SnarkEnthusiast

Well, at least Gael wasn't trying to seduce Dennis? Lol. The writers still don't know what to do with him beyond eye candy. It's obviously not a coincidence that Isabella is unraveling while Jaime and Callie are on the rocks. Isabella clearly only has a shelf life of however long Callie is away from the Coterie. Imo, it's boring to make her replacement unhinged. What if she was just a really nice person who happened to be super horny for Raj. Dealing with that betrayal is more true to life than this soapy Single White Female melodrama. Also Mariana fucked Callie's ex-boyfriend for years (?) after they broke up and Callie never cared so....double standard no? Speaking of which, every once and a while I remember that this takes place in the same universe as The Fosters and their whole family is just cool with the fact Callie had sex with her (adopted) brother for years and yet everyone acts like nothing ever happened? When Mariana and Evan finally bang, it better be hot. We've watched dreams and fantasy sequences for months! I appreciate Alice's plots solely for the accuracy of having a queer friend group where everyone has dated or hooked up with everyone else.

It's that tantric yoga (I think) exercise where someone coaches you through a variety of sensual and erotic poses with the idea that you'll 1) get comfortable being physical with each other and/or 2) get horny enough to go home and fuck. Meaning Zach will immediately block it from memory and Mindy will go back to the empty apartment and masturbate to the thought of Zach touching her lower back.

HILARIOUS that Niall showered with Sam before Allie...and that she was actually pissed about it. She really has a stick up her ass. It's amusing to me that Niall and Sam have such a strong bromance despite sharing an ex. We salute you, Jemmye...she coasted and drank the entire 5 weeks while doing absolutely nothing and yet causing no drama. La Demi is exhausting. Do you want him or not? And Marlon is just stringing Todd along as a backup option. Nicole finally gets a taste of her own bullshit. How can Ashley say she's in love with other people but wants to marry Nicole? Nicole would be an absolutely terrible wife and cheat on her spouse within four months. I felt bad for Tyler. He's caught between two divas who just use him when they're bored and don't seem to actually care about him or what he wants. He seems like one of the most genuine people there. I can't believe Callum is going to propose. Then again, getting engaged in that igloo set is totally on brand for them. I'm weirdly rooting for their relationship.

They were mixing up their bait and switch with that shot - so we're supposed to believe Jaime and Gael had a fist fight followed by a threesome? lol. I was glad that they seemed to put that rivalry to bed, figuratively speaking. That whole misdirect about Gael being pissed that Jaime bought his art out of pity or whatever makes even less sense now. Callie's ego could never handle a throuple. Gael and Jaime have chemistry, but everyone has to be fighting over Callie at all times. She gets off on having someone always pining for her. There's no way she'd let her two primary suitors have a romantic relationship with each other because she has to be in control. So I guess Isabella is going full Jennifer's Body on everyone's man? Kind of a soapy character introduction, which is out of place for this show. And I'm with @Zima- why would Jaime of all people be the first to notice Raj's attraction to her? Why is Raj in such doubt over a woman he just met days ago? In real life, he'd just secretly jack off to the thought of her. Mariana too - you're fantasizing about your boss who has shown repeatedly that he has zero interest (next episode might change that finally but still). Are she and Raj both awful in the sack? Why are they both so intensely horny for other people who don't know or care? ENOUGH with Davia and Dennis. Are they into each other or not? And when did Dennis decide he's in love? It seemed like he was awkwardly avoiding Davia's crush for awhile. They have a horribly unhealthy relationship regardless.

I thought Luca's actor did a good job of portraying that anxiety and confusion and actually showed emotion instead of his usual coasting but then they had to ruin it with forced love triangle BS...damn Luca, two girls in four days? New girl will not be happy to find out about Zoe either. I don't really care about that triangle because I'm way more into my own conspiracy theory that Luca was Nomi's one night stand, lol. I don't get how either Zoe or Luca found a group of such loving, supportive friends when they're both so self-absorbed and pretentious, but hey, at least the supporting cast gets to openly make fun of how terrible they are. I love Aaron.

Sweet tapdancing baby Jesus, was the show testing out a new level of censorship clearance or something? Mariana and Raj's plot was basically soft core porn. Those sex scenes felt super graphic for Freeform! How convenient that they both accidentally fantasized about someone else during orgasm. Mariana's makes sense and while I know Raj has doubts about Evan and Isabella is a smokeshow (the actress reminds me of a younger Megan Fox), it feels like a bit of a stretch he'd already be picturing her during sex 24 hours after they met, especially when he seemed sincere in telling Mariana he loved her. It's obvious Isabella is going to turn out to be Evil and Mariana and Callie will repair their relationship through mutual outrage that she attempted to bang their respective exs, which feels lazy and slut-shame-y. Alice's plots are always so cringe. I thought they actually resolved the Lindsay/Joey feud in a clever way and dare I say Joey has been a semi-decent partner lately and borderline not insufferable, so it was annoying to blow it all up again with the forced drama of Lindsay/Alice's non-kiss. Joey's actor has improved slightly. Their reaction scenes were good. The editors overused the hologram effect. Between all the rapid cutting flashbacks, flash forwards, slo mo replays, and fantasy sequences, it's impossible to follow what's actually happening on this show.

Although the show has had 2-3 interracial pairings (white/Indian and white/Latina), the show seems to have a strong aversion to matching black/white couples in particular. For example, many people said that Shawniece and Jon would've been a great match and I think Zach would at least be physically attracted to image-conscious Taylor, which is hugely important to him. (And we've seen she has a talent for wrangling douches.) But I think Pastor Cal has stated that they're worried applicants would lie about being open to dating other races. Studies have shown massive bias against black people and especially black women on dating apps. Re: the bizarre skin tone matching every season, I think they're also afraid the men would lie to hide their preference for dating women with a lighter skin tone (colorism). Tristan outright said in his interview that he only dated women with a lighter skin tone than him. Of course, those excuses are weak and weird, but the show is apparently sticking with them.

True but that whole story was kind of told as a dream sequence for the others to imagine with Nomi being intentionally vague on details so I could easily see us getting a "what really happened" flashback reveal. Plus they could've just had her say something like "I didn't know him" or "I didn't get his number" but instead she seems to know who the father is and is deliberately avoiding telling the rest of the group - why would she care if the father is a random? But then again maybe I'm just spinning conspiracy theories because I desperately want Luca to be the dad for the sheer drama of it all lol

If the show weren’t already setting Zoe up to unknowingly befriend Luca’s new fling, which doesn’t seem like a storyline they would set up if it were going to go nowhere, it almost feels like they’re gearing up the reveal that Luca went home upset from seeing Zoe and Aaron kiss, found a drunk and depressed Nomi, and they had sex which would explain why she told him first and why he’s suddenly hanging around playing house now - I didn’t watch season one or most of season two, but were they friends before this? Because otherwise it makes no sense for Nomi of all people to be behind the scenes BFFs with Luca, who can’t even string together a three word sentence to the woman he’s supposedly in love with. I don’t exactly envision him as a fun hang out buddy. He seems like the type of guy who would only bother interacting with women that he was attracted to so I’m really not buying this sudden friendship with Nomi unless he’s the father, which would also explain why she avoided the rest of the house all summer until she was obviously showing and couldn’t hide it anymore. I know it would be fucked up, but that would actually be the most exciting thing that ever happened on the show LOL. Also as a bi woman myself, I know bisexual women obviously also sleep with men and I think it’s weird that shows that do feature bisexual women only ever usually show them hooking up with one gender, but I miss Nomi the womanizer. Having her reduced to the pregnant girl is annoying and again will only be worth the pay off if the writers totally commit to blowing shit up and reveal that Luca is the father!

Please TV gods, I would love for this to happen! In our dreams though LOL. Single Parents actually just introduced a m/f/m throuple situation with one of their characters so there’s hope for us yet! As much as I enjoy Mellor with Julie, she’s a side character who exists to be his girlfriend, so I feel like his natural chemistry with everyone else or the excitement of him doing a slow burn with Wilma or even Lainey is squandered a bit. The problem with Lainey is, like Barry, she’s immature and kind of insufferable, but the writers believe they’re writing her as quirky and relatable, so she will never grow as a person because what makes her character suck is also her only comedic value in their eyes. I wish so many writers didn’t rely on making their characters oblivious and obnoxious to be funny. Totally agree and I feel the same way about Mellor too. Both Wilma’s actress and Mellor’s actor bring such heart and fun banter to their roles, which is why they also have ridiculous off the charts chemistry with everyone. You could pretty much pair either of them with any other character and tell me if they were dating and I would believe it. I can’t really describe it because it’s not like either of them have traditional sex appeal but they are so quick witted with all their scene partners that it can easily translate to perceived flirtation. Basically what I’m saying is I have a gigantic crush on both of them. I agree and they both make each other really immature and annoying so I feel like them going through sexual tension with each other is just bringing out the most undesirable parts of both of them. But alas, they are the designated young and sexy leads, so we are obligated to watch them develop a forced romance.

The flashbacks make me dizzy and are also confusing because they're always a scene we just saw plus or minus 5-10 seconds. I've only ever seen Beau Mirchoff (Jamie) playing sexy, kind hearted lunkheads (in Awkward and Now Apocalypse), so I think he has trouble bringing depth to a high powered lawyer. I wish Mariana and Evan could stay friends. I like her with Raj and the inevitable triangle will be painful, especially since the writers themselves can't seem to decide if Mariana and Evan are attracted to each other. New Roommate is just there to bug Callie as her hotter obvious replacement - what a coincidence Mariana's new roommate is also hellbent on fucking Gael! Never saw that coming! I'm sorry but Alice is just a cringey fake character with such tryhard dialogue and her actor being the weakest of the bunch makes it worse. I dread most of her scenes.

This episode only highlighted the far superior chemistry between CB and Wilma - "You wanna go out?" "Nah" "You have a problem" "Sure do!" and actually convinced me that a CB/Wilma romance would be much more entertaining than CB/Lainey, who act like middle schoolers together. So....I'm supposed to find CB/Wilma ridiculous...because why? She's a little older or too intense for him? I don't get it. She had no problem lusting after Johnny Atkins (hilarious) who's about CB's age and not exactly known for his wit. Prayer circle that this love realization finally phases out Barry. The door argument was funny and very familiar. Mellor plots always deliver.

I think she does and Zach had apparently made her aware of that three times by that point according to Unfiltered. I think she just doesn't respect him for not being able to admit it on camera and throwing a bunch of lame ass word salad at her to save face. However, she's going about it the wrong way by 1) claiming that he should be worried if she's attracted to him - duh, if he's already not attracted to you why would he give a fuck about you being attracted to him, plus you have zero poker face and have been gushing over him since the wedding and 2) attempting to guilt trip him for being superficial, which will never work with a vain narcissist model. She will keep seeing "hope" in any breadcrumbs of affection because she's desperate and super horny for him. With that said, she and Meka are also ruining any chance of anything going in any positive direction by thinking that endless accusatory, justifiably self-righteous monologues are magically going to transform these douchebags into good husbands. Either make fun of them and goof around as friends or leave, but you can't salvage something that was never there and from personal experience as the talker, talking someone to death never changes the outcome and only makes the situation more painful. BRANDON IS A FUCKING CRYBABY. What an emotionally constipated, gaslighting asshole to waste a day of their honeymoon on that elementary school bullshit. RUN Taylor!

Someone on Twitter said the casts get more unlikeable when they skew younger. Most of them, apart from maybe 5, are 25 and under. This is why they need to cast women 27+, but they won't because older women are less likely to be insecure and cry at the drop of a hat. Then again, Victoria P. and Kelsey are 27 and 28, so maybe not. Between Hannah B, Hannah Ann, and Alayah, Peter just likes bland white brunette women who create drama.

This episode was incredibly staged and fake, from Mursel magically deciding to "come back" on a no return visa to porn granny whipping out a check, but I did thoroughly enjoy how unimpressed Tania's own friends were with her fake woke bullshit and total lack of self-awareness. Everyone's cracking on Sarah for looking homely, but she just looks normal to me. Not everyone feels the need to have 7 beauty appointments or a full face of makeup for an event. Why even bother when Juliana is next to you? She's not conventionally attractive, but most people aren't. I just think she's very lowkey about appearance. And Michael looked like a cartoon character on his way home from a bender and Juliana couldn't keep her hands off him, so beauty is clearly in the eye of the beholder.

Marlon's new ex is pretty hot. He gets around for sure, but I like that he apparently doesn't have a type. Everyone he's dated/hooked up with are totally different people, to a baffling degree. Hated that Nicole got her way yet again and got to boot her last flavor of the week out of the house. She really doesn't even pretend to care about them once she's done with them, does she? Nicole and Ashley are some truly oblivious assholes for going out of their way to openly suck face in every room at every hour knowing Sydney was moping 10 feet away. I thought Ashley was adorable on The Real World, but she's awful. $100 says Nicole would've kicked Allie out of the house if she had been stuck on her after Laurel came. I don't really get Danny and Jakk's ultra-special "friendship." It seems like Danny knows Jakk still has feelings for him and wants to keep stringing him along even though he's over him, but realized he couldn't do that if he fucked other people in front of him. And Jakk just kind of agreed and sat around the house waiting for Danny's attention until Danny decided Jakk should leave so that he can make a move on Tyler. And the one time Jakk made a move on someone else, Danny freaked out but apparently didn't even want him? I feel like Danny wasted Jakk's time and overall New Zealand experience. The Callum and Georgia stuff was sweet, but hard to take seriously. They've known each other three weeks!!!!

That's my main problem - it's a running gag that Angie is constantly super horny for Derek, but they have a lot of romantic tension and emotional intimacy in their scenes together. The actors really sell their history. Meanwhile, Taran Killam has all the romantic presence of the Pillsbury Doughboy. I just don't buy them being attracted to each other. It's ironic, because Taran Killam's irl wife is Colbie Smulders, who has sexual chemistry with everything with a pulse on Stumptown. Best friends on comedies don't have to date just because they're m/f!!!

Wow, I've never actually seen a throuple on TV before! I'm super jealous - Miggy has incredible game! It definitely made me want to seriously investigate polyamory dating apps irl haha. Not to nitpick fantastic representation, but I'm not sure why writers are so allergic to the terms bisexuality and pansexuality in 2020 - it's always "I don't like labels," although I'll give it a pass if the actor specifically requested that to honor his real sexuality. I also got a kick out of Angie's apparent eagerness to kiss Poppy. I think that's a common thing when you're coparenting with a blended family. My best friend had a baby at 18 - her daughter is 10 and both parents are married to other people. The father has a toddler as well now. My friend wants to have a baby with her husband, and even though she was obviously super young the first time around, she struggles with the idea of having a huge gap between them and starting all over when her daughter is 12+. But the alternative is being an empty nester at 36 and not having the experience of raising kids with your friends (no one else in our group has had kids yet), so it's a lot to think about. Well, Douglas already has 8 year old (?) twins at his age, so it wouldn't be too outrageous to ask. It's not like all his kids are over 21 and a lot of men dating much younger women happily start over with kids at 55+, much to the chagrin of their adult kids.

I will never be able to take Jack and Estefan's relationship seriously because Estefan is a one-episode gag that turned into not just a recurring character, but a spouse, and I just don't get it. He has no relationship to the group and no actual character traits. So...it's the last season and we devoted the entire A-plot of an episode to a smelly poo crisis? An apt metaphor for the quality of the writing.

Nice tribute to Linda Porter. It feels ballsy to joke/make a subplot about Myrtle not getting into heaven when the actress is actually dead. This must've been a sad episode to film. Felt bad for Dina, but standing up to her dad was an empowering moment for her. Matteo is just dating Amy's brother off screen now? What happened to the unresolved feelings between him and Jeff? So we're apparently getting an Amy/Jonah engagement by the end of the season, I'm guessing. Jonah's way of gently teasing Amy is very endearing...I just wish she didn't have such a stick up her ass with him all the time. Let her be soft, like when they were drinking and giggling after the union deal. Just little moments to show us they're actually in love instead of having her be constantly cold and anal and disapproving towards him.

Again, I FUCKING HATE NICOLE. Poor Sydney - I was actually surprised she was as broken up about it as she was, so apparently she does have actual feelings. Her gagging and eye rolls in the hot tub were gold. Nicole is such a scumbag. I didn’t even recognize Ashley from The Real World, she looks so much older and that season was only in 2013! Going from dating Ari Fitz to Nicole has to be the biggest downgrade in history. And fuck her too for totally pretending Sydney wasn’t even there during their melodramatic hot tub heart to heart. Why do all these girls keep competing with each other over Nicole when clearly their rival is an infinitely better person than Nicole and they could just date each other? It’s like pushing steak out of the way to eagerly shovel garbage into your mouth. Allie proved that Nicole should’ve given her more of a shot because she is an equally terrible person. After days of talking Niall to death for not taking their relationship seriously, she sure threw him under the bus quick to happily grind her ass into Carlos’ boner in front of him. And then throws a hissy fit when Niall is rightfully confused because she lied about shutting Carlos down. So after spending over a week begging for him to show serious emotion and have actual feelings for you, you’re annoyed that he’s jealous?! Fuck off honey. I vote that Niall and Sydney should get together and have the most graphic sex imaginable in front of Allie and Nicole. Marlon and La Demi - eh. Add La Demi to the parade of people fueling Marlon’s God Complex. They forgot to show us the part where both of them decided to only be friends with their exes, who both seemed pretty interested in getting back together with them. La Demi’s ex has been shown so little I don’t even remember his name. This is why we need less Nicole. I’m vaguely interested to see how the apparent crush between La Demi’s ex-boyfriend and Adore plays out (again, when did that happen? Have we ever seen them speak more than two words to each other? This is why the producers need to stop featuring the same five people!)

I went from skeptical of Zach, to smitten with him, to guarded again by the end of the episode. Did not like the post-ceremony selfie, but he seemed sympathetic and good at listening. I agree that I expected him to openly want a blonde gym bunny, so it warmed me to hear him gush over Mindy's looks. And forgive me for sounding like the gullible and lonely 28-year-old that I am, but Christ, he's hot as fuck, to me. I know, I know, I'm such a Katie. But between that smile and the kind eyes and the intense listening, it'd be game over. Mindy also seems like a fundamentally sad person who's desperate for attention. Looks like they're headed the way of Matt/Amber. The whole boning her friend and lying about it thing doesn't really seem like something they can survive. Better her than me! Here's hoping the dick will be worth the emotional trauma. Brandon rebounded slightly for me. He still seems out there and I have a feeling a lot of their marriage will be Taylor pulling teeth. But they did seem much more into each other when he sobered up by the end of the wedding. Discount Ashton continues to bring the charm. He handled Wasted Bridesmaid very tactfully. And while I could've done without the vigorous hand gestures and she definitely puked everywhere 5 minutes after that scene, her trainwreck heart was in the right place - never trust a man who won't go downtown!!! 😉 With that said, he disappointed me in the previews. Katie sucks ass and fights like a 14-year-old, but a man calling his wife a bitch is never a good look. Meka and Michael seem doomed because she's too immature for him (but one of those people who thinks they're hypermature for their age and constantly congratulating themselves for it - the smugness makes it much worse imo) and being incredibly rigid and anal about timelines with a stranger is a recipe for disaster. Austin and Jessica are just awkward enough to work.

Shaun and Carly are exhausting to watch and this episode turned me off to them as a romantic pairing permanently. She's always groveling for scraps of affection and/or taking issue with his autism. If she's always sad or frustrated or horny, she should've taken the opportunity to dump him because they've shown us he's not communicative enough for her a billion times. However, the alternative is absolutely not Lea. Shaun and Lea reminds me of myself and all the pseudo-relationships I thought I was going to have. People like Lea love friendships with disabled people because we fawn all over them with zero effort. They love the attention and validation of having their ego constantly stroked. They might even flirt a little because they get off on the idea that they could have you. And by "flirt a little" to be clear I mean calling you hot, talking about dating you, implying you might have sex, etc. But they will never, ever be attracted to you or interested in a relationship with you - they just think it's fun or amusing or doing you a favor to pretend they are. I thought we already established post-tequila fiasco that Lea had friendzoned Shaun indefinitely, so it's painful and patronizing to Shaun for the writers to act as if one hug suddenly equates to real romantic potential. Lea is an incredibly annoying character who doesn't take Shaun seriously as a person and is kind of ableist for exploiting Shaun for her own entertainment, but I have to hand it to them for the accuracy - I've had and continue to have many Leas in my life. Melendez/Claire...meh. They missed their window for that before Lim/Melendez. I like him better with Lim and having him sleep around with multiple coworkers so close together (didn't his girlfriend before Lim also work at the hospital?) just makes him seem like a horndog.

That was pretty mean of the producers to pick up on Victoria F's insecurities, give her just enough validation to feel seen, and then set her up to lose to Hannah Ann, the one who makes her feel the most inadequate. She looked stunning in that bodysuit though. I refuse to even comment on Champagne gate. Talk about preschool hour. Kelsey was acting like Hannah Ann had intentionally snorted her dead grandmother's ashes or something. Peter is a sleaze, but also patient and empathetic. I would find it irritating and exhausting to comfort so many women sobbing over the tiniest perceived slight or failure. With Kelsey he was awkwardly trying to avoid a total meltdown (again), but he seemed genuinely sincere to Victoria. "You have all of me" might be a line, but it damn sure made me swoon, lol.

Tania. This show has had its fair share of creepy old man, fetishists, gold diggers, narcissists, and fame whores, but I can say with confidence I’ve never hated a participant with the same white hot loathing that I do her. “I’ve been so lenient with you!” I don’t even know this woman and that made my blood boil. I would have absolutely handed her back her ass on a silver platter if she said that to me. What an insufferable, condescending, miserable loser. Syngin is right, she will go through her entire life claiming that no one ever understands her and victimizing herself as a pretext for controlling and demeaning everyone, but he’ll bear the brunt of it. Sure, he’s clearly a deeply damaged, unmotivated man with a Peter Pan complex. I don’t know if I would date him, but that doesn’t make him a bad person and he definitely doesn’t deserve the way she treats him like a servant worshipping at her altar. She also seemed very callous about his time in the mine, which clearly did some permanent psychological damage to him that he desperately needs therapy to process. I love him not giving a shit about her threats. "I'll leave you on the side of the road!" "Sounds pretty good right about now." HA. Eat shit, Tania. This is going to sound weird, but Juliana and Michael’s ex-wife have one of the best, most wholesome relationships we’ve ever seen on the show. I’m hoping all the prenup shenanigans and fake parenting showdown was producer driven. I love when they were both in the car shit talking Michael. Sarah was so earnestly listening to Juliana when she was opening up about all the terrible things she’s had to go through. She actually respects Juliana and cares about her as a person instead of writing her off as an empty sugar baby or a kid. The scene between them in the bridal shop was very cute and they seem to have a great mutual friendship and understanding. Regardless of what happens between Juliana and Michael, I hope she and Sarah stay friends. It will drive Michael up the wall if nothing else. Natalie is a gaslighting manipulator. “I threw my ring at him and he was supposed to put it back on me but he didn’t!“ So to be clear, you breaking off the engagement is a sign that HE doesn’t care? Huh? I’m sure she was being passive aggressive about saying she loved him in the interview because he had said or done something to piss her off the night before. It’s never ending with her, and she always has that vindictive deer in the headlights look. She’s beyond obnoxious. Mike needs to get out while he still can. Watching Mursel and Anna break up 45 times was like watching high schoolers do poorly acted theater. What was up with all the kneeling and wailing?