S13.E15: Memory Lane & a Dirty Little Secret

[kristen111]

10 hours ago, Rae Spellman said:

Agreed. Myrla volunteers, coaches educators who work in schools with underserved students, and during the political discussion where Gil talked about voting for candidates and policies that served his financial interests she said it was more important to vote for candidates and policies that (she believes) serve the larger community.

On an earlier episode of Unfiltered, Myrla said she was recruited.  Perhaps MAFS recruited both of them for anticipated drama. Maybe they both accepted for exposure. Then they connected, chose to love, and became the saving grace of MAFS season whatever this is. 

Or is the question why a marriage-minded, attractive, all around awesome thirty-five year old man needed to go on MAFS to find a woman to raise and financially support his eight children? While it's easy to see why he would criticize Myrla and want her to change, maybe Gil's behavior toward Myrla is not specific to this relationship and at some point between day 1 and day 365 either Gil or the woman who was lined up to date him decides that it's better to move on.

I think the whole question here is How much money EXACTLY does he send to family.  In dollars and cents.  If a little,it’s no big deal.  If a lot, it is a big deal.  I’ve come to really respect and like Myrla.  She’s pulled herself out of poverty, got educated and has a good job and is probably admired by many.  She doesn’t brag either.  Gil isn’t offering too much here.  He does have plenty to say tho about how she should manage her money.  I’m looking at him differently now.  He sees everything in one package and is going for it, and outright telling her what to do.  It’s not right.  At 35, she’s been working hard.  Him, maybe he’s been floundering around trying different things, then just joined the Fire Dept.  Not much money there, so he has to depend on her and tell her how it will go.  Doesn’t sound too good.  The ball is in her court.  Stupid Show!  They reveal nothing.

[kristen111]

12 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

Why? Some people just like certain things and can afford to buy them so they do. I like designer bags. I like the leather (usually they are leather); I like the workmanship; I like the designs. I wouldn't buy a bag I hated just because it was a designer bag and I wouldn't hesitate to buy a bag I loved just because it wasn't a designer label. That's really all that's going on there.

Money goes a lot further in some countries than it does in the U.S. Gil could be providing some support for his mother and still saving for his own future. It doesn't have to be either/or.

Why? She's selling the dress but that doesn't mean she and Gil split (I'm not spoiled so I don't know what they did on Decision Day). Plenty of brides buy expensive dresses planning to sell them and recoup some of their money... and they have every intention of staying together. 

I agree with your take. I think that Myrla does work hard and she manages her money. She likes high-end clothing and accessories and she can afford them so she buys them and feels no shame about enjoying them (nor should she). I don't think she thinks that poor people don't deserve nice things and I doubt she would say that lazy rich people don't deserve them either. I think she likes to treat herself and there's nothing wrong with that.

The whole key here is HOW MUCH MONEY does Gil send.

[cardigirl]

It's all part of the "script" of the show, Myrla and Gil would be at odds over her spending. So it gets hyped up by the editing, and Gil brings it up ad nauseum. And Myrla was hired to be seen as difficult. 

I'm afraid for Myrla, in that I think Gil  may be stringing her along.  She seemed so happy when she said she chose to love her husband, and felt lucky to have been matched with him, and then we get the cuts to Gil talking about her being selfish. But, if I believe that much of this show is scripted, than perhaps this is all part of the script too.

I've liked Myrla since the beginning, for whatever that's worth. 

As someone said earlier, it is indeed a stupid show.  

 

   

[Elizzikra]

6 hours ago, Yeah No said:

It's what someone else considered a spoiler.  I however do not.  See my post above.  Also, FWIW, I was not the first person to mention the wedding dress in this thread.

I think I was the first person who mentioned it and I apologize if it is, in fact, a spoiler. I didn't recall having seen it there and don't really think it's a spoiler, but if it spoils things for someone, then I apologize.

[qtpye]

8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I agree with you about Gil and Myrla.  Gil thinks like a poor person that has to watch every penny.  Myrla thinks like a successful person that wisely budgets her money.  I would much rather be around her than him.  Gil could stand to learn a thing or two about finances from her.  Forget José teaching Rachel about finances, Myrla is the one that has her act together in that regard.  She has found a way to save AND spend and not be the worse off for it, in fact she is still saving.  So good on her for that.

I also agree that one of their big mismatches is that she is an introvert's introvert and he's a big extrovert.  Plus he's the type of extrovert to try to make her feel guilty for not being sociable all the time.  There is nothing wrong with either of them, they are just very different.  And as an introvert it does bug me that Gil acts like his way is "normal" and that she's just antisocial.  You might be right that this may be the thing that does them in.

 

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

I think the whole question here is How much money EXACTLY does he send to family.  In dollars and cents.  If a little,it’s no big deal.  If a lot, it is a big deal.  I’ve come to really respect and like Myrla.  She’s pulled herself out of poverty, got educated and has a good job and is probably admired by many.  She doesn’t brag either.  Gil isn’t offering too much here.  He does have plenty to say tho about how she should manage her money.  I’m looking at him differently now.  He sees everything in one package and is going for it, and outright telling her what to do.  It’s not right.  At 35, she’s been working hard.  Him, maybe he’s been floundering around trying different things, then just joined the Fire Dept.  Not much money there, so he has to depend on her and tell her how it will go.  Doesn’t sound too good.  The ball is in her court.  Stupid Show!  They reveal nothing.

 

1 hour ago, cardigirl said:

It's all part of the "script" of the show, Myrla and Gil would be at odds over her spending. So it gets hyped up by the editing, and Gil brings it up ad nauseum. And Myrla was hired to be seen as difficult. 

I'm afraid for Myrla, in that I think Gil  may be stringing her along.  She seemed so happy when she said she chose to love her husband, and felt lucky to have been matched with him, and then we get the cuts to Gil talking about her being selfish. But, if I believe that much of this show is scripted, than perhaps this is all part of the script too.

I've liked Myrla since the beginning, for whatever that's worth. 

As someone said earlier, it is indeed a stupid show.  

 

   

I know people think Gil's banter is cute but Myrla really has shown amazing self-control. Some of his jabs border on gaslighting.

When he called her an old lady in a volleyball jersey, he is lucky she did not counter with you are a former bodybuilder who is getting fat (Myrla has great muscle tone).

He is always clowning her on being a princess and spending. However, we never hear her ask him why does he have so little at the age of 35?  

I think I have seen Gil in some designer clothes, so it is not like he has taken a vow of poverty in order to serve his fellow man.

He has also just joined the fire department...what was he doing before? I know personal trainers who do quite well for themselves but you have to be motivated to get those types of high-paying clients.

I think Gil is one of those guys who thinks he can get by on his looks and charm. He is probably on the show to break into the entertainment industry.

I think the real reason Gil is bothered by Myrla is she represents all that he has not achieved in life.

If Mylra was a man there would be a line of women wanting to be with her for her ambition and financial savvy alone. The fact that she seems like a fairly nice person who knows what she wants would be the icing on the cake.

[Cramps]

Objectively, we have no idea what’s what with editing etc. But as a viewer, Gil’s constant criticisms and Myrla’s laughing it off, is now really getting to me. I personally, would have reached my limit and let him have it. 
 

As for economics, if they are in the marriage for the long hall, it shouldn’t matter who makes more money, but they do need some sort of counselor or money manager to talk them through compromising on things, so that he feels comfortable with their savings and helping his family, and she feels like she hasn’t completely given up all the designer accessories that obviously play a big role in her getting joy and feeling good about herself. 

[Crashcourse]

16 hours ago, Jeanne222 said:

Here’s Gil!  

I wonder when that photo was taken because that looks nothing like him now.  He's gotten heavier but even the face doesn't look like his.

[pdlinda]

5 hours ago, ByTor said:

It's the nanny costs that could make her income disappear, not quitting her job.

Exactly!    And, let's not forget the very costly post-pregnancy plastic surgery restoration procedures Myrla mentioned,  none of which are covered by insurance.

Between the financial disparities, Gil supporting his mother financially, the introvert/extrovert clash and Myrla's lifestyle requirements, I'm not seeing this match working

HOWEVER, I strongly believe they will "stay married" on DD to milk some future paychecks  from "couples cam" and/or other monetized features they might exploit on social media.  

At the proper time, however, my belief is that they will split.

Edited October 31, 2021 by pdlinda

[pdlinda]

4 hours ago, kristen111 said:

The whole key here is HOW MUCH MONEY does Gil send.

May I share as one who was married (now divorced for many years) to a man from that culture that financial support for close family (usually his mother) is non-negotiable and unconditional and will NEVER be compromised. 

That's simply MY experience, FWIW, so if Myrla is not comfortable with that arrangement she ought to seriously consider looking elsewhere for a husband.

[Crashcourse]

So it really is him in that photo. 

 

 

Edited October 31, 2021 by Crashcourse

[buttersister]

On 10/30/2021 at 7:40 AM, Lindz said:

especially if no one points that out to him [Johnny].

Let "You are your dad and you always will be" be Bao's parting words to him.

Well, all this Gil stuff is rather reinforcing the question from the beginning--what's he doing here? Because the experts' mantra of opposites filing in holes of their partners is their usual BS Rx for drama.

Myrla said she tried MAFS because her girlfriends all got married. If that's what she really wants, I hope she'll find someone who respects her and her accomplishments and goals. Doesn't look. like Gil, of course, but they're two smart people who, no doubt, are keeping their eyes on whatever prize they have in mind. 

[ByTor]

1 hour ago, Crashcourse said:

So it really is him in that photo.

I think he looks fine now, so I'm not being critical, but I think it's because his body fat was so much lower then. 

[Jeanne222]

2 hours ago, Crashcourse said:

I wonder when that photo was taken because that looks nothing like him now.  He's gotten heavier but even the face doesn't look like his.

Married At First Sight Spoilers – Gil Cuero Has Come A Long Way

Gil’s firefighter journey only started a few years ago, and he only received his certification about a year ago. Back in 2012 Gil started competing as a bodybuilder, he then went on to become a personal trainer and his company was called Majestic Fitness and he collaborated with a guy named Caesar on “Total Transformation.” On to the TV stuff, Gil appeared on a local Spanish television station as their in-house personal trainer.

https://ourteentrends.com/2021/08/married-at-first-sight-spoilers-gil-cuero-is-no-stranger-to-tv/

[Crashcourse]

37 minutes ago, Jeanne222 said:

Married At First Sight Spoilers – Gil Cuero Has Come A Long Way

Gil’s firefighter journey only started a few years ago, and he only received his certification about a year ago. Back in 2012 Gil started competing as a bodybuilder, he then went on to become a personal trainer and his company was called Majestic Fitness and he collaborated with a guy named Caesar on “Total Transformation.” On to the TV stuff, Gil appeared on a local Spanish television station as their in-house personal trainer.

https://ourteentrends.com/2021/08/married-at-first-sight-spoilers-gil-cuero-is-no-stranger-to-tv/

Yes, that info is in the Youtube video I posted above.  

[kristen111]

5 hours ago, Cramps said:

Objectively, we have no idea what’s what with editing etc. But as a viewer, Gil’s constant criticisms and Myrla’s laughing it off, is now really getting to me. I personally, would have reached my limit and let him have it. 
 

As for economics, if they are in the marriage for the long hall, it shouldn’t matter who makes more money, but they do need some sort of counselor or money manager to talk them through compromising on things, so that he feels comfortable with their savings and helping his family, and she feels like she hasn’t completely given up all the designer accessories that obviously play a big role in her getting joy and feeling good about herself. 

I would really like to see Myrla dressed for work.  All we see is her in sweat pants and shorts.  I’d like to see some suits, dresses, shoes and bags, Bering that we talk a lot about it.

[Lindz]

I don't like that Gil went the teasing route regarding Myrla's high school volleyball uniform, but she was seeking a compliment too obviously! 😅 Too bad they don't compliment each other, that would've been nice to see. He did slip on the love thing & she totally blew that up. 😂

[Retired at last]

So, Myrla said she was recruited; judging from that video with Gil, I am sure that HE was also recruited. I guess it is just as they have announced for San Diego - they were all cast for specific roles. No more of the rooms filled with hapless singles hoping to be selected to participate. It must all be done by resumes and head shots now. Knowing that makes it easier to stop watching.

[Jax7917]

On 10/30/2021 at 10:15 AM, Lindz said:

Johnny is the KING of spin. He's playing the game just right in the TH. He always makes it sound like he's reconsidering what he's doing with Bao & he'll actually try & then pulls the same BS in the next scene. I can't stand him! He's up there with the Michaela crazy, saying Bao does what he does. He's the one breaking her down! The nerve! & her alleged "best friend" sounds like the type of ho to sleep with her friend's man. That was some BS!

I wish Dr. pepper would have said , “ well what kind of person do you think her friend is if she’s willing to talk about her best friend like that ?” This is Zach and Mindy 2.0. Do people really have friends like Mindy and Bao’s ? I thought friends were supposed to be you know , a friend . 🤷🏼‍♀️ 
 

Johnny needs to get off my screen . He is a vile human being and I hope he continues to go on first dates and wonder to himself why there’s never a second date . He needs help . 
 

Does Brett have a pulse ? I like her and think she’s probably a good friend , but she seems to have no emotion or opinion on anything . I’m sure it’s partly because she knows Ryan is douchey and that it’s over between them but she is so monotone and I so want her to tell him off . 

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I would really like to see Myrla dressed for work.  All we see is her in sweat pants and shorts.  I’d like to see some suits, dresses, shoes and bags, Bering that we talk a lot about it.

She said she works from home but I don't know if that's a COVID/post COVID thing or not.

[Madding crowd]

I don’t get the idea that Gil is some kind of loser because he is a firefighter. First responders are noble and dangerous jobs and should be paid better than they are. But I think he is far from a minimum wage clerk and I don’t see Myrla’s job as any more important. I do understand he has only been a firefighter for a few years but it is a necessity to have firefighters in the world, trainers of principals not so much. I was a teacher for years and all school employees had to take so many hours of continuing education. I assume that is the kind of thing Myrla does. It has been mentioned that this is a six figure job in Houston but here  In Illinois these consultants make way less than teachers or principals. Of course if she has her own company she can charge whatever she wants but the school districts in Houston don’t have a ton of money to spend on training . I don’t dislike Myrla but I don’t like the idea that people are considered some kind of loser for being a first responders.

Edited November 1, 2021 by Madding crowd

[pdlinda]

54 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

I don’t dislike Myrla but I don’t like the idea that people are considered some kind of loser for being a first responders.

Thanks so much for making such an important point!  From my vantage point, and from everything I've ever learned and experienced in my life being a firefighter is one of the most heroic professions people may aspire to achieve!

I believe the ONLY reason Gil's profession was disparaged the way it has been on this board was NOT because people were denigrating his heroism but because MYRLA made such a "federal case" of wanting to live a lifestyle steeped in high-end, luxury goods/services that, regardless of how far Gil moved up the chain in the Fire Dept., he would certainly NOT be able to indulge her with purchasing (under normal circumstances that didn't include winning the lottery!!)

Many have commented on Myrla's ability to pay for her own luxury items and further mention has often been made that Gil might be persuaded to stay married to her to benefit from her apparent hefty income.  That may be true but I never sensed that to be his motivation.

Being a firefighter is a "calling" and I'd hate to see Gil renounce his passion to serve his community in this noble way merely for financial reasons.

I recall reading on some previous thread that Gil would be much more compatible with a mate who was, perhaps, a teacher or nurse who, when their incomes were combined, would give the couple a lifestyle they desired based on values they shared, financially and in all other areas. 

 I'm not seeing that dynamic between Gil and Myrla; however, as I've said before on this board, I fully expect them to stay married on DD and let the "chips fall where they may" marriage-wise after the cameras fade to black.

Edited November 1, 2021 by pdlinda

[Yeah No]

14 hours ago, ByTor said:

It's the nanny costs that could make her income disappear, not quitting her job.

I don't see it as an either/or proposition.  I'm sure Myrla would find another type of child care if hiring a nanny proved too expensive.  I have faith in her budgeting ability.  She wants the best but she finds a way to make it happen without busting her budget.  Like she does with those Poshmark Louboutins that she probably gets for less than half price and resells when she's tired of them.

I have something in common with Myrla.  My friends have always marveled at the prices I paid for my wardrobe and how nice it is considering how little I paid for it.  I think Myrla knows how to indulge her champagne taste on a beer budget.  Pretty much all the clothes I have purchased in the past 3 years have been paid for entirely with the profits I earned selling my used clothing and stuff I found dirt cheap on clearance racks and liquidation sales.  It's a talent I've honed over the years.

[Yeah No]

11 hours ago, qtpye said:

 

 

I know people think Gil's banter is cute but Myrla really has shown amazing self-control. Some of his jabs border on gaslighting.

When he called her an old lady in a volleyball jersey, he is lucky she did not counter with you are a former bodybuilder who is getting fat (Myrla has great muscle tone).

He is always clowning her on being a princess and spending. However, we never hear her ask him why does he have so little at the age of 35?  

I think I have seen Gil in some designer clothes, so it is not like he has taken a vow of poverty in order to serve his fellow man.

He has also just joined the fire department...what was he doing before? I know personal trainers who do quite well for themselves but you have to be motivated to get those types of high-paying clients.

I think Gil is one of those guys who thinks he can get by on his looks and charm. He is probably on the show to break into the entertainment industry.

I think the real reason Gil is bothered by Myrla is she represents all that he has not achieved in life.

If Mylra was a man there would be a line of women wanting to be with her for her ambition and financial savvy alone. The fact that she seems like a fairly nice person who knows what she wants would be the icing on the cake.

Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner!  Every line here is a home run, I couldn't agree more with every word of it!

I agree that Gil is trying to break into the entertainment field and that Myrla represents what he hasn't achieved himself.  I said weeks ago that he was threatened by her and that's why he calls her a princess and pokes at her spending all the time.  It makes him feel inadequate.  I've also said that no one would be bothered by Myrla's spending if she were a man.  It wouldn't have even become an issue even if the man did spend on some vanity items.  As long as he was seen as financially well off and responsible with his money no one would care.  It's only because Gil has been making an issue of Myrla's spending that it is being scrutinized so closely by everyone and then criticized.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, pdlinda said:

Being a firefighter is a "calling" and I'd hate to see Gil renounce his passion to serve his community in this noble way merely for financial reasons.

I don't see Gil as taking a vow of poverty.  He's on this show for a reason and I'm sure the potential for earning money was a draw.  If Gil is that strapped for cash perhaps he might consider moving to a town that has a volunteer fire department.  That way he can work another better paying job and still serve his community.

1 hour ago, pdlinda said:

I recall reading on some previous thread that Gil would be much more compatible with a mate who was, perhaps, a teacher or nurse who, when their incomes were combined, would give the couple a lifestyle they desired based on values they shared, financially and in all other areas. 

I think he'd like that because he wouldn't feel as inadequate with such a woman.  But on the other hand he shouldn't be criticizing Myrla for desiring a more comfortable lifestyle.  I don't see her as selfish for wanting more.  She just wants to be upwardly mobile, which she is and there's nothing wrong with that.  I don't think she should have to make less money just so he can feel better about himself.  He shouldn't need that.  She has not asked him to get a better job to support her lifestyle.  She is willing to live and let live but he is not.

And she is in a position associated with Education if she trains principals.  I don't see her as not having ideals and a calling, she may in fact have those things doing what she does and I won't assume otherwise.

[mythoughtis]

Myrla is not going to buy used clothing and shoes  and I understand why.  This episode showed a photo of her wearing her brothers’ hand me down clothing.   Her financial spending philosophy is about never having to live like she lived as a child.  She does probably sell her used clothing and shoes . 
 

Yes she has the money to spend .. now.  But she won’t when they buy a home and then have children.  Money will go toward expenses she and  Gil each do not  currently have.  The combined income will cover part of the additional expenses, but not all.  Once children arrive, that causes the expenses to go up a lot. Especially child care. She’s going to have less disposable income. Something she has never acknowledged on the show.  She just continues to say she will not reduce her expenses for anyone.  That’s the part that bothers me about her. 

[Yeah No]

12 minutes ago, mythoughtis said:

Myrla is not going to buy used clothing and shoes  and I understand why.  This episode showed a photo of her wearing her brothers’ hand me down clothing.   Her financial spending philosophy is about never having to live like she lived as a child.  She does probably sell her used clothing and shoes . 

A lot of the stuff for sale on reseller sites like eBay and Poshmark are "New in Box" or "New with Tags" so she doesn't have to buy used clothing there in order to get stuff at half price or less.

[kristen111]

On 10/27/2021 at 9:46 PM, ChiMama said:

Watching this session with Michaela, Zach & Dr. Pepper was infuriating. His initial gut instinct not to participate was the right one. I’ve been Zach and listened to someone calmly & blatantly lie about themselves while gaslighting me about my own actions. It’s the most helpless, lonely feeling in the world and the ONLY remedy is to get out of that toxic environment - no therapy from a TV “expert” is going to help. Michaela’s calm, cold assessment of the situation was jaw-droppingly chilling — ugh. Triggering™️ — and I’ve come to hate that term & don’t use it lightly. I used to watch this show as a fun voyeur experience while being a sap hoping to see true love come out of an unconventional situation. The last two seasons have not been fun or enjoyable - the angst and anger and cruelty have really been on display when what we all need right now is some frothy heartwarming fun & people we can root for. I’m thinking of taking this off my DVR. It’s a trainwreck and not a good way to spend 2 hrs/week. 

 

I think the same way.  We want nice .. not drama and cruelty.  Michaela is two people.  Why can’t they see that?   Pepper is annoying as hell.  They are making chumps out of us viewers.  Eight weeks of ridiculous.

 

[Mrs. Button]

If you aspire to:

— house in burbs

— nanny

— say 2 vacations/year

— mommy makeovers post-delivery from a good plastic surgeon

....that is a VERY expensive lifestyle. I don't know what living expenses are like in Texas, but in our neck of the woods, that's a minimum of $200K, probably more with a full time nanny. Myrla was quite sensible to want to make a 20% down payment, but taking into account saving for retirement, as well as various kid expenses — for several kids no less! — that don't let up (diapers to sports to college), the hits just keep coming. Then there are unexpected home and health expenses you have to be ready for — furnace, new roof, etc. A kid breaks their arm at  a birthday party and needs emergency surgery, that's $7K after insurance (at least it was for us a decade back, now it would probably be a lot more). That's a recipe for bankruptcy, or at the very least carrying a lot of debt. Some people are fine living like this, personally I would not sleep very well.

And once you're in the suburbs, a big segment Keeps Up With the Joneses so they never feel "less than" — that means if the neighbors get a Tesla, your life feels empty without one too. That is not to say there's anything wrong per se with this type of lifestyle, especially if you feel you have earned it, but my goodness, know what you are getting into. In my experience, those who navigate it the easiest have family money/help; those who navigate it realistically understand they can't realize every last whim.

I'm not a huge fan of Gil's needling — frankly it's equally negative as the negativity he is complaining about — but both of them need to take a good hard long look before they make that down payment or even worse, bring a child into it. In the end, I don't think they value the same things, and since they don't have a history, there is no desire to find a happy middle ground. Someone who risks their life every day to go into a burning buildings to save people and animals, they see life in terms other than numbers on the paycheck, and that is what Myrla is all about. 

[Yeah No]

23 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

A lot of the stuff for sale on reseller sites like eBay and Poshmark are "New in Box" or "New with Tags" so she doesn't have to buy used clothing there in order to get stuff at half price or less.

Quoting myself here - How this happens is either individuals buy something and never use it, then decide to sell it, or they receive something as a gift and sell it, or resellers buy merchandise from wholesale liquidators and sell it online.  A lot of the listings on these sites are from actual online stores that are in business doing just that with new merchandise.  Kind of like the "Overstock" thing, only the prices are often better.

Last year I bought my husband a Ralph Lauren down jacket for $30 at my local "Ocean State Job Lot", which is kind of like a regional "Big Lots" only often much better.  Wow, what a find, it's beautiful and would cost well over over $100 on SALE in a regular store.  It was the only one they had but it was his size so I lucked out.

Just last month I took a look on eBay and found a beautiful "new with tags" Vera Bradley wallet in a current print going for only $30.00 that I knew my friend would love.  So I bought it and gave it to her for her birthday.  She is still gushing over how much she loves it and telling me I "probably paid too much".  I keep telling her I got it for half price online so I didn't pay too much, LOL.  I figure the person that sold that probably got it as a gift and didn't like it so they were willing to sell it at a discount.

I personally don't think Myrla would have a problem buying new merchandise this way, especially from online stores doing business on eBay or similar sites.

 

[Crashcourse]

Isn't there a Small Talk thread somewhere?

[Yeah No]

18 minutes ago, Crashcourse said:

Isn't there a Small Talk thread somewhere?

I thought it was relevant to this thread to explain how these sites work to show how Myrla would not be necessarily be buying "seconds" or used merchandise on them.  I agree that she wouldn't want to buy used stuff and she wouldn't have to to get them at a deep discount, but I thought how that works deserved some explaining for anyone unfamiliar with it.

[Yeah No]

1 hour ago, mythoughtis said:

Yes she has the money to spend .. now.  But she won’t when they buy a home and then have children.  Money will go toward expenses she and  Gil each do not  currently have.  The combined income will cover part of the additional expenses, but not all.  Once children arrive, that causes the expenses to go up a lot. Especially child care. She’s going to have less disposable income. Something she has never acknowledged on the show.  She just continues to say she will not reduce her expenses for anyone.  That’s the part that bothers me about her. 

I think Myrla just doesn't want anyone dictating to her what she should and shouldn't spend on with her own money.  She will make those decisions herself, that's what she is talking about when she says she won't change her expenses for anyone.  Just like she acted about the dog and then suddenly she's walking the dog and has no problem with him.  I don't see how Myrla's priorities won't change when her life changes and when she realizes how much everything costs.  She won't be able to buy as many personal items if she decides she wants nice furniture or a vacation.  She'll have to compromise somewhere and I doubt her makeup, clothes and shoes will win every time.  It's something everyone unless they're filthy rich has to come to terms with sooner or later and she just hasn't found herself in that situation yet.  When Mr. Yeah No and I bought our first house, a townhouse, there went my J. Crew wardrobe, LOL.  But it was MY choice to do that when I wanted nice furniture more.

[mythoughtis]

41 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I think Myrla just doesn't want anyone dictating to her what she should and shouldn't spend on with her own money.  She will make those decisions herself, that's what she is talking about when she says she won't change her expenses for anyone.  Just like she acted about the dog and then suddenly she's walking the dog and has no problem with him.  I don't see how Myrla's priorities won't change when her life changes and when she realizes how much everything costs.  She won't be able to buy as many personal items if she decides she wants nice furniture or a vacation.  She'll have to compromise somewhere and I doubt her makeup, clothes and shoes will win every time.  It's something everyone unless they're filthy rich has to come to terms with sooner or later and she just hasn't found herself in that situation yet.  When Mr. Yeah No and I bought our first house, a townhouse, there went my J. Crew wardrobe, LOL.  But it was MY choice to do that when I wanted nice furniture more.

I understand your point. However Gil pointed out to her on camera that reducing her spending would allow them to save x amount  in half the time as otherwise and she specifically said no.    So she wants her spending more than she wants to get into a house.  So she has made a decision and that was that she did not want to change her lifestyle 

I made a little less than Myrla makes, my husband made about what Gil makes.   We have a nice home. Saved some for retirement, and put two kids through  college.  There was no extra for what she spends her money on.  Our clothes came from Kohl’s or  Penney's and our vacation hotels were Holiday Inns.  

 

Edited November 1, 2021 by mythoughtis

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, Mrs. Button said:

If you aspire to:

— house in burbs

— nanny

— say 2 vacations/year

— mommy makeovers post-delivery from a good plastic surgeon

....that is a VERY expensive lifestyle. I don't know what living expenses are like in Texas, but in our neck of the woods, that's a minimum of $200K, probably more with a full time nanny. Myrla was quite sensible to want to make a 20% down payment, but taking into account saving for retirement, as well as various kid expenses — for several kids no less! — that don't let up (diapers to sports to college), the hits just keep coming. Then there are unexpected home and health expenses you have to be ready for — furnace, new roof, etc. A kid breaks their arm at  a birthday party and needs emergency surgery, that's $7K after insurance (at least it was for us a decade back, now it would probably be a lot more). That's a recipe for bankruptcy, or at the very least carrying a lot of debt. Some people are fine living like this, personally I would not sleep very well.

And once you're in the suburbs, a big segment Keeps Up With the Joneses so they never feel "less than" — that means if the neighbors get a Tesla, your life feels empty without one too. That is not to say there's anything wrong per se with this type of lifestyle, especially if you feel you have earned it, but my goodness, know what you are getting into. In my experience, those who navigate it the easiest have family money/help; those who navigate it realistically understand they can't realize every last whim.

I'm not a huge fan of Gil's needling — frankly it's equally negative as the negativity he is complaining about — but both of them need to take a good hard long look before they make that down payment or even worse, bring a child into it. In the end, I don't think they value the same things, and since they don't have a history, there is no desire to find a happy middle ground. Someone who risks their life every day to go into a burning buildings to save people and animals, they see life in terms other than numbers on the paycheck, and that is what Myrla is all about. 

They are both in a dream world.  Once you have a kid, or two, or three, you come LAST.  Everything is about the kids, and you do it with love.  You said it all.  Post delivery surgery?  That’s funny.  She’s la-de-dah.  One kid and she’ll be finished.  If even that.  Two vacations per year?  Haha .. yeah o.k.  She’ll be lucky if she goes to Disney World once.  Lol.

Edited November 1, 2021 by kristen111

[Rae Spellman]

2 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

She just continues to say she will not reduce her expenses for anyone.  That’s the part that bothers me about her. 

Myrla's insistence that she won't change might just be push back against Gil's loud and aggressive critique of her financial choices. At this point in the show Gil they've known each other seven weeks.

While Gil has a point, the fact that his finances aren't in order probably makes it hard to take advice or demands from him about how to spend.

27 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

I think Myrla just doesn't want anyone dictating to her what she should and shouldn't spend on with her own money.  She will make those decisions herself, that's what she is talking about when she says she won't change her expenses for anyone.  Just like she acted about the dog and then suddenly she's walking the dog and has no problem with him.  

Agreed.  Also, how much of the Gil is great sentiment is because Gil is a handsome firefighter? Are his repetitive digs limited to deserving folks like Myrla or will he be a hypercritical father, too?

[Empress1]

 

19 hours ago, Jax7917 said:

Does Brett have a pulse ? I like her and think she’s probably a good friend , but she seems to have no emotion or opinion on anything . I’m sure it’s partly because she knows Ryan is douchey and that it’s over between them but she is so monotone and I so want her to tell him off . 

She’s been pretty emotive, IMO - she cried when she said she’s heard “you’re great, but …” before and she got pretty angry (and good for her) when Ryan assumed they’d sleep in the same room on the retreat. Ryan is the one who’s not emotive, to me. His affect has been flat since the first time he appeared on screen.

On 10/31/2021 at 2:42 PM, pdlinda said:

May I share as one who was married (now divorced for many years) to a man from that culture that financial support for close family (usually his mother) is non-negotiable and unconditional and will NEVER be compromised. 

That's simply MY experience, FWIW, so if Myrla is not comfortable with that arrangement she ought to seriously consider looking elsewhere for a husband.

Yeah, I know people in similar cultures - they take care of their parents, period. That might mean financial support or it might mean they live with them in their old age, but it’s not negotiable. Gil seems pretty clear that he’ll be sending his mother whatever he and his mother have agreed to, and that’s that on that.

[CSunshine76]

6 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

I understand your point. However Gil pointed out to her on camera that reducing her spending would allow them to save x amount  in half the time as otherwise and she specifically said no.    So she wants her spending more than she wants to get into a house.  So she has made a decision and that was that she did not want to change her lifestyle 

I made a little less than Myrla makes, my husband made about what Gil makes.   We have a nice home. Saved some for retirement, and put two kids through  college.  There was no extra for what she spends her money on.  Our clothes came from Kohl’s or  Penney's and our vacation hotels were Holiday Inns.  

 

We think we know how much Myrla makes? Was that stated on the show?

[sarkygal]

6 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

I understand your point. However Gil pointed out to her on camera that reducing her spending would allow them to save x amount  in half the time as otherwise and she specifically said no.    So she wants her spending more than she wants to get into a house.  So she has made a decision and that was that she did not want to change her lifestyle 

I made a little less than Myrla makes, my husband made about what Gil makes.   We have a nice home. Saved some for retirement, and put two kids through  college.  There was no extra for what she spends her money on.  Our clothes came from Kohl’s or  Penney's and our vacation hotels were Holiday Inns.  

 

Gil pointed out on camera that Myrla would have to reduce her spending to allow them to save. By the same token, he didn't offer to increase his savings. In fact, when they did their savings reveal to each other, Myrla said on camera that it'll take longer for them to get anything once she saw HIS savings.

Why is the only narrative that their goals hinge on Myrla's savings being doubled? She's already saving significantly as a single woman and allowing herself a few luxuries. Why is Gil not responsible for contributing to their financial future? If he had been matched with a partner in his income bracket, Gil would be no closer to affording the life he wants. The man admitted on camera that he has no savings in the US and most viewers have already concluded his Colombian savings are for his mother to draw on. So what was Gil's plan to buy a house and have his 11 children? This is a man who doesn't want to continue paying for a dog sitter because he has a wife now. So Myrla's standard of living diminishes by staying with Gil, and yet he hasn't offered a single contribution to what this life would be. I cannot co-sign this narrative.

[Elizzikra]

57 minutes ago, CSunshine76 said:

We think we know how much Myrla makes? Was that stated on the show?

I don't think that we know specifics of anyone's salary though I suppose Gil's would be easy to estimate. Myrla has talked a little about what she does and I think that the hive mind has sort of estimated that she makes about $100,000 - $125,000/annually, but I don't recall that she has said that.

[kristen111]

Maybe Gil feels inferior to Myrla.  That’s why he is always knocking or making fun of her.  What’s he been doing all these years?  Trying to break into show business, or to be discovered?  Looks like.  Now that all else failed, he became a firefighter, then at 35, decides to get married especially to someone who has a buck,as he has nothing, and has to support family.  I may sound cynical, but it’s true.  Why not?  He figures he has the looks, charm and a line of bullshit.  He’s 35, heavier than before, and has no money probably.  Why not get married to a nice sensible, educated girl with money?  She probably has a nice hefty nest egg going on.  One way to look at it.  Gil is a charmer.

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, Elizzikra said:

I don't think that we know specifics of anyone's salary though I suppose Gil's would be easy to estimate. Myrla has talked a little about what she does and I think that the hive mind has sort of estimated that she makes about $100,000 - $125,000/annually, but I don't recall that she has said that.

What does Gil make?  Does he have any debt?  We don’t know.  All he talks about is her money and what he expects of her.  

[kristen111]

1 hour ago, sarkygal said:

Gil pointed out on camera that Myrla would have to reduce her spending to allow them to save. By the same token, he didn't offer to increase his savings. In fact, when they did their savings reveal to each other, Myrla said on camera that it'll take longer for them to get anything once she saw HIS savings.

Why is the only narrative that their goals hinge on Myrla's savings being doubled? She's already saving significantly as a single woman and allowing herself a few luxuries. Why is Gil not responsible for contributing to their financial future? If he had been matched with a partner in his income bracket, Gil would be no closer to affording the life he wants. The man admitted on camera that he has no savings in the US and most viewers have already concluded his Colombian savings are for his mother to draw on. So what was Gil's plan to buy a house and have his 11 children? This is a man who doesn't want to continue paying for a dog sitter because he has a wife now. So Myrla's standard of living diminishes by staying with Gil, and yet he hasn't offered a single contribution to what this life would be. I cannot co-sign this narrative.

My eyes are opening up.  At 35, Gil has nothing.  Something is not right here, but I trust Myrla to do what is best for her, being she is the one with money.

[ChiMama]

1 hour ago, Elizzikra said:

2 hours ago, CSunshine76 said:

We think we know how much Myrla makes? Was that stated on the show?

I don't think that we know specifics of anyone's salary though I suppose Gil's would be easy to estimate. Myrla has talked a little about what she does and I think that the hive mind has sort of estimated that she makes about $100,000 - $125,000/annually, but I don't recall that she has said that.

I think the comments re: Gil & Myrla’s careers, respective stations in life, motivations, and dreams for the future are just armchair supposition that I don’t recall being directly referenced often if at all on the show. I don’t read a lot of offline comments (just here) or follow cast social media, so maybe I’m just uninformed, but the Gil vs. Myrla stuff seems to be mostly guesses — like sharing opinions/trying to figure out the reasons for what all the other couples are saying/doing this season. MAFS is a kind of twisted guessing game at this point — what is real; what is scripted? LOL

I’m predicting the experts will go 0 for 5 on Decision Day this season. Maybe the Houston debacle will force a return to the early - more genuine, fun & interesting (less stressful) - seasons. Fingers crossed! 

[pdlinda]

1 hour ago, kristen111 said:

What does Gil make?  Does he have any debt?  We don’t know.  All he talks about is her money and what he expects of her.  

I believe someone said on this forum several weeks ago that rookie firefighters in Houston make about $40K year.

[Empress1]

12 hours ago, kristen111 said:

Maybe Gil feels inferior to Myrla.  That’s why he is always knocking or making fun of her.  What’s he been doing all these years?  Trying to break into show business, or to be discovered?  Looks like.  Now that all else failed, he became a firefighter, then at 35, decides to get married especially to someone who has a buck,as he has nothing, and has to support family.  I may sound cynical, but it’s true.  Why not?  He figures he has the looks, charm and a line of bullshit.  He’s 35, heavier than before, and has no money probably.  Why not get married to a nice sensible, educated girl with money?  She probably has a nice hefty nest egg going on.  One way to look at it.  Gil is a charmer.

But he’d have no way of knowing what his wife had or didn’t have going into this. He could just have easily been matched with Rachel, who apparently has debt and less than stellar credit.

[kristen111]

18 hours ago, ChiMama said:

I think the comments re: Gil & Myrla’s careers, respective stations in life, motivations, and dreams for the future are just armchair supposition that I don’t recall being directly referenced often if at all on the show. I don’t read a lot of offline comments (just here) or follow cast social media, so maybe I’m just uninformed, but the Gil vs. Myrla stuff seems to be mostly guesses — like sharing opinions/trying to figure out the reasons for what all the other couples are saying/doing this season. MAFS is a kind of twisted guessing game at this point — what is real; what is scripted? LOL

I’m predicting the experts will go 0 for 5 on Decision Day this season. Maybe the Houston debacle will force a return to the early - more genuine, fun & interesting (less stressful) - seasons. Fingers crossed! 

True .. what do we know?  Not much.  They keep us in the dark about very important things in a marriage, and then we just speculate.  Done on purpose of course to keep us watching these train wrecks, and having to endure five million commercials.  A win/win for the show and everyone involved.  We’ve been duped.  It’s a strategy they use to keep us watching.  Watch we do, unfortunately.

[kristen111]

18 hours ago, ChiMama said:

Sorry, there’s something wrong with my i- pad as it keeps repeating my posts, and I have to delete.

[kristen111]

7 hours ago, Empress1 said:

But he’d have no way of knowing what his wife had or didn’t have going into this. He could just have easily been matched with Rachel, who apparently has debt and less than stellar credit.

There must be some way they know who to match with who during the interview.  They reveal things about themselves, then pick n choose for drama.  I think anyhow.

[Empress1]

2 hours ago, kristen111 said:

There must be some way they know who to match with who during the interview.  They reveal things about themselves, then pick n choose for drama.  I think anyhow.

Sure - the producers know (I assume the producers pick the pool from which the experts match people, and may nudge the experts in a particular direction), and of course the experts do, but the participants don’t. That’s the whole premise of the show - the participants don’t know anything about the people they’re matched with. And we’ve seen matches that are expressly NOT what the person asked for, e.g. Philly Luke who only dated women of color, and they matched him with Kate, who is white, or New Orleans Brett and Olivia, who wanted very different lives.

[Elizzikra]

Quote

At 35, Gil has nothing. 

I disagree. At 35, Gil has a prior career as a personal trainer and a new-ish career as a firefighter. That career comes with solid health insurance, training, opportunities for advancement and other benefits - perhaps a pension and hopefully outstanding worker's compensation injury policies. He can make a career out of this and, while he won't get rich, he can support himself and a family in this line of work.

Gil has a home. He doesn't own it as far as we know, but a lot of people don't own their homes. He puts a roof over his own head; he feeds himself (except when the fire department feeds him). He has a car. 

Gil has some savings. My understanding of the conversation he had with Myrla was that he a small savings account in a bank in the US and another account in his mother's home country so he could help support her. So he has been supporting an older relative and has put himself on a career path to enable him to continue to do that at some level.

Gil has Hype. Who could need anything more? :)

Gil isn't going to set the world on fire with a robust stock portfolio any time soon but I think it's selling him short to say he has "nothing." He seems to have everything he needs and maybe a little bit of what he wants. That's not nothing.