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Everything posted by SnarkEnthusiast

  1. A "throuple" is not forcing your two suitors (who are deeply uncomfortable with one another) to accept that you're going to continue sleeping with both of them, in front of them. Audrey is a walking negative bisexual stereotype - insisting on dating them both and then stringing Coffey along even though she basically admitted she's going to pick Mark. Jesus, Cameron is a massive, smarmy piece of shit. "It would be a shame if you made me hate you or we never talked again." Fuck off!! The fact that he has the audacity to shrug off juggling two women but threatens to throw a decade in the trash the second Arianna pays attention to anyone else...he's the worst. I actually like weepy Billy so I hope Emily can pull him out of the endless Lexi moping.
  2. Also, Peter simultaneously looks 15 and 40. I wonder if it stings that he only got the gig because the two much more heavily favored front runners are dating A-listers now, lol. Personally, I'd much rather be dating Gigi Hadid/Demi Lovato than refereeing high school spats between 30 emotionally unstable "Instagram influencers."
  3. Though Mike is sweet, I wouldn't say anyone on this fame whore franchise is a good match for a clearly fragile, frequently relapsing addict. Although he's clearly much more grounded than anyone in her potential dating pool. Demi Lovato is also bi like BiP Demi, and they're apparently friends, but the latter's engagement ruins my hopes of a Demi squared power couple, so Mike will do! I don't know if he'll be into the glitzy, vapid A-List party scene like Tyler though. He seems like a regular dude. I feel for Carly if they are on the rocks - the baby will only make things worse.
  4. Oh Chris, you sad, reluctant penguin. Why do him and Blake do this to themselves? They look miserable and as if they dread any interaction with (especially their) women. Blake releasing the texts was foul and petty, but from what I can remember they were just Caelynn acting horny and Blake halfheartedly trying to ignore her begging for sex, so it's not like anything super personal was posted. It's weird how these people fuck and then pretend to be friends and then continue to argue over the two weeks they were fucking months later while their current partners look on and also continue to maintain a quasi-associate relationship with their exes because they've all sold their careers/souls to this incestuous whirlpool. Kind of strange Demi treats Derek like her brother now that he's been demoted to Official Lesbro when they sucked face for two weeks. But hey, her engagement was cute. Sad to hear that JPJ and Tayshia fizzled out already. I still have a lingering crush on that snotty buffoon.
  5. He's attempted to dump Katie like 4 times. It would be exhausting having to constantly convince someone to stay with you. Not a very sexy buildup to their engagement next week.
  6. Paige and Remy announced that they're a couple and have been living together since they left the house!
  7. The kiss montage was very funny. I love the editors being in on the joke. This whole JPJ machismo/personality transplant fiasco feels very fishy and producer driven. As soon as Derek left, both he and Tayshia went back to their usual goofy flirting like nothing happened and seem to be full steam ahead. I don't think you'd just go right back to someone if you were truly pissed that they tanked both your relationship and your other prospect. I don't think Tayshia was ever into Derek and the producers cooked up the friends to lovers and resultant Derek vs. JPJ feud for drama and to test whether the audience likes Derek enough to be a future bach. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you want, but I also think JPJ is really smart and has genuine conversations with Tayshia off camera. The surfer persona and stoner accent is just a character he concocted for attention. When he's not performing for the cameras, he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Haley is beautiful and it's interesting/sadly funny to watch her be reduced to everyone's designated crisis wingman. Sure, she's ditzy, but so is everyone else there! I think she feels lonely and isolated in the wake of her twin's pending engagement and is desperate to make anything happen so she won't be single at her wedding. I feel bad for her. Blake and Kristina also feels like producer shenanigans. So they've both blankly stared into space for two weeks and Kristina expresses glee at watching him suffer, both whine about being bored and uninterested in everyone, and now they suddenly have feelings for each other and Kristina throws a tantrum at the mere idea of him going on a date after they just decided to give it a shot like an hour prior? Ok then. Dean did look irresistibly sexy again clean shaven, minus the horse veneers. Dare I say...kissable, even? *ducks tomatoes*
  8. Max is truly unhinged. Justin sure dropped him fast! I feel bad for his match - Amber is right, he'll spend the rest of the time stewing over Justin. Kai and Danny took all of 30 seconds to get cute and domestic? At least Kai is finally settled and actually seems content for once. Remy just seems lost.
  9. Well, this episode definitely made me embarrassed for swooning over JPJ so much in early episodes. I guess the producers wanted a new Jordan and JPJ wanted more camera time.
  10. I hate to break it to you guys, but Demi and Kristian aren't going anywhere. TPTB wants that proposal press coverage, so they're dead weight til the end. JPJ lost me a little this week. You have feelings for Tayshia, but you tongued two other girls in 24 hours and happily slathered lotion in a twin's ass crack? Sure. I thought it was weird and kind of shitty of the producers to frame Tayshia as Derek's healthy rebound when she likes JPJ. I was confused by the JPJ/Derek confrontation in the previews. Please tell me it's not a Jordan/Christian repeat. I don't want JPJ acting jealous and crazy, but I also don't want Derek to be revealed as a douche. Derek's edit is all over the place this season.
  11. Kate Moenning hasn't aged a day. What happened to Tina?
  12. Teen media in general is the most guilty of this because self discovery is a massive part of adolescence. It's still irritating as hell. Euphoria has been an interesting exception for the most part - the main character's love interest, Jules, is trans (so is the actress), but it's never a plot point. While the narrative explicitly acknowledges she's trans via showing her giving herself hormone injections and flashbacks to her pre-transition childhood, none of the characters ever acknowledge it or bully her about it - even the guy threatening to expose her nudes. It's pretty much an afterthought other than maybe shaping her tendency to pursue closeted cis men to work out her relationship to femininity. Another character, Kat, is insecure about being fat so she becomes a cam girl and starts sleeping around to prove that she can be desirable. It was fascinating to see identity play out in terms of how it impacts them psychologically, rather than the usual bullying or cyber bullying clichés. With Kat in particular, it's a refreshing twist that no one ever comments on her weight and (spoiler) her crush liked her the entire time...and the narrative doesn't praise him for liking a fat girl! Compare that to Rae from My Mad Fat Diary, whose depressive self-loathing dominates every episode. The writing also treats her boyfriend like a saint for daring to be attracted to a big girl. Similarly, compare Jules to Adam from Degrassi, whose entire character arc revolves around hating himself for being trans, getting outed, being worried about being rejected, etc.
  13. They've had their moments for sure, but I think Max is too dramatic and intense for Justin and their dueling insecurities are inevitably going to combust. Justin deals with conflict by emotionally distancing himself and hooking up with whoever's available. Max sits around stewing in worst case scenarios and jealous paranoia and it makes him incredibly needy and possessive. That's a recipe for disaster. Max sees himself and Justin as Romeo and Romeo and I think that level of infatuation is going to make Justin feel claustrophobic. They are a bunch of horny 25-year-olds with unlimited free alcohol – there is no reason for the dramatic Titanic histrionics.
  14. Raven is so hot! I just automatically assumed he was taken/married/gay because otherwise it makes no sense why they're not together. Especially now that I know that they apparently both went through the casting process for this show. He had to have shut her down in the past or something, because if they are each so desperate to get married, why not just try dating each other? And yes, I know men and women who are sexually compatible orientation wise can be platonic friends, but his little pep talk about knowing her own self-worth was everything she's been wanting Matt to say for the last six weeks in the span of a five-minute conversation. He is incredibly gentle and empathetic with her and seemingly everything she's been craving in a romantic partner, so I just don't get it. Or maybe Amber's just not attracted to Raven because he's actually emotionally available and her abandonment issues predispose her to obsessively wanting to please partners who don't pay her any attention and their rejection naturally only makes her double down on her emotional attachment because she internalizes it as a sign of her own failures and need for improvement. Wake up Amber, Raven's actual husband material!
  15. Eh, she's your typical Instagram poser. But more than that, she has one of the worst, most grating cases of chronic sexy baby voice I've seen. The high, breathy voice is one thing, but her toddler diction is bizarre. She was talking like a three-year-old on their Skype call. I see Ben is getting the David Poor edit.
  16. Yep, and according to today's news he's already met her family. Bachelor Nation moves fast! Imagine submitting a reality show audition tape and six months later, you're dating a world famous super model. Hot privilege is real! Quite the step up from Hannah B's sloppy thirds.
  17. Beth wasn't calling the expert a bitch. She tries (and fails) to put on a blaccent while fighting to look tougher. The whole "bitch Izzz knows what Izzz diddd" repetition is just her attempt to sound "ghetto" (i.e. black) because she feels aggressive and defensive. This is the type of behavior you'd expect from 13-year-old suburban white kids, not a 30-year-old woman. That exchange, and then her reverting back into her natural voice to ramble through a sheepish explanation like her mom just caught her swearing, was beyond mortifying. Other thoughts: While no one is on Beth's level, the women have SO many issues this season! Deonna needs intense therapy. With all the build up, I thought it was going to be some big reveal like her ex-boyfriend took her virginity and then slept with her best friend the next day or cheated on her with her sister or was abusive. Her whole narrative the entire season has been that that one ex-boyfriend basically destroyed her faith in love and left her with some sort of deep, pulsating psychological scar that even a decade of supposed self introspection couldn't fix. She's also been dangling it over Greg as a deeply emotional secret that she would only reveal when she could finally trust him enough with that trauma. All of that to find out that they just broke up over some bitchy fights because they couldn't handle long distance??? She does realize that people break up every day because of distance, right? I absolutely can't with her. Greg is really putting himself out there and she's just so dour and self absorbed and childish, which doesn't even really make sense considering in her closed-door interview all she could talk about with the experts was how much she likes him and how she really does envision their marriage lasting forever. I don't understand why her actions don't match that sentiment even a little bit because she seemed genuine talking to the experts. I cannot believe she's actually blaming her adult romantic dysfunction on being sad her high school relationship didn't end with marriage at 20. Amber is so desperate that she's willing to pretend any asinine detail Matt drops about his childhood ("We climbed the walls." "My sister bullied me for being fat.") is a sign of increased emotional intimacy. If they're not even kissing anymore, stick a fork in it. It's sad that she genuinely believes that if she just goes along with whatever he wants he will eventually want to be with her. He's distancing himself because he feels bad for having sex with her when he knows she has feelings and he doesn't, so he's just saving face until decision day. Iris is just so fucking weird. Don't even get me started on her so-called secret – with the weird wording and by saying "no one knows about this but my mom and the doctors" I thought she was setting up some sort of intersex coming out moment where she was going to reveal she was born with unconventional genitalia, which would explain her extreme reluctance with penetrative sex. But no, she's just a giggling, emotionally stunted ditz. The way she framed this story about swallowing the quarter like she was telling him she had six toes was just so bizarre. Forget about Keith not being sexually attracted to her, it would be like trying to be roommates with a fifth grader. I think he cares less about not getting laid and at this point he just feels like a round-the-clock babysitter. He's been trying to always put on a good face for the cameras not even about staying with her but just being kind and you could see that moment was really testing his patience, lol. It's like a 12-year-old who's never been kissed forcing her first boyfriend to spend time with her even though they can't stand each other.
  18. Mike has become kind of a doofy nothing burger on BiP. I guess not having someone to compete over and focus on has really dulled his suave romantic edge. After all that last first date talk, he seemed like he could care less when Caelynn chose to pursue Dean and even less about the girl he halfheartedly decided to pursue after her. I know that the producers are probably sweating bullets trying to make the next bachelor happen since Tyler is dating Gigi Hadid now, but tricking Derek/signing Derek up to gain audience sympathy via being bamboozled by your current fling's simultaneous lady relationship and then cuckolding him in the name of being a good ally...feels like a long, indirect walk to be the next bachelor.
  19. Overall, I think Candy's character arc was the wobbliest, especially the highly questionable decision to try to force a character arc postmortem. She wasn't that important or significant when she was alive, and if anything was kind of a one-dimensional mustache twirling villain that just kind of sucked up air whenever they needed some sort of antagonist. Then suddenly she dies and she's a beloved martyr. Not only did she magically become everyone's best friend or beloved sidekick through revisionist history, but the rest of the cast was apparently so stricken that they all continued to hallucinate her for months on end. It's very clunky and I don't buy it. I think it was just a case of the writers and cast really liking the actress and trying to make her relevant as much as possible, but it just didn't work with the character. I was surprised Pray and Ricky are still together nine months later. That "incest" scandal sure evaporated quickly! How convenient that everyone judging them immediately drifted away from the ball scene. The infatuation seemed almost exclusively sexual on both sides, so I would've thought that would've naturally fallen apart after a few weeks. The boy introduced her to Blanca as Chris, which she immediately corrected to Chilly, so yes, it would seem she's apparently trans. But I agree with @Blakeston, she was definitely a 2019 trans girl. It's the thing to do now to immediately put trans kids on puberty blockers at 10/11, which is great, but as far as I know it's only been widespread practice for the last five years or so (Jazz Jennings being the first well-known public case), so that was painfully inaccurate for an inner-city kid in 1991. If you watch the last season of I Am Jazz, the new standard is definitely reflected - whereas her trans peers and trans adults often express wonder and sometimes envy that Jazz was able to avoid male puberty so effectively, when she's speaking to younger teens in the last few episodes, all of them are very clearly on hormone blockers and would pass without a second thought. On one hand, that's wonderful that it's been normalized and that those kids won't have to go through the same mental anguish, but on the other hand, it unsurprisingly continues to stratify beauty standards and ability to pass along socioeconomic and racial lines. Even among people in their mid-late 20s, puberty blockers weren't common, but there's a huge shift with trans girls under 21 (think Jazz Jennings and Hunter Schafer), so passing is going to become increasingly dictated by increasingly early access to costly resources, not to mention favoring those with liberal and accepting parents, in addition to the luck of the draw of having features naturally perceived as more feminine. ETA: So even though 2019 beauty standards are inevitable in media, it's getting a little ridiculous to pretend that all these runway-ready actresses supposedly face the same struggles as average trans folks living on the margins, especially re: being outed.
  20. Based on them retweeting each other all day every day, doing IG live, showing up together on other cast members' IG stories, and hosting a viewing party together for this week's episode...it sure seems like they are lol. I'm so happy for them. There's a difference between using matchmaking to spare you from toxic relationships (Jenna/Kai, Nour/Amber, etc.) versus letting arbitrary producer picks and algorithms separate you for no reason when you've developed real feelings for each other. The experts can keep you open minded, but they can't predict the future. Paige and Remy really bring out the best in each other, even though imo Paige went into the house hoping to pursue/end up with a woman to validate her bisexuality to herself, which is ironically probably why she wasn't matched with Remy.
  21. Seconding the mixed emotions about the second time jump. Feels like we've skipped more time than we've covered! I LOVE PAPI. Angel B. Curiel is everything. He's one of the most adept young actors I've seen at portraying not only the full spectrum of emotion (love his flustered smile when the girls were talking about doing porn at the pier), but with such nuance and softness. The way his face trembled with emotion as he waited for Angel to propose...omg. And for once Angel got a sappy monologue about him! I also feel like Papi's enthusiastic "FUCK YEAH!" was improvised (hilarious) as well as Indya's choice to quickly stroke Angel's (the actor's) cheek when they saw how emotional he was getting during the proposal. Little details like that make this couple shine. I love them so, so much. That was my favorite TV engagement ever, easily. And now Papi has his own career beyond being Angel's emotional support boyfriend! I actually liked mature Damon? Seems like he aged about 10 years overnight, wardrobe included. Not sure I buy him suddenly being a house father (abroad no less), but good for him. Weird seeing Blanca's "kids" go from 5-7 years younger than her to actual kids. Interesting choice to take on two 14-year-olds with your health visibly failing. Does that mean next season will jump to 1995 so the new crop will be legal? Pray and Blanca will be dead by the premiere with this wonky timeline!
  22. Well, that was an embarrassing pile of self-congratulatory, virtue-signaling bullshit. Since when do you get to just import randoms from home? Although it's an inside joke that lady/lady couples move fast, the over dramatic weeping and constant kissing suggests they've been exclusive 6+ months and were invited to do the show as an LGBT PSA. And then they get to stay and get a date card???? Be more obvious producers. Way to shit on Derek. I hope they told him. It's obvious they're just salivating over the impending publicity of a lesbian proposal. Worse, Twitter is already tripping over itself to fawn over Demi and Kristian. Bleck! Somewhere, Jed's eyes are rolling into the sun. Kristian is weirdly stern and seems much older than 27. She and Demi have a strange mommy/daughter vibe.
  23. Absolutely devastated Paige and Remy aren't a match. He was so devoted to her. His little soft kiss on her knuckles after they finally kissed for the first time....my heart. Although her being matched with Amber would be interesting since Paige has had a little flame for her for a while. I should've known they wouldn't match her with a dude, given that her "show narrative" at the start was presented as her finally exploring her attraction to women. On the flip side, it's hilarious that Nour/Jasmine is a presumed match after they almost came to blows like two days before. Super weird to watch them make out now. It was surprisingly big of Kai to admit he didn't treat Jasmine well and thought Nour could. Nour's still an abusive shitbag. I feel terrible for Danny. Kai and apparently everyone else is like, "I mean, I'm not attracted to you, but you seem like a stable partner so I guess I could suck it up and settle for you." Sure, he's not exactly a panty dropper, but he's been nothing but open minded and supportive of everyone. He deserves better. Max is so clingy and paranoid. Regardless of whether or not he and Justin are a match, they wouldn't last three months outside the house.
  24. As a bisexual woman myself, this ham fisted, producer driven Demi storyline is not only boring, but flat out eye roll inducing. So it's cool to be dating someone back home as long as it's a girl and the relationship can be shoehorned into a coming out story? That girl with the nose ring on Nick's (?) season was also openly bi and showed up in Paradise (where her bisexuality was referenced by other cast members), so I'm not sure why they're treating Demi like the first ever bisexual in Bachelor Nation. Funny that Cam planted the seed with Oneyka that Mike wasn't into her to make a play for her platonic rose and instead it made her self-implode immediately. Which makes no sense, because wasn't she also into Wills who basically wound up going home because of her? I don't know what it is, but I am super into JPJ and rooting the most for JPJ and Tayshia. In a franchise founded on unhealthy fixation and obsessive jealousy, I love how pure his infatuation with her is and how he's just perpetually in awe of her. The high school element of their relationship is cute instead of clingy and cringe like Dylan/Hannah. The play fighting in between kisses was adorable, as was him carrying her to the pool. Although, what is up with his ultra-sensitive gag reflex? lol but at least she was able to laugh it off.
  25. Lacey (Booberella) is the biggest genius of the bunch. Great idea to pit two ex-cons against each other in a love triangle neither of them knows about when your new secret boyfriend just got out of jail for malicious wounding. What could go wrong?
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