the-grey-lady

"Highlights" of this episode: Ryan inviting Whit and the barnacles to a mountain weekend, and then the barnacles hoping openly that he doesn't show up to the weekend HE PLANNED. Whitney, MD, employing the tried-and-true depression cure of pointing out a few trees to the depressed person and then berating him when he isn't all better fast enough. Buddy "apologizing" for having human emotions. Ashley: It's not exactly the weekend I signed up for. Me: Yes it is. You've met these people.

The TLC summary writers are really messing with us this week. Brandon: Julia is maaaaking us mooooooove out! Help me Mommyyyyy! I don't have any choooooooice! DOES NOT="Brandon stands up to his parents."

It wouldn't be the premiere episode without your snark! I'm interested in recapping some episodes this season, too. I'm flexing my fingers in anticipation!

MFM, if you ever need a sisterwife, hit me up. I promise to share my joory with you and I won't ever ask you to participate in assine can-painting crafts. Also, I don't want to brag, but I don't need a 15-minute pep talk to take the trash out. I'm quite a catch.

I saw this update and squee-d. Why, yes, I am embarrassed. Thanks for asking.

It's official, y'all. I canNOT take another second of watching Whitney beg for validation from absolutely everyone she's ever met. Always has the most confidence in the room, my ass. She absolutely oozes insecurity. "Then why aren't we togeeether?" Jeezus, Whit. Have some self-respect.

Wait wait wait. Shayden has found TWO women willing to procreate with him?!

Need a Skankistan flag, stat! Someone's gotta know Photoshop!

I can't be the only one who guffawed when Natalie, tearing apart Mike's house during a futile search for her purloined ring, impatiently pushed aside a cross and a Virgin Mary statue to get into a cabinet. I don't find Mike remotely attractive, but Natalie knew exactly what she was getting in him, and NOTHING makes her happy. EVER. There will always something about Mike that requires fixing.

Not yet.

Whitney: I might move back to Greensboro, maybe, or stay in Charlotte, or go somewhere else. Also Whitney: I don't know why Buddy is so unsure about moving to Charlotte. And I can't believe I'm defending Ryan, but he had every right to be angry. Whitney promised she'd moved to Charlotte (remember how angry she was when Chase wouldn't up and leave his own business) to work on No BS Active with Ryan, and now she's irritated he expects her to, I don't know, live in Charlotte? And she had the audacity to be angry when he so much as ASKED her about her living plans?

Thank you for this terrific insight. I had no idea it was possible to "undo" the surgery so quickly!

Amy: The baby wants sour gummies/barbecue chips/lasagna/etc. Me: The baby doesn't know he has toes. YOU want crap food.

Can someone enlighten me re: bariatric surgery? I know it's possible to stretch the reduced stomach, which is how a lot of patients end up right back where they started, but doesn't it take awhile to do that? How was Tammy, a few months out of surgery, shoveling such mountains of food into her newly-smaller stomach? How is that possible?

Kim: It's too bad Ethan couldn't hug the kids himself. Me [yelling]: HE TRIED.

We are 9 days into 2021, and I just watched: 1. a mother claim that she doesn't consider herself an enabler as she delivers her 32-year-old son the contents of a Walgreens candy aisle (and then chastises him for eating it – did she think he was going to use it to make some kind of avant garde sculpture?). 2. Thederick seriously inform the camera that he considers his daily walk outside to meet the ice cream man to be his exercise for the day. On the upside, I'm no longer hungry.

Seems like most of the poundicipants on these shows want someone to do the work for them...which is physically impossible. How can someone else eat or exercise or attend therapy FOR YOU?

I think you might be my twinflame (tm Darcey), Azchristian.

I hope you remind him of your tremendous sacrifice as often as possible. I recommend including graphic details about the length of your labor.

Three lessons I learned this episode: 1. When your partner is deeply religious, it's acceptable to offer them a less-religious alternative to their faith, preferably involving psychics. 2. Mother's Day – which is not always on the same date – is absolutely sacred, even when your child is in his late 20s. Nothing important can take place that day. 3. Natalie is never happy. Never ever ever. Even when she seems momentarily happy, she is hoarding complaints for later.

Mr. Grey and I adopted schmoopy as our nickname for each other because of that episode. But it's a JOKE. Do Yara and Natalie complain for something to do? Did I hear Yara complaining because Jovi didn't like a rug? (I want to be clear: I can't stand Jovi, but Yara is no prize, either). Did I hear Natalie complaining because Snoqualmie is too far away from Sequim? The only thing that would've made that tantrum better was watching Natalie chomp sullenly on a carrot during the drive. Meanwhile, two women had every reason to complain, and they didn't: Julia, who's apparently wandered into some sort of involuntary indentured servitude, and Amira, who went along (reluctantly) with Andrew's ill-thought out plan and found herself detained in Mexico.

They should hire us to craft their marketing plan. I've already got a website tagline for them! "When Sharing a Penis Isn't Enough."

I just can't with these doofuses. Who thought My Sisterwife's Closet was an appealing business name? (Yes, I know.) How many women sit around wishing they had a dour, sour-faced sisterwife to share cheap, crappy jewelry with?

OMG, that had me rolling. Laurakaye, you in the market for a sisterwife? I promise not to stomp into family gatherings with a scowl on my face and my "walls" up for eternity.

When I get together with friends for the weekend (before quarantine), we don't typically invite one person as cannon fodder. Maybe we're an unusual group. "Hey, let's invite that douche from college, so we have someone to snark on for two days! It won't be fun unless we make someone feel really uncomfortable!" - not us