The Shows of 2015: More Indecipherable Seasonings

[JessDVD]

I can take the time to watch the show again tonight, but until then if anyone can come up with it off the top of their head, what did the theme do to mess up the lady chopped in the app round?

 

I thought the theme was cute and knew those green beans were fondant automatically, thank you all those years of Food Network Challenge. Dessert nachos guy was totally robbed and I'd bet at least 50 cents that it was because the winner made that comment about how her daughter says the old lady always loses and the show was all, NOOOOO that's SOOOOO not true look she won even though she clearly didn't deserve it!

[Philyra]

She had planned on making a hot brown, an open faced meat sandwich, using the chicken wings as the meat. She didn't realize until way too late that the wings were actually rice krispie treats and her sandwich ended up super duper sweet. 

[Julia]

Tell the boss the remaining part of your rapidly diminishing audience strongly suggests you edit out 4 minutes or so of gratuitous sob stories and put the judging back in, and don't try anything that stupid again.)  

 

It's not going to do any good. If you tell them they're losing viewers, they'll just schedule a Very Special Episode of Chopped where Alton Brown impishly urinates on the contestants' shoes and then Bobby Flay grills them.

[rujasu]

Are they losing viewers though?  Taking a quick look at TVByTheNumbers, it seems the show has been humming along at the same 0.5 rating for years now.  And it's not like this show will ever be expensive to produce.

[NikSac]

She had planned on making a hot brown, an open faced meat sandwich, using the chicken wings as the meat. She didn't realize until way too late that the wings were actually rice krispie treats and her sandwich ended up super duper sweet. 

 

I think she also didn't realize the "apple" was an onion until near the end, so that screwed her up too. But the Rice Krispie treats (err.. marshmallow cereal treats) were definitely worse.

[cattykit]

This is the funniest application ever by just about the funniest sports blogger ever, with Ted's response , and his episode airs tonight.

[bubbls]

That application was hilarious as was Ted's response. I enjoyed this episode since they were all amateurs. But ladies (and men) with long hair....pin that shit back. Yeesh. 

Edited April 8, 2015 by bubbls

[mlp]

Totally agree about the hair.  There oughta be a rule. 

 

I thought at first that Drew was a wise guy but I ended up liking him and thought he deserved his win.  The doll maker seemed nice but yike!  I wonder if she ever looks in a mirror.  That red lipstick was alarming.  I liked the first guy out too - forgot his name.  Overall, I enjoyed the show.

[backformore]

from that application:  

What inspired you to start cooking? Where did your interest in food begin?
My mom was a huge influence on me as a chef. She used to let me cook with her when I was a kid, and that was how I learned to make eggs and pasta and cookies and all sorts of tasty things. If I go on "Chopped," I will definitely talk about her on camera and cry, so that the audience and I form an emotional bond that can never be broken. I'll also mention any relatives of mine that are now dead.

<sob>    I feel like he's one of us!   

[cooksdelight]

LOL!! He should come here and tell us how he REALLY feels.

I enjoyed the episode as well. But the hair on the plate....poor Chris, that stuff always happens to him. It's like he's the Judge Doomed to Die of Food Poisoning or something. I didn't care for that woman out of all of them, so I'm also glad Drew won.

When the woman put the baby dolls in the oven, I literally cracked up. I wish she'd brought along a head to surprise one of the judges with. Chris, of course. She and her husband reminded me of an actual couple I used to know. It was the man who made things, puppets. And one day his wife invited all of us over to have lunch outside in her rose garden. I asked where her husband was and she said "He's up in the attic shrinking heads." Every now and then I sensed someone watching us, and I'd look up at a window and see the curtains moving. Sort of like Mother in Psycho.

[Bastet]

It is a long-standing annoyance for me that few of the competitors - amateur or professional - make what I consider appetizers for the appetizer round.  So, right out of the gate, I was rooting for the doll maker when she was the only one who offered what was, to me, the only actual appetizer.  Drew's looked like something out of an Olive Garden commercial for never-ending pasta bowls.

Edited April 8, 2015 by Bastet

[xingcat]

I kind of didn't take to Drew, because I figured he was either a stunt cast, to be let go in the first round, or he was someone they wanted to bring back in the Tournament of Champions, because he could keep writing about them for Deadspin and get some free publicity. Honestly, it wasn't so much an "amateurs" episode as "three amateurs and a semi-celebrity," which wasn't exactly fair to the rest of the contestants.

 

I got very tired of his schtick very quickly, just because it all seemed so rehearsed. I liked the woman with the hair that got in Chris' appetizer, if only because she seemed honest and really into this. And I really think the production assistants find the plates with bones and hair and whatever and give them to Chris, which I appreciate.

 

I loved the doll heads lady, as well. She just seemed so happy with her life.

[GaT]

I'm glad Drew won over Melissa, she really bugged me with the whole speech about how she knew how to work with the clock from being a stylist, & then running out of time every round.

[Rick Kitchen]

Chris Kluwe (ex Minnesota Vikings kicker)'s piece in Deadspin on Drew Magary's Chopped win:

 

http://deadspin.com/drew-magary-won-chopped-last-night-and-it-s-a-goddamn-n-1696459525?utm_campaign=socialflow_deadspin_facebook&utm_source=deadspin_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow

[bubbls]

I'm glad Drew won over Melissa, she really bugged me with the whole speech about how she knew how to work with the clock from being a stylist, & then running out of time every round.

 

 

Exactly. She bugged me too for some reason. It was probably just her edit. 

 

I knew the black jazz singer guy was out immediately when he did nothing original with the basket ingredients. I liked his attitude, realizing he blew it. 

[RockShrimp]

I love drew and read him regularly so I am super jazzed. I remember when he first applied, and it's still hilarious. And he pronounced mascarpone correctly. But he definitely has the screen presence of a blogger...

(Also If you don't mind swearing, the foodspin columns on deadspin are both hilarious and tasty)

Edited April 9, 2015 by RockShrimp

[NikSac]

Did they actually go out and find people who couldn't pronounce the ingredient names for this latest episode? I know there's some leeway for cultural and regional differences, but there was so much "vinegarrr-ette"  it was driving me nuts. Between that and the doll lady's makeup it was kind of hard to watch.

[mlp]

Even Scott Conant mispronounced vinaigrette while he was being pretentious about spaghetti.  Breaking uncooked strands in half affects the "bite"?  Really?  I can see how shorter strands would be harder to twirl and maybe they wouldn't look as authentic on the plate but I can't begin to imagine how snapping them in half could affect the texture.  I think Scott feels like he has to make some kind of fuss to emphasize his superiority with all things pasta.

[cooksdelight]

Scott saying breaking the pasta and being some sort of sin was just Scott being an ass, in my opinion.

[latetotheparty]

Being an ass is what Scott does best. 

[NikSac]

Agreed on the breaking up of spaghetti - I can't understand how that would impact the 'bite.'  It might make it less fun to twirl onto a fork, but seems like that's about it as long as it's cooked right. Maybe I'm just grumpy while watching this episode but so much of it drove me nuts. (to be fair, I also strongly dislike Maneet to the point she can ruin a whole episode for me, so that might be part of it).  I just thought they went overboard trying to make the contestants look bad because they are "only home cooks."  I hope it was just an anomaly and Chopped isn't going the route of the bad actors on "Worst Cooks."

[backformore]

I always break up spaghetti like that.   It comes from having kids who used to like to SLURP their pasta, and the sauce would end up splattering all over.  

It's easier to eat neatly when the strands are shorter. And it tastes exactly the same. 

 

Conant thinks it affects the taste?  I bet he was one of those kids who had a hissy fit about whether his mom cut his sandwich in triangles or rectangles, because it affected the taste. 

 

but what do I know?  I'm just a home cook. 

Edited April 9, 2015 by backformore

[GHScorpiosRule]

Even Scott Conant mispronounced vinaigrette while he was being pretentious about spaghetti.  Breaking uncooked strands in half affects the "bite"?  Really?  I can see how shorter strands would be harder to twirl and maybe they wouldn't look as authentic on the plate but I can't begin to imagine how snapping them in half could affect the texture.  I think Scott feels like he has to make some kind of fuss to emphasize his superiority with all things pasta.

 

Whatever. I break it in half ALL the TIME, because it's just easier instead of trying to press the pasta to make sure it all gets in the pan of water. I've done it both ways and the pasta "tastes" the same--doesn't affect the bite.  I hate when Scott is an ass, because I really like him. Heck, I didn't know WHO he was when I stumbled upon this show a few months back. I just love the way he says "awesome."

 

 

Agreed on the breaking up of spaghetti - I can't understand how that would impact the 'bite.'  It might make it less fun to twirl onto a fork,

For realz! It may be funny to watch Lucy try to twirl it on the fork, but it's frustrating for me, to keep twirling and twirling and twirling until I've got this great big glob that's hard to put in my mouth. So I'll do the half, thank you.

[cooksdelight]

There's a company that now makes spaghetti pasta that's already "broken" in half. It's advertised as "fits in any pot perfectly". I can't remember who makes it, though. Jamie Lauren of Top Chef told me about it, she was laughing at it, asking "Don't people know how to break it in half themselves?" So, there are some chefs who think breaking the pasta is perfectly OK.

[JessDVD]

I can't believe I missed that application.. This was my favorite part: 

 

I'm from the streets. (By streets, I mean suburban Minnesota, which has many lovely streets)

 

Anyway, I felt like Drew was clearly set up to be the winner which bugs me but he was the clear winner on the food IMO so I was willing to roll with it. I liked that he cooked things that don't show up on Chopped much/ever. I've seen almost every ep ever aired, and don't think I've ever seen pavlova, not sure about schnitzel either.

 

Both of the female chefs seemed to have missed that it was a cooking show, not a fashion show. Don't tell me the hairdresser didn't have pins or something in her purse that she could have used to put her hair up in between appetizer and entree. I don't have anything against makeup or wanting to look one's best especially on national TV, but when you're spending 12 hours in a hot kitchen with lights and cameras, might be the day to dial it back a notch or at least present one's best updo?! I wasn't particularly impressed with either of their efforts nor the hairdresser's attitude. Rice with 10 minutes to go? Really? And a stew with potatoes, over rice just sounds like starch overkill to me.

 

Scott and noodles - major eyeroll. I'm sure that the pasta manufacturers embed some fantastic pasta quality into each individual noodle, that is released never to be seen again if the noodle is broken before cooking it.

[Julia]

You know, Lidia Bastianich was one of the first people who made italian food that was treated as fine dining. Up to that point, it was pretty much something foreigners served on platters in places with red tableclothes (my grandparents, for instance).

 

All of which is to say that I've noticed that italian chefs who do fine dining (and Joe Bastianich) sometimes make weird pronouncements about italian food rules that I've never heard of, and I wonder if part of that isn't an attempt to make it more complicated and inaccessible and Serious. Which is really, truly not the point of italian food since the roman empire went down, but I guess it makes them feel more important.

Edited April 9, 2015 by Julia

[bubbls]

 

Scott and noodles - major eyeroll. I'm sure that the pasta manufacturers embed some fantastic pasta quality into each individual noodle, that is released never to be seen again if the noodle is broken before cooking it.

 

 

I did a big 'ol eye roll over this too. I always break my pasta. Because, you know, I prefer it all to be cooked the same rather than half only partially cooked because it didn't ooze down into my pot quickly enough. But, hey, that's just me, one of the unwashed masses. 

[Wordsworth]

 

I got very tired of his schtick very quickly, just because it all seemed so rehearsed.

 

Yeah, we felt the same way.

 

* Marilyn trying to cook rice in 10 minutes.  Anyone who's watched the show knows that rice never gets done.

* The hair on the plate:  Yeah, of course, Chris Santos got it.

* Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to have four plates, not three, let me just shove food over!

* Chris remarking on Drew's hair comment.  Fun stuff.

 

 

 

[Janimo]

Did anyone else think that the black jazz singer gentleman who was chopped first in the ep that Drew won resembled Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson? His size, face and speaking pattern reminded me of Dwayne so much, 'cept the contestant was much darker completed.

Just wondering. :)

[backformore]

New episode?  First responders - police, fire, paramedic, bomb squad, all of whom take COOKING  so seriously.  And one has a sob story about having not one, but two autistic sons.

 

<yawn>  

[bubbls]

I kind of enjoyed the first reponders. I laughed right out loud when the woman said her plate looked like a crime scene. All my plates look like crime scenes, hehe. 

[rab01]

I did a big 'ol eye roll over this too. I always break my pasta. Because, you know, I prefer it all to be cooked the same rather than half only partially cooked because it didn't ooze down into my pot quickly enough. But, hey, that's just me, one of the unwashed masses. 

I do the same thing but Conant isn't alone about it.  Mario Batali said pretty much the same thing back when he had a cooking show on FN - he called breaking the pasta a sin in Italian cooking. For him though, it was about respecting your ingredients. If I remember correctly it went something like --- "Unless you're eating some dreadful box pasta, it's disrespectful to the people who work hours to get long delicate strands of pasta."

Edited April 17, 2015 by rab01

[cooksdelight]

I'm pretty sure the dreadful box pasta is what they have in the Chopped kitchen unless they make it themselves.

[NikSac]

It occurred to me watching some recent episodes, shouldn't they maybe just take ingredients out of the pantry entirely if they can't be cooked in time?  For example, rice. Rice never works - it seems like they just shouldn't even stock ingredients that would be impossible.

[cooksdelight]

You can cook rice in under 30 minutes if you get it in the pot of already-boiling water right away. They have boiling water on their stoves, and when it was one of those "everything fried" episodes, a pot of hot oil. I think they have things in there that maybe shouldn't be used just to see if someone will try, and pull it off. And of course....there's the dreaded truffle oil. Which no one should use, but someone always does.

[NikSac]

Cooksdelight I guess that's true... worth it to see if they can pull it off. I forgot they always have pots of boiling water to start with. It's just frustrating when even the judges immediately go "oh no! s/he's going for rice!" and you know it's not going to work out. So true about the truffle oil. I've never even had the stuff, but the judges seem to universally dislike it. That's another one I wish they'd take out of the pantry. It seems like a trap. 

[cooksdelight]

I can't remember which show it was, but someone actually used the truffle oil successfully. Once out of hundreds of dishes, that is.

[bubbls]

I do the same thing but Conant isn't alone about it.  Mario Batali said pretty much the same thing back when he had a cooking show on FN - he called breaking the pasta a sin in Italian cooking. For him though, it was about respecting your ingredients. If I remember correctly it went something like --- "Unless you're eating some dreadful box pasta, it's disrespectful to the people who work hours to get long delicate strands of pasta."

 

 

I can understand that reasoning even if I'd never follow it. I eat and prefer (!!) that dreadful box pasta so I don't think Mario needs to worry about me. Scott on the other hand.......

You can cook rice in under 30 minutes if you get it in the pot of already-boiling water right away. They have boiling water on their stoves, and when it was one of those "everything fried" episodes, a pot of hot oil.

 

 

I've often wondered about this because I cook rice in under 30 all the time. I wonder why nobody on the show manages it. 

[JessDVD]

Unless they're using some rice I'm not familiar with, it should only take 15 min if put right into boiling water. I assume the problem is usually that they don't have the idea to do risotto or whatever until they're already 10 minutes in, which is pushing it for getting it out with enough time to do whatever else they want to do, as well as plate. 

[Julia]

I think a lot of these people have dreadful time management skills. Unless they're showing what happens badly out of order, there is no reason on earth anyone should be chopping herbs or onions before the beans or grains or gristley cuts or game meats are on or in the stove.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Julia

[Maverick]

If I remember correctly it went something like --- "Unless you're eating some dreadful box pasta, it's disrespectful to the people who work hours to get long delicate strands of pasta."

 

 This is such bullshit.  Their 'reward' is the price their paid for their product....and a high price it is too, I assume since it's now doubt sold as handmade and artisan.  I'd venture none of them give a damn what you use it for or how you prepare it.  They're not going to eat it, watch you cook or know if you just throw it in the trash once you leave the store.

[xaxat]

Mario Batali said pretty much the same thing back when he had a cooking show on FN - he called breaking the pasta a sin in Italian cooking. For him though, it was about respecting your ingredients. If I remember correctly it went something like --- "Unless you're eating some dreadful box pasta, it's disrespectful to the people who work hours to get long delicate strands of pasta."

 

I'd bet a lot of money that the boxed pasta bearing his name is made pretty much the same way as other boxed pasta. Better ingredients perhaps, but machine extruded and machine cut.

[Julia]

I've bought artisan pasta before, but I don't think I've ever encountered delicate linguine or spaghetti. 

[Bella]

Every winter, I make a huge batch of hand-rolled pasta or gnocchi. I then put each serving into a plastic bag and freeze it. I usually give away 2-4 of those little bags of pasta or gnocchi. I don't care what the recipient does afterwards, though if they flush it down the toilet or feed it to the dog, I'd rather not know.

 

As for disrespecting thin pasta that's been extruded from a machine? I'm sure the machines weep copious tears every time one of us breaks the pasta. 

 

Really, of all the pretentious foodie b.s. I've encountered on the Food Network, this has to be the silliest.

[Julia]

Every winter, I make a huge batch of hand-rolled pasta or gnocchi. I then put each serving into a plastic bag and freeze it. I usually give away 2-4 of those little bags of pasta or gnocchi. I don't care what the recipient does afterwards, though if they flush it down the toilet or feed it to the dog, I'd rather not know.

As for disrespecting thin pasta that's been extruded from a machine? I'm sure the machines weep copious tears every time one of us breaks the pasta.

Really, of all the pretentious foodie b.s. I've encountered on the Food Network, this has to be the silliest.

I hereby volunteer to take any homemade gnocchi which needs a good home.

Also, my dream entree has now evolved. Now, it's broken capellini with shrimp and truffle oil from the pantry garnished with a handful of raw red onion slivers and chopped [whatever obscure basket ingedient I don't feel like working with].

The butterscotch chip durian sorbet is in the coulis, and I used it to confit the ant eggs.

Edited April 18, 2015 by Julia

[cooksdelight]

HAHAHAHA!! Brilliant, Julia!

I live alone and it's impossible to make food for "just one". Even potato salad, I tried and still ended up with a big bowl of the stuff.

[cattykit]

I think a lot of these people have dreadful time management skills. Unless they're showing what happens badly out of order, there is no reason on earth anyone should be chopping herbs or onions before the beans or grains or gristley cuts or game meats are on or in the stove.

I suspect it's not really time management skills so much as they are buying time by doing prep work while they think about what they're going to make. 

 

If breaking pasta is disrespecting it (and now we've devolved from Colicchio's "respecting the protein" to respecting a manufactured piece of starch), then one had best not cut it or chew it, either.  Swallow that lasagna whole, dammit!

 

Seriously, someone explain to me how a smaller piece of spaghetti tastes different in any way whatsoever from a longer piece.  I always break the pasta to make it fit in the damn pot.

[Drogo]

"People who don't own tremendous pots are peasants."

(Tattooed on Scott Conant's ass)

[Bella]

You know, if Scott had said something like "the length actually affects the taste of the pasta, so you're changing that when you break it" and then explained why, I'd think he was less of an ass. I wouldn't believe him, but at least he'd be using Fake Science* instead of Fatuous Opinion.

 

(For those of you on Facebook, check out the Fake Science. It's quite funny.)

[Westiepeach]

Well, I made Shrimp Spaghetti yesterday. And I ... *gasp* ... broke the pasta into ... wait for it ... THIRDS.