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Neet

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  1. Not a great show, but so much better now that the auditions are over. By far, those are the worst part of the whole season. Lukas & Falco - Much of this act seemed indistinguishable from how most dogs behave when their owners come home from work, running between their legs and rolling around on the floor. Perhaps Lukas had to stay away from Falco for several days in order to achieve this effect for tonight. It was alright, but nothing we haven't seen before from other acts who did it much better. There weren't really any spectacular tricks. Andy Rowell - Is having a punchable face an act? More of an act than the one line karaoke bit he stole from other comedians, at least. It would've been nice if he could leverage his spot in the next round to do something different/good, but nope. Another example of the judges busting a gut at a crappy audition and then being angry when it's done again, when they sent the act forward to begin with. Jecko - Another "comedian" that has to look and act extremely annoying to get the point across that he's a comedian. It sucked. The Orange Magician - Finally, someone put a spin on the quick-change routine that wasn't just "look, I'm in a new shirt!" with an agape mouth at the crowd, 10 times in a row. Berywam - Their video package had a soundbite from Simon saying they weren't just staying with the times, they're ahead of the times (paraphrasing), even though the dubstep sound they auditioned with has severely waned in popularity since about 2012. Tonight's song was different, maybe house music, I don't know for sure. The crowd yelling over top of them was a major impairment to hearing the performance. Dylan Nolastname - Having a 10 year old kid barely rap along to a song for 30 seconds must have meant there was a shortage of anything to fill time. He wasn't in the auditions, so it sounds plausible enough to believe someone let him perform without actually competing. Not that I'm overly conspiratorial, more so trying to find rationale for how he could be previously deemed worthy of passing the first round because it was trash. Emerald Belles - Is it the Texas sun that makes these high school girls all look 30+? Somehow, kicking a leg in the air becomes more impressive when 40 of them are doing it at the same time. When Howie gets booed for not liking something, does that mean everyone else likes it or is the idea of negative feedback towards anything awe-striking to these people? Sentamentalists - The cheesy presentation is only amplified for me whenever I see the guy looking like Gomez from the Addams Family, it seems like he's going to pull out a cigar during every performance. Every mentalist act has a slimy, smug delivery that is rather infuriating to sit through. I don't know how they did the trick, but all of these things are the same. "Wow, they really did guess whatever was written down, picked, etc..." with the reveal drawn out for several minutes. Duo Togni - Knowing they're the inferior strength act makes it hard to get excited, but it was alright. Sophie Pecora - The chords and strumming pattern sounded similar to 'Hey There Delilah', but the usual cringey "break it down" rapping cleared up the confusion. It seems like a dorky bookworm trademark to breathlessly rap out a list of emotional phobias in the middle of the song, sometimes without even appearing to keep any sense of rhythm. She's a kid, so apparently worth the golden buzzer. There was a montage with two acts I can't remember seeing before, and then the one-liner agoraphobic comedian, Kevin Schwartz. They only showed him saying two jokes, both of which weren't that great. When the only remaining source of comedians this season comes from sassy women talking about being - GASP - most unladylike, you know you're in for a miserable time. Matthew Richardson - Despite the backstory, I didn't think the performance was anything special at all. Some interpretative dance clearly tells a story even though the range of moves is limited, but both times this guy has performed, it just looks like he's spinning around in a hula hoop doing nothing until the momentum runs out. Damiyr - When not seeing someone before and pairing their performance alongside someone else in the same niche (another singer, in this case), it's pretty damn obvious what's going to happen. His performance was alright; Simon's tongue bath sounded like it was only to manufacture uncertainty between him and the other guy. Surely, this "your voice is an angelic presence for us all" spiel is genuine until any career help is proposed and Simon suddenly needs to duck into the men's room. Chris Klafford - A lot of hatred for certain contestants probably lies in the way they're edited, but I can't stand this guy's "outsider" routine. He supposedly doesn't fit the mould, and yet won Swedish Idol. His look isn't consistent with that of a musician (how?) but he won't attempt to change it. He looks like a lot of indie musicians, which is quite fitting since nobody will know who he is come October. Topping off the performance with tears, too. Since he already won his country's talent show, this has to be an act. Messoudi Brothers - Somehow, they're a much more entertaining strength act than many of the other ones that have been on this show. Maybe it's a lot easier to imagine how strong they have to be to do what they do, since there's not a whole lot of theatrical schlock to their routines. Their Dad still being in great shape has me frantically Googling for plausible thyroid issues I can use as an excuse for being a couch potato. NDLOVU World Choir - They're this year's version of "music genre nobody likes" that is met with a parade of faux-enthusiasm by a crowd that will definitely not be buying tickets for anything they do after the season is over. This could be dubbed the "Forte effect", but it's hard for a term to catch on when nobody understands who it's referring to. The results weren't overly surprising except for the Emerald Belles getting through, that was quite undeserved. Hats off (pun intended) to country singer Brad Paisley being there to critique dog trainers and interpretive dancing, like only he can. Terry Crews continues to be the highest paid mannequin on the show, and Gabrielle/Julianne are still loathsome. I don't get why they have to stand up and shriek or dance along to every act, it's embarrassing and the type of attention whoring that I thought was Katy Perry's exclusive domain on American Idol.
  2. Neet

    S14.E03: Auditions 3 - June 11, 2019

    Marina Marzepa - As surprising as it was for her "you crane" roots to not lead up to a rendition of Swan Lake, it was even less shocking for this to be the typical "something boring (cue yawning audience)" unfurled into robotic mime dancing with the dropped bass music. There's quite the demand for this combo every year on AGT, despite dubstep music not being very relevant since 2013/14. Dom Chambers - Hearing about this guy summoning Dos Equis on stage made me think the judges were split, but it's amazing how had a whole round of drinks and didn't even get a buzz. 🤔Anyway, it was a great magic act that refreshingly didn't involve the judges or long monologues, cards, costumes, or any of the usual BS. Carmen Carter - How inspiring is it for someone to claim she couldn't get a recording contract due to her size and then apparently not attempt to lose any weight over the next several decades? It's also weird for her to never audition for the show despite being 55 and fully sentient/capable of doing so since the show's inception, unless she purposely waited 10+ years for her story to sound more depressing. Simon said nobody ever bought an album because of how old the singer is. Hmm..how hypocritical a statement, coming from him, since he loves to milk pop acts for all they're worth until they're deemed too old. Man, Susan Boyle must be living through the most awkward teen years imaginable, if that's the case with her as well. Edson & Leon - The younger guy could've easily passed for 64+, not 54. Perhaps a strategic move to get all of his aging out of the way early to make the act look more impressive. It was impressive, and looked so effortless that the older guy almost seemed like an unwilling participant, but who knows where they can take it from here due to the finite number of poses available. Sethward - I really loathe the collective audience stupidity of dogshit acts getting cheers and standing ovations. This guy's voice is so damn irritating, I would not weep to see someone bicep curl that ugly mustache off his face. Simon shows what a great mind he has for talent by voting yes despite the act not really consisting of anything. I get that he only roots for these crappy performers under the guise of making """good TV""", but who would ever be entertained by this? Unless the 2 Xs was just a secret message of wanting more female talent, Gabrielle and Julianne were kind enough to hit the X and then stick by it by voting no. You know darn well that Heidi and Mel would've been reactionary enough to hit the X in 5 seconds and then be fully converted to owners of Sethward season passes a minute later. Charlotte Summers - While it took a while for the initial shock of her not sounding as shrill and whiney as Courtney Hadwin or Grace Vanderwaal to wear off, she was quite talented and had a lot of stage presence. It's such a surprise for a 13 year old girl to be that skilled a singer without any preceding drama, I may need to invent a fake story to myself about her father being deceased in order to cope with the confusion of her not needing a backstory....*sniff* I promised myself I wouldn't cry.... Jokes aside, she was great. Kevin Schwartz - Can someone clear up why he's Agoura phobic and still lives in California? Hats off to this brave man, and kudos to Simon and Co. for bringing the entire stage and audience to Kevin's backyard to accommodate his needs. That could not have been cheap. This guy was really funny; a breath of fresh air that he had an obvious story that is rife with material and he didn't lean on it for jokes. Even though he only did one-liners, it seems like he would be able to make an entertaining set/routine about one topic. (doesn't have to be the agoraphobia) The deadpan style works well for him. Mackenzie - Serious question, why did he go to college for two semesters while knowing that he couldn't afford to finish his degree? Without anything in the story to suggest immediate, sudden expenses coming up, it sounded like the guy drained his savings on courses he already knew he wouldn't be able to complete. Nothing else to say about him, really. I don't get why Gabrielle was so excited and insistent to bring his wife on stage, her waving to the crowd and kissing Mackenzie wasted a good several minutes for little reason unless Nielsen has data on how many voyeurs actively watch AGT. Yurian Retriever - They decided to shuffle the "I'm gross and annoying" act towards the end of the show this time. Maybe the producers figure that everyone's too invested or settled into the episode to mash the FF button at this point. Her being in a bathing suit was the most Asian limb we've seen since last season's winner, haw haw. I don't get why someone unappealing to look at embracing it is supposed to be inherently funny, especially when it hardly ever comes with doing a real performance and it's always dragged out for like 10 minutes with the person begging one of the judges for affection and supposedly being oblivious to how creepy they're being. Michael Paul - Some of the material was clever and more inventive than a lot of these ventriloquy acts that I find absolutely loathsome, but I didn't laugh at any of it. Perhaps because of the aforementioned reason or because watching this show for 2 hours can leave one feeling battle-scarred. That joke he did about the bird crapping was good the first time and then he did it another two times and ran it into the ground. Of course it helps a lot to go for mass appeal, but these things feel quite formulaic (like most AGT acts, if you've seen a few things in a niche, they will mostly repeat), with the political/pop culture references, the puppet bickering with its controller, etc.. Can't wait for the bird to squawk poetic about each judge individually, that hasn't been done at all. Tyler Butler-Figueroa - On a side note, the dual last name is kind of a mouthful. His prancing around the stage while playing is reminiscent of martial art moves, so going by Ty-Bow sounds like a much quirkier improvement. Just looking at him walk out to end the show, it was easy to see a sob story was coming. "Let me play you a song on the world's smallest violin" indeed 😄Not trying to be insensitive, it was a depressing story. I guess I can imagine kids at his school thinking his cancer was contagious, but what kind of kids would actively bully him for it? That's so cruel it's almost unbelievable. His performance was good, not fantastic, but all the golden buzzers are almost exclusively reserved for anyone with a tragedy. To the point where soap-opera fans talking about "watching their stories" on TV are probably referring to AGT. I remember there being a violin player on the show a while ago who also had some kind of medical problem, like nerve damage in his arm or something. Who knows what it is about this specific instrument that pulls on so many heartstrings. The judges continue to be lame. Howie needs to stop promoting non-performers to tour the globe, Simon continuing to act like a loving grandfather is insipid, and Gabrielle/Julianne are beyond annoying standing up and dancing during every audition. I don't get why they're compelled to scream and move around when nobody's looking at them for a few seconds. Also, Terry still does very little for the show as a host. There are infinite camera cuts to the back of his head for just long enough to eek out a "whoa!" response before turning back around, or there's just enough of him in frame of an audition to see him mildly shuffling along to the music like those old-time go-go dancers at a club who are in pods. I like him, but it's hilarious to watch him appear so often and yet do nothing of importance. How did Tyra Banks have so much more presence?
  3. Neet

    S14.E02: Auditions 2 - June 4, 2019

    Jonathan Burns - Another act where the main premise is the guy embracing how gross looking/annoying he is, which is a huge pet peeve of mine because it's still gross and annoying no matter how self-aware or tongue-in-cheek it is. The contortionism was an afterthought in comparison because he was barely showing it off. He'd fit through a few objects and then soak up the unrelated music playing over top of his hammed up slinking around the stage leering at the crowd. Benecio Bryant - I thought he was a girl for almost the whole audition since a lot of people without a "John Smith" name mumble it out when introducing themselves. Apparently, the 'humble coffee shop' front was an omitted truth, since he was the runner-up for The Voice Kids Germany last year. I didn't know that myself since my trivia knowledge of The Voice Kids Germany is embarrassingly low. (X Factor Seniors Bolivia is my niche) I can't remember anything about the performance, really, since most singers on AGT are formulaic and generally unmarketable. Emerald Belles - How are these 25-30 year old looking girls in high school? Not exactly overcoming the stereotype of cheerleaders being dumb if they're still there, but seriously, they look old. I wonder how they'd fill a Vegas show out with 60 minutes of mostly kicking the air repeatedly, unless they collaborate with Nicholas Wallace to fight the ghost he swears is on the stage. Pretty repetitive stuff. Messoudi Brothers - Writing compliments feels kind of facetious because that's not why I post anything, but it was a good act. They're obviously strong and clearly don't run on Dunkin' products to look like that. It was a different enough routine from the years of other strongman acts to not be total deja vu, though one has to wonder how long they can vary up the tricks to keep it interesting. It also seems weird how two of them had long hair that wasn't tied up in any way when they clearly need to see what they're doing when performing. Karamjit & Krawijit Singh - Acts like this make me wonder if someone grinds up SSRI drugs into my food because I'm totally emotionless while watching, meanwhile everyone in the crowd is gasping and bulging their eyes out of their head. Even during non-lethal performances, I just find it weird how the audience is crinkling their foreheads and remarking "this fool crazy" out loud. I know there's not going to be a casting call for Ben Stein clones as audience members, but I don't understand how people either cover their mouths and flail around or scream at the TV. This type of act has been done before but the presentation felt pretty fresh. The guy hitting the ground with the hammer a few times amped up the suspense as opposed to nailing every coconut/watermelon in a row. Is it a correct assumption that he's opening his eyes through the salt to see the objects and hoping the $1,000,000 before taxes can pay for an ocular transplant? GFORCE - This felt like Simon testing the waters for a new girl group and pretending like he's never seen them before, complete with every totally undiscovered girl already having their own nickname, ready to be plastered on lunch boxes and other crap. Simon asking each of them their names was probably because he concussed himself into memory loss to keep up the ruse of not knowing them. The man is dedicated, I'll give him that. Gabrielle shows her old age by claiming a song about breaking the internet should be played on the radio. Adaline Bates - Record executives were already foaming at the mouth to sign a 63 year old to their label until she sweetened the deal by dressing like a man and performing both parts of a duet. Pure garbage, and probably yet another novelty act that has Howie giggling and raving for it to be given a Vegas residency until she does the exact same thing next time and Howie immediately washes his hands (sign...again) of the so-called "tired act" in disgust. Ryan Niemiller - It really sucks how most decent comedians have to suffer from some ailment that will become the backbone of their act for the foreseeable future. There's the usual idea of comedians being funny to cope with their life is depressing and on AGT, that line tends to be overstepped to the point where (disabled person) can only make jokes about their disability and can't think of anything else to talk about. He was funny, but it's rather evident to see where this is going next time, and the next time. Light Balance Kids - A diminutive version of the same boring act from 2 years ago, which in itself was derivative of other LED dance routines. I'm ashamed to admit I curse the Lord's name watching this show, since there must be someone up there saying "let there be light (acts)" every damn year. There doesn't seem to be much upward mobility or variety for these things, unless it's just a sign that watching this show for more than a few years is not the norm. Nicholas Wallace - Gabrielle was paid to be blindfolded and not watch this dreck, what a sweet gig. Obviously, it's a necessary part of the act, but I really hate the pompous "setting the mood" tone all of these guys do when talking about "once upon a time, there was a woman who died" and the audience collectively goes bug-eyed in horror before anything happens. That empty chair was probably relieved Clint Eastwood wasn't on stage, at least. Anyway, what else is there to say? There's probably some type of gimmick/cue that gets relayed to whoever's volunteering for the act, and it's likely confirmed that all four judges and Terry will be revolving participants in these magic acts where the 90 second performance rule gets thrown out the window. Joseph Allen - The song was decent, albeit corny, even though there's no reason to expect racier lyrics unless he works in a line or two about winning motocross events (ha). He has a lot of energy and I get the appeal, but hopefully he has more to say in the next performance aside from name-dropping the show, judges, etc.. Not golden buzzer-worthy at all, but then again, assigning value to a prop that's used 5 times a season is kind of silly as well. Most of the previous hosts have been similarly useless while contestants are performing, since there's nothing for them to do unless they're obnoxiously entering the stage to participate, but imagine being the editor who has to comb through hours of footage of the back of Terry's head, trying to find a soundbite of him turning around and saying "that dude is funny" before looking away. Why even have him do that during every performance, it adds nothing unless NBC thinks the audience will forget who he is without being on camera constantly. Overall, this was probably weaker than last week's show. That hardly means much, since I'll apparently watch it no matter what. This is probably how fans of the absolute worst sports teams feel.
  4. Neet

    S14.E01: Auditions 1

    So when is American Idol coming back? I used to think AGT was just a notch below it, but even with Idol losing a ton of steam, this show is just terrible. Greg Morton - Is America so obese that any contestant who happens to be over 40 years old and still alive earns some applause? He looked good for his age, but the crowd response is the same for anyone barely above middle age. Can't wait for this to be exposed in the next round or two, it just sounded like a voice actor's Fiverr demo reel. Eric Chien - On a side note, it's kind of weird how there are a lot of Asians on this show and none of them ever sing. It seems like it's either magic or the extremely played out LED display kind of thing, not that I want there to be any singers on the show. Good card tricks, but I tried not to zone out after a while because it felt like 5 minutes straight of "now you see it, now you don't", aka the same thing I want to do with the remote towards this show during the infinite low points. I'm not that attention deficient, but card tricks are usually slightly repetitive no matter how much of it is changed up. Sophie Pecora - Continuing the trend of every young singer being bullied for no discernible reason, that talking point seemed to get milked throughout the song, which was only about 1/4 singing and 3/4 fast talking like when someone leaves to go to the store and you spit out "ohyeahcanyougetsomebananas?"before the door closes. Usually, this kind of delivery is reserved for dorky boys who "break it down" in rap form for the chorus, but this didn't even sound like that. The song was pretty good but the rapid fire talking made it sound clunky. Montage of contestants - It was set to Julianne being annoying as hell and buzzing instantly, before people did anything, and for Simon, just like Mel B and Heidi used to do, with an infuriating defiant look on their faces. Good chance to test the efficiency of a remote's FF button. Monkey - Probably not the first hairy/fat/old man whose sole point of the act is "I'm gross and self-aware of it". Patrizio Ratto - The editing and his own demeanor during his interview making him look boring did a lot of the work to make this entertaining after the usual expectation subversion card was pulled. A lot of the strongman acts do seem this lobotomized when talking, so I actually didn't see it coming. I think it would've been better in the long run if he had just danced without the gimmick (although dancers never win) just because him starting off at the piano with a cheeky smirk on his face won't surprise anybody. V.Unbeatable - Bad choice for a name when they'll later be in tears begging the judges for a save option named after donuts, which sounds funny when written out. Simon has been moved to tears by so many of these struggling immigrants over the years and will never donate money to them for whatever reason, unless tight black t-shirts put too much of a strain on his finances. (he's not obligated to help them, obviously, but just saying) The routine was pretty good, but it's hard to be that involved when they and other dance acts are not likely to win. These groups are also quite formulaic after seeing enough of them, usually ending with the youngest kid being used as a team mascot and being front and center, nodding his head at the audience with his arms crossed. Jackie Fabulous - Maybe one joke reminded me that I don't have Bell's Palsy, meaning that my upper lip twitched in a precursor to a precursor of a grin, but that was it. The delivery wasn't great and the jokes themselves were mostly trash, such as "I'm fat and my Mom is Jamaican" leads to a "why ju so faht, guhl?!" impersonation essentially restating what she already said. I still remember Tom Cotter from 2012 just because he was one of the few comedians who simply said funny things without basing it off a gimmick, although Preacher Lawson was also great. Howie's sycophantic laughter at every comedy act is beyond pathetic, every chortle fit of his sounds the same. A lot of the stand-up material on AGT seems more like conversation banter than anything truly noteworthy. Not to sound like an armchair quarterback, but I think I could probably do better. And I say that comfortably in anonymity, knowing I'll never have to prove it to anyone reading. Gingzilla - Is it one big inside joke that the crowd always loves singing drag queens? Everyone who acts like this ("slayyy, yassss, queennn") seems to have an overwhelmingly unwarranted ego, everything about it is grating as hell and totally devoid of entertainment for me. Human Fuse - Why did he name himself after a description of sex? Nice to know that getting older doesn't spell doom to one's libido, I suppose. Anyway, how is this pansy who wears a flame-retardant suit and is so afraid of the judges he will conveniently die upon missing the crash pad to avoid their criticism supposed to be a danger act? Just kidding, but all these danger acts are the same. Long silences and gasping, the host warning viewers not to try this at home (what, you don't have a 40 foot slingshot in your backyard?), etc.. before the guy gets up and cheers. While the slight ratings bump would help NBC at the upfronts presentation next year, nobody's going to die on TV and if he did miss, they wouldn't have aired it. He gets voted through despite saying there's nothing else in his playbook. Nobody from the panel, nor he will remember this fact during the next round when he's "shockingly" eliminated for that reason. By the way, Howie's comment about it not raining outside was funnier than Jackie's entire routine. Kodi Lee - Good thing he doesn't also have sensory issues, or the applause + confetti from the golden buzzer would've ensured him to refuse to perform again. As usual, the judges prepared theatrical soundbites for how inspirational he is for being autistic/blind. Every time someone who is challenged in some way does an otherwise good job, the praise is still bathed in acknowledging the handicap, which I guess can't annoy him if he doesn't understand social cues anyway (not a joke) but the phoniness is irritating. It was a nice performance, though. I'm not sure how far sympathy buys gets you, but Simon looked like he was seeing dollar signs during some parts. Unlike teen/young adult pop acts whose marketability is limited and dependent on youth, Susan Boyle perhaps grows more valuable as she gets even more old and unsightly, so perhaps Kodi having autism forever adds great longevity in Simon's mind. It'd be nice if he could be a contestant first and "guy with condition" second, but that's not a selling point, so it won't happen. Overall, this show was a real drag (queen, yasssss) to get through. So boring and filled with unanimous agreeability by the judging panel, whose new additions suck. They're just annoying and added nothing, I'll have more nuanced whining about Julianne and Gabrielle in the weeks to come. Tyra goes by Terry now? We love you, we support you, we're here for you. ❤️Had to get that lame joke out of the way, but anyway, he was really useless tonight. Tyra didn't really do anything but be attractive (that was enough for me) and put weird emphasis on certain words/phrases, ex. "your AY-GEE-TEE JUH-GEZ", which I liked, halo effect aside. I didn't think she was the worst choice for a host, although Nick was fantastic. Terry's main involvement was saying "wow!" to the camera while someone was auditioning. Hopefully he's not getting paid per word.
  5. Neet

    S17.E19: Season Finale (2019.05.19)

    I wonder this all the time, he has the same laugh pattern (like four or five "ha"s) in the same volume, no matter what is being said around him. Maybe the chuckles count as part of his required word quota as a judge, since he doesn't offer anything else. If he's laughing at a live feed of Lee Dewyze's career trajectory, that would make more sense.
  6. Neet

    S17.E19: Season Finale (2019.05.19)

    Finales of these talent shows are usually the absolute low point of entertainment. Especially now, it's like they're stingy with not doing results shows and cutting down the number of contestants as fast as possible, only to painfully drag it out at the last moment. Lionel - Dancing On The Ceiling - All the choreography taking place on the floor made it evident that he's too old to defy gravity like back in the day, but it was a decent opening number and he has enough energy/charisma when performing to not make it sound like a pathetic throwback like other acts who mumble like they have dementia. It looked like a bunch of the top 10 singing along weren't singing in sync with Lionel at all. Laine - Take Me Home - Was this supposed to be begging the audience to not vote for him so he'd come in third place? What a humble young man. Katy told him he'll be one of the biggest stars in the world, which is so far from reality. I think his (un-danced on) ceiling is being just another country singer, which isn't the worst that could happen, given how inclusive that genre is. Madison - Shallow *edited, misspelled the title - I forgot the performance as soon as it was over, and possibly halfway through. Does 90 seconds count as a power nap? Alejandro - Millennial Love - The only lyrics I could make out were words that sounded applicable to any generation, and then the chorus repeated 50 times. Funny how he said the song was about the youth being too attached to their phones right before Ryan reminded everyone to keep voting for him via the app. Laine's homecoming - When he was with the governor, it looked like the camera was zoomed in to conceal the small crowd there to see him. Of course, the parade is where everyone was going to be anyway, and the turnout was pretty good. You have to wonder where all of these people's support disappears to when the credits roll, since the parade confetti was probably made up of shredded liner notes from Trent Harmon's album. Laine - Jambalaya and the Bayou - I thought it was a great song for his voice, and if the viewers didn't already have a favorite contestant locked down, singing a song with so many hick-ish words could alienate non-fans of his. Maddie Poppe - This "singer-songwriter" didn't perform tonight and openly said she barely wrote any of her new single, so maybe she needs to come up with a new genre/description for herself. Caleb was mentioned but not shown on camera, perhaps because of intoxication from all of the bars he's stuck touring. I actually like him and his music, it's just funny to pick at these "stars" for not living up to the unfair expectations the judges set for them. Madison's homecoming - Any time a teen is in the finale and they return to their high school, I always wonder if the 100% support shown on camera and cobbled together in editing is really how the other students feel about them, since high schoolers love to hate people for no reason. Then again, a lot of viewers seem to feel pride over contestants living in the same massively populated state as themselves, so it's possible. Madison - Breakaway - The first half of the performance felt like a cool-down performance during a concert where the singer catches their breath and high fives the audience, and then it segued into the usual belting. I turn my back to most of her performances enough to forget that this isn't The Voice. Alejandro's homecoming - Ben Harper gifted him a guitar that he played earlier in the night and never touched again, even though his last song used a guitar. Another takeaway was that Alejandro's nephew has every annoying visual trait of that "I'm an artist" stereotype with the huge hat on a cloudy day, distressed pants and the thickest Sharpie glasses. Alejandro - Tonight - Pretty good. I've come around to liking him again in the past week or two after several weeks of hatred, which makes me think I'll be buy-polar in terms of supporting his future career, hyuk. Katy said that Idol is no longer regarded as a karaoke show, but a platform for original music. Well, that holds true for just him, and it seems like there have been several talent shows about only original music and they all flopped. Carrie Underwood - Southbound - This is an apt title for what will probably be the lowest rated Idol finale ever, but anyway, she really blew the other contestants away and showed them how it's done. Obviously, she's had over a decade of additional performing under her belt, so it's not a fair comparison, but she and Adam really make everyone else look like schmucks. Madison eliminated - Too easy to predict this happening. Alejandro looked rather morose that he was getting closer to being stuck with the limiting American Idol winner's contract. I wonder if him coming in third place would have boosted his popularity any more, if his fans called BS and supported him even harder for it. Montell Jordan - This Is How We Do It - Way better than anticipated, since a lot of these meme-tier songs have rather poor vocals, but this was pretty slick. That group of dancers dressed like Katy was embarrassing and Margie Mays' one line was delivered kind of harshly. Katy Perry, Daddy Yankee - Con Calma - Katy wearing that 20 pound wig really made it clear how much she regrets cutting her hair short. It was a pretty good performance (albeit, taped); I tend to forget that she can sing due to how annoying she is outside of that. Alejandro - 10 Years - Apparently, the orchestra behind him was his duet partner. That's pretty lame, I didn't even hear anyone clarify it, but attention does tend to wander when sitting through this show too long. Pretty nice sounding song with the orchestra backing him, though. There was an end shot of Luke with his arm around Lionel, probably enjoying some bonding time without Katy around to scream and ruin the mood. Adam Lambert - New Eyes - Good song, nice to hear his vocals dialed back a bit for once and not quite as theatrical. Adam Lambert & Dimitrius - Bohemian Rhapsody - Dimitrius held his own, IMO. Dan + Shay - All To Myself - It's a bit confusing how they're singing about a straight, monogamous relationship with a woman when they're both singing to her and their group name is stylized like a gay wedding registry. Also, didn't they sing this on Idol like 3 weeks ago? Madison came on to sing a few pity notes, it seemed like a consolation prize for getting eliminated. Luke Bryan - Knockin' Boots - Get ready to check off your list on your scavenger hunt of country stereotypes, but not too many because he's got a whole album to fill with them all. I liked the song, but it's funny how much the same topics are recycled. Luke, Laci - Every Breath You Take - Weird duet choice, but it was decent enough. I haven't read any other posts yet, but any time this song is covered on a talent show, some people clutch their pearls about it because of the lyrical content. Almost none of the contestants have connected to the words of any song this season, so they should be excused. Jon Pardi, Laine - Dirt On My Boots, Night Shift - More lyrics about small towns, trucks, cowboy boots, etc.. but it was a good pairing and rather entertaining. Katy, Jeremiah - Unconditionally - Quite good, nothing else to say. Weezer + top...10? - Ryan announces that they just released their Black album before saying they're going to perform songs from the previous album of theirs, which was a cover album that was received poorly, so what was the point of that. A slew of 30 second crappy performances. Kane Brown - Good As You, then w/ Alyssa Raghu - Middle Of Nowhere - I don't get this guy's appeal, it sounds about the same as other country acts in terms of skill or the songs being catchy. I also hate his face, which is a pointless addition to this critique. Alyssa's voice overpowered his and was better to listen to. edit - Shayyy and Andra Day - Rise Up - I forgot about this performance, and still forget it now that I remembered to bring it up. I only recall Andra hardly sounding any better than Shayy, giving new meaning to "blind leading the blind". Alejandro & Laine get to take a guest on a Disney cruise, despite them each having two guests with them when being told about it. I guess the additional money went to Katy Perry's salary for her unwanted improv hour. Kool and The Gang - You can probably count the number of current KATG listeners in the building on one hand, but it was pretty good. Uche was in his element when the contestants were brought in to sing. It sure was great he got eliminated in favor of keeping Walker Burroughs, right? Laine - Bring It On Home - Yeah, bring it on home, indeed. This show felt like it was 10 hours long. Good performance muddled by him speeding it up toward the end, but it seems like he's shed the corniness factor that plagued him for most of the season. Alejandro - Out Loud - A lot of his original songs sound similar enough to make me think that he's rotated through the same 3 songs all season, but this was great. I don't know why my compliments sound so passive aggressive. Also funny how this is called "Out Loud" and he retained the same 5 decibel volume. Perhaps this is a long-term strategy he adopted after listening to Wade's chimney tone. Laine wins, and hopefully nobody was surprised at such an obvious victory. Alejandro is probably quite happy to not be tied down with ABC. Laine's song "Flame" sounded unremarkable and doesn't bode well for him receiving the Phillip Phillips treatment of the song catching on as a theme for any big event. I expect Ca-Pub Lee Hutchinson levels of fame for Laine, which mostly boils down to wondering a year from now "what the heck is he doing these days?" as his album is ever-delayed into the future. It will be interesting to see if Alejandro indeed turns out to be a star or the usual over-promise, under-deliver, but he at least has a shot. Thankfully, America's Got Talent is coming up soon, and that show is a lot more fun to complain about on here since so much of it is detestable. Watching TV shows for the sake of enjoyment and not to be infuriated at them sounds like a foreign concept.
  7. Neet

    S17.E18: Top 5 (2019.05.12)

    Like an old Chinese proverb, if there aren't expectations, can one be disappointed? Really not a good semifinal. Bobby Bones picks: Wade - You Are The Best Thing - I don't get how Wade was exactly stepping out of his comfort zone with this song, since it sounds like pretty much anything else he'd sing. His initial pessimism about the song choice (saying he already did a Ray Lamontagne song) may be giving the sleepy viewing audience a little too much credit, as I forget pretty much everything week to week due to so few performances standing out. It was alright, I guess, but any song Wade picks is rather formulaic, so that's more of a description than a critique. On a side note, it's interesting how Ryan, Bobby Bones, or the judges ask "why not Wade?" and the crowd makes too much noise for anyone to interject with the numerous logical reasons why not. Laci - The House That Built Me - "Downtrodden 23 year old widow" seems to be her wheelhouse and it has a certain appeal, although I admit that her appearance makes up a slice of my fandom. Though I don't really care about it, it looked like she plumped her upper lip up a ton to try and hide her exposed gums, which kind of worked if that's what she was going for. If voters found her to be getting 'long in the tooth' (ha), Lionel telling her to keep being herself sounds like less than suitable advice, although ruining her own vocal cords for the next song to try and steal Wade's audience probably wouldn't have been a wise move, either. Bobby told her to learn the song on guitar, and then she never played during the performance. Maybe it would've been pointed out by the judges, had this season's panel not become reduced to lame jokes and three word "you will win" soundbites. Alejandro - No Woman, No Cry - No crying or other emotions were present in his rendition, it was lame. I think Bob Marley is overrated as hell and a lot of his fanbase is comprised of teenagers looking to deify smoking weed. Alejandro keeps choosing songs that show his overall lack of range and emotion, and it's a bit tiresome to have it framed as "intimacy", like an artistic choice, when the rest of his personality comes off as similarly avoidant. I hate how he talks like "bro" / "chill" / "dude", etc.. while simultaneously being shy as hell, it really seems like a false dichotomy since that lingo seems like the domain of outgoing people. Despite conveying that like I'm a cliquey high-schooler, hopefully someone else knows what I'm trying to say. Laine - If he were 20 years deep into his career, calling it effortless would sound like a compliment, but he really doesn't put much into a lot of his performances. There's no strain when singing - although his style is supposed to be easy-going, it just looks like rehearsal for the real show. If all of his songs are going to sound like this, he may end up coming off as passionless. Madison - What About Us - She has quite the problem with not connecting until the end of the song, which is a good thing for those who think the show's too long and tune out until the last 20 seconds of her songs. She's the best singer of the five and yet the most boring, even compared to Wade, whose mass may be conflated with stage presence, but she's so forgettable. Her smiling all the time makes her look really weak, too. Especially when doing such powerful songs. Elton John songs: Wade - Rocket Man - Apparently, him wearing those bedazzled glasses equated to him "finally bringing out his personality", according to Katy. At least it was the only time he's ever been a spectacle to watch. Wade's menthol voice was in full effect, I don't know if it's possible to say that he ruined what was already an affected voice, but it was terrible. Laci - Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting - This was a pleasant change of genre/style for her, I would've thought she had seasonal affective disorder until tonight, had they not already been in Los Angeles for the past few months. I think the original song is rather hokey, and her version was superior. However, I've never wanted to court Elton John, despite his massive wealth and notoriety, so there's that. I wish she would've showed off more of this energetic side before getting eliminated, though it's not like I could say doing so would've made her last longer. Alejandro - Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word - Well, he pronounced "sorry" quite effortlessly, so I assume that was the main part he was working on during rehearsal last week. This was a step up from his first performance, albeit just as whispered as most of his others. That's the point of the song, so I'm not as annoyed as usual. Madison - Your Song - I think it was a little unfair for Elton to write Madison an original song to perform tonight, but generous. (stupid joke) Listening for a second time, this was a pretty pleasant rendition except for her screeching towards the end. Laine - Something About The Way You Look Tonight - This was much better than his first song, although part of that is just due to preferring this song more. I hate how he performed this one like a mayor giving a speech to the press rather than an entertainer, there was zero feeling in this despite the decent vocals. Hero tributes: I would've thought someone would do the obvious choice of Enrique Iglesias' "Hero", although Wade telling his stepdad he'd "kiss away the pain" would probably dissuade voters. Wade - Hard Luck Woman - His best performance of the three, and a relevant song choice to who he's singing to. (well, his Mom anyway) There must be an abundance of lozenges in that claw machine backstage, as his voice was cleaned up in comparison to the last song. I doubt he won many new fans over with this, but I liked the performance. Laci - Dreams - Really great performance, IMO. She's more comfortable behind a guitar, evidently, and it was good to see her come back to this type of song (although they're hit or miss with her). Unfortunately, this felt like it was only about 40 seconds long. I'll probably replay this enough times to pretend like she just released a full length EP - which would be nice if she could do so for real while still fresh in viewers' minds as opposed to the usual "remember me?" routine from the past several winners. I wondered why the studio's janitor got a full credit and photo on the album cover before remembering that Nick Fradiani had won the show. On a side note, to the surprise of few, this song as well as many others on these talent shows comes from Fleetwood Mac's Rumours album. It's kind of eyerolling to keep pretending that Stevie Nicks' career has spanned several decades when much of it is endlessly retreading this album inter-spliced with several subsequent duds. Madison - Make You Feel My Love - Her belting notes are pretty irritating to me, even though this song was rather devoid of them except possibly one. Regardless, I tried to give it another chance and was just bored as the first time. Laine - Hey Jude - His brother's name is Bubba, did he forget that? Fame has already gotten to his head. Anyway, probably the best song of the three he did, but a lot of the magic gets lost when the performances are so short. I know it's a lyric of the song, but him going "nuh nuh, na-na-na, nuh" while walking around the stage sans-guitar playing made it look like he forgot how to do anything. At least his casual performing style looked natural during this song. Alejandro - Blesser - Probably the best of the night, which may sound like more of a booby prize considering this year's top five, but it was quite good. I guess it shouldn't have been that surprising that Alejandro's guitar skills were easily transferable to the piano as well, but he's so talented at playing instruments that his singing seems like a total afterthought. All the way to this round of the competition and I don't think he's shown another side of himself while singing other than being in a trial group for new antidepressants. He's more diverse than Laine and Wade, although he is just as firmly rooted in his one sound as they are, if that makes sense. Why can't he do something different, just once? I liked the performance quite a bit, but what he does really comes off like something that gets undue acclaim while on the show and then the audience for it "surprisingly" tapers off when the season is over. The top three was easy to predict, although I would've swapped Madison out for Laci in a country heartbeat. (AKA a regular heartbeat) Laine seems like he's getting prepped for the most undeserving win in the history of the show next week. + Katy almost pulled back on the lame comedy routine this week, but she had to do that fake shouting a few times, that was painful. - Hopefully Bobby Bones wasn't shocked that he'd actually have to do something to earn his wage this week. - I forget which song it was, and I'm pretty sure it was said towards Alejandro. Did one of the judges congratulate him for starting to give a shit at this point of the competition? They said something like that, as if it was amazing he decided to put forth some effort. The bar has never been this low. (not talking about Laine's future venues, unless Caleb is taking them all) - Lionel is really overdoing that line about contestants being in his closet. Especially with the sequin jackets, even though those are more associated with Elton John's closet. If that's Lionel's extremely veiled way of coming out, we won't judge. ❤️ Neither does he, apparently, as none of the judges say anything helpful....EVER.
  8. I thought you were confused but I was the one confused, Caleb Johnson was from 2014 and I thought you were talking about Caleb Lee Hutchinson. Really don't know why I confused the two. Yeah, Johnson was a great singer. His style/presentation was very dated, though. I can't see how he would've really caught on with the fanbase demo that labels want to recruit.
  9. There's a similar flu bug going around every May with AGT. It's a weird dichotomy of wanting to chuck the remote at the TV for 3/4 of the show while still making sure it has #1 priority on the DVR every week. Caleb didn't win Idol, he came in 2nd place, although one might think him and Maddie are a package deal. I believe Caleb has a coast(er) to coast(er) tour at innumerable bars and pubs in his future, since his style isn't current at all. However, country music seems to welcome everybody no matter how clogged and formulaic much of the genre already is. [edit - wrong Caleb, I'll leave the post up anyway since there's nowhere else to mention Hutchinson's post-show flopping]
  10. Not the best themes this week, and overall a disappointing episode. It's a bit funny to have expectations anymore, as the season lost its footing about a month ago. It just seems like the top 6 should be better. Madison - Piece Of My Heart - That guitar she was holding doesn't compare to the pointless extra weight that Wade is carrying around (hoho), but there was no reason for her to be playing it. I don't understand why the judges go crazy for anyone deciding to play a guitar, as if it adds anything or brings any edge to their performance to only play power chords that are drowned out by the band anyways. Her belting out notes doesn't automatically create a better sounding rendition, they're just fluff. Also, I don't think she's connecting to the songs any further than she was before. Laine - I Don't Need No Doctor - It was pretty decent, but there's a likely disconnect between his "wearing my Uncle's old leather jacket" jukebox karaoke getting some lighthearted cheer on American Idol and actually moving records - or, streams, rather, by creating original music in this niche. At the very least, it's not as immature compared to previous weeks. He could do alright if the feeling of corniness was stripped away from the gimmick, however that's possible. Jeremiah - Swing Low, Sweet Chariot - Why's it so hard to remember his performances the second he's finished singing? His lack of connection with what he's singing despite the great vocals makes me think he's like how certain people with autism are savants in specialized areas but don't convey passion very well. Laci - To Love Somebody - So freakin' boring. Just because she's "not a belter", does not give her an excuse for singing with such little volume. Between this and the Walker/Alejandro duet last week, is Idol's age demographic skewing towards 65+ and they just expect everyone to max out the volume on their TV to hear anything? Alejandro - White Rabbit - Seeing as everyone was decked out in sequin jackets, surely they could have also requested for cool visuals like Alejandro got with this. It helped his performance a lot, and the arrangement was interesting as well. He could have feigned a leg injury for sympathy votes with how he uses his guitar as a crutch, as noted with his intense strain when trying to """belt""" his falsetto a few decibels higher. Anyway, it was still pretty good. Wade - A Little Help From My Friends - The obvious choice to fit his (affected) singing voice. Much like several of his other picks in the past, this runs the risk of coming off as too karaoke or low effort, but he did a fairly good job at it. I'm not much of a fan of his, but for the style he's using, it worked. __ Gabby Barrett - I Hope - 4.2 million on YouTube, 3.4 million on Spotify, and Apple Music doesn't disclose play counts, so we're probably supposed to assume the other 12.4 million plays are from that. (unless Cade is looping the song on his stereo 24/7/365 in support) Her voice sounded a lot better than I remember it being, considering some of her final performances last year were total trash. Overall, the song was fairly catchy and a believable hit. Maddie Poppe also has put out a few entertaining songs since winning, so it's only Caleb Lee(ch) Hutchinson of the three who has yet to prove himself. __ Madison - I Surrender - More of the same rote styling she gives during every other performance, quite boring despite the good vocals. I can't believe I used to look forward to seeing her sing, I don't get the appeal anymore. Alejandro - Poison - It sounded as if this original song had about 10 different words and the same guitar solo he gives, and would probably shoehorn into an acapella song if he could. I liked the performance, but also wonder if it was somewhat carried by the visuals behind him and being able to sing on that isolated podium, both of which made him stand out. He must have grown up rehearsing in libraries to employ his usual lack of volume, unless I'm in dire need of a hearing aid after such a repetitive complaint. The song was alright, but someone must be employed to put tacks on the judges' chairs, since they stand up for everything and anything this season and hail everyone as a headliner several times an evening. Laci - Open Arms - Katy calling her multidimensional was a stretch, unless she meant boring, dull, and drab. The southern states voting so heavily for their own is the same reason for Scotty McCreery winning in 2011, as Laci has not shown a shred of personality for much of the season and emotes very little when singing. She is reasonably attractive, though, so there's that. Jeremiah - Somewhere - The two performances of his I've liked (an original, and his Elton John cover) are surrounded by a chain link fence, with both of tonight's and pretty much everything else he's ever done on the other side. I had a religious experience during this performance, for my body was on the couch, but my attention and soul were clearly elsewhere. Wade - Through The Valley - Somewhat of a gem compared to everything else he's sung, as a lot of it sounds like a joke or like he's inviting the crowd to a campfire singalong. One of the better songs of the night for me. Laine - Johnny B. Goode - A clear step up from earlier performances and his first one of the night, and nowhere near as much of a cliche feeling. I'd really like to hear him sing original songs to get an inclination as to what he'll do when this show's over (unless performing in bars is his end goal), and to compare him with Alejandro. It's pretty irritating that nobody puts enough of their own spin on songs or does originals (aside from one-offs) like Alejandro, so contrasting them all isn't really fair. Good[e] end for the show. __ It wasn't surprising to see Jeremiah leave, since I didn't think many people were connected to him and he didn't seem connected while performing, usually having that "did I leave the stove on?" look on his face. I did kind of think he'd be saved over Laci until remembering the gender balance would be quite off if she didn't stay. They probably want a male winner this year, but still. Laci's saved, and will probably be on the chopping block next week unless she does anything different, ie. good. Wade's dumbfounded to make it through again, showing that rockstar confidence everyone at home is in awe of. Perhaps his repentant father is going door to door and campaigning/threatening people to vote for him, who knows. - Bobby Bones is really showing no usefulness this season, unless the editing is done very poorly. He comes across as more of a chatty waterboy to the football team than having any sort of leadership role. - Katy Perry is still annoying and extremely lacking in humor. It's rather amazing to see her strike out with pretty much every joke she has, although mostly just infuriating.
  11. Neet

    S17.E16 : Top 8

    One of the weakest episodes of the season so far IMO, even though the season as a whole has been on a steady decline since Hawaii. I guess I get the hype about Adam Lambert, since he's one of the best (if not, the best) singers Idol's ever had and he's gone on to great success in the years following, but I never clamor for him to keep coming back to the show. Once he's there, it's just like, "whatever". At least his mentorship actually made sense and meant something, in contrast to Rebel Wilson's barely apparent music career...and evidently, comedic talent as well. Walker - I can't stand his little IRL Harry Potter nerd shtick, his predominant fanbase must be made up of the extreme ends of the spectrum; that being 10 year old girls and 75 year old women who want him as a grandson. Not an insult, but I suspect he could be gay, and Idol doesn't want to mention it since they already have Jeremiah with that as part of his story. (the whole story, to be specific) Similar to how Cade and Gabby were the it-couple during last year's season and Caleb/Maddie didn't want to take their spotlight by announcing their own relationship. Anyway, the song he did had the usual rhythm of "what a way to get the crowd moving!" that most opening numbers have, usually sacrificing vocal chops in favor of getting everyone's toes tapping. It can result in a very diluted performance just to structure the show better. At least he took Adam's advice of moving around the stage, regardless of how stilted and awkward it appeared. The situations aren't exactly the same, but how was Eddie Island being quirky something to rectify (which I don't disagree with) and Walker looking like a dweeb doing jazz hands through every song simply "who he is"? Madison - The focal point of her video package was about putting emphasis on the meaning of the lyrics she's singing via stomping her feet or doubling over while belting to show difficulty, etc.. and then she goes and does the entire song while smiling. That was enough to ruin it for me, I think almost every performance she'd had in the past several weeks has been pageant-like in a different flavor than what Riley was doing. Laci/Laine duet - Laine sounded near inaudible, he could've been impersonating Elvis dancing the entire time Laci was singing and it wouldn't have made much of a difference. It was fine, otherwise. Jeremiah - I liked a lot of his previous performances, this one was just okay. The vocals were great, but it didn't really feel like he was connected to the song until the end. He looked spaced out. Alejandro - This guy has been riding the coattails of his first two performances for the rest of the competition. My fandom fell off a cliff when it was apparent he was doing to be doing kicked in the balls sounding whispers for every future performance and become over-reliant on playing guitar. A lot of songs that get rearranged on Idol sound terrible. It's one thing to do a song as-is and come off as karaoke, and it's another to "make it your own" in an unintelligible manner that stifles the charm of the original. Alyssa/Wade duet - Nothing to say, really. Serviceable performance at worst. Madison/Jeremiah duet - It was good, but again, there's not much to say because the duets feel like filler on a show that already doesn't have enough episodes for a growth arc to take places and is rushing toward the finale before the audience remembers everyone's names. Laine - This guy constantly comes off as a joke, but unlike Eddie or Walker, it's apparently supposed to be played straight. Most of his song choices sound like they'd belong on a compilation album of music to play beer pong to, so it's hard to picture him as a serious artist. The song choice sucked, but his ability to work the crowd was good. Vocally, not that great, but Lionel claims that singing doesn't matter so often, we may have to look forward to the show being based on lip syncing and pantomiming in the future. Live action Arthur Read - Never heard of this "viral sensation", but the term viral is misused so often these days, I wouldn't be surprised if that's severely overblown. He butchered quite a lot of Bohemian Rhapsody for how condensed it was. Laci - I'm trying to be a fan of hers, mostly because despite enjoying the season overall (regardless of complaining about everyone tonight), I don't know who to root for. She seems to have a sizeable fanbase, although she doesn't reveal much about herself in terms of personality and her voice can be rather hard to hear. A lot of her performances make her out to be portraying a downtrodden country wife of yesteryear (like Lurleen Lumpkin from The Simpsons), which isn't meant to be an insult or compliment, it's one of the only characteristics that comes across to me when watching her. I've seen a lot of people poking fun at her exposed gums, but I don't think they're that bad since her teeth don't look horse-like. What I always notice is how wide open yet dead her eyes appear, it makes me think she's an AI program that communicates via blinking. Maybe that's why I feel she can at times say a lot while singing, but not demonstrating any of the emotion through body language. Her performance was alright, though. Alejandro and Walker duet - Total trash. Was this a technical issue or were they supposed to be whispering at 5 decibels and sounding like they were playing a game of telephone? If I didn't know the song already, I wouldn't have been able to make out what they were saying at all. Perhaps they're catering to Lionel's whims and trying to project such little volume, they no longer qualify as singers. Alejandro already sings like he has emphysema, but why was Walker matching his lack of volume? Wade - He apparently missed a lyric, but I didn't notice because I wasn't paying attention. Perfect karaoke song for his pack-a-day affected voice, really nothing to see or hear again. Alyssa - How did she need to be told it was alright to act like a diva? She already does that. As usual, she didn't come across as connecting with the song and was utterly forgettable. Lionel and Luke's critiques sounded like they were preparing her for elimination right after singing. Is Wade's abusive father making it up to him by voting a million times with several thousand burner phones scattered around his house? I don't get how he keeps making it through to the next week and what demographic could possibly be voting for him. Aside from the fake voice, he's not really that charming or personable unless he's in a comparison with Dimitrius the statue. Alyssa probably deserved to go home, and Walker wasn't exactly a hard sell on leaving, either. The season is so short, I'm really not attached to any of them anymore. Also, Katy continues to drag down the show even more with her incredibly unfunny attention-whoring antics. Lionel seems fed up with her shit these days.
  12. "Mom, please don't (voluntarily) leave me!" "I'm sorry, golden child, but I have to (and you can come)" Status update of the week in her pre-performance video packages: "her son is still alive and not reduced to a ball of tears because she's been gone for a few weeks" That was one of the dumbest sob stories they've tried to pull.
  13. Was KISS ever a "cool" band or have they always been "that thing my Dad likes", even 40 years ago? I initially thought they were tarnishing some of their "cred" by appearing on a talent show such as this, but they've been on Idol as well. I forgot to say that Courtney's performance was a total blur of screams, yelps, "I stepped on a nail" bellows, etc.. I was thinking "damn, that singer from The Black Crows looks great for his age" before finding out it was some newer band. Shame on me for thinking they got another semi-big name for this. Bebe Rexha can occasionally sound like she has a decent singing voice, but she was barely singing tonight. Maybe she was trying to give the spotlight to Glennis, but IMO her voice (Glennis) was way too overbearing and harsh for the song being sung. Damn, Heidi really is annoying, isn't she. Hopefully I'm not one of the few who think this way, but I've got to wonder what quality she actually brings to the show when she's not funny in any measure, intelligent, articulate, or critical. Mel B's standup was another stupid time filler; I hoped she had actually prepared a comedy routine, but that would imply effort went into that segment. On a side note, why do so many women think animal themed onesies are cute to wear? (also, Tyra 'Is-Hot' Banks is usually dressed pretty well IMO and catches a lot of flack here, which I don't get) Daniel and the other opera singer did good, though I find it hard to differentiate opera songs from each other, so I'll just say their incomprehensible moans were pleasant to hear. Wow, the night and day difference between David Spade and the comedians this season was incredible. Of course, there's no shame in not being as good as a 20+ year veteran and celebrity, but his delivery was great. He was so lackadaisical while talking, but it worked. While the material wasn't epic or anything - wow, actual jokes! It's funny how Vicki had no part in the jokes apart from setting up his punchlines, which is about where she belongs. Garth Brooks probably had that song stashed away for months or years and they portrayed it like his sole mission for the previous few weeks was to craft Michael the perfect sonnet in his bunk with an old lantern as his only illumination. Simon's biggest successes over the recent years have been with assembling groups of teenage/early 20s pop singers, so I don't understand his devotion to Michael Ketterer unless the public is supposed to "have faith" that there are 3 other heartthrob deities dancing with him on the stage. Garth's song was probably the best he's sounded all season, though. If it was like Idol where they did a coronation song on the last voting night, he possibly could have won or at least gone farther than fifth. What makes more sense than putting together two hosts (?) of a show called American Ninja Warrior and have them sit at a table watching a card trick? Dramatic flair and the epic buildup does indeed reveal that yes, HIS CARD was THE CARD. It was a good trick, but at some point, what do you have to expect the result to be every time? Lindsey Stirling and Brian were pretty good. This show tends to throw in a danger act to the mix when music acts are performing on the finale, just to make sure everyone gets to do something, but it was kind of a poor fit and was like kids yelling at their parents "watch me dive!" at the pool. Somehow, watching the violinists move their arms was more entertaining. Zucaroh was nothing special, I don't get the love. Dancers who do similar moves in groups of 6 never make it this far and are always told they have to step it up, yet Zucaroh does the same group choreography set to Lion King-esque jungle music and grunting are told they're inspirational. It wasn't exactly going out on a limb to say Shin had a foot in the race all the way to the finals, nor was the deck stacked against him to win. (many bad puns) I already thought he was going to win, though Zucaroh getting that far was a surprise. As far as finales go, this one felt like a bingo hall show. Same with the whole season, it was one of the worst I've ever seen. With that said, let the countdown to the Winter special begin! (I can't remember what it's called, which must reveal how low my enthusiasm really is) Edit: I said "20+ year veteran and celebrity" about David Spade, forgetting that Vicki is supposedly 20+ years into her career. Jesus! (not you, Michael)
  14. Neet

    S13.E21: Live Show Finals (Tuesday's Show)

    Brian King Joseph - How exactly was this a big step up from last week, as Simon said? He reacts to fire like a caveman going "ooga booga" at the flames, and there wasn't any of that this week. Not knocking the performance, I just didn't think it was better than last time. (very good, though) On another note, everyone's saying the opening spot of the night is the 'death spot'. I thought it was the 2nd performance of the night that was the worst one to be in? That's what I recall from American Idol, anyway. Heidi didn't even correct herself when she flubbed his name, so she likely doesn't know it. What a world class judging panel. Daniel Emmet - I don't even remember the boxing theme, nor which song he performed because I didn't fervently use Duo Lingo or Rosetta Stone in real time to translate what he was saying. He's like a paid seat filler at events, only there to take up a slot and pretend he has a chance. Vicki Barbolak - Besides the usual "trailer trash" self-observations, she went for another easy laugh with the same trick of "I'm gross", which is more like presenting a fact than being funny. Stripping down to a bathing suit wasn't entertaining aside from seeing how I could maneuver my eyeballs in such a way to avoid her body and still be watching the TV. This was by far her worst performance, which is not a dramatic statement considering how mediocre she's always been. Why does Howie guffaw at everything? Is it supposed to be some psychological manipulation to the audience, as if to say "this man knows comedy, and if he's laughing, he's seeing the intricacies of the routine that you may not be able to! So laugh, damn it". Either that or it's because he's a man who obtained fame by speaking in a high pitched voice for most of his career, his standards aren't as high as you'd think. Anyway, I don't think her routine flowed well at all, shitty jokes aside. Juxtaposing "trailer NASTY" with bursting in tears after every performance is also stupid, way to commit to a gimmick. Glennis Grace - I zone out through each and every one of her performances. Why are they making it such a point to focus on her son like he's heir to the throne or something? He's not even sick, whereas half of the finalists have some sort of ailment; almost to the point where purposely quarantined rounds of the show make more sense than voting results influencing anything. Zurcaroh - I really don't get why the world is in tears at this act, it's yet another one of those large troupes with the "life is bootiful <3" trope plaguing every performance to the point of pretentiousness. Also, they get points for numbers, as some of the tricks they do are not spectacular on their own until they're done in unison by 40 people. They're vaguely reminiscent of Dance Moms or whatever that show is called, I keep expecting Abbey Lee to take a bow on stage with the other coordinator. Samuel J. Comroe - I didn't really laugh at any of the jokes, but could at least see why others would. He is a hell of a lot more likeable than Vicki, that's for sure. Courtney Hadwin - If she doesn't want to be a clone of Janis Joplin and other such singers, why does she do soulless karaoke of them every week? Shin Lim - I've finally become kind of sick of him, as he does the same types of card tricks over and over. "Is this your card?" Yes OMG!" gets quite repetitive, though he did change it up with the special effects, which my grumpy ass wasn't a fan of either because it hardly looked like a magic trick as opposed to VFX work. I could just see the guy from Front Pictures thanklessly putting together that last part of the act. Also, why does it seem like Tyra successfully acts cute and the other supposed 'bombshell' Heidi is always annoying? A lot of people here seem to hate Tyra, so I don't really expect an answer. Duo Transcend - The number of tricks that can be done on a bar is evidently limited, as this thing is a snooze regardless of the actual talent behind it. It would probably be a lot more interesting to watch live, but there's kind of a barrier to being able to enjoy gymnastic stuff on TV. The guy looks like the perfect portrayal of a jock bully, (or a roided up Alex Pall of The Chainsmokers) and always seems like he's planning to strong-arm someone's lunch money when talking. Michael Ketterer - "Michael, are you there? It's me, God". His actual performance was lame, I think changing the melody of songs almost never works for these talent shows. Simon was probably squeezing his head like a sponge trying to work up some moisture in his eyes for the hard sell to the voting audience. I think Shin is more likely to win than Michael or Courtney just because there's actual talent in what he does, regardless of the infomercial-like hype the other two receive.
  15. Neet

    S13.E20: Live Results 5 (Wednesday's Show)

    - Vicki making it through is great because I get masochistic enjoyment from cringing at her unfunny performances. If Samuel Conroe can tell another decent joke or two (the jury is out on that one), it should further expose Vicki as talentless. - That weekly time filler comedy sketch of "which judge is going to act stupid?" is such a drag. Howie acting like a contestant or Simon feigning laughter during that Tyra dating routine weren't good either. My thumb wants to be ever-affixed over top the PVR remote's FF button like the sword of Damocles throughout any of these tiresome segments, but like Vicki, I watch the whole thing just to absorb the second hand embarrassment. Heidi never comes across as funny or likeable to me, so her many attempts to charm people always seem lame. Same goes for Mel B and her foghorn voice, but nobody really appears to like her anyway. - Daniel doesn't seem to have any fans; is there evidence of a single person ever placing a vote for him during the whole season? I don't mind him, but he's never made it through a round based off of merit instead of pity, making him out to be like a fly in your house who can't find the window. - I'm not seeing how Tyra is currently 'fat' like one poster pointed out recently, but she can walk me around the stage on a leash like an Olate Dog if she needs the exercise. I'd bark out voting information to be helpful. Also, I used to hate her erratic manner of speaking (needlessly dramatic, cheerful, the 'street' voice) but am now a fan, as it's kind of a unique presenting style.
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