SnarkEnthusiast

This was pretty meh plot-wise, which is disappointing because I was super excited to see Kumail and Issa as a couple. I felt like there was a distinct lack of romance for a (sort of) romcom - I live vicariously through tension and sap - so two brief kiss scenes were very underwhelming given they were bickering the rest of the film. I also feel like they suffered from basically being the only protagonists (weird that all of their friends were basically glorified extras with two scenes) because they didn't have anyone else to play off of and basically every scene of dialogue was [argue] [throwaway line that shows the other person they care] [lingering feelings] [look away]. The last half hour really dragged too. Some funny lines ("I think you've killed the perfect number of people") but overall felt like the studio was coasting on Kumail/Issa's star power and also that the actors themselves were phoning it in. Game Night is a much better, funnier spin on couples accidentally getting involved in crimes. The funniest moment was them accidentally giving their names to the hipsters reporting them to the police.

They've been telegraphing the attraction between Mateo/Vanessa since at least ep 4 when he was trying to talk her down by listing all her good qualities - about halfway through the list he realized that he was into her, haha. I think Mateo always thought Vanessa was high maintenance or stuck up, but started to see her differently when she was the only one who genuinely encouraged his dreams. I get the sense Mateo is very much a forgotten middle child - we hear over and over again that he's an immature, middling fuck up, but he's expected to carry the family business while Natalie and especially Daniel gallivant around doing fuck all. And he still supports them! For Vanessa to see and appreciate him for who he is without wanting something from him has to feel good. He's presumably been single and overworked for months if not longer. It's inevitable he'd be attracted to someone who actually validates him. I'm just glad the Daniel/Vanessa subplot was about closure and not reigniting anything - there were moments where it felt like it could've gone either way. The brother factor is cringe, but Mateo is so damn endearing that I'm rooting for him. Plus, Vanessa has been talking all season about how the Garcias are like family, so...guess that's one way to stay in the family, lol. I have a little crush on Mateo. Daniel can be pouty and self-victimizing. Agree with commentary on past episodes that the parents seem weirdly controlling of their adult sons and gaslight them whenever they have any interests or spend any time outside the business. Natalie and Amy are the blandest "rebellious teens" I've ever seen. Then again, I can appreciate an age appropriate portrayal of 15/16-year-olds - unlike Euphoria. I'm guessing the schedule was abbreviated due to COVID - Superstore had to end in the middle of their two-part America Ferrera send off, and poor Schooled had to skip the episode breaking up their main couple (revealed in a slapped-together "previously on" montage even though we never saw it) to let the main character finally make a move on her love interest, only to be cancelled. At least this show has all its plots mostly wrapped up. I really hope this gets renewed!!! After losing both Single Parents and Schooled, my heart can't take anymore. ABC has been ruthless this season and I don't understand why.

Kind of strange that Natalia would invite the girl that she desperately wants to hide the fact that she has a crush on to family dinner and then hold her hand while lovingly staring into her eyes. That seemed like more of a finale scene than a "I'm closeted to my family" scene. Mateo's actor plays him as a softie and I'm loving it. I thought he was going to kiss Vanessa when he was trying to stop her from blabbing to the paparazzi and telling her she deserved someone better - that was the first little spark between them and both actors played that subconscious realization really well. Daniel's treatment of Vanessa is...not great and the only unsympathetic aspect of his character. "Having a hot celebrity flirt with me in the bathroom made me realize I wasn't into you anymore and you're going to have to just deal with losing four years and a proposal rejection because I'm now sleeping with said hot celebrity" radiates shallow narcissism.

For being the central romance, Maria and the world's blandest Manic Pixie Dream Guy Charles got a pretty underwhelming, uninspired wrap up. That post-wedding kiss was the first time they'd kissed, no? Although I did miss a few episodes. Talk about zero chemistry. I've seen more passionate kissing in Disney movies. It was very awkward in the flow of that dialogue and almost felt improvised by Ella Purnell. Oliver had a great redemption arc and his actor gave the strongest performance this episode, especially confessing to Susan after the attempted murder. Susan has a lot of nerve to claim her infidelity was supposedly her trying to get pregnant. "Darling, I cheated on you for YOU! To do you a favor!" lol. He's a more sympathetic, ambiguous semi-villain than say, Thomas, who coasted on the Tortured Gay thing but was still always an unrepentant asshole. Overall, this whole thing just feels like JF trying to milk more money out of Downton Abbey by setting essentially the same storylines in the previous era. And I'm sorry but Charles is certainly no Tom.

nope, it linked to her actual Instagram!

I saw the bleach blonde lesbian on Tinder recently, which was weird, lol.

The three best catches on this show are Bobby, Greg, and Austin, in that order. Nice to see Deonna has warmed up to Greg so much since filming! Surprised Greg is (playfully) dragging his feet on the baby front. As much as I surprisingly like Jaime and Beth, I have my doubts as to whether their marriage can survive quarantine, especially since she already left SF once and moved all the way back to NC for "space." I am with Bobby on the second baby issue. Given what Danielle went through the last time, it seems like a no brainer that she wouldn’t have any more kids. She came very close to death and there’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again, especially because it happened during her first pregnancy which is usually thought of as the most problem free, although not always. It will only get riskier the older she gets as well, which I guess is why she’s pushing for another baby so soon. Situations like these make me really wish that people weren’t so emotionally invested in the idea of biological children and would stop perceiving adoption as an inferior, last resort alternative to bio kids. In their case, pregnancy such a massive risk and adoption would be giving a child that’s already here a much needed home. I don’t envy lady Jamie or anyone else who has to give birth during this time.

I owe Rudi an apology, I really do. All season long I’ve been cracking on her for being emotionally unstable, but it turns out that was mostly just editing. Actually, she turned out to be ironically one of the most mature contestants. I think even she was surprised at how calmly she handled Matt’s lukewarm, wishy washy dumping. I think she let them off way too easy with his rambling, trite bullshit about caring about her as a person - I would’ve said, “Oh so you’re waiting till the day before the finale to tell me you’re not only not in love with me, but fucking over my career for what? Because you don’t want to marry me after three weeks?“ He was right to feel like shit about backing out of their performance. His non-committal pity party cost Rudi what will probably have been the biggest professional opportunity she will ever have in her life. Fuck Matt. I owe Rudi big time. I’m not even sure why the fantasy suite opportunity was such a catalyst for his crisis to the point where he would shoot himself in the foot, especially since it was heavily implied that they had sex when they played hooky from the rest of the group at the motel. I think he realized that they had a strong potential of winning together and he didn’t want to get stuck touring around for months with someone he saw as a fling. Even though I don’t think she deserved to win, I’m really proud of all of Jaime‘s personal growth. She really seemed to emerge with a stronger sense of self. I’m happy for her and Trevor and I never could’ve imagined they would emerge as a strong couple with long-term potential. The musical performances sucked in a big way. Some finale. Rudi would’ve brought the house down or at least been entertaining.

He was incredible in his portrayal of all the abuse Craig went through and his devotion to his sister. He was my first celebrity crush, lol. It's funny that they gave him such heavy stuff at 14/15 and then morphed him into a generic fuckboy. But man, being Manny's age, I FELT her thirst for him when he was introduced. He was beautiful. I'm surprised he didn't become analogous to millennial Finn Wolfhard, but then again maybe that's a reflection of rising to fame in the social media age. The Ashley/Craig/Manny triangle was legendary, and he was adorable with Ellie in S5, but the writers lost me with the rock star/cocaine nonsense in S6. I still laugh my ass off that Wheelchair Jimmy is the huge breakout star from this franchise - and he was so mortified that he refused to talk about Degrassi for years.

Well, that was equal parts infuriating and shattering. This episode reminded me that through another lens, if you hand wave the whole idea of accessory to murder, HTGAWM is the story of a woman with the most unfortunate friend group in history. Everyone in her circle kills someone and then she gets accused of it. Fuck this show for giving Gabe and Nate of all people the only satisfying conclusions. Not only were they so irrelevant as to barely warrant any conclusion whatsoever, but adding insult to injury, they got vaguely “happy” endings too. THANK YOU! My thoughts exactly! They just needed Frank to go out in a blaze of glory, but even for a tortured guy, it totally came out of nowhere. And the decision to turn Bonnie/Frank into a Romeo and Juliet tragedy was again, very unearned and imo a total slap in the face to Bonnie’s suffering and character arc. But man, they sold the hell out of that goodbye kiss before the shark jumping nonsense. The agonized way he cradled her face brought tears to my eyes. Charlie Weber acted his ass off this episode - during that scene and especially during his “I just wanted you to love me“ scene with Viola, which I felt was his strongest and most memorable performance the entire series. The only true WTF moment of the episode for me was Connor/Oliver getting divorced out of absolutely nowhere with 20 minutes left, but Ollie’s such a sniveling, slimy weasel it was hard to feel sympathetic. Even if they reconciled in the flash forward – which I didn’t watch because I was too traumatized by the realization that they were killing off Bonnie - it came totally out of left field and felt like they were trying to torpedo the one couple that the writers were obsessed with keeping together because of the fandom. Laurel is also insufferable and added nothing to the show’s universe anymore. Another case of the writers shoehorning a character back in because they like the actress. The show would have you believe that her only purpose was to birth Christopher (arguably the show’s biggest plot device), which is kind of an insult to how complex and clever her character was pre-pregnancy/Wes boning. I refuse to even acknowledge the sheer buffoonery of the flash forward, laughably bad old age make up, and the absurd laziness of casting Alfie to play his own son just to bring him back for the finale (I wanted Actual Wes in hiding, not some cheap ass Wes Reloaded bullshit. This isn't Orphan Black). That hit LOST levels of unrepentant, nonsensical finale fuckery. For me, the show ended with the Bonnie/Frank kiss.

Erica SUCKED this episode and I don't buy that her callousness was a result of feeling awkward about caring for Geoff. She just didn't feel like putting time into something that revolved around someone who wasn't her. It's not that she "sucks at caring" - she just doesn't care. And then she does the absolute bare minimum and he fawns all over her. This episode really highlighted that the show's decision to make Geoff Erica's glorified butler just underscores what a jackass she is when he needs literally anything and she just stands there like a deer in headlights. It's a family medical emergency and they've been dating for years. Hold his hand in the hospital. It's not that hard. This isn't a Big Sick situation. Coincidentally, this was the first time I've liked Barry in many, many episodes. Sean Giambrone had his quarantine hair going in that intro!

Always appreciate non-straight Miggy references! "Your thing has hunks?" Will & Angie are still pretty cringe as a romantic prospect, but Tarran Killam really won me over with the sincerity of his pining this week. I wasn't expecting the scene with Derek, which just made me feel bad for Derek in that he knows he'll probably lose her and his son if Will lets any feelings slip. He's a great guy, unlike most douchey rival love interests, so it's hard to root for Will to break them up. At least they skipped the bitter crying and hating each other phase with Douglas/Poppy, but it's odd to see them nostalgically reference their relationship that ended last week. They were talking like they dated in high school.

Jaime is forever 16, but it was nice to see her confident before a performance instead of verging on tears/vomiting. Trevor looks old as fuck paired with her. But hey, who would've thought they'd be a genuine pairing? Surprised Rudi kept it together and prioritized the performance but even more surprised that she was level-headed about Matt awkwardly side-stepping her love declaration, which in Bachelor Nation seems to mandate immediate self-destruction. She cried about it, but then decided it was okay for him to want time, which is...normal and mature!! Felt bad for Natacsha and thought it was weird that she let Ryan's whim to do an obviously cheesy, meandering arrangement both dictate their song and ultimately torpedo her. She really must like him to indulge him taking such a pointless risk. I hope they stayed together - it's gotta be awful worrying your partner will dump you for failing Z-List American Idol. Bre and Chris are sweet but bland.

Jane's new vertical: "Navigating a Pandemic Boob-Free: Flattening the Curve After Flattening Myself"

How Barry continues to pull women is beyond me. Also bringing Lainey back for one closure scene like a year after she left makes no sense. And didn't they tell us Barry marries yet another blonde from high school? He has a type. As someone whose sibling was in the next age group, the trope of dating your siblings' friends is always weird to me. From Erica's perspective, it's annoying that Barry makes moves on her closest friends and inevitably makes her friendships awkward. I enjoyed Barry being his usual blowhard self with Erica - she deserves it tbh, unlike the JTP. So I guess Brea/Adam dated in real life? The character Brea seems like she'd never go for the character Adam. I thought for sure we'd get photos of Beverly actually third wheeling their dates.

Wow, I didn't think Michaela and Connor would be that slimy. The lie about Annaliese/Wes made me laugh because I remember in the early seasons, it was a running fandom joke that you cringed your way every Wes/Annaliese scene praying they didn't fuck. IMO the writers told Viola to keep their chemistry ambiguous and decided on the (half assed) Christophe twist later - all that drunken sensual chest rubbing in S1 did NOT read maternal. Laurel still sucks, even though she randomly decided to be a marginally better person because it suited her. This episode reminded me of The Laurel Show era, a callback I did not enjoy. At least they were finally forced to retire Frank/Laurel. I've never forgotten the time she coerced him into car sex and the show just...didn't care. I thought Karla Souza was taking a season off to have a baby, but then she never came back. I wonder if that was planned. It feels like she's been gone for years. It's awkward to throw her back in. Michaela was harsh but accurate - Laurel uses motherhood to virtue signal and grandstand when convenient. I'm guessing Gabe shot Hannah in revenge for taking Sam from him, because this show has to shoehorn every irrelevant character into the plot. Hopefully Teagan getting kicked off Annaliese's case means they can kiss. Bonnie/Frank continue to be joyless and exhausting as always. Feels a little late in the game to reignite the old Connor/Michaela feud. They were the last good relationship besides Annaliese/Teagan. Come on Gucci Wes! Yeah yeah, it's probably older Christopher or a dream, but it feels lazy to cast Alfie Enoch to play his own adult son. Surely there had to be an easier way to invite him to the wrap party. It must suck to watch all your friends continue to work on the same project for years after you were killed off.

These were decent. Rory was borderline amusing and dare I say endearing in the museum scene - proof that the kid has actual acting chops when the writers give him something to do beyond "flamboyant jerk." It's a little unbelievable that Douglas and Poppy would fall for photos photoshopped by elementary school kids or the idea that Douglas had immediately rebounded with a 25-year-old pothead, but whatever, the plot was cute. I was glad that Angie called Poppy out on keeping Douglas in the dark and surprised how quickly/maturely it was resolved between Poppy/Douglas, but it makes it awkward when the writers want to get them back together. No one moves on that dealbreaker and they already threw out the "I want you more than I care about babies" line. It's a very forced break-up, but the writers have backed themselves into a corner for when they inevitably date again. Will/Angie is so, so bad. Like second-hand embarrassment bad. Now that I know Adam Brody is Leighton's irl partner, it makes sense they have more chemistry, but still...cringe. Will's "romantic realization" self doesn't feel any different from how he usually interacts with her - no tension, no stakes - just more nagging and annoying than usual. The writers want us (and them) to think they hooked up after the wine, but that "awkward embrace" looked like two cousins cuddling. George Michael and Maeby had more romantic tension on Arrested Development and they were actual cousins. This romantic development is beyond painful and proves that they never should've attempted to go there.

It's a small nitpick, but as a disabled woman, it bothers me that Julia is the one with cystic fibrosis. The disabled and chronically ill have so little representation, let alone on dating shows, and people are always weirdly gleeful or smug when we turn out to be assholes because it must prove we're milking/exaggerating our circumstances for pity or privileges. Julia did us no favors. Sheridan gave us the most mature breakup reaction we've ever gotten from this franchise. Notice how Julia immediately attempted to gaslight him when he refused to grovel and validate her ego. And everyone was waxing poetic about how noble it was for him to fall on the sword and go home after her rejection, but imo, although he's a nice guy, he wasted his experience on the show repeatedly and stubbornly pursuing a woman who treated him like shit despite being well aware of this and despite her flat out telling him she liked another dude more than him. She's a colossal jackass, but he insisted on only seeing what he wanted to see and enabled her attention seeking because it reinforced his underdog narrative. I get that he was "all in on Julia" or whatever bullshit but it would've been a good friendship and professional move to team up with Savannah for performances. At least give it a try, but they just pouted and threw up their hands, which only further gives mediocre shitheads like Julia and Brandon the idea that they can control everyone with their little head games. If I were Sheridan and Savannah, even if we weren't attracted to each other, I would obnoxiously make out as Julia and Brandon were trying to rehearse. I don't buy Julia's sudden remorse about Sheridan. I think she was just pissed Brandon only cared about his own performance and realized that, based on feedback, she probably could've won just by pretending to like Sheridan. I can't believe she actually went home because I thought for sure the producers would stoke her feud with Natasha, who I surprisingly love. I want to snark on Jaime, but I feel bad for her. I know what it's like to have severe anxiety and constantly worry about letting people down. ETA: My blood boiled for Savannah when Brandon patronizingly told her "I'd love to have this conversation like adults" when she was simply (and calmly!) saying she was tired of his indecision. What a condescending douche.

Tom Verica is defrauding the show at this point. So Wes died seasons ago never to be heard from again (maybe), while Sam, who died the first episode, gets a revisionist redemption arc and an entire episode leading into the series finale? Fuck that. Michaela and Connor are getting boring, which says something about the quality of the writing. They really morphed Ollie from a goody two shoes into a weasel. I'm sure he'll try to fuck Michaela over to save Connor and fuck himself over instead. SO much retconning with Bonnie/Frank and Laurel. That kiss was pretty good though. I hope it wasn't awkward for Liza and Charlie, haha. Not interested in her smug return next week. Glad Bonnie called Nate out on (poorly) attempting to be Frank. I'm still rolling my eyes at the writers trying to convince us that Annaliese's empty side piece is suddenly an undercover badass five minutes before the finale. The incest twist is so lazy I refuse to comment on it. "The baby was born in March?!? GOTTA BE FRANK."

I know we're all about snarking on everyone, but coming from someone who found her insufferable on her season, I was very proud of Sam and I think she's grown the most personally of any cast member. She didn't try to circle talk her way out of her behavior or play the victim or offer excuses. She just sat there and admitted she had been a giant asshat and treated someone who tried to be open to her like shit for no reason. I found her regret very sincere and I thought it was humble of her to attribute her current relationship success to Neil. Amber still acts like she's in high school. It's embarrassing. Wow, people here are really harsh on the women, lol. I'm a little mystified by the pregnancy/baby obsession in general, but it's to be expected from this ridiculously heteronormative show that mandates you to fall in love in eight weeks. I give Danielle a pass for "looking old" because she's a new mom who had to recover from partial liver failure. I also don't think wanting a second child makes you a Duggar. Bobby saying he would've named the baby Danielle if she died made me tear up.

Pillow Talk has made me super attracted to Andrei and I don't know how to process this? It was funny/kinda hot when Elizabeth said Ed wanted sex and Andrei pretended like she was asking and jumped on her. Alexei is such a sweetheart. I love his little reassuring shoulder kisses to Loren. And hell, even Tim is growing on me. Not in a sexy way lol, but he seems like he'd be a hilarious friend. He and his ex (blanking on her name) have great BFF chemistry. I admire him for being unapologetically himself and not giving a shit about being effeminate. He's actually one of the nicer men produced by this franchise. Pillow Talk has taught me the show is 85% producer manipulated. I'm sure next season will feature Stephanie and Erika, happily married and unable to keep their hands off each other.

Trevor must be thrilled that his career prospects are now yoked to an insecure 21-year-old with performance anxiety. If I were Ryan, I'd be laughing. Their duet looked like a dad performing with his eighth grade daughter. Jaime's behavior went from immature to bizarrely toddlerish, from the jumping jacks to flailing in the grass. Her little girl act is a huge turnoff. I love how Jason Mraz basically told Ryan "You're ok, but she genuinely has talent and you'd hold her back professionally." True! Natasha has the strongest voice on the show imo. I don't think he's super into her though. He just stands there and lets her initiate everything. He lucked out that the woman with the best voice laser focused on him. Man, Julia is a self-absorbed piece of work who seems to be the star of her own soap opera in her head. Savannah is just trying to make her own relationship work in peace and has been remarkably level-headed about Julia's feelings for Brandon and blatant attempts to shit stir. Why does everyone in triangles hate their "rival" instead of realizing the person in the middle is usually a piece of shit playing them for an ego boost? Also, fuck Julia for pretending to be into Sheridan to make Brandon jealous. How high school. Sheridan must be gullible - he assumes Brandon is in the rear view mirror and apparently doesn't notice Julia's constant glowering at Brandon. FWIW, Sheridan is actually way hotter than Brandon imo, but his emotional availability and focus on Julia reads "beta" and turns her off because he's not a challenge. Such bullshit. Rudi is incredibly unstable and shaping up to be a horrible partner both musically and romantically, but her voice is beautiful and she and Matt sound the best together. Matt isn't my type, but Rudi is right - his voice is sexy. So...they're locked into these pairings the rest of the show and if Julia or Brandon jumps ship, Sheridan and Savannah are fucked? Given that these "relationships" last max 4 months off air, a tour together is a terrible prize - they'll all be broken up post-COVID, and even if that hadn't happened, I'd be shocked if the winners were still together when the tour started. I felt bad for Danny. Becca had to realize that this whole franchise and especially this show depends on claiming to be in love within two weeks. She looked repulsed whenever he tried to kiss her.

We can dream. In all likelihood, they'll get married in the hiatus (or with COVID, in the probable time jump after America's last episode) and then come up with a contrived reason to bring him back to St. Louis and give him some throwaway lines about spending weekends with Amy. They wouldn't be giving them a(n unearned) sappy finale edit if they weren't staying together. Jonah's entire character exists to be inexplicably devoted to Amy, despite her being the most emotionally unavailable character on the show. The writers would never undo five seasons of "love story" because the actress decided to leave. They wouldn't let him aimlessly date around for the rest of the show's run, He'll just be like Cheyenne and have an offscreen marriage, which is a shame, because I'd like to see him with...anyone who wasn't cold and dismissive of him all the time. I mean, the entire plot involved Glenn peddling a teen like a shelter dog he had to rehome in the next 12 hours, which is definitely not how adoption works, so we can't exactly get mired down in realism, lol. It was just another "Sandra gets bullied into something no reasonable person would do because she's a pushover" plot, which can be kind of uncomfortable to watch (they're usually mean, cringey, and mocking Sandra), so I was glad to see her end up happy regardless.

Exactly!!! I feel like that’s Screenwriting 101 for romance. Especially in the context of the world of the show. The buildup of CB and Lainey’s “romance” is so sloppy and arbitrary. If you’re attracted to a coworker that you have to see and interact with every day, you don’t randomly notice that you might have feelings for them for two or three days out of the month and then forget about it and keep interacting with them like any other coworker. There is zero continuity in either of their revelations. CB is supposedly over Lainey for now, but what about Lainey feeling like she had to make a choice between Barry and CB and then the heavy implication that she was leaning towards CB? What happened to that? I thought we were headed to Lainey pining, but nothing. There’s no progress with them, the writers just bring it up when they need a plot for the week. Every day is Groundhog Day with these two - one episode they are struggling with feelings, and the next episode they are barely acquaintances. There’s no excitement or buildup of tension. This season has to be almost over right? Most sitcoms have a formula where they have the primary couple hook up or have some sort of romantic milestone at the end of season two, but assuming they only have two episodes left (or less if COVID shut down production), I have no idea how that’s happening. It almost makes you wonder if the episodes are filmed in random order or if no one knows what order they will air in, which feels unlikely.

The will they/won't they with Will/Angie is pleasantly less cringe than I was expecting - they're smart to play the soft emotional angle instead of sexual tension, because the actors have none. Their energy is still strongly platonic imo. Poppy/Douglas is very contrived and I don't know why shows can't let their two main couples be together simultaneously.