S14.E18: Semifinals 1

[Drogo]

Semifinalists perform at the Dolby Theater in Los Angeles for a chance to win $1 million and be named the most talented act in America.

[xls]

The kid dance team was boring! Pretty conventional 1-2-3 dance moves with overwhelming CGI. When asked if they just made their costumes, not one could answer. It was too obviously over produced for them.

[ams1001]

Just got home a few minutes before show. Need dinner. May be cranky.

• Ndlovu Youth Choir: Looks very minty tonight.
• Judges' comments: One word: Inanity.
• Ansley Burns: Ugh. Simon and his backing tracks. Don't know this song. Wasn't impressed. (And she messed up. And the backing track was too loud.)
• Messoudi Brothers: Because we don't get enough of Julianne drooling over the hot guys, they gotta put her in their act...
• What kind of bird did Julianne kill for her dress?
• Tyler Butler Figueroa: Is the one-shoulder overalls thing really back?
• Greg Morton: After his last performance I looked him up on Youtube. I don't understand why he didn't do actual stand-up here instead of just a series of voices with nothing really to connect them. (That said, I did enjoy reliving my childhood Saturday mornings tonight.) His Marge Simpson was a little off, I think. (Of course Howie gives him a standing ovation for doing Bobby.)
• Kodi Lee: Disabled sibling is an inspiration cliche.
• Jackie Fabulous: Um, somebody ripped your dress...(seriously, can we move past the cold shoulder trend already?) More jokes about fat and men. And fat men. Howie's laugh sounds so fake. Telling the contestant that "comedy is subjective" seems like a bad sign. (It sounds like, "I mean, I find you funny...but don't get your hopes up.")
• Robert Finley: Very bluesy.
• Programming note: I have Pop Tarts. That's dinner, right?
• Eric Chien: I was bored...
• Light Balance Kids: I feel like "Rock You Like a Hurricane" is not the best song choice right now (though I assume it was chosen before Dorian came along)... Didn't really get the superheros dancing to my middle school soundtrack. (Okay, just looked; both songs were actually pre-middle school, though Livin' on a Prayer only by a year.)
• Benicio Bryant: Baby Benny was adorable. Maybe I wasn't totally listening but I barely caught a word of that song.
• ...
• 10:22 PM Eastern Time: Oh, is it over? Huh.

[Kelloggirl]

Note: I'm usually to lazy and/or half-dozing during this show to keep a running commentary during the show that I post later, but I'm pretty awake tonight!

The show opens and out comes a very muscular orange...wow! That's a lotta color, Terry!

South African Choir: One of the few acts that manages to pierce through my fog of cynicism and ennui and give me a little smile.

Ainsley Burns: Make. her. go. away. already! She opens her mouth and a stream of mediocrity ensues. And shut up, Simon! So you're saying she could come out and croak like a frog for 2 minutes (which she pretty much did) and we should disregard that and vote solely for the Pre-performance Producer Manipulation Clip? Errrm OK, I'll get right on that. In the meantime, let's work on America's Got Talent: Video Editor edition.

I think Julianne is drunk. She says more and more inane things every time. She's reaching Paula Abdul-levels of inaninity disguised as incoherent pearls of wisdom.

Shirtless Brothers: Ouch! That foot break injury looks almost as painful as watching yet another season of this show! [/rimshot] On another note, isn't there already a CHippendales show in Vegas? Based on future revenue, though, I'd give them the vote. There are A LOT of horny bachelorette parties in Vegas that would throw dollar bills at these guys. What was the point of bringing Julianne up? NVM don't answer that. Oh wait, I'm distracted by the really nice smile the one in the middle has...no! No! Must focus...need...to that's a lot of pretty man-flesh...[I'll be in my bunk.]

Ok, I'm back! Where was I. Oh yeah. Thanks Julianne for bringing back to my senses...with your icky critique #mentoo, that was borderline sexual harassment. Thank you for some decorum, Gabrielle. And does Simon really have to take credit for every single improvement in an act? His narcissism and ego is getting out of control again.

Lil' Fiddler: Oh I'm voting for the editors of this pre-performance clip for manipulative power - bring out the little brother! Cue tears!!! (I say this with a tear in my eye, F-Y-EYE). Performance-wise, he is both pretty good and pretty adorable. Will definitely get through. 

Greg Morton: Light speed trip through Saturday morning cartoons. It pains me to say this but I agree with Simon. I loved his act initially, but it's worn thin. It's just so manic that it loses impact. Comedy needs space. Jeff Foxworthy would say "slow it down!" It is not cohesive - now if he could create an original skit with 5 or 10 cartoon characters auditioning for AGT, that would be funny and original! He's just a mimic, albeit a really talented one.

Jackie Fabulous: I was surprised she made it through, but at least that performance was better than this one. She kind of rushed it and there wasn't an original comedic moment in there. Dating, blah blah blah, self-deprecating fat jokes, blah blah blah...These "comedians" need to watch Bring the Funny for tips and pointers, particularly on pacing and timing.

Robert Finley: I just love this guy. Not sure I loved his performance tonight. I can finally see what everyone is saying about this being a great bar act. Vegas not so much.

Kodi Lee: I admit I didn't pay that much attention to him, but I do like him and think he's talented. (See this is why I never post because at this point I'm bored into a near comatose stage.

Light Balance Kids: They get more and more meh, and I wasn't crazy about the song choices.

Eric Chien: It's subtle, and this show don't do subtle, and when they do they don't do it that often so Shin Lim got you already brother. The judges befuddlement was almost as entertaining as the act itself. I get the talent but this particular one fell a little flat for me (pun intended). Unfortunately I think I figured out how some it works though, which is a shame.

Benicio Bryant: Also do think he's very talented but I wasn't crazy about the song...

...Zzzzz...Oh did I doze off? OK finally, it's over! Bedtime!

[ams1001]

7 minutes ago, Kelloggirl said:

These "comedians" need to watch Bring the Funny for tips and pointers, particularly on pacing and timing.

I'm watching that right now!

[Lonesome Rhodes]

I was mostly sad watching because I realized that the "now" acts like the fiddler and the light dancers and the wrong singers would get through.  Robert, Eric, and Greg are toast.  I was particularly dismayed because Eric did not go big as was teased in the package.  WTH?  The average viewer would be fully justified in ignoring him.

Greg, as pointed out above, needed to create a cohesive skit with obviously recognizable characters.  It would be an absolute hoot.  The scattershot snippets are impressive, but not fun.  It is work to figure it all out.  Again, the average viewer tunes out.

Jackie was, as always, far from Fab.  Her enunciation was much better, though.  The material was as tired as she professes to be, only more so.  She should be gone.

The Fiddler really angered me.  The music for more than the first half of the act was ridiculously repetitive phrasing.  It was super easy, too.   yet, the audience was primed to react as if they had each won the lottery.  The lad stomps his foot and one would have thought Beyonce had taken the stage.  

Simon's got the Finals set up just as he like it.  It's overwhelmingly stacked with singers with a story.  Genuine talent like Robert and Greg will be tossed aside.

Edited September 4, 2019 by Lonesome Rhodes
Because Robert is not Greg and Greg is not Robert

[DietCokeJunkie]

WHY did they bring Ansley back as a wild card? Was it because she cried the first time she was eliminated? She's cute as a button, but she does not have the vocal skills for a show like this.

I also was not a fan of Light Balance Kids' act tonight. Thought it was boring.  Overall, it was not a very entertaining night. Hope next week is better. 

Forgot to add--Kodi and Tyler are skating by on their stories. Hope they're gone soon too. I'd say they should reinstate a minimum age, but I loved Darci Lynn. I just get tired of the kid acts that get by just because they're kids.  

Edited September 4, 2019 by DietCokeJunkie

[DietCokeJunkie]

Aside from Benicio, Robert and the Massoudi Brothers, who would you even put through? 

[kickedinthehead]

Greg Morton's act reminded me a little too much of Joey Gladstone for my liking...

[anthonyd46]

1 hour ago, Lonesome Rhodes said:

I was mostly sad watching because I realized that the "now" acts like the fiddler and the light dancers and the wrong singers would get through.  Robert, Eric, and Greg are toast.  I was particularly dismayed because Eric did not go big as was teased in the package.  WTH?  The average viewer would be fully justified in ignoring him.

Robert, as pointed out above, needed to create a cohesive skit with obviously recognizable characters.  It would be an absolute hoot.  The scattershot snippets are impressive, but not fun.  It is work to figure it all out.  Again, the average viewer tunes out.

Jackie was, as always, far from Fab.  Her enunciation was much better, though.  The material was as tired as she professes to be, only more so.  She should be gone.

The Fiddler really angered me.  The music for more than the first half of the act was ridiculously repetitive phrasing.  It was super easy, too.   yet, the audience was primed to react as if they had each won the lottery.  The lad stomps his foot and one would have thought Beyonce had taken the stage.  

Simon's got the Finals set up just as he like it.  It's overwhelmingly stacked with singers with a story.  Genuine talent like Robert and Greg will be tossed aside.

Robert is the older singer with the sunglasses.

[InternetToughGuy]

The amount of pressure I feel to come up with an essay of material to impress a post-AGT Jackie Fabulous show turn out (5 people) makes me nauseous - either that or it's the bottle of bourbon I pointed to the ceiling like I was playing the bugle on an army base once I heard the torturous sounds of the show's intro. The guest judge, Sean Hayes comes out - I thought "who the hell is that?" which is the reaction that made me assume he was a former AGT contestant found panhandling near the theater. That aside, I really had no idea who he was, since a grainy quality show from 20 years ago that airs reruns on a rural Tennessee network at 3am being brought back didn't evoke any reaction from me.

Ndlovu Youth Choir - Pretty sure my face would have to swell up from wisdom teeth removal surgery to be able to pronounce that first word correctly. I don't think that white guy has exactly stated why he's in Africa, which leads me to believe he is either African, but extremely albino or he lives at the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro and applies a gallon of sunscreen to run down to teach the choir. Of course neither of those are likely and I am just being stupid. I find it odd how people likely associate this choir with being poverty stricken, when Detroit being worse off than South Africa isn't that hard to imagine. As for the actual act, I don't care for it, though I find that white guy very pitiful - him looking so engaged in what he's doing is "cute" despite looking like such a knob. I was pretty annoyed by Julianne getting up and dancing, so I will have to go back and edit a stripper's pole into the footage - she looked real hot today.

Ansley Burns - It's funny how she prefaces her performance by singing "I'm sorry", since she's likely aware at the amount of people who consider her the cold virus immune to vaccination. After that she sings "I'm pretty good at keeping it together", as if we're supposed to ignore the ESPN highlight reel of tears before/after/during every performance. She's pretty much written all the material for me, so I am out of a job (the Forte effect). I'd say "she's only 12" or however old she is, but there's little point, as there is little faith that she'll get any better in the future.

Messoudi Brothers - I am extremely disappointed they didn't gain 20 pounds of unhealthy fat on their waistlines as my very vague tweet that they didn't even read suggested, as any man who is more athletic, attractive, or successful than myself makes me stress eat even more and cry for pity on Instagram. It wouldn't surprise me if the brotherhood imploded fighting over which one of them would get to have Julianne's ass pressed to the back of their head - it's a good thing nobody walked in on me wafting my own farts into my face to try and simulate actual female contact. Anyways, I thought the act was kind of underwhelming, although the most muscular tension I experience is angrily holding the fast forward button when anyone over 200 pounds is on the screen. When one of them was balancing in a handstand on another's head, I had wondered why that brand of pomade had to be so forcefully applied, unless the steroids are causing hair loss (the idea that people work hard for results is a foreign concept to me).

Tyler Butler-Figueroa - Is Butler his actual name or the result from a career aptitude test due to lack of success? I don't find the act super entertaining, but I think he's nice - yes, such a plain compliment means something when 90% of all acts make me hiss like a feral cat being combed. The segment showing him and his brother was cute - his brother said he loves him to the moon and back, which I didn't have the heart to correct him by saying the moon is a gigantic microphone used to record citizens' private conversations. Nothing really to poke fun of, since the performance was just OK.

Greg Morton - The segment showing him on the school bus full of elementary school kids shows he's either perverted and is pandering to a very niche and disgusting demographic comprising of senior citizens with ankle monitors or is seeking to rewrite the medical books with a new diagnosis for advanced retardation if he still hasn't advanced past fifth grade after 50 years - him yelling "I don't wanna go to jail!" leads me to believe it's the former 🤣. The actual performance seemed kind of embarrassing to me and it felt that way from the judges/audience's perspective. Reciting a bunch of different voices and funny faces seems more like him displaying his multiple personality disorder than an actual act. All of the shows being from when I was in diapers (up until 2 months ago) makes them familiar to me, but probably not to every other person under 30. He should prepare his depressed Eeyore voice for when he gets eliminated tomorrow.

Kodi Lee - At first I thought his name was a misspelling for the cause of his odd voice and mannerisms (Codeine/Lean), but according to Kodi's brother, he doesn't see him as having any disabilities - thank God he's not a doctor. I have a near impenetrable shield for sob stories, so this one doesn't touch me at all, but the performance was OK.

Jackie Fabulous - That opening segment of hers was so bloody painful to watch, I'd rather get my ass kicked by all 3 Messoudi brothers for shaming them for not being a fat slob like me. It had never really occurred to me to question in detail how old she was, because I just assumed like 50, but MJ's Big Blog (who shouldn't be relied on for intelligence since she spells tons of people's names wrong and seems like a stupid old bat) says she's 30-something. Frightening. The routine was crap and was almost the exact same structure as last week. The way she speaks of having 100 dates sounds like something out of a C.S. Lewis novel in terms of believability, since my image of her dating life is sitting at home alone watching the eggs in her ovaries on a TV screen die in real time while depressingly petting one of many cats.

Robert Finley - How likely is it that he was blinded when he accidentally walked in on Jackie changing; he probably hasn't said that because the mere mention of it makes him nauseous. This guy is so damn cool, that him describing his health problems and displaying incontinence in the doctor's office probably makes the young nurses moan like an adult movie. I'm glad I live nowhere near this guy so there's little chance of him stealing my hand girlfriend. I thought the performance was good; it's not that often a singer captivates your attention in any form other than contemplating which opiate to take and how many.

Eric Chien - I don't know why he's acting like has a choice whether or not to do close up magic or not, since he's 5'1, so he has to do it close or the camera won't pick him up. The false representation of the Earth in that odd circular shape threw me off, as the Earth is actually shaped like a piece of origami that constantly changes appearance based on my delusions. I thought the trick was pretty underwhelming, especially since it seemed like it ended prematurely.

Light Balance Kids - I assume the "balance" part of their name will come into play tomorrow when they're all stacked on top of each other in a single seat on the flight home. Their elimination seems obvious, as using "Rock You Like A Hurricane" pretty much takes away the Florida vote. I almost never pay attention to the light show (in which I wish this was Amish-themed), since I am more distracted by their dancing which makes me think of a bunch of happy go lucky gay men pretending to lasso something in an 80s aerobics video. Nothing much else to say.

Benicio Bryant - Nice of his Dad to keep up the charade of still having a job, as if he didn't defiantly quit to live off of Benicio's dime. I'm sure if Benicio won, we would see a clip of his Dad in the backseat of the car pestering his son to buy him McDonald's (which is at this point the American equivalent of a Granny Smith apple). I thought this song was much worse than his last one, which I quite liked, though going on last seems to help a lot - I'm actually not very confident in that because I hit my head on the edge of the coffee table to forget every episode of the show.

Pretty boring episode of the show, though not overly torturous. I usually like the results show more, mainly because there is a dopamine rush in seeing acts I hate get eliminated. As you'll notice by my post, there are no attractive females left to gawk at except for Julianne (though I imagine Robert Finley with an evening gown and Sephora shopping spree would break my heart 🤩). I've been terrified of losing this post by accidentally clicking on something, since I've been typing for an hour and a half, so I'll just post it now.

Edited September 4, 2019 by InternetToughGuy

[Neet]

The guest judge being there tonight was hyped up for a week, like there was going to be a big A-lister at the table. Not that I'm excited about anyone telling me what to think - we already have a roulette wheel of news organizations for that, but I have never heard of Sean Hayes and it continues to be silly having guest judges commentate on a variety show, where they have little personal experience in most of what they're seeing just like everyone else. He did well as blur #5 that gets skipped over after every performance and looked quite handsome at 4x speed.

Ndlovu Youth Choir - For all of the pride they have towards their home country, they must be renouncing citizenship in between rehearsals after seeing how much more developed the US is in comparison. The conductor's "every day I'm shuffling"-esque dancing made it look like he was auditioning separately in case the choir doesn't go through, but everyone seems to love them. I don't get it, I think they're extremely boring...but hats off to them for being so synchronized while doing it.

Ansley Burns - By singing Carrie Underwood's "Cry Pretty", I guess Ansley has found her niche appeal in falling apart during every song. She "breaks down" during so many songs, one would expect her to be doing a solo at some point. Perhaps the stage design of a corn field (?) was Simon's unsubtle hint at her elimination tomorrow. I do think her voice sounded better than any other time she's performed, but since it was the only one not marred by improvisational warbling tears or Simon stopping the track, what do you expect.

Messoudi Brothers - I usually have to spend good money at Chippendales to watch women sit all over attractive men who aren't me, so that was very classy of the brothers to spare us a few bucks. This was supposedly "taking things up a notch", although the danger level was no different than before unless thinking they're going to steal your girl registers as an adrenaline rush, and having not exercised since before Y2K, I don't fully know what that is. The pyro that Simon always cheers for was nowhere near the brothers, it was on the back panel of the stage and may have only been there to remind everyone that the show is filmed in California, where some part of the state is almost always on fire. In summary, it seemed like they did a strip tease and then like three moves, so it was a huge step down from previous routines.

Tyler Butler-Figueroa - "Butler" served up entertainment on a silver platter tonight. Of course, the huge stage setup helped a ton but it was a nice aid for him rather than a total crutch. (like Gonzo) I'm playing a mental violin for the poor stage techs who have to repeatedly sweep up huge piles of confetti tonight, they're going a bit overboard with that stuff lately.

Greg Morton - Nice to see a man with multiple, multiple personality disorder be able to make a regular life for himself. Being that Americans do nothing but watch cartoons and stuff their faces with junk, he's clearly able to resonate with the audience with every single voice he does being recognizable. It would be an improvement for him to have more of a structure to his dialogue, though I guess there was more conversational bits/interaction between characters this time compared to just quoting things at random.

Kodi Lee - He lost a bit of the charm from beforehand after choosing "You Are The Reason" as his song, publicly blaming his parents for his circumstances on national television, but maybe a little edge is just what he needs. Anyway, aside from the usual mid-show fatigue, I try to listen to him with my eyes closed and don't hear anything that great. He's not bad at all, but it's clearly a case of the backstory being at the forefront. (hopefully it didn't take anyone else a decade to figure this show out)

Jackie Fabulous - My Botox applier was out of town this week, so I can't blame the lack of smiles during this performance on his handiwork. Jackie's material ages me like the Texas sun, thus the need for Botox. It's a shame because she is quite good at stringing together a set, probably better than most comedians on the show. The *attempts at* jokes have a nice flow to them, but the content never delivers for me at all. I think most of what she says is too predictable and not very clever, not to mention the over-reliance on her preposterous dating history. By the way, was her name on the set using the same font from the movie Jackie Brown? What a literal description, if so.

Robert Finley - He said his Dad told him that the blues was devil music, so he stopped playing for 50 years. What a failure, did he have any idea how many hundred song ideas there were in that one story? Considering the blues is either indiscriminate moping about something someone said half a lifetime ago or pining for women who move several states away from them, his career's catalog would have been spelled out at the age of 10. As for the actual performance, it was pretty great. Robert is the effortlessly cool grandfather figure most people could never have, or be, so his rendition of "Age Don't Mean A Thing" was quite believable, probably to the point where Simon has to denounce ever having anything to do with American Idol and their 29 year old age limit. The band wasn't that overpowering, although he could've done away with them whether they were or not.

Eric Chien - Not only did he come off as ill-prepared by asking the viewers which type of act he should do 30 seconds before performance time, he built up all that hype just to do more close-up magic, and do it worse than any of his previous appearances. In addition to the usual dismay at where all of these monuments can exist on a flat plane, I didn't really get what he was doing for a while. Turning cards into plastic figures and the audience into stone, apparently. What I most remember was how he was taking each item out of the envelope like an old man with dementia opening a care package, he acted so surprised at the items he himself placed in it. At least he has a few hours to take to social media and claim his nervous shaking hands were from Parkinson's, which will open up the floodgates of sympathy votes.

Light Balance Kids - Florida is referred to as a swing state, but I think paying mockery to Dorian with "Rock You Like A Hurricane" was probably enough to cost them a lot of votes this week. With all of the electricity LBK uses for their act, I feel it was insensitive to rub their lack of power outages in everyone's faces. The combo of Marvel heroes and tight choreography was the perfect storm and the second wind they need, hyuk. Seriously, though, it was a lot more memorable than previous performances. I don't get why Terry lovingly pays tribute to the original Light Balance with his introductions as if it was held in high esteem. These LED dance acts are like a city bus, there will be another one in 10 minutes.

Benicio Bryant - BB is gunning for the finals with repeated original songs, which is an impressive feat by itself, although this one was sadly lackluster. I still think he can have a successful post-show career, but the song was kind of clunky and the lyrics sounded like he was verbally telling a story for the most part. Since the song was named "Fall Apart" and the chorus used those words repeatedly, he could've just sung "I Fall Apart" by Post Malone and it may have been better received. Between singing about falling apart with streaming tears on the screen behind him and wearing an intarsia knit sweater of fire, this guy is a total savage at mocking Ansley 'Burns'. Humble in victory, he is not.

Terry's main duty seems to be shouting every contestant's name after they perform in what can only be described as a very lazy form of closed captioning. Maybe his contract only has a pec-flexing quota and that's all he's required to do. Tons of disappointing acts tonight, unfortunately. I somehow only noticed that when writing this post since the show overall wasn't that much of a pain to watch this time, but I guess if Jackie has me in stitches (aka keeping my oral surgery recovery intact due to no laughter), she technically delivered as promised.

Edited September 4, 2019 by Neet

[alexa]

The good news about Ainsley is that America is finally getting smarter about the singers....sure they keep some around, but they don't choose every single one to be the winner.  So hopefully by the fact that the whole crowd at the theater remained seated when she sang, and that she really sucked--that she won't get voted through.  And if she does get voted through, she helps a non-singing act have a chance in the finals!  Because she won't do well there.  lol

[marketdoctor]

Quote

MJ's Big Blog (who shouldn't be relied on for intelligence since she spells tons of people's names wrong and seems like a stupid old bat) says she's 30-something.

According to Fandom's AGT Wiki, she was 48 at the time of her audition. 

A long time ago, I had a female friend who made similar claims about how guys who ignored her would regret it when she lost the weight.  I'm not sure that belongs in a stand-up set, at all, but I with them both luck.  

My guess as to who will go through:  Benicio Bryant, the violin kid, and since we have to pick five, I'll randomly guess the choir, the cartoon voices guy, and the magician for body of work.  If it's Light Balance Jr. in one of those spots, I'd be OK with that, and I hope Ansley can protect her voice for when she gets older.  Also I really hope she gets better sound mixing--it's not her fault the backing track is louder.

[Whimsy]

9 hours ago, Neet said:

The guest judge being there tonight was hyped up for a week, like there was going to be a big A-lister at the table. Not that I'm excited about anyone telling me what to think - we already have a roulette wheel of news organizations for that, but I have never heard of Sean Hayes and it continues to be silly having guest judges commentate on a variety show, where they have little personal experience in most of what they're seeing just like everyone else. He did well as blur #5 that gets skipped over after every performance and looked quite handsome at 4x speed.
 

Sean Hayes is a pretty big star, actually.  I don't know your viewing habits, but he's from Will & Grace and has been pretty big on Broadway since.  While not an "A" lister (which would be the likes of like Brad Pitt or something- so obviously not happening), he's pretty big.   

[bluepiano]

Maybe the weakest group of semifinalists I can ever remember. Even Kodi Lee, who I really like, didn't do much for me this week. Same with Eric. I've been one of the people saying Greg Morton needs to do a structured act and not just a lot of random impressions, but compared to the snoozeville kids singers and violin players he was at least entertaining. (Regarding the kid violinist, would it be bad taste, since he's a cancer survivor, to point out that everything he plays is very simple, and there are kids his age who can actually play Mozart violin concertos?)

I feel like more than any season this one is all about the back story and not actual talent. Which makes the whole "is this a Vegas act" a joke, because people in Vegas want to be entertained, they don't give a damn about the back story. Could you imagine any Vegas tourist paying money to hear the Detroit choir, or Ansley Burns, who Benicio, whose songs of teenage angst are all really depressing. Not a fun way to end a night out in Vegas.

[saber5055]

I got a laugh that Crying Singing Girl chose "Cry Pretty" for her song. Then production stuck her in a prop of weeds taller than she is and put her so far back on the stage that even the judges needed binoculars to see her. IMO the show is over her, which is why she went first and why Simon dissed her for how his show presented her.

Hand Balancing Guys. I missed their intro package, which disappointed me, but I didn't miss their act and their fabulous shirtless smiles. Okay, so smiles aren't shirtless but you get my point. I voted for them, 10 votes. They could stand around and smile at me all day and I'd be fine with that.

17 hours ago, ams1001 said:

Tyler Butler Figueroa: Is the one-shoulder overalls thing really back?

Exactly what I was thinking through his entire performance so I didn't pay much attention to anything else. Just kept thinking about that one strap holding his pants up.

Greg Morton. Sorry, but I've not found any of his voices good. They all sound the same to me. I didn't recognize the voices, just the dialogue if the line was well known. Maybe he keeps getting through based on his fabulous suits, which would get my votes if they had a category.

I've grown past wanting Robert Findley to win this show. I'd still buy some drinks in my local bar so I could sit and listen to him though. That would be an enjoyable evening.

I cannot say the same for the Blue Choir Kids or Crying Girl.

I've been a fan of Kodi Lee since his audition, but I must have been cranky last night (no Pop Tarts for me!) because I was "meh" about him. He did not get my votes.

Jackie Fabulous, I voted for you last week, but last night not even your highly produced intro package was funny.

Light Balance Kids ... I can barely force myself to watch their act. Last night was no exception. Except I couldn't grasp why one judge said to stay away from Marvel. Translation: Marvel is the hottest thing going right now so ditch that something that might get people to vote for your weak act.

I felt sorry for Eric Chien so I gave him 10 of my votes.

Benecio cracks me up because he has regular parents, good health, a nice background, no cancer, no dead relatives, no deformity, no social disability. In fact, his back story is so boring, they keep repeating it: He was a little boy who liked music. Best act of the night (well, behind the Hand Balancing Boys) IMO, and he got 10 votes from me. TPTB likes him too since he's moved into the Pimp Spot.

12 hours ago, Neet said:

but I have never heard of Sean Hayes

This cracked me up. You and your twin need to get out of that basement. As @Whimsy posted, Sean is a huge star who has tons of Golden Globe/Emmy/SAG/Teen Choice nominations/wins for acting, producing, comedy and voice work. Check out his IMDB.

Edited September 4, 2019 by saber5055

[Neet]

12 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

This cracked me up. You and your twin need to get out of that basement.

Wouldn't we have to stay in the basement even longer to be up to date with Sean's work?

[Sounder]

I haven't seen the show yet.....will catch the replay later.

Now the news:.  AGT season 10 champ Paul Zerdin and AGT Champions finalist Deadly Games are the homegrown acts appearing on BGT Champions episode two.   The funny thing about this is that neither act is American.

I don't know if you heard...... AGT Champions has been renewed for season two to air this coming January.   As big a fan as I am of agt.... this is overkill.  Sure the ratings were winning .....but who are they gonna get when we supposedly already saw the best of the best.   Yo Kevin Skinner.....pick up yer git tar wun more time.   This is something I'd like to see every fourth year or so.....it should be an event like last winter.   Give time for more alumni to build up.  And let us miss the show when it ends in three weeks until next summer.   But they aren't listening......there's a franchise to be milked until we can't stand no more.

[InternetToughGuy]

2 hours ago, bluepiano said:

I feel like more than any season this one is all about the back story and not actual talent. Which makes the whole "is this a Vegas act" a joke, because people in Vegas want to be entertained, they don't give a damn about the back story. Could you imagine any Vegas tourist paying money to hear the Detroit choir, or Ansley Burns, who Benicio, whose songs of teenage angst are all really depressing. Not a fun way to end a night out in Vegas.

Booking such acts would certainly lead to a spike in liquor sales, which is where most of the money gets made anyways.

1 hour ago, saber5055 said:

Jackie Fabulous, I voted for you last week

Unforgivable! 😠

[jhummerbird]

Just coming here to post that I wasn't super impressed with Tyler. I played violin for 15+ years so want to love him but he's actually playing fairly simple stuff, and his stomping around did throw off his accuracy at one point, he had a squeaky note and then went noticeably off-key. I guess in a way it's cool confirmation that he really is playing live, unlike singers who can dance around while still lip-syncing, but in Tyler's case the dancing is actively interfering with his "talent." 

[helenamonster]

Can we stop mollycoddling Ansley Burns now? Not a single judge mentioned how she very obviously messed up. This was not a good performance at all, easily her worst. Time to go.

I will give Tyler Butler-Figueroa props for managing to play fairly well while dancing around, but he's not playing anything super difficult. Seems like a nice kid, I wish him well, but so boring.

Add me to the party that thinks Greg Morton needs more cohesion in his act. They've had impression-heavy comedians before, and a lot of them will usually use some kind of framing device (several celebrities talking at a party or something). If he had that, instead of trying to cram as many voices as possible into 90 seconds with no through-line, he'd be a lock for the finals.

Really disappointed in Eric Chien. It felt like there were barely any tricks in the whole act, and when it finished it was so awkward, like he'd gotten cut off. I was expecting it to maybe eventually lead to him conjuring up even bigger models of the different landmarks. Couldn't even bring myself to vote for him, and he's been a favorite up to this point.

Predictions for results: Ndlovu Youth Choir, Ansley Burns, and Jackie Fabulous all needed saves in the quarter finals, so I think they're safely toast. For the five going through, I'll say it'll be Tyler Butler-Figueroa, Kodi Lee, Robert Finley, Light Balance Kids, and Benicio Bryant, with Robert Finley and Light Balance Kids being the ones getting through on Dunkin/Judge saves. I'll say Greg Morton will be on the bubble as well but won't get through. Messoudi Brothers and Eric Chien won't even get a chance for a save.

21 hours ago, Kelloggirl said:

I think Julianne is drunk. She says more and more inane things every time. She's reaching Paula Abdul-levels of inaninity disguised as incoherent pearls of wisdom.

I never had an opinion one way or the other about Julianne (used to watch DWTS years ago) but something just seems so...off about her lately. I follow her on Instagram and apparently she's doing this new dance teacher training, and the way she and the participants talk about it sounds like the first ten minutes in a documentary about a cult. Everything is so great and life-changing and life-affirming and sunshine and rainbows and no negativity ever...perhaps I'm too cynical but something about her just doesn't sit right with me.

17 hours ago, InternetToughGuy said:

I don't think that white guy has exactly stated why he's in Africa, which leads me to believe he is either African, but extremely albino or he lives at the peak of Mt. Kilimanjaro and applies a gallon of sunscreen to run down to teach the choir.

They are from South Africa, which has a not-insignificant white population as a result of colonization and apartheid. Charlize Theron is South African, for example.

[foxfreakinmulder]

I love Sean Hayes, he's so funny on Will and Grace.

I couldn't wait for the show to end I was bored.

If I was a voter I wouldn't vote for any act except Light Balance Kids because I could see their routine as a Vegas act. But I hated the music they used.

Everyone else in my opinion has cruise ship talent.  

I agree about the acts getting votes because of their sob story or disability.

Did you notice Terry went to Gabby first after the African choir? I told you.

I really like Greg Morton but he really needs to put an act together with his voices instead of just running off a bunch of impersonations. If he would've done a skit with the Scooby gang I think that would have worked better and easier to follow instead of mashing together a bunch of different cartoon voices.

I can't see the muscle guys doing that for a 2 hour show. But at least the one guy can now say Julianne sat on his head ;-)

I'm not impressed with any of the singers except Robert Finley but that's because the blues is my jam.

Terry likes to wear bright colors.

Julianne needs new blush.

Gabby, your space ship has landed and is ready to take back to your home planet.

Julianne and Gabby say a bunch of stupid shit!

[OfficialJiNi]

Review of last night's Semi's Round 1

Ansley Burns: Very adorable... yet seems younger than 12/13. (She is rather adorable as hell... so it's hard for me to be a complete butt-cheek to a teen. But since she is a teen... or close enough to it... I'll treat her like one). She acts like she's 6 (I know she can't help how young she looks). I feel if she waited a few years, since she does have raw natural vocal talent, it would have worked out better for her.

With that said, she needs to go... like the first 2 times she was cut. * Honestly, she should join G-Force. They all look younger than they are and could use a few years to develop their singing skills. * 

Ndlovu Youth Choir: My thoughts on any choir on AGT, unless they are a quartet through octet choir... they all need to join the already existing State, National, and World CHOIR Competitions. Some of the biggest ones give out scholarship monies. (For AGT, there shouldn't be any choir act with more than frickin' 8 people. Especially for the voting disparities). With that said, both this and Detroit Youth Choir need to look into already existing choir competitions... they would absolutely kill it. 

Tyler Butler-Figueroa: Awesome. Again, I know this is self-serving... as an individual who started playing piano at 7, viola at 9 and was a part of *choirs*...  Tyler is very talented. He's only eleven years old and has impeccable stage presence and his skills will only get better. (And for AGT audiences, he's got the backstory)

Messoudi Brothers: As a heterosexual female. I'm annoyed. Then again, I get annoyed all the time when acts rely only on their looks/lack of clothes. Choose one... Male Strippers or Strong Men variety act. They'd be sexier to me... if they had a shirt on. Over them. Plus ... their act was getting stagnant. They might be on the bubble since old horny ladies probably voted for them. I'm hoping they get the boot. =/

Greg Morton: I love him. Why oh WHY didn't he do standup... and fusion it with his amazing vocal abilities? I wouldn't be surprised if he is eliminated. 

Kodi Lee: I'm biased because I know two autistic people personally, and I'm friends with one that works with autistic children daily. I love Kodi. What he does is beyond. ❤️

Jackie Fabulous: Once again, her comedy is laid back and it's free flowing and natural like a female. HarHar. =P With that said, she'll most likely be in the Dunkin Save or booted. I can't recall if any comedian's ever won AGT. (I've skipped a lot of seasons due to it crowning singers every year). 

Robert Finley: I gave him maaaad crap last week during my first post on PrimeTimer... because I've never seen talented soul singers that couldn't play instruments. I will gladly eat crow, and say I'm happy he played guitar last night! Too little too late for me, personally. I split votes between him and Eric Chien. I wish Robert started with playing the guitar. (If he makes it to the finals... I want to see JUST him and the guitar).

Eric Chien:  I felt like I was cheated. I was rooting for him to make it... but at the same time, it seemed as if Simon Cowell made sure to put Eric at a disadvantage by putting him on last night as opposed to next week. I feel Eric might be in the Dunkin Save. Also... his act last night... for a lack of a better word, sucked. =( I hate saying that... since he seemed more confident! 

Light Balance Kids: I've always liked them... I'd actually pay to see them do a full 1.5 hour show. I'd love a showdown between LBK and V. Unbeatable. LBK are solidly in my Top 5.

Benecio Bryant: He's the second best singer left after Chris Klafford... in my opinion. Although I felt his song wasn't as good as last week... I still think he needs to learn how to play a damn instrument. (Or learn how to dance). Either combination will take him to the next level. 

 Dammit... how many frickin singers are going to be in the finale??

Ugh. Maybe they should just rename this show: "America's Got Singing Talent... with Variety Acts that may steal the Singer's Spot"

[InternetToughGuy]

4 hours ago, OfficialJiNi said:

Messoudi Brothers: As a heterosexual female. I'm annoyed. Then again, I get annoyed all the time when acts rely only on their looks/lack of clothes. Choose one... Male Strippers or Strong Men variety act. They'd be sexier to me... if they had a shirt on. Over them.

I don't suppose diabetic couch potatoes who shower in thick Winter jackets made of caribou skin to avoid triggering body issues hold any place in your heart?

[Booklady1017]

On 9/3/2019 at 9:58 PM, xls said:

The kid dance team was boring! Pretty conventional 1-2-3 dance moves with overwhelming CGI. When asked if they just made their costumes, not one could answer. It was too obviously over produced for them.

I so agree with you. Can’t believe they got the save.

[Booklady1017]

On 9/3/2019 at 10:57 PM, Lonesome Rhodes said:

I was mostly sad watching because I realized that the "now" acts like the fiddler and the light dancers and the wrong singers would get through.  Robert, Eric, and Greg are toast.  I was particularly dismayed because Eric did not go big as was teased in the package.  WTH?  The average viewer would be fully justified in ignoring him.

Greg, as pointed out above, needed to create a cohesive skit with obviously recognizable characters.  It would be an absolute hoot.  The scattershot snippets are impressive, but not fun.  It is work to figure it all out.  Again, the average viewer tunes out.

Jackie was, as always, far from Fab.  Her enunciation was much better, though.  The material was as tired as she professes to be, only more so.  She should be gone.

The Fiddler really angered me.  The music for more than the first half of the act was ridiculously repetitive phrasing.  It was super easy, too.   yet, the audience was primed to react as if they had each won the lottery.  The lad stomps his foot and one would have thought Beyonce had taken the stage.  

Simon's got the Finals set up just as he like it.  It's overwhelmingly stacked with singers with a story.  Genuine talent like Robert and Greg will be tossed aside.

I agree with a lot of your comments.

[saber5055]

15 hours ago, OfficialJiNi said:

I get annoyed all the time when acts rely only on their looks/lack of clothes. Choose one... Male Strippers or Strong Men variety act.

Personally, I'm glad there were no ugly man hand balancers this season. Maybe there will be next time, so there's hope. Ugly guys with clothes on doing gymnastics. Can't wait!

[CrystalBlue]

I was so uninspired to watch this Tuesday's edition of America Don't Have No Talent that I waited to join in the torture by watching on Hulu, sans commercials, as I'm now pretty well versed on what's going on in Adland this week.

Nothing to get excited about, as I think only Robert Finley stepped up his act with the addition of his guitar and the guitarists joining his backup singers.

What's with the Children of the Corn set?  Oh, it's wheat?  Thanks, Simon, for clearing that up for me.  I got a kick out of his critique of little Ansley.  Simon forgot to mention that she missed some of the words and messed up the performance, though.

Eric Chien didn't go big, to his detriment.  He shouldn't have listened to the ditzy blonde.  Doesn't Eric know that what Simon Says goes?

Speaking of the ditzy blonde, I hated The Shirtless Bros. pandering to her and including her in the beginning of the act.

I mostly enjoyed the few critiques the judges gave and Robert's song.  Although I also like Kodi Lee and Benicio Bryant, I wasn't wowed by either performance over what they'd each done before.

Greg Morton should have done a standup comedy routine incorporating his voices, not just the voices again in a string.

Jackie Fab is a one-joke comedian.  Ok, two jokes:  dating and being overweight.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Pointing out how desperate you are to win AGT isn't a talent.

[saber5055]

1 hour ago, CrystalBlue said:

Speaking of the ditzy blonde, I hated The Shirtless Bros. pandering to her and including her in the beginning of the act.

It would have been a Golden Moment if Sean Hayes was included instead of Julianne.

[InternetToughGuy]

4 hours ago, saber5055 said:

Personally, I'm glad there were no ugly man hand balancers this season. Maybe there will be next time, so there's hope. Ugly guys with clothes on doing gymnastics. Can't wait!

A too-fat-to-work man flipping TV channels with his foot while trying to balance 48 scoops of ice cream on a single taxpayer funded cone already sounds like the modern day Richard Simmons workout - y'all really wanna take back that "most obese country" award back from Mexico 🤮

[Commando Cody]

On 9/3/2019 at 9:22 PM, ams1001 said:

Greg Morton: After his last performance I looked him up on Youtube. I don't understand why he didn't do actual stand-up here instead of just a series of voices with nothing really to connect them. (That said, I did enjoy reliving my childhood Saturday mornings tonight.) His Marge Simpson was a little off, I think. (Of course Howie gives him a standing ovation for doing Bobby.)

This was my problem with him as well. Just doing voices wasn't enough.  I would have liked to have heard some sort of story - or situation - instead of just some random string of different voices.  I thought he was a bit off on several voices. Marge was one of them. Not a great Homer either. 

On 9/5/2019 at 2:43 PM, CrystalBlue said:

Jackie Fab is a one-joke comedian.  Ok, two jokes:  dating and being overweight.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Pointing out how desperate you are to win AGT isn't a talent.

I have no idea how she got this far.