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S03.E10: Bachelorette Beach Party


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Scheana's bachelorette bash is celebrated in Miami. Meanwhile, Jax tries to woo Vail, but he's called out for his behavior; and a PUMP manager quits, so Lisa calls on her daughter to fill the post.

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Second the bleach! Can't believe we saw Jax nearly nude. For some reason he resembled a giant nude baby to me. He has no ass!

 

I have to admit I laughed out loud when Ariana said,"No one wants to share a room with Kristin or James so they're rooming together." 

 

Why do we think Tiffany didn't come? I assume that she was still mad about San Diego but it could've been jax's decision. Either way it'll make the impending "bang" of Vail and/or any bootleg chicks easier.

 

I liked Lisa's more natural makeup during her phone call with Scheana.

 

 

 

 

 

  • Love 4
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YEs, I am with all of you upthread regarding Jax's hideous body and the fact that we got no head's up that the grossness was coming. OY!!

I think it was Jax's idea that Tiffany (the dummy) not come to Miami. "She doesn't know anybody".. Blah, blah.. 

 

What was hysterical was the whole comment about Kristin & James.  Just completely hilarious.

Edited by goofygirl
  • Love 3
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That preview was just absolutely glorious.

 

More debauchery, and a naked Jax.  A dancing naked Jax just for bonus points.

 

Speaking of Jax, I found it curious that he was the only person covered in sweat in the car when they were traveling.  Hmmmm.  

 

Dear gawd, this episode has all of the telltale signs of being an instant classic, which is saying a lot with these chucklefucks.  

 

Hurry up, Monday night, I seriously CAN.  NOT.  WAIT.  

Edited by Persnickety1
  • Love 7
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Monday nights have become my favorite.   I cannot wait for this mess.

 

I'm not sure if I'm traumatized from seeing a naked Jax in the shower, complete with dangly bits, or hysterical because everytime I think of that scene I bust out laughing.

 

I find it hilarious that two dudes in a hotel room bed are okay (because no unintentional spooning) but three crosses the line.  And why wouldn't Jax just have a room to himself?  Surely it will make it that much easier when he brings the female version of the lowest common denominator (aka a Bootleg Chick) back to his room.  Although then we won't have Flat Iron and his angry eyebrows spouting off about it in his THs. 

 

I'm with Persnickety - - this show is absolutely glorious.

  • Love 10
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Monday nights have become my favorite.   I cannot wait for this mess.

 

I'm not sure if I'm traumatized from seeing a naked Jax in the shower, complete with dangly bits, or hysterical because everytime I think of that scene I bust out laughing.

 

I find it hilarious that two dudes in a hotel room bed are okay (because no unintentional spooning) but three crosses the line.  And why wouldn't Jax just have a room to himself?  Surely it will make it that much easier when he brings the female version of the lowest common denominator (aka a Bootleg Chick) back to his room.  Although then we won't have Flat Iron and his angry eyebrows spouting off about it in his THs. 

 

I'm with Persnickety - - this show is absolutely glorious.

 

I vividly recall a scene from a season or 2 ago where the two Toms were spooning and sleeping like babies.  Bravo made sure to give us a shot of it.

 

Maybe it's just greasy, sweaty, troglodyte Jax they don't want interrupting their sweet dreams.  

  • Love 3
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As if Jax couldn't look any more gross to me. That scar on his head makes him look like he's half Vulcan. He's such a douche. They all are, but he's the douchey-est. I did laugh and agree with Kristin when she said Ariana was trying so hard to make it look like she and Tom are so meant for each other because they wear matching Lisa Frank tiger tee shirts.

  • Love 4
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I really, really dislike Jax. I listen to him and think he lies about everything. I don't believe for one minute he told Tiffany not to come. I believe it was her own decision. Did you notice when he was telling FI Tom how he was texting both Tiff and Carmen and telling both women the same thing, the look on his face was like he was so proud of himself and don't you wish you could be like me. Jax is really believing the hype that's put out there about him. He is a sad man really and I pity the fool (as Clubber Lang would say).

Edited by lasandi
  • Love 3
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Random post on my Facebook newsfeed by someone saying Jax has apparently confessed to "dipping in boy honey."

 

Is that true, did Jax admit to being an equal opportunity tool tonight?  I can't watch this fantastic trainwreck until my shift ends, dammit.  

  • Love 3
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"Let's go make some bad decisions". -Jax

Ok- if there were ever a time we doubted the heterosexuality of FI, Tom Shwoosh and "Jax"--it's tonight. Sharing a hotel bed is "just like old times, minus the penetration"???? Flash forward to the Toms snuggled in bed AGAIN. "Jax just keeps on eating that fudge and he just keeps on getting sick". #fixitjesus

Vail reminds me of every dumb cokehead bar rat I hung out with as an undergrad, complete with the horrible taste in men and the constant excuses. Don't know what that says about me, but there ya go.

Kristen is grade A crazy. The "looks" she was throwing around....whoa. BPD all the way. I'm not so sure about all these high waisted bathing suits, but I'm starting to think Stassi skipped the trip bc she didn't want to be filmed in a requisite bikini.

FI's eyebrows are on point.

Wait, what about poor Pandora? I imagine she agreed to work for the night bc she's tired of helping her Patrick Bateman-esque husband bury the bodies. Either that, or tired of clicking on the internet browser on their home computer to find craigslist casual encounters M4M as the last visited site.

Edited by starrynola
  • Love 5
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Random post on my Facebook newsfeed by someone saying Jax has apparently confessed to "dipping in boy honey."

This. So this.

Is that true, did Jax admit to being an equal opportunity tool tonight? I can't watch this fantastic trainwreck until my shift ends, dammit.

  • Love 1
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FI Tom almost forgot his flat iron.

 

James needs to realize that Kristen is way too concerned with Tom and Ariana. I do not know what James would really text Kristen. I thought everyone pretty much knew about Jax and the random girl in San Diego, even if he did not admit it, and there really wasn't any damning evidence at the table in front of James that Tom cheated on Ariana. He did not hear Jax and Tom talking at the bar. James, if Tom and Ariana break up, I am sure Kristen is going to ditch you to get him back.

 

Jax is the worst. I do not get why all these girls fall for his shit.

  • Love 1
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I can't believe that it has taken me this long to finally register and comment.  After lurking forever on TWOP and here on many forums, I finally registered to say that Jax looks like a walking STD...gross!!!  How Vail could think he is a good person is beyond me.  She is supposedly educated, and quite pretty, but if she finds him attractive, I question her judgement.  BTW, is she sporting a cold sore in her talking heads, or what?

  • Love 8
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Major cold sore @kayak. You can see it especially in the quick shots from the plane ride. I hope her fawning over Jax was just a product of too much champagne and vodka. At least she ended up in bed with Katie and not Jax.

 

I liked Ariana before she started getting a few more minutes of airtime. She's like the female Schwartz. Although I thought the two Toms cuddling in bed was actually pretty heartwarming. They should dump Katie and Ariana and just be together, they want to so bad.

 

Every time FI Tom cries I laugh the entire time. This show is a mess and so am I.

  • Love 4
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As if Jax couldn't look any more gross to me. That scar on his head makes him look like he's half Vulcan. He's such a douche. They all are, but he's the douchey-est. I did laugh and agree with Kristin when she said Ariana was trying so hard to make it look like she and Tom are so meant for each other because they wear matching Lisa Frank tiger tee shirts.

 

My 10-year old would be losing her mind (if she was awake) right about now over those t-shirts.  I threw my back out and am on big time muscle relaxers but did I see Shay? or ? ?waving one of those "dildos-on-a-stick" party favors in front of Jax's face?  I thought I saw Jax whip his tongue out and lick at it like an old pro.  Did I imagine it?  Then in next week's previews when that John guy embraced Jax and said he still loved him?  OY.  Just oy.

Granimal upthread mentioning Jack resembled a giant nude baby...  OMFG.  I laughed out loud and almost physically tipped out of bed.

 

There is no need for StASSi to remain on this show.  None of the cast missed her one bit and neither did I as a viewer.  I think Stassi refusing to go on the Miami trip may have sealed her fate.  She is now officially a non-factor.  The show is on fire without her. 

Edited by beesknees
  • Love 8
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FI Tom almost forgot his flat iron.

 

James needs to realize that Kristen is way too concerned with Tom and Ariana. I do not know what James would really text Kristen. I thought everyone pretty much knew about Jax and the random girl in San Diego, even if he did not admit it, and there really wasn't any damning evidence at the table in front of James that Tom cheated on Ariana. He did not hear Jax and Tom talking at the bar. James, if Tom and Ariana break up, I am sure Kristen is going to ditch you to get him back.

 

Jax is the worst. I do not get why all these girls fall for his shit.

 

Just a guess, but I'm thinking he probably lets each and every one of those delusional women think that they are The.  One.

 

He feels totally different about them than he ever has before, he would never have to be drunk/high/whatever if he had a woman like her in his life, he would never EVER cheat on a girl like her if he only had her....

 

The usual bullshit those douche canoes like Jax toss out there to gain the woman's confidence and then predictably do the same fucking thing to her that he did to those before her.

 

My brother was one of those so I've kind of seen it in action.  Guys like my brother and Jax know just what to say and when to say it for maximum benefit.  

Imagine if this show featured Smell-O-Vision.

Yikes!

 

Oh, thank goddess it doesn't.

 

I usually watch this whilst eating dinner on Monday nights.

 

Yikes!

 

BTW, does anyone know offhand how many episodes we have to look forward to this season?  I see we're already up to episode 10 and I'm getting nervous the end of the season is close.  

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so the rooming arrangements are:

 

Shay solo

FI Tom, Tom, Jax (sharing a king)

Kristen & bus boy

Katie & Ariana

Scheana & Vail?

 

Besides Jax being a loser and not wanting to pay for his own room, why aren't the couples together?

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so the rooming arrangements are:

Shay solo

FI Tom, Tom, Jax (sharing a king)

Kristen & bus boy

Katie & Ariana

Scheana & Vail?

Besides Jax being a loser and not wanting to pay for his own room, why aren't the couples together?

Being that The Toms are together, I would say at least one couple (not counting Kristen and Brit) ARE together, lol.

  • Love 5
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so the rooming arrangements are:

 

Shay solo

FI Tom, Tom, Jax (sharing a king)

Kristen & bus boy

Katie & Ariana

Scheana & Vail?

 

Besides Jax being a loser and not wanting to pay for his own room, why aren't the couples together?

Partially.

 

Katie's with Vail and Scheana/Ariana are in the suite with the rest of Scheana's family. And Shay may be with a groomsman...I'm not sure.

 

The original plan was to have all the girls be together and the boys ditto.  

Edited by Watermelon
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So on the rewatch, I see Jax licking a pink dildo on a stick and bus boy squeezing Kristen's breasts over her shirt while she tells him it's all padding.

 

Does Jax get Botox?  Is that why his forehead is so lumpy this year?  Or is it all the walking into stationery objects?


Do double beds not exist in this hotel? 

 

I did like Pandy's crack back at Lisa that she'd be changing her diaper in a  few years.

  • Love 4
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I feel like I'm the only one who loves Sandoval. Can't help it. I adore him. Lol

Which one is Sandoval? I might love him too. Wait as long as it is not Jax! Funny only last name I know is Schultz.

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Just a guess, but I'm thinking he probably lets each and every one of those delusional women think that they are The.  One.

 

He feels totally different about them than he ever has before, he would never have to be drunk/high/whatever if he had a woman like her in his life, he would never EVER cheat on a girl like her if he only had her....

 

The usual bullshit those douche canoes like Jax toss out there to gain the woman's confidence and then predictably do the same fucking thing to her that he did to those before her.

 

My brother was one of those so I've kind of seen it in action.  Guys like my brother and Jax know just what to say and when to say it for maximum benefit.  

 

Oh, thank goddess it doesn't.

 

I usually watch this whilst eating dinner on Monday nights.

 

Yikes!

 

BTW, does anyone know offhand how many episodes we have to look forward to this season?  I see we're already up to episode 10 and I'm getting nervous the end of the season is close.  

 

I don't know how many episodes are left, per se, but Kristin was on WWHL tonight and she mentioned they will be filming the Reunion show next week.  I don't want the season to end !!!  :(

Edited by beesknees
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Well drat it all.

 

There's a definite void in my little black heart when this gem isn't on the air.

 

Thankfully I thought ahead and taped every episode of every season when Bravo marathoned it before this season premiered.

 

I'll have to get my ultimate snark fix off of the DVR when this is on hiatus.  

  • Love 3
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FI Tom bawling uncontrollably in Kristen's arms (next week's preview) -Ohhh, I cannot wait!  Looks intense.  Andy Cohen said even he can't wait for next week's episode because its that good~!  I want Tom and Ariana to break up.  Tooo boring.  Kristen was on WWHL tonight and she says she is definately over FI Tom now - everything that was taped was from a year ago and she's had time to heal.  She saw next week's preview footage of her and FI Tom for the 1st time tonight along with the rest of us viewers and even she looked a little choked up viewing it.

 

Is it Monday yet?

  • Love 1
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Yup, that is a mole on Vail, but if she gets 2 of 'em, guess that'll be our big hint-a-roo she's been with Jax.  Ew.

 

This is so terribly mean to say but Pandora is so unattractive to me that when she's in a segment/scene I usually flick to another channel.  I don't think she looks like Lisa or Ken.

 

 

Actually, I was thinking how she didn't inherit Lisa's gorgeous looks.  Sad when ya have a stunning mother & ya get your father's meh looks.  Reminds me of Christie Brinkley & her daughter.

 

What is this shit with going on vacay & not sleeping with your partner?  Sounds like an excuse for the Toms to sleep together -- and with Jax.  FI seemed to quite like the idea of spooning 'em.


Vail reminds me of every dumb cokehead bar rat I hung out with as an undergrad, complete with the horrible taste in men and the constant excuses. Don't know what that says about me, but there ya go.

 

 

Boy, I knew a bazillion chicks like dat in college.  But they were maybe 19 to 21.  Vail is 34.  Forget what this says bout us.  What does this say bout Vail?  Yikers!

  • Love 1
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This fucking show.  I just got done watching this week's episode and I'm already looking forward to the next one.  It is like crack.

 

So is the take-away from the bar talk that Jax was telling the truth and both Toms cheated?

 

Stassi who?  She should stay off screen with her ghost boyfriend.  This show is so much better without her.

Edited by yourmomiseasy
  • Love 8
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Anyone catch FI bawling to Kristen, in the preview?  Er, bad acting much?

 

As usual, the previews are confusing as fuck.  So we finally meet an ex-boyfriend of Jax?  Supposedly Jax was a hooker in Miami.  Wonder if dat's eventually gonna get outed too.

  • Love 4
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I suspect that bachelorette parties in the real world are not so gross. However, compared to other Bravo bachelorette parties (cough..Tamra...cough) those penis decorations were downright tasteful.

 

Another gross ass graced us with its presence today. No not Jax, I'm referring to the young gentleman that got his backside signed by Scheana in Sharpie. Surely they could've found a better looking bum to show on camera! Am I being too picky here?

 

Was it my imagination or was everyone more likeable this episode? I actually thought this episode was sort of cute. Everyone getting along. Vail ending up back in her room was a big plus. I enjoyed the boat trip. Nice to see everyone being such a good sport about the "motarboating a D". It cracked me up when Schwartz turned to Katie and said, "That's you!" when the motorboating task was revealed.

 

The only dark cloud to the episode was Vail reaching over to read Kristin's texts. Sure, one may argue that this was producer-driven, but then we would end up in a rabbit hole where nothing we say ever matters because everyone is faking everything anyways. Point being, if one of my "friends" did this to me our friendship would be over. This is a huge violation of privacy, not to mention it could've caused huge problems during the weekend. Kudos to Kristin for actually not spilling the tea all over the table for once. This is one storyline I'm not that interested in seeing.

 

What I am interested in seeing? FI Tom crying into Krazy Kristin's arms. I'm disappointed to hear that this was taped over a year ago and that Kristin is over him by now, Please say it isn't so!

 

ETA: Boy Jax really can't be alone can he? It's just the beginning of the trip and he's already contacted his current SO (Tiffany) and past significant other (Carmen) and told them he would buy them tickets to come to Miami? Sounds like someone desperate for companionship to me. Then, from the previews for next week, it looks like he brings in another ex! What, is he not finding any bootlegs in Miami? And by the way, if I were Tiffany I would be more pissed with Jax offering to buy his ex a plane ticket to come see him in Miami than I would be with his bootleg bathroom trip. Just sayin!

Edited by Granimal
  • Love 1
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Can I just start out by addressing the best part of the episode? NO STASSI!!!! If we could only get rid of Jax, we'd be gold. Speaking of, where was Peter on this trip? He came over to Jax's place right before he left, but I didn't see him down there at all. Was he housesitting? Random. 

 

 

Awwww, Tom and Arianna have matching tiger shirts! In case you forgot what an amazing, made-for-each-other couple they are - those adorable shirts will serve to remind you. 

 

But then, but then! Tom nearly forgets his flat iron! Utter blasphemy! I'm beginning to think he is TOO in love with Arianna, if he cannot even focus on essentials. There is no way such a crisis would occur back in the Kristen days. Flat irons before hoes, yo. 

 

Once again, Scheana looks much better when her makeup is dialed down to a 2. 

 

Her mom, however....would SHE qualify as a bootleg chick? I feel like I really need a 10 minute after show of the Toms clarifying which chicks are "bootleg" and which are not. 

 

And that hotel.....I don't get out a lot, so maybe I've no clue what I'm talking about, but that place looked kind of busted. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just seemed tacky, old, and skimpy. The most glaring thing was the "champagne" presented to them on arrival. Either that was some really flat champagne, or they just got water. (Might be a better idea with these folks.)

 

And we have the return of pouty Sandoval! My favorite of all the Tom personalities. Hey, you would pout too if Jax changed his plans at the last minute, resulting in him cock-blocking your bromantic weekend with Schwartzie-poo. 

 

Ewwww, Jax naked!!!! Please get the MIB guys over here stat, so they can zap that foulness from my mind forever. 

 

Are James and Kristen even really a couple? While at the dinner table he's turned to the side, chatting up Scheana's sister (or BFF, couldn't keep em straight) the entire time, while she glares daggers at her ex across the table. Yea, that's a healthy relationship. 

 

Jax and Vail - so predictable it's not even worth mentioning. That girl is so stupid. Is there like another Princeton, besides the Ivy League one? Like "Princeton, Ohio School of Makeup"? Because yea, she's really dumb. Jax was using reverse psychology on her - "I'm so horrible, I'm as bad as they all say. You don't want a guy like me". And it was totally working - "Oh, no, you can't be THAT bad." Yikes. 

 

Does Kristen think we're stupid? She totally left that phone on the table on purpose. That way she isn't the bad guy, for flat out telling the group (esp. Arianna) what is being said about the OTHER Miami weekend....but, you know, if they just happen to open up her phone and look for themselves, well that's on them. Well played, psycho, well played. 

  • Love 9
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Anyone catch FI bawling to Kristen, in the preview?  Er, bad acting much?

 

As usual, the previews are confusing as fuck.  So we finally meet an ex-boyfriend of Jax?  Supposedly Jax was a hooker in Miami.  Wonder if dat's eventually gonna get outed too.

This.  A thousand times over - on both counts.  Waaay over-the-top crying/bad acting for FI Tom (maybe a little real crying but ....).   Jax as a make hooker of sorts in Miami?  Probably. 

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Stassi must be kicking her own ass right now. Making a decision to move to NY for some guy, thinking she is going to make it big somehow, coming back to LA with a boyfriend that refuses to be filmed, then seeing everybody having a great time last night without her.  It looks like in next week previews she is telling Lisa off. Oh, girl, HUGE mistake. You are so done.  

Edited by bichonblitz
  • Love 5
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Are James and Kristen even really a couple? While at the dinner table he's turned to the side, chatting up Scheana's sister (or BFF, couldn't keep em straight) the entire time, while she glares daggers at her ex across the table. Yea, that's a healthy relationship. 

I thought Kristen was glowering at her ex, not DJ Muppet Busboy, but it was funny how little attention James seemed to be given to her.

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That whole shower situation is the worst thing I have ever seen in my life.  I am so traumatized.  I thought him getting in was bad enough, but then the dancing!  OMFG the dancing!

This. For decades the Shower scene from the movie Psycho was considered terrifying. Jax naked in the shower? Alfred Hitchcock only thought he knew what true terror was.

 

The three guys sharing a room and we are supposed to believe ANY of them are disturbed by the thought? Sorry guys you are not that great at acting.

 

I want to not hate Scheanna but she just makes it impossible. Her snotty, superior manner of speaking in her TH's are as bad as Stassi's. 

 

My three main take aways.

1. My eyes will never recover from the the new infamous "shower scene".

2.  I did not miss Stassi one bit.

3. While Eddie Cibrian is no prize himself, he may welll have the  worst taste in women ever. He marries  Brandi, LeeAnn and cheats with Sheanna.  Whatever he has done, however badly he has behaved, it certainly seems like the Universe is getting even. 

 

Talk abour Karma

Edited by chlban
  • Love 7
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Why was Schemer's mother there? Gross.

 

Kristen totally left her phone at the table on purpose.

 

I keep forgetting to mention this, but the boys' quasi-homosexual antics reminds me of something I read or heard in a psychology class of some sort a long time ago about how pre-adolescence males behave together before becoming interested in women and the term 'arrested development' comes to mind.

 

At first, I mistook Pandora for StASSi and wondered how bad she looked.

  • Love 1
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Jax was licking that cock wand (TM British Douche)  showing off his skills!  I had to rewind it to make sure I saw it right.  What is wrong with me?

Jax to me is the aging "model" that is turning tricks on the side to keep up his "habits." No way can they be making a living off of bartending.

 

Will these people ever grow up? And come out of the closet Tom #1 & #2 no one believes your actually straight. Totally staged to get the female audience to watch that they are in serious relationships with women.

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I thought Kristen was glowering at her ex, not DJ Muppet Busboy, but it was funny how little attention James seemed to be given to her.

I think this is a totally made up couple. It's either producer driven, or they are just hanging together for their own agendas. Cray Cray Kristen can drag him along to pretend she has move on, which even the idiots on this show can figure out is BS.

As for busboy, he just wants camera time.

 

As has been mentioned before, I see no chemistry between Tom and Arrianna either. I see buddies that seen to genuinely like each other. With Tom and Katie I think she is delusional enough to think she's in love, but again, no chemistry and he clearly doesn't care about ther, he won't even stand up to Jax when he browbeats the girl.

 

Frankly, I don't see any chemistry with Shay and Scheanna either. Seems like she just likes the idea of being married. I can't read him well, but I sure don't see any love or even lust when he's around his betrothed.    

 

Now the two Tom's? There is chemistry there. 

  • Love 2
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Wait, so was Jax and Tom's conversation at the bar proof that Tom cheated? Tom saying "As my friend, I shouldn't have to ask you to lie for me." I'm confused if he's mad that Jax didn't lie and say nothing happened and maybe even Tom is lying about hearing Jax cheating as a "taste of his own medicine."

 

That preview...I can't wait to see Tom crying and Kristen reaching over tenderly to wipe his face off....and Jax being outed as a hooker in Miami!

 

Stassi who? This season is proof they don't need her.

 

They must have about 4 episodes left if they are taping the reunion already. I would die if Stassi didn't get to sit in on the whole reunion - she really doesn't have much of a storyline with all of them.

 

I haven't watched WWHL yet - what else did Kristen say?

  • Love 1
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I said something offensive earlier that I want to apologize for. I said that with his head wound, Jax looked half Vulcan. I meant to say he looks half-Klingon. I apologize to the Vulcan community.

I don't believe his convoluted story of running into a plate glass window because he was getting a parking ticket. That's something parakeets do, and Jax doesn't have the intelligence of a parakeet. I think either he got drunk or high and fell on the side of the bathtub, or one of his lovers threw a glass at his face again.

  • Love 12
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I said something offensive earlier that I want to apologize for. I said that with his head wound, Jax looked half Vulcan. I meant to say he looks half-Klingon. I apologize to the Vulcan community.

 

 

 

        The Klingons don't deserve to be insulted either.

 

        LOL!

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Which one is Sandoval? I might love him too. Wait as long as it is not Jax! Funny only last name I know is Schultz.

Sandoval's the one who wears concealer, shaves his forehead, uses a flat iron, and broke up with Kristin.

  • Love 1
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