Pet Peeves: Aka Things That Make You Go "Gah!"

[Dimity]

2 hours ago, Anela said:

Right, and thank you. He didn't talk to me, at all. 

I know it can sometimes be difficult to tell if someone is joking around and if they are being cruel.  In the situation you found yourself in there was really no room for doubt.  What a totally nasty person.

[StatisticalOutlier]

11 hours ago, Absolom said:

I can be a bit of a smart mouth and would probably have popped off with and you don't realize I'm asking you to shut it down because its driving me straight up the wall?! 

Actually, a woman near them had moved away, which is what spurred me to action.  So I responded that they were bothering both me and this other woman as well, but then the other woman said she moved because the air conditioner was blowing on her.   😀

But I had a nice encounter with someone watching a phone--I went to Wienerschnitzel to load up on a delicacy (green chile chili cheese dogs, available only at a few locations in some parts of New Mexico) and the kid behind the counter was watching something on his phone as I walked up, and I thought I recognized the bright pink set and asked him if that was The Graham Norton Show.  He said he was, and I complimented on his (unexpectedly) good taste.

[graybrown bird]

On 3/7/2025 at 6:50 PM, roseha said:

 

Pet peeve, doesn't anyone make mixed nuts that aren't loaded with almonds?  I don't mind them generally but the skins are rather bitter and there are so many in the nuts I buy (even from nuts.com who are a great company) that it looks like 60 to 70 percent almonds in there.

I order mixed nuts from Sunnyland Farms, a Georgia place.  The kind I buy has pecans (yum), cashews, almonds, hazelnuts, and Brazil nuts.  If anything, the mix is a tad heavy on the cashews (OK by me).

Edited March 9 by graybrown bird
Deleted unneeded words.

[Blergh]

OK, my twice-daily asthma powder now costs three times as much as it did last year even WITH insurance (and the pharmacy told me it was either insurance or Good Rx but I could no longer use both like last year).

I don't blame the pharmacist because that individual doesn't set the price.

However,

 

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Yeah, I paid for it since I happen to like breathing and the last time I quit using it within two months I had some of my worst attacks in ages.

Thankfully, I'm still employed (unlike so many these days) but still. ..

[oliviabenson]

On 3/7/2025 at 7:50 PM, roseha said:

As far as I know, my card from the New York Public Library has to be renewed in person every three years.  I mainly use it to download e-books, but now that you all mention it, I wonder if it will need to be renewed again soon...

Pet peeve, doesn't anyone make mixed nuts that aren't loaded with almonds?  I don't mind them generally but the skins are rather bitter and there are so many in the nuts I buy (even from nuts.com who are a great company) that it looks like 60 to 70 percent almonds in there.

it is every 3 years. I just got mine renewed! 

And I dislike almonds a lot!

[oliviabenson]

my insurance stopped paying for 2 medications already. yay for spending more $ to live. 

[Is Everyone Gone]

My new pet peeve is professional, staged proposal photos. I can understand doing it if you're a celebrity, but recently it's become de rigeur for everyone to have those. 

[StatisticalOutlier]

28 minutes ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

My new pet peeve is professional, staged proposal photos.

My longstanding pet peeve is proposals at all.  Like, miss?  If you want to get married, discuss it with your boyfriend.  If he agrees, great--y'all get married.  If he doesn't, then continue to go out with him if it's really not that big of a deal whether you're married or not, and break up when it does become a big deal to you.

But the waiting for a proposal is not cute, especially when the proposal becomes a big damn deal showing how thoughtful the proposer is.  Nah, you kept her waiting and wondering; you don't get to be the hero.

Everybody's all about equality and balance in relationships, and yet we still embrace and encourage this massive imbalance when it comes to making this particular life-altering decision.

And, obviously, don't get me started on asking her father's permission, or even blessing. 

 

 

[fastiller]

@StatisticalOutlier - YUP!!! SING IT!!!  

[PRgal]

My husband proposed to me in our hotel room while we were on a weekend getaway in the Niagara region!  He hid a Build-a-Bear bear on my side of the bed while I was in the bathroom.  Came out, saw the bear and he got on one knee and asked.  Very cute!  What gets silly are PROMposals!  That didn't exist when I was in high school!

[Wiendish Fitch]

25 minutes ago, Is Everyone Gone said:

My new pet peeve is professional, staged proposal photos. I can understand doing it if you're a celebrity, but recently it's become de rigeur for everyone to have those. 

I agree. It sucks the spontaneity and romance out of it. Mr. Fitch proposed to me in the privacy of his home, and I will always love that he did it that way. 

[Bastet]

Yeah, everything about proposals is a peeve to me, since I think they're an utterly ridiculous way to get engaged.

"Promposals" are on another level of ridiculous.  When I was in high school, if you were dating someone there wasn't even a need to ask, it was simply a given that you would go together, and if not and you wanted to ask someone to go with you to prom (which not everyone did; plenty of people went with their friend group, or skipped it), you asked, "Hey, wanna go to the prom with me?"  That was it. 

[Dimity]

2 hours ago, StatisticalOutlier said:

And, obviously, don't get me started on asking her father's permission, or even blessing. 

Ugh.  I especially hate when they pull this on TV shows when the woman in question is in her 30s and has been living on her own for years (Everybody Love Raymond I'm looking at you) and somehow if no permission  is given, the marriage may not take place, I mean come on! 

[Bastet]

Long ago, I asked my dad what he'd do if a boyfriend came to him and asked if he could propose to me, and my dad said once he stopped laughing, he'd tell the guy it had been nice knowing him, because once I found out about this, there would be no more relationship, never mind marriage.  100% accurate.

Edited March 11 by Bastet

[Trini]

8 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I once asked my dad what he'd do if a boyfriend came to him and asked if he could propose to me, and my dad said once he stopped laughing, he'd tell the guy it had been nice knowing him, because once I found out about this, there would be no more relationship, never mind marriage.  100% accurate.

LOL - And besides that, in my case, he'd be asking the wrong parent. If anyone has to give "permission", it'd be Mom; who actually raised me.

[annzeepark914]

I think proposals have become something totally different from what they were back in the day. Our daughter & SIL went to New Zealand for the proposal (they left the real diamond at home & brought along a zircon version). We all kept getting emails saying, "...it hasn't happened yet". WTH??? And they weren't young 20-somethings either. I'm not sure what to call this. It's sort of like creating your own celeb event, complete with your very own paparazzi, to garner lots of attention. That's the only way I can describe it. Same thing with gender announcement events. Attention, attention, attention on us!

 

 

 

 

 

[Dimity]

Call me old fashioned but what I do not understand is a young couple living together, buying a house together, having children together and then making a big deal about getting engaged.  Engaged mind you, not married.

My son and his now wife did this.  I don't have any issue with the New Order which seems to put the wedding last, if there is a wedding at all, but a formal engagement seems a trifle redundant.  

I admit I said as much to my son and he laughed but said his girlfriend (sorry chuckles but  girlfriend seems an odd way to refer to the mother of your children but whatever!) really wanted the whole proposal and ring thing.  I mean sure they weren't hurting anyone but we're allowed to go, um okay!

[Quof]

58 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

I'm not sure what to call this. It's sort of like creating your own celeb event, complete with your very own paparazzi, to garner lots of attention.

Living your life for Instagram.

[oliviabenson]

gender reveals are worse than the engagement ones. honestly it doesn't matter and no one cares.

[Annber03]

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

gender reveals are worse than the engagement ones. honestly it doesn't matter and no one cares.

Agreed. Especially since some of them have wound up causing actual damage to property and parts of their town to some degree. I don't get the big production over such an announcement or why they think the world needs to know what they're having. 

(I also hate thsoe kinds of parties because they seem to have coincided with some really backwards attitudes about gender in general that are running rampant nowadays, but that's a whole other topic for a political discussion.)

Agreed on the big to do about proposals/promposals*, too. It's like people don't know how to make important moments in their lives/relationships special and intimate anymore, everything has to be a big show and a big production now and it's ridiculous. 

*I didn't have a date to either my junior or senior prom. I went with a group of my friends. And yet miraculously I still managed to have a great time!

(Did get to share a dance with a guy I had a crush on at my junior one, though, so that was nice :D.) 

[PRgal]

5 hours ago, Dimity said:

Ugh.  I especially hate when they pull this on TV shows when the woman in question is in her 30s and has been living on her own for years (Everybody Love Raymond I'm looking at you) and somehow if no permission  is given, the marriage may not take place, I mean come on! 

I think it's cute. And my husband did that.  :) Am I the weird, really old fashioned one here?

[Blergh]

On 3/11/2025 at 3:59 PM, oliviabenson said:

gender reveals are worse than the engagement ones. honestly it doesn't matter and no one cares.

I agree! To each one's own .

However,I say that if the British Royal family can wait until birth to find out their offspring's genders, then I don't see why anyone else would have more of a pressing need.  FWIW, just get onesies that can be worn inside out with pink/blue on the outside and the inverse on the inside so the bundle of joy can be clothed ASAP after their first bath and get a teddy bear that either gender would be happy to embrace instead of worrying out whether to gift a football or a doll before the little one's birth.

Edited March 14 by Blergh

[isalicat]

2 hours ago, PRgal said:

I think it's cute. And my husband did that.  :) Am I the weird, really old fashioned one here?

I'm "old fashioned" about a lot of things, but the idea of my (future) husband asking my father permission to marry me never occurred to me, and this was literally 47 years ago. I'm no one's possession or ward, and being my father's very loved daughter did not give my dad veto power over any of my choices once I left home (at 16, actually - for college 😸 ). My (future) husband and I had been living together a year before we decided (mutually) to get married so there was none of that getting down on a knee - I think we were actually sprawled on the bed on a fine summer day contemplating the ceiling LOL.

Oh...a peeve, for the thread's sake: Making a wedding so stressful for everyone involved that the happy couple regrets getting married before they can even "launch". People need to dial down on these huge destination event weddings in my opinion (I live in a place where they take place regularly so I get to observe many frazzled families.)

[Absolom]

We also live in a "destination" so one of my kids got married at a frequently used spot for destination weddings.  It was kind of funny with me living right here.  We got a resident discount.  😉

I approve of my daughter's gender reveals.  They were just like her pregnancy announcements.  Mom I'm pregnant/we're having a boy/girl and don't talk about it you're the only one we're telling right now.  So for about two or three months I knew, but had to pretend ignorance.  She knew who to tell though.  

[Bastet]

25 minutes ago, Blergh said:

However,I say that if the British Royal family can wait until birth to find out their offspring's genders, then I don't see why anyone else would have more of a pressing need.  FWIW, just get onesies that can be worn inside out with pink/blue on the outside and the inverse on the inside so the bundle of joy can be clothed ASAP after their first bath and get a teddy bear that either gender would be happy to embrace instead of worrying out whether to gift a football or a doll before the little's birth.

I wouldn't look to the British royal family for guidance on any life choices and don't take exception to people finding out the biological sex of their fetus (I will, however, never in my life attend a reveal party [thankfully, I do not have among my current associations anyone who'd throw such a party]), but if they're using that as a basis to go out and buy pink or blue, or doll or football, they're perpetuating tired bullshit before the baby even comes into existence, and the likelihood of them bombarding the kid with unexamined sexist stereotyping during her/their/his formative years is a potential problem.

[Browncoat]

My ongoing and long-time peeve is the assigning of gender to colors.  I'm female and hate pink.  I hate that pink has been assigned female.  I'm not a fan of gender-reveal parties, either, and it's at least partly because of the color thing.  

[Dimity]

I've only known a few people who did a gender reveal and even then it was nothing like the over the top (and potentially dangerous) ones that get featured on social media.  Usually it's just for fun and involves balloons or cupcakes type thing, nothing dramatic. In the most recent situation it was my niece and her husband letting their two daughters know whether they were getting a little brother or sister.  Their reaction was adorable BTW.

But it is risky.  I knew another couple who did a little reveal to let their daughter find out she was getting a brother.  She burst into tears and was inconsolable for hours. 

Edited March 12 by Dimity

[annzeepark914]

And then there are the dads, who let the world know, at the parties,  how angry they are that they're not getting a son.

[Dimity]

1 minute ago, annzeepark914 said:

And then there are the dads, who let the world know, at the parties,  how angry they are that they're not getting a son.

And why wasn't dear old Dad at the ultrasound in the first place if it meant that much to him? 

Jeeze, this generation of parents mostly has Dad practically over involved in every aspect of the pregnancy and the childbirth.  My daughter, for instance, was shocked to learn that after she was born her father went home.  And went to work the next day.  I had to explain that "back in my day" it was considered a step forward that Dad was even in the delivery room, having him stay at the hospital 24/7 afterwards was pretty much unheard of.

[Wiendish Fitch]

4 minutes ago, annzeepark914 said:

And then there are the dads, who let the world know, at the parties,  how angry they are that they're not getting a son.

That attitude is still a thing?

Good god, can the world just end already?!?!

[PRgal]

5 minutes ago, Dimity said:

And why wasn't dear old Dad at the ultrasound in the first place if it meant that much to him? 

Jeeze, this generation of parents mostly has Dad practically over involved in every aspect of the pregnancy and the childbirth.  My daughter, for instance, was shocked to learn that after she was born her father went home.  And went to work the next day.  I had to explain that "back in my day" it was considered a step forward that Dad was even in the delivery room, having him stay at the hospital 24/7 afterwards was pretty much unheard of.

People tend to find out at the 20 week scan, right?  Maybe dad didn't go?  We knew early because we did non-invasive genetic screening through bloodwork (there was only one test we could do because of gestational surrogacy/donor embryo.  There are actually two tests if you were carrying your own genetic child).  My surrogate messaged me to tell me, and I did a private reveal to my husband by buying a blue frosted cookie, wrapped it and had him open it for dessert that night.

We didn't announce to the rest of the world until our shower, making guests guess whether we were "Team XX" or "Team XY."  And then we told them after the results were announced.  And that was also when the rest of the world found out.

Edited March 12 by PRgal

[fastiller]

I thought the whole idea behind gender reveal parties (& I cringe as I type those, for the same reasons @Bastet outlined above) is that neither parent know. The ultrasound tech writes the gender down on a paper and the couple hands that paper to a baker or whomever who makes a cake or whatever signifying gender and that's revealed at the event with parents being equally surprised as the rest of the folks attending.

[Quof]

Genital reveal.  You're having a party to celebrate your baby's genitals.  Not gender.  

[Dimity]

3 minutes ago, fastiller said:

I thought the whole idea behind gender reveal parties (& I cringe as I type those, for the same reasons @Bastet outlined above) is that neither parent know. The ultrasound tech writes the gender down on a paper and the couple hands that paper to a baker or whomever who makes a cake or whatever signifying gender and that's revealed at the event with parents being equally surprised as the rest of the folks attending.

Oh seriously?  I didn't realize that.  I guess the situations I am personally aware of wouldn't be considered a gender reveal party then.  Sheesh, what will they think of next??

[fastiller]

@Quof - excellent point, well made.  

@Dimity - I guess there are both types of reveals: parents knowing beforehand and parents learning at the event.

It's all a bit squicky to me.

[annzeepark914]

I saw a video on TV of a gender reveal party. It was just the segment where the parents find out, along with their guests. I haven't forgotten the bratty behavior of the dad-to-be when pink streamers cascaded from a burst balloon. What a tool, throwing a big ol' hissy fit. I just hope it's never shown to his daughter.

[Dimity]

A friend of mine lost her brother a few days ago and someone has just messaged their condolences but added "My dog recently crossed the rainbow bridge so I know exactly how you feel."  Speaking as someone who has lost a sibling and has also lost pets I really don't think this person does know exactly how it feels. 

[PRgal]

29 minutes ago, Dimity said:

A friend of mine lost her brother a few days ago and someone has just messaged their condolences but added "My dog recently crossed the rainbow bridge so I know exactly how you feel."  Speaking as someone who has lost a sibling and has also lost pets I really don't think this person does know exactly how it feels. 

This could be a neurodivergence thing.  A lot of people (including me), will think of something that they can (sort of) relate to and will bring it up whenever.  We've been told to stop, but it's just how we are.  It helps US try to understand other people.  Even if it isn't close.

[Angeltoes]

4 hours ago, annzeepark914 said:

And then there are the dads, who let the world know, at the parties,  how angry they are that they're not getting a son.

I have also seen some moms act all sweetness and light until the blue balloon pops up out of a box and they find out they aren't getting a little princess.

My favorite was the mother who was holding a balloon which she was about to pop to see if pink or blue confetti was inside.  One of her older kids was acting the fool so she turned around to wave her arm at him to knock it off and accidentally let go of the balloon.  Everyone at the party sadly watched it fly off.

42 minutes ago, PRgal said:

A friend of mine lost her brother a few days ago and someone has just messaged their condolences but added "My dog recently crossed the rainbow bridge so I know exactly how you feel."  Speaking as someone who has lost a sibling and has also lost pets I really don't think this person does know exactly how it feels. 

When our granddaughter was 14, her stepdad died suddenly.  He had been in her life for a few years and she looked on him as her dad (considering her biological father is a major tool).  Her teacher made the exact same dog comment to her.

Edited March 12 by Angeltoes

[Browncoat]

Very tiny, temporary peeve -- Celebrity Jeopardy is on from 9-10, and The Amazing Race starts at 9:30.  I can't watch both in real time!

This peeve will end when this season of Celebrity Jeopardy does, but why can't they show it at 8?

[meep.meep]

Related peeve - both Survivor and Amazing Race used to be nice hour-long shows.  Neither needs 90 minutes.  

[PRgal]

37 minutes ago, meep.meep said:

Related peeve - both Survivor and Amazing Race used to be nice hour-long shows.  Neither needs 90 minutes.  

I didn't know they expanded.  Maybe the networks need the extra time because they don't have enough programming!

[Absolom]

Yet they have already cancelled four shows I like for next season.00

[Blergh]

On 3/12/2025 at 12:36 PM, Dimity said:

A friend of mine lost her brother a few days ago and someone has just messaged their condolences but added "My dog recently crossed the rainbow bridge so I know exactly how you feel."  Speaking as someone who has lost a sibling and has also lost pets I really don't think this person does know exactly how it feels. 

I get where you're coming from re well-meaning but somewhat comparing apples and oranges folks.

Decades ago, at my sister's funeral, I recall one of Mama's cousins consoling that she 'knew what it was like to lose a child'- due to her one of her daughters splitting from a beloved son-in-law!

I know Mama's cousin meant well (truly so- especially   she did drive a some hours to our city to attend the funeral and console Mama &the rest of our family in town ).

However, not only was her former son-in-law not her actual child (regardless of how warmly she felt about him) but he was still LIVING and would stay friends with them the rest of their lives. 

[Ohiopirate02]

Pet peeve of the day, the algorithm that decides which post the Facebook memory feature decides to show you. I get wanting to remind people of their old posts that had a lot of engagement as a lighthearted way to remember, but there has to be a way for them to filter out the posts that are not so happy. It's not that hard to write in some code to ignore words like death, dying, died, late, loss, lost, passed, or any other synonym and euphemism for death. I don't think this needs to be on me to selectively decide the posts that I never want to see again. Do better Facebook.

[PRgal]

Peeve:  People who gate keep their heritage's cuisine.  Like, people who freak out when I cook Chinese style dumplings in the oven with tomato sauce and cheese.  It's easier for me than steaming, pan frying (i.e. pot stickers) or boiling.  And I like fusion.  And being a hummus freak, I've used it to top fried quinoa (yes, quinoa, not rice). I've also used guacamole and pico de gallo.  Queso too.  It's really tasty.  And like Hong Kong cha chaan teng food isn't just low brow fusion (low brow since most are hole in the wall joints). 

[meep.meep]

10 hours ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Pet peeve of the day, the algorithm that decides which post the Facebook memory feature decides to show you. I get wanting to remind people of their old posts that had a lot of engagement as a lighthearted way to remember, but there has to be a way for them to filter out the posts that are not so happy. It's not that hard to write in some code to ignore words like death, dying, died, late, loss, lost, passed, or any other synonym and euphemism for death. I don't think this needs to be on me to selectively decide the posts that I never want to see again. Do better Facebook.

I'm with you - and it's not just Facebook.  For some reason OneDrive persists in showing photos that they think are wonderful memories for me but truly aren't.  They specialize in the pictures we took of my mother to send to her doctor to show recovery from jaw surgery.  I've got lots of lovely pictures of us doing fun things together, but no.  They just want me to remember the disease that killed her.

[JustHereForFood]

On gender reveals: I've known two women who were upset or admitted to crying when they learned they would get a boy and not a girl. One recently told me this, but she's otherwise cool and seems to have gotten over it quickly, so I see no problem - emotions are emotions and if people deal with them in private and don't dump them on others, I see no harm. She certainly seems to love her two sons and doesn't look bitter. 

The other seemed to get over it during her pregnancy - this was a coworker who loved to overshare, so I ended up hearing a lot more about pregnancy than I ever wanted. She was also very homophobic and transphobic and at one point sounded as if she would be more upset about her future son turning out gay than anything else, so I had to bite my tongue to not say something to the effect of her maybe getting the daughter she wanted if her child turns out to be trans later - that would probably cause more harm than good. 

In general, I don't get the point of gender reveal parties, because even if the future parents care about their child's genitals, other people (apart from some grandparents) most likely don't, so why should they pretend to care for the party? But then, I don't even like the idea of baby showers - they are not traditional in my country and people only recently started doing them due to the Americanization of all online spaces, same as Halloween parties. Maybe it's the catholic upbringing, but I feel weird about celebrating a child that is not yet born, there is always that "what if something happens" superstition in the back of my mind. Growing up, we didn't even celebrate a birthday one day earlier if it fell on Monday, because my grandmother would have been horrified. Throwing a celebration for a child that hasn't been born yet would have felt too daring.

[JustHereForFood]

Also, my cat is my family and I would stop communicating with anyone who would suggest otherwise, especially regarding a pet's death. I am already depressed enough knowing that she will not live as long as my human family and I will be more upset than about any family member's death apart from my mother. I might be neurodivergent, I don't really care enough to get a proper opinion on it, but I am tired of people using it to infantilize people who think and feel differently - not better or worse, simply differently than the majority. If my comments ever seem insensitive to neurotypical people, maybe then can suck it up and get over it, I have certainly been made to feel that way about their comments often enough. Why should it always be up to people from any minority group to police everything we do or say to not offend anyone from the majority? The world is already more accommodating to them in most ways.

[Dimity]

1 hour ago, JustHereForFood said:

On gender reveals: I've known two women who were upset or admitted to crying when they learned they would get a boy and not a girl. One recently told me this, but she's otherwise cool and seems to have gotten over it quickly, so I see no problem - emotions are emotions and if people deal with them in private and don't dump them on others, I see no harm. She certainly seems to love her two sons and doesn't look bitter. 

She's probably like a lot of us who expressed a preference - as soon as the baby arrives it's your baby and that's it.  Gender no longer matters.  I do know that's not true for everyone of course but I think it's more true than not.

For me I had seen the way my parents had struggled dealing with a son who was, to put it far too mildly, "a handful".  And I didn't think I could handle it.