The GCEh?C: Canadian Episodes (Spoilers for Non-Canadians)

[Capricasix]

Guys, I saw this on ThinkGeek's Twitter feed, and it kind of reminded me of someone...

[miamama]

^the redshirt. lol. 

[UsernameFatigue]

OK, I could have sworn that when Nick dropped Faith off at Sharon's for her sleepover Sharon said she would bring Faith back the next evening. So why all of a sudden was Nick supposed to take Faith to school in the morning? I guess Dick can at times be forgiven for forgetting he has a kid when the writers who are really the ones in charge of Faith's wellbeing can't remember from one day to the next where she is supposed to be.

 

That was some overacting by Herb. I understand that we are saddled with Chels due to the actress IRL boinking some CBS exec, but why exactly do we have to put up with Sage? And what is the point of this whole emergency operation story line? So that someone will get suspicious as to why Gabe is so interested in the baby? Obviously that will never be Dick so lets go with Chelsea. Ugh.

[bannana]

All in all, a pretty boring episode today.

 

The show opens with Sage delivering her BABY and the camera pans to the doctor and it is Gabe!  Horror of horrors.  Gabe says the BABY is fine and looks just like him.  So this is the main craziness of Sage today, she is freaked out that her BABY is Gabe’s and not Dick’s.  Oh Sage, you should be so lucky.

Gabe goes to the LAB to flirt with Chelz.  Again.  She is seriously sucking the life out of my Gabe-love.  They revisit the topic of Sage’s BABY.  He skirts the topic and says that he is worried about Sage as a friend.  More flirting.

 

Sharon, Dylan and Faith are having an idyllic time at CL after her overnight visit.  They’re chatting about glitter and building forts and Sharon has to remind Faith that she has to go back to her Dick father’s place tonight.  But they have next week together, and Faith asks Dylan if he is living with Mommy now.  Sharon explains that Uncle Dylan stays over on mommy and Faith nights.  Sharon says to Dylan that Dick is late and not returning her texts. He is supposed to pick up Faith and take her to school.  Dick gets her text, while at Sage’s bedside. Sage insists Dick doesn’t need to stay with her and that he should take Faith to school.  He shows up at CL and informs Sharon of the Sage appendectomy and potential BABY danger.  She is concerned and says that he didn’t need to come to CL, she could have taken Faith to school, and pick her up, she can help him during this time.  Faith would love to spend more time with Sharon and she would be happy to help out.  He lashes out at her and says that she is taking advantage of Sage’s medical emergency to manipulate him for more time with Faith.  She defends herself and says she will chalk it up to him being tired and generally a Dick-hole.  He yells at her some more, and Dylan intervenes and points out that it is not good for Faith to see them arguing like this, what the hell is the problem?  Faith comes over and asks her Dick-daddy if he is angry at mommy, again.  Dick says no, he is only angry at himself.  Sure.  That would require self-awareness, Dick.  After Dick and Faith leaves, Dylan says that was a crummy way for Faith’s visit to end, and he is right.  Sharon is pissed, and thinks that this is the way that Dick will always treat her, and that he always feels entitled to talk to her like that.

Kevin is at the UG after his night in jail, and he is perusing an article on GC Buzz with the headline: Valentine’s Killer Lives.  Mariah is hoping that now that the killer has responded that this should help Kevin with his legal problems.  Kevin has an alternate plan to get the cops to focus on what really matters.  Gnome, Dummer and Abby show up and say seriously dumb things to Kevin, including the words blah blah blah.  Wait a minute, those are my lines!  Kevin’s idea is that they participate in a documentary on the murders, and they all get interviewed.  He thinks it will force the police to open the investigation.  Everyone thinks it’s a bad idea.  A lot of annoying blah blah blah.  Dummer decides to go talk to Avery about it.

 

Avery is going out to get milk because Joe takes milk in his coffee, and they don’t have any. He insists she needn’t go and she insists she will. Yes, this was actual dialogue.  She leaves and he promptly stands up.  She returns and he quickly plops back in his wheelchair.  Oh, Joe, you silly boy.  We all know how this is going to end.  Dummer shows up to ask Avery’s advice on this documentary and interview.  But Avery is called away on legal biz.  (By the way, Avery has her old hair back, I guess she retired the Andy Warhol wig.)  Dummer volunteers to stay with Joe and be his workout coach.  They chit chat about Austin, Joe’s break-up with Avery, blah blah.  Dummer leaves.  Joe immediately stands up, cause he didn’t learn from the earlier close call.  He has his earbuds in and is listening to music and standing by the kitchen drinking a bottle of water with his back to the door, and Dummer walks in and sees him, but he doesn’t see her. Back at the UG Kevin and the Scoobies are still in hot debate about this interview and documentary.  Avery arrives and counsels them against it.  Gnome suddenly changes his mind and starts to agree with Kevin, and Avery takes him aside to point out that a public interview would be bad for Dummer and blah blah blah, timing or relationships, blah blah. 

 

Chelz brings flowers to Sage, and they happen to be the only flowers Sage has in the room.  That’s what happens when a Dick is your boyfriend.  Chelz makes nice and tries to connect over pregnancy and BABY talk and Sage seems genuinely duped by her friendliness.  Then she goes in for the kill and talks about Gabe and how worried he was and oh by the way, Sage, is Gabe the father of your BABY?  Sage had that same look on her face when she was glaring at Dick and Avery the other day.  She lowers her head, turns her smile upside down, and shoots daggers from her eyes.  It’s bitchy resting face on steroids.  In this case, I cannot blame her, because Chelz was an idiot and completely and obviously there only to find out who’s the daddy.   Sage did just have her appendix sucked out, you’d think they’d give her a day of rest.  She calls Chelz out on her phony baloney visit and rants at her and Chelz tries to deny it, but it is pretty obvious why Chelz is there. Gabe shows up and Sage tells him that Chelz is there to find out if the BABY is his.  He says to Chelz that they already covered this, and Sage says that Chelz is fixated and orders her out of her room. She tells him to go after his paranoid girlfriend. He says that the BABY could indeed be his, and she starts getting even more agitated.  He tells her to calm down and she gets extremely agitated and she starts having some sort of anxiety attack.  She starts ranting and yelling about how the BABY is Dick’s.  She really loses it.  So that seemed very odd.  The paternity is in question, and there is nothing she can do about it until they determine who the father is, and right now they don’t even know if the BABY will survive but she goes BSC about the whole thing.

Dick shows up and finds out that Sage’s blood pressure spiked. She explains that both Chelz and Gabe visited, one after the other and it was too much.  Oh, stupid Sage!  So Dick tells Chelz that he isn’t finished yelling at people today, it’s not even lunchtime, so he is going to go give Gabe whatfer!  And Sage gets that BRF look again and tells Dick he cannot go see Gabe, and Dick looks perplexed.  She begs him to stay because she needs him.  They talk about the miracle BABY and Dick talks about how much Sage and the BABY mean to him.

 

Gabe and Chelz are back at the LAB and he explains that Sage is fine.  Chelz says she is awful for bothering her right after she came out of surgery, and I wholeheartedly agree, and I don’t even like Sage.  Gabe’s okay with it, cause he is hot for Chelz, and he tells her he is not going to lie to her anymore and he is going to tell her the truth about Sage’s BABY.

Dylan hires Sharon because she has worked there before, and she has nothing else to do, since no Newbot will hire her, and she isn’t allowed to raise her own kid, thanks to Dick.  There is a cute little scene where the do mock interviewing if Sharon were to pursue work in her old field, and then he suggests he work for him for shitty pay but for an incredible boss.  Personally, I am not Steve Burton fan, but Sharon Case is making this pairing work well enough that I don’t hate him.

 

Dummer finds Avery to tell her the truth: Joe can walk.  Avery goes back to her place and confronts Joe and asks him how long he has been able to walk.  See ya, Joe.

Scoobies are back at the UG and rehashing this boring interview topic.  Kevin is talking to Mariah, he cannot believe that she won’t support him in his interview/documentary plan.  She says she does support him and confesses that she is the one who posted the “catch me if you can” post, and she is worried that she might get caught and sent to the big house for posting shit that isn’t true.  Really?  What is this world where Genoa City is and where people post only true things online?

 

Previews:  Farko to Prick:  You lost Jack Abbott?  Prick: I said shut your mouth;  Jack to Marissa: I offered you a chance for a fresh start, and Marissa to Jack:  And you really think all I want is a pay-off?  Lily to Lauren:  You need to back off.  Just cause you can’t hang on to your husband doesn’t give you the right to mine.

[crosby777]

 

Sharon is pissed, and thinks that this is the way that Dick will always treat her, and that he always feels entitled to talk to her like that.

This is why I cannot stand the Sharon character. He treats her like shit ALWAYS yet she keeps wanting him in her bed and in her life. Even now she would dump Dullard in a minute if she thought she could get the idiot back.

[Canadian]

OK, I could have sworn that when Nick dropped Faith off at Sharon's for her sleepover Sharon said she would bring Faith back the next evening. So why all of a sudden was Nick supposed to take Faith to school in the morning? I guess Dick can at times be forgiven for forgetting he has a kid when the writers who are really the ones in charge of Faith's wellbeing can't remember from one day to the next where she is supposed to be.

 

 

I can just imagine the howling by some if it was Sharon who forgot to pick uo Faith..but because it is Nick very little mention will be made about it..It is great to see Sharon coming to terms with the fact that Nick will always be an ass to her, no one should be faulted for loving someone as Sharon has Nick most of her life, it can't be easy to finally give up on that love, the heart wants what the heart wants after all..but I can see the gentleness of Dylan beginning to help heal Sharon's battered heart, her self esteem is coming back bit by bit and the job at CL will be great for her...Nick's world is going to explode and when it does, he will be wanting to cry on Sharon's shoulder..I think she will give him a cold one..

[miamama]

Thanks for the recap Bannana. Without Jack/Farko it was very FF-worthy for me so I skipped much of the talking.

 

Gabe goes to the LAB to flirt with Chelz.  Again.  She is seriously sucking the life out of my Gabe-love.

 

She is the death of him. I've decided I like Gabe ONLY when he's not in scenes with Chelsea. I FF them all the time. They don't move any story. All they do is look longingly at each other and make cutesy little comments. gag.

 

Nick is, well, I will leave it to other to describe what a complete fucking asshole this character is. That scene with Sharon was disgusting. And I have never heard of a custody arrangement wherein one parent gets the kid for an overnight (on a school night) and the other parent must come and take kid to school. What a logistical nightmare. Is Sharon now barred from school property? Stupid show.

 

I can't like Dylan because Sharon is being used to prop him. I'm sick of him getting all the lines of reason and sanity and Sharon being helpless and clueless. ugh.

[Slowpokey]

I can just imagine the howling by some if it was Sharon who forgot to pick uo Faith..but because it is Nick very little mention will be made about it..It is great to see Sharon coming to terms with the fact that Nick will always be an ass to her, no one should be faulted for loving someone as Sharon has Nick most of her life, it can't be easy to finally give up on that love, the heart wants what the heart wants after all..but I can see the gentleness of Dylan beginning to help heal Sharon's battered heart, her self esteem is coming back bit by bit and the job at CL will be great for her...Nick's world is going to explode and when it does, he will be wanting to cry on Sharon's shoulder..I think she will give him a cold one..

Oh yes indeed they would!!!

[Slowpokey]

 

 

Dylan hires Sharon because she has worked there before, and she has nothing else to do, since no Newbot will hire her, and she isn’t allowed to raise her own kid, thanks to Dick.  There is a cute little scene where the do mock interviewing if Sharon were to pursue work in her old field, and then he suggests he work for him for shitty pay but for an incredible boss.  Personally, I am not Steve Burton fan, but Sharon Case is making this pairing work well enough that I don’t hate him.

 

Sharon always makes everyone look good no matter who they are and Dylan is no exception!! This is why they put him with Sharon because Davery was a big bore!!! Dylan is so much more animated and interesting with her. I never cared for him and Chelsea or Avery but with Sharon he is like a completely different character. He just comes alive around her and Faith!!

 

I loved that scene of the interview and think they are so cute together.Love that she will be working at the Coffee House as it will put her in scenes with a lot of other characters and get her out of the cottage. Really I guess to be truthful she has been seeing a great deal more of some of the characters as they all just barge into her house with out knocking or being invited!!! LOL

 

 

Great recaps Bannana! Thanks so much for doing them!!

[NinjaPenguins]

The only pleasure I get from Gabe is visual. Dude has bingoed Chelsea and Sage, industry leaders in the field of Who Gives a Fuck. Gabe should ride the wave of being Jack's son; it buys his silly identity scam time, and let's face it, it's what Adam always really wanted.

Maybe MonkeyDick McStupidpants and Cilantro are a match made in heaven. They both fly off the handle at getting a little truth thrown in their direction. Sorry, Nick, but despite all your rage, you're still just a rat in a Sage.

Remember when introducing a new character was done with a bit of skill? They were slowly integrated into the canvas, with various aspects of their backstory coming to light over time. Now a newb pops up, is shoved to the front burner, and given major plot points like a legacy baby and medical emergencies in a bid to make us give a seal's cervix about them. Fail.

Let's say Victor unleashes a pack of feral, rabid hellhounds on Genoa City. They bite children, forcing the kids to endure some painful shots, and then they go on to maul Austin and Courtney to death. One repeatedly breaks into the Abbott manor and dry humps Phyllis's leg. After these devil dogs have plunged GC into chaos and savaged many a citizen, Victor rises from his casket, grabs a shotgun, and dispatches his psychotic pets back to the underworld. Is he a hero? See where I'm going with this, show? No, of course you don't.

[ByTor]

I thought Sharon worked with Chelz.  What happened with that job?

[Diane M]

Haven't seen it yet.  Does Dummer actually see Joe walk or just stand?  Just standing doesn't necessarily mean he can walk.

[Artsda]

I thought Sharon worked with Chelz.  What happened with that job?

Victor. He took over everything, he's not letting Sharon continue to work there.

[ByTor]

Victor. He took over everything, he's not letting Sharon continue to work there.

Thanks, I guess I missed that little gem.

[Desperately Random]

 

Nick is, well, I will leave it to other to describe what a complete fucking asshole this character is. That scene with Sharon was disgusting. And I have never heard of a custody arrangement wherein one parent gets the kid for an overnight (on a school night) and the other parent must come and take kid to school. What a logistical nightmare. Is Sharon now barred from school property? Stupid show.

 

I can't like Dylan because Sharon is being used to prop him. I'm sick of him getting all the lines of reason and sanity and Sharon being helpless and clueless. ugh.

I have a theory that JFP is behind Nick having turned into a complete and total asshole. She saw that the pairing of Dullan with Avery was a bust and they weren't going to become the next supercouple, so she had to do something to save her drowning wooden boy. She had to have seen that SC is golden when it comes to elevating her love interests (except Victor but that was a crime against nature.) so she decides to put Private Plywood and Sharon together. Of course, she doesn't want to alienate the Shick fans so she decides to turn Nick into the mouth breathing cave dweller we have all come to despise. I have to say, if that actually was her plan then it worked because I know that I don't ever want to see Sharon get back together with Nick. Not. Ever.

I am going to admit that I am warming up to Shylan. The scene at CL made me think that I might like this pairing. I think it is mainly because I am glad to see Sharon with some one who cares about her and appreciates all her wonderful qualities and lets her know that. Also, he always has her back which poor Sharon hasn't had with really anyone but Noah. So although Dylan wouldn't have been my choice to be with Sharon, I think I'm going to be OK with it. On this show, I'll take what I can get, as long as Sharon finally gets to be happy and with someone who is good to her and doesn't use her illness against her every chance they get.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Desperately Random

[bannana]

Drinki is still at Home in rehab, and Neil shows up to visit her.  He asks how her stay is going and she says, let’s be honest, I am not really staying here, I am in hiding.  Neil doesn’t see it that way, she is tackling her addiction, but she says she has the added bonus of avoiding Prick.   Neil says Prick loves her unconditionally.   Drinki is not convinced, and says that Prick casts a large shadow, and heaven forbid if you do something he doesn’t approve of.  She is disappointed that he could not speak out at the intervention about his feelings.  Then they talk about Neil and his anger and rage.  But he says he doesn’t want to give in to his hate.

 

Prick is in the LAB, an excellent place to make secret phone calls with crooked Island Cops on your payroll when you have kidnapped and tortured the head of Jabot/Newbot.  He says to IC:  Of course he is hiding; you assured me you would chase him up and down the South American coast.  Now do as you are told, find him.  Farko overhears and asks Prick who he has lost, and quickly realizes he has lost Jack.  Prick tells him to shut your mouth, this isn’t the place to talk about it.  Wait, Prick, weren’t you the one on the phone who was just overheard.  Anyone could have heard.  Sheesh.  They go into Victoria’s office to discuss it further.  Farko says:  how did this guy escape, what happened to Kelly?  Prick: it’s none of your business.  Farko doesn’t want Jack to return, he likes being Jack Abbott.  Prick says he likes driving fancy cars etc.

Farko has a flash drive with the entire story of how Prick kidnapped Jack on his wedding night and replaced him with Farko.  Farko has documented everything, including Prick’s offer to make Farko a rich man if he cooperated with the plot and facilitating the MERGER.  He has copies to send to the feds and to Ashley if anything should happen to him.  He says the feds may not pursue but Ashley will, and at this moment Ashley walks in and wants to know what they are talking about.  She asks if she missed a meeting or if there is a problem. Farko says they were waiting for her.  Prick says that Farko told him that Ash had doubts about Gabe and he wants to know if Ash has learned anything new about him.  Ash says, no, but she’ll stay on it, and wants to know what is really go on between them.  Drinki calls Prick and says she is ready to see him, so he leaves.  Farko tells Ash they need to talk.  He tells her he has made Ash executor of his will in case something happens.  He has made arrangements with Mikey.  He tells her he wants it to be Ash not Phyllis because Ash cannot be manipulated by Prick.  Farko wants to ensure that his legacy is protected by Ash. Ash says, what if something happened to me?  Farko says she is indestructible.  Rut roh, something is wrong with Ash, and then she gets a piercing pain in her head and pops a pill.  Farko takes a call, and says he will pay for information but only if it is solid, and tells the caller to send it to his phone.  It is the photo/video of Jack, and Farko says something in Spanish.

 

Jack is still on the ship.  Marissa is cooing over him and tells him that the auction is ongoing, and she has stalled the Captain but the only way out of this is for Jack to pay the Captain back. Okay, so she I guess she is in cahoots with the Captain.  Not that it matters, where is Jack going to get money to pay him back anyways?  Oh right, he does have money and that is what he tells Marissa, that he has money in the heartland of America, enough money to pay the Captain and give her money to start her life all over again.  She tells him to go to hell.  She is insulted that Jack would think that all she wants is a pay off after everything they have been through.  She wants to know about the heartland.  Jack waxes rhapsodic about Genoa City Wisconsin: sweet corn, strawberries, rolling hills, streams, lakes, farms, sailing, skiing, culture(?), nightlife (the UG?).  He talks about his company.  Marissa thinks it sounds wonderful.  So wonderful that her terms are that she will help him get there if he takes her with him.  Jack tells Marissa that GC is too provincial for her, that she is a free spirit.  She wants stability—she has clawed her way out of the gutter and wants a place she can call home and where she can build a future with Marco.  Marissa kisses Jack, and the Captain walks in.  Marissa says she can explain. He is not listening and pulls a gun and says they can share the same fate.  IC:  you two deserve each other, when I decide which one of our enemies to sell you to, you can die together.  And he slaps poor Jack.  He leaves.  Jack says to Marissa he is not ready to die for love just yet, there has to be a way out.

Hevon are in a gray room and gray bed, which is pretty much how I feel about them.  I cannot aptly describe how much I loathe each of them, and the two of them together is even worse. Devon gives her her own eternity ring.  Not sure about the background of this, but he proposes with that ring.  Hilary is worried that Lily and Neil will be upset if they get engaged and Devon rightly points out, that ship has sailed.  That’s okay, Hilary is over her guilt in 2.5 seconds.

 

Cane is with Lauren at the GCAC and they are talking about the fact that Michael wants a divorce.  She is blubbering, and he is consoling her.  Of course Lily espies them.  She confronts them and tells Lauren to back off.  She says that if Lauren has marital problems, Cane’s is not the appropriate shoulder to be crying on.  Wow, I cannot believe this, but I agree completely with Lily!  She tells Lauren that her husband is off limits.  Hevon walk in while to do is happening.  Devon tells Lily she is out of line.  WTF?  Lily says, what is worse, Devon defending Hilary or Cane holding poor Lauren’s hand while she blubbers about her marriage.  Lily reminds everyone that Lauren bedded Carmine whilst married, and that she has a history.  Lauren stomps off.  Idiot Cane stands by Lauren against Lily and says that Devon was right, Lily was out of line.   Cane, I hope you like the doghouse cause you are going to be spending many nights there.  Cane follows Lauren to a park bench, because he is frankly an idiot.  Cane says that Lily has been holding a grudge against Cane because he lied about Hevon, and now she is taking it out on Lauren.  Oh, Cane, you are as stupid as you look.  Lauren admits that she has a history she is not proud of.  Cane says that he knows Lauren is not after him, and that she is trying to save her own marriage.  Devon, meantime, is giving marital advice to Lily, and says she is the one wrecking her marriage.  Hevon are telling Lily it is all about trust.  They are moving on with their lives while she is sitting in judgment and not trusting anyone.  Well, let’s pause here for a second Devon.  You expect Lily to trust you and Hilary?  And Cane, the guy, who has lied seriously big-time to her several times and should never have been forgiven?  Again, I am Lily’s side on this one.  Devon gloats that he and Hilary are getting married just as Neil walks in.  Whoops.  Neil says he is not going to congratulate them, but Hilary hopes that Neil will eventually forgive Devon.  He tells Hilary she can do whatevs now that the divorce is final, and Devon has always done what he wants at the expense of his family.  Lily tells Neil that she feels the same way about Hevon, and that it is making her paranoid about her own marriage.  When Cane returns she is going to apologize.  Don’t do it, Lily, kick his ass to the curb!

Avery calls Joe an upright walking sonuvabitch!  Good one Avery!  Joe says he has taken a few tentative steps.  He was waiting to tell her until he could really get out of the wheelchair.  But she is not buying it, she’s angry, and she says, show me, WALK!  He does and pretend stumbles just to try to make it convincing.   She isn’t buying it and slaps him. Joe explains that he lied because he cannot get through this alone and she is the only family he has.  She says he is not her family, she has no feelings for him, and that everything she is doing is out of guilt.  He tells her he loves her, and he knows she loves him.  I don’t why he loves her, because throughout this convo she is making a kind of ugly face.  Hey Joe, Lily is probably ripe for the picking and you two would make a gorgeous couple!  Avery is not impressed. She shoves him into his wheelchair and says: You get this straight, I don’t love you, I will never love you, you get your bag and you start packing.  I want you gone by the time I get back.  Joe stands up and says, Avery, you are not going anywhere and neither am I.  Avery says she will call the cops and he says go ahead.  Joe will say that she pushed him off the balcony.  She will be charged with attempted murder, she will be disbarred.  He says she needs tough love to bring her to her senses.  She asks him: what do you want?  He says:  make love to me.  Yikes.  She should have slapped him again.

 

Prick goes to see Drinki.  He is in baby talk mode, but she is in grown up mode.  He is happy she has called him, but she is telling him some tough facts.  She’s been thinking about the triggers and stressors that make her want to drink.  She’s been thinking about the woman of privilege she has become and the woman who has fought a lifelong battle with self-esteem.  Prick only wants to know the woman he created, the one that caters to him.  With her sobriety comes a price.  When she leaves Home, they are going to have to be apart, indefinitely.  Prick says he is the source of her stability, this is absurd.  This is nonsense, this is psychobabble.  He won’t listen or understand, and she implores him to hear her.  She says she loves him.  She cannot go home and go back to her old habits, trying so hard to be the wife that he wants her to be, that she will end up drinking herself to death.  He doesn’t want her to drink herself to death, of course.  For her survival, she says, he has to let her go.  He is teary eyed, which I would care about if he wasn’t a sadistic sociopath.  Prick says she has left before and always come back because that is where she belongs and they both know it.  She says they will live separate lives when she goes home.  Prick refuses to accept this and says this is not her decision, that he knows who planted this seed in her head and he is going to take care of it.  Prick goes to see Neil at the GCAC and he accuses him of convincing Drinki to dump Prick.  Neil says it is just the opposite, and Prick says why should I believe you.

 

 

Lily leaves Cane a voicemail apologizing.  Lauren says she is going to take a long walk alone, but of course she then HUGS HIM and they KISS.  Hah!  You self-righteous dirty liars!

Previews:  Mariah to Kevin:  I can’t confess.  Kevin:  you have a better idea? Mariah: yes, we run; Mikey to Lauren:  if everything I’ve done hasn’t told you this is over, maybe we should take a look at what you’ve done.  Ash yelling at Ben:  don’t be concerned about me, you’re involved with my daughter, be concerned about her.

[C76]

bannana, if I don't say it again, know that I love your recaps, forever and always, amen!

 

How'd you get to see today's ep early? I've missed the first half of todays show, and I'm watching the rest right now. These people are making me ill!

 

...Except Jack. And it was nice to see Eric Braeden do some acting (with MTS) for once in a billion years.

 

ETA: Joe is disgusting. Last night I read that one of Charles Pratt's ideas involving him and Avery was squashed. Although it was more absurd than what I endured today, I don't know how this bullying "Make love to me," nonsense earned anyone's stamp of approval. 

Edited June 4, 2015 by C76

[venusnv80]

Lily and Cane will always skeeved me out, so the end of them can't come fast enough. 

[Desperately Random]

Lily leaves Cane a voicemail apologizing.  Lauren says she is going to take a long walk alone, but of course she then HUGS HIM and they KISS.  Hah!  You self-righteous dirty liars!

Oh gross! I think I feel my lunch crawling back up my throat. As much as I have disliked Lame, this seems just as bad. We get to see a pasty faced Cane and Lauren of the Hooker Couture going at it while Lily wails and shrieks in the the background. Wow. And just when I thought this whole storyline with Michael and Lauren couldn't get worse, Show proves me wrong again.

Thanks so much for doing these Bannana. Not only are they funny but they are informative. I now know that when I watch this episode I need to have the remote in my hand and the FF button ready to go.

Edited June 4, 2015 by Desperately Random

[bannana]

bannana, if I don't say it again, know that I love your recaps, forever and always, amen!

 

How'd you get to see today's ep early? I've missed the first half of todays show, and I'm watching the rest right now. These people are making me ill!

 

...Except Jack. And it was nice to see Eric Braeden do some acting (with MTS) for once in a billion years.

 

ETA: Joe is disgusting. Last night I read that one of Charles Pratt's ideas involving him and Avery was squashed. Although it was more absurd than what I endured today, I don't know how this bullying "Make love to me," nonsense earned anyone's stamp of approval. 

I can watch it on time shift at 1 pm Mountain time but don't usually have the opportunity; usually see it later in the day.

[miamama]

Aweseome that Farko has covered his bases with Victor. I'm sure when he finds out Marisa is with Jack he'll pay to get her (and him). 

 

Poor Jack just gets random slaps as people walk out of rooms. :(

 

So it appears Joe will be leaving the show with Avery. I don't see how he comes back from this.

[Slowpokey]

I have a theory that JFP is behind Nick having turned into a complete and total asshole. She saw that the pairing of Dullan with Avery was a bust and they weren't going to become the next supercouple, so she had to do something to save her drowning wooden boy. She had to have seen that SC is golden when it comes to elevating her love interests (except Victor but that was a crime against nature.) so she decides to put Private Plywood and Sharon together. Of course, she doesn't want to alienate the Shick fans so she decides to turn Nick into the mouth breathing cave dweller we have all come to despise. I have to say, if that actually was her plan then it worked because I know that I don't ever want to see Sharon get back together with Nick. Not. Ever.

I am going to admit that I am warming up to Shylan. The scene at CL made me think that I might like this pairing. I think it is mainly because I am glad to see Sharon with some one who cares about her and appreciates all her wonderful qualities and lets her know that. Also, he always has her back which poor Sharon hasn't had with really anyone but Noah. So although Dylan wouldn't have been my choice to be with Sharon, I think I'm going to be OK with it. On this show, I'll take what I can get, as long as Sharon finally gets to be happy and with someone who is good to her and doesn't use her illness against her every chance they get.

Amen DR to all of this!! The Sharon fans have been beat up for so long we will take whatever crumbs of any kind if our girl is happy and be grateful ! This is what we have been reduced to begging on message boards for any morsels of human kindness!!  Lord it's good to see something good written for her and dang now she's got a job!! I am over the moon! O.K. it's the coffee shop but at least it's a job and she will be out of the cottage!. Now if they would just move her off that damn ranch!

[Slowpokey]

I hope faith tells her therapist she's afraid of her daddy again.

 

I am happy Dylan gave Sharon a job at crimson lights.

at least she will get to see her kids there once in a while since they don't bother to go visit her.

 

LOL  and dumber and the garden gnome can find somewhere else to while away their time.

Still waiting for those two and Abby to apologize to Sharon for accusing her of the cabin murders. Funny after all this time none of them have even once said "sorry" to her. She is the only character that is expected to always apologize immediately to everybody and do it profusely.

[miamama]

Now if they would just move her off that damn ranch!

 

Or in a scene that is not shared with Dylan.

Last night I read that one of Charles Pratt's ideas involving him and Avery was squashed. Although it was more absurd than what I endured today, I don't know how this bullying "Make love to me," nonsense earned anyone's stamp of approval.

 

I don't think "Avery cries rape" was the story that was squashed. I suspect it was Joe rapes and kills Avery after holding her captive and Dylan can't save her (and so is traumatized again and we can watch his nuanced manly angst).

[C76]

Aweseome that Farko has covered his bases with Victor. I'm sure when he finds out Marisa is with Jack he'll pay to get her (and him). 

 

The first thing that popped into my head when I saw Farko's flash drive is that Phyllis will accidentally come across it. *crosses fingers*

[bannana]

Aweseome that Farko has covered his bases with Victor. I'm sure when he finds out Marisa is with Jack he'll pay to get her (and him). 

 

Poor Jack just gets random slaps as people walk out of rooms. :(

 

So it appears Joe will be leaving the show with Avery. I don't see how he comes back from this.

I thought of you miamama when I typed about the slap.

[NinjaPenguins]

Well, I have Farko roasting Victor's nuts like Hot Pockets in a microwave to look forward to. Honestly, Victor, you don't become a drug lord without understanding the need for contingency plans. So I wonder what Darth Moustache's back-up scheme was, or did he really not think Jack could escape Kelly's clutches? He was seriously relying on corrupt cops to control the situation? Arrogant ass. I hope Victor gets a rope burn to his dessicated nipples for every time Jack is hit.

[crosby777]

 

I thought Sharon worked with Chelz.  What happened with that job?

Well the idiot was late on her first day and it looks like Chels just quit calling her. Can't blame her.

 

I am warming up to Shylan

I like them together too.. dumb and dumber belong together.

[NinjaPenguins]

Dumb and dumber do belong together...which is why Nick and his hand are the most solid, loving couple this show has to offer. For Valentine's Day one year, Nick bought his beloved a diamond ring but had to return it after he rubbed a bloody groove into his pants banana. True story.

[Petunia13]

You know what would make Lily and Cane scenes 100% better? Humphrey.

[Canadian]

Still waiting for those two and Abby to apologize to Sharon for accusing her of the cabin murders. Funny after all this time none of them have even once said "sorry" to her. She is the only character that is expected to always apologize immediately to everybody and do it profusely.

THIS!! I see so many always going on about Sharon not apologizing for her bi polar actions..yet, everyone can walk all over her, accuse her of the most heinous crimes..but those same moaners don't think she deserves any apologies..

[LeftPhalange]

NinjaPenguins, can you please put a hex on Lily and Cane that kills them?

[NinjaPenguins]

It's not that easy to take out the undead, LP. In fact, it involves the kind of dark and dreadful magics that only Victor is capable of handling. I did flush some Cialis down the toilet and burn a copy of Twilight, so that may be why Lauren and Cane made out.

[C76]

Well, I have Farko roasting Victor's nuts like Hot Pockets in a microwave to look forward to. Honestly, Victor, you don't become a drug lord without understanding the need for contingency plans. So I wonder what Darth Moustache's back-up scheme was, or did he really not think Jack could escape Kelly's clutches? He was seriously relying on corrupt cops to control the situation? Arrogant ass. I hope Victor gets a rope burn to his dessicated nipples for every time Jack is hit.

The writers are starting to annoy me, but I'll give them this: I like that viewers aren't in on everything anymore. The timing of Jack killing Kelly caught me by surprise. I thought that he was still under her spell, and had no idea he was faking it. 

 

Also, when Summer told Aunt Avery about Joe's walking...I think in the old days we might've had to watch their entire conversation, complete with melodramatic expressions of horror. So, on that note, kudos to the writers for saving a bit of time.

 

These new writing trends almost make up for the nonsense that I know is still to come. 

Edited June 5, 2015 by C76

[pearlite]

It's not that easy to take out the undead, LP. In fact, it involves the kind of dark and dreadful magics that only Victor is capable of handling. I did flush some Cialis down the toilet and burn a copy of Twilight, so that may be why Lauren and Cane made out.

 

Of course, with your spiritual leanings, NP, you've contemplated sacrificing a koala and a badger perhaps?

[Do it with effigies, if delicacy is required.]

[Slowpokey]

THIS!! I see so many always going on about Sharon not apologizing for her bi polar actions..yet, everyone can walk all over her, accuse her of the most heinous crimes..but those same moaners don't think she deserves any apologies..

Yep and another thing!   LOL  Just imagine it was Sharon that forgot to pick up Faith!  Crickets for Nick.  Rip her a new one for Sharon!

[peacheslatour]

Yep and another thing!   LOL  Just imagine it was Sharon that forgot to pick up Faith!  Crickets for Nick.  Rip her a new one for Sharon!

Right? 

 

Sharon "Sorry I forgot to pick up Faith, but the guy I just met that knocked me up on the floor of a crummy gin joint got a bad owie and I had to be by his side." 

Nick  "YOU WILL NEVER SEE FAITH AGAIN YOU CRAZY WHORE".

Edited June 5, 2015 by peacheslatour

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Right? 

 

Sharon "Sorry I forgot to pick up Faith, but the guy I just met that knocked me up on the floor of a crummy gin joint got a bad owie and I had to be by his side." 

Nick  "YOU WILL NEVER SEE FAITH AGAIN YOU CRAZY WHORE".

 

With the rest of the cast giving Nick a standing O and then tarring and feathering her as she sheepishly apologizes for making a mistake!

[Slowpokey]

Good to see that you guys are in the know about this show!! LOL

 

Right? 

 

Sharon "Sorry I forgot to pick up Faith, but the guy I just met that knocked me up on the floor of a crummy gin joint got a bad owie and I had to be by his side." 

Nick  "YOU WILL NEVER SEE FAITH AGAIN YOU CRAZY WHORE".

Yep he would have done it in a heartbeat!

[Slowpokey]

With the rest of the cast giving Nick a standing O and then tarring and feathering her as she sheepishly apologizes for making a mistake!

Oh yes,I can see the glowering look on the baboon's face as he reads her the riot act that always ends with his "I'm sorry but I have to think about my daughter and her safety" spiel! The first thing he would do is call Avery to get the one night a week visit rescinded! UGH! Nick is such a jerk!

[NinjaPenguins]

We don't know that Jack killed Kelly, right? He woke up, and there she was, dead as Michael's dick (too soon?).

I appreciate the requests for curses and hexes and what not, but I do draw the line at blood sacrifice. Anyone who wishes to dabble in the dark arts should meet with Victor in the hospital confessional. Bring holy water; you'll need it if negotiations break down.

Edited June 5, 2015 by NinjaPenguins

[miamama]

Right, Ninja. It's unclear how Kelly died.

[Slowpokey]

We don't know that Jack killed Kelly, right? He woke up, and there she was, dead as Michael's dick (too soon?).

 

 

 

ROTFLMAO!! Ninja you are cracking me up!!! 

Edited June 6, 2015 by Slowpokey

[crowswork]

http://www.cbs.com/feedback/

 

don't forget to cut and paste your best snark to this address.

[bannana]

This will be my last recap until around the 18th.  Too bad it was such a sucky episode.

 

I just figured out who Avery  reminds me of.  Remember the actress Karen Black?  Put blond hair on her.   There is def a resemblance.  So Joe is now “asking” Avery to make love to him but she points out that he is blackmailing her.  She tells him there is nothing between them, the past is long gone, and he says he just needs one night with her.  She is seriously pissed at him, and he is trying to appeal to her that they belong together and he can prove it if she just lets him.  Joe, buddy, this was a bad idea and it is time to bail cause she is never going to be in the mood now.  Or ever.  But she says, alright, let’s make love.  She starts railing at him and says that her clothes aren’t sexy she needs to go put on something sexy and she is yelling and out of control, banging cupboards to get the wine, chugging the wine, and this is clearly not what he had in mind.  She rips off her blouse to expose some major breast action and drags him to the couch and he stops her and says he wants her to want him, not like this and he grabs her by the arms.  Their voices are raised, and she suddenly flashes back to a time when he grabbed her and said, I gave you everything and this is how you repay me, and he slapped her (in the past).  And in the present she flinches. I didn’t really understand this, I took it as he physically assaulted her and she only now remembered it, which is a bit unusual.  She says that she blamed herself all those years and it was actually him; and orders him out of her home.  She says that all of his lies and manipulation have cost her.  He leaves, and says he may have made a mistake here tonight but he wasn’t the only one.

Scoobys are at the UG…Mariah is freaking out about her apparently highly illegal post to GC Buzz.  Ben and Abby arrive and he is freaking out about the TV interview.  They won’t do it, and neither will the other Scoobs so the deal for the interview has fallen through according to Kev.  Abby wants Kevin to hack the police computer to find out who posted the message.  There was a lot of blah blah between the Scoobs and I really didn’t care what they had to say, but I am getting more suspicious of Ben.  For no reason other than he lacks integrity.

 

Paul is in contact with the FBI.  They are going to help them catch the mystery poster.  Harding tells Paul about the potential TV interview the Scoobs were going to do.  Harding says they have no leads on this perp, and Paul asks Harding, why that is, why is he able to stay ahead of the keystone cops.  Hmm…is this a clue that it really is Harding?  Then later Paul gets a call and tells Harding they have a lead on the Catch me if you Can message, and they rush out. 

Meanwhile Mariah is still freaking out and wants to go on the run—for posting a message.  Clearly I am missing something about the laws of the USA, because I don’t get what she did that is illegal.  Mariah decides to go without Kevin, but she doesn’t make it two steps before Paul and Harding show up and arrest her.

 

Cane and Lauren are KISSING in the park and they are being watched.  Of course they are.  They both regret what they did and make excuses for their behavior.

Mikey goes to the LAB to meet with Ash because she wants to redo her will and she doesn’t want to wait even a second to get it done.  But Mikey has somewhere important to be so they say they will do it soon.  He leaves and Ash takes a pill and she makes that face that Drinki makes when she gulps straight vodka.  Not sure why a pill would do that.  Stabby show up at the LAB and inform Ash that the killer could still be out there.  She freaks out that Abby is in danger.  And then she kind of starts to stagger a bit, and Stabby are worried about her.  She says that it is her migraine medication.  Abby wonders why she hasn’t heard about these headaches and Ash says they started a few weeks ago and are the result of the stress of the MERGER.

Mikey is at CL remembering Lauren kissing Cane, because he is the one who was watching her. Lauren shows up and he says he was just thinking about her. Hah!  He tells her he wants a divorce.   She says no.  He says they should forget about discussing what he has done to convince her this marriage is over and talk about what she has done.  She is confused.  He tells her he saw her kissing Cane.  Her impassioned defense is that Mikey turned away from her and she is starving for love and affection, not sex.  He says she is a sexual person and cannot go without.  I think both things are probably true.   She did make the whole thing about herself and blame Mikey for everything.  Lots of emotion and blah blah and I couldn’t really tell if she agreed to divorce him.  He is obviously did push her away and toward Cane, and he is being a jerk, but not sure she can blame him for her actions.  Especially with that whole Carmine thing hanging over them.

Cane shows up at GCAC where Lily apologizes to Cane, who is all messed up by the KISS.  Lily keeps berating herself for not trusting him and being paranoid.   She keeps self-flagellating and Cane feels pretty shitty and guilty now.  He tells her he loves her and kisses her.  Lily wants to call Lauren to apologize and Cane is so guilty that he overreacts and Lily is puzzled.  Later Lauren shows up at the GCAC and tells Cane that Michael saw them. Cane is going to tell Lily before Mikey does.  Too late.  Lily bumps into Mikey at CL. Lily tells Mikey that he should reconsider divorcing Lauren because she really loves Mikey. He says it is none of her business, just like her problems with Cane are none of his business. And Lily asks him to explain.  He says that he is not the one she should be talking to.
 

Ben goes to the hospital and talks to Ash’s doctor who happens to be Lesley’s husband.  I am amazed this guy is still around.  I wonder what kind of a life he and Lesley have, since we have never, okay maybe once, seen them together as a couple.  Couldn’t they trot them out as background at a non-wedding or MERGER party or something?  So Ben is quizzing Dr. Lesley Husband and pretty much telling him he didn’t do a good job of diagnosing Ash, and Dr. LH is rightly pissed at his interference.  But he later calls Ash and tells her that Ben talked to him about her health and she should come in.  She confronts Ben.  She yells at him.  Ashley suddenly collapses into the chair and looks like she is stroking out.

 

Paul and Harding tell Kevin and Mariah that they have messed up their brilliant plan to make the killer over-confident so that he would make a mistake.  Kevin thinks Paul should talk to the press and let him know that the pressure is on.  Harding wants to put the cuffs on Mariah for various charges: filing a false report, assaulting an officer, interfering with a police investigation.  Paul pulls Harding aside and says that Kevin is right.  He then goes and tells Kevin and Mariah they are free to go.

Paul holds a press conference and announces that they now know that Tobias was murdered by the same person who murdered Austin and Courtney.  They found Tobias’ tablet that has evidence and is at an undisclosed location.  Kevin realizes that Paul listened to him and is using the power of the press.

Previews:  Ben to Dr. LH:  Ashley had a seizure and she left the hospital without telling anyone, and I am not leaving here until you tell me why.  El Capitan to Jack, we have sold you to the highest bidder, it is up to him whether we deliver you dead or alive; and then they cut to Farko who is the highest bidder.

[Petunia13]

Lauren you aren't going to get love and affection from that fucking vampire.

I like how logic and laws don't get in the way of Paul's "work". He and this show are so damn stupid. How is Mariah interfering with a police investigation? Do this hacks know many people critique police and police investigations alllllll the time online in web forums, news sites comments sections, in public protests? I hate him.

Excuse me, that's not "Dr. Leslie Husband" he's Dr Bartleby Sheldon, Phd and can treat every illness or medical mishap like Stench and Olivia before him. He and Leslie had like 2 scenes at CL shooting the shit about the dummasses they deal with working each day and drinking coffee. I love Leslie.

I wonder if stink bomb Stench is the killer. What motive does he have? Guess it doesn't matter - what motive did his deranged horse sister have for her rampage of mayhem and lunacy? His loony family probably did a lot of felonies and lied about them or he has some mental issue caused by the war or military training.

I'm ready for Ashley to leave the show. Her return has been mostly pointless and not entertaining for me.

Great recap! I love my Canadian prevert pals recaps. Enjoy your business trip ; P

[Foghorn Leghorn]

Nick she can fool with a ball of wadded aluminum foil tossed under the couch

 

The visual MADE MY DAY! Thanks CupidStunt!

[movinon]

Capricasix, are you going to be taking over the recaps for bannana again?  The 18th is a long time away, and I fear I do not have enough Gray Goose to tide me over that long.  Someone HAS to do this - please???

[NinjaPenguins]

Lauren may not get love and affection from Cane, but she can achieve eternal youth. Are we supposed to see Michael as noble? All I see is a dick-obsessed pimp wannabe who's shit-stirring in someone else's marriage. Learn how to go down on your wife, asshole.

Speaking of assholes (and isn't it alarming how many characters I could be talking about?), Joe is revealed to be a rapey wifebeater. Well, this certainly makes Dylan look like a noble redwood for being Avery's virtuous cheat buddy. Whatever. Joe Superman hit a woman, which means he can go eat at a kryptonite buffet as far as I'm concerned.

I would ask what crawled up Paul's ass, but we all know it's his pants. This fool can crack his nuts in a denim vise but can't crack a case to save his life. Why hasn't Harding relieved Paulie of his duties and his stupid looking glasses?

Stitch, Ashley's medical problems are none of your business. Where do you get off badgering doctors at your former workplace, you Caillou-looking motherfucker. The syphillis you gave her is probably eating her brain. I'm starting to look upon Stitch as a venereal Pigpen; instead of walking around in a cloud of dirt, Stitch gambols about in a miasma of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and herpes.

I'm just a tad uncomfortable with this plot twist of human beings getting auctioned off to the highest bidder. I can't quite cotton to why, though. I'm sure it will come to me.

[LeftPhalange]

So Mariah didn't flee town after she stalked and tormented an unstable person but writing a blog post has her shitting her pants? OK.

 

Dr. Leslie's Husband should have had Caillou thrown out of the hospital.

 

I'm surprised we haven't heard anything about Scott Elrod leaving yet. Surely Joe has to be on the way out.