S05.E09: Hot Mess Express

[pasdetrois]

Below Deck is scraping the bottom of the trashy guest barrel. Reality TV once again proves that money doesn't buy you class. It buys you gold diggers with bolt-on boobs.

Jen absolutely was sexually harassed. However, she probably signed away her rights to do anything about it, short of a violent crime happening (see Bachelor in Paradise).

There is zero chemistry between EJ and Baker. They and Bri/Nico are scripted; Bri/Nico are enjoying the script a little more than EJ and Baker.

Matt seems oddly robotic as he bumps around his kitchen. Still, I'll take him over Ben and the other nasty, thirsty chefs.

Kate and Lee are wearily going through the motions for that Bravo paycheck.

[ryebread]

1 hour ago, pasdetrois said:

Matt seems oddly robotic as he bumps around his kitchen. Still, I'll take him over Ben and the other nasty, thirsty chefs.

That's it!  He's robotic.  I agree about taking him over Leon and Ben.  Even though I thought Ben's food was usually very pretty, his laugh worked my last nerve and scared me a little.

[MrSmith]

19 hours ago, dleighg said:

I saw those pedal buses in Amsterdam this summer. Seemed to be a big thing for bachelorette parties. 

Amsterdam has since outlawed them. There was an article in/on The Guardian just yesterday about it, coincidentally.

[eurekagirl mOo]

No One should have to have boobs flashed in her face behind a closed door! I no Jen fan (AT ALL) but that was not acceptable. God knows what else could have happened behind that door. As a rape survivor, and by a drunk man, and woman no less, I felt sick to my stomach. It's been 40 years and it still makes me sick. Kate should have gone straight to the Captain. 

[MrSmith]

11 hours ago, Belowdeckchatter said:

Boo F&N Hoo!  What is all this sympathy for Jen? Now all of a sudden she is a victim of sexual harassment?

Isn't Jen always telling everyone she is horny?

Didn't Jen fake an orgasm during the crews first dinner?

Wasn't Jen the girl twerking on the party bus?

Didn't Jen iron her clothes in her underwear on national TV?

What does any of this have anything to do with sexual harassment and/or sexual assault? Where do you draw the line? Is it ok if they grab her tits because of all of this? Do they finally cross the line if she gets raped? Stop making excuses for people's poor behaviour by claiming that other people deserve what happens to them because of something they said, something they wore, or something they did. Jen explicitly told that bitch "no" and that was not respected. People with attitudes like the one you display here are why people like Harvey Weinstein and others are able to get away with stuff like this. #dontbearapeapologist

[dleighg]

59 minutes ago, MrSmith said:

Amsterdam has since outlawed them. There was an article in/on The Guardian just yesterday about it, coincidentally.

wow! Thanks for the info!

[LoneHaranguer]

22 hours ago, Passing Strange said:

She and Lee are a big disappointment this season.

The producers hired greenhorns to screw up on camera. Both Kate and Lee are exasperated, but have no choice but to deal as best they can with what they've been handed. Kate is using her TH's to complain. Lee is trying to work within his constraints to make sure the season ends without racking up any serious damage or injuries.

[ryebread]

2 hours ago, eurekagirl mOo said:

Kate should have gone straight to the Captain. 

I agree. And in his blog he said that had he known about it, things would've gone down a whole lot differently. 

She should've told him.  But the Captain, in his blog, sings Kate's praises as he does week after week.  He was more torqued about Nico with his shirt off in front of guests and not so much that Kate used him as a semi-nekkid sushi platter or not bringing these guest's harassing behavior of Jen to his attention. 

He does tell Kate that the beach party sucked but lets her off the hook because she "didn't have that much to work with". 

So whose fault is that exactly, Captain?  Hmmm???

ETA:  Thanks biakbiak for correcting me that it was BRUNO and not NICO.  All those O's are confusing for me. ;-)

Edited November 2, 2017 by ryebread

[biakbiak]

1 minute ago, ryebread said:

Kate used him as a semi-nekkid sushi platter

That was Bruno. Context is important to Lee. When doing the job of a deck hand be in uniform, when doing the job of a sushi platter be shirtless.

[ryebread]

3 minutes ago, LoneHaranguer said:

The producers hired greenhorns to screw up on camera. Both Kate and Lee are exasperated, but have no choice but to deal as best they can with what they've been handed. Kate is using her TH's to complain. Lee is trying to work within his constraints to make sure the season ends without racking up any serious damage or injuries.

Maybe they did.  But if what we're seeing is Lee and Kate handling it the best they can, it's not good enough.

Jen can be a nincompoop but she was correct when she said that instead of pitting Jen and Bri against each other in that dumb bed-making competition, Kate should've used other team building tools. But I don't think Kate's aware of any.  Season after season, our Chief Stew revels in dogging the dumb ones, the pretty ones, the loopy ones. And then dog piling on them with her favorite du jour.  I still for the life of me can't figure out what Amy did to Kate to make her treat her like she did.  Maybe, like Sierra, she was too pretty? Imo, Kate is a crappy manager whether she's got a competent or incompetent staff.  Putting Nico and Bri in the same bunk?  Brilliant.  

How can the Captain be so far up her butt and not see her poor management?  Sure she can set a pretty table and serve the ladies first.  But it should be about more than that.

And the Captain using the term 'cluster fuck' and calling his crew assholes, is not very Captain-y to me.  Your crew has to respect you and I don't see a whole lot of respect, for anyone or towards anyone.   

[Emmeline]

3 hours ago, eurekagirl mOo said:

No One should have to have boobs flashed in her face behind a closed door! I no Jen fan (AT ALL) but that was not acceptable. God knows what else could have happened behind that door. As a rape survivor, and by a drunk man, and woman no less, I felt sick to my stomach. It's been 40 years and it still makes me sick. Kate should have gone straight to the Captain. 

Eurekagirl:  I am so sorry to hear about your traumatic experience.  I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you!  Wishing you all the best.

[ghoulina]

18 hours ago, Belowdeckchatter said:

Boo F&N Hoo!  What is all this sympathy for Jen? Now all of a sudden she is a victim of sexual harassment?

Isn't Jen always telling everyone she is horny?

Didn't Jen fake an orgasm during the crews first dinner?

Wasn't Jen the girl twerking on the party bus?

Didn't Jen iron her clothes in her underwear on national TV?

Yes to all of those. But never once did she say she was okay being closed in a room with a married couple, having the woman take her top off, try to hug her, and proposition her. 

[LoneHaranguer]

3 hours ago, ryebread said:

And the Captain using the term 'cluster fuck' and calling his crew assholes, is not very Captain-y to me.  Your crew has to respect you and I don't see a whole lot of respect, for anyone or towards anyone. 

There's nothing wrong with a boss who's straightforward about the staff he's been given. It's up to the individual to decide whether to work to earn his respect, or just try not to screw up badly enough to be sent home. Or maybe not even that, if just appearing on a TV show was all they cared about.

[Nancypants]

Raise your hand if you would love to see an episode where Captain Lee kicks obnoxious guests off a Charter.

[BogoGog24]

I wonder if he’s allowed to though. Because doesn’t Bravo “hire” the guests? And they are contracted to be there for filming? I wonder how much power Lee has there.

[HunterHunted]

1 hour ago, BogoGog24 said:

I wonder if he’s allowed to though. Because doesn’t Bravo “hire” the guests? And they are contracted to be there for filming? I wonder how much power Lee has there.

There must be some things that might imperil license. I would hope that knowingly letting a crime be committed on board would be one, but you never know. However, I said knowingly. 

[ghoulina]

6 hours ago, Nancypants said:

Raise your hand if you would love to see an episode where Captain Lee kicks obnoxious guests off a Charter.

I would LOVE to see that. THESE guests, in particular, deserved it. But I do agree that I wonder if he has final say so in that matter?

[LoneHaranguer]

3 hours ago, BogoGog24 said:

I wonder how much power Lee has there.

I'd be surprised if there wasn't a Producer on board that he'd have to run it by, but I doubt there'd be any pushback for anything that would put Bravo at risk for a lawsuit or getting clobbered in the media.

[biakbiak]

3 hours ago, BogoGog24 said:

I wonder if he’s allowed to though. Because doesn’t Bravo “hire” the guests? And they are contracted to be there for filming? I wonder how much power Lee has there.

He tossed people off the boat in one of the first episodes of the show for drugs.

I am not saying that what the guest did was appropriate, in fact the exact opposite, but people mostly womens deal with this shit all the time in their jobs and I am glad they showed it. 

[SuprSuprElevated]

On 11/1/2017 at 10:37 PM, Belowdeckchatter said:

Boo F&N Hoo!  What is all this sympathy for Jen? Now all of a sudden she is a victim of sexual harassment?

Isn't Jen always telling everyone she is horny?

Didn't Jen fake an orgasm during the crews first dinner?

Wasn't Jen the girl twerking on the party bus?

Didn't Jen iron her clothes in her underwear on national TV?

All things that do NOT excuse assault, or attempted assault.  

On 11/2/2017 at 9:43 AM, ryebread said:

his laugh worked my last nerve and scared me a little.

And how!  I'm over Ben's superiority complex.  Way over.

[ShawnaLanne]

On 11/1/2017 at 7:55 AM, njbchlover said:

More like "G.D.A.F" - as she seemed soooo obsessed with using acronyms, especially "AF". 

Annoyingly disgusting guests!!  This was the first time the whole season I actually felt sorry for Jen.  The wife of the one couple seemed intent on setting her husband up with her.  She kept pushing it - "SHE'S pretty - check her out....".  The husband actually looked slightly uncomfortable.  I don't know if it was because their dirty little secret was being exposed on national TV, or because his wife seemed more into the game than he is.

The wife wanted it for herself,  remember her locking Jen in the cabin and showing her tits?

[wallofsound]

What is wrong with Baker?   She was a total non entity to me all season up until these past two episodes.   The way she talks .... oi vey, it's like every outdated stupid phrase I've ever heard.    "Ya, mon" 

[Mondrianyone]

45 minutes ago, wallofsound said:

What is wrong with Baker?   She was a total non entity to me all season up until these past two episodes.   The way she talks .... oi vey, it's like every outdated stupid phrase I've ever heard.    "Ya, mon" 

This.  I kept telling myself that if she said "Ya, mon" one more time, I'd throw something at my TV.  And then she did, but I didn't.  Are they even anywhere near Jamaica???

[wallofsound]

Jen, who has never even remotely interested or amused me, actually made me chuckle out loud when she provided an acronym for the guests - GTFO.    I couldn't agree more.   They were truly awful.  

 

Cant stand Nico, his brother or Brianna and her mumble mouth. 

[ryebread]

5 hours ago, wallofsound said:

What is wrong with Baker?   She was a total non entity to me all season up until these past two episodes.   The way she talks .... oi vey, it's like every outdated stupid phrase I've ever heard.    "Ya, mon" 

She seems socially awkward to me.  That's why she and EJ might be a good match.  Both seem to be perfectly nice, awkward, peas in a pod.

[wallofsound]

I'm still trying to figure out what Jen's "dream" is.    I understand wanting to do something for yourself when you're a parent that has nothing to do with your kid.   Sometimes I stop at TJ Maxx on the way home from a doctors appointment to milk my time away.   Wild, I know!!   Floating out in the middle of an ocean, a million miles away from my kid just does not make sense to me.  God forbid something happened to her daughter, it would take Jen forever to get to her.    Doesn't that cross her mind?   What is her dream - cleaning up after drunk assholes, living in 2x2 space below deck, getting a random day off to go to an exotic beach ??     Go on a girls trip back home to a beach, get a job as a maid in a fancy hotel.   Is she looking for a rich man?   I just don't get it.    I mean, she's obviously an immature selfish person, so that probably answers my question right there.   

[LoneHaranguer]

On 11/5/2017 at 9:57 AM, Mondrianyone said:

This.  I kept telling myself that if she said "Ya, mon" one more time, I'd throw something at my TV.  And then she did, but I didn't.  Are they even anywhere near Jamaica???

Not really, but they're both in the Caribbean, and most people don't realize how big that is, so I can see how she may be lumping them together.

[Mondrianyone]

I actually Googled the distance between Anguilla and Jamaica after I posted that question, because I can never leave things alone.  It turns out they're about 930 miles apart.  So that would be like if I, living in northern New England, started saying things like "Y'all come back soon, ya hear" in a South Carolina accent, because the distance is about the same.  It's not so much that she said it as much as she kept saying it and seemed to think it was so clever.  Or I could just be too cranky.  ;o)

[Rebecca]

On 11/5/2017 at 8:10 AM, wallofsound said:

What is wrong with Baker?   She was a total non entity to me all season up until these past two episodes.   The way she talks .... oi vey, it's like every outdated stupid phrase I've ever heard.    "Ya, mon" 

Kind of like "cool beans" .... they're both awkward dorks so they could be a great match. I'm assuming Baker is from a small town, EJ maybe too. I'm too lazy to look it up right now but I'm curious to know if I'm right. No shade, I'm originally from a small town.

3 hours ago, wallofsound said:

I'm still trying to figure out what Jen's "dream" is.    I understand wanting to do something for yourself when you're a parent that has nothing to do with your kid.   Sometimes I stop at TJ Maxx on the way home from a doctors appointment to milk my time away.   Wild, I know!!   Floating out in the middle of an ocean, a million miles away from my kid just does not make sense to me.  God forbid something happened to her daughter, it would take Jen forever to get to her.    Doesn't that cross her mind?   What is her dream - cleaning up after drunk assholes, living in 2x2 space below deck, getting a random day off to go to an exotic beach ??     Go on a girls trip back home to a beach, get a job as a maid in a fancy hotel.   Is she looking for a rich man?   I just don't get it.    I mean, she's obviously an immature selfish person, so that probably answers my question right there.   

I'm pretty sure her "dream" is actually being on TV. Can't underestimate the allure of "fame" to some people.

[ryebread]

1 hour ago, Rebecca said:

I'm pretty sure her "dream" is actually being on TV. Can't underestimate the allure of "fame" to some people.

That is my guess as well.  To be on TV in an exotic locale while she's still young.  Hopefully it's a 'one and done' dream.  I don't fault her for doing it.  It's not my bag.  But, assuming her daughter is in capable hands for the 6 weeks they film, she's probably doing her a whole lot less damage than some of the Real Housewives do to their little kids by staying on those shows year after year.

[yourmomiseasy]

12 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

I actually Googled the distance between Anguilla and Jamaica after I posted that question, because I can never leave things alone.  It turns out they're about 930 miles apart.  So that would be like if I, living in northern New England, started saying things like "Y'all come back soon, ya hear" in a South Carolina accent, because the distance is about the same.  It's not so much that she said it as much as she kept saying it and seemed to think it was so clever.  Or I could just be too cranky.  ;o)

If you are too cranky then so am I because I had the exact same reaction.

[Eater of Worlds]

Remember when I said Jen has an odd body that reminds me of an elderly woman's?  Here's visual representation.  

 

[ryebread]

50 minutes ago, Eater of Worlds said:

Remember when I said Jen has an odd body that reminds me of an elderly woman's?  Here's visual representation.  

I know what you're saying about Jen's body.  She's got that semi-stooped, elderly posture.  She moves like someone that has a curvature to her spine.

 

But that cartoon reminds me more, overall, of Kate.  Whereas, Jen takes some pride in her appearance (albeit a bad hairstyle - a really baaad hairstyle), Kate to me, just looks a hot mess all the time. Like she'd reek of cigarettes and stale sheets.

[RedHawk]

I had to laugh when Jen said the woman who sexually harassed had "old boobs" (or some variation on that remark). At least Jen got in that dig. 

The primary guy actually seemed less sleazy than the rest of his guests. He was embarrassed by his immature fiancee's comments and attention-grabbing behaviors.

EJ always makes me think of a young Ralph Fiennes.

[jennylauren123]

I think those boobs looked especially old to Jen, who bought her boobs just a couple of years ago.

[StephBristol]

Normally I don't watch reality(scripted all of them) T.V. show. Below deck is the one exception.  However this is one episode that thoroughly grossed me out. Lech's and gold diggers  would have been the perfect name for this episode. The guests were some of the tackiest individuals I've ever watched. Uncultured and just plain disgusting on both sides. I've seen the older guy and gold digging, stripper(not all are dumb,but this one was) clueless bimbos and she had a son who was totally out of control. This girl was rough in the face too for her age. The older guy asked me what I thought of his girlfriend and I asked him "Do you want me lie to tell you the truth." I told him the truth he told me I was wrong, and  six month later she not only cheated on him with a guy two years older than her, her out of control kid was calling him dad. The older guy was paying for private school for this kid and the school kicked him out because he was so out of control and she never disciplined this brat. Once the older guy got a clue about this digger and her band of dippy friends as well he broke up with her got back together with her twice and she cheated every time. He finally wised up and I still joke with him and tell him if you are going to the strip club please leave ALONE. He laughs and says point taken. My husband used to  manage a few of them and the one in particular where my friend the older guy went to as well. My husband does high end private security now and and he refuses to ever manage another club he's told me it's way to much babysitting. No it's not a party it's a nightmare to much drama and he will never do it again. The crew on this charter had a lot patients, I would have jumped overboard instead of dealing with this express of stupid.