Except Chelsea (and Cole)

[Lemons]

52 minutes ago, Mkay said:

I’m in the country with little over an acre. My dream is to hit the lottery and buy hundreds of acres so I can have no neighbors.  None. I love Chelsea’s new location.  That’s my dream.  

My dream is the penthouse in a luxury high rise with a rooftop swimming pool 

[gunderda]

All I ask is for some privacy in my back yard! lol 

[Christina87]

I hope Chelsea doesn't have to do anything but literally give the OK to put her name on each particular product. Whatever happened to her Profile by Sanford blog? I thought she was going to be sharing her favorite recipes and having a weight loss blog. I clicked on the link in her Instagram just to see, and the page is still blank. I knew she wouldn't do it, though! I'm sure the people who work there kiss her ass. "Ohhhh, it's okay, gurrrrrl! We know you have three kids, and one's a babyyyyy! Omg and coleyyyy!!! Like, you're fiiiiine. Just blog when you feel like it."

Again, it irks me that no one expects these girls to even do the bare minimum. They literally don't even have to show up to get paid. Ooooooh, being a teen mom is looking sooooo hard...not!

[lilmarysunshine]

You all weren't kidding about Chelsea and Cole working 25 hours/day trying to convince us he's the BESTEST dad on the planet!  He's constantly holding that baby and he can't even be left alone with the babies because OMG....he loves them SO MUCH and he cannot bear to hear them cry.  (Unlike all of the other unfeeling parents who are able to manage it just fine.)

They are increasingly annoying. A

[druzy]

[galaxychaser]

Dang that boy is adorbs. I think he said French fries then sissy.

[druzy]

[TimeToCancelTM]

Say what you want about Chelsea, but this woman has some beautiful ass children 😍 this baby melts my fucking black heart!! 

[BitterApple]

I guess it's in the eye of the beholder, because they just look like average run-of-the-mill babies to me. Cute in that generic way all kids are cute, but nothing that would stop me in my tracks. *running away to avoid tomatoes being thrown*

[lilmarysunshine]

28 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

I guess it's in the eye of the beholder, because they just look like average run-of-the-mill babies to me. Cute in that generic way all kids are cute, but nothing that would stop me in my tracks. *running away to avoid tomatoes being thrown*

Yeah, I agree. I think most babies (not all) are at least a little cute. So yeah they're cute but I don't think any cuter than most.

[alexa]

9 hours ago, JuliesMommy said:

Say what you want about Chelsea, but this woman has some beautiful ass children 😍 this baby melts my fucking black heart!! 

I think they are pretty cute too.  I think a lot of it is how happy they are--they are cute, but when you add the genuine happiness, it makes them even more beautiful.

[Lemons]

18 hours ago, BitterApple said:

I guess it's in the eye of the beholder, because they just look like average run-of-the-mill babies to me. Cute in that generic way all kids are cute, but nothing that would stop me in my tracks. *running away to avoid tomatoes being thrown*

Same.  The baby is cute but Watson is on par with Lux in the funny looking little old man looks.  

[Rebecca]

I think, so far, Layne and Watson are cuter than Aubree but they’re not remarkably cute to me. The only kid on this show that I’ve found crazy adorable at any time was Lincoln, which is shocking considering his less-than-cute parentage.

[BitterApple]

Just now, Rebecca said:

I think, so far, Layne and Watson are cuter than Aubree but they’re not remarkably cute to me. The only kid on this show that I’ve found crazy adorable at any time was Lincoln, which is shocking considering his less-than-cute parentage.

I agree. All the kids are cute (minus an unfortunate two who I won't mention) but Lincoln has my vote as cutest of the boys and I think Nova is the prettiest of the girls. 

[druzy]

[Scarlett45]

On 3/14/2019 at 9:31 PM, BitterApple said:

I guess it's in the eye of the beholder, because they just look like average run-of-the-mill babies to me. Cute in that generic way all kids are cute, but nothing that would stop me in my tracks. *running away to avoid tomatoes being thrown*

Yes. I think Watson is slightly above average in cuteness (I LOVE HIS CHEEKS), and I think Layne is cute in a normal baby way. But I’m also someone that thinks Lux is cute. He looks so quirky. 

[teapot]

3 hours ago, druzy said:

Watson's going through *such* a fussy stage right now!  He always seems to be crying, poor little thing! I think he calmed down when Aubree came home on the last ep.  Maybe it's tough having a new baby around when you're only two!

[lovesnark]

2 hours ago, teapot said:

Watson's going through *such* a fussy stage right now!  He always seems to be crying, poor little thing! I think he calmed down when Aubree came home on the last ep.  Maybe it's tough having a new baby around when you're only two!

It is. My daughter's friend is going through the same thing right now. Her two year old has been pretty challenging since the baby got here. They have a hard time understanding that they're no longer the absolute center of the universe.

[ShaNaeNae]

I've never been a fan of Chelsea, so much so I stayed out of this thread while she was the hot commodity when she first met/married Cole.  I just find them incredibly fake and think she really stands out just because of the trash that I were the other TM's.

That said, I think she makes adorable babies.  I thought Aubrey was the cutest of the babies back when they were all little.  Watson is my favorite.  Layne is cute but she looks like a mini Randy to me.  

[Christina87]

Ok, Cole, this is getting old. Making EVERY post that features Chelsea about her looks, and exaggerating them even, is not the thing to do when someone has insecurities like she does. Honestly, this is not a great picture of her, but that's okay. She is going through everyday life, holding a baby, and looking like a supermodel isn't on her agenda at the moment. I've never seen her hair look this incredibly greasy before, and I'm not judging, because mine has looked worse many a time. She's in sweats, and her eyelashes are weirdly clumpy. Yet Cole chooses to focus this entire post on her being a "smoke show." We get it, Cole. You can calm down. Honestly, if my SO posted this about me, I'd feel like he was mocking me, because she doesn't look her best at all. I wonder if Chelsea will get to he point where she thinks, "I really don't look good here, but he's making a big deal about me being hot. What if he's lying about me being hot all the time?!" I would totally understand this caption if she was all dressed up and looked stunning, but it just seems disingenuous with this picture. He could have said something about her being an amazing mother, or about Layne, or what they were doing that day, or even something like, "she manages to work hard with the kids, and has an air of grace and beauty as a mother," and it would seem more genuine. Methinks coley has let being the golden boy go to his head, because he loves reading all the single moms commenting, "ohhhh Cole, do you have a brother? You are such a perfect guy! I love hearing your love for Chelsea! Someday a man will love my kids as his own too. They don't make husbands like you anymore! #waitingformycole."

i think Chelsea is beautiful, but no one is so amazingly gorgeous that every single caption should be about their looks. 

*ducking to avoid tomatoes being thrown at me, too*

Edited March 22, 2019 by Christina87

[Brooklynista]

4 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Ok, Cole, this is getting old. Making EVERY post that features Chelsea about her looks, and exaggerating them even, is not the thing to do when someone has insecurities like she does. Honestly, this is not a great picture of her, but that's okay. She is going through everyday life, holding a baby, and looking like a supermodel isn't on her agenda at the moment. I've never seen her hair look this incredibly greasy before, and I'm not judging, because mine has looked worse many a time. She's in sweats, and her eyelashes are weirdly clumpy. Yet Cole chooses to focus this entire post on her being a "smoke show." We get it, Cole. You can calm down. Honestly, if my SO posted this about me, I'd feel like he was mocking me, because she doesn't look her best at all. I wonder if Chelsea will get to he point where she thinks, "I really don't look good here, but he's making a big deal about me being hot. What if he's lying about me being hot all the time?!" I would totally understand this caption if she was all dressed up and looked stunning, but it just seems disingenuous with this picture. He could have said something about her being an amazing mother, or about Layne, or what they were doing that day, or even something like, "she manages to work hard with the kids, and has an air of grace and beauty as a mother," and it would seem more genuine. Methinks coley has let being the golden boy go to his head, because he loves reading all the single moms commenting, "ohhhh Cole, do you have a brother? You are such a perfect guy! I love hearing your love for Chelsea! Someday a man will love my kids as his own too. They don't make husbands like you anymore! #waitingformycole."

i think Chelsea is beautiful, but no one is so amazingly gorgeous that every single caption should be about their looks. 

*ducking to avoid tomatoes being thrown at me, too*

You think we're watching Tyler Part Deux in the making?

[ShaNaeNae]

6 hours ago, Christina87 said:

Ok, Cole, this is getting old. Making EVERY post that features Chelsea about her looks, and exaggerating them even, is not the thing to do when someone has insecurities like she does. Honestly, this is not a great picture of her, but that's okay. She is going through everyday life, holding a baby, and looking like a supermodel isn't on her agenda at the moment. I've never seen her hair look this incredibly greasy before, and I'm not judging, because mine has looked worse many a time. She's in sweats, and her eyelashes are weirdly clumpy. Yet Cole chooses to focus this entire post on her being a "smoke show." We get it, Cole. You can calm down. Honestly, if my SO posted this about me, I'd feel like he was mocking me, because she doesn't look her best at all. I wonder if Chelsea will get to he point where she thinks, "I really don't look good here, but he's making a big deal about me being hot. What if he's lying about me being hot all the time?!" I would totally understand this caption if she was all dressed up and looked stunning, but it just seems disingenuous with this picture. He could have said something about her being an amazing mother, or about Layne, or what they were doing that day, or even something like, "she manages to work hard with the kids, and has an air of grace and beauty as a mother," and it would seem more genuine. Methinks coley has let being the golden boy go to his head, because he loves reading all the single moms commenting, "ohhhh Cole, do you have a brother? You are such a perfect guy! I love hearing your love for Chelsea! Someday a man will love my kids as his own too. They don't make husbands like you anymore! #waitingformycole."

i think Chelsea is beautiful, but no one is so amazingly gorgeous that every single caption should be about their looks. 

*ducking to avoid tomatoes being thrown at me, too*

Ugh.  He's just not my type of guy.  Or maybe I'm just sick of "everyone needs a Cole".  No.  No I don't.  

[BitterApple]

2 hours ago, ShaNaeNae said:

Ugh.  He's just not my type of guy.  Or maybe I'm just sick of "everyone needs a Cole".  No.  No I don't.  

I agree. He's a decent guy, but people act like he's the reincarnation of Jesus. I liked him when he first hit the scene, but his personality is so affected now and he plays to the cameras. He's just being way too extra and it's diminishing his appeal exponentially.

Regarding the pic of Chelsea, I love her hair color, but those fake eyelashes are killing me.

[lilmarysunshine]

On 3/15/2019 at 9:15 PM, Rebecca said:

I think, so far, Layne and Watson are cuter than Aubree but they’re not remarkably cute to me. The only kid on this show that I’ve found crazy adorable at any time was Lincoln, which is shocking considering his less-than-cute parentage.

I think Lincoln tends to have a ton of "personality," which kind of makes him more magnetic, I guess. 

[lilmarysunshine]

10 hours ago, Brooklynista said:

You think we're watching Tyler Part Deux in the making?

YES!!! That's exactly what I think.

Blech.

[ghoulina]

Maybe Cole, being a guy, doesn't notice things like clumpy eyelashes. Also, there's something to be said for the attraction we have towards our partners when we see them with our kids. My husband often tells me, to my face, that I look gorgeous when I feel I look awful. *shrug*

[lilmarysunshine]

3 hours ago, ghoulina said:

Maybe Cole, being a guy, doesn't notice things like clumpy eyelashes. Also, there's something to be said for the attraction we have towards our partners when we see them with our kids. My husband often tells me, to my face, that I look gorgeous when I feel I look awful. *shrug*

There's a difference, imo, in saying that to your spouse privately and putting it on Instagram for her 1 million followers. Just sounds cloying and desperate to me and a man trained to take care of her insecurities, which to me she is still desperately insecure. Why else put on your "full face" to hang out in your hoodie? 

[Rebecca]

I think Cole enjoys the attention and he probably knows that Chelsea is into his public declarations too, so they’re both made happy by him posting such things. I wouldn’t be into it but if they are? 

 

[Christina87]

Nevermind...was redundant. 

Edited March 23, 2019 by Christina87

[Christina87]

5 hours ago, lilmarysunshine said:

There's a difference, imo, in saying that to your spouse privately and putting it on Instagram for her 1 million followers. Just sounds cloying and desperate to me and a man trained to take care of her insecurities, which to me she is still desperately insecure. Why else put on your "full face" to hang out in your hoodie? 

I agree completely! I feel like most people's spouses (or just boyfriends) find them just as beautiful in sweats. However, there's a huge difference to me between him saying it to me, and taking a picture of me looking average (for me) or below and going on and on about my looks. Nobody looks perfect in every picture! When Cole brags about Chelsea's looks in a picture like this, it's different, because it's not a private sentiment anymore. It's not, "honey, you look beautiful to me whatever you wear." It's, "leghumpers, look how much I loooooove my wife!!! Aren't you jealous?"

[ghoulina]

15 hours ago, lilmarysunshine said:

There's a difference, imo, in saying that to your spouse privately and putting it on Instagram for her 1 million followers. Just sounds cloying and desperate to me and a man trained to take care of her insecurities, which to me she is still desperately insecure. Why else put on your "full face" to hang out in your hoodie? 

Maybe because she LIKES to? I'm a SAHM. Many days I never leave my house. I still do a full face of makeup every day. Why, because I love makeup! It's how I express myself. It's fun. And the time I spend in the bathroom doing it - that's my "me time". I listen to my favorite podcast and just have some alone time. Maybe it's the same for Chelsea. 

Chelsea and Cole are young. Young people tend to live their lives on SM. I'm not saying I like it. But for many of them there's really no difference in telling her to her face or posting it on a pic on Instagram. I don't think he's trying to make people jealous or anything. *shrug*

[Rebecca]

I think Cole genuinely means it and finds all the positive comments a great bonus. I can’t deny that he appears to enjoy the attention (wouldn’t most people love everyone telling them how great they are?) but that doesn’t mean what he’s saying is a lie. He’s never expressed being unhappy in his marriage or talked about “heifers” for wives...unlike Tyler. I think it could all go to Cole’s head but I don’t know that I think it has already.

[druzy]

Speaking of Cole, look who showed up on Property Brothers- his doppelganger:

[lilmarysunshine]

15 minutes ago, Rebecca said:

I think Cole genuinely means it and finds all the positive comments a great bonus. I can’t deny that he appears to enjoy the attention (wouldn’t most people love everyone telling them how great they are?) but that doesn’t mean what he’s saying is a lie. He’s never expressed being unhappy in his marriage or talked about “heifers” for wives...unlike Tyler. I think it could all go to Cole’s head but I don’t know that I think it has already.

Oh, I think he genuinely loves her, too. You can tell by how they relate that they love each other.

But I can't imagine how living your life, including some of your most private moments, in front of cameras (either MTV or Instagram) alters your psyche.  I think of that with Aubree. This is the only life this child knows and maybe I'm reading too much into her behaviors but to me it seems like she's *very* aware of the cameras and people paying close attention to what she says and how she says it. And that includes Chelsea and Mary, who are always trying to influence her thinking especially when it comes to Cole and Adam.  I honestly cannot imagine what it is like to have to be that aware of every single thing you do at the ripe old age of 9.

I think this fame game fundamentally changes people - who they are and how they interact with people in their own lives, most importantly. Maybe if Chelsea was just some random girl he met at the gas station he would still be a clothing designer @@ or feel compelled to post all of the time about how gorgeous his wife is, which is basically annoying to everyone else on social media. Yeah....we got it, dude.

Edited March 23, 2019 by lilmarysunshine

[Rebecca]

Since the Linds are pretty elusive to us all, I decided to see what I could find about them online. Most of info was originally posted in the latest episode thread but it makes more sense here and this breaks it down easier, plus some people probably aren’t looking at that thread much since it’s days old.

Adam has 3 brothers.

Darren: Most of the info on him is from his wife’s FB so it’s a bit scarce compared to the rest. He’s been married for 16 years and has 3 kids. He looks to be around 40. It appears he works in technology. His wife seems really lovely. They’ve lived in different states but I think they live in S.D. now.

Robert: Another older brother. He’s 31 and is also married with 2 kids and one on the way. (That info comes from his wife’s FB, so no link.) He was also a baseball player in college. From 2011: http://www.georgiastatesports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=12700&ATCLID=204776160  

At the bottom of that link this info is provided: “Robert Lind is one of four children to Vern and Donna Lind. Born on January 26, 1988, in Sioux Falls, S.D. Has one older brother, Darren, and two younger brothers, Sam and Adam. His brother Sam is currently playing baseball for Central Arizona College. Currently majoring in biology.” So that also confirms that these are Adam’s brothers. He talks a little about his upbringing on this link: http://www.georgiastatesports.com/ViewArticle.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=12700&ATCLID=205135595 There are kind of a lot of Rob/Bob/Robert Linds in that area so I can’t find what he does for a job currently. They have lived in different states too but are back in S.D.  

Sam: The youngest Lind child. He’s 28, lives in Arizona and is married to a (beautiful!) Brazilian woman. They got married a year ago in S.D. and Aubree appears to have been the flower girl in their wedding. Sam’s wife and Chelsea DeBoer follow each other on Instagram and she tagged Chelsea in the pictures Aubree is in. Adam wasn’t in any of the wedding pics, even though Aubree was. They had another wedding in Brazil and Adam is also missing from all those pics, though the rest of the family (not Aubree) was there. As of 2017 he’s a coach for his old college’s baseball team: http://www.vaquerosports.com/sports/bsb/2017-18/releases/20170908wj83d7    He was a big baseball player in college and even played professionally before turning to coaching. More about him: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.argusleader.com/amp/12903201

Also, two of Adam’s brothers are married to women named Chelsea...but they both spell it differently! 😆 

They all appear to be successful and normal and very unAdam-y. Chelsea follows all three of Adam’s brothers’ wives on Instagram, which is kinda surprising. The brothers themselves don’t have social media.

One other thing is that most of them (his brothers and their wives) are super into fitness and lifting etc, like Adam is/was.

Edited March 23, 2019 by Rebecca

[Rebecca]

Being in his brother’s wedding, Aubree obviously has a relationship with her uncles and aunts on that side, which was nice to see! It also helps us understand more that she has a real family on that side, even if Adam isn’t really involved. Hopefully they help to lessen that blow for her just by being in her life. Maybe seeing that Adam doesn’t do much with ANY of his family (he’s in zero pictures on any of the wives’ social media but they and their husbands are on each other’s) helps her to realize it’s HIM and he’s like that with everyone, not just her.

Seeing all of this makes me feel like Cole adopting her and “taking her away” from the rest of the Linds would be a horrible idea. She’s an established member of the family, I can see now why she acts the way she does when they bring it up. There are pictures of Aubree playing with her cousins on her aunts’ social media as well. The Linds are a lot more than just Adam...I hope Chelsea realizes that! This also gives insight into why Adam gave up custody of Paislee yet didn’t do that in regard to Aubree. I feel like the rest of his family would pay his child support for him, if it came down to it, to keep her in their family and lives. His siblings all seem very family oriented.

I was surprised that Chelsea follows all three wives on Instagram. It kind of bothers me that she knows they’re (seemingly) great people and that they have a relationship with her daughter but she still is pushing Aubree to be adopted by Cole and she’d love it if Aubree no longer wanted to be a Lind or have anything to do with them. Before seeing all of them it was easier to think they were all probably dirt bags or something and that Aubree might be better off without them but now I think it’s just ADAM himself that she’s better off without. I think the rest of the siblings are positive people to have in her life.

Edited March 23, 2019 by Rebecca

[druzy]

Wow @Rebecca thanks for the information! Why is Chelsea even mentioning adoption?

When Cole came home with Aubree did anyone else notice that Aubree looked like she felt like she was in trouble? It was after Chelsea said Aubree will you go downstairs for a minute and Aubree gets up and she kind of looks at the camera. 

[lilmarysunshine]

Aubree always looks at the cameras. Poor kid. She had NO CHOICE but to live her life this way and for the whole world to be privvy to her messy (through no fault of hers) relationship with her father. We all saw him refer to her as a “mistake” and she will see it, too, if she has not already, because Chelsea and Randy are thirsty. 

I’m gonna say it - Chelsea is a shit mother to do that to her because she is desperate for positive attention. I don’t care if her kids are better cared for than Jenelle’s. 

[geauxaway]

Thanks @Rebecca for your thorough research!  You are 100% correct that the Linds are more than Adam.  

They really need to cool it with this adoption talk.  It’s not even on the table, why perpetuate the fantasy?  Chelsea needs to grow up.

[Lemons]

1 hour ago, lilmarysunshine said:

Aubree always looks at the cameras. Poor kid. She had NO CHOICE but to live her life this way and for the whole world to be privvy to her messy (through no fault of hers) relationship with her father. We all saw him refer to her as a “mistake” and she will see it, too, if she has not already, because Chelsea and Randy are thirsty. 

I’m gonna say it - Chelsea is a shit mother to do that to her because she is desperate for positive attention. I don’t care if her kids are better cared for than Jenelle’s. 

Adam's clearly mentally ill and with that frequently comes drug abuse. 

It really sickened me when Chelsea filmed Aubrey going to see her father at that center and he didn't show up.  She created a whole lot of drama for the camera.  I would not have told Aubrey she was going to see her father knowing his history.  I would have said we were going somewhere else and if he did show up that would have been a bonus.  The whole thing was gross.  

[BitterApple]

After reading that Aubree was in her uncle's wedding, it's obvious she has way more than just a cursory relationship with Adam's family. Of course Chelsea and Cole conveniently forget to mention that in their never-ending pursuit of adoption. 

[Christina87]

Wow @Rebecca good research!!! Sounds like some people just really are bad eggs. I've always suspected the Linds were decent people, or else Randy would have had a problem with them taking Aubree for visits. He never, even in the beginning, had a bad thing to say about her going over there, and he wouldn't have been shy about it if they'd been like him. I'm sure at that point, everyone thought adam would grow up. So sad!

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, BitterApple said:

After reading that Aubree was in her uncle's wedding, it's obvious she has way more than just a cursory relationship with Adam's family. Of course Chelsea and Cole conveniently forget to mention that in their never-ending pursuit of adoption. 

If Aubree wants to be adopted by Cole (I’m only thinking of her wishes, now and in the future); that wouldn’t make her any less a member of Lind family emotionally if she wanted to be. They are still biologically her relatives (just like Paislee), being adopted by Cole wouldn’t stop them from loving each other. Of course I’m speaking about what Aubree wants IF that’s what she wants. It’s not an either/or thing to me. 

[ghoulina]

10 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

If Aubree wants to be adopted by Cole (I’m only thinking of her wishes, now and in the future); that wouldn’t make her any less a member of Lind family emotionally if she wanted to be. They are still biologically her relatives (just like Paislee), being adopted by Cole wouldn’t stop them from loving each other. Of course I’m speaking about what Aubree wants IF that’s what she wants. It’s not an either/or thing to me. 

That's what I'm thinking. IF Cole adopted Aubree, that would not mean she would have to stop seeing the Linds. Honestly, Chelsea has no obligation to any of them other than Adumb. And she's let Aubree be involved in their lives for years. I think she's been very patient, considering how unreliable Donna has been in certain matters. All this being in the uncle's wedding and at family events? That's because Chelsea allows it. I don't see her stopping just because Cole technically became Aubree's father. She wouldn't do something that would intentionally hurt Aubree. 

[BitterApple]

I think she would. Chelsea's made no mention of allowing Aubree to continue seeing the Linds during any of the conversations she's had with Cole, Mary or Randy. I think she wants to pretend Adam never existed and she wasn't the idiot who got knocked up by a loser in high school. 

All this nonsense about Chelsea potentially dying and Aubree going to Adam is just fodder to push the adoption. Why was this never a concern pre-Cole? Adam was a fuck-up long before White Knight came into the picture, so Chelsea should've had provisions in place ages ago.

[Christina87]

26 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

I think she would. Chelsea's made no mention of allowing Aubree to continue seeing the Linds during any of the conversations she's had with Cole, Mary or Randy. I think she wants to pretend Adam never existed and she wasn't the idiot who got knocked up by a loser in high school. 

All this nonsense about Chelsea potentially dying and Aubree going to Adam is just fodder to push the adoption. Why was this never a concern pre-Cole? Adam was a fuck-up long before White Knight came into the picture, so Chelsea should've had provisions in place ages ago.

I agree, and I do think the Linds being part of Aubree's life is normal, not some superhuman feat because Chelsea is a really magnanimous person. Adam is still her legal dad, so I'm not throwing Chelsea a ticker tape parade yet for allowing her to spend time with the family of one of her biological and legal parents. Back when Chelsea was totally a single mom, she really appreciated having someone to coparent with. It kind of rubs me the wrong way that because adam is a deadbeat, Chelsea is a big hero for allowing Aubree to be around her loving relatives who aren't deadbeats. It's not like they don't want to be involved, and Chelsea has had to push them to care. Why would you not allow your child to spend time with relatives who want to be in her life, and love her?

[Lemons]

2 hours ago, ghoulina said:

That's what I'm thinking. IF Cole adopted Aubree, that would not mean she would have to stop seeing the Linds. Honestly, Chelsea has no obligation to any of them other than Adumb. And she's let Aubree be involved in their lives for years. I think she's been very patient, considering how unreliable Donna has been in certain matters. All this being in the uncle's wedding and at family events? That's because Chelsea allows it. I don't see her stopping just because Cole technically became Aubree's father. She wouldn't do something that would intentionally hurt Aubree. 

They are the child’s grandparents and have just as much right to see their grandchild as the other set of grandparents. So to say Chelsea has no obligation to “tolerate” Aubrey’s family is ridiculous.  Patience has nothing to do with anything.

 She’s creating an overly dramatic storyline for herself and it’s not in Aubrey’s best interest.   

[Scarlett45]

1 hour ago, Christina87 said:

I agree, and I do think the Linds being part of Aubree's life is normal, not some superhuman feat because Chelsea is a really magnanimous person. Adam is still her legal dad, so I'm not throwing Chelsea a ticker tape parade yet for allowing her to spend time with the family of one of her biological and legal parents. Back when Chelsea was totally a single mom, she really appreciated having someone to coparent with. It kind of rubs me the wrong way that because adam is a deadbeat, Chelsea is a big hero for allowing Aubree to be around her loving relatives who aren't deadbeats. It's not like they don't want to be involved, and Chelsea has had to push them to care. Why would you not allow your child to spend time with relatives who want to be in her life, and love her?

I’m not disagreeing with you at all, I just don’t think that’s inconsistent with Cole adopting Aubree IF that’s what Aubree wants (now or ever in her life). 

Perhaps I’m seeing it from my own life experiences, I’m estranged from my father and have been since I was 12. (My choice he’s not a good person) But I’m very close with my paternal relatives and love them very much, we socialize, spend holidays together. My mom doesn’t have any family besides me and my sister. My mom is single but if she had met a man I wanted to be my father that would in no way cause me to love my great aunts or cousins ANY LESS. (My great uncles are all deceased now) How I feel about HIM has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I would imagine it would be the same for Aubree. 

I will get on Chelsea’s case for not backing off and letting Aubree decide this (now or at 18) but I won’t critize her for “taking her away from the Linds” because adoption by Cole wouldn’t do that at all (in my mind). 

[Christina87]

1 hour ago, Scarlett45 said:

I’m not disagreeing with you at all, I just don’t think that’s inconsistent with Cole adopting Aubree IF that’s what Aubree wants (now or ever in her life). 

Perhaps I’m seeing it from my own life experiences, I’m estranged from my father and have been since I was 12. (My choice he’s not a good person) But I’m very close with my paternal relatives and love them very much, we socialize, spend holidays together. My mom doesn’t have any family besides me and my sister. My mom is single but if she had met a man I wanted to be my father that would in no way cause me to love my great aunts or cousins ANY LESS. (My great uncles are all deceased now) How I feel about HIM has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I would imagine it would be the same for Aubree. 

I will get on Chelsea’s case for not backing off and letting Aubree decide this (now or at 18) but I won’t critize her for “taking her away from the Linds” because adoption by Cole wouldn’t do that at all (in my mind). 

This is a really interesting perspective, and thanks for sharing! One thing I think Chelsea could do is explicitly tell Aubree that she could still have visitation with her grandparents, keep Lind in her last name, and see all of her Lind relatives as much as she wants to. It sounds like she has just said, "no, adam wouldn't be your dad anymore," and she's also continually made comments like, "do you still like going to Grandma Donna's for the weekend? You don't have to do it if you don't like it anymore. I wish you didn't have to go there on Father's Day. She came to eat lunch with you at school?" Chelsea obviously wishes adam and his family could be erased, and I think even though she isn't saying as much to Aubree, she picks up on it and reads between the lines. Add to that her mother's enthusiastically positive reinforcement when she calls Cole Dad, or acts like he's her dad, and I bet she feels like the second the paperwork is dry, the Linds will be history. Even though Chelsea was mad at Mary, I think Mary was the only one who handled this sensitive issue well with Aubree, telling her adam would always be her dad, but he just can't take care of her right now. 

[Scarlett45]

29 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

This is a really interesting perspective, and thanks for sharing! One thing I think Chelsea could do is explicitly tell Aubree that she could still have visitation with her grandparents, keep Lind in her last name, and see all of her Lind relatives as much as she wants to. It sounds like she has just said, "no, adam wouldn't be your dad anymore," and she's also continually made comments like, "do you still like going to Grandma Donna's for the weekend? You don't have to do it if you don't like it anymore. I wish you didn't have to go there on Father's Day. She came to eat lunch with you at school?" Chelsea obviously wishes adam and his family could be erased, and I think even though she isn't saying as much to Aubree, she picks up on it and reads between the lines. Add to that her mother's enthusiastically positive reinforcement when she calls Cole Dad, or acts like he's her dad, and I bet she feels like the second the paperwork is dry, the Linds will be history. Even though Chelsea was mad at Mary, I think Mary was the only one who handled this sensitive issue well with Aubree, telling her adam would always be her dad, but he just can't take care of her right now. 

I think extended family structures are very important (I mean when they are healthy, non toxic, non abusive of course), and based on my own life experience relatives outside of the nuclear family can enrich a child’s life so much (and an adult’s life as well); but I don’t think that replaces a parent relationship. It’s an entirely different level. (Again I’m talking about actual parents, not sperm/egg donors and surrogates)

Aubree will love Cole based on who Cole is and how he treats her, and those feelings will grow in an organic way if they are allowed to. If one day Aubree wants Cole to be her legal parent because of those feelings I would hate hate hate for her to think that made her “disloyal” or “ungrateful” to any of her Lind relatives- it doesn’t. Her emotional needs for a second parent (in this case a father) would come first because ADAM has been a piece of shit from day 1. I would also hate for the poor girl to feel guilty if she does not ever want to be adopted by Cole, even though she does love him. 

Aubree is 9, she’s old enough to have complex emotions and understand the family dynamics. It’s best to lay OFF the girl now that she knows adoption by Cole is an option. Listen to Randy here and just lay off.