All Episodes Talk: All Rise

[teebax]

The brother with the wall art, his kids were teens? I missed that and assumed they were toddlers. Wtf writes on walls as a teenager? He did look like a face of meth.

I think the Aunt was a liar and the nephew tried to be reasonable. At least the show will pay his 500 bucks.

I got engaged in six weeks, but I was 19 and waited to get married for two and a half years. If you have to move a guy in bc he can't take care of himself in his late 30s/40s? Well you should find someone else.

I think the defendant had done the graffiti, not his kids. But I could have misheard that.

[designing1]

 

I think the defendant had done the graffiti, not his kids. But I could have misheard that.

 

I believe the plaintiff said she recognized the style of the scrawlings from her brother's teenage years, so either he was the culprit, or the "artistic" apples didn't fall far from the tree.

Edited November 11, 2015 by designing1

[WhineandCheez]

Was it a name like Wormlegs? I could be delusional.

 

YES!! THANKS!!  It was wormlegs.  Ahh the good old days.

[AngelaHunter]

The nutjob graffiti artist had me channeling John McEnroe. I was yelling, "you cannot be serious" at my TV. Appreciate the artwork?

 

The worst part of that is that it's not the first time. Who remembers the rather simian "Harlan", who has two kids in the US, two in Mexico and no job? He waves to the kids in Mexico over the Rio Grande. Sometimes. I think.

 

He argued with great indignation with JJ that the kids' drawings all over the walls of his rented house were "art" and should be appreciated as such.

 

 

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

I should have taken the time to read the packet, because it was a product intended for black hair care and it stayed very waxy/oily all day. I had to go to work looking like Duke Ellington with my hair plastered to my scalp.

Ouisch, that's exactly what I looked like with my Marcel comb.  (I was thinking Cab Calloway but very close). Except half my head. And I'm sorry but I laughed so hard at your description that tears came to my eyes. 

 

 

So, yeah, I too laughed when the caption said "Nurse" and tried to picture him with a patient. ("Oh, honey, these hospital gowns are not flattering anyway, so you might want to think twice about eating all that Jello. It won't do your butt any favors....")

I forgot to mention about the nurse - did he get bleeped at some point? It looked like he got censored by a couple of words. Or it's my DVR - I have DISH network and we'd had some weird windy weather and the recordings have been weird and jumpy. I had a blip in my JJ recording yesterday and I had to roll it back because I swore JJ said the F-word and was bleeped. Wouldn't that be a fine kettle of fish? LOL

 

 

I have to agree with you regarding the hinky defendant: He looked like death warmed over.  Meth, I am certain.  And his sister was supposed to APPRECIATE the artwork that his kids/he did, involving holes and doors and defaced walls?  Good lord, man, get into Rehab!

 

Oh I was seriously thinking Meth too. Maybe he was cooking meth in the house and the kids were inhaling and trying to draw all the creatures that were dancing on his lawn. 

[Sarcastico]

I forgot to mention about the nurse - did he get bleeped at some point?

 

 

Yes, he did -- and I don't have DISH.  I also loved the way he said, "I don't want him using my tablet!" as if that were the most ridiculous idea in the history of ridiculous ideas.

[Brattinella]

I know for a fact there is NO ONE whom I would let use my laptop, tablet, etc.  NO WAY.  But most especially, an EX.

[califred]

The man suing for the kid hurting his dog sort of reminded me of a molester grooming their victim. Not sure why.

The newlyweds need to get a grip, I got married in 1996 and even back then a wedding coordinator would have cost well over 600 bucks.

[BubblingKettle]

Ep. 1, Case 1:

The smug process server plaintiff got annoyed with an overscheduled mechanic, so she publicly accused him of being a meth-head, put his info/phone number on kinky ads, called CPS on him. I think this may have been one of those cases where JJ went into it thinking that it was a run-of-the-mill case about a shifty mechanic. But once the defendant started presenting evidence of the plaintiff's evil ways, I think JJ saw the case from a brand new angle.

 

Ep. 1, Case 2:

The defendant, a day laborer who may have been a little "special," had an accident with the boss's car - he knocked over someone's mailbox. He was a decent guy -- he fessed up at the scene of the accident, and he actually paid for a new mailbox. The plaintiff, his boss, wanted the young man to call the cops afterwards. The cops ended up being dicks, charging the defendant with several things (all related to the mailbox incident). JJ detected tedious bullshit (and time was probably closing in on lunchtime), so she told the plaintiff to get lost and get over it.

 

Ep. 2, Case 1:

An annoying newlywed couple had a pseudo-wedding reception that included a self-service taco bar, a case of beer, and mimosas. There were three workers (I think one didn't show up), and they were tasked with the room setup, decorating, flowers, food, restocking the drink area, cake service, and cleanup. The fishwife and her mamby-pamby husband expected to get A LOT more and had a long list of complaints, but they were cheapskates (Evidence 1: bacteria free-for-all self-service taco bar, don't get too thirsty case of beer, and it's not breakfast time mimosas; Evidence 2: $75 worth of flowers for an entire reception? That's only enough for one medium-sized centerpiece at FTD; Evidence 3: Your photographer is a friend -- which is totally fine, but don't try to be haughty by claiming she was solely at your event as a hired, full-price photographer.) -- so JJ told them they were ridiculous, and they better get over it. JJ also predicted that their marriage will most likely be miserable because they are whiny, cheap, and stupid.

 

Sorry -- I heard a plaintiff in the very last case say that dog had to be put down, so I switched over to King of Queens.

Edited November 11, 2015 by CoolWhipLite

[AngelaHunter]

An annoying newlywed couple had a pseudo-wedding reception that included a self-service taco bar, a case of beer, and mimosas.

 

Nothing but class for our litigants! Looking forward to this one. I need to find out how mimosas came to be.

[27bored]

1st case: I hate how Judge Bougie acts when she encounters cases wherein common people sue someone for not doing a job they were hired to do, especially weddings. I understand people shouldn't expect to get a lot of something for almost nothing, but it's bullshit when people promise clients the sky just to get their business, then when they have their money they get sorry as fuck. If you tell someone you can do X, Y, and Z for them...as crazy as it sounds, they tend to expect that. It's one thing if you can't do what they hired you to do due to an act of God; but if you just suck at your job, they should be reimbursed for what they paid you. And JJ knows she'd wild out if anybody she hired didn't perform their duties to her exact specifications.

 

2nd case: This was kinda weird. I mean, I think JJ was being a little...thick? I don't know. If a little boy walks a small dog and does something that injures the dog, he's...responsible. It didn't seem like he "hired" the boy -- and if he had, the boy's dad would've had to sign off on it -- it seemed like he was just letting him walk the dog around in exchange for treats (which sounded a little child molesterific, but whatevs). I would've wanted to hear the whole story from both sides before being like "tough titty: to the man who had to put his dog down. BTW, JJ? I know you like animals more than people, but speaking about responsibility for a dog by analogizing something happening to a child. They're...not the same thing.

 

3rd case: Eh. I think she overreacted to what the woman did. The woman was definitely wrong to publicly accuse him of using meth on Craigslist, even though I actually believe he uses meth and that had something to do with him not finishing the job and not coming back. He's a one man operation for a reason. Not to stereotype, but a lot of society's functioning drug addicts work with cars. It's steady work, it's good money, you can kinda set your own hours, and you don't have to have a lot of bedside manner/customer service. If you know what you're doing, you can look and act however you want. And how did the pipe get in the woman's trunk? JJ was saying that the car was at her house longer than it was at hers, but that's stupid because how long does it take to hide a glass pipe in a trunk? The woman called CPS...because she thought he was smoking meth. And...he owed her her money. I don't know.

 

4th case: I was getting stoner vibes from the Defendant. The Plaintiff should've had insurance that covered someone who was working for him, but the dude probably would've still been liable for whatever he had to pay.

[Brattinella]

Ep. 1, Case 1:

The smug process server plaintiff got annoyed with an overscheduled mechanic, so she publicly accused him of being a meth-head, put his info/phone number on kinky ads, called CPS on him. I think this may have been one of those cases where JJ went into it thinking that it was a run-of-the-mill case about a shifty mechanic. But once the defendant started presenting evidence of the plaintiff's evil ways, I think JJ saw the case from a brand new angle.

 

 

So, she loses after slandering the defendant, putting their info on sex/dating sites, calling CPS on him!  He was awarded the Big Kahuna $5000 because of her nasty behavior AND she says AGAIN in the hallterview that he is a METH HEAD!  HEY LADY he could sue you SOME MORE!  Better learn to control that nasty mouth of yours!

[Brattinella]

Okay, JJ:  On the dog-walking case, you are FULL OF SHIT!  Making up the law as she goes along!  Wow I can't believe it!

 

PLUS:  That kid was LYING HIS ASS OFF!!  A scripted answer!  UGH!

Edited November 11, 2015 by Brattinella

[zillabreeze]

As usual, you guys' hilarious recaps have me busting to get home.  I have a million things to do, but looking for the JJ observations is Priority 1.

 

Rando question here (feel free to pronounce me crazy) BUT am I the only one that thinks that the handling of paperwork is over amplified?  I watch 3-4 court shows and the paper rustling on JJ seems oddly loud.  I notice it even on the 4 year old reruns.  It sounds intentional.

[Brattinella]

Can we talk about the cheapskate bride?  Jeez LOUISE, I can't believe what she wanted done for $325.  2 people, for 8 hours, tending bar, serving drinks, serving cake, bussing tables, setup and cleanup.  She only paid 75 dollars for flowers!  For a reception of 100 people?!  2 kegs of beer and mimosa bar and a self-serve taco bar?  And THEN she wanted the people to LOAD and UNLOAD the trucks!  WOWIE talk about an entitled spoiled rotten girl!

 

 

l

[BubblingKettle]

Rando question here (feel free to pronounce me crazy) BUT am I the only one that thinks that the handling of paperwork is over amplified?  I watch 3-4 court shows and the paper rustling on JJ seems oddly loud.  I notice it even on the 4 year old reruns.  It sounds intentional.

Maybe they want to give some legitimacy to Judge Judy's pet peeve, "Stop rustling those papers!!" The show wants us to hate it too.

[ClareWalks]

Okay, I had a destination wedding and purposefully made it microscopic (8 guests, immediate family), because to do otherwise and have a destination wedding is a real dick move. When this lady said "close friends and family, about 40 people," I was like NOPE. Inviting more than 20 people to your destination wedding in Mexico is crazy.

[Rick Kitchen]

Can we talk about the cheapskate bride?  Jeez LOUISE, I can't believe what she wanted done for $325.  2 people, for 8 hours, tending bar, serving drinks, serving cake, bussing tables, setup and cleanup.  She only paid 75 dollars for flowers!  For a reception of 100 people?!  2 kegs of beer and mimosa bar and a self-serve taco bar?  And THEN she wanted the people to LOAD and UNLOAD the trucks!  WOWIE talk about an entitled spoiled rotten girl!

 

 

l

 

Actually just load the truck.  Bride and groom claim they unloaded the truck, and that was their agreement.

[AuntiePam]

JJ didn't do a very good job explaining liability to the dog owner.  Yes, a child's father would be liable if a kid tossed a soccer ball through a window.  But he would not be liable if the homeowner had asked the child to play soccer in his yard.  Because the dog owner asked the kid to walk the dog, anything bad that happens is on the dog owner.  If the kid had taken the dog for a walk without permission, then the kid's dad would be liable. 

 

The mechanic didn't look like a meth-head to me.  And I totally understand wanting to finish one job before starting another, even if the new job wouldn't take very long.  Calling CPS?  Crikey!

[Brattinella]

I think the kid was lying through his teeth.  He said "I was sitting on my porch with my friend, and Mr so-and-so was on the bench and he called to me to come over and so I came over and he said "Will you walk my dog and TAKE HER TO NEW PLACES SHE HASN'T BEEN BEFORE".  That is a BALD FACED LIE.  Judy should have seen through that!

[AuntiePam]

Brat, exactly.  We'll never know what happened on that walk, but young Preet was obviously lying about what the dog's owner said.

 

It wouldn't have mattered to the outcome though, not unless Prett did something deliberate that injured the dog.  Maybe not even then.

[teebax]

I'm moving onto greener pastures and starting a new job. I'm quite excited about it. I accepted their written offer today, but now I'm wondering if I should have demanded I be paid in Popsicles instead of money. I'm sure my mortgage company and Ford credit would love it if I paid them in treats! Dude was a clueless idiot. You hired a child, didn't even pay him, and then sued the family when the child did what children do? BTW, I kept mis-hearing the child's name as Pequod. I knew that wasn't right, but I lol'd.

I need to ask a favor of my fellow JJ addicts. We've seen our share of unreasonable brides. Yours truly is now engaged. I know I joke about not celebrating marriage equality because it meant I'd no longer have my built-in excuse not to marry my girlfriend, but she asked and I accepted. Here's the favor: if you catch even a whiff of my turning into a bridezilla, please reach through your screen and slap the shit out of me. I don't know why people let trivial things "ruin" their weddings.

Unlike JJ, I don't fault anyone for marrying on the cheap. Hell, we're running off to Vegas to do it, and if anyone wants to get themselves there, they're welcome to attend. There will be no formal reception since it's not our first rodeo and we'd rather spend our money on other things. That being said, I think the plaintiffs in the wedding planner case were delusional. I don't think anything the planner did, or didn't do, rose to the level of demanding such a refund.

I haven't watched the meth mechanic case today. I'm saving it for later. Between the new job paperwork, and my phone ringing off the hook about the engagement, I had limited JJ viewing time today. OMG, does that mean I'm already transforming into a bridezilla?

[augmentedfourth]

The newlyweds were obnoxious in this case, but I have to admit, sometimes I'm torn on the wedding cases. (Definitely not this one, but in general.) For a lot of people, it *is* supposed to be one of the most special days in their lives, and it must suck to have hired a crappy vendor. It seems JJ won't do anything unless there's a blatant violation of a written contract, but there seems to have been a couple of wedding planners, photographers, DJs, etc. over the years who maybe technically didn't do anything wrong, but still half-assed their duties for the event. I know JJ rarely awards for pain and suffering, and it probably isn't legally warranted, but on occasion, I do feel bad. Especially with the crappy photographers, since that's something that's supposed to last beyond the day itself. Meh, I must be getting soft in my old age.

 

The poodle owner did come across as kind of sketchy. I think it was the way he said "treats" and "popsicles". Ew.

[TV Glotzer]

Judge Bougie

ROFL and LMAO. I will never call her anything else!

[SandyToes]

Wishing you all the best, teebax!   As for wedding advice, are your sure you don't want to hire your new boss' brother's best friend's wife to plan your shindig?   You could find a dandy DJ  and photog on craigslist, I'm sure,  and buy case of beer for the "open bar."  And we could help you with all the other details! Rick Kitchen could be in charge of  the food - ToasterStrudel, stewedsquash, CoolWhipLite, WhineandCheese,  why it's practically a buffet! 

 

Congrats, and I certainly hope wedded bliss will not be interfering with your Judge Judy watching duties. (You get a pass tonight.) We WILL be monitoring this closely.

 

Hugs!

 

P.S.  Does she know you are LEFT-HANDED?!?!?!

Edited November 12, 2015 by SandyToes

[Toaster Strudel]

I need to ask a favor of my fellow JJ addicts. We've seen our share of unreasonable brides. Yours truly is now engaged. I know I joke about not celebrating marriage equality because it meant I'd no longer have my built-in excuse not to marry my girlfriend, but she asked and I accepted. Here's the favor: if you catch even a whiff of my turning into a bridezilla, please reach through your screen and slap the shit out of me. I don't know why people let trivial things "ruin" their weddings.

 

Congratulations! I'll host a fuckerbitches themed reception in the small talk forum for only 3 popsicles and one string of black licorice!  One of the popsicles MUST be cherry!

[teebax]

Wishing you all the best, teebax!   As for wedding advice, are your sure you don't want to hire your new boss' brother's best friend's wife to plan your shindig?   You could find a dandy DJ  and photog on craigslist, I'm sure,  and buy case of beer for the "open bar."  And we could help you with all the other details! Rick Kitchen could be in charge of  the food - ToasterStrudel, stewedsquash, CoolWhipLite, WhineandCheese,  why it's practically a buffet! 

 

Congrats, and I certainly hope wedded bliss will not be interfering with your Judge Judy watching duties. (You get a pass tonight.) We WILL be monitoring this closely.

 

Hugs!

 

P.S.  Does she know you are LEFT-HANDED?!?!?!

Without Angela and 27 bored, there wouldn't be nearly enough snark. Who's going to point out how much I look like an Olympic power lifter in drag when I attempt to wear dresses or wonder why my fiancé chose to get married in Birkenstocks?!

[SandyToes]

Why, they are in charge of the entertainment, of course!  Didn't mean to exclude anyone - I was just hungry.  :-)

[Brattinella]

Teebax:  Congratulations and best wishes!  Couldn't happen to a nicer person!

[teebax]

Teebax:  Congratulations and best wishes!  Couldn't happen to a nicer person!

Thanks. Can we put you in charge of the mimosas?

[Rick Kitchen]

I can handle the taco buffet.

[califred]

Teebax, Congrats!

[Spunkygal]

Congrats to Teebax! I found a guy on Craigslist who is *this close* to getting his tattoo license and can tat your vows on your bosom for a reasonable price. My treat!

[BubblingKettle]

Congrats, teebax!!!

 

And another piece of advice -- I've heard great things about "meeting" a fashion designer on Facebook or Instagram and having him or her create your wedding and resort attire....high-quality, on time, it's the way to go. 

[Spunkygal]

Congrats, teebax!!!

 

And another piece of advice -- I've heard great things about "meeting" a fashion designer on Facebook or Instagram and having him or her create your wedding and resort attire....high-quality, on time, it's the way to go.

And they'll do it in exchange for a beat up laptop and your uncle's car title!

[WhineandCheez]

And we could help you with all the other details! Rick Kitchen could be in charge of  the food - ToasterStrudel, stewedsquash, CoolWhipLite, WhineandCheese,  why it's practically a buffet!

 

Teebax congrats!! Great news! I feel I must disclose that, unlike my name, I am actually Vegan so I cannot be in charge of the dairy portion of the menu. However, the wine and/or WHINE I've got down pat!!

[zillabreeze]

Congrats tee and very best wishes for a litigation free future!

I think you can trust this group to call you out if you start to go Bridezilla.

[ClareWalks]

Congratulations teebax! Rest assured, if you aren't usually a control freak psycho, you won't become one just because of wedding planning. My wedding planning was so easy BECAUSE I had a microscopic destination wedding. There was a package with like 5 flower options, 3 cake options, 3 music options, etc. I just picked what I wanted and it took 15 minutes, and there was no stress. Sounds like you will be a similarly chill bride :)

[Milz]

Congrats Teebax. While planning your wedding, just remember this: do not get anything in writing, do not keep receipts, and keep altering the design of your wedding attire so that the seamstress will deliver you a piece of crap that doesn't look anything like the photo in magazine because you wanted wide long sleeves  instead of short, puffed ones, 2 inch navy blue piping instead of1/4 inch ivory, a deep V neckline instead of a round one, and an embroidered pic of blue Hawaii Elvis on your backside.

Edited November 12, 2015 by Milz

[momtoall]

Congrats teebax.  I'll volunteer to give all the unwanted advice you neither want or need but that's what a "momtoall" does.

[AngelaHunter]

Wow! I'm late the bridzilla shower, but Best Wishes, Teebax!!

 

It brings a tear to my eye to see how generous everyone is with offering advice to you. If only JJ could officiate at your nuptials, we could all die happy.

 

I don't have much else to add to all that, except maybe do NOT have a cake. It might get tilted and ruin your day.

 

Don't have flowers, just in case a petal is slightly wilted, again ruining your whole day.

Don't have a photographer (especially if he/she is your neighbour's husband's second cousin who is 18). You know - day ruined!

No videographer you found on Craigslist either, in case he gets arrested the day before your wedding.

 

I found a guy on Craigslist who is *this close* to getting his tattoo license and can tat your vows on your bosom for a reasonable price.

 

Good idea, but I think she should get it on her neck. "More classier"!

 

[Brattinella]

Thanks. Can we put you in charge of the mimosas?

 

You bet, my dear.  I cannot imbibe but I will guarantee you get the strongest mimosas I can muster!

[OhioSongbird]

I'm in for a case of beer......
 
Congrats....teebax!

[LilWharveyGal]

Felicitations, teebax!

 

May your rims never stop spinning,

May your loans always be gifts,

May your Ebay and Craigslist purchases be legitimate,

And may your tax returns be fruitful!

[NYCFree]

teebax,

Yay for you and your fiancé.

Don't forget to make non-refundable deposts without consulting your fiancé. Hire a wedding limo for only the two hours you will actually need them to go and come from the reception, I hear nothing ever goes wrong with that.

Edited November 12, 2015 by NYCFree

[Guest]

I'm always late to the party, but congrats to you, teebax and your upcoming Build-Ur-Own Taco Bar with the $75 worth of flowers party! However:

 

 

 

if anyone wants to get themselves there, they're welcome to attend. There will be no formal reception

 

I will have to send my regrets. I'm too busy accumulating thousands of beer bottles filled with my own urine to leave for my sister-in-law with the incarcerated husband.

 

Oh, and a hello to my coffee-drinking Internet friend who never asked me for money*, WhineandCheez!

 

*YET.

Edited November 12, 2015 by Guest

[bad things are bad]

Unlike JJ, I don't fault anyone for marrying on the cheap. Hell, we're running off to Vegas to do it,

 

Congrats, Teebax, and if you borrow me some money I'd be glad to come :)

 

Seriously...we got married in Vegas in 1988 (at the Wee Kirk o'the Heather. Just as cheesy as it sounds!).

 

Still married. Marriage is the thing, not the wedding. 

[iwasish]

In my world, she'd have been darted outside the courtroom and bundled off to be spayed and released.

 

LOL, that's what's needed on these shows, instead of a trip home they should be shuttled off and sterilized as a public service. 

[AngelaHunter]

Teebax, I'll attend the festivities if you pay my airfare. If I have to cancel at the last minute because my "insignificant other" gets himself incarcerated, I'll pay you back unless you harass me and then you can go pound sand.

 

 

May your rims never stop spinning,

May your loans always be gifts,

May your Ebay and Craigslist purchases be legitimate,

And may your tax returns be fruitful!

 

 

Simply beautiful. *sniff*

[ItsHelloPattiagain]

 

Here's the favor: if you catch even a whiff of my turning into a bridezilla, please reach through your screen and slap the shit out of me. I don't know why people let trivial things "ruin" their weddings.

Congrats Teebax. I think you have enough lovely advice but I will leave you with the cold hard fact that if you say your wedding is ruined over a wilted flower or a taco bar with not hot enough salsa I will gleefully bitch-slap you through the computer. I've been the mother of the bride TWICE and have a child gainfully employed as a "professional" in the wedding industry (not a planner and not somebody who does it on the side along with dog grooming). There is very little that will "ruin" a wedding (D2 bought a cake at Publix (aka supermarket wedding cake - I love me some Publix but not for wedding cakes) in the summertime which started sliding off the pillars during the reception and the staff had to prop it with sticks and turn it around so it didn't catapult off the platter - likewise D1 assisted at a very expensive chic wedding in Miami where the cake actually slid off the platter before the bride got there - my enterprising D found a local cake store and borrowed their styrofoam display cake, slapped the figurines on the top and put pieces of real cake behind the fake cake - she then informed the bride and groom to pretend to cut the fake cake and then viola! pull out real cake pieces for the pictures. Nobody was the wiser and I'm sure the bride was most grateful instead of bitching that her damn $40,000 wedding was ruined because of the Miami heat)

 

Now that I'm invited to the festivities I will bring the chocolate fountain and an array of snackie things to dip - the same fountain where I saw two adolescent boys lying underneath sucking chocolate at the last baby shower I went to. 

And even better than one of those photo booths - let's have a tattoo booth! Free tattoos for the guests! Of course we'll hire the finest tattoo artist $75 can buy off of Craigslist (the one who walks dogs for Popsicles in his spare time). Hopefully he's not dyslexic but when does that matter?