type of asshole loves to use it. 

Soft is good:

Edited November 11, 2021 by shapeshifter

[ginger90]

18 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

ETA: On the very outside chance that they are willing to exchange, does anyone have anything good to say about front loaders?

Pros, ease of loading and unloading is a plus. The clothes get a good spin. They use less water.

Cons, the gasket can get moldy. They are more expensive.

[Leeds]

 

17 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

And now for an advertising Peeve. I just saw a commercial for Motrin. Apparently it helps with "uncomfortable" period pain. Uncomfortable? Like spending 24 agonizing hours flat on my back in bed every month "uncomfortable"? Every month from the time I was 11 years old until I was in my late teens "uncomfortable". That kind of "uncomfortable", you fucking twits?

Unfortunately it's probably just another example of a commercial aimed at women that's been written by men.

[shapeshifter]

16 minutes ago, Leeds said:

Unfortunately it's probably just another example of a commercial aimed at women that's been written by men.

That, and if any women did weigh in, they were not women who had excruciating "cramps."
It's like those pad commercials showing a teaspoon of pale blue liquid. I had (putting in spoilers for the delicately minded)...

Spoiler

...not only pain as bad as the transition stage of labor without anything for pain,
but clots the size of my thumb and lost at least a quart per month.
Thankfully I went through menopause relatively early and haven't had a period since I was 50. 
But of my 3 daughters: 1 has "just" bad cramps, 1 has "just" really heavy flow, and the third has both like I did. 
Interestingly, the 3rd daughter is the only one who is choosing to get pregnant (is now).

Oh. And for really terrible cramps, 1 daughter found relief with low dose birth control pills, but it took her 2 years and experimenting with 5 different kinds to find one that worked and didn't make her fat, mad, sad, and or break out.

[shapeshifter]

Most recent peeve:

Being required to send a FAX that includes my name, birth date and address in order to get medical records (CDs of imaging) sent to the medical facilities where I am now living. 

How on earth does that not potentially violate HIPAA more than, say, uploading a PDF of the request to the EPIC system (that all major health care facilities are seemingly now using--at least in Illinois and NY), and why on earth in the EPIC system can I not select the Radiology department to send a message to with my request attached???

[RealHousewife]

Speaking of period pain, I'm fortunate that it's never been that bad for me. I didn't get cramps for years, and even when I do, I don't deal with some of the intense pain many women do. But yeah for years I'd be like, what is this PMS everyone is talking about? Is it something I'll experience when I'm older? Now older, so no, still not so bad. 

However, I used to get migraines, and that is another thing some people don't always believe if they don't experience them themselves. I'm the only one in my family who gets them. It's a pet peeve when someone thinks you're exaggerating about the pain and what you deal with. 

[Browncoat]

I had terrible cramps, heavy flow, and to top it off, was highly irregular.  I've never been so grateful for anything like I was grateful for the Pill.  My pet peeve now, though, is the bloody hot flashes.  We're coming up on three years since those started, and I can't really tell that they're calming down at all.

[shapeshifter]

8 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

However, I used to get migraines, and that is another thing some people don't always believe if they don't experience them themselves. I'm the only one in my family who gets them. It's a pet peeve when someone thinks you're exaggerating about the pain and what you deal with. 

I had my first acknowledged “sick headache” (1950s terminology) when I was 4 years old. In my 40s sumatriptan changed my life for the better. 
In my 30s I used to get so mad at my then-husband when he’d say “You’re giving me a headache,” because he never had a headache in his life. 
But I’m guilty of having made metaphorical references to “pain in the neck” and “pain in the butt” which I now know are real, chronic pains.

[RealHousewife]

Just now, shapeshifter said:

I had my first acknowledged “sick headache” (1950s terminology) when I was 4 years old. In my 40s sumatriptan changed my life for the better. 
In my 30s I used to get so mad at my then-husband when he’d say “You’re giving me a headache,” because he never had a headache in his life. 
But I’m guilty of having made metaphorical references to “pain in the neck” and “pain in the butt” which I now know are real, chronic pains.

Oh those expressions don't bother me tbh. It's when people are like, are you sure it's a migraine? Or act like all headaches are the same. 

[Mondrianyone]

I get migraines, but without the headache. They're optical migraines--I call them "eyegraines"--with just the visual field disturbance. I've only ever gotten one once when I was driving, which scared me, but I pulled over till it went away.

My husband taught me this technique called "palming" where you lie on your back and cup the lower part of the palms of your hands over your eyes. When I do that, the jagged light usually goes away in about ten minutes. Never had the pain or nausea, thank goodness.

[peacheslatour]

4 minutes ago, Mondrianyone said:

I get migraines, but without the headache. They're optical migraines--I call them "eyegraines"--with just the visual field disturbance. I've only ever gotten one once when I was driving, which scared me, but I pulled over till it went away.

My husband taught me this technique called "palming" where you lie on your back and cup the lower part of the palms of your hands over your eyes. When I do that, the jagged light usually goes away in about ten minutes. Never had the pain or nausea, thank goodness.

I get those too. But it's always a precursor to a full blown migraine. If I take Ibuprofin as soon as I start seeing them, I can usually avert the headache and nausea.

[Mondrianyone]

I'm one of the lucky ones. I can deal with the visual stuff if I don't have the pain and vomiting to look forward to, and I never have.

[Bastet]

I have endometriosis, so my periods are miserable (in terms of both flow and pain), and I get migraines, although thankfully not very many of those anymore.  And, yes, it is incredibly aggravating when people who don't suffer these maladies dismiss them as "just" something.  "It's just cramps/It's just a bad headache; take some pills and let's go."

No, they're specific things that cause intense, sometimes debilitating pain and other disruptions.  Those who don't endure them have no reason to know that on their own, but when someone who does explains what it's like, the proper response is along the "How awful" lines.  It is not to think "It can't be that bad" because it does not line up with their own experience.

[shapeshifter]

For many decades it has made me mad to think of my mom's boss in the 70s-80s (when she was an elementary school secretary to the principal) and he would tell her that her cramps were "all in her head." 

She eventually had a hysterectomy at age 42 because of anemia due to heavy periods, which I think is barbaric, but she had no regrets. I always thought if she should have at least first been able to try elevating her feet at her desk at work.

Around that time a gf told me about PMS, and I latched onto that explanation very tightly for my mood swings until recently (even though--come to think of it--I haven't had a period in 18 years) when a daughter told me it's not true, and that it is used to belittle women in the workplace.
Same daughter also told me the belief that women synchronize periods when they live/work together is a myth, although I'm not convinced that the debunking data is accurate in today's studies given the widespread use of BC pills to regulate periods.

Edited November 11, 2021 by shapeshifter

[emma675]

5 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

She eventually had a hysterectomy at age 42 to stop them, which I think is barbaric, but she had no regrets

I get cramps so bad they've caused me to vomit, pass out, given me migraines, etc. so I wouldn't call a hysterectomy at any age "barbaric." When a body part makes you miserable, you do whatever is necessary to solve the problem. 

[SusanM]

35 minutes ago, shapeshifter said:

For many decades it has made me mad to think of my mom's boss in the 70s-80s (when she was an elementary school secretary to the principal) and he would tell her that her cramps were "all in her head." 

This reminds me of the school nurse when I was in high school.  I'd go to her with cramps so painful I was throwing up and she'd tell me to "walk it off".  I could barely move without crying, but sure, walking if off should work.  Luckily for me my mother wasn't having any of that and would always come to get me.  Best thing that ever happened to me was going on birth control pills to control my periods.  And when I had my kids afterwards the period pain really was the "pop a tylenol and you're good" kind of pain,

I absolutely despise it when TV shows, usually sitcoms, talk about periods and period pain as if it's a big freaking joke.  Very huge pet peeve of mine.

Edited November 11, 2021 by SusannahM

[Browncoat]

1 hour ago, shapeshifter said:

She eventually had a hysterectomy at age 42 because of anemia due to heavy periods, which I think is barbaric,

If I could go back in time and make my younger self more assertive, I would likely have gotten a hysterectomy in my 20s.  And had no regrets.

[isalicat]

4 hours ago, Browncoat said:

I had terrible cramps, heavy flow, and to top it off, was highly irregular.  I've never been so grateful for anything like I was grateful for the Pill.  My pet peeve now, though, is the bloody hot flashes.  We're coming up on three years since those started, and I can't really tell that they're calming down at all.

I did the super painful period with heavy flow from age 10-1/2 until prescription Motrin became available when I was about 16 or so....then the pill helped but gave me daily headaches. Had a full range hysterectomy at age 50 and so now I have had the hot flashes for 15 years....Life is grand for women, eh? (Actually I generally don't complain about any of this because I could be dealing with it all someplace really dire...and the hot flashes are my only menopausal symptom so I can cope with that.) I'm told that since I started my period so young the menopause will probably last until I am considerably older than average as well 😬

[shapeshifter]

18 minutes ago, isalicat said:

I'm told that since I started my period so young the menopause will probably last until I am considerably older than average as well 😬

Well, that's not fair!

[Mindthinkr]

1 hour ago, isalicat said:

I'm told that since I started my period so young the menopause will probably last until I am considerably older than average as well 😬

I’d take that with a grain of salt. I got my first literally on my 10th birthday and I was peri at 45 and done at 48. 

[Katy M]

1 hour ago, isalicat said:

I'm told that since I started my period so young the menopause will probably last until I am considerably older than average as well

I would think the sooner you start the sooner you'd finish.  Or maybe that if you have lots of kids you'll stop later (because you skipped those periods).  My superscientific musings.

[isalicat]

38 minutes ago, Mindthinkr said:

I’d take that with a grain of salt. I got my first literally on my 10th birthday and I was peri at 45 and done at 48. 

Wish that were me - at age 50 before I had surgery I was still having very regular periods. I think ultimately we are all unique as to our particular combination of genetics, propensities, and lifestyles so all predictions about this stuff is like weather forecasting :)

[shapeshifter]

Speaking of our organs of procreation, I've now heard of 2 women who recently gave birth 2 weeks late because there wasn't enough room in the hospitals for "non-emergencies," whereas at least one of the women had been told that going more than 3 days over the due date is no longer advised, but apparently Covid etc. is causing the facilities to jettison that medical advice. 😨

[Calvada]

I had a hysterectomy at 47 after years of irregular, heavy periods.  Absolutely the best decision I ever made; my only regret is I didn't do it earlier.  I worked with a women who gave up smoking, as did her husband. They were both 2 packs per day smokers.  Each week, they put the money they would have spent on cigarettes into a shoe box; after a year, they used it for a trip to Europe.  I should have done that with my tampon/pads/ibuprofen money;  I think I could have purchased a new car.  

My peeve today - my library has gone from a large return bin to a book return slot where you can put only one book in at a time.  It then travels on a conveyor belt to the inner regions of the library presumably to an employee who checks it in.  One slot, one book at a time.  How do I always manage to be behind someone who has a small child, about 3 to 4 dozen books, and allows the 2 year old to slowly feed the books in?  Why aren't these parents like my mom, who would have immediately said, "Calvada, let the person who only has 1 book go ahead of us."   I'm glad people are using libraries and encouraging children to read, but teaching one's child to be courteous is also a good thing. 

[RealHousewife]

Stress rashes Bad enough being stressed, but must my skin freak out too??!

[SusanM]

3 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Stress rashes Bad enough being stressed, but must my skin freak out too??!

I'd heard of stress related eczema but never experienced it until we had a death in the family a few years ago.  Then came the pandemic.  Sigh.