S09.E07: Where Is My Husband?

[Empress1]

22 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

I also don't understand why this is a problem. She doesn't walk around every day in a wedding dress either. I don't wear makeup every day and usually my hair is down or in a bun. I had a lot of makeup and a fairly elaborate updo for my wedding. Why? I wanted to. I think that sort of thing is fun - I just don't want to do it every day. Why can't Amber be low maintenance in her regular life but want a different look for what's supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime occasion (though in her case, I'm guessing this might not be a lifelong marriage)?

Right. A wedding is, generally speaking, a formal occasion. Even if you wear makeup every day, you're most likely not going to wear the same makeup that you wear to work as you wear to your wedding (you may also have to take into account that you're going to be photographed on your wedding day, and that may mean a different kind of makeup application - there's a reason there are professionals for this!). Same with hair - I mean, women don't generally wear veils in their day to day!

If Matt and Amber had met organically, he'd know she doesn't wear makeup and he could take it or leave it. He didn't so his first/baseline impression of her is in full wedding makeup. That's tricky (although I think I read here that he wasn't attracted to her at the wedding, so Amber can't win either way).

[Ohwell]

I don't think Matt was attracted to Amber from the get go, even with makeup.  

Amber looked like a 12 year old who broke into mommy's makeup kit. 

Yeah, I know, poor girl can't win with meanies like me.   

[Lisa418722]

I want an episode with Beth's dogs (sorry, I can't remember their names) and Sandy. 

[Captain Asshat]

48 minutes ago, Retired at last said:

I think the reason that this season is so boring to me is that we already know most of the stories.

Amber and Matt - she will cling and he will continue to be thoughtless and she even may want to stay married, but they will not stay together. 

Big Red and Jamie - they will continue to have Caucasian sexy time until decision day and then they will split. They are too mean and nasty and selfish. I hope he gets the dogs.

Iris and Keith - they will continue to not have sex and Iris' rules for life will continue to have Keith being polite, but they will not make it past D Day. Or past the reunion and they still won't have had sex if they last that long.

Deonna and Greg - they are the only ones who may make progress. If she continues to warm up and let herself have some fun, they actually may be OK. We just don't see that side of her enough and I don't think she was a good pick for the show since she doesn't know how to be in a relationship, much less a marriage.

Amber & Matt: I can totally see your prediction being true. He is pretty self centered and downright awful. His saying, "I'm just used to being like that with my friends" is how you explain to a roommate why you were gone for 24 hours. He either sees her as a roommate, or he wanted to get away from her. Or both. Amber is just overly clingy, which is likely exactly what he doesn't want. I think this match was made when the "experts" were drunk. 

Beth & Jamie: I agree with you here, except for the part about Jamie getting the dogs. They're her dogs, and there's never been any indication that she mistreats them or does anything but love them. She went all "mama bear" on Jamie after he yanked/dragged them on a walk when he was in a bad mood. I would have done the same. Jamie, on the other hand, had no problem taking out his bad mood on the dogs. That's a hard "no" from my camp. 

Iris & Keith: I do not believe the Iris and Keith will make it either, but the issue will be her rules/OCDs, not her virginity. 

Deonna & Greg: I'm rooting for those crazy kids to make it past decision day, and I think they should. I think Greg's all in, and Deonna is truly trying. I may be in the minority, but I thought her compliments for him were sweet and playful. They reminded me a bit of how Mrs. Asshat and I talk to each other, post-shower "smell good," and all. Deonna let Greg take care of her when she was sick. That is HUGE for some people, especially those who have been self-sufficient for years. It's been two weeks, and they've come far. 

[gonecrackers]

8 minutes ago, Captain Asshat said:

I think this match was made when the "experts" were drunk. 

I think the 'experts' drink a lot.

[Alexander Pope]

On 7/25/2019 at 3:06 PM, ChiMama said:

I think -- again -- it was the fact that she was stirring it up on camera. It was obvious (based on Jamie's comments) that they had talked about it privately previously and she aware it was still very painful for him. Then she dredged it up during a filming session. I thought that was the issue -- almost a breaking of trust. Like I share something very intimate and personal with you and now you're trotting it out in front of everyone. Similar, but a different flavor, to Matt getting pissed when Amber discussed income disparities and her willingness to support them on camera. Just because someone has shared something with you doesn't mean they want it shared with everyone, especially when it involves other third parties who have NOT agreed to appear on tv.

It's becoming increasingly clear that Elizabeth is an exhibitionist who is perpetually starved for attention. There is no depth there and nothing seems to be real unless she's performing.  Jamie doesn't seem to really exist independently from her needs and self-image.

[humbleopinion]

BotoxBeth's dogs are named Dharma and Daisy....

 Jamie's cat is No Name until it is revealed on the show.

Edited August 3, 2019 by humbleopinion

[lu1535]

16 hours ago, Captain Asshat said:

Deonna & Greg: I'm rooting for those crazy kids to make it past decision day, and I think they should. I think Greg's all in, and Deonna is truly trying. I may be in the minority, but I thought her compliments for him were sweet and playful. They reminded me a bit of how Mrs. Asshat and I talk to each other, post-shower "smell good," and all. Deonna let Greg take care of her when she was sick. That is HUGE for some people, especially those who have been self-sufficient for years. It's been two weeks, and they've come far. 

Yes. I'm in their camp for sure.

[Scout Finch]

 

 

 

 

2

On 7/25/2019 at 3:34 PM, StatisticalOutlier said:

But might the correlation be religiosity?  I think both of the black women are religious.

.

As for the second conversation, after he came back with flowers, watch the level of beer in his glass.  It's obvious that despite what we are shown, statement X didn't follow statement Y.

.

No, it's more than interesting.  It shows how we shouldn't necessarily believe what they're presenting to us. 

I did something similar on The Bachelor.  For some dumb reason they let the lead wear a huge watch, and with some freeze-framing, it became obvious that the big conversation couldn't have happened the way they showed it because there were huge gaps, and sometimes traveling back in time.

Now, it could be that the editors have done us a favor and distilled a long conversation into its essential truth.  But methinks that might not be the case.

.

Amber is killing me.  I never wear makeup and want to admire others who buck that trend, but she's such a mess.  If she's not going to brush her hair, she needs to get it cut so she doesn't need to, and it doesn't take a fancy high-dollar cut, and it doesn't have to be super short if she prefers some length. 

She's plenty cute without makeup, and her hair, with that little bit of wave in it, would work  for wash-and-go.

.

I think Jamie looks a lot like Steve Coogan, and Greg looks so much like Michael Che (Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live) from some angles that it's distracting.

Thank you!! It's been driving me crazy trying to figure out why he looks so familiar!

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I think Jamie looks a lot like Steve Coogan, and Greg looks so much like Michael Che (Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live) from some angles that it's distracting.

OMG - he totally does! That's why I find myself waiting for the punchline every time he's on screen!

Quote

Deonna let Greg take care of her when she was sick. That is HUGE for some people, especially those who have been self-sufficient for years.

I think she was having gastrointestinal issues and she said something about how most couples don't see each other like that for a long time - and there they are at two weeks. I get it. I got really sick not long after I started dating my (now) husband. He saw me vomiting (and very kindly took care of me) - and I just looked up at him and said "our romance is dead." He laughed and brought me ginger ale.

[Empress1]

23 hours ago, Elizzikra said:

OMG - he totally does! That's why I find myself waiting for the punchline every time he's on screen!

I think she was having gastrointestinal issues and she said something about how most couples don't see each other like that for a long time - and there they are at two weeks. I get it. I got really sick not long after I started dating my (now) husband. He saw me vomiting (and very kindly took care of me) - and I just looked up at him and said "our romance is dead." He laughed and brought me ginger ale.

A woman I know was really nervous on her second date with her now-husband and she got puking-drunk because she wanted to loosen up ... and got too loose. He held her hair back (she has gorgeous wavy wild long hair) and took her home and she told me she was thinking " I'll never hear from him again. I blew it." He called her the next day to see how she was feeling. They've been married 20+ years.

On 8/2/2019 at 3:53 PM, Alexander Pope said:

It's becoming increasingly clear that Elizabeth is an exhibitionist who is perpetually starved for attention. There is no depth there and nothing seems to be real unless she's performing.

Neither she nor Amber strike me as particularly deep people.

[Empress1]

Thought this was funny in light of Iris vs. Keith re: Fridgegate: https://thetakeout.com/my-party-guest-is-helping-himself-to-my-fridge-1837374504

More commenters than not are on Iris's side.

[Brooklynista]

2 hours ago, Empress1 said:

Thought this was funny in light of Iris vs. Keith re: Fridgegate: https://thetakeout.com/my-party-guest-is-helping-himself-to-my-fridge-1837374504

More commenters than not are on Iris's side.

Yeah I have plenty of house parties and I have to be on the side of the weirdo. If you don't see it ASK ME. Dont help yourself to people's stuff.

[RealHousewife]

On 7/25/2019 at 5:59 PM, Cammi said:

Something tells me Elizabeth’s lovers probably didn’t spend too much time trying to articulate their feelings with her or frankly even try to have heartfelt conversations. Her response to Jamie wanting to talk about their relationship seemed crazy immature to me. Most women would kill for a man to initiate relationship conversations! Elizabeth is the kind of girl who gets her freak on and that’s about it. If Jamie were to probe a bit into her past, I doubt he’d find not one deep, meaningful relationship with a man. Who isn’t her father. That girl is straight whacko. She is in a perpetual state of arrested development and should never be paired with a decent man. Jamie, while not my favorite guy, is leagues ahead in maturity. And for goodness sake I wish she’d find someone to do her lip filler correctly! The way she is moving her mouth is very telling of ill placed Juvederm! 

Just because Amber like sports, doesn’t mean she’s a good match for Matt. I’ve known a couple of pro athletes wives and none of them were “sporty” or even all that interested in team sports. They were very feminine, high maintenance, and the opposite of a “tom boy” type. Not every person wants someone that mirrors themselves. It’s obvious Matt isn’t all that into Amber. Dunno his type, but frankly she looks and acts about 16. It’s not even her femininity or lack thereof, it’s the mere fact she seems girlish. Her demeanor and appearance say “girl” not woman. I suspect Matt might prefer a more mature partner. Not that I think he even needs to settle down right now, but I see no chemistry there. 

I understand Jamie getting upset if Elizabeth knowingly brought up a sensitive issue on camera. Maybe it got ugly between his parents, and he didn't want them embarrassed because he decided to do MAFS. I was really put off by how much he put down Elizabeth over and over though. Very unnecessary. He could have responded to her much more kindly. I wasn't thrilled when Elizabeth dogged their sex life either. They play dirty. It did seem like Jamie's comments were more deliberately cruel. 

So right about Amber. I forget, did they say they selected Amber for Matt because she's sporty? A lot of times manly, athletic men are attracted to very feminine women. I'm very feminine (love makeup, dresses, nails always done, prefer watching Real Housewives to sports), and guys don't care too much if we don't share the same interests. Attraction matters more to them than me not being interested in sitting back watching a game and drinking beer. Do many men love it if you don't spend a ton on clothes, hair, and nails and have some similar interests? Of course. But men don't typically want to be with someone who's like one of the guys but has a vagina. 

I know I'm not attracted to men who love pink, wear skinny jeans, love Bravo, and are scared of bugs. I like masculinity.

On 7/25/2019 at 6:50 PM, Ohwell said:

Regarding Lemonadegate:  Keith's friends/brothers will remember Iris's hissy fit and won't want to visit him at their home.  Then what's she going to say when Keith goes to visit them instead?  I know I wouldn't want to set foot in her house again.

If they do stay together, I predict in the coming years that Old Lady Iris will spend her time doing stuff like counting out how many Cheezits Keith should eat and measuring ounces of lemonade for him to drink.

Keep the faith, Keith.  You'll need it. 

Oh my goodness. I was so floored by how rude Iris was. I wouldn't want to ever be a guest in her home either. Did you guys catch her scowl? She was pissed!

I wouldn't help myself to just anyone's fridge. Even if I was surprised by how comfortable someone was helping themselves to my fridge, I would never have responded like that. I want anyone who's a friend of mine (or my S/O's) to feel comfortable in my home. If they're hungry, thirsty, whatever, I want them to know they're truly welcome to whatever I have.

Iris acted as though Keith's friends walked into their bedroom and started going through their drawers. Getting lemonade from the fridge, really?! Iris is probably just stingy. That is a huge turn-off to me, whether you're a man or woman, it's not cute. Generosity and hospitality go a long way. 

Edited September 2, 2019 by RealHousewife

[Lily247]

10 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

I understand Jamie getting upset if Elizabeth knowingly brought up a sensitive issue on camera. Maybe it got ugly between his parents, and he didn't want them embarrassed because he decided to do MAFS. I was really put off by how much he put down Elizabeth over and over though. Very unnecessary. He could have responded to her much more kindly. I wasn't thrilled when Elizabeth dogged their sex life either. They play dirty. It did seem like Jamie's comments were more deliberately cruel. 

So right about Amber. I forget, did they say they selected Amber for Matt because she's sporty? A lot of times manly, athletic men are attracted to very feminine women. I'm very feminine (love makeup, dresses, nails always done, prefer watching Real Housewives to sports), and guys don't care too much if we don't share the same interests. Attraction matters more to them than me not being interested in sitting back watching a game and drinking beer. Do many men love it if you don't spend a ton on clothes, hair, and nails and have some similar interests? Of course. But men don't typically want to be with someone who's like one of the guys but has a vagina. 

I know I'm not attracted to men who love pink, wear skinny jeans, love Bravo, and are scared of bugs. I like masculinity.

Oh my goodness. I was so floored by how rude Iris was. I wouldn't want to ever be a guest in her home either. Did you guys catch her scowl? She was pissed!

I wouldn't help myself to just anyone's fridge. Even if I was surprised by how comfortable someone was helping themselves to my fridge, I would never have responded like that. I want anyone who's a friend of mine (or my S/O's) to feel comfortable in my home. If they're hungry, thirsty, whatever, I want them to know they're truly welcome to whatever I have.

Iris acted as though Keith's friends walked into their bedroom and started going through their drawers. Getting lemonade from the fridge, really?! Iris is probably just stingy. That is a huge turn-off to me, whether you're a man or woman, it's not cute. Generosity and hospitality goes a long way. 

Yep. And, even as unmotivated as Matt seems, his sexual market value is still higher than Amber's, and he knows it. I also predicted that Matt wouldnt dig her tomboy ways. And, I get vibes that she doesnt like to hang out with females. I noticed on the episode where the brides met for the first time she very visibly scowled at Beth for wearing a red dress . And obviously, her best friend is a guy. 

I thought it interesting that she mocked his lack of money on Unfiltered but seemed to have absolutley no problem with it throughout the season when she was crying for him to hold her. On a side note, I also cant stand the teachery voice and hand emphases she uses to get her points across. She is unable to see the truth and is somewhat delusional from day 1. 

Edited September 2, 2019 by Lily247

[Liberty]

15 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Iris acted as though Keith's friends walked into their bedroom and started going through their drawers.

Thanks for making the point that in an earlier episode Iris went through Keith's bedside table drawers and shamelessly felt it important to discuss his condoms with Keith on camera.

Edited September 2, 2019 by Liberty

[Yeah No]

On 8/1/2019 at 2:30 PM, Elizzikra said:

Everyone is entitled to a different opinion, so people come here to express it. People don't have to agree with me. I think Amber should keep her hair (and the rest of her body) clean but to a lot of people, lipstick isn't a part of their daily routine and it would constitute getting dolled up. Amber isn't obligated to wear it now that she is married. I don't wear lipstick every day and I don't think that my husband is any more or less proud to be married to me based on what I put on my face at any given time.

But where I really disagree is that any woman should feel compelled to do anything to her hair or makeup or clothing choices to make her husband "proud." It evokes a very 1950's image of a woman in a dress and crinoline and heels pushing a vacuum cleaner with one hand and mixing a martini for her husband with the other. 

I was on vacation and then sick for a while when this part of this thread was going on so I didn't see it until now.  I don't think anyone should be "obligated" to "doll themselves up" to "make their spouse proud" or feel like they have to conform to 1950s expectations of women.....HOWEVER, I do think people of all sexes and genders should want to look nice for their significant others, and in my opinion Amber is falling far short of that goal.  If she looked happy and confident walking around in sweats and t-shirts with scraggly, unkempt hair I might say who cares but it's obvious to me that she is dressing this way and not taking care of her hair because she's horribly UN-happy in this relationship and it's causing her so much stress that she is to the point of not caring about her appearance at all.  I also think she is perpetually dressing in athletic clothes because she thinks it's going to please her husband, so it's actually a desperate attempt to make him like her.  She knows that athletics is the only thing they connect on so she is running with that for all it's worth thinking it will make him like her.  Matt is an uber jock and she is going way overboard trying to "show" him how she is one too, because maybe then he won't leave her. 

So I don't see Amber's way of dressing down as some sort of life choice she is valiantly wearing with pride.  I see her as a desperate woman trying to get some asshole to like her by going to extremes doing whatever she thinks will impress him.  And she knows it's not working!  That's why she looks so unkempt.  She is a shell of former self that can't even muster up the energy or pride to run a comb through her hair.  We know she knows how to look better and when not letting some asshole ruin her self esteem she seems to have no problem doing that.

[sasha206]

On 7/24/2019 at 10:01 PM, Straycat80 said:

I kind of don’t blame Amber for freaking out, I would too if my husband was out past 2AM. 

But she was freaking out at 10:30!  Already called him 4 times.   That's fucking stalkerish!  

[sasha206]

On 7/31/2019 at 12:40 PM, configdotsys said:

Matt was a third rate b-ball player who went undrafted by every team in the NBA so he bounced around other countries essentially playing for room and board. After college he extended his adolescence and played a game that brought him little in the way of returns and he wasn't even that good. The idea that he is owed a "basketball wife" is absurd and he's delusional and needs to buy a clue if that's what he thinks. 

I hope so. As I said above, he was a non-entity in the sports world so if he thinks he is owed a knockout, he needs a serious reality check. I'm not sure what type of woman would have made him happy. I mean, let's take a made up, fake boob, injected lip, Barbie doll and ask her if she'll grind and work extra to help him establish a detailing business. She'd probably laugh. Amber, the plain vanilla Jane was willing to do that because she either has a good heart or is foolishly gullible. Either way, Matt's reaction to that was not appreciation at all. He wigged out off camera and turned into a wuss when the cameras came back on. Seems his best bet is a sugar mama who will fund his adolescence going forward. 

Hell, I'm just north of 50 and this describes me to a tee. Ultra casual and no make up is who I am. 

I totally agree about the hair. I really do. I view them as two completely different issues. Unclean, stringy, wiry, unkempt looking is a deal breaker. But a fresh faced, clean clothes/hair etc. sans make up is just fine. I'm a what you see is what you get sort of person and would not alter my appearance by wearing make up or whatever in order to please others because that's just not who I am and I remain true to myself above all. In my home, I am comfy in the way that comfy means to me. That most certainly does not mean dirty or ripped clothing, but it does not mean sexy nighties, make up, and stuff like that. I can't help but think of the scene in Mrs. Maisel when Midge would jump out of bed to make sure all the cold cream was off her face before her husband woke up. As if it is some kind of crime for your spouse to see you that way. I could never live under such circumstances.

There is a part of me that admires Amber sticking to who she is. I think her personality combined with her casualness is what is doom for her. Acting like a middle school girl is extremely unattractive but if she wore make up and tight skirts and had perfectly coiffed hair, she'd get a pass on I  a giggly silly, girlish fool.  

Exactly on the non-entity!  He is a "pro" basketball player only in the sense that he gets paid (likely very little) to play basketball in countries where no one really cares that much about basketball.  He's not some NBA'er that is used to groupies and models lining up for him.

That said, I don't think Amber would be that into him if it weren't for the fact that she's fancying him as some pro baller.  As far as I can tell, Matt has the same personality as she does:  zero.

On her looks, I personally see John Travolta every time I look at her.  But he's no prize either.  I don't think most men really care all that much about someone being casual if they are attracted to them.  I went to my BF's house after I played a hockey game and was in my sweats, with hair all fucked up from hockey helmut, and BF was super turned on (he had never seen me not dressed up!).  But I think Amber has been super needy from their wedding day and that alone is a major turnoff.

[qtpye]

On 9/2/2019 at 9:34 PM, Yeah No said:

I was on vacation and then sick for a while when this part of this thread was going on so I didn't see it until now.  I don't think anyone should be "obligated" to "doll themselves up" to "make their spouse proud" or feel like they have to conform to 1950s expectations of women.....HOWEVER, I do think people of all sexes and genders should want to look nice for their significant others, and in my opinion Amber is falling far short of that goal.  If she looked happy and confident walking around in sweats and t-shirts with scraggly, unkempt hair I might say who cares but it's obvious to me that she is dressing this way and not taking care of her hair because she's horribly UN-happy in this relationship and it's causing her so much stress that she is to the point of not caring about her appearance at all.  I also think she is perpetually dressing in athletic clothes because she thinks it's going to please her husband, so it's actually a desperate attempt to make him like her.  She knows that athletics is the only thing they connect on so she is running with that for all it's worth thinking it will make him like her.  Matt is an uber jock and she is going way overboard trying to "show" him how she is one too, because maybe then he won't leave her. 

So I don't see Amber's way of dressing down as some sort of life choice she is valiantly wearing with pride.  I see her as a desperate woman trying to get some asshole to like her by going to extremes doing whatever she thinks will impress him.  And she knows it's not working!  That's why she looks so unkempt.  She is a shell of former self that can't even muster up the energy or pride to run a comb through her hair.  We know she knows how to look better and when not letting some asshole ruin her self esteem she seems to have no problem doing that.

This is further proven by how she totally wore a freakum dress to a wings/beer joint for their anniversary. She is desperately trying to get the sex going again to keep him and he could care less.

[Brooklynista]

1 hour ago, qtpye said:

This is further proven by how she totally wore a freakum dress to a wings/beer joint for their anniversary. She is desperately trying to get the sex going again to keep him and he could care less.

Bless her heart, she did try.  Sadly she came off looking like a little girl who was playing dress up in her older sister's closet. The way she clunked out in those heels, tugging at the dress as if she had never worn one before.  Amber just doesn't do sexy very well.  No shame in that, but it did fail as a last ditch attempt. 

[gonecrackers]

1 hour ago, Brooklynista said:

Bless her heart, she did try.  Sadly she came off looking like a little girl who was playing dress up in her older sister's closet.

The older sister who works a street corner ...