starrynola

OK-first I want to preface this by saying that I'm 37 weeks pregnant with twins and feeling a little crazy and not going to hold back on my judging. I went to the hospital today, thinking I was in labor. I was actually looking forward to watching this in the hospital, as I watched Teen Mom on tv the night after giving birth to my 2 year old. LOL. Amber: you were never a size 0, 110 lbs. Girl PUH-LEEZE. You and Gary Shirley love to eat. That is no secret. I can imagine the nasty sex ya'll would have after loading up on Arby's 5 for $5, too lazy to even carry the food trash out of the room pre-coital bliss. I can also imagine that post-coital, you'd reach for the bag and eat that last nasty soggy curly fry you were too stuffed to eat approximately 4 minutes prior. And is that a half empty bottle of Jameson on the kitchen table??? I though you and Matt were sober? Jameson. How fucking lame is that? I used to bartend at a very high end bar with a lot of regulars. My other bartender was from Boston and drank that stuff. So did all the wannabe Irish owners and patrons. I guess Matt is good at baseball too, since he's from Boston. Him and Mark Wahlberg. And Ben Affleck. I bet they know him and can also vouch for his sobriety and good character. He's such a grifter he even had to grub on Amber's diet food. Catelynn and Tyler: What a toxic combo. Can their therapist's hair be any greasier? Where did they find her? Working at Sonic? Tyler, (IMO) is most likely in denial about his sexuality, he has an exaggerated swoosh, a bitchy attitude and his shoulder roll is popping off with the best of them. He oughta drive that Douley down here to the Big Easy, park that thing downtown and let go of some of those "resentments" he is building up. Bring Butch along for the trip---now there's a show I'd watch...speaking of shows I'd watch... Maci: Ryan's dad is my hero. He needs a show. His ass didn't even lift his HEAD FROM THE COUCH PILLOW to talk all that shit and state he would not even piss on Ryan if he were on fire. I suspect Ryan is on drugs of some kind and hitting them up for money A LOT. He was high on something, it was really obvious. An verbally demeaning poor Bentley about a haircut he has zero control over. Way to be a good dad. If it weren't for his parent's, I would say Maci needs to cut Ryan out entirely. I too wonder if he has some brain damage Farrah: Her mom must have got her xanax and vicodin refill, because she was in an elevated mood and seemed surprisingly "on". I'm sad for Sophia's fraggle rock self. Money and gifts are not affection, and she is obviously starving for real affection and is going to have tremendous attachment issues. Those interviews for her Fro-yo shop. Yowzers. That's all I got for now, hopefully I will be watching next week after giving birth--can't take these false contractions much longer.

Not even DJ Muppet Baby? Lol. Couldn't resist. Hey girl!!!

A friend of mine on a camping trip asked for my recap of this week's episode. So here it is: Teen mom:some ppl had babies about 7 years ago, one former baby named Bentlee had his tonsils out. Amber wants to go to Florida and take Leah, but Gary Shirley a man that weighs 600 lbs is her dad and does not want his daughter going to Disney with a 15 time loser named Matt that has no income. A mentally disturbed child named Sophia says some creepy stuff mirroring her moms creepy attitude. Two half wit rednecks from Michigan quiz their former ex con wife beater dad about getting a new apartment with his new "lady friend" errrrr "friend that's a lady, not a man" that he has known a week.

My friend who is on a camping trip asked for my recap of this weeks episode. So here it is: Vanderpump: 7 friends, um, lovers, um...former VD laden lover fame whores that occasionally serve pink cocktails in Hep C tinged glassware and delicacies such as "goat balls" battle with accepting the things they cannot change and not finding the courage to change the things they can. Cigarette Sally and Stassi bond over missed opportunities, red bull and vodka at noon, and being "fun". Another addict named Shay, that hovers only in beautifully frightening canvas wedding photos says the words "bitch ghost" while channeling the actual ghosts of Cheech & Chong. Two guys named Tom also lament about missed business opportunities to sling another pink colored beverage, validating their girlfriend's fears that their collective IQs are less than Forrest Gumps. A 50 something ape called Jax gets his cabbage truck girlfriend "new boobs" from his "discount Doctor friend" and it (or the 8 ball he snorted in one round) makes his face really red.

Ha- my son and I walked up to the float she was riding on before the Mardi Gras parade she was riding in. She was taking selfies. I interrupted her and asked if she would take a pic with us and she was super nice, commented on how cute my baby is and posed for a few pics with us. She was throwing out rulers with pics of face glued to them. She made a joke about them and gave us one. She was super made up, very "tan" like spray tan or bronzer. Very put together as far as makeup/hair/outfit. Last year we met Lisa Vanderpump the same way, Lisa wore a ball gown and they didn't have Giggy. They were super nice too. Pandora wasn't. A girl I was with later said she went to SUR about 3 years ago and the cast members were actually working, Jax was bartending. He was super rude, she asked him for a drink suggestion and he replied "I don't have time for that, just tell me what you want to drink". Lol, I can so see him doing that.

You guys!!! I just met Stassi!!! I tweeted @sur_alley and mentioned you guys!! Gave a shout out to prev tv !!!!!

Been watching the old episodes. Remember Cedric that lived w Lisa? I wonder what the real story there was.

Yes, I slink away in shame with both of you ladies. When he said 7 hours of sex, I thought, "yeah 7 hours of semi-hard coke dick that can't cum and has to be re fueled by constant snorting of lines". Thankfully, these days I have a program to help me deal with that shame. Ha! Cracking up over here.

Cracking up. Tired old queen, but indeed. His face looked raw at the pride party. Like a fresh chemical peel. So sweaty and gross!

Is Kevin James a low rent Bobby Trendy or vice versa?

I couldn't agree more! It was beyond bizarre her bringing up her mom like that. I got a Dina Lohan vibe from the pics it showed of them.

I'm just talking about how both of the men he worked with were saying very scripted "never thought this day would happen" lines.

You guys. Where to start!? LaLa--that lipstick shade just screams Seventeen Magazine/Clinique lipstick back to school edition circa 1996. Honey, NO ONE wears brown shades. NO ONE. Her foundation and eyeshadow are also off. Her look so screams "out of touch escort that is trashy not classy". Speaking of out of touch escorts and trashy not classy... Sheana, did she get that headboard from a Bobby Trendy wholesale warehouse in "West Hollywood"?? I swear I saw Anna Nicole and Howard K Stern take a knife to a similar one back in the day. And THOSE PICS. Whoa...just bc it's on Groupon does NOT mean you should buy it. If I had to stare at jumbo staged wedding pics on all my walls, I would probably flee the house, get drunk and never come home too. I mean, if I even had to sit in there 10 minutes, I would need a Xanax. Or a bottle of wine. Or Fireball. Or Vicodin, Xanax AND wine AND Fireball. FREAK -EE. Jax, jealous much? Also, pretty sure that he must have been punched in the face as a catalyst for this most recent nose job. The scar above his eyebrow? What is that? Also, why was he sitting out back eating like that? All casual and nasty? I got the impression he was probably eating cocktail cherries and blue cheese stuffed olives he stole from the bar fruit tray. OK--So, Shwartz has a thing for Asian guys or vice versa, bc he was definitely "outed" by two different ones that openly mocked him getting married. James. James. James. Keep it real, bro. Those DJ dreams are coming true. Maybe one day he can get a DJ gig at Planet Hollywood, or whatever casino Lisa's friend owns and have his very own "Vegas Girl" controversy next season. I'm calling it now, actually.

I'm excited to see if Eddie is still wearing that creepy fake smile, or if Satan's concubine has turned it more into a grimace! Also, I really liked Shannon last season, I hope she doesn't get the bad edit this year!

That ending was very abrupt. Maybe I'm just used to the real housewives and their little ending synopsis. But, good for Craig going back to Delaware to study for the bar this July. I think he's a genuinely nice guy and I would love to see him be successful. Shep was jealous, even though their "fight" seemed a little staged. However, Whitney is the true green eyed monster. He is soooooo in love with Thomas. I hate when people like Landon complain about not having money. She wears Prada, drives a BMW and her mother obviously has money, so she's not just some wannabe Kim Zolciak/Nene Leakes fronting rich bitch, her money runs deep. I also suspect she got a very nice divorce settlement. That home for sale was gorgeous. The staircase.... I wonder how long before Cameron is pregnant. I think she is a very pretty woman, but next to her old roommate she looked almost homely.