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Everything posted by SnarkEnthusiast

  1. I get the impression he and his ex-wife might still be together if it weren't for his douchey descent into the (supposedly) nouveau riche lifestyle combined with his midlife crisis.
  2. Probably residual bad feelings from the breakup with his daughter / awkwardness on Pete's part. And if the post-Ariana mess is an indicator (blocking her on everything, passive aggressively implying on social media that he might kill himself and then refusing to see her when she rushed to check on him), Pete is apparently a massive, petty douchelord when it comes to breakups. And anyway, he's dating Cindy Crawford's daughter now, because I guess leagues aren't a thing anymore. She's an up-and-coming lesbian pop singer whose record label is tied to Harry Styles somehow - I'm thinking he pulled strings to get the gig for her because she's not exactly SNL's demographic. She's huge among queer girls 15 to 25ish. She's not even 21 yet and actually has a very good voice. She performs almost every concert stoned out of her mind (or while vaping) and her signature concert look is braless white tank, so this was by far the most sober and put together I've ever seen her. She looked great. I've met her briefly and she's very nice, so I really wish success for her.
  3. Fun fact: Ken Lerner (his dad) was my acting teacher sub in a class I took a few months ago. I was the only one who recognized him from The Goldbergs and complimented Sam as well. He was so excited that on our break he called a very confused Sam and forced him to say hi to me lol. It was awkward but sweet. They're both lovely men!
  4. Yeah, this one hurt. It always stings to realize you're emotionally invested in people who, while they like you well enough, will never see you as more than an acquaintance. The detail of Glascott's jealous parrot made me laugh. We have a family friend who's petrified of birds and found love - with a man who had just bought a giant Blue & Gold Macaw weeks prior to them meeting. The bird was enormously jealous and possessive and plucked herself bald in protest. Almost 12 years later, they're still reluctant roommates and the bird is still plucked clean from the neck down. Mellor has chemistry with everyone. I ship him with everyone. I think I also just have a massive crush on the actor at this point. Willma made a delightful sparring partner. Why did they even tease an Adam cameo? There's no way they could style him to look 30+. For an episode that was about creating the situational groundwork for the CB/Lainey hookup via the roommate situation, Lainey seemed remarkably uninterested in CB.
  5. I was very jealous that Melissa got to fake stage kiss Jon Hamm! As someone who was in high school/college during the One Direction craze and didn't get the hype, I actually found Harry Styles a very capable (if not memorable) host and kinda sexy? I love how calm he is and he just seems very empathetic and eager to try. He seems very sweet with the cast too!
  6. Respectfully disagree! You have to be streetwise to pull yourself up out of bone-grinding poverty like she did and hustle your way onto a yacht in Croatia and land a rich mark. She's young and overwhelmed with nervous excitement. I think she plays up the "little girl" dynamic with Michael because it turns him on (which, given he's the father of an actual little girl...ew). I actually think her asking/teasing the kids about who made which part of breakfast and seeming genuinely delighted to eat it with them showed a lot of forethought and empathy on her part. She wanted to make sure they knew she not only appreciated it, but also is excited to spend time with them. It's a far cry from our usual dead-eyed sugar baby who barely pastes on a fake smile for the kids before whining that they're ruining her chance for dick. They are so sweet!!!!!! Based on Max's immediate assessment that she's pretty and Dad's "a lucky guy," I got the vibe that he has a tiny crush on Julianna, which is adorable and more age-appropriate than Michael salivating (and worse) all over her. Julianna is literally the hot babysitter that the oldest middle school boy has a crush on, when in reality she's sleeping with his dad.
  7. Compiling a running list of Gabriel's nicknames here: Dollar Store Wes Bootleg Wes Dollar General Wes Dollar Tree Wes Wal-Mart Wes Knockoff Wes Discount Wes Clearance Wes Fat-Free Wes
  8. Jersey Shore's cast was lovably air-headed - these fools are belligerent alcoholics perpetually one outburst away from jail time. Remember when Snooki peed at the club and it was replayed 100 times? Now that happens five times an episode. I gagged when Nilsa helped Aimee twist the pee-soaked part of her dress to the side, then slapped on some hand sanitizer as an afterthought. I used to think Candace was the only rational one, but I'm 100% over her. Shrieking and threatening to fight everyone over not getting the room she wanted? Are we 10? "Yay! More of Kodi's fake producer-driven crush on Candace!" said no one.
  9. Now that Will and McCoy are headed for splitsville, I wouldn't be surprised if Esteban leaves Jack and Jack and Will have some kind of hook up. They're apparently the only two main cast members who don't hate each other. Megan Mulally is feuding with Debra Messing too? Doesn't she already have a rift with Jack MacFarlane? Going from Karen flirting with Samira Wiley to flirting with Patton Oswalt has to be the biggest downgrade in history.
  10. I find Armisen's brand of comedy to be very distracting and self-indulgent (you can tell he thinks everything he does is hilarious and imo it's kind of obnoxious because it sucks the air away from his scene partners), so I wasn't thrilled to see him here. He brought out the worst in Amy. Mateo is also BEYOND insufferable. Liked the reveal of Sandra and Jerry as undercover horndogs, although the infantilization of their relationship is becoming creepy instead of sweet...they're not 10. It did make me laugh that Garrett concocted this whole elaborate lie to bang the new woman without Dina knowing so he could look like the good guy when Dina comes back around but then New Girlfriend just wasn't into him.
  11. Zero mention of Laurel...yes! As others have said, Gabriel and Nate both suck and are the character equivalent of bland oatmeal. How has Billy Brown survived six seasons with the same blank facial expression, but Alfie Enoch had to be sacrificed? Hell, even keeping Rebecca alive would be preferable to Nate. I'm convinced one of the writers has a crush on him or something. Even Sam's ghost is less irritating. I wish Bonnie and Frank would just fuck or drop the endless angsty Romeo & Juliet routine. Only on this show would the response to your spouse confessing he dismembered a body be "I brought puppies to cheer you up!"
  12. I'm mad Bonnie isn't getting the love story she deserves. Frank's sudden realization is super half assed - she's always been his second choice, even while Laurel was moping over Wes. I feel like Asher treated her better, even if Michaela is his obvious endgame. She and Frank had such a genuine moment of intimacy when they first slept together in the show during the Oregon conversation, but he just keeps using her when convenient. His overnight about face seems very hollow and unearned and he'll drop Bonnie again the second Laurel reappears.
  13. Malcolm is still a terrible actor. Also, that priest was just hanging out without a hand for what, 3 days or a week? I guess death via blood loss is no longer a thing. Malcolm sleeping with his mom's friend was a given, since it's the closest he can get to subconsciously fucking his mom. The writers aren't even being stealthy about the build up to revealing Ainsley as the true sociopath with her creaming her jeans to her secret surgery footage and not giving a shit about the story of the Junkyard Killer causing mass panic because she only cares about her own self-interest and notoriety. Everything is me, me, me.
  14. Why is everyone that the Dunphy kids date/hang out with over 35? Have the writers not seen anyone in their early 20s? Why don't they have friends from high school/college? And especially for dating, it's a stretch to think all three kids just happened to go for people 40+. The idea of the show ending with everyone in separate states is odd and defeats the entire premise of the show. They overshot last season's natural narrative ending and have to make shit up to wrap it up.
  15. Lots of bed hopping/romantic plots this episode. They're burning through tension/love triangles at record speed. I thought Fiona's actress was kind of bad, but it was fun seeing Dex flustered off her game (as a bi lady, it's true to life: flirting with men is mocking and nonstop zingers, but I can barely keep eye contact with a pretty woman without blushing). Still, did they have to make Fiona a ditzy coke addict? We get it - ladies can't be endgame with the protagonist and she's a one-off. She was so confused about where she was and where she was going I thought the manager was secretly drugging her like Ke$ha. It's a bit concerning to just gloss over how disoriented she was. I'm apparently alone on this, but I found Ansel's passive aggressiveness a bit annoying and entitled. I guess his fear of abandonment makes more sense - I assumed it was because he wanted Dex/Grey (his quasi-parents) together and was trying to cockblock Grey from hooking up with ghost tour lady, which made me laugh because Dex was off banging Fiona. Still, Ansel's an adult and needs to realize he can't throw tantrums to control people. And please, writers, stop having every single character address Ansel as buddy/pal in every line...even random criminals! It's patronizing. He's not 5. What's going on with Tookie/Cosgrove? That was a delightful, but out of the blue, subplot. The way Cosgrove wistfully recalled meeting her husband, I assumed he was dead and we were setting up a heartwarming C-plot where Tookie convinces her to give love another try with him through food, but that hasty clarification they they're both married was very awkward. Are we gearing up for a foodie infidelity subplot? Because no thanks. The zany comic relief guy can't cheat on his wife! I would've preferred them dating organically. If the writers really do want them to be platonic friends and that line served to squash love expectations, it's an odd choice to make their scenes so emotionally intimate right off the bat. The upcoming Thanksgiving episode feels like a very contrived way to force the love triangle. It's only the seventh episode, Dex and Hoffman are barely official, and Dex/Grey have been platonic for years with no renewed sexual tension yet - it's too early for triangle bullshit!!! Also, Dex bouncing between/bedding three different love interests in six episodes is a lot. I'm getting sexual tension whiplash.
  16. At least they're slightly more relatable than the Duggars. The dad creeps me out the most because he seems to delight in the social experiment of isolating the kids from everything and has developed a bit of a God complex with limiting their access to to the outside world. The married couple is cute and harmless enough. Sure at times their dynamic is weirdly mommy/son, especially with her insistence on recording his every new experience like a baby's first steps, but I'd rather watch him enjoy Coke or marvel at strapless bras than listen to the repressed Duggar doofuses blather on about courtship and altar kisses for the ninth season.
  17. Very excited for pending gayness tonight!!!
  18. Amy continues to be the worst. Kelly is obviously over Jonah and making them pretend to be together again AND being self-absorbed enough to get mad that their dates aren't as long/cool as Kelly and Jonah's were feels so unnecessarily mean and inconsiderate of Kelly. Sure, he left her for you and you live together now, but let's get mad about gelato.
  19. I liked Glascott teaching Mellor to connect with his students on an emotional level. The ridiculous Lainey subbing B-plot was just a pretext for Lainey/CB bonding to lay the groundwork for her developing feelings for him. That state capitol rap...I love Brett Dier.
  20. Coach Mellor continues to be the most wholesome character on this show. My favorite running gag is how he continues to call Julie "Aunt Julie" The stuff with Toby was very sweet, but would be a lot more effective if Toby was either younger and/or was matched with a more realistic peer group. The kid playing Toby is 16 at most, and it's comical and bizarre having to just accept that he's supposedly in class with all of these hulking 21+ year olds. It's like watching college seniors bully a sixth grader. Are they all supposed to be in the same grade?
  21. The "flaky bisexual leaves her lesbian girlfriend for a man and her lesbian ex is justified in mistrusting bisexuals for the rest of her life" trope is tired. Tegan is better than that. I think her hair being more casual and less coiffed this episode was a reflection of her emotional vulnerability. So is Karla Souza filming something else? Is this the last batch of episodes or are we still getting spring episodes? Why focus so many episodes on her to kick her out in the final stretch? LOL Frank "Now that my ex's brother nearly tortured me to death, I realized you're my better option, love you!" Fuck off. Bonnie is desperate and while they were never hotter than when she comforted Frank by having random needy sex with him, everything after that and him stringing her along as a backup option just cheapens their supposed bond. The best moment of the episode was Asher running to go through his cologne mist, lol. I'm afraid there won't be enough time to explain or fix personality transplant Ollie.
  22. WOW as a physically disabled woman I was thrilled to see a physically disabled actor but that quickly went south when it was revealed that he was not only an incel, but an incel who blamed his misogyny and celibacy on his disability, so then the whole subplot became about illustrating him as an asshole in sheep's clothing instead of actually talking about the very real problem of ableism in dating. Shitty, shitty representation. I expected better from this show.
  23. Yes. What happened to Whiskers R We? At least that had genuine breaking if the host was wily enough to fondle Kate or something. Now they just let Kate and Aidy throw on a new costume and break every time they make eye contact, which is lazy and annoying. Pop Tart Murder Teen was the strongest. I thought the floating first date sketch was also pretty funny. My gay heart leaps for Kristen Stewart next week. What I wouldn't give for a Pizza Rolls update!
  24. What a useless reunion. So no one is still together except for Lexi/Max, who supposedly just faked being broken up to get on the show. Mechie sleeping with Danielle 24 hours after bedding Arianna...I at least thought he'd give her a month. That has to be a new record. I bet she's embarrassed by giving him that sappy monologue about how he had shown her how she deserved to be treated in the two weeks he was trying to get in her pants. Aubrey: "I mean, I would never say Coffey is NOT my soulmate." She can't even bring herself to express genuine attraction to her when she's the only option!!! I've never seen someone so obsessed with someone's attention, yet so cagey about even admitting they're attracted to them. It's...bizarre. I think she just can't admit she'd never see herself ending up with a woman, but admitting that means losing Coffey as a sexual option when she's lonely/bored, so she talks around it with all the fake deep head vs. heart bullshit. She'd fuck Mark backstage if he blinked at her and she can't stand that he dropped her. Coffey has zero self-esteem. And what was with Aubrey sitting with her hand halfway up to Coffey's (and later Allie's?) vagina? So Billy has a monogamous girlfriend after spoon feeding Emily/Tyler all that bullshit about needing an open relationship to satisfy him? LOL what a prick. Apparently monogamy is an option if he's attracted enough to you, Shannon went back to Anthony depressingly fast. Ashley trying to force them formally getting back together on camera was extremely awkward. Moral of this show: being horny for someone isn't love. You're not in love after a week of dry humping.
  25. Seems a little short to end a reboot after 3 seasons, but they're clearly running out of gas. As others have said, why retcon the original final season to do it all over again? It makes sense that McCoy might want a baby because of his age gap with Will, but I don't buy the rest of these childfree, self-absorbed people magically getting broody at 50, especially Jack. I thought Jack and Estefan would be separated by the premiere - their marriage still feels very 90 Day Fiance to me. So with Will suddenly wanting kids with McCoy (and maybe Jack with Estefan), I guess that's the writers' way of closing the door on all the Will/Jack subtext of the reboot? Which is fine, and I know many hated the idea of them hooking up, but what was the point of all those little throwaway lines hinting there was something there or they'd end up together?
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